Would You??

LegacyUser

I think I'll get blasted for this but here goes. First thing I should say is I have a girlfriend of 5 years.

A new girl started in my company about 6 months ago, we seemed to get on great from day one and struck up a friendship. She's gorgeous, funny, witty. I found myself making excuses to drop by her office and she always seemed happy to see me. We've met out a couple of times too and we would text outside of work the odd time.

I met her at the weekend out, we'd both had a few drinks and I stupidly told her how fantastic I think she is. I thought she was way out of my league, she is seriously fit - a total fox but then came the mad thing, she said she felt the same about me and it was a pity I was taken. I kissed her and she kissed back, then she stopped and said it was a bad idea and she left.

On monday we went on our tea-break together and she was definitely `flirting again, asked if I'd had a good night. I said it was great and would love to do it again, she said maybe we should finish where we left off sometime.

TBH I was all talk this girl is the kind you fantasise about but never think you'd get, now it's so close I can touch it. I love my girl but this is a once in a life time opp. Should I go for it????????

bluecell99

Go for it if you want to end your five year relationship!It's up to you but at least comsider your girlfriends feelings and be upfront about it.Secret sex will only lead to heartbreak all round in this case.The new lady sounds - at least initially - as if she doesnt want to cause hassle as she knows your situation.

You have to ask yourself is it worth giving up what you have for a fling?Chances are thats all it could turn out to be.

The best thing is to remove yourself from temptation and just keep things at a formal level.In no time the attraction/excitement/ will fade.

But its up to you.

LegacyUser

Good god what a horrible boyfriend you are. Now if you were going out with your girlfriend 6 months I would say dump her and go for it but 5 YEARS?? Are you insane???

Just as a matter of interest how old are you? To answer your question no don't go for it, what if you do and it's terrible? Would you not feel terrible guilt towards your girlf? You mustnt be too into your girlf if you are willing to sh*g the first bit of skirt that comes your way.

You don't make any mention in your whole post about how your girlfriend would feel if she found out. A lot of I, I, I - you sound extremely selfish. I would advise you to break up with your girlfriend if you're interested in someone else.

in2dblue

I think if you've given this much thought about being with the girl in work then you should split up with your girlfriend.
Truth is if you really loved your girlfriend you wouldn't be posting what you did on Boards.
Then after the girlfriend you have to think if you sit with this girl on tea break I can only beging to imagine the awkwardness if things don't go to plan.

star-pants

Unregistered wrote: »

I love my girl but this is a once in a life time opp.

This is the line that stands out most. Once in a life time opportunity.... ?
A once in a life time opportunity is to hook up with a girl 'out of your league' when you have a loving girlfriend of 5 years at home? Sounds like you're trying to justify your reason to cheat as 'I could hardly pass it up' type thing.

Personally - I would be blunt and say 'don't be so stupid'.
But... being ... objective.

You say you love your girlfriend -- would you let her have a 'once in a lifetime opportunity' with a hot guy?
Is this new girl worth risking what you have with your girlfriend?

If both answers are yes then leave your girlfriend, and go hook up with this hot girl.
If not, then you need to do some serious thinking, about your relationship with your gf, the fact you'd be willing to risk it for a chance. Give your girlfriend the respect she deserves and either stay with her, or leave her and go get your hookups.

LegacyUser

I was with my bf for 5 years, 3 years into our relationship he was with a girl he worked with. I found out straight away and he cut all ties with her so that we could get back together. For almost 2 years we managed to work through it. We got the great fun and love back into our relationship however he proposed to me on our 5th year aniversary. I couldnt go through with it so i broke it off again. I completely broke his heart, now he cant believe how something so insignificant destroyed the relationship he had. A year on and he can't get over it and i'll never take him back, however hard it can be.

My advice, tell your gf how you feel. She may have doubts too and you can both work harder at things before its ruined.

That might make you realise that 5 years is too much to throw away!!

