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Girlfriend hates my best friend

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  • 28-03-2009 3:02pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi
    My girlfriend fell out with my best friend last year,things were fairly **** for a while. I found it hard to see my friend without her losing the head. They sorted out their differences over Christmas, things were fine untill today when i was talking to her and said i was in my friends house and she went mental on the phone saying she's angry over having to sort out her differences with my friend and me not standing up for her. The way it seem's to me is she wants me to to completly drop my friend for her.
    What do i do? We are always having this argument


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    #2
    cowzerp
    Registered Users Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    without knowing the differences then there is not much advise can be given!

    now if she just dislikes him because they dont click then tell her to cop on, she does not have to be friends with him but you are and should continue as long as there is nothing your not mentioning here..

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



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    #3
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    Not meaning to pry - but did something major happen between them? And why is it she wants you to stand up for her (is it to do with what happened I mean).

    Even if I didn't like a partners friend - I'd be relatively civil or at least just keep out of their way. It's a bit unfair of her to flip out at you even seeing them. Hence why I'm curious as to what happened to make her want this friend out of your life.


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    #4
    MonkeyTennis
    Registered Users Posts: 3,098 ✭✭✭MonkeyTennis


    if its a good friend, you'll have him longer than your girlfriend.

    Sounds like theres something you dont know happened.


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    #5
    coco06
    Registered Users Posts: 465 ✭✭coco06


    is ure best friend a guy or a girl?


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    she fell out with his girlfriend over something completly stupid and small, my girlfriend disliked him for ignoring her one night out when she was trying to be nice, she has the problem with him, he has no problems with her at all. She never really liked him. She has fallen out with all my friends at one stage or another and im starting to lose the head over it. There's no way im dropping my friends for anyone, it takes to long to find good friends


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    #7
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    How long has they been your best friend, and how long have you been with your girlfriend?

    I'm wondering why you have to be the one to solve the problem. Your girlfriend is the one with the problem, let her solve it. By the way, do you even know what the problem is?


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    the_syco wrote: »
    How long has they been your best friend, and how long have you been with your girlfriend?

    I'm wondering why you have to be the one to solve the problem. Your girlfriend is the one with the problem, let her solve it. By the way, do you even know what the problem is?

    Over 15 years and over 3 years with the girlfriend.
    She's alway's disliked him, i never knew exactly why, ill have to talk to her about it tomorow when i see her. Im far from happy with this situation


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    #9
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    My ex was a bit funny about some of my longtime friends. At the beginning she met up with them and got on ok, but over the course of a few years there was always excuses about not wanting to go out with them, not liking them or for me to see them and I inadvertently found myself drifting away from my friends. Looking back now, and thinking about things she did/said, she obviously had it in for them from day one and I was too blind to see it. Luckily after we broke up things got back to normal with my friends and my current g/f is much more friendly with them.

    Don't let anyone dictate who your friends are - put your foot down and tell her she can like it or lump it. Unless your friend has done something seriously bad - like trying to score her or the like - then she's out of order and needs to ease off.


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    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ManOfMystery wrote: »
    My ex was a bit funny about some of my longtime friends. At the beginning she met up with them and got on ok, but over the course of a few years there was always excuses about not wanting to go out with them, not liking them or for me to see them and I inadvertently found myself drifting away from my friends. Looking back now, and thinking about things she did/said, she obviously had it in for them from day one and I was too blind to see it. Luckily after we broke up things got back to normal with my friends and my current g/f is much more friendly with them.

    Don't let anyone dictate who your friends are - put your foot down and tell her she can like it or lump it. Unless your friend has done something seriously bad - like trying to score her or the like - then she's out of order and needs to ease off.

    thanks alot for the help, that all sounds so familure.
    ill just have to chat to her about it


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    #11
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Girlfriends come and go but best friends are very hard to come by and should be treasured.

    Ive never had to make the decision(thank god) but if it came to my best mate and a woman,Im sorry but best mate will likely win out every time.


