Confessions of a Thanks Junkie

Armin_Tamzarian

Recently, some of my Threads have been drawing negative comments from other Posters.
A sample of these comments include, "you're a loser", "stop posting", "get out", "I hate you", etc.
I'd like to thank all these negative posters for finally bringing me to my senses.
For you see, these lame posts of mine are the product of a much darker problem than a poor sense of humour.
If you'll bear with me I'd like to come clean and tell my story.
This is going to take awhile so if you're going to reply with 'TLDR' then you
may as well 'GTFO' now.

---

I guess with any tale of misery such as this, one must start back at the beginning...
Like alot of youngsters starting out on boards, I had my idols.
I'd look up with starry eyes at the likes of Thaedydal, dr.bollocko, AlmightyCushion,
the legendary Pighead and of course HIM.
Schoolboys wanted to be them, women wanted to be with them.
They were the 'Most Thanked Posters Ever'.
Some of these guys had even managed to clock up 2000+ Thanks.
I was in awe.

I'd send them PMs telling them how much I liked their posts but they'd never write me back.
Sometimes I'd hang around for hours outside BEERS events waiting to glimpes my idols.
This one time, after waiting around in the blistering cold for 4 hours, I saw them, Pighead and Javaboy.
"Pighead, Pighead, over here", I shouted.
I'd brought a printout of one of his posts with me.
"Please Mr. Pighead, won't you sign this for me?", I begged.
But he just replied "Sorry kid, Pighead doesn't do autographs",
and off he trotted with the rest of the 'Legends of the Boards'.
Off to their Ivory Tower to write out some more brilliant posts,
and to be 'Thanked-Off' backstage by some Thread-Groupies, no doubt.

When I first arrived on the scene I used to sit there reading their posts in awe.
As time passed I started to feel left out, it felt like all the Posters around me were receiving Thanks except me.
I wanted in.
I wanted to taste the sweetness of some Thanks.
But how to go about it?

I could never dream of being in the same league as these guys.
I wasn't blessed with any wit or creativity of mind.
My education was poor, I never received no book learnin and such.
My intelligence could be described as lower-average at best.
As a child by Mother's pet name for me was 'Remedial'...

However, I overcame my disadvantages and eventually figured out how to get my hands on some quick Thanks.
By replying to posts with some idiotic response that included the line 'yore Ma'
and/or a reference to 'Paul O'Connell', Thanks was guaranteed.
That's how it started.
Every couple of days I'd get the odd Thanks here and the odd Thanks there.
It was just a little fun, a quick high, no harm.

As time went on, things quickly degenerated.
Soon, my only reason for living was the daily struggle to get more and more 'Thanks'.
I'd scan through post after post, looking for an opening.
Any chance to get in quick, to reply with a predictable cheapshot or an overused Simpsons reference.
I'd churn out post after pointless post and then sit there endlessly hitting F5.
Waiting for some Thanks to come in.

As each day passed my habit grew and grew, it seemed like nothing could satify my cravings.
I was going to have to aim for the big time.
To aim to get Thanked on the same level as my heroes.
Then one day I thought I'd pulled it off, that I'd finally hit the big time.
A post with more Thanks than I could ever have imagined.
Surely now my appetite would be suppressed and I could get my life back.
However, it wasn't enough, my appetite only grew.
I knew then that there was only one way that my appetite would ever be satisfied.
I'd have to find a way to get even more Thanks, than HIM.

I'm sorry, even as I write this my body is starting to shake and cold sweat is falling on my keyboard.
It's been 5 hours since I got my last Thanks.
It was for a post containing a tired 'Chuck Norris' reference.:(

So I tried and tried in vain until evenutally it hit me.
The horrible realisation that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how good I became,
that I would never overtake HIM.

Most Thanked Post Ever - Terry - 140

The reality is this; he is completely and utterly unstoppable.
I can try, I can come close, but what happends every time the dragon's tail is in sight?
When I finally manage to get 139 Thanks in a Post?
I'll tell you what happens.
Some n00b picks up on a reference to 'that picture' and asks "what's all this about?".
Cue a link being provided and the inevitable avalanche of fresh Thanks that it brings in...

