What kind of Catholic are you?

Trouser_Press

..

copacetic

so everyone is catholic?

starbelgrade

I was born a Catholic, but after a few pints, decided that "acloholic" was very similar in spelling & a lot more fun.

javaboy

Practised for years but never got the hang of it.

BeerWolf

One that's an atheist

A racy brainrot

Perhaps this be posted in the religion and Spirituality forum?

Trouser_Press

copacetic wrote: »

so everyone is catholic?

Where precisely was that claim made? :rolleyes: The poll is directed at current/former.....Catholics.

copacetic

Trouser_Press wrote: »

Were exactly was that claim made? :rolleyes:

in the poll options, unless you thought this was a catholic only forum

markok84

javaboy wrote: »

Practised for years but never got the hang of it.

The trick is to leave the bottle of coke and the crisps on the floor so you have both hands free.

pisslips

An ultra-darwinist one.

starbelgrade

Trouser_Press wrote: »

Were exactly was that claim made? :rolleyes:

In the Vatican at their last meeting - there were some rumours going around that the Pope was in fact a practising Muslim Facist. The claims were of course, unsubstantiated.

A racy brainrot

Trouser_Press wrote: »

Were exactly was that claim made? :rolleyes:

Obviously!
We all get drunk twenty four seven as well sure

liah

I was at no point in my life a Catholic so I cannot answer this poll...

I actually stopped believing in God well before I stopped believing in Santa..

Trouser_Press

starbelgrade wrote: »

In the Vatican at their last meeting

Jesus! I missed that! So the Vatican is claiming that everyone on Boards.ie is a Catholic? Do they **** in the woods too?

portomar

copacetic wrote: »

so everyone is catholic?

no, but the question being ''what kind of catholic are you'' would suggest to me that poll is aimed at catholics. duh.

starbelgrade

A racy brainrot wrote: »

Obviously!
We all get drunk twenty four seven as well sure

Speak for yourself. I NEVER, ever, ever drink on Wednesdays between the hours of 3 and 4pm.

Trouser_Press

copacetic wrote: »

in the poll options, unless you thought this was a catholic only forum

You're right, I thought this was vaticanboards.ie - my mistake. :rolleyes:

Professey Chin

starbelgrade wrote: »

In the Vatican at their last meeting - there were some rumours going around that the Pope was in fact a practising Muslim Facist. The claims were of course, unsubstantiated.

Of course after that it was then proven that the pope is actually snooker loopy

markok84

Trouser_Press wrote: »

Do they **** in the woods too?

no but I'm pretty sure some of them fiddle with little kiddies.

Trouser_Press

starbelgrade wrote: »

Speak for yourself. I NEVER, ever, ever drink on Wednesdays between the hours of 3 and 4pm.

Fair play, I only make it to 3.23.

starbelgrade

Trouser_Press wrote: »

Fair play, I only make it to 3.23.

Then you are an alcoholic my friend, face up to it - YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

Trouser_Press

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Of course after that it was then proven that the pope is actually snooker loopy

After 96 pints Bill Werbeniuk used to think he was the Pope. So did I.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

You need a "not a catholic" option. It's like the bleedy cencus this only less accurate (if such a thing is possible!)

Trouser_Press

starbelgrade wrote: »

Then you are an alcoholic my friend, face up to it - YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

I know. But it's great craic.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

You need a "not born a catholic" option. It's like the bleedin' census this only less accurate (if such a thing is possible!)

Trouser_Press

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

You need a "not a catholic" option. It's like the bleedy cencus this only less accurate (if such a thing is possible!)

The "bleedy cencus"?

Have you, like Pope Bill Werbeniuk, been drinking?

starbelgrade

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

You need a "not born a catholic" option.

I agree - there should be a "born a pagan heathen" option.

Trouser_Press

Not a single practising Catholic on Boards.ie so far. Hell, I tell you, hell's where you're going.

Trouser_Press

starbelgrade wrote: »

I agree - there should be a "born a pagan heathen" option.

No, no, no: this is a Catholics Only thread - because Catholics R Us. Cough.

Gazza22

A jebus hater

Karl Hungus

Catholicism should be abolished. Torn down like the Berlin wall. Then all will be right with the country.

