Boyfriend didn't even get me a card

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Not a huge issue I know but just wondering what your views on my boyfriend not even getting me a card for my birthday. We have been together for 3 years although we broke up just before Christmas and recently got back together. It was my birthday on Friday and seeing as he broke up with me and hurt me badly I thought he'd go all out for my birthday and get me something special. I'm not materialistic at all and would even appreciate a home made card and a single rose or something but he got me nothing.

He says he has no money but I think if you really cared you'd pull the money from somewhere. We don't live in the same city so he couldn't cook me a meal or anything but I expected a little present in the post. Nothing. No present, no card even. He said that when he comes to visit next weekend he'll take me out for dinner as a birthday present but that just feels lame to me.

Am I being unreasonale or greedy by expecting a small gift? I especially think that since were just back together (2 months) and he claims that he's so sorry for hurting me and wants to 'make up for all teh pain' that he would treat me a better then this??!!

Thanks guys

sparkydee27

Seriously he should have got you something. If he has no money there are ways around that. You don't have to spend a fortune on someone to show you care. You're definitely going to have to bring this up with him again otherwise it's going to eat at you. I don't think you're being greedy you're feelings have been hurt by your boyfriends lack of thought.

MagicMarker

He said he's taking you out for dinner, wtf is people's stupid obsession with fúcking cards?

StormWarrior

He could defo have got you something, like you said even a handmade card. Wildflowers are in bloom outside, he could have picked you a bunch. Sounds like he can't be bothered to make an effort.

PCPhoto

I blame hallmark and their commercialisation of EVERYTHING !!!

jellie

how does he usually treat your birthday?

did he acknowledge the day?

personally i make a fuss of people on their birthdays, others dont. if hed usually spoil you then something else is wrong.

I know id be very upset if my bf didnt bother to acknowledge my birthday, but at the same time hes not ignoring it, hes bringing you for dinner next week.

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

He said he's taking you out for dinner, wtf is people's stupid obsession with fúcking cards?

I don't have an obsession with 'f*cking cards' so there's no need to be so rude.
For his birthday I got him a football jersey and tickets to a gig that he really wanted to go too. For mine he got me nothing. I don't expect much at all and cards actually annoy me, I normally read it and then throw it in the bin or shove it in a drawer but it's the sentiment that matters to me. It made me feel really unspecial that even my housemates threw me a dinner party and gave me little things like body scrubs and stuff but he just said I'll take you for dinner. When he comes we always go for dinner so that doesn't really mean anything.
We broke up cause he cheated and he's apparently making amends and trying to make it up to me. How dare you be so judgemental. How's it feel to be perfect and unaffected by things? Bet your single too.

PCPhoto

I'm NOT a present person - actually I hate the expectation of everyone to receive presents and the costs involved in birthdays/hallmark days.

Maybe your OH was busy and forgot, or has changed his attitude towards spending money (maybe he might have financial issues that he's hiding from you)

sillyputty

I dunno i always like to get a card it shows the person is thinking about you on your birthday i don't think you are being greedy.
Wait until the weekend and see what he does maybe he'll realise he should have got you something and will go all out then?

He's taking you out for your bday and has no money, will you chill over the card
did he ring? say happy bday? make a fuss verbally?

d1widdhair

i had the same problem, me n my boyfriends anniversary is d 11th of feb n we had planned to celebrate that and just exchange cards on valentines day 3 days later. but i got no card, because apparently he spent a lot of money on the anniversary. i felt hurt even still because i thought he knew id appreciate a handmade card just as much but apparently he didnt. there are a lot of guys who think everytime they have to buy something it must be better then the last time otherwise its worse then giving nothing. i say dont get upset just yet he might still surprise u, and remember he might think you would prefer to c him in person then to recieve a card.

Gyalist

StormWarrior wrote: »

He could defo have got you something, like you said even a handmade card. Wildflowers are in bloom outside, he could have picked you a bunch. Sounds like he can't be bothered to make an effort.

Did you fail to notice that the OP said that they don't live in the same city?!?