MIN2511

Hmmmmmmm....

Very interesting situation

1. Is this a lust/once only?
2. What happens if she wants more/you want more?
3. ****ting on your own door step is just wrong! If it happens, and she wants more and you can't give her more-what happens? Work relationship?
4. What will happen if your gf finds out, will you tell her the truth?
5. If this was the other way around, how will you feel if your gf is exploring the options of cheating on you with a colleague of hers?


Bottom line is what you want, if you go for it you should be aware of the consequences

phishcakes

if your in a relationship you shouldnt be looking...

LegacyUser

OP Again.

I know you are all correct. I was hoping someone would give me the go ahead so that I could justify it to myself. Honestly though, I think it i only a matter of time. I'm a weak selfish son of a b*tch

drunkmonkey

Unregistered wrote: »

Should I go for it????????

i'm probably going to get shot for this as well, but would you consider a one night stand with the new girl first, no point throwing 5 years away if the penny won't fit the slot....for all you know this new hot chick could have a little willy up her skirt..

seriously though, your in love, no harm in window shopping just don't bring home the doll....

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

OP Again.

I know you are all correct. I was hoping someone would give me the go ahead so that I could justify it to myself. Honestly though, I think it i only a matter of time. I'm a weak selfish son of a b*tch

When you sit down and actually think of your girlfriend that you've shared 5 years with telling another guy he's amazing, kissing him, flirting with him, and saying she just doesn't want to pass up the opportunity to get with him because he's the type of guy she fantasises about but never thinks she'd get, how does that make you feel?

If you feel horrible, then think whether you can do this to her.

If you think you wouldn't really be that bothered by it, then maybe its time to cut loose from the girlfriend, you seem to have fallen out of love with her.

I find that having such strong feelings for someone else is normally an indicator of a relationship going down the pan before the new person arrives on the scene.

baldbear

I'd say you wouldn't be the first eejit in a long term relationship this girl has slept with. She could be a bunny boiler. Don't be a baxtard. Keep your mickey zipped up and show your girlfriend some respect.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

I think I'll get blasted for this but here goes. First thing I should say is I have a girlfriend of 5 years.

A new girl started in my company about 6 months ago.....

I didn't even bother my arse reading past this.

OP, break up with your girlfriend.

dny123456

OP, just go for it, enjoy yourself... if you don't you'll be kicking yourself the rest of your life. Just do it.

Redpunto

go for it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, there is no way in hell that you care for your girlfriend if youre behaving like this,,,,,,,,,,go for it and tell your girlfriend what you did and allow her some piece of dignity and let HER dump YOU.

She does not need to be with you and shouldnt be with you. You have thrown a 5 yr relationship down the drain - do you have no respect for your girlfriend??

LegacyUser

I think any one who has been in a long term relationship will have to be honest and say they have been attracted to other people..
I dont know your age, but could it be possible you were young when you met your girlfriend and you didnt get a chance to play the field?? {which i think we all need to do}
The fact that you are putting this up on boards shows you are feeling bad about it other wise you would have just gone and done it??
What you do is up to you, but think about..

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I think I'll get blasted for this but here goes. First thing I should say is I have a girlfriend of 5 years.

A new girl started in my company about 6 months ago, we seemed to get on great from day one and struck up a friendship. She's gorgeous, funny, witty. I found myself making excuses to drop by her office and she always seemed happy to see me. We've met out a couple of times too and we would text outside of work the odd time.

I met her at the weekend out, we'd both had a few drinks and I stupidly told her how fantastic I think she is. I thought she was way out of my league, she is seriously fit - a total fox but then came the mad thing, she said she felt the same about me and it was a pity I was taken. I kissed her and she kissed back, then she stopped and said it was a bad idea and she left.

On monday we went on our tea-break together and she was definitely `flirting again, asked if I'd had a good night. I said it was great and would love to do it again, she said maybe we should finish where we left off sometime.

