Lads let slip that boyfriend cheated?

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I really need your help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. He’s 28 and I’m 27. He went away last Friday with a big bunch of his friends for a week, I was invited but couldn’t go on account of work. About ten of them went all together, girls and guys. Most of them are back now but my boyfriend and a few others are staying until this Friday.

Last night we were in the pub having a few pints and the lads were telling funny stories from the weekend. They were drinking heavily, getting kicked out bars, scoring girls, the usual banter. Later on in the evening we were all quite tipsy and one of the lads said ‘That bump on James (my bf) head is mad, yer wan gave him a right seeing to!’. Everybody stared at him including me and I said ‘What?’. He blushed and got flustered and said something like..’Oh, no it wasn’t Jamie actually, it was Rob it happened to’.

I got up and left straight away and rang my bf but he didn’t answer. I wanted to get to him first before the lads could warn him that I knew something had happened. I was frantically calling him and the other lads that are with him but nobody would answer. I went back into the pub and calmly as I could asked what had happened and who had he been with. These guys are supposed to be my friends too but they all stuck together and stuck to the story that it was a slip of the tongue and that he had meant Rob. I broke down in tears and they were all telling me I was being stupid and just to relax. They were laughing it off.

I went home and eventually my bf answered his phone. I asked him calmly how he was getting on and then I couldn’t hold it in and asked him who he has with. He hung up on me and I haven’t heard from him since. Nobody else will answer there phone either which is very strange and is making me sick with anger.

What will I do? Am I over reacting? Do you honestly think something happened? What would you do next? I’m being treated like I’m crazy when I’m the one who’s had a huge shock and is left in the dark. Please help if you can at all.

Thanks.

cantdecide

sickwithworry wrote: »

He’s 28 and I’m 27. He went away last Friday with a big bunch of his friends for a week.....They were drinking heavily, getting kicked out bars, scoring girls, the usual banter...

They sound lovely.

I would have to worry about anyones character who thinks getting kicked out of bars as the usual banter. I've never been kicked out of a bar in my life.

At your age to have a bf that goes on big teenage pissups with his mates where he blatantly cheats before all and sundry doesn't say much for anyone concerned.

I hope I'm wrong but feel free to clarify...

LegacyUser

Take this as two clear messages

1. You know who your friends are

and

2. You've found out what BF is like. He's contaminated goods now.


You, if you take proper heed of what you've found, have had a lucky escape.

Move on and find someone decent.

sickwithworry

sickwithworry wrote: »

I got up and left straight away and rang my bf but he didn’t answer. I wanted to get to him first before the lads could warn him that I knew something had happened. I was frantically calling him and the other lads that are with him but nobody would answer. I went back into the pub and calmly as I could asked what had happened and who had he been with. These guys are supposed to be my friends too but they all stuck together and stuck to the story that it was a slip of the tongue and that he had meant Rob. I broke down in tears and they were all telling me I was being stupid and just to relax. They were laughing it off.

Your BF probably saw a text from them before he answered the phone.

I went home and eventually my bf answered his phone. I asked him calmly how he was getting on and then I couldn’t hold it in and asked him who he has with. He hung up on me and I haven’t heard from him since. Nobody else will answer there phone either which is very strange and is making me sick with anger.

Him hanging up is outrageous for someone you've been going out with for 2 years imho...unless you were shouting and roaring at him in the face of his denials or something.

What will I do? Am I over reacting? Do you honestly think something happened? What would you do next? I’m being treated like I’m crazy when I’m the one who’s had a huge shock and is left in the dark. Please help if you can at all.

Thanks.

Look.
It's not life and death.Since it isn't then don't treat it like that.The fact that you can't have a chat with your BF about it says a lot for the weakness of your relationship.
He may have cheated,he may not have.
It's very understandable that you feel the way you do having heard what you heard and getting no answers.
It's outrageous that your BF has treated you over the phone in this way.
Regardless you don't own him even when he is your bf.He can leave you and vice versa.
Basically my advice is to have a long hard look at this and decide if to you he's worth it.

username123

cantdecide wrote: »

They sound lovely.

I would have to worry about anyones character who thinks getting kicked out of bars as the usual banter. I've never been kicked out of a bar in my life.

At your age to have a bf that goes on big teenage pissups with his mates where he blatantly cheats before all and sundry doesn't say much for anyone concerned.