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    #12
    t-ha
    Registered Users Posts: 1,479 ✭✭✭t-ha


    Bro's before ho's


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    #13
    Svalbard
    Registered Users Posts: 504 ✭✭✭Svalbard


    IME, insecure, needy girls will try to isolate you from your friends.

    They want one of those relationships where its just the two of you, all the time and you do everything together. It might seem great in the short term to be needed, but eventually its soul destroying.

    Not sure if this really applies to the OP, he doesn't mention if the gf has problems with other friends.

    Talk to her about it for sure.

    Thing is, you've been together 3 years now. Hate to say it, but if it was a problem early on, it should have been nipped in the bud.


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    #14
    994
    Closed Accounts Posts: 911 ✭✭✭994


    Svalbard wrote: »
    IME, insecure, needy girls will try to isolate you from your friends.
    Not just the insecure and needy; isolating someone from friends is one of the first signs of an abusive relationship.


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    #15
    Overheal
    Registered Users Posts: 81,739 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    t-ha wrote: »
    Bro's before ho's
    Stole my post tbh.

    If you like or love her enough to drop all of your friends at the drop of the hat, then carry on. Otherwise draw the line. If she still can't tolerate you being with your best friends, then let her go - you can always find someone else that likes you and your life.


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    #16
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Unregistered wrote: »
    she fell out with his girlfriend over something completly stupid and small, my girlfriend disliked him for ignoring her one night out when she was trying to be nice, she has the problem with him, he has no problems with her at all. She never really liked him. She has fallen out with all my friends at one stage or another and im starting to lose the head over it. There's no way im dropping my friends for anyone, it takes to long to find good friends

    If it was just one friend, that I could understand.
    But ALL of them at one time or another, I don't think so.

    Sorry but she's waaaaaay too much work and childish in the extreme.
    None of us are going to love all of our partners friends, that doesn't mean we fall out with them over it and any adult worth their salt will find a way to work around it without making them choose.

    She needs to be told to back off. If I didn't know better I'd think she was jealous of them and is childishly insisting you choose between her or them to prove who you care about the most.

    You have allowed her to behave like this for 3 years, it should have been nipped in the bud from the start.
    Talk to her, tell her straight and see what she has to say for herself.


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    #17
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    t-ha wrote: »
    Bro's before ho's

    Not to put too fine a point on it, but it does apply in your situation.

    She sounds very childish. There's one or two of my OH's friends who I wouldn't be bosom buddies with (mainly because any time I've ever met them they've been locked and annoying) but I'd always be nice to them, civil at the very least. You need to sit down and have a serious chat with her and tell her to cop on. Your friend has done nothing to her, and she certainly shouldn't be trying to stop you from seeing people.


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    #18
    The Sweeper
    Registered Users Posts: 10,658 ✭✭✭✭The Sweeper


    Unregistered wrote: »
    she fell out with his girlfriend over something completly stupid and small

    Okay, so that's your missus falling out with your best friend's missus. That's between them, they need to sort that out.
    Unregistered wrote: »
    my girlfriend disliked him for ignoring her one night out when she was trying to be nice

    Are you saying your girlfriend was trying to be nice to your friend on a night out, and he blanked her or ignored her efforts?
    Unregistered wrote: »
    she has the problem with him, he has no problems with her at all.

    Well obviously he does have a problem with her if he's ignoring her when she's trying to be nice.
    Unregistered wrote: »
    She has fallen out with all my friends at one stage or another and im starting to lose the head over it. There's no way im dropping my friends for anyone, it takes to long to find good friends

    That last part is fair enough, but unless your missus is a loopy bunny boiler, it takes two to tango. If she was a nutter who hated all of your friends and tried to stop you seeing them, it would be pretty obvious, even from the head-in-sand position of being in love in the relationship.

    If it's not like that, then look a little deeper into how your friends are behaving to your girlfriend - and if she's fallen out with all of your friends at one time or another, has she then made up with them? Is she getting on with them now? Or is it a case that she ticks each one off the list as she fights with them, and they never speak again?