TBH I was all talk this girl is the kind you fantasise about but never think you'd get, now it's so close I can touch it. I love my girl but this is a once in a life time opp. Should I go for it????????

just go for it once then tell her after never again as you love your gf. That way you'll always have the fond memories, and the girl you love. You only live once mate

bubblewrap

Argh not another cheating thread! What is wrong with you people? This is much worse than a drunken fumble, you are getting emotionally attached and it isn't fair on your girlfriend. End it now, if she meant that much to you, this girl, no matter how beautiful she is, would not even come close to her.

Another man with low self esteem. :rolleyes:

prinz

I've known girls like this. One in particular. She just wants to show you what you cannot have. I hate this type of girl, and apparently there are a few out there. She will lead you along like a puppet and turn you into a muppet.

Give her a wide one. She will keep going until you destroy your current relationship even if nothing happens with her sexually, she will get in your head. The girl I knew used to call me, when she knew I was with my gf, send texts, then flirt like nothing else when I was with her. It put a huge strain on myself and my gf. In the end, I caught her out, told her I had broken up with my gf ( this was after weeks of the above )........ her first words were 'oh thats too bad, I'm sure someone else will come along, but I've decided you're not my type after all' etc.

These girls like to keep their options open at all times, keep guys playing off each other, keep you wishing your gf was more like her. In the end she'll drop you without a moments hesitation. Headwreckers.

LegacyUser

I really think I'm just going to go for it mate. Will be long anough dead. Impromptu staff night out has been arranged tonight and we're staying in the same hotel, I think we have ve both gone past the point of pretending nothing is happening now so just going with it.

I'm really looking forward to it

tbh

ok, so lets look at this dispassionately, and ignore the fact that your girlfriend is a living sentient being with feelings and emotions.

So, what happens if you sleep with this girl in work? Either it's going to be crap or it's going to be great. If it's crap, then you've risked your relationship for a crap shag, and that's going to be hard to take. If it's great, then you are going to want to do it again. You are going to tell yourself that you got away with it once and you'd probably get away with it again, and this next time will definitely be the last time.

You have to think of this situation as a one way street. Every step "into" this situation that you take is a step that you will not be able to take back. Even if you sleep with this other girl once, and you don't get caught, you personally have taken a step towards something - towards being somebody, that you'll never be able to change, no matter how guilty you may feel in the future.

Maybe this girl in the office is the one for you? Maybe you'll break up with your girlfriend and get with this new girl and you'll have a brilliant five years together until your head is turned by a girl in the office.

What I'm saying to you is that you have any shred of respect for your girlfriend - whether you love her or not, or want to be with her or not, this is about basic respect - then you'll make the effort not to just drift in this situation any longer. Take control, and take responsibility for your actions.

Either choose the office girl, and break up with your girlfriend, or choose your girlfriend and break off all contact with the office girl. Stop pretending that this is all happening to you - you and you alone are responsible for your actions here, and your actions do and will define you.

star-pants

OP Again wrote: »

I'm really looking forward to it

looking forward to hurting your girlfriend too?

tbh wrote: »

Either choose the office girl, and break up with your girlfriend, or choose your girlfriend and break off all contact with the office girl. Stop pretending that this is all happening to you - you and you alone are responsible for your actions here, and your actions do and will define you.

+1
Don't be such a greedy person, choose your gf or your workmate. I feel so sorry for your girlfriend.

LeahBaby

OP Again wrote: »

I really think I'm just going to go for it mate. Will be long anough dead. Impromptu staff night out has been arranged tonight and we're staying in the same hotel, I think we have ve both gone past the point of pretending nothing is happening now so just going with it.

I'm really looking forward to it

Op, your a horrible person. I really hope this comes back to bite you in the ass.

