when you cry

metrovelvet

Do you apologise? Would you acknolwedge it as a violation of accepted decorum?

Lobelia Overhill

No, and no.

What's wrong with crying?

minidazzler

For some reason alot of people cry in front of me, and they all seem to apologise, I simply tell them there is no reason to apologise, but they insist on it. I find the apology more strange than the crying.

spinandscribble

i always say sorry no matter the circumstances (even if on reflection any sane person with a heart would have) i come from a family where emotions should be locked up in front of people who aren't my immediate family. plus a old ex gave out to me for crying when a friend died because "ah sure you didn't know him that well and he wasn't always very nice" *roll eyes* made me think at the time he was crazy but said sorry for crying since i wasn't completely sure who was crazier.

trying to accept that i cry sometimes and its allowed.

Faith

Yeah, I'd apologise usually. I'm quite uncomfortable crying in front of people though, so maybe that's why. Also, I'm a really ugly crier so I could be apologising for that!

lemon_sherbert

I suppose it depends on the circumstances. If I'm the only one crying, and I don't want to explain my reasons, then usually I'd apologise, but not for the tears, but for shutting the other person out. In front of my mother yes, as she seems to think that it's rude. In front of close friends, my dad or brother, I wouldn't think so.

I think there is a terrible disapproval sometimes when people cry, the 'pull yourself together' mentality. I suppose it comes from a society where any form of sadness or mental illness were traditionally hidden away. I really think it would be better if we could all talk more about it, be more open.

(On an odd side note, I was crying for the first time in yonks today, reading hideous criminal cases about sexual offfences, something I'd never admit to friends in college, who seem to be able to completely desensitise themselves to, but I find very upsetting. So if I burst into tears in the middle of a lectures, I'd definitely be apologising.)

Nevyn

It depends on the circumstances and who is present.

Wotzit

it really depends on what i'm crying about and who i'm doing it in front of ....

a bit off topic here but is there really anything better than a good ole whinge?? the feeling of relief afterwards is incredible. sometimes i stick on a film that i know will make me bawl my eyes out just cause i need a good cry (ie the colour purple, beaches) .... and the funny thing is, there's probably nothing major in my life going on that would actually make me sad enough to cry, i was probably in a good mood, skipping through day to day life without a care in the world and then something hits you (it's probably hormonal but i hate to admit that) and you sit down and have a fantastic, snots an all, cry.

i don't really cry in front of anyone so maybe this once every couple of months outlet of emotion clears all that crap out. i remember my boss really upset me once and i went into the conference room and hid behind a plant and had a bit of whimper but apart from that, i'm like a rock!!!!!!:D

allabouteve

metrovelvet wrote: »

Do you apologise? Would you acknolwedge it as a violation of accepted decorum?

I don't think it is a violation as such, since its so dependent on circumstances.

No bereaved family member at a funeral would be behaving outside socially acceptable norms if they were crying, for example.

There are times when tears are seen as inappropriate, but since some people are more obviously emotional than others, its tantamount to apologising for expressing yourself.

Sinall

If I do cry then I can't stop for ages, so sometimes apologise for length of crying bout! It's rare that I cry seeing as it would take a good two hours out of my day!

Hermione*

It depends, but I usually would. I often cry, and usually for ages when I do, so I much prefer not to cry in front of other people. Crying is a very personal thing for me, so I prefer to do it in my own company.

Funerals are obviously an exception to this.

sillyputty

I am a crier and have been told im emotional. I try not to cry in public i have done it most recently when i lost my job and its worse when someone tries to talk to you but i did find myself apologising to everyone but only because i was making them cry too.
Apart from funerals i also to cry openly at airports - I hate goodbyes.

Snowie

some people cry cause there mad other when there sad, other when there happy or even wining something....
There's no weakness in crying, i think the weakness is in the person looking down on the person who's crying..

Why should some one apoligise for doing something natural.. i don't really under stand why some would say sorry...

if you elbowed some one in the face who's standing behind you thats a call for saying sorry not for crying. Unless its drunken girl crying for some silly reason thats a different kettle of fish......

Orla K

If I'm crying in front of someone when I don't want to be I normally say "Oh, f*** it, I'm crying now". It normally surprises the other person that they then laugh. I was going out with someone that said it was something they loved about me, I never apologised when I cried. I met his mother around town a few months after he died and started crying, then she started, that's the only time I remember apologising but it was more for making her cry.

GirlInterrupted

When I'm crying its because I'm hurt or confused, and I usually do apologise, but only because I wouldn't want those present to think I'm trying to manipulate them.

I usually regret others witnessing it, I think it can exasperate them.

SarcasticFairy

Depending on the situation really. At something like a funeral, I wouldn't feel the need because my reasons for crying would be pretty obvious. But if I'm crying for some other reason, I'd normally say sorry and then probably explain why (depending on the person/people there). I don't think it's wrong to cry, but still I would feel uncomfortable crying in front of most people, if that makes any sense.

AnnieB82

metrovelvet wrote: »

Do you apologise? Would you acknolwedge it as a violation of accepted decorum?

I would apologise if my tears were inappropriate (e.g. I have PMS and have over-reacted to something) or say if I cry at work which has happend twice in 4 years and imo is 2 times too much as I don't think you should let go of your emotions to that extent in a professional environment. If I cry at a film etc I don't apologise...

Crumble Froo

depends who's around. at the moment im preparing to grovel after having a small meltdown in front of someone, not telling htem why, and then just sort of... emmm... running off.

then there's every time im in heathrow or hit immigration at the chch airport. tears, every single bloody time. usually end up telling them to ignore me, im sorry, ive just been travelling for the last 2 days and im just tired.

UpCork

I was brought up in a family that didn't show a lot of emotion & as a result I clammed up anytime anyone cried as I found it 'embarassing'.

However, I also found it impacted on my ability to cry or show emotion. I would never cry (unless it was something very, very serious) in front of friends and even in front of family, as a female, I wouldn't admit crying at a film or anything. As a result, if I am in a 'public' situation (and by that I mean, with my family around) and I am emotional about something, I often tend to end up getting in an argument about something stupid and then end up crying because of the argument and not over what I was orginally crying over as I didn't want to cry and be embarrassed.

It's something I really need to work on. Also, I am not a 'silent crier' i.e. I can't just have tears coming out my eyes. So it's very noticable when I do blub.

HereticPrincess

Yeah, by habit.. It's more like *sniff* *sniff* sorry..
Probably for looking all crazy full of eyeliner :rolleyes:

*Edit, also I would apologise if I was over-reacting or was in the wrong.. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with that.

Pyr0

sillyputty wrote: »

Apart from funerals i also to cry openly at airports - I hate goodbyes.

Sure, they'll be back in a week :pac:

I wouldn't cry infront of people unless i'm REALLY hurt, I would say sorry if it was out of context ie: Out of nowhere and unexpected but if it's for a reason (they know I'm hurt etc) then I wouldn't.

Walls

It depends, like so much of life. The last time I did cry I apologised, because it was over the behaviour of someone else (from my past) when I was talking to my fiancee! I felt it did deserve a bit of acknowledgment that it was hardly ideal!

I would apologise for crying, mainly because it means discussion is impossible. If I/the other person are trying to solve a conflict, me crying means we can't talk about it, both of us have to wait until the tears have passed and I've calmed down. But other than that, I don't really worry about crying, and I wouldn't expect the other person to worry much about it either.