Strange situation - boyfriend

LegacyUser

This is a weird one, and I expect a lot of criticism. Can't talk to my friends about this so I'm posting here. Basically, the OH and I are in separate countries at the minute so it's long distance for the time being. No chance of me visiting for at least 7 or 8 months. Obviously it's hard without seeing each other and having no sexual contact. After 3-4 months we came to an 'agreement' that we could be with other people. No emotional affairs, but just a snog, or a one night stand if we felt the need. I'm not really into casual sex, I've kissed a couple of guys on nights out but it never went further than a quick grope. The BF has had a good bit of casual sex and a high sex drive, so I knew he'd do more.

A female friend of his (I know her as well) lives near where he's living and he asked me how I'd feel about him hooking up with her. I know he's been with her before, and never wanted anything serious, as she's quite annoying and high maintenance. I told him to go ahead, once he let me know what happened. He rang me a couple of months ago to tell me he'd been with her the night before - they went out for drinks, she came back to his, they kissed, they gave each other oral, she left. Surprisingly I wasn't jealous and told him it was fine to hook up with her again, as I knew it didn't mean anything. It even turned me on a bit to be honest. Nothing happened for a while, and then last week he was out with colleagues and ended up going home with a friend of a friend who was visiting from Canada. He said they went back to her hotel where they made out which led to her giving him head and then sex (with a condom!) He had no problem telling me she was hot - blonde hair, big boobs, very horny, and that the sex was good. No further interest in her beyond that. He asked if I was still OK with this, and I said yes. Even encouraged him to get some head from the female friend (the annoying girl) next time he was in the mood. Is it weird that I'm not bothered about it? I like that he's having fun and getting satisfied, once it doesn't go any further. Am I mad?

Salome

I don't understand what the issue is - you have an open relationship. End of.

Nevyn

If you are both ok with it and you have your set rules which you both agree to
and are abiding by then I don't think it strange.

Yes open relationships are unusual to a lot of people but I don't consider them strange.

LegacyUser

Well if you have no problem with it then there is no problem. I couldnt do it, not even a kiss but sure everyone is different. I know I could go 8 months without sexual contact if I really liked someone and this is coming from a guy.

Joey the lips

I agree your relationship is open so what the hell. But just be sure you are being honest with yourself ie that you really dont mind the thought of him getting head and then you having to play with the same tool all the while thinking is he compareing

But yes if you are ok with it why the hell not,

Locamon

Open is open...

My only negative comment is I have never had any issues with an open relationship if things were not too serious but had if it was...but that's just my personal view.

Salome

Or maybe you're not as happy with it as you think - he's the one having all the sex, you're just snogging. If you were as open to it, maybe you'd be as active as him?

I wonder why you're asking the question, tbh.

lconmara

i wonder if you are really okay with it, or if you want to be okay with it because that way you don't get let down.

open relationships work for some people. however i have never heard of one where it is discussed.

you should really think about the reasons why he told you, why you asked and why it doesn't appear to be bothering you.

LegacyUser

As I said, I'm not really into one night stands and casual sex. It's not that I don't like the idea or that I mind my BF doing it, but don't particularly want to do it myself. If I do get the urge, it's fine with the BF.

When we agreed we could be with other people, we also agreed we'd tell each other everything. I just feel more comfortable knowing than not knowing. And also I sort of like the idea of him with other girls, it's quite hot thinking about all the stuff he gets up to..

Salome

Then you're in a win-win situation.

Redpunto

strangesitch wrote: »

This is a weird one, and I expect a lot of criticism. Can't talk to my friends about this so I'm posting here. Basically, the OH and I are in separate countries at the minute so it's long distance for the time being. No chance of me visiting for at least 7 or 8 months. Obviously it's hard without seeing each other and having no sexual contact. After 3-4 months we came to an 'agreement' that we could be with other people. No emotional affairs, but just a snog, or a one night stand if we felt the need. I'm not really into casual sex, I've kissed a couple of guys on nights out but it never went further than a quick grope. The BF has had a good bit of casual sex and a high sex drive, so I knew he'd do more.