At least have the decency to break up with your girlfriend. You don't deserve her. She deserves to be broken up with with the respect you owe her, not finding out her knob of a bf was with the office slut.

tbh

OP Again wrote: »

I really think I'm just going to go for it mate. Will be long anough dead. Impromptu staff night out has been arranged tonight and we're staying in the same hotel, I think we have ve both gone past the point of pretending nothing is happening now so just going with it.

I'm really looking forward to it

that's cool, and best of luck. Remember this tho: If your girlfriend finds out about it - not saying she will, but if she does, and she starts to cry and you feel really guilty, just remember this: You did this. You actively chose to do it. It's not a moment of madness, it's the type of person you are.

That's not a judgement by the way, I can respect that type of person as long as they don't lie to themselves.

star-pants

tbh wrote: »

but if she does, and she starts to cry and you feel really guilty, just remember this: You did this. You actively chose to do it. It's not a moment of madness, it's the type of person you are.

Agreed. Don't lie to yourself, this is your choice and your choice alone.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

TBH I was all talk this girl is the kind you fantasise about but never think you'd get, now it's so close I can touch it. I love my girl but this is a once in a life time opp. Should I go for it????????

Think about what you're saying here because it says a lot about you: low self esteem, selfish, and emotionally shallow.

I hope your girlfriend never finds out you chose to hurt her over something as insignificant as a pretty girl showing interest in you.

bubblewrap

AARRRGH wrote: »

Think about what you're saying here because it says a lot about you: low self esteem, selfish, and emotionally shallow.

I hope your girlfriend never finds out you chose to hurt her over something as insignificant as a pretty girl showing interest in you.

Agreed, you are very low in self esteem. You are willing to throw away a woman you have shared 5 years with for some girl you never thought you would pull, that is very immature in my opinion.

What is worse though? His gf knowing or not knowing? I am not sure which I would prefer, you are either gonna get hurt or unknowingly look like a fool whatever happens.

wicklori

OP do you really think you are impressing anyone-you come on here and spend the morning toing and froing about whether you are going to cheat on your partner of 5 years.
Just go and do what you want because it's immaterial at this stage. You have spent the morning thinking about shagging a woman other than your 5 year partner and that for me is almost worse.

AARRRGH

bubblewrap wrote: »

What is worse though? His gf knowing or not knowing? I am not sure which I would prefer, you are either gonna get hurt or unknowingly look like a fool whatever happens.

It's a tough choice.

She doesn't deserve to be hurt, so he shouldn't tell her, but then again she needs to know what sort of guy she is sharing her life with, so he should tell her.

The short term pain is probably worth it, so he should tell her.

bubblewrap

I bet his gf is lovely too, I would kick him in the balls if I knew he was saying that about another girl, "I can't believe someone like her would be interested in me", does that mean your gf is a dog and you are 'making do'?

She must have something going for her for you to spend 5 years with her, forget the dolly bird, I doubt someone 'like her' would stick to one man anyway if she is that irresistable. :rolleyes:

*Honey*

OP Again wrote: »

I really think I'm just going to go for it mate. Will be long anough dead. Impromptu staff night out has been arranged tonight and we're staying in the same hotel, I think we have ve both gone past the point of pretending nothing is happening now so just going with it.

I'm really looking forward to it

Why did you bother asking people's opinion if you figured you were going to do this anyway?

How would you feel if your girlfriend was posting this exact same thing?

*Honey*

tbh wrote: »

that's cool, and best of luck. Remember this tho: If your girlfriend finds out about it - not saying she will, but if she does, and she starts to cry and you feel really guilty, just remember this: You did this. You actively chose to do it. It's not a moment of madness, it's the type of person you are.

