Having sex, then been told to wait...

LegacyUser

Is it unusal to have sex twice, then the girl going on the pill and asking you to wait a month before having sex again (even if a condom was to be worn...you'd still have to wait) then after that month is up you get hit with a "I want to wait 6 months before we have sex again"


what would the members of this board make out of this?

Joey the lips

Very odd but its hard to comment without the full story. Any reasons for this change are you to young, is she afraid, you get the jist

It seems odd but without the full story!

TheZohanS

AFAIK it takes a month for the pill to take full effect.

If she has decided to wait an additional 6 months chances are someone has had a chat with her and used scare tactics.

Wibbs

Very odd indeed, but as Joey the lips said without more details of the lead up it's hard to see her reasons. It's hard to see her reasons full stop. Someone filling her ear like TheZohan mentioned, emotional leverage on her part, or something else?

You have to ask her why she wants to wait 6 months, on the surface it doesn't make any sense.

Eoinsku

Probably a test... If you're just in it for the sex, you'll get tired waiting for the six months and maybe move on to pastures new.

If you're into her more than the sex, you'll wait six months.

At least that's my take on it.

Birds!!

StormWarrior

Maybe she regrets sleeping with you and feels she rushed into it, and now wants to be sure of her feelings before she continues?

sardineta

Call her bluff. Say you'll wait and she'll be all over you in 6 weeks.

McFearless

sardineta wrote: »

Call her bluff. Say you'll wait and she'll be all over you in 6 weeks.

hahahaha what a hero!

Wibbs

Stay on topic.

nomorebadtown

Eoinsku wrote: »

Probably a test... If you're just in it for the sex, you'll get tired waiting for the six months and maybe move on to pastures new.

In which case you should walk. You dont want to get into a serious relationship with someone who plays bullsh!t mind games.

Lollipops23

is she quite young?i recall one of my mates feeling similarly when we were wee teenyboppers!perhaps talk to her about how the pill works and how she thinks it's settling with her...it can make you feel very out of sorts when you first start taking it,perhaps she's just not settled yet.

LegacyUser

here is the full story so.
we're both near our mid-20's. We knew each other as kids then we just stopped bumping into each other and talking (as you do when you get older you spread away)
But she happened to work in a shop near to where we both live. After alot of "going in there to buy stupid things to get the right time to ask her out" (lol) I did so in january. About 2 weeks later we had sex... then about 3 weeks after that we had sex again. Then she went on the pill for a month. That took us up to the start of april ... then the 6 month wait kicked in. We had a fight over it and just stopped talking... so we're broken up now.

See, here is the thing. Thats the official story. But i feel like most things in life there is stuff hidden under the surface. Like, if a girl wants to wait six months, i guess why not wait if you like her.
however as i say in January after I asked her out for date number 1, two days after she goes out with me, she texts me saying "i just want to be friends at the moment because i dont wanna get hurt again" (odd seeing as how she wasn't in a relationship for 10 months previous... and the way she was acting before the date like very interested and now cold. so i think bull****)

so i just dont get back to her for a few days (i'll be honest i ignore her after that) she knocks around to my house (she knows where i live obviously since we knew each other as kids and its only around the corner) and after a talk ... we continue. then its the >> two weeks later sex, then 3 weeks later sex again >> then the month wait >> then the 6 month wait.


A couple of weeks ago too I, well i wouldnt say after a fight just after a few words being said that she "doesnt get my sense of humor sometimes" like i use to much "family guy / the simpson esque material/quotes" - which is not a good sign sounds like "i dont get your sense of humor" (i dont mean to be bad but sometimes she'd stay silent and was dry. not slagging her. just... well if my sense of humor is dumb at times. hers would be very dry)


anywho. you know the rest.


personally for me i think this six month wait was a "i dont wanna have sex with you until i am sure i want to be with you" type-thing. I couldbe wrong but thats why i want peoples opinions on here




sorry for the long post :P

Oh The Humanity

Hmm, It all sounds a bit bulsh1tty to me OP.