I hope I'm wrong but feel free to clarify...

+1

OP - sounds like a crowd who think they are still teenagers, and to be 'possibly' cheating on you in front of all is totally disrespectful.

I remember an incident with a BF of a friend of mine years ago, he went away with work, arrived home with lovebite. Announced to all that the lovebite was a 'bruise' caused when he was setting up a stand with the job. Was adamant it was a bruise, the GF accepted the story, lads from work backed it up. Years later, after they married he started spending nights away from home and told wife that he was playing cards with other male friend. Other male friend backed it up. 3 months after their second kid was born he walked out to be with another woman. It all came out in the wash, all the BS about the bruise that time, the playing cards etc...was all rubbish, he was doing the dirt on the girl from long before he married her - with back up from the 'lads'.

sammyv

I hate hearing stories like this. Why is he away for so long? Ok weekends are acceptable...but now he is taking the p**s.
He has handled this all wrong.
Take it that he has cheated on you...but what you have to think about is how do you want to deal with it?
Plus if he had of come home early, you would have seen the bump yourself.

Have you had anymore contact with him....text him now, and tell him to come home immediately.

He really is being a dick!!! Even if he didnt cheat on you, he treated you pretty crap, hanging up on you.

I say you are going through the crappiest of times right now...you can pm me anytime, i have gone through similar. No point saying everything will be ok, cos its going to be crap and hard!!! Sorry

littlebug

Maybe I'm being very ignorant here but how does a bump= cheating

Whether he cheated or not, your bf of 2 years hanging up and not answering your calls is not acceptable.

LegacyUser

I'm not defending your boyfriend but I can possibly understand him hanging up and being pissed off with you, if he did not cheat and you are accusing him of doing so.

Lorrs33

littlebug wrote: »

Whether he cheated or not, your bf of 2 years hanging up and not answering your calls is not acceptable.

+1

Let us know when he gets in touch!

bubblewrap

Oh I am so sorry to hear that, he sounds horrible. It is all well and good saying leave him but it isn't that easy, feelings get in the way.

I would never accept that though. Why are men such cheating pigs (and women before I get shouted at!!)?

LegacyUser

littlebug wrote: »

Maybe I'm being very ignorant here but how does a bump= cheating

Whether he cheated or not, your bf of 2 years hanging up and not answering your calls is not acceptable.

Becuase the lads used the phrase "yer wan gave him a right seeing to". "Yer wan" is used to refer to a girl and "yer man" would be used to refer to a guy. Also if you "give someone a right seeing to" it means that you banged their brains out (i.e. gave them a good f&ck).

bluecell99

You've obviously found out that him going away with lads getting scuttered is what he prefers.Maybe he does not want a monogamous relationship and cant admit it(like so many others).

Result is you worrying,arguing and accepting second best all the time.Why belittle yourself so much?

The way I see it is you have a couple of choices : a/Accept that this behaviour is highly unlikely to change unless he wants to, b/do you stay with him and others whose life seems to revolve around drink?The only way forward for them is heartbreak,busted relationships,trust issues and health problems.

Life is too short for you to be worried sick about someone else !!

Its up to you but whatever you decide dont try and change someone else.It WILL NEVER work.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks to all who replied.

I was gonna take teh day off work today cause I was in a state but I came in.

I called one of the girls who was away with them but who is back now. She's more his friend then mine but I would have considered her a good friend to me too. I asked her what happened and she said..'as far as I know nothing happened. I'm not getting involved'.
That was her basic answer.
I called my boyfriend about ten minutes ago and his phone is still off. He NEVER turns his phoen off usually. We have a very loving reltionship which makes this so confusing and horrific. I don't know what I'll do if it's true and also if it isn't. The way I've felt since last night nobdoy deserevs and I'd NEVER treat him with such a lack of respect. So either way he'd finished.
Sorry for ranting, I'm very torn and upset.

Femelade

I really feel for you...what a horrible situation to be put in.
the fact that he has his phoned turned off is a bad sign IMO.
Keep trying his phone, but i think the reason he has turned off his phone is he is afraid of the conversation that will happen.
I would be thinking he did cheat, especially after the reaction of the girl you rang.