A female friend of his (I know her as well) lives near where he's living and he asked me how I'd feel about him hooking up with her. I know he's been with her before, and never wanted anything serious, as she's quite annoying and high maintenance. I told him to go ahead, once he let me know what happened. He rang me a couple of months ago to tell me he'd been with her the night before - they went out for drinks, she came back to his, they kissed, they gave each other oral, she left. Surprisingly I wasn't jealous and told him it was fine to hook up with her again, as I knew it didn't mean anything. It even turned me on a bit to be honest. Nothing happened for a while, and then last week he was out with colleagues and ended up going home with a friend of a friend who was visiting from Canada. He said they went back to her hotel where they made out which led to her giving him head and then sex (with a condom!) He had no problem telling me she was hot - blonde hair, big boobs, very horny, and that the sex was good. No further interest in her beyond that. He asked if I was still OK with this, and I said yes. Even encouraged him to get some head from the female friend (the annoying girl) next time he was in the mood. Is it weird that I'm not bothered about it? I like that he's having fun and getting satisfied, once it doesn't go any further. Am I mad?

This is not a relationship - how can you call this person your OH. WHy dont you both go your seperate ways and once he gets back into the country see what happens but from an outsider looking in, this "relationship" sounds like a farce, if you both cared for eachother the way you would expect to in a relationship then you wouldnt be flirting, snogging, whatever with other people.

Locamon

Redpunto wrote: »

This is not a relationship - how can you call this person your OH. WHy dont you both go your seperate ways and once he gets back into the country see what happens but from an outsider looking in, this "relationship" sounds like a farce, if you both cared for eachother the way you would expect to in a relationship then you wouldnt be flirting, snogging, whatever with other people.

Don't agree with ya takes all sorts and a 'relationship' is when you relate to someone else -sounds like they do to me only enjoyment wise it is more for him at the moment! Not sure if there is much more life in this discussion...he likes it, OP likes it but isn't sure why, seems to be it.
If you enjoy it OP keep with it...once you're happy:)

prinz

strangesitch wrote: »

This is a weird one, and I expect a lot of criticism. Can't talk to my friends about this so I'm posting here. Basically, the OH and I are in separate countries at the minute so it's long distance for the time being. No chance of me visiting for at least 7 or 8 months. Obviously it's hard without seeing each other and having no sexual contact. After 3-4 months we came to an 'agreement' that we could be with other people. No emotional affairs, but just a snog, or a one night stand if we felt the need. I'm not really into casual sex, I've kissed a couple of guys on nights out but it never went further than a quick grope. The BF has had a good bit of casual sex and a high sex drive, so I knew he'd do more.

A female friend of his (I know her as well) lives near where he's living and he asked me how I'd feel about him hooking up with her. I know he's been with her before, and never wanted anything serious, as she's quite annoying and high maintenance. I told him to go ahead, once he let me know what happened. He rang me a couple of months ago to tell me he'd been with her the night before - they went out for drinks, she came back to his, they kissed, they gave each other oral, she left. Surprisingly I wasn't jealous and told him it was fine to hook up with her again, as I knew it didn't mean anything. It even turned me on a bit to be honest. Nothing happened for a while, and then last week he was out with colleagues and ended up going home with a friend of a friend who was visiting from Canada. He said they went back to her hotel where they made out which led to her giving him head and then sex (with a condom!) He had no problem telling me she was hot - blonde hair, big boobs, very horny, and that the sex was good. No further interest in her beyond that. He asked if I was still OK with this, and I said yes. Even encouraged him to get some head from the female friend (the annoying girl) next time he was in the mood. Is it weird that I'm not bothered about it? I like that he's having fun and getting satisfied, once it doesn't go any further. Am I mad?

Yup good one. You really have your head screwed on love. You give him the go ahead to do whatever he wants sexually. Calling it a relationship
is ridiculous. Think about this, if he was in this country would you be happy for him to be doing the same? Or when you are together do you expect he will just go back to seeing you exclusively? If you do you're deluding yourself. I am in a long distance relationship myself, and the thought would never cross my mind. How much of a feeble minded git is he that he can't control himself? Does he have no will power whatsoever? Another case of an immature boy who cant step up to the plate

AARRRGH

strangesitch wrote: »

Is it weird that I'm not bothered about it? I like that he's having fun and getting satisfied, once it doesn't go any further. Am I mad?