She wants you to wait 6 months on pure faith alone??

Why would you though logically?

......her track record shows she's unreliable.

prinz

Could it possibly be that she's actually in a relationship, and is just sounding you out before she decides to commit to you and leave her current relationship?

Africa

Probably has someone else on the cards at the same time, and wasnt sure. Maybe wanted to blow you off with this ploy as well...

Continue on, and stay strong Sex in a relationship is important to some people. In fact most people.

this_is_oddd

I doubt its that prinz, i've met her family and all.
Africa... I like how you think



I dunno ...

See the issue i have is weather to know "is she making me wait to see if i stick around" ... or it is indeed she is unsure about me. I could easily give her a text and continue if i wanted I guess... but why should I if its the not sute about me one.


I guess I have to look at what it is ... she tried to put me in the friendzone first, i ignored her and she got back saying "lets continue" - why? cause she didnt wanna be alone? she wanted to be friends before anything? (thats just weird) ... now removing sex out of the so called relationship is one step further to "friends"

I mean i am not a bad bloke. i always paid for dates, made her and her family a few dvds if they wanted them. Am I wrong to want sex in a relationship? like theres getting it once a month (which i said to her) then there is waiting 6 months!? where is meeting half way with that. I didnt ask for it everyweek.

Ah. women.

puglover

Ok this doesn't seem very complicated to me.

Girl has obviously had a bad experience in the past and is unsure about getting into another relationship. Obviously sex is a natural thing and hard to resist but she probably regretted afterwards and felt she was rushing into things so has decided to wait.

Now I do think that putting an exact figure on it like 6 months is a bit odd but who knows whats going on in her mind. If this is the first relationship she's considered since a bad experience, she is going to be nervous, unsure, indecisive and probably wanting to to take things slow.

BTW 10 months is not very long to get over any sort of serious relationship. It took me a full year before I'd even consider dating again fter I came out of a bad relationship so give the girl a break and talk to her without being judgemental/argumentative.

this_is_oddd

Hmmm Interesting words puglover.
I am undecided what to do, as you can tell from making this thread.
Maybe i should just text her ...

she said her last relationship was 10 months previous but then she later said she was with someone for a short period after that. ah i dunno.
if it is just worried ... its ok to wait

if it is just unsure about me, which there is alot of things to suggest that IS the case... i'd be setting myself up to me hit with the "we should just be friends" down the line.


Hmmm. need more comments to decide

people bring in on :P

ellie1

I can understand the girls desire to wait in order to be sure of the feelings on both sides to have sex.
And like puglover said maybe she regretted having sex so quickly. However, I am unsure what this 6 month wait is about considering you know her quite a while.

Maybe you should just text her and meet up and talk about it cause all I am doing is trying to guess what is going on in her head and who knows cept her:D

this_is_oddd

Hmmm, well i've known her for over two and a half months. When you get technical we grew up together. practally living around the corner. I used to be friends with her brother when i was 12/13. So i'm not like some stranger. Even tho we havent talked for the last ten years (say 13 - 23years old)

She did say she regretted having sex and that she was "pressured" into it. Which i did not like because she knew what she was doing, and of course if those two times were "a mistake" - why the hell go on the pill for a month!? ...

I dunno. Its a hard one to call. What happens if i'm right and slowly but surely i get pushed into the friendzone. That means I am a fool. An ejit because i expected it.

that whole 6 month things is bollox. if you wait for sex you make them wait at the start not doing it twice then going on the pill THEN making them wait.

It still comes down the first date. After it she text me saying just be friends... then she comes back saying lets continued because I ignored her after that? (i know it was wrong to ignore but after one date lets be friends? come on)

ah sorry for rambling on.

I know I have to make a choice.

dating sucks :P

McCruiskeen

Quite simply - She's just not that into you.

Forget about it and move on, mate.