I suppose the best thing you can do now, is accept its over, he is not worth it, and you deserve to be treated alot better than this.
Even if he hasnt cheated (which i doubt) he has a funny way of trying to convince you!

funk-you

TBH, it does sound like he cheated but I'm just throwing this out there about the phone...maybe his battery died and he didn't have a charger. Happens to me all the time.

It's possible, unlikely considering whats going on but still possible.

-Funk

BaubleFreak

I think you're gonna just have to wait and see what he has to say for himself when he gets back.

Just remember if he cheated on you then he wasn't worth your time in the first place.

professore

funk-you wrote: »

TBH, it does sound like he cheated but I'm just throwing this out there about the phone...maybe his battery died and he didn't have a charger. Happens to me all the time.

It's possible, unlikely considering whats going on but still possible.

-Funk

He could ask one of his mates for a phone ?

LegacyUser

funk-you wrote: »

TBH, it does sound like he cheated but I'm just throwing this out there about the phone...maybe his battery died and he didn't have a charger. Happens to me all the time.

It's possible, unlikely considering whats going on but still possible.

-Funk

Possible but if he's still with "friends" then he'd surely use one of their phones to text/ring just to calm explain that sort of thing. Looks very very dodgy to me =\

PurpleBerry

funk-you wrote: »

TBH, it does sound like he cheated but I'm just throwing this out there about the phone...maybe his battery died and he didn't have a charger. Happens to me all the time.

Sorry Funkie but I have to respectfully disagree. This way of thinking just shows how dependant people are on their mobiles these days. If he wanted to contact her there are still plenty of landline phones. Wherever he's staying surely has a phone, I'm sure wherever he is there are phonebooths, or international call centres and usually these places have Internet access too so even if there were no phones he could surely send her an e-mail?

starchild

its likely something happened but not necessarily that he was with someone, you wont know till he is in touch with you, it could have been anything

why dont you try one of his friends phones, if he is not with them tell them to get him to call you urgently

sammyv

I say the friend that let it slip is in big trouble.

I cant believe he still hasnt contacted you..he is making himself sound suspicous now.

maybe if he just had of talked to you, it could have been sorted, but he is taking the p**s now.

Fair play to you for going into work.

Why are some men/women dicks?? He knows you have to work, does he not care that you are probably sick and worried!!

Pyr0

sickwithworry wrote: »

Hi Guys..

I went home and eventually my bf answered his phone. I asked him calmly how he was getting on and then I couldn’t hold it in and asked him who he has with. He hung up on me and I haven’t heard from him since. Nobody else will answer there phone either which is very strange and is making me sick with anger.

Everything was a bit "well maybe it was a slip" until he hung up on your straight after the question, this reeks of "Oh **** she knows !". Sit this guy down and get it out of him one way or another but this is pretty damning evidence if you ask me.

MagicMarker

Yeah, I was about to say that it doesn't necessarily mean he cheated.

But your friend's reaction after he let slip (all he had to say was they were messing about, but getting flustered about it is very suspicious) says to me that something happened.

Personally, I'd forget about the lot of them and move on.

Kiera12

Hi! Has he ever cheated on you before or does he have a history of cheating in the past?

Sounds a bit bad to me in fairness! If my boyf doesnt txt me on a night out or his phone goes dead i make sure he txts from his friends phone, i might sound crazy but it makes me feel better! Im wierd bout these 'lads nights out' and my boyf has plenty of them!

Question him when you see him cause if you don't it will be on your mind everytime he goes away or out with the lads and it will drive you insane thinking about what he is up to, who he is with etc.

Wait til he gets back, i know its hard, but you will know by him when you talk to him face to face!

Be strong, you'll always come out the good one in the end!

Good luck

LegacyUser

Thank you all for replying.

It's confirmed. He slept with a girl he met in the hotel bar who was also staying there.
I found out from one of our mutual friends who is still away with him. He said he think smy boyfriend is a fool and a coward and that I deserve better. He said he loves me to bits and thought I had a right to know. My boyfriend knows that I know now and has his phone back on but I can't talk to him.

I am broken.

He always tells me I'm the most beautiful, sexiset girl he's ever met and that I literally 'stop him in his tracks' every time he sees me. We cuddle sup every night and read books togetehr. I make him dinner every evening and we love going out for dinner and pints together. We have the same taste in films, music etc. I am heartbroken.

How, when he has all this patiently and lovingly wiating for him at home, how could he cheat???

I am very trusting and not once did I even say behave on your trip.