No.

The problem is we're brought up to believe we should be like everyone else, when in fact we're all totally different.

Some people are prudes, some are horn dogs, and others are somewhere in the middle.

You just happen to be able to seperate sex from your emotions. Don't worry about it, and don't listen to people who say you don't have a relationship.

prinz

strangesitch wrote: »

This is a weird one, and I expect a lot of criticism. Can't talk to my friends about this so I'm posting here. Basically, the OH and I are in separate countries at the minute so it's long distance for the time being. No chance of me visiting for at least 7 or 8 months. Obviously it's hard without seeing each other and having no sexual contact. After 3-4 months we came to an 'agreement' that we could be with other people. No emotional affairs, but just a snog, or a one night stand if we felt the need. I'm not really into casual sex, I've kissed a couple of guys on nights out but it never went further than a quick grope. The BF has had a good bit of casual sex and a high sex drive, so I knew he'd do more.

A female friend of his (I know her as well) lives near where he's living and he asked me how I'd feel about him hooking up with her. I know he's been with her before, and never wanted anything serious, as she's quite annoying and high maintenance. I told him to go ahead, once he let me know what happened. He rang me a couple of months ago to tell me he'd been with her the night before - they went out for drinks, she came back to his, they kissed, they gave each other oral, she left. Surprisingly I wasn't jealous and told him it was fine to hook up with her again, as I knew it didn't mean anything. It even turned me on a bit to be honest. Nothing happened for a while, and then last week he was out with colleagues and ended up going home with a friend of a friend who was visiting from Canada. He said they went back to her hotel where they made out which led to her giving him head and then sex (with a condom!) He had no problem telling me she was hot - blonde hair, big boobs, very horny, and that the sex was good. No further interest in her beyond that. He asked if I was still OK with this, and I said yes. Even encouraged him to get some head from the female friend (the annoying girl) next time he was in the mood. Is it weird that I'm not bothered about it? I like that he's having fun and getting satisfied, once it doesn't go any further. Am I mad?

Yup good one. You really have your head screwed on love. You give him the go ahead to do whatever he wants sexually. Calling it a relationship
is ridiculous. Think about this, if he was in this country would you be happy for him to be doing the same? Or when you are together do you expect he will just go back to seeing you exclusively? If you do you're deluding yourself. I am in a long distance relationship myself, and the thought would never cross my mind. How much of a feeble minded git is he that he can't control himself? Does he have no will power whatsoever? Another case of an immature boy who cant step up to the plate

AARRRGH

prinz wrote: »

Yup good one. You really have your head screwed on love. You give him the go ahead to do whatever he wants sexually. Calling it a relationship
is ridiculous. Think about this, if he was in this country would you be happy for him to be doing the same? Or when you are together do you expect he will just go back to seeing you exclusively? If you do you're deluding yourself. I am in a long distance relationship myself, and the thought would never cross my mind. How much of a feeble minded git is he that he can't control himself? Does he have no will power whatsoever? Another case of an immature boy who cant step up to the plate

Did you even read her post?

prinz

AARRRGH wrote: »

Did you even read her post?

Yes I did ta. What's your point, or are you just interested in my reading habits?

AARRRGH

prinz wrote: »

Yes I did ta. What's your point, or are you just interested in my reading habits?

If you read her post you will see they both came to an agreement that they want to see other people.

I understand from your other posts that you have very "traditional" views on things, but within their relationship they agreed to do some things which they are both happy with.

Just because you would never dream of having an open relationship doesn't mean open relationships are invalid.

Btw, I am not into open relationships either.

Lucy Lu

Can we get back on topic here please, every one is allowed to have their own opinion.


Lucy.

prinz

AARRRGH wrote: »

If you read her post you will see they both came to an agreement that they want to see other people.

I understand from your other posts that you have very "traditional" views on things, but within their relationship they agreed to do some things which they are both happy with.