LegacyUser

thats just weird. Bail out man, quick.

this_is_oddd

Alot of good replies here.

Very mixed views. As it is a tricky situation. Hmm here is a good way to turn this posting interesting... what would you guys/girls do in this situation? get in contact? just move on? get in contact saying this this and this (what ever that may be) or move on and anytime she walks by yawn and look away? (lol)

IWishh

Some women's bodies react badly when they go on a certain type of pill and one of those reactions is a loss in sex drive. I havent experienced it myself so I wouldnt know to what extent that goes to but maybe if shes taking the wrong type of pill for her body could be a factor to consider?

BroomBurner

OP, could you just ask her directly to explain why she wants to wait?

If someone can't be honest and direct with the person they intend to become very close to, then it's not going to work. Ever.

this_is_oddd

She said that those two times we had sex was a mistake and that she was pressured into them and that we should wait.

But the problem with that is, the first time we had sex ... she wanted it as much as i. Second time, she wanted it too. Just that the location haha wasnt the best. Then she went on the pill for a month. Then the wait till thats over came in, then when that was over the 6 month wait was made clear.

See, the problem is knowing what the truth is. Like many things in life there is the official story... then their is the reality.


The more I think about this the more i am thinking "unsure" ... and thats wrong to make someone wait for sex knowing the deed has already been done. Only because you want to wait to you're sure about someone.

geez, is their any nice women anymore.

G-Money

All I would say is be careful you don't end up waiting for 6 months only for her to decide she "just wants to be friends" and/or starts seeing someone else.

prinz

this_is_oddd wrote: »

She said that those two times we had sex was a mistake and that she was pressured into them and that we should wait.

If she did, she did, and nothing you do can change that.If you like this girl then wait,.

this_is_oddd wrote: »

But the problem with that is, the first time we had sex ... she wanted it as much as i. Second time, she wanted it too. Just that the location haha wasnt the best.

How romantic. The more posts you write the more I get the feeling your looking for a bit of fun, and she obviously isn't. So maybe you should move on.

this_is_oddd wrote: »

The more I think about this the more i am thinking "unsure" ... and thats wrong to make someone wait for sex knowing the deed has already been done. Only because you want to wait to you're sure about someone..

I can see how she would feel pressured if that's the way your communicating to her.

this_is_oddd wrote: »

geez, is their any nice women anymore.

What makes you think she isn't nice? Because she won't put out when you want it? At the start I had sympathy for you, but the more I read the more I felt sorry for the lady in question.

maxxie

screw that man! no sex or family guy for six months....
plenty more cooler girl fish in the sea!!!!

Africa

Agreed. You can do better than someone that is going to hold sex off for that long. Sounds like she isnt that into you, and im sure if you wanted to be with her that she should want sex too, cause obviously you do, and it has to work both ways. Seen as though she has decided NO SEX for 6 months, then seriously, dont bother.

grandmaster wrote:

All I would say is be careful you don't end up waiting for 6 months only for her to decide she "just wants to be friends" and/or starts seeing someone else.

Good advice.

Have a word with her, tell her that you cannot be in a relationship without sex cause sex is such an important thing in a new relationship, and especially if it is good!!! take control of the situation, she may cave, if not, well i do recommend you try finding someone new. It lets you explore each other, sexually, physically and emotionally. All barriers come down, defence isnt there and we are truly ourselves.....

puglover

this_is_oddd wrote: »

Maybe i should just text her ...

No maybe you should taslk to her in person like a mature adult!

She did say she regretted having sex and that she was "pressured" into it. Which i did not like because she knew what she was doing, and of course if those two times were "a mistake" - why the hell go on the pill for a month!? ...

Maybe she did but sounds like she felt you really wanted tit and thats why she went ahead. Why go on the pill??? Becuase she is a sensible girl who knows that accidents happen when you don't take precautions.

I dunno. Its a hard one to call. What happens if i'm right and slowly but surely i get pushed into the friendzone. That means I am a fool. An ejit because i expected it.