Most Thanked Post Ever - Terry - 160

And on, and on, and on, always coming so close only to have it snatched from me every time.
I know now that even if I posted up a cure for Cancer and AIDs that it still wouldn't be enough
to get more thanks than HIM, nothing can compete with 'that picture'.

Accepting this fact has been the first step on my road to salvation.
The acknowledgement that I have a disease, a want that can never be filled.
And now it's finally time to change.
Time to go clean.
For you see, even if I were to defeat this Collosus, then what?
Then I myself would become the dragon that could not be caught.
Forever trapped in an endless cycle, chasing my own tail.
Constantly struggling to come up with better and better posts.

So that's my story, that's my life as a Thanks Junkie.

I tell this story so that it might help all the other Thanks Fiends out there.
They're all around us as I speak, waiting for this Thread to be posted, waiting to pounce.
Poised and ready to be the first one in with a predictable putdown or
an over-recycled FAIL comment.
Scurrying aways afterwards to score themselves some more cheap Thanks.
Most likely by making a hilariously oringinal Rape joke, probably involving the Fritzel family.
It's not too late for you guys, save yourselves while you still can.

As and from tomorrow I'm going cold Turkey, my keybord and mouse will be smashed
and my broadband will be cut off...

But first I need just one more score, to ease myself off it, then that's it...

RoundyMooney

Um, you're a loser, stop posting, get out, I hate you?

Vain

Not another one:pac:

Vain

O and tl;dr x3

Kiera

No one likes a try-hard, OP.

Latchy

It's quality over quantity with the thanks button.

Not like your getting a medal every time your thanked FFS

AlmightyCushion

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

I'd look up with starry eyes at the likes of Thaedydal, dr.bollocko, AlmightyCushion,
the legendary Pighead and of course HIM.
I'd send them PMs telling them how much I liked their posts but they'd never write me back.

You never sent me any pm's. I always respond to PM's from my fans. It may just be "Fúck off" or "Get me some more goddamned whiskey or I'll cut you" but I always write back.

Quazzie

Between the soberaholic thread, the I lst my job thread and now this.

I think you'd e better posting n creative wrting, or PI.

Dante

Schoolboys wanted to be them, women wanted to be with them.
They were the 'Most Thanked Posters Ever'.

Like alot of youngsters starting out on boards, I had my idols.
I'd look up with starry eyes at the likes of......

Please tell me this isnt serious!

Disease Ridden

"SKINNER!!"

"Superintendent Chalmers!"

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Thank you. There, I said it. But I'm not thanking the post.

AlmightyCushion

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

I think you'd e better posting n creative wrting.

I think he may have borrowed a lot of it from a film or book. I remember something similar sounding in Goodfellas, I may be wrong though.

Insect Overlord

I can't believe 2 people actually thanked him for that...

Dartz

It's nice to feel needed, even if it is just electronically.

It's nice to think that maybe, just maybe, somebody on the other side of the world gives a ****e that you go off your fat arse to add something.

Kiera

An File wrote: »

I can't believe 2 people actually thanked him for that...

Agreed. Do you know what would be the dogs? If they took away the option to thank him at all like they did with sherifu! <insert evil laugh>

My name is URL

Dude,

a blog...

get one =p

Insect Overlord

Kiera wrote: »

Agreed. Do you know what would be the dogs? If they took away the option to thank him at all like they did with sherifu! <insert evil laugh>

I'm sure somebody is working on it as we speak

callaway92

no

giggsy664

I know how to cure Aids and Cancer

Aids: Nuke Africa + Kill Teh Gheys!!!! (And javaboy, we gotta kill him anyway!!)

Cancer: Clone a million Jade Goody's to raise awareness. Simple.

I also know how to fight the Recession. You see, if a litre of petrol costs one euro. Spend fifty cent on half a litre, and with the money you save, you can buy the other half. Yes, no need to thank me.

Gummy Panda

tl;dr

if this was in feedback i'd be posting lolcats by now

Insect Overlord

giggsy664 wrote: »

I also know how to fight the Recession. You see, if a litre of petrol costs one euro. Spend fifty cent on half a litre, and with the money you save, you can buy the other half. Yes, no need to thank me.

