Is it time to begin worshipping false Gods?

dublinario

The Christian God has clearly washed his hands of this recession. Might I suggest gathering on O'Connell Street to construct a giant, golden effigy of a new God? We could call him something Oirishy, like Peadar, and place in his hand a mighty, supernatural bazooka.

Nothing too crazy mind. Just a 40 - 50 foot crude, solid gold depiction of our new, more sensitive, hands-on God. We'll also hire some young maidens to frolic about the base of the statue, fornicating with passers by. Human sacrifices will also be considered on rare occasions, like Wednesdays (the Peadar Sabbath).

Our finest writers will be charged with writing a new bible for Peadar, detailing how he edged a controversial, narrow points decision against the devil in a bare knuckle boxing match one trillion years ago (to the day). We can also chuck in a virgin birth, to protect Peadar's mother's chastity (but subtly, the new bible will drop hints of her being a monumental slut).

regob

no

brummytom

yes

Mr. Frost

Maybe.

Mr Benevolent

Uhoh, I sense another heist. And isn't your new god just a copy of the old one?

Copy-and-paste religion. Oh well.

thelordofcheese

I don't know...

dublinario

Looks like a powder keg situation, neck and neck. There's a potential bloodbath in the works.

WindSock

I already worship the green traffic light. There is no room for other Gods in my life.

regob

i like lamp

dublinario

WindSock wrote: »

I already worship the green traffic light. There is no room for other Gods in my life.

Non-Peadar believing Heathens will be banished to the mythical land of Fingal (where ever the hell that is).

Turd Ferguson

Yes I would Kent

ScumLord

You have angered the money God with this talk of a false idol. Now prepare to suffer his wrath of life long crippling debt and over priced everyday goods.

Dartz

PURGE THE HERETICS!
DEATH TO THE UNCLEAN!
BURN THE TRAITOR!

FOR THE EMPEROR!

dublinario

ScumLord wrote: »

You have angered the money God with this talk of a false idol. Now prepare to suffer his wrath of life long crippling debt and over priced everyday goods.

You don't scare us ScumLord. Our God has titanium horns, and his penis is a revolving Gatling gun. Since we've built him from scratch, there's very few limits to his power or ferocity. I believe he also has the ability to roll his tongue.

brummytom

Would we still get christmas and easter?

regob

brummytom wrote: »

Would we still get christmas and easter?

no

brummytom

Not even at least one chocolate-based holiday?

dublinario

brummytom wrote: »

Would we still get christmas and easter?

Christmas and Easter in the new religion will be so long lasting, that they'll overlap. Christmas holidays alone will be 400 days long, so you'll spend your whole life accruing more holidays than you could ever take. Such will be the bountiful stupidity of our new religion. Unfortunately, the working week will be increased to 44 hours. But you'll be on holidays, so it won't make much difference to you. Feel free to strike over it though.

drunkmonkey

Will this new god allow me to have 6 wives, i'd also prefer a blowjob at the altar rather than a piece of cruty old bread...what's the freebies like...

brummytom

Ok that's great then - but chocolate? Please for the love of GodPeadar tell me we can keep the chocolate,, we don't wont holidays like the summer where chocolate doesn't take the centre stage.

I find it ironic I'm supposed to be doing RE Coursework at the moment

BaconZombie

You mean the Ori ?

Terry

I'm on board, as long as we don't have to actively worship him.
If he can roll his tongue, then we'll get the Iberians, Mexicans and South and Central Americans on board too.

dublinario

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Will this new god allow me to have 6 wives, i'd also prefer a blowjob at the altar rather than a piece of cruty old bread...what's the freebies like...

Blowjobs will replace most of the 'old religion' adult ceremonies and customs. Confession penance will be apportioned in blow-jobs, communion will by-on-large be blow-job based. Ditto weddings, and we might even throw in a blow-job for the deceased at funerals. Obviously we'll have to attract a certain calibre of woman priest to be dishing out these ceremonial felatios, but I'm confident of our drawing power.

thelordofcheese

BOFH_139 wrote: »

You mean the Ori ?

Shut up you, that never happ-- HALLOWED ARE THE ORI

ScumLord

dublinario wrote: »

You don't scare us ScumLord. Our God has titanium horns, and his penis is a revolving Gatling gun. Since we've built him from scratch, there's very few limits to his power or ferocity. I believe he also has the ability to roll his tongue.