Why would she bother if all she wanted was to be friends...doesn't make sense. OK things mightn't work out but neither of you will know if you don't give it a go.

that whole 6 month things is bollox. if you wait for sex you make them wait at the start not doing it twice then going on the pill THEN making them wait.

No it's not, sounds like she felt she had rushed things and was pressured into it, maybe you didn't do this intentionally but she felt pressured none the less. She is making it clear to you that she wants to slow things down so it's up to you to decide if she is worth the wait.

she walks by yawn and look away? (lol)

Grow the fup up!! mid-twenties you say...sounds like mid-teens. Can see shy whe is unsure!!

The more I think about this the more i am thinking "unsure" ... and thats wrong to make someone wait for sex knowing the deed has already been done. Only because you want to wait to you're sure about someone.

What exactly is wrong about that?

geez, is their any nice women anymore.

Yes, the usually go for nice guys.


TBH OP you sound immature & selfish. THis girl obviously has her reasons but you aren't interested in exploring them. All you are worried about is 1) getting your leg over and 2) abstaining for 6 months & possibly not getting any action at the end of it.

At this early stage sex shouldn't be a big issue if you really like the girl. I would say leaver her alone so she can find someone better

puglover

Africa wrote: »

Agreed. You can do better than someone that is going to hold sex off for that long. Sounds like she isnt that into you, and im sure if you wanted to be with her that she should want sex too, cause obviously you do, and it has to work both ways. Seen as though she has decided NO SEX for 6 months, then seriously, dont bother.



Good advice.

Have a word with her, tell her that you cannot be in a relationship without sex cause sex is such an important thing in a new relationship, and especially if it is good!!! take control of the situation, she may cave, if not, well i do recommend you try finding someone new. It lets you explore each other, sexually, physically and emotionally. All barriers come down, defence isnt there and we are truly ourselves.....

I have to say I tink this is the worst advice I've ever seen on boards. ... seriously like :rolleyes:

Sex is important but not straight away. Getting to know the person should be the first priority if it's a relationship you are looking for!!

BroomBurner

Puglover, I think you're being overly harsh on the OP.

If she felt pressurised in to having sex with him, then she shouldn't have done it. It's not his responsibility after the fact if she suddenly decided, in retrospect, she she shouldn't have done it. In fact, to me, it sounds like she's the immature one. She makes decisions then can't follow through on them, and tries to backtrack.

OP, if she can't be clear and direct with you, then don't bother with her. As another poster said, plenty more fish in the sea.

puglover

BroomBurner wrote: »

Puglover, I think you're being overly harsh on the OP.

If she felt pressurised in to having sex with him, then she shouldn't have done it. It's not his responsibility after the fact if she suddenly decided, in retrospect, she she shouldn't have done it. In fact, to me, it sounds like she's the immature one. She makes decisions then can't follow through on them, and tries to backtrack.

OP, if she can't be clear and direct with you, then don't bother with her. As another poster said, plenty more fish in the sea.

I don't think I'm being harsh at all. She made a mistake and now she is trying to slow the pace. If he actually cared about her as opposed to having sex with her then he would want to make sure she is comfortable with the pace. What decision did she make that she is not following through on?

She is being clear & direct with him, infact I don't see how she could be any clearer. Maybe she felt she had to be so clear because he was pressuring her so much...hence the 6 month time-line.

RoadRunner

This is bad. She doesn't want to have sex with you AND she doesn't like family guy. That's two deal-breakers right there. It's not all bad I guess now you can go up to your old mate and tell him you nailed his sister

Africa

puglover wrote: »

I have to say I tink this is the worst advice I've ever seen on boards. ... seriously like :rolleyes:

Sex is important but not straight away. Getting to know the person should be the first priority if it's a relationship you are looking for!!