Teferi

I'm with your boyfriend on this. Why waste money on a card? It's also good for the environment. My girlfriend and I never give each other cards.

He said he'll take you out to dinner when he next goes down to you so I don't see the problem here.

StormWarrior

He could have dried some flowers and sent them to her!

Seriously though I did not see that bit. Well, if you live far away from each other and couldn't meet up on your birthday, I guess it's not that bad if he's planning to celebrate with you at a later date.

easyeason3

I personally think you're expecting too much from him. A lot of guys are not into cards & stuff, it's not because he doesn't care but that the thought didn't come into his head.
I'm with my partner for the last three years & I have never been given a card or a bunch of flowers. It honestly doesn't bother me because I know he's not a romantic guy & I'm not in a relationship with him to mould him into what I want him to be. He is what he is & I can't (& wouldn't) change that.
It really seems a bit of a petty thing to be complaining about to be honest especially as he's taking you out for dinner even though he's skint.

*Honey*

Did he say he was going to bring you out to dinner before or after you said something about the non-existent card? If it was before, then don't stress - he's probably saving money for the meal. If it was after, then it's possible he thought of some excuse fast.

As you are long distance, did he call you to say Happy Birthday? Did he make any other effort to acknowledge the day? If he called and/or acknowledged the day in some other fashion, don't stress - if he completely ignored it, then I'd be pissed too.

I agree that you don't "need" a card on an occassion but birthdays and events like that should be acknowledged by your significant other (most especially when you've only just gotten back together after something, I suspect, was his fault).

Teferi

*Honey* wrote: »

(most especially when you've only just gotten back together after something, I suspect, was his fault).

Hardly a fair assumption. Him breaking up with her does not mean anything was his fault.

*Honey*

Teferi, I quote from the OP's post:

I especially think that since were just back together (2 months) and he claims that he's so sorry for hurting me and wants to 'make up for all teh pain' that he would treat me a better then this??!!

Sounds to me like he did something in the past - why else would he apologise for hurting her and make up for all the pain?

dudette1

Id say wait until ye go out for Dinner and see what happens before saying much more on it.
I like getting cards off the boyfriend as he write some really sweet things in them , a card is only gonna cost a few euro but at the same time I wudnt think tooo much if I didnt get one. Its only a peice of paper after all

CDfm

Some people are great on all the card stuff. I am and will always be useless. It can be embarrassing.

Then I reckon g/f is lucky enough to have me not to need material things.

OP - grow up and lighten up.

pcardin

birthdayblues wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Not a huge issue I know but just wondering what your views on my boyfriend not even getting me a card for my birthday. We have been together for 3 years although we broke up just before Christmas and recently got back together. It was my birthday on Friday and seeing as he broke up with me and hurt me badly I thought he'd go all out for my birthday and get me something special. I'm not materialistic at all and would even appreciate a home made card and a single rose or something but he got me nothing.

He says he has no money but I think if you really cared you'd pull the money from somewhere. We don't live in the same city so he couldn't cook me a meal or anything but I expected a little present in the post. Nothing. No present, no card even. He said that when he comes to visit next weekend he'll take me out for dinner as a birthday present but that just feels lame to me.

Am I being unreasonale or greedy by expecting a small gift? I especially think that since were just back together (2 months) and he claims that he's so sorry for hurting me and wants to 'make up for all teh pain' that he would treat me a better then this??!!

Thanks guys

Runaway from him. You don't need to spend yourself with a man who has no money even for single rose or chocolate bar. Sex for free is no longer in vogue!

MagicMarker

*Honey* wrote: »

Teferi, I quote from the OP's post:

I especially think that since were just back together (2 months) and he claims that he's so sorry for hurting me and wants to 'make up for all teh pain' that he would treat me a better then this??!!

Sounds to me like he did something in the past - why else would he apologise for hurting her and make up for all the pain?

So what if he did something in the past? Unless the OP took him back under the condition that he get her a card every year for the rest of her life, then it's really not important.

LegacyUser

dont make a mountain out of a molehill....wait untill you see him, he might have got you a card or a present and may give it to you in person.

but on the otherhand, he cheated on you and if you are having doubts now about how he is treating you, get out of there, FAST.