Sounds expensive.

regob

count me in

dublinario

brummytom wrote: »

Ok that's great then - but chocolate? Please for the love of GodPeadar tell me we can keep the chocolate,, we don't wont holidays like the summer where chocolate doesn't take the centre stage.

Chocolate will be a central theme of our religion. In fact, the giant Peadar statue on O'Connel Street will dispense melted toblerone chocolate from a hole suspiciously close to where his anus would be, if he were a person rather than a statue. Some will find this off putting. Others will stand beneath the hole in hope of what they hope is chocolate.

Terry

ScumLord wrote: »

Sounds expensive.

We'll just confiscate all gold jewellery from the skanger population.

dublinario

regob wrote: »

count me in

No deal, you're out.

00112984

All gods are false anyway.

regob

dublinario wrote: »

No deal, you're out.

why, my mammy says im special

brummytom

dublinario wrote: »

Chocolate will be a central theme of our religion. In fact, the giant Peadar statue on O'Connel Street will dispense melted toblerone chocolate from a hole suspiciously close to where his anus would be, if he were a person rather than a statue. Some will find this off putting. Others will stand beneath the hole in hope of what they hope is chocolate.

I knew that's where toblerone came from. But they wouldnt believe me would they? No they wouldnt

ScumLord

Terry wrote: »

We'll just confiscate all gold jewellery from the skanger population.

But these are money Gods chosen people. He makes all others work for his attentions while skangers need only walk to the nearest post office. It's all this disrespect for money god that's responsible for tornadoes and recessions.

dublinario

Terry wrote: »

We'll just confiscate all gold jewellery from the skanger population.

Also, we'll steal from the rich and give to the richer, like snob Robin Hoods. The religion will also operate much like a pyramid scheme, whereby is enriched by further members they subscribe beneath them.

And I'm not talking fake "spiritual" enrichment. I mean cash money, doh, ray, me. Nobody gets in without completing an initiation course that costs 2 Gs. 1 G of that goes to the referrer. The other G goes to administration costs and maintenance of the Peadar statue. I'll take care of all that. Don't worry about it.

dublinario

regob wrote: »

why, my mammy says im special

I've heard enough. Your whole family are excommunicated.

regob

dublinario wrote: »

Also, we'll steal from the rich and give to the richer, like snob Robin Hoods. The religion will also operate much like a pyramid scheme, whereby is enriched by further members they subscribe beneath them.

And I'm not talking fake "spiritual" enrichment. I mean cash money, doh, ray, me. Nobody gets in without completing an initiation course that costs 2 Gs. 1 G of that goes to the referrer. The other G goes to administration costs and maintenance of the Peadar statue. I'll take care of all that. Don't worry about it.

not to sure bout this, i think ya need some money to build more peadar statues, like would one do for everybody

brummytom

dublinario wrote: »

Also, we'll steal from the rich and give to the richer, like snob Robin Hoods. The religion will also operate much like a pyramid scheme, whereby is enriched by further members they subscribe beneath them.

And I'm not talking fake "spiritual" enrichment. I mean cash money, doh, ray, me. Nobody gets in without completing an initiation course that costs 2 Gs. 1 G of that goes to the referrer. The other G goes to administration costs and maintenance of the Peadar statue. I'll take care of all that. Don't worry about it.

If we keep quiet about the heist, can we get in for free?

regob

dublinario wrote: »

I've heard enough. Your whole family are excommunicated.

what give you the right, i wanna vote

dublinario

00112984 wrote: »

All gods are false anyway.

True, but we aim to be the falsest. We'll bring in a whole raft of implausible bullsh*t that makes fishes, loaves, reincarnation and parting of seas look like an episode of Eastenders.

dublinario

regob wrote: »

what give you the right, i wanna vote

I am Peadar's chosen representative on earth. He came to me one night, which I wasn't comfortable with, because I as in the Jay's Fluid, and I get the feeling he'd been standing there for a while before I woke up.

Dub: Who the f*ck are you? Why are you in my bedroom?
Peadar: I am the Peadar God.
Dub: What's a Peadar God.
Peadar: I think the question is, what isn't a Peadar God.
Dub: No, the question was, what is a Peadar God?
Peadar: You challenging me, boy?
Dub: I'm telling you that your mouth is writing cheques your ass can't cash.
Peadar: How many testicles do you have?
Dub: Two.
Peadear: Now?
Dub: One.
Peadar: You see my power?
Dub: Fair enough.