Dont be so foolish. A physical attraction is what starts 90% of relationships, cause we see with our eyes first, not our ears. Its also clear that they didnt exactly do this on a first date - they knew each other when they were younger, had been out together a few time. Sex is a direct physical expression of how we feel. This chap wants advice on what to do about it, and that is what i would do.

If she is wanting to withhold it, there are only a certain number of things it could be down to. its either a power thing, or a thing where she probably wants you as a friend only, maybe has someone else on the cards, or has had a bad experience. If its the bad experience, get her to talk about it. What she likes, what she doesnt like.

Let her know you feel uncomfortable with the situation, and need it explaining a bit better...

puglover

Africa wrote: »

Dont be so foolish. A physical attraction is what starts 90% of relationships, cause we see with our eyes first, not our ears. Its also clear that they didnt exactly do this on a first date - they knew each other when they were younger, had been out together a few time. Sex is a direct physical expression of how we feel. This chap wants advice on what to do about it, and that is what i would do.

How exactly am I being foolish? No-one is denying a physical attraction. They knew of each other, and ahdn't spoken in about 12 years... yep know each other really well don't they :rolleyes:

Sex should only happen when both parties are comfortable with it. If it means waiting a couple of months for some people that shouldn't really be an issue if you really care for someone. It's not an unreasonable lenght of time, she isn't talking about waiting til they are married ffs.

Africa wrote: »

If she is wanting to withhold it, there are only a certain number of things it could be down to. its either a power thing, or a thing where she probably wants you as a friend only, maybe has someone else on the cards, or has had a bad experience. If its the bad experience, get her to talk about it. What she likes, what she doesnt like.

Or she wants to wait until she knows and fully trusts the OP. There is nothing to suggest she has anyone else on the cards. why would she be entering a relationship with the OP if she only wanted to be friends.

The bad experience may have been a bad relationship as opposed to having crap sex which seems to be what you are suggesting here. Itmay take the OPs gf some time to trust him enought to feel comfortable sleeping with him, she obviously wasn't on the previous occassions.

Africa wrote: »

Let her know you feel uncomfortable with the situation, and need it explaining a bit better...

+1 also let her know your reasons & listen to hers

prinz

Africa wrote: »

Dont be so foolish. A physical attraction is what starts 90% of relationships, cause we see with our eyes first, not our ears. Its also clear that they didnt exactly do this on a first date - they knew each other when they were younger, had been out together a few time. Sex is a direct physical expression of how we feel. This chap wants advice on what to do about it, and that is what i would do.

If she is wanting to withhold it, there are only a certain number of things it could be down to. its either a power thing, or a thing where she probably wants you as a friend only, maybe has someone else on the cards, or has had a bad experience. If its the bad experience, get her to talk about it. What she likes, what she doesnt like.

Let her know you feel uncomfortable with the situation, and need it explaining a bit better...

Or she felt pressured into, regretted it, and doesn't want to rush into it again, as is her right............ wait isn't that exactly what she actually told the OP??....................

mardybum

Africa wrote: »

If she is wanting to withhold it, there are only a certain number of things it could be down to. its either a power thing, or a thing where she probably wants you as a friend only, maybe has someone else on the cards, or has had a bad experience. If its the bad experience, get her to talk about it. What she likes, what she doesnt like.

I think this is a very macho way of looking at the situation. It would be an extremely machavalean girl who would say they felt pressurised into sex and wanted to slow things down a bit when really it was a 'power thing' or into another guy.

In my experience telling a guy that you felt pressurised into sex with them is quite a distressing thing to do, You dont want your guy to feel like a rapist, but at the same time you need to explain the issue, and to be not believed is heartbreaking. If you reacted badly or she sensed that you did, it's no wonder she wanted to slow things down a bit more.