Beruthiel

birthdayblues wrote: »

Nothing. No present, no card even. He said that when he comes to visit next weekend he'll take me out for dinner as a birthday present but that just feels lame to me.

Going out to dinner is lame?
One birthday card = €2.50
One birthday dinner = €80/100 minimum
How is that lame?
Going out to dinner is one of my favourite things to do and I would consider it a great birthday present.
You expect too much. High expectations = lots of disappointments. Lower them.

Teferi

*Honey* wrote: »

Teferi, I quote from the OP's post:

I especially think that since were just back together (2 months) and he claims that he's so sorry for hurting me and wants to 'make up for all teh pain' that he would treat me a better then this??!!

Sounds to me like he did something in the past - why else would he apologise for hurting her and make up for all the pain?

I think she was talking about the fact that he broke up with her. He breaking up with her doesn't mean he done something wrong.

LegacyUser

I don't think the card or lack of it is the problem?

what do you want? and when you know tell him...he's not a mind reader

LegacyUser

Teferi are you just been annoying or did you not bother reading previous page.

Quote op:We broke up cause he cheated and he's apparently making amends and trying to make it up to me.

Polleta

I like to give cards in person so perhaps he has one for you when he sees you.

I like a text the morning of your birthday though its a nice thought. It is the little things that mean something to me.

MagicMarker

birthdayblues wrote: »

I don't have an obsession with 'f*cking cards' so there's no need to be so rude.
For his birthday I got him a football jersey and tickets to a gig that he really wanted to go too.

So? Do you normally buy things with the intention of getting something equally as good in return?

birthdayblues wrote: »

For mine he got me nothing. I don't expect much at all and cards actually annoy me, I normally read it and then throw it in the bin or shove it in a drawer but it's the sentiment that matters to me.

He lives in a different city and told you he'd take you out for dinner, but yet you'd prefer it if he bought you something that you don't actually like, which you'd throw in the bin.

Well that makes sense.

birthdayblues wrote: »

It made me feel really unspecial that even my housemates threw me a dinner party and gave me little things like body scrubs and stuff but he just said I'll take you for dinner. When he comes we always go for dinner so that doesn't really mean anything.

I'm sure you'll say so when you're munching on your free dinner.

birthdayblues wrote: »

We broke up cause he cheated and he's apparently making amends and trying to make it up to me. How dare you be so judgemental.

So how long does it usually take to make up for cheating? Is it just the one card? Does he get extra points for making it himself?

Also, I'd love for you to point out where I'm judging you in my original post?

birthdayblues wrote: »

How's it feel to be perfect and unaffected by things? Bet your single too.

Now who's being judgmental?

Latchy

Think some on here are missing the point .The card OP wanted was for reasurrence ie, he was thinking of her .Which is what all cards, be they B'day ,christmas , 21rst etc are ment to do .

People who say '' what's this obsession with cards '' just dont get it . :rolleyes:

MagicMarker

Latchy wrote: »

People who say '' what's this obsession with cards '' just dont get it . :rolleyes:

You're right, we're ALL wrong. None of us have any idea what the purpose of a birthday card is. :rolleyes:

OP, you've been asked a couple of times with no answer, did he acknowledge your birthday? Did he say/text happy birthday?

AnnieB82

Beruthiel wrote: »

Going out to dinner is lame?
One birthday card = €2.50
One birthday dinner = €80/100 minimum
How is that lame?
Going out to dinner is one of my favourite things to do and I would consider it a great birthday present.
You expect too much. High expectations = lots of disappointments. Lower them.

I don't agree with this, as I don't think the point is the actual value of the card, it's just the gesture of giving the card itself. Sure a dinner is great, and many guys are just not into giving/receiving cards, but if a guy/girl knows one would mean a lot to a partner, it surely is not a lot to ask is it? It's more the fact that money aside it's easy to just bring someone out for dinner, but writing a card can be a lot more personal. For me, gesutres like this are not about their monetary value, it's more the fact that some thought and effort was put into it.
I certainly don't think it's expceting too much for someone to expect a card when their partner knows it would mean a lot to them....