Actually reading the OPs post, I got the impression that this was something that he was a lot more happy with, than her ( (A) she doesnt feel right sleeping with other people and (b) she's posting here seeking validation herself ). As far as I'm concerned that's not a romantic relationship. That's a friendship. And further, I was inquiring as to whether the OP would be as happy with the situation were they in the same country... distance doesn't matter. I for one don't think she would be ok with it, from the way she phrases things. Reading her post again, I get the distinct impression that this was something he wanted and she's going along with. That's unhealthy. I was merely informing her that once he gets into the habit of sleeping around on her, he is unlikely to change back to a monogamous relationship.

There's a lot to be said for being traditional. I have never had an issue to post on boards for one.

AARRRGH

prinz wrote: »

Actually reading the OPs post, I got the impression that this was something that he was a lot more happy with, than her ( (A) she doesnt feel right sleeping with other people and (b) she's posting here seeking validation herself ).

The impression I get is he is a more sexual person than her, but at no point does the OP imply she is unhappy with their arrangement. In fact, she is posting looking for assurance she is not "mad" because she is so fine and dandy with it.

She has also taken advantage of their arrangement, and at no point has she mentioned it is damaging her relationship.

I understand your relationships are different and you have difficulty accepting her relationship might be as strong or complete as yours, but everyone is different. What works for you won't work for other people, just like what works for others won't work for you.

So, if they are both happy with their arrangement, and it does not appear to affect their relationship, than she should continue doing what she is happy doing.

Nevyn

"traditional" doesn't work for everyone and it is a relationship and no one on this forum
has the right to tell someone they are not in a relationship due that relationship not
being the same as thier own.

Nevyn

"traditional" doesn't work for everyone and it is a relationship and no one on this forum
has the right to tell someone they are not in a relationship due that relationship not
being the same as thier own.

prinz

Look I couldn't care less what type of a "relationship" people have. She came here looking for opinions and views. Yes, I have a more traditional view on a lot of things however I was pointing out that she is in a mine-field if she thinks that this "relationship" will actually ever develop into anything more than f*ck-buddies/FWB. I give my opinion that I don't think their situation is a healthy one ( mental or physical ). And using the excuse of a high sex drive is akin to the Nazis "following orders", we evolved from monkeys so why do people want to regress to that state in the name of modernism? Of course everyone has urges, urge to have sex, urge to kill whatever. It's our ability to control our animal instincts that make us what we are. The OP is agreeing to this set-up because their "relationship" is long distance, and the poor little mite can't keep a lid on things sexually.However I feel it quite important that she think about what future she sees - if any, because they've opened pandora's box. If she wouldnt be happy for him to be doing it if they were not in a LDR, then is it suddenly going to stop when the distance is no longer an issue?

lolli

Not something I would be into to be honest Op. I would feel sick knowing that my boyfriend is sleeping with other girls and he would feel the same. Perhaps i'm an old fashioned girl but each to their own. I just hope it doesnt end in tears. If him and the "annoying girl" are going to be getting it on fairly regularly i'd be worried that she would become more of a girlfriend to him than you are.

AARRRGH

prinz wrote: »

I was pointing out that she is in a mine-field if she thinks that this "relationship" will actually ever develop into anything more than f*ck-buddies/FWB.

No, you are saying it would never work for you.

You have to grasp that she has a different opinion as to what a relationship is, so what would not work for you may very well work perfectly for her.

You are projecting your own opinion onto her.

I also don't think I would be happy with an open relationship, but I am able to remove my personal viewpoint and accept she is different than me.

prinz wrote: »

The OP is agreeing to this set-up because their "relationship" is long distance, and the poor little mite can't keep a lid on things sexually.

If you read her post you will see she does not have any problem with it. She agreed to their arrangement (she might have even suggested it!). You are completely misunderstanding her post. She is happy with their arrangement.

Seriously, read her post again and stop assuming she has the same opinion and values as you.

prinz

AARRRGH wrote: »

No, you are saying it would never work for you.

You have to grasp that she has a different opinion as to what a relationship is, so what would not work for you may very well work perfectly for her.

You are projecting your own opinion onto her.