And to Africa, yes sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship and can mean that you have a deep conection, understand each other better and foster strong bonds...

but for a girl (and i can only speak from a girls pov), if you feel like you can't trust the guy or are unsure about proceeding and do it anyway you can end up totally resenting the guy, having awful perfunctory sex, without any of the passion. Which is a total mindf*ck.

this_is_oddd

Prinz and puglover,
thanks for your insites. But i think you are totally picking me up wrong. You seem to be going off thinking i am some guy who wont stick around cause i'm not getting my bit, thats not the cause.

In fact, not to go into back story of me but i was with a girl for a year and a half when I was 21. She was 19 and a virgin. I never had sex with her. Never. So I dont think I am your typical bloke looking to get his leg over. Of course that relationship ended with her getting another bloke and sure as hell not taking him a year and a half to get his leg over with her (3-4 months) but hey thats life.


Back to the issue at hand.
The problem is I dont know what the case is here... i dont mind waiting if she actually sees herself with me. Prinz and Puglover, would you knowingly wait for sex with someone that could be pushing your into the friendzone?
She already proved after one date and even a few weeks after that while eating in burger king we just happened to get onto the subject and she said "oh if that happened again and i asked to be friends would we?" .... like i dunno. I guess i am trying to read between the lines. Was all that out of being worried of hurt again? ... or was it "i am not to sure about you"


I know i am going on a bit here guys. I should make a choice. Its just hard tho. Imagine it, after making this tread i get back with her. Then, as said above and as i am fearing after a few months "oh i think we should just be friends" - wtf!? .... but on the other hand IF thats NOT the case I can wait.

See this whole talk of her regretting seems like BS to me. I can safely say at the time and for around a month she was up for it, she had no issues with sex being a part of the relationship. Its almost like she 180'ed on the whole thing. The only question is why? ... because she is unsure about me or just wants to have it when the time is right.

I know you could say well why dont you ask her? - i did when we stopped talking two weeks ago.
I am a firm believer of there is what you see/and hear on the surface, then the real truth beneath. I guess I am trying to weigh it up. Hence why I created this thread. Because from reading other topics there is good advice on this board.

LegacyUser

Prinz and Puglover, would you knowingly wait for sex with someone that could be pushing your into the friendzone?

Prinz already is!!! ;o)

OP, women do power trip on withholding sex quite often.

I know I am a woman. You can easily get a guy to wait in the background, him thinking he is waiting while you sort your head out/are having moral reasons etc

Looking back its not a nice thing to do but some men can be so gullible!!! It is tempting!!!

this_is_oddd

haha why did i type pushing "your" into the friendzone, lol. Pushing you! i'm an idiot :P

I think I could text her (and then yes say meet in person before puglover bashes me again lol) See, i'm thinking if i text her and if she says "lets be friends" using this whole fight as an example then i was right. Friendcity, population: me.
Of course using that same logic if she wanted to continue she'd say continue. In which we'd have to have a talk about 6 months. Theres nothing wrong with putting it on the backburner for a month or so. But thats all. Call me old fashioned but i like relationships to be 50/50 - meet a middle ground on things.

Hmmm, half tempted just to text and see what the story is... was i right? or was i wrong? ... just get my own piece of mind. but i hate the idea of getting back just in order for someone to go "sorry" - like why put yourself through that, when it comes down to it no one wants the other person to have the upper hand. the person to be the one saying sorry/no/etc. And thats not me being petty. its me being honest and i'm pretty sure lots of other people feel the same.


haha she deleted pictures of nights out with my and her friends off her bebo... lol. its funny when your exs do that :P

Taltos

Texting normally seems like a good safe idea - but it rarely is...

You both need to talk.
And you might have to be prepare yourself for that old chestnut - Just be Friends...

But - you never know - maybe for a reason you just do not know and will not know she just wants to wait. It could be that she wants to see if there is real substance to your friendship - or it might be that she is just unsure...

Or this was her way of attempting to let you down gently. Maybe she was in a relationship before where she invested too much of herself and got hurt when it turned out to just be physical.

So - be patient with her, no pressure and talk - 2 wks is already a long time... Maybe too long. If you really do care for her and want a real relationship then call her and go out for a walk and a chat.