Latchy

MagicMarker wrote: »

You're right, we're ALL wrong. None of us have any idea what the purpose of a birthday card is. :rolleyes:

least your honest :rolleyes:

*Honey*

Guys... it's the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of her special day that she wants.. the card in itself makes no difference to her. The card is a symbol of his love for her on that day ... the dinner invite may or may not be bogus, depending on the timing of the invite.

OP, my question remains - did he say you'd go out to dinner before or after you complained about the card?

And yes, if he's cheated on her, he has a lot of sucking up to do.

MagicMarker

AnnieB82 wrote: »

I don't agree with this, as I don't think the point is the actual value of the card, it's just the gesture of giving the card itself. Sure a dinner is great, and many guys are just not into giving/receiving cards, but if a guy/girl knows one would mean a lot to a partner, it surely is not a lot to ask is it? It's more the fact that money aside it's easy to just bring someone out for dinner, but writing a card can be a lot more personal. For me, gesutres like this are not about their monetary value, it's more the fact that some thought and effort was put into it.
I certainly don't think it's expceting too much for someone to expect a card when their partner knows it would mean a lot to them....

What thought and effort is put into a card?

It's probably the LEAST thoughtful gift possible ffs.

LegacyUser

hi BB,

dont be worried! did he text u or call u on ur birthday? many guys are not just that into cards... dinner is special and you have to be able to appreciate him for what he is able to show you in the way that he prefers...but at the same time you need to let him know that you like to get cards and that it means something to you... the fact that you had issues in the past and he should make things up to you should NOT be a factor in how things are now.... as you got back together to make a fresh start and you cant keep bringing the past up. my best advise over dinner just let him know that you are very appreciative but also let him know that it would mean alot to you if he got you a card to remember that it is a new start for both off you- i think every woman should be treated like a princess by the man they love and if they are not- then you have to point them in the right direction but in a way that is not patronising.... best of luck and remember the best thing for a relationship is always open and honest communication xoxoxo by the way my BF isnt into cards but shows his love in other ways

*Honey*

MagicMarker wrote: »

What thought and effort is put into a card?

It's probably the LEAST thoughtful gift possible ffs.

It's more than he's done up til now for her birthday.

Latchy

*Honey* wrote: »

Guys... it's the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of her special day that she wants.. the card in itself makes no difference to her. The card is a symbol of his love for her on that day ... the dinner invite may or may not be bogus, depending on the timing of the invite.
.

Precisely my point

easyeason3

*Honey* wrote: »

Guys... it's the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of her special day that she wants.. the card in itself makes no difference to her. The card is a symbol of his love for her on that day ... the dinner invite may or may not be bogus, depending on the timing of the invite.

OP, my question remains - did he say you'd go out to dinner before or after you complained about the card?

And yes, if he's cheated on her, he has a lot of sucking up to do.

Why does his previous cheating have anything to do with it? If she's back with him I can only presume she forgave him. I don't believe in this idea of him having to 'suck up'. He did it, they broke up, they got back together so get over it. Generally speaking if it is that much of an issue then she should not be with him.

It sounds like the OP is after attention & for people to pander to her emotionally. She's after being asked questions that she hasn't answered because I'd say the answer won't suit her sob story.

Locamon

It would be good if the OP gave a bit more detail on whether he rang or texted or made any effort on the day. Some people -as is evident here are just not into the card thing.
If he didn't make any effort at all on the day then give him the serious boot 'cause whatever he does now is seriously of no consequence.
I like getting a card myself but lets be honest they are a rip off and one of the less thoughtful things you can do...great marketing from Hallmark that makes us all think we have to send one;)

MagicMarker

*Honey* wrote: »

It's more than he's done up til now for her birthday.

I doubt that.

It would appear from the OP's lack of answer, as well not even mentioning otherwise, that he did in fact wish her a happy birthday. Which is an ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of her ''special day''.

shelly.m

MagicMarker wrote: »

He said he's taking you out for dinner, wtf is people's stupid obsession with fúcking cards?

your so nice u know that.