I also don't think I would be happy with an open relationship, but I am able to remove my personal viewpoint and accept she is different than me.




If you read her post you will see she does not have any problem with it. She agreed to their arrangement (she might have even suggested it!). You are completely misunderstanding her post. She is happy with their arrangement.

Seriously, read her post again and stop assuming she has the same opinion and values as you.

Huh, again I pointed out it wouldn't be for me, I didn't assume anything of the sort. Maybe it works for her great, I was giving MY OPINION. You're boring me and going way off topic. Once again I repeat I COULDN'T CARE LESS what she gets up to. However I would hope she has thought it through to the end. Having read her post another time I stand by my comments. (a) I dont see the need for this 'arrangement'
(b) I hope she's fully aware of the ramifications (c) I cant see any worthwhile future in such circumstances and (d) i think it plainly obvious she has self-confidence issues, and she should have more self-respect and respect for her OH.

AARRRGH

prinz wrote: »

Huh, again I pointed out it wouldn't be for me, I didn't assume anything of the sort. Maybe it works for her great, I was giving MY OPINION. You're boring me and going way off topic. Once again I repeat I COULDN'T CARE LESS what she gets up to. However I would hope she has thought it through to the end. Having read her post another time I stand by my comments. (a) I dont see the need for this 'arrangement'
(b) I hope she's fully aware of the ramifications (c) I cant see any worthwhile future in such circumstances and (d) i think it plainly obvious she has self-confidence issues, and she should have more self-respect and respect for her OH.

Well you've toned down your opinion now. And I don't see how you're coming to the conclusion that she has self-confidence issues, and is lacking self-respect and respect for her partner. I guess I just don't connect sex with negative emotions.

Anyway, enough of this.

OP: If you are happy with your arrangement, just go with the flow.

Ironé

I think you need to ask yourself a few questions:

• Where do you see this relationship going?
• What will happen when he comes back?
• Will you be able to trust him?
• Do you think he respects you as an equal in this relationship?

Once this line has been crossed it's going to be very difficult to go back to a monogamous relationship. It might all seem fine now but will it be ok in the future.

There is nothing wrong with this if you are comfortable and it feels right for you. The only thing I would say is that you will have to be very strong and very confident in yourself. Only you know.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

The things that strikes me as really odd is that you aren't even in the least bit jealous that your boyfriend is having sex with other women If my girlfriend even kissed another guy, I would hit the roof!

AARRRGH

Bryn wrote: »

The things that strikes me as really odd is that you aren't even in the least bit jealous that your boyfriend is having sex with other women If my girlfriend even kissed another guy, I would hit the roof!

Everyone is different when it comes to sex. The OP actually gets turned on by her boyfriend being with other women:

strangesitch wrote: »

It even turned me on a bit to be honest.

strangesitch wrote: »

also I sort of like the idea of him with other girls, it's quite hot thinking about all the stuff he gets up to..

The only problem I can see is the OP is letting "what she's supposed to do" influence what she wants to do.

I reckon she should just live her life the way she wants to live it and trust her feelings.

clonmel

Ironé wrote: »

here is nothing wrong with this if you are comfortable and it feels right for you. The only thing I would say is that you will have to be very strong and very confident in yourself. Only you know.

I agree.If you you can stand this situation no worries.
Honestly I can't undestand this kind of relationship for myself.
I wouldn't listen my boyfriend telling about was sex with someonelse.
I simply couldn't face it..thinking about him with someone else....it would be drive me crazy.

Ironé wrote: »

I think you need to ask yourself a few questions:

• Where do you see this relationship going?
• What will happen when he comes back?
• Will you be able to trust him?
• Do you think he respects you as an equal in this relationship?

Exactly.
The point is: do you really think you love him?? does he really loves you??If yes, why didn't you think to move or why didn't he as well??

prinz

Ironé wrote: »

I think you need to ask yourself a few questions:

• Where do you see this relationship going?
• What will happen when he comes back?
• Will you be able to trust him?
• Do you think he respects you as an equal in this relationship?

Once this line has been crossed it's going to be very difficult to go back to a monogamous relationship. It might all seem fine now but will it be ok in the future.