I am lost:(

Was our whole relationship a sham? Has he done it before?

It's so stupid but teh first thing I wanted to know and that I asked is 'Was she good looking and slim?..in other words, is she better then me?

cantdecide

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuug

At least you have time to see how you feel before you see him again. It will look differently tomorrow so give yourself some time to think.

yellowcurl

sickwithworry wrote: »

Later on in the evening we were all quite tipsy and one of the lads said ‘That bump on James (my bf) head is mad, yer wan gave him a right seeing to!’. Everybody stared at him including me and I said ‘What?’. He blushed and got flustered and said something like..’Oh, no it wasn’t Jamie actually, it was Rob it happened to’.

Yeah his careless friend slipped up here, if he'd genuinely made a mistake there would be no need for blushing and getting flustered.

sickwithworry wrote: »

These guys are supposed to be my friends too but they all stuck together and stuck to the story that it was a slip of the tongue and that he had meant Rob. I broke down in tears and they were all telling me I was being stupid and just to relax. They were laughing it off.

I'm really sorry but these people are not your friends. They seem to have your bfs back 100%. Even when you were in tears, they were laughing. That really isn't a nice thing at all. Do you have other good friends outside the group? It might be for the best if you went to hang out with them instead. Ultimately, his friends will always be his friends first.

sickwithworry wrote: »

I went home and eventually my bf answered his phone. I asked him calmly how he was getting on and then I couldn’t hold it in and asked him who he has with. He hung up on me and I haven’t heard from him since. Nobody else will answer there phone either which is very strange and is making me sick with anger.

He hung up on you? What an ass. I'd say he's panicking now and is too childish to have a reasonable conversation over the phone about it. Once again his friends are on his side, not answering their phones etc. Clearly they don't care about your feelings in this at all, and you don't deserve that.

sickwithworry wrote: »

What will I do? Am I over reacting? Do you honestly think something happened? What would you do next? I’m being treated like I’m crazy when I’m the one who’s had a huge shock and is left in the dark. Please help if you can at all.

Thanks.

Only you know if you're over reacting, but from the fact that he's turned his phone off and isn't calling you to explain anything kind of points towards your reasoning. No one can tell you what to do as it's your choice. The one piece of advice that i can give is surround yourself with friends that care about you and don't try to hide whatever it is your bf has been up to.

Best of luck with everything, it's not nice to be in the position that you're in now. Look after yourself.

Mr. Incognito

Wow- just wow.

I feel so sorry for you.

Do you live together?

I'd be packing all his stuff into a black bag beofre the anger subsides.

Silverfish

At this point I will urge people to read the OP's updates before replying, so we are not continually going over old ground.


OP, my heart breaks for you, it really does. Thats a horrible, horrible situation to be in, he's away, you find out, he's not there to tell you himself or clarify anything or even yell at to help clear your head, you just have to sit there with the churning and the worry and the sadness and anger

My advice is, for the moment, have a good cry. Go home from work.
Get it out of your system.

I wouldn't try to phone him, its not up to you now to chase him down, its the other way. He behaved horribly, even when he knew you knew, he hung up on you. He didn't try to phone you back to even try deny it, talk to you, apologise... he just left you to stew in it. That is not the behaviour of anyone you want to be with.

Pyr0

sickwithworry wrote: »

Thank you all for replying.

It's confirmed. He slept with a girl he met in the hotel bar who was also staying there.
I found out from one of our mutual friends who is still away with him. He said he think smy boyfriend is a fool and a coward and that I deserve better. He said he loves me to bits and thought I had a right to know. My boyfriend knows that I know now and has his phone back on but I can't talk to him.

I am broken.

He always tells me I'm the most beautiful, sexiset girl he's ever met and that I literally 'stop him in his tracks' every time he sees me. We cuddle sup every night and read books togetehr. I make him dinner every evening and we love going out for dinner and pints together. We have the same taste in films, music etc. I am heartbroken.

How, when he has all this patiently and lovingly wiating for him at home, how could he cheat???

I am very trusting and not once did I even say behave on your trip.

I am lost:(

Was our whole relationship a sham? Has he done it before?

It's so stupid but teh first thing I wanted to know and that I asked is 'Was she good looking and slim?..in other words, is she better then me?