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    #19
    pisslips
    Closed Accounts Posts: 833 ✭✭✭pisslips


    Sure even if she doesn't like him thats her problem, she doesn't have to see him. It's non of her buissness if you hang out with him, even if he insulted her or something.

    I know you're supposed to share your lives and **** but you surely have your own free time aswell, that she really shouldn't have any input in.


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    #20
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    I would be inclined to stick with my friends.

    Sounds like she has insecurities about you- being out without you.

    I could tell you to run like fück, or I could tell you to talk to her. You have a better feel of the problem than we do.

    Can you explain morde OP? :\


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    #21
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Unregistered wrote: »
    she fell out with his girlfriend over something completly stupid and small, my girlfriend disliked him for ignoring her one night out when she was trying to be nice,

    what age is she - i have a 15 yo daughter who does this with friends so its up there on the maturity stakes.
    she has the problem with him, he has no problems with her at all. She never really liked him. She has fallen out with all my friends at one stage or another and im starting to lose the head over it.

    I dont blame you on this. She is being a bit of a drama queen. I have been dating a girl 5 and a half months and we have seperate lives away from our relationship.


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    #22
    NickNolte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    She has fallen out with all my friends at one stage or another

    Two of my oldest friends are now married to women like this. As much as it pains us, the lads are almost completely out of our social circle now. As I say with every relationship, if you have to deal with this crap, it's easier to just leave her and find someone else. Someone more mature. Relationships are always hard work but having to deal with irrational idiocy, immaturity or bitchyness should never be part of any relationship.


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    #23
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    NickNolte wrote: »
    Someone more mature. Relationships are always hard work but having to deal with irrational idiocy, immaturity or bitchyness should never be part of any relationship.

    I couldnt deal with that now -I would just blow my stack.


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    #24
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    my girlfriend disliked him for ignoring her one night out when she was trying to be nice,

    Maybe you are used to him, and he has developed some antisocial habits, and she sees them for what they are, and in actual fact has good reason to dislike him.

    I blame the friend and his ignoring her.


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    #25
    NickNolte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Maybe you are used to him, and he has developed some antisocial habits, and she sees them for what they are, and in actual fact has good reason to dislike him.

    I blame the friend and his ignoring her.

    Maybe so. Although I don't think it's any coincidence that she's fallen out with all of his friends at one stage or another.


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    #26
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Maybe you are used to him, and he has developed some antisocial habits, and she sees them for what they are, and in actual fact has good reason to dislike him.

    I blame the friend and his ignoring her.

    I would hardly think so. Men and women have different interests etc.

    The OP hasn't posted any reason other than something like her being ignored or something by the friends girlfriend about an unrelated matter. So b/f has to fix all that -the young lady needs to grow up.


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    #27
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OK everyone will prob disagree with me on this but I think the only answer here is to talk to her. Why is it bothering her so much. Talk to her without an argument. Tell her you want to understand where she is coming from with this.

    I am with my husband since forever. We got together when we were about 12! No joke.

    I have "fallen out" with many of his friends over the years. I don't want to sound big headded but most of them tried to score me over the first 5 - 6 years I was with him (behind his back obviously). This drove me nuts. He was telling me what good friends he had and how they had a gerat laugh on the lads nights out and that they were always there for him when he needed them...........................................yeah right - trying to score his gf!

    Anyway I didn't tell him about the first couple as I didn't want to be seen as the girl who broke caused problems among friends but I started making excuses so I didn't have to go out with them. This started to cause arguments between me and my bf. The next time one of them did it I waited until the day after and told my bf about it and all the others - needless to say he realised who his real friends were.

    I have not stopped him going out with some of these lads as we were all young at the time and these things happen but when I am out with them he will make sure i am confortable and if I say I want to leave or I don't want to go out with them but he can he is happy enough with it as he knows where I am coming from.