Trouser_Press

Karl Hungus wrote: »

Catholicism should be abolished. Torn down like the Berlin wall. Then all will be right with the country.

So, are you saying you're not a practising Catholic?

starbelgrade

Karl Hungus wrote: »

Catholicism should be abolished. Torn down like the Berlin wall. Then all will be right with the country.

Catholocism & BZP in one day? Surely that's a step too far.

longshanks

where is the option for well hung catholic?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Trouser_Press wrote: »

The "bleedy cencus"?

Have you, like Pope Bill Werbeniuk, been drinking?

That would be Pope Sicola

Trouser_Press

longshanks wrote: »

where is the option for well hung catholic?

I thought about it, but I'd also have had to include 'Catholic with average sized weener' and 'Catholic with tiny weener'. Too many options, we'd have been here all night. Oh, wait!

deadhead13

The non-believing kind.

pierrot

In the process of officially leaving the church, the details of how to do so are over on the atheism forum.

SoupyNorman

The only time I goto a church is when it leads to the consumption of alcohol, a widely accepted generalisation but it's true for me.


Also, when I do go I think everything that the priest says is the biggest load of bull$hit I've ever heard in my life, I get myself so worked up that I have to restrain myself for roaring out in frustration.


Lamb of God..... L O L

Kiith

A bad one.

Tar.Aldarion

Lol at the most popular one in Ireland having no votes :P

Zillah

For those poor fools professing to believe in the teachings of the Catholic Church, let's just make sure you're positive you know what you're talking about:

The Assumption of Mary:
According to the Catholic Church, Mary never died. Instead, one day she physically flew into the sky and went to heaven. I shit you not.

Transubstantiation:
When the priest blesses the bread and wine they become the body and blood of Christ. It's not a metaphor, it's not symbolic...they mean that it literally turns into the body and blood of Christ. Even though all human senses insist that it's still bread and wine, it has actually changed into the flesh and blood of Jesus.

Papal Infallibility
When the Pope says something about faith or morals the Holy Spirit intervenes and ensures that he does not possess even the possibility of error. He cannot be wrong. Further more the Holy Spirit also makes sure that these teachings flawlessly reach the ears of all Catholics.

Now before anyone accuses me of trolling and making stuff up, please check the links. It would be very reasonable for you to believe that this is some elaborate troll where I satirise the Catholic Church but I don't even need to

So, if you say you accept the teachings of the Catholic Church, you accept all of the above. There's loads more stuff, like sperm being sacred and that's why masturbation and condoms are evil, and gay people having an inherent bias towards evil...but we can get into all that another time.

pierrot

^ Nice point well put.

Luisella

I'm a Micheal-Jackson-style catholic.

Keitel

Karl Hungus wrote: »

Catholicism should be abolished. Torn down like the Berlin wall. Then all will be right with the country.

Then we'd have no day off for Good Friday!

Agonist

I thought the options would be priest, nun, brother, minister of the eucharist or layperson.
Or convicted catholic, out on bail, on remand, under investigation or still getting away with it.

stovelid

I have quite catholic tastes.

Dudess

Trouser_Press wrote: »

You're right, I thought this was vaticanboards.ie - my mistake. :rolleyes:

"What kind of catholic are you?" does of course imply everyone reading Boards.ie is catholic.

Baptised catholic, stopped practising in my mid teens, agnostic only in recent years.

Dave!

Baptised and confirmed, but saw the light when I was about 15/16

Kipperhell

So of the people who say they are practising Catholics and believe the teachings do you really?

Does that mean you believe that the wine and wafer in church actually transforms to human flesh and blood? Or has that belief changed?

I try not to be a hard line on my own views but find it hard to believe that a system of faith that has changed so much about some of it's important beliefs is actually correct now. By design the church sort of claims it is not changing belief but clearly has over time.

Naos

Dudess wrote: »

"What kind of catholic are you?" does of course imply everyone reading Boards.ie is catholic.

Baptised catholic, stopped practising in my mid teens, agnostic only in recent years.

How so?

If there was a poll "What kind of car do you drive?" and I didn't own a car then I simply wouldn't participate in the vote.

The poll itself would imply that everyone who votes drives a car and is clearly there only for car owners.