Also remember that you were looking forward to it too... :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

OP Again. Ok so it wasn't the night of passion I had in mind, we did spend the whole night together though and slept (as in zzzz) together. It is more than lust with this girl and I've realised that if I can feel this way about someone else it is time to call it a day with the GF. How and when is what I need to figure out.

tbh

nothing wrong with that, man, it happens. Just tell your g/f asap and you're done.

the thing is, you've obviously developed feelings for this girl, and her for you, and if you were both single we'd all be delighted for you. As it is, while you're still with your g/f, you're going to be thinking of this other girl and enjoying the buzz and your g/f is going to harsh that buzz - through no fault of her own. You're going to start to resent her for that and you're going to start being cruel to her. She's not going to understand why - and putting her through that, because you're too frightened to tell her the truth and face the consequences - if you allow that to happen, you're just a boy no matter what age you are.

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

OP Again. Ok so it wasn't the night of passion I had in mind, we did spend the whole night together though and slept (as in zzzz) together. It is more than lust with this girl and I've realised that if I can feel this way about someone else it is time to call it a day with the GF. How and when is what I need to figure out.

My tip would be :

As soon as is humanly possible, before she finds out about you and this girl.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

OP Again. Ok so it wasn't the night of passion I had in mind, we did spend the whole night together though and slept (as in zzzz) together. It is more than lust with this girl and I've realised that if I can feel this way about someone else it is time to call it a day with the GF. How and when is what I need to figure out.

It is lust. Her beauty is playing tricks on you.

Been there, done that.

But you are right to break up with your girlfriend. Fair play for (sort of) deciding to do the right thing.

LegacyUser

OP again, disaster of my own doing. Had a 30th to go to with the GF last night so I was putting off the break-up until today. Anyways a few of us went to a club in town, inclduing GF. Walked straight into the work colleague in there, she was perfectly polite said hello, cringingly had to introduce her to the GF, and she said hello. Told us to enjoy our night and went back to her friends fairly quickly. Was all fine really but I worked myself into a tizzy and ended up downing the drinks at an unmerciful rate.

Couldn't keep my eyes off colleague, she's beautiful, men fawning over her all night - I saw red and and basically made it pretty obvious there was something going on. GF confronted colleague, not sure what was said. Colleague left, GF left with , I followed the colleague - she told me to go look after my GF( not sure if she was being sarcastic or genuine). I went home, have been calling both and getting no answer.

Don't no what to do next, ended up hurting everyone

Silverfish

Why would she confront your colleague and not you?

Did she just get up and go over to her without saying a word to you?

Why would you follow your colleague out, why would you be calling both of them?

You're still with your gf, so for the moment your loyalties are to her.

Even if you're 100% certain its over with her, and its the colleague you want to be with, when your colleague sees you chasing her while not having the gumption to finish with your girlfriend, you'll be left with neither.

littlefriend

Have a lie down in the bed you made for yourself

LegacyUser

5 years???
And you disrespect your girlfriend like that. Why? She didn't deserve that
You should keep trying to talk to your girlfriend and see will she respond. She may need a couple of days to get around this. You atleast owe her an explanation and an apology and some closure.

You made a real fool out of your girlfriend.
You made an even bigger one out of yourself.
You and your work colleague deserve each other as you have ruined everything with your girlfriend to be with someone who sounds like she has no morals, being with you when she knew you were taken.

Keep trying the to talk to the girlfriend.

star-pants

Problem is,
-your GF now probably has a fair idea of the truth and can't trust you
-your collegue has seen the scenario play out and she's been shown up in front of friends/co workers and will not want to be a part of it now

I'm sorry, but you were selfish and greedy and you've potentially lost everything.
I'd advice giving both of them some space. Your GF especially will be hurting so much right now, and she'll be so angry she won't want to talk to you or listen to your 'explaination'.
Give her some time, leave her be, and then try and contact her, and you'd better have some respect for her and at least apologise.
As for the collegue... I dunno if she will want to get involved in teh mess that is now your relationship, she may have only been up for a fling.

MIN2511

Wow.... Talk about coincidence!

1. Contact the gf, you know where she lives. Show up at her door and talk to her, relationship is going no where right now.
2. No point talking to the work colleague, you'd see her tomorrow.

