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Are you BORN gay?
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19-04-2009 3:55pm#1
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I'm not sure if anyone can say for sure if they were born that way.
Afterall, who remembers how they felt or thought when they were born?
However you can have an instinct based on how early your first memory of a sexual thought was.
You can also certainly say whether or not it was a choice. You can recall if you ever made a conscious choice. Assuming a young child wouldn't be in a position to make such a choice - not knowing what sexuality is - such a choice would be made later, within the bounds of one's memory.
Only gay people are really in a position to speak about this with any authority (well, anyone can ask themselves if they chose their sexuality..but it seems gay people are the ones most frequently asked..). My personal experience: certainly there was never a choice. If I ever had a choice I would not have chosen to be gay. I can be honest about that. It's not the sexuality itself that's an issue for me, but the context we live in that makes me wish I weren't gay. It's just a whole lot easier if you're not.
In terms of my earliest sexual memory, I do remember being 'curious' about - don't laugh - He-Man, and what was under his loin cloth :pac:At a very early age, like 3 or 4. I'd no idea that was a sexual thing at the time, I had no idea what sexuality was, but in hindsight I know it was, and thus I know that my sexuality had formed or was forming from an even earlier age than that, if indeed I wasn't born with it. It would be about 10 more years before I realised what 'gay' was, what sexuality was, and when my innocence about things and the world I was born into started to be shattered.
Based on my own experience, and how early I can remember 'first signs', I think it's something you're either born with, or something that forms very early, or an inclination you're born with that is solidified very early. I lean towards the first or the last, between which there's very little difference. I don't think nature leaves sexuality to chance (or to your choice), it's too important to the survival of the species.0 -
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I hate not being straight, really really really really I do. If I had a choice there's no way on this planet I'd be anything other than straight. Not even the slightest chance. I wish I liked guys like I like girls. Girls are so much prettier and sexy and *sigh*
doesn't mean I don't try and convince myself otherwise. Doesn't mean I don't go out looking for guys. Doesn't mean I haven't had way, way, way too many sexual partners (men) over the last few years. I just have my own deamons to deal with and right now I'm still making a half hearted attempt at convincing myself I'm straight.
Was I born that way... well... I think that's up for debate. I KNOW I was born with TENDANCIES that way because my first crushes were on girls, my first urges to kiss anyone were for girls (boys.. ew icky :rolleyes:). In fact, a lot of teens go through a "phase" some time between 10 and 15 where the same sex appeals. For some it's just a phase. For others it's not. Honestly, I believe it's a combination of nature and nurture. I was raped when I was 15. I'd say that has a fair bit to do with my current inability to 100% trust men, and perhaps my inability to accept myself. Maybe it'd have just been a phase if I hadn't been raped? Maybe then nurture would have overruled nature, but as it is, I think nurture has compounded nature.
edit: could the mods add some more options? Maybe like "life experiences make you who you are" and "life experience combined with genetics"?0 -
Am I the only one who actually likes being gay?
It's who I am and, since coming to terms with it, I wouldn't change it.
Sure there was a time (for like 20 years) that I tried my best to be the 'normal' straight guy but if I had the power to go back and change anything it would be to come out and be comfortable with myself at an earlier age -- given the wish, that's what it'd be. I wouldn't wish myself straight. While I don't put my sexuality at the forefront of 'who I am', it just seems too much of a fundamental thing to change... I've no idea who I would be if I were straight.
And I'm fairly sure I was born gay. All my early memories of attraction relate to guys, or of convincing myself that affection for females was in any way sexual.0 -
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Am I the only one who actually likes being gay?
It's who I am and, since coming to terms with it, I wouldn't change it.
Sure there was a time (for like 20 years) that I tried my best to be the 'normal' straight guy but if I had the power to go back and change anything it would be to come out and be comfortable with myself at an earlier age -- given the wish, that's what it'd be. I wouldn't wish myself straight. While I don't put my sexuality at the forefront of 'who I am', it just seems too much of a fundamental thing to change... I've no idea who I would be if I were straight.
And I'm fairly sure I was born gay. All my early memories of attraction relate to guys, or of convincing myself that affection for females was in any way sexual.
No your not the only one i wouldn't change a thing as stated I wouldnt of met my partner and be the person who I am and had some of the most wonderful adventures that I have had.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if only back when i was in my teens that i knew life was going to be so much better then i could of ever imagined, i would of never of felt so awful about being gay!
Society is what needs to change not me. 0 -
Am I the only one who actually likes being gay?
It's who I am and, since coming to terms with it, I wouldn't change it.
...
I wouldn't wish myself straight. While I don't put my sexuality at the forefront of 'who I am', it just seems too much of a fundamental thing to change... I've no idea who I would be if I were straight.
And I'm fairly sure I was born gay. All my early memories of attraction relate to guys, or of convincing myself that affection for females was in any way sexual.
Seconded. Wonderful way of saying that.
And regarding the women's "changing sexuality" thing, a number of studies have shown that women's sexualities tend to be more fluid and more likely to change over time than men's.
Regarding the original poll, a much much better phrasing might have been:
I believe sexual orientation is due to:
a) Exclusively genetic factors
b) Mostly genetic factors, with some environmental factors
c) An approximately even mix of behavioural and environmental factors
d) Mostly environmental factors, with some genetic factors
e) Exclusively environmental factors
f) A personal choice unrelated to genetic and/or environmental factors
g) Other (please explain)
This avoids a lot of the problems your original wording had that, to be honest, quite irritated me and others.0 -
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Am I the only one who actually likes being gay?
It's who I am and, since coming to terms with it, I wouldn't change it.
Sure there was a time (for like 20 years) that I tried my best to be the 'normal' straight guy but if I had the power to go back and change anything it would be to come out and be comfortable with myself at an earlier age -- given the wish, that's what it'd be. I wouldn't wish myself straight. While I don't put my sexuality at the forefront of 'who I am', it just seems too much of a fundamental thing to change... I've no idea who I would be if I were straight.
What is there to like? The stigma and alienation? Or maybe the tiny selection of 'gay' pubs and clubs? How about the increased risk of early death and disease?
You say that sexuality isn't a fundamental part of who you are, but then contradict yourself by saying you don't know who you'd be if you were straight? If you truly believed that sexuality were incidental, than you would be you.......but straight. The same mannerisms, tastes and interests, no?
Tbh saying you 'like' being gay sounds like a desire to swim against the tide/be confrontationally counter culture manifested in sexuality. Which is exactly the arguement the 'homosexuality is a choice' crew seem to be so fond of isn't it?:rolleyes:0 -
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Read what I said again. I said I don't put it at the forefront of who I am -- I don't think "gay" would be the first thing on someone's "define Goodshape" list (could be wrong!You say that sexuality isn't a fundamental part of who you are, but then contradict yourself by saying you don't know who you'd be if you were straight?
) -- but I also said it is a fundamental part of who I am.
Well I don't, and never said I did, so that sort of rubbishes most of your post.If you truly believed that sexuality were incidental
I didn't like being in the closet (particularly when it was hiding from myself). It's stressful, emotionally draining, confusing and all-round kinda horrible experience. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Actually being gay I've found to be a lot better. I'm happy with the person I am, the friends I have, I like willys and naked men and to be perfectly ****ing honest I do like being a little bit 'different'.
At this stage in the game I wouldn't change it, and I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to like it.0 -
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