There is nothing wrong with this if you are comfortable and it feels right for you. The only thing I would say is that you will have to be very strong and very confident in yourself. Only you know.

This sums up everything i said in my posts. If she sees a proper relationship with this guy in the future what they have now isnt the basis to build on. tbh i would say she has self-confidence and self-respect issues because for some reason she doesn't see herself as worth going without sex for 8 months for. Frankly this 'thing' they have going on is centred around immediate gratification for both parties. Hardly a healthy relationship.

AARRRGH

prinz wrote: »

If she sees a proper relationship with this guy in the future what they have now isnt the basis to build on.

Don't you mean "I personally could not build a relationship based on something like this"?

Everything she has posted so far suggests their relationship is handling it fine.

prinz wrote: »

tbh i would say she has self-confidence and self-respect issues because for some reason she doesn't see herself as worth going without sex for 8 months for.

Seriously, you need to read her post. And read it again.

They both decided to have an open relationship because they were finding it difficult to live their lives without sexual interaction. At no point does the OP say anything close to what you're suggesting.

prinz wrote: »

Frankly this 'thing' they have going on is centred around immediate gratification for both parties. Hardly a healthy relationship.

Hardly a healthy relationship for you.

Not everyone thinks like you.

Not everyone lives their life like you.

Not everyone has a relationship like you.

Seriously, think about the concept of people being different and there being more than one way to have a relationship.

If I were the OP I've be very insulted by your judgemental posts.

Nevyn

prinz I suggest you back away from this thread, your posts are not helpful.

prinz

AARRRGH wrote: »

Don't you mean "I personally could not build a relationship based on something like this"?

Everything she has posted so far suggests their relationship is handling it fine.




Seriously, you need to read her post. And read it again.

They both decided to have an open relationship because they were finding it difficult to live their lives without sexual interaction. At no point does the OP say anything close to what you're suggesting.




Hardly a healthy relationship for you.

Not everyone thinks like you.

Not everyone lives their life like you.

Not everyone has a relationship like you.

Seriously, think about the concept of people being different and there being more than one way to have a relationship.

If I were the OP I've be very insulted by your judgemental posts.

Whatever.. seriously, there is no arguing with stupidity. If it was such a great relationship she wouldnt be posting on here. This isn't about me, or my relationship. In my OPINION it is unhealthy. Just because something works doesn't make it right or good for them.

prinz

Thaedydal wrote: »

prinz I suggest you back away from this thread, your posts are not helpful.

Excuse me? Why aren't they? The only helpful advice is now telling her to fire ahead is it? The OP was looking for people's thoughts, I gave mine...

Ban me or whatever.I'm not here to defend myself.A number of other posters have said exactly the same things I have, are they now too unhelpful?

Beruthiel

prinz wrote: »

Excuse me? Why aren't they?

Simply put you are projecting what 'you think' is a relationship.
Considering the human species is both wide and varied, what you or I consider a relationship to be is not necessarily what someone else does.
Different strokes for different folks.

You've given your opinion, said your piece, now leave it at that thanks.

AARRRGH

prinz wrote: »

Whatever.. seriously, there is no arguing with stupidity.

You are the one who has misinterpreted her post.

prinz wrote: »

The OP was looking for people's thoughts, I gave mine...

But in the process you have attacked her way of life, and are claiming she doesn't respect herself, her boyfriend, and has self-esteem issues. You are not being fair on the girl.

I am happy to continue this by PM. I don't want to ruin this topic.

Scorpio Girl

op. the one thing i would say is that things are fine now cos you haven't seen your o/h but when you do and when you and him are having sex will things be ok then or will you be thinking about the other girls he's been with.

if you think that things will be ok then well keep going the way you are.

prinz

AARRRGH wrote: »

You are the one who has misinterpreted her post.




But in the process you have attacked her way of life, and are claiming she doesn't respect herself, her boyfriend, and has self-esteem issues. You are not being fair on the girl.

I am happy to continue this by PM. I don't want to ruin this topic.

I didn't misinterpret anything. It's my opinion, she's free to disregard it completely if she wishes. No harm done.