Just go back to sleep now

*Honey*

Unregistered wrote: »

OP again, disaster of my own doing. Had a 30th to go to with the GF last night so I was putting off the break-up until today. Anyways a few of us went to a club in town, inclduing GF. Walked straight into the work colleague in there, she was perfectly polite said hello, cringingly had to introduce her to the GF, and she said hello. Told us to enjoy our night and went back to her friends fairly quickly. Was all fine really but I worked myself into a tizzy and ended up downing the drinks at an unmerciful rate.

Couldn't keep my eyes off colleague, she's beautiful, men fawning over her all night - I saw red and and basically made it pretty obvious there was something going on. GF confronted colleague, not sure what was said. Colleague left, GF left with , I followed the colleague - she told me to go look after my GF( not sure if she was being sarcastic or genuine). I went home, have been calling both and getting no answer.

Don't no what to do next, ended up hurting everyone

One word... karma.

ellie1

karma.:D:D:D

Silverfish

On-topic and helpful replies only, please.

jenbecca

Did you ever hear the saying if its too good to be true it usually is!!! Things like this always come back to bite you in the *ss. I would kick my husband out and divorce him if he even kissed another woman as that is cheating. I don't mind him having a look but being unfaithful I wouldn't be able to look at him again and I know he feels the same. So in my eyes you dont deserve your girlfriend

LegacyUser

Op Again, Karma I know, I messed up. I know I should have followed gf and not colleague but I was drunk and suppose colleague was all that was on my mind.

I got a text from gf, she doesn't want to talk to me yet but says she is going to come home tomorrow,she doesn't know anyhting that had gone on. Basically knows that I like this girl and that is why I made the scene in the club, seems colleague didn't tell her anything so at this point all she knows is that I like her.

I really didn't want things to end this way. I still plan to end it, regardless of wether anything happens with colleague this has made me realise that it's over. Should I tell her everything? SHould I just say that I do like colleague but nothing has happened? What can I do to make this easier for my gf.

wicklori

Ok-I may not be the biggest fan of how you have behaved but I think you are right to at least try to ressurect the situation in the interests of your partner.
If it were me I would come clean-in as much as I would tell her that you found yourself attracted to someone else and that was the final signal that your relationship is over-I'm sure there are other factors and I would explain them to her as well.
Do do any of the cliche bulls*** of 'it's not you it's me...' That's just patronising c***p to make yourself feel better.

dellas1979

Am stunned reading this. Literally mouth open.

You really hold yourself in some high-regard, dont you? Not once have you actually seemed like you give a feck about your current GF. Its a "poor me blah blah blah" fest. Yes, we know your type.

Few things I can see to keep in mind:

If I knew a fella at work was chasing me and I saw the way he treated his *current* girlfriend (despite me acting slightly slutty to get you), I would run a mile. I would be thinking "if he treats that girl like that, what would he do to me?". Only difference is, both of you seem as bad as each other.

She seems like a player too. Good luck with trusting her when she is throwing herself at a man she knows already has a partner. Neither she or you have boundaries so good luck with that one.

100% guarantee you will be on here in a few weeks with a "I had sex with my colleague and now she wants nothing to do with poor me" thread.

Hahahaha, sorry, and I am sorry for laughing, but the expression "dont sh*t on your own doorstep" comes to mind, but you are just pooping everywhere. Your reputation will become "poop" if you are not careful.

tbh

there's nothing wrong with falling for someone else while you're already with someone - nothing wrong at all, as long as you are honest and open about it. OP, tell your girlfriend the truth, tell her you've fallen for this other girl, and you can't commit to her anymore. Apologise to her, let her throw any abuse she wants to throw and then walk away. Never badmouth your girlfriend, never blame her for not being the girl you wanted and for making you feel guilty about breaking her heart, and be prepared to take some flak.