    Sorry for the long post - I just thought it might be of some help


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    #28
    Blue_Wolf
    Registered Users Posts: 861 ✭✭✭Blue_Wolf


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Hi
    My girlfriend fell out with my best friend last year,things were fairly **** for a while. I found it hard to see my friend without her losing the head. They sorted out their differences over Christmas, things were fine untill today when i was talking to her and said i was in my friends house and she went mental on the phone saying she's angry over having to sort out her differences with my friend and me not standing up for her. The way it seem's to me is she wants me to to completly drop my friend for her.
    What do i do? We are always having this argument

    SIMPLE, you stand up for who you think is right, not for who gives you the most. If my girlfriend did something bad and there was a fall out between her and a mate of mine. Ill stand up for my mate, no question. If my mate did something wrong and fell out with the girlfriend than I will stand up for herself.

    I hate when I see lads standing up for their missus because oh if they dont they wont get any action that night. Pussys!! You find out who your true friends are when they choose a bird over them when the its obvious the bird is wrong!
    2 ways to lose a friend, money and women. They are both evil :pac:


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    #29
    NickNolte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    Unregistered wrote: »
    OK everyone will prob disagree with me on this but I think the only answer here is to talk to her. Why is it bothering her so much. Talk to her without an argument. Tell her you want to understand where she is coming from with this.

    I am with my husband since forever. We got together when we were about 12! No joke.

    I have "fallen out" with many of his friends over the years. I don't want to sound big headded but most of them tried to score me over the first 5 - 6 years I was with him (behind his back obviously). This drove me nuts. He was telling me what good friends he had and how they had a gerat laugh on the lads nights out and that they were always there for him when he needed them...........................................yeah right - trying to score his gf!

    Anyway I didn't tell him about the first couple as I didn't want to be seen as the girl who broke caused problems among friends but I started making excuses so I didn't have to go out with them. This started to cause arguments between me and my bf. The next time one of them did it I waited until the day after and told my bf about it and all the others - needless to say he realised who his real friends were.

    I have not stopped him going out with some of these lads as we were all young at the time and these things happen but when I am out with them he will make sure i am confortable and if I say I want to leave or I don't want to go out with them but he can he is happy enough with it as he knows where I am coming from.

    Sorry for the long post - I just thought it might be of some help

    What? So "many of his friends" tried to score you? Was this a majority of them? Excuse me if I'm highly suspect of your claim but I don't know any groups of male friends where "many" of them would try and score their mate's girlfriend. When you're younger there's always a rat (or even a couple of rats) in the pack... but "many" of his friends tried to score you? I don't buy it, sorry.

    There's a strange undertone from, coincidentally, unregistered users that no matter what the issue is here, the woman in this relationship isn't to blame. It must be something else. Sorry folks but this isn't a gender war. I've seen this issue far too often to know that 9 times out of 10 the girlfriend is trying to be controlling and assert her authority over her partner. Believe me - I have had a few friends in the same position as the OP over the years and I can assure you that we weren't trying to score their g/f's!

    As the last poster says, there's probably no problem in having a chat with her. Get it out in the open and ask her for a reasonable excuse as to what the problem is. Right, so one of your friends was rude to her. What about all the rest that she's fallen out with? Get an explanation. Failing that, leave her. She's probably not mature enough to be in a relationship anyway.


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    #30
    Blue_Wolf
    Registered Users Posts: 861 ✭✭✭Blue_Wolf


    I don't think she was really asking you to believe her, and she probably doesn't care if you do or don't and it's not really up to you whether it's true or not. If she said it happened than who are we to say it didn't? We don't know her.
    NickNolte wrote: »
    What? So "many of his friends" tried to score you? Was this a majority of them? Excuse me if I'm highly suspect of your claim but I don't know any groups of male friends where "many" of them would try and score their mate's girlfriend. When you're younger there's always a rat (or even a couple of rats) in the pack... but "many" of his friends tried to score you? I don't buy it, sorry..


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    #31
    NickNolte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    Blue_Wolf wrote: »
    I don't think she was really asking you to believe her, and she probably doesn't care if you do or don't and it's not really up to you whether it's true or not. If she said it happened than who are we to say it didn't? We don't know her.

    I know. I'm just saying 1) I don't believe her and 2) it's irrelevant to the OP's problem anyway.


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