Disagreed with Africa's last suggestion - that last statement was laden with pressure - something that she has already let you know she does not like - use that and I think it will be game over...

mardybum

this_is_oddd wrote: »

haha why did i type pushing "your" into the friendzone, lol. Pushing you! i'm an idiot :P

I think I could text her (and then yes say meet in person before puglover bashes me again lol) See, i'm thinking if i text her and if she says "lets be friends" using this whole fight as an example then i was right. Friendcity, population: me.
Of course using that same logic if she wanted to continue she'd say continue. In which we'd have to have a talk about 6 months. Theres nothing wrong with putting it on the backburner for a month or so. But thats all. Call me old fashioned but i like relationships to be 50/50 - meet a middle ground on things.

Hmmm, half tempted just to text and see what the story is... was i right? or was i wrong? ... just get my own piece of mind. but i hate the idea of getting back just in order for someone to go "sorry" - like why put yourself through that, when it comes down to it no one wants the other person to have the upper hand. the person to be the one saying sorry/no/etc. And thats not me being petty. its me being honest and i'm pretty sure lots of other people feel the same.


haha she deleted pictures of nights out with my and her friends off her bebo... lol. its funny when your exs do that :P

well, to me you seem to be takin the whole thing as a joke, you don't seem to give a crap about why this girl would be anxious or less than enthusiastic about sleeping with you.

You don't seem to have any kind of understanding about the mental connection that needs to be in place before the sexual one... You seem to think its sex or just friends, like there's no in between stage where you are romantically intimate. I'm not a fan of a sexless relationship, but for someone I really liked I'd try it out for a while.

So what if she slept with you once or twice and then felt it was too fast? People have a right not to be sexually active if they don't want to be.

You don't give off a vibe like you really have feelings for this girl, its as if the whole thing is just some maths problem you want to figure out. Leave the girl alone and move on.

Zaph

RoadRunner wrote: »

This is bad. She doesn't want to have sex with you AND she doesn't like family guy. That's two deal-breakers right there. It's not all bad I guess now you can go up to your old mate and tell him you nailed his sister

RoadRunner, kindly read the part of the charter dealing with unhelpful and off-topic posts before posting here again.

puglover

this_is_oddd wrote: »

haha why did i type pushing "your" into the friendzone, lol. Pushing you! i'm an idiot :P

I think I could text her (and then yes say meet in person before puglover bashes me again lol) See, i'm thinking if i text her and if she says "lets be friends" using this whole fight as an example then i was right. Friendcity, population: me.

Seriously like what age are you? No-one ever knows how a new relationship is going to turn out. You may end as just friends, hating each others guts or in a loving committedd relationship, but it won't end up anywhere if you don't give it a shot.

BTW if she agreed to be friends it still wouldn't make you right, just means she is a nice reasonable person.

Now answer this. What reason do you think this girl would have for embarking on a relationship with you if her only intention is to be just friends?

this_is_oddd wrote: »

Of course using that same logic if she wanted to continue she'd say continue. In which we'd have to have a talk about 6 months. Theres nothing wrong with putting it on the backburner for a month or so. But thats all. Call me old fashioned but i like relationships to be 50/50 - meet a middle ground on things.

With most issues I would agree, but when it comes to sex you cannot force the issue. If six months is not an option for you then leave her be and don't put any more pressure on her to do something she doesn't want to. I can see how the would have felt pressured the first time.

Once again, sex should not be this big an issue at such an early stage in the relationship.

this_is_oddd wrote: »

Of course using that same logic if she wanted to continue she'd say continue. In which we'd have to have a talk about 6 months. Theres nothing wrong with putting it on the backburner for a month or so. But thats all. Call me old fashioned but i like relationships to be 50/50 - meet a middle ground on things.