That said anyone who thinks one partner here, the other partner on the other side of the world sleeping around, and then they both get their jolies talking about it is a sound basis for a healthy relationship well... good for you.You'll hear no more from me on this.

Nevyn

http://www.acon.org.au/womens-health/relationships/Tips-for-Managing-Open-Relationships

The op is posting here to talk to other people who have experienced an open relationship
as she is not aware of anyone in her group of friends who has had one.

The level of honesty which she has with her partner is often exactly what is required to
make such relation ships work.

Ironé

AARRRGH wrote: »

Seriously, think about the concept of people being different and there being more than one way to have a relationship.

If I were the OP I've be very insulted by your judgemental posts.

While I appreciate what you are saying - people should be open minded about other people's relationships. But this also doesn't mean that every sort of relationship is good and healthy. But what is 'good and healthy' - obviously we all draw a different line in the sand for that.

There are consequences to the type of relationship described above. Although Prinz hasn't perhaps been 100% sensitive he is still highlighting some of these consequences. As the OP has posted here I assume she wants to get different people's differentopinions.

As to whether she is really happy with this situation or feels she should be, only she can answer that.

AARRRGH

Ironé wrote: »

As to whether she is really happy with this situation or feels she should be, only she can answer that.

But absolutely everything in her two posts suggests she is more than happy with her current arrangement, so I don't see the need to doubt her happiness, or worry that she is damaging herself or her boyfriend.

Her actual question is:

strangesitch wrote:

Is it weird that I'm not bothered about it? Am I mad?

In my opinion, if you do something you want to do, and everyone else who is involved wants to do it, and no one is getting hurt, and everyone is happy, than I don't see anything weird or mad about that. If anything, I think that's exactly how we should live our life.

Maybe I am the mad one, but I think the way to have a happy life is to do the things you like doing, not the things you're supposed to be doing. (Assuming you're not hurting anyone, etc.)

prinz

I know I said I'd say no more but (there's always a but) she may well be happy with the status quo, but in MY opinion, this scenario as she describes is unsustainable and will end in tears, her, him, whoever.

Smokers are happy smoking, but it still ends in tears usually.

As for being sensitive I will try my best from now on , I can't stand people beating around the bush or treating me with kid gloves, especially when I'm asking for advice, so that's how i tend to give it to others.

I find it offensive and judgemental that everyone can do anything at all and indulge in any sort of mindset once it isn't deemed "traditional", but woe to he or she who would recommend anything of the sort. Anything "old-fashioned" or "traditional" isn't welcome, so it seems in the new era encompassing free-love and acceptance etc.

And that bothers the hell out of me. One could freely encourage every configuration of male,female,animal, elf or whatever and be deemed "open minded", try to encourage a monogamous hetero- or homosexual relationship and you're inviting the wrath of "modern" man.

Nevyn

prinz all you are being asked it so post in a civilised manner and for your posts to respect
all relationships and for them to be on topic and helpful.
IS stop derailing the thread and making it about you.

This is your last warning, do not reply to this post in this thread and it be off topic
and get you banned.

bubblewrap

I think it may hit home once you are back together, if it was my bf, I would find it hard to go near him to be honest, damaged goods but I am not into sharing. It may not seem too real at the moment, you have done nothing more than kiss and he is in a different country. I doubt if you were together and he came in from a night out telling you about a hot blonde he has just been with, you wouldn't sit there enjoying what you are hearing.

blondiegirl

I think if he any intrest in you he wouldnt be having sex with other people..I know u said it was ok but that is just my view. If you continue to have an open relationship he will enventually find somebody he wants to be with exclusively!!

Nevyn

blondiegirl wrote: »

I think if he any intrest in you he wouldnt be having sex with other people..I know u said it was ok but that is just my view. If you continue to have an open relationship he will enventually find somebody he wants to be with exclusively!!

That may not be the case some people go on got be in fairly long term committed open relationships.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

That may not be the case some people go on got be in fairly long term committed open relationships.

"Committed open relationship",....... what exactly is the commitment?

Ironé

I'm sure it does work out for some people. But human nature being what it is I can't imagine that happens for the majority of people.