Have you never heard of Alegrabaroque, the enlightened poster who's answer to the Recession was simply to worship God more?

wylo

I gave him one but retracted it after realising he asked for a thanks. It suddenly gayed up the whole joke

Abi

Who the hell are you calling n00b?!

/goes back to double-check me thanked it

Terry

I am but small fry.

Saibh

I think by now, he has gotten the hint

javaboy

Terry wrote: »

I am but small fry.

Dude. Mods & Subscribers only.

Sabre0001

/sigh

Kiera

Terry wrote: »

I am but small fry.

Woohoo the girls are winning :P

Terry

javaboy wrote: »

Dude. Mods & Subscribers only.

That's just to stop people doing too much thanks whoring.
That list changes all the time.

Abi

I did thank his hyper-linked post, unawares of the record. Just thanked up the original.

Im a pleasure / pain kinda girl

javaboy

javaboy wrote: »

Dude. Mods & Subscribers only.

could be worse, it did show that your second which isn't too bad :P

AlmightyCushion

Kiera wrote: »

Woohoo the girls are winning :P

Theadydal is no woman, she's a thanks whoring beast.

Silverfish

I know of several people (myself included) that lost their thanks buttons for a year for suspected thanks whoring.

Fine line.


Nobody thank this post please.


EDIT: oh very funny lads :mad:

Gummy Panda

Deleted User wrote: »

could be worse, it did show that your second which isn't too bad :P

Yeah only 289 more thanks to be pushed into first, Javaboy.

I think they're making a group effort in the ladies lounge to screw you out of first place.

SHENANIGANS!!

:pac:

Saibh

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Theadydal is no woman, she's a thanks whoring beast.

Someone is jealous....




/gets coat

javaboy

Deleted User wrote: »

could be worse, it did show that your second which isn't too bad :P

It takes pride of place on my CV.

Kiera

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Theadydal is no woman, she's a thanks whoring beast.

Its ok AC, one day all that will be yours.

Gummy Panda

Kiera wrote: »

Its ok AC, one day all that will be yours.

whoring or the thanks?

Kiera

Gummy Panda wrote: »

whoring or the thanks?

Whoring a beast.

Professey Chin

Abigayle wrote: »

Im a pleasure / pain kinda girl

My favourite kind

Armin_Tamzarian

Well, it appears that the people have spoken so I'll keep my strange
sense of humour to myself, as I seem to be the only one that gets it.
Point taken.

I do think that some people's attitudes is somewhat excessive.
It's a thread for crying out loud, I didn't insult or offend anyone.
It was merley an (apparantly poor) attempt to poke fun at some
of the cheap methods employed by some to receive Thanks.

As I said before, I'd rather try and FAIL than never try at all.


P.S. I think the Armin_Tamzarian thread is really uncalled for.

RoundyMooney

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

My favourite kind

Careful Chinner.

She didn't say who got the pleasure and who got the pain.

javaboy

javaboy wrote: »

It takes pride of place on my CV.

"i'm not sure what you see in this guy john.. he doesn't even have a medical degree. are you sure you want him in surgery with you..?"

"trust me barbara, these statistics speak for themselves.. 4148 thanked posts? that's the calibre of man i need on my team.. make it happen woman."

congo_90

Thats 5mins of my time you owe me for that, op.

Queen-Mise

I liked the original post - at least he tried. And I thanked him for his hard work.


/scuttles out exit, with head lowered

Armin_Tamzarian

Aw Jeez...
My Therapist is gonna have his hands full after all this.:(

Dave!

wtl;dr

javaboy

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Aw Jeez...
My Therapist is gonna have his hands full after all this.:(

Point to the part of the doll....

Mr Benevolent

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Therapist

Was anyone else disturbed to discover that this word can be broken down into 'The Rapist'?

I used to be a therapist. Admittedly I only raped their bank accounts.

Armin_Tamzarian

wylo wrote: »

I gave him one but retracted it after realising he asked for a thanks. It suddenly gayed up the whole joke

Did I?
Where?

Confab

Confab wrote: »

Was anyone else disturbed to discover that this word can be broken down into 'The Rapist'?

it's fitting that the rapist gets the therapist more business.