Hmmm, half tempted just to text and see what the story is... was i right? or was i wrong? ... just get my own piece of mind. but i hate the idea of getting back just in order for someone to go "sorry" - like why put yourself through that, when it comes down to it no one wants the other person to have the upper hand. the person to be the one saying sorry/no/etc. And thats not me being petty. its me being honest and i'm pretty sure lots of other people feel the same.

Just because thats what you feel doesn't mean it's the way it is. This has nothing to do with having the upper hand.
IMO this is just a big joke to you. And wtf are you on about "my own piece of mind"... give it a rest like. This is nothing more than you being shocked and appalled that this girl isn't doing what you want, and on your terms.

this_is_oddd wrote: »

haha she deleted pictures of nights out with my and her friends off her bebo... lol. its funny when your exs do that :P

Do alot of your ex's do this. TBH is doesn't say much for you that they want to wipe away all evidence of your existence after your relationship ends. You must be a real as*h*le

messygirl

the answers on here have been very strange!

would like to make two points, if she felt presurrised she should have told you, not gone ahead had sex with you and then blamed you
second, saying you want to slow down is fine, but a definate time line of 6 months? its one thing to be unsure but another to say you will be ready in x amount of time, i have certain time limits (ie no sex until going out with someone 3 months or something like that but that changes depending ont he people)

first thing you need to decide is she someone you can see yourself going out with?
second, you will have to have a mature talk with her either way, you know her brother and the last thing you want is it affecting your relationship
third, you need answers to following questions:
# why did you sleep with me? what did i do to pressurize you? its disconcerting to hear i pressurized someone into soething they didnt want to do especially since i thought you wanted it, if you wanted it at the time then i didnt pressurize you and i dont appreciate you making me sound like that kind of guy
# i have no problem with waiting but the time limit is a bit off putting, you cant control how you feel and if you arent ready in 6 months i dont want you to feel presurrized into sleeping with me because you said so
# were you hurt in past relationship? what did they do, are they the source of your trust issues?
#i can't help but feel that you just want to be friends, i like you and want to get to know you better but if you want someone to be your friend please tell me and thats ok, you dont have to go out with me to be with me
# sense of humour is really important in a relationship, i know you dont get mine so how do you feel about that?

maybe text her the above

also apologise for not getting in touch sooner! if a girl has sex with a guy its insulting not to get in contact straight away (unless its clear it was a one night stand), doing so may have resulted in her questioning her decisions, her self confidence could have been affected and maybe thats why she got coldfeet, say sorry for not texting had some stuff to work out in my head, i really like you and its fine if you want to wait but i need to know (then as questions..)
and women are just like men, act like you dont want it and she will be more relaxed around you! and if she tries to have sex with you again try and be strong and make sure she doesnt run off saying you pressurized her and tell her outright you dont want her to feel pressurized! that could damage your reputation if she runs her mouth off about the big bad friend of her brothers who manipulated her into sex!
best of luck!

LegacyUser

All relationships start out based on sex but the best you can hope for is friendship.

this_is_oddd

puglover,
do me a favor stop replying back in this thread. you do nothing but take potshots at my "matureness" (what?) , my age, my character etc - rather than give advice on the situation in which I am asking for. I'd swear my situation and how i acted, and how I didnt act like how you "think" I should of acted has "deeply offend you" somehow.

you're a rude d*ick. Other people are giving well constructed replies, be it pro or against, and thanks for that people

back to the topic at hand.
i text her last night she got back. I'll give a brief overview of what was said later. It doesnt look to good.

puglover

Excuse me I take offence to that. Boards.ie is an open forum and I will post where I like as long as I am within the rules. You are not a mod & have no right to tell me where I can post, you may have been able to pressurise your ex into sleeping with you, but you will not pressurise me into not posting here. I am not a rude d*ck & there is nothing rude about any of posts in this thread.

Boards is not a place you come to just to be told what you want to hear. I'm calling it as I see it.

You're name calling is just another example of your immaturity, truth hurts sometimes doesn't it...seems like I've hit a nerve!