Ever since that day, I have been his messenger. Anger me not. For to anger me, is to anger The Peader God.

brummytom

Hitler only had one testicle,, was he also Peader's representative on earth? Because if so,, this religion lark is getting less appealing

regob

dublinario wrote: »

I am Peadar's chosen representative on earth. He came to me one night, which I wasn't comfortable with, because I as in the Jay's Fluid, and I get the feeling he'd been standing there for a while before I woke up.

Dub: Who the f*ck are you? Why are you in my bedroom?
Peadar: I am the Peadar God.
Dub: What's a Peadar God.
Peadar: I think the question is, what isn't a Peadar God.
Dub: No, the question was, what is a Peadar God?
Peadar: You challenging me, boy?
Dub: I'm telling you that your mouth is writing cheques your ass can't cash.
Peadar: How many testicles do you have?
Dub: Two.
Peadear: Now?
Dub: One.
Peadar: You see my power?
Dub: Fair enough.

Ever since that day, I have been his messenger. Anger me not. For to anger me, is to anger The Peader God.

please forgive me and let me join

dublinario

brummytom wrote: »

Hitler only had one testicle,, was he also Peader's representative on earth? Because if so,, this religion lark is getting less appealing

It's a common misconception that all uni-testicled beings are evil incarnate, blood-thirsty maniacal extermination machines. The actual percentage is little over 50%.

S.I.R

dublinario wrote: »

The Christian God has clearly washed his hands of this recession. Might I suggest gathering on O'Connell Street to construct a giant, golden effigy of a new God? We could call him something Oirishy, like Peadar, and place in his hand a mighty, supernatural bazooka.

Nothing too crazy mind. Just a 40 - 50 foot crude, solid gold depiction of our new, more sensitive, hands-on God. We'll also hire some young maidens to frolic about the base of the statue, fornicating with passers by. Human sacrifices will also be considered on rare occasions, like Wednesdays (the Peadar Sabbath).

Our finest writers will be charged with writing a new bible for Peadar, detailing how he edged a controversial, narrow points decision against the devil in a bare knuckle boxing match one trillion years ago (to the day). We can also chuck in a virgin birth, to protect Peadar's mother's chastity (but subtly, the new bible will drop hints of her being a monumental slut).

40-50 gold statue... where will ya get funding for that ?? its a recession !

Sam Vimes

What do you mean begin worshipping false gods :P

brummytom wrote: »

Would we still get christmas and easter?

Easter eggs are related to the goddess of renewal and the earth and have nothing to do with Jebus so they can stay

And Christmas has its roots in the Roman's Saturnalia and winter solstice festivals and that type of thing so it can stay too. We just have to forget the meaning we have ascribed to it, the birth of Santa

dublinario

regob wrote: »

please forgive me and let me join

Ok you're in, but I think you'd better serve Peadar in the afterlife. Being a new religion, Peadar Heaven is currently empty. We need someone to be there when people start arriving, just to help them get checked in, find a bunk bed, show them around etc.

To that end, would you mind throwing yourself off a bridge at the earliest possible convenience?

dublinario

S.I.R wrote: »

40-50 gold statue... where will ya get funding for that ?? its a recession !

We'll all have to dig deep sir. I know times are hard, and we're all scrounging to make ends meet. But I know if we can pull together, scrape our coppers and hay'pennies together, we can build a giant, 24 caret gold statue on prime real estate in the city centre.

Nodin

regob wrote: »

no

Yes, in the form of Stoutmas and Dutch Gold Day.

regob

dublinario wrote: »

Ok you're in, but I think you'd better serve Peadar in the afterlife. Being a new religion, Peadar Heaven is currently empty. We need someone to be there when people start arriving, just to help them get checked in, find a bunk bed, show them around etc.

To that end, would you mind throwing yourself off a bridge at the earliest possible convenience?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGiijpOex8M

dublinario

Nodin wrote: »

Yes, in the form of Stoutmas and Dutch Gold Day.

Alcohol will be banned in the new religion. Thankfully, the meaning of the words 'non-alcoholic' and 'alcoholic' will be swapped. To avoid confusion, 'sober' will mean 'drunk', and 'alcoholic' will mean 'nobleman'.

regob

dublinario wrote: »

Alcohol will be banned in the new religion. Thankfully, the meaning of the words 'non-alcoholic' and 'alcoholic' will be swapped. To avoid confusion, 'sober' will mean 'drunk', and 'alcoholic' will mean 'nobleman'.

why does this have to be a rule, this just confuses me