*Honey*

MagicMarker wrote: »

I doubt that.

It would appear from the OP's lack of answer, as well not even mentioning otherwise, that he did in fact wish her a happy birthday. Which is an ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of her ''special day''.

That's an assumption - we can only go on the information the OP has given. So far we don't know if he's acknowledged her birthday or not.

MagicMarker

shelly.m wrote: »

your so nice u know that.

I really do.

*Honey* wrote: »

That's an assumption - we can only go on the information the OP has given. So far we don't know if he's acknowledged her birthday or not.

And you don't know if he didn't.

*Honey* wrote: »

It's more than he's done up til now for her birthday.

*Honey*

easyeason3 wrote: »

[/b]

Why does his previous cheating have anything to do with it? If she's back with him I can only presume she forgave him. I don't believe in this idea of him having to 'suck up'. He did it, they broke up, they got back together so get over it. Generally speaking if it is that much of an issue then she should not be with him.

It sounds like the OP is after attention & for people to pander to her emotionally. She's after being asked questions that she hasn't answered because I'd say the answer won't suit her sob story.

If you read the OP's post, she has said that he promised to make up the previous hurt to her (she said he'd cheated on her). To me, a promise like that surely should include acknowledging her birthday? Maybe not to everyone but I know that I'd be upset if a partner of mine didn't make some effort - mostly especially after a promise such as the one he's made. I've no need to "get over" anything - I'm only taking the information she's given to date. We can't make assumptions around what we imagine are the answers to the questions she's already been asked.

MagicMarker

*Honey* wrote: »

If you read the OP's post, she has said that he promised to make up the previous hurt to her (she said he'd cheated on her). To me, a promise like that surely should include acknowledging her birthday? Maybe not to everyone but I know that I'd be upset if a partner of mine didn't make some effort - mostly especially after a promise such as the one he's made. I've no need to "get over" anything - I'm only taking the information she's given to date. We can't make assumptions around what we imagine are the answers to the questions she's already been asked.

Where did she say he promised anything?

shelly.m

MagicMarker wrote: »

I really do.



And you don't know if he didn't.

YA IM SURE

Silverfish

Guys, I'm pretty sure there's some other forum where you can debate things with each other, but nothing you're arguing about so far is in any way helpful or constructive. If you wish to badger each other regarding your opinions, take it to pm.

easyeason3

*Honey* wrote: »

If you read the OP's post, she has said that he promised to make up the previous hurt to her (she said he'd cheated on her). To me, a promise like that surely should include acknowledging her birthday? Maybe not to everyone but I know that I'd be upset if a partner of mine didn't make some effort - mostly especially after a promise such as the one he's made. I've no need to "get over" anything - I'm only taking the information she's given to date. We can't make assumptions around what we imagine are the answers to the questions she's already been asked.

So because he didn't read her mind & get her a card it means he didn't acknowledge her birthday?
She has been asked repeatedly to clarify if he said or text her Happy Birthday & rather than answer a very relevant question she chose to ignore it.
Lets also remember that she said she usually doesn't really like cards so having been with him previously I'm sure she mentioned this & shock, horror he might have remembered.

I am geuninely curious if this post is actually about a card or is it that she's pissed off that he isn't acting as sorry as she would like.

And i'l make whatever assumptions I want until the OP answers the questions asked.

*Honey*

We'll have to agree to disagree then.

OP, it'd clarify things if you could answer some of the questions already asked.

Terodil

I can feel with the OP. I personally don't get the card craze either and I can understand why some people on this thread get stuck on it, but I agree with several posters on here that have pointed out that the OP wants to feel a bit special on her b/day at least. The thing is, that does not really need any significant amount of money -- anything little but thoughtful would do. It could be a self-made card with some heart-felt words, it could be a telephone call, a bunch of wildflowers, a poem, etc.

OP, give him a bit of time, maybe he has a surprise for you when you meet again. He might have simply forgotten (it happens). Go from what you learn next time.