Firstly, I know it's easier said than done but you can't start thinking "is she better than me ?" 'cause you'll never get anywhere thinking like that ! You have to sit down and think about what you're going to do that will make YOU happy sooner rather than later, again I know it'll be hard but you'll have to get your head straight about it all.

I'm in no position to say if you're whole relationship is a sham, you'll have to ask all those questions yourself and get to the bottom if it with your bf, who in my opinion should be Ex-bf.

sammyv

You must be feeling so crap right now, but at least you know.

Have you decided what you will do yet? dont beat yourself up, and wonder was she better then you, im sure they were both drunk, and i doubt she was stunning looking.

This must be terrible news to be dealing with, your boyfriend is a dick. Maybe it was just a stupid drunken fling, but he handled it so wrong.

you need to see him face to face. Like a said, demand he comes home, have it out with him

Sinall

You poor thing, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. It's a horrible, horrible thing tohappen and I know it might not seem like it now - but he does not deserve someone as good as you.

I know you are probably remembering all the nice things about him but the main thing you need to remember now is that this is not a nice thing that he has done-it is horrible and deceitful and you deserve better.

The fact that he did not face up to you when it was obvious that you were worried is very cowardly of him. It seems that him enjoying himself on his holiday was more important to him than you worrying and being upset at home. It doesn't sound like he is rushing to apologise now either.

Hang in there, you are better off without him in my opinion. xxx

yellowcurl

Hi OP, i'm sorry i was probably typing away when you posted your update.

I'm really sorry to hear that that's what happened. I know you'll be upset and wondering why he's done this etc. But at the end of the day, he's not a nice guy for doing this. Most of his friends aren't nice people for denying it to your face (with the exception of the one who told you). He also got his friend to tell you instead of telling you himself. It kind of stinks of cowardice on his part.

Anyone deserves far better than what has happened to you. It's probably time to reconsider friends, acquaintances and him. At the end of the day, do you want to be surrounded by people who lie to you?

LegacyUser

dublincity1980 wrote: »

leave him alone he didnt do a thing . keep out of it what ya dont know doesnt hurt ya

Are you for real? It wasn't like they were only going out a few weeks, it was 2YEARS, this mindset drives me nuts and I know people who believe that when they go abroad or away somewhere its "a different place, different time zone, no harm, just fun" MY ARSE!!

It is never acceptable to cheat for any reason, if the relationship is going no where then you should at least have the dignity and balls to text or ring them before committing such horribles things. Some people don't deserve relationships. You deserve to be alone until your in your 40's watching all your married friends raising their kids with you looking on going "maybe I shouldn't have been such a dick all my life and respected those who trusted me"

reprazant

dublincity1980 wrote: »

leave him alone he didnt do a thing . keep out of it what ya dont know doesnt hurt ya

I take it you know the person involved then?

Femelade

dublincity1980 wrote: »

leave him alone he didnt do a thing . keep out of it what ya dont know doesnt hurt ya

I suggest you read the whole post before posting something as unhelpful as that.


OP: i am so sorry..
I hope you are packing up his stuff..

Dont contact him, it will do you no good.
He is a horrile person.
You deserve someone better, and someone who will appreciate all you do for them. i.e dinner every evening.

MonicaBing

dublincity1980 wrote: »

leave him alone he didnt do a thing . keep out of it what ya dont know doesnt hurt ya

You sir, are an ass. Have you read the same posts as all the rest of us? if you have nothing positive or relative to say then kindly zip it.

Listen girl, my heart breaks for you, its such a crap way to discover what a toerag he is, but at least its now and not 10 more years, a marriage and kids into it.

Surround yourself with positivity and YOUR friends....the fact that he had to get his friend to tell you is disrespect enough the cowardly ****....if he cheats once, he will do it again, and i think you've been humiliated enough.
Please think very carefully about your gonna do next, but the whole drama, his friends behaviour to you, not answering fone, then turning it on when he knows you've been told, it all stinks to me..Chin up girl, your worth 100 of him xx

Beruthiel

dublincity1980 wrote: »

leave him alone he didnt do a thing . keep out of it what ya dont know doesnt hurt ya

Read this forums Charter please.
B

bubblewrap

sickwithworry wrote: »

Thank you all for replying.

It's confirmed. He slept with a girl he met in the hotel bar who was also staying there.
I found out from one of our mutual friends who is still away with him. He said he think smy boyfriend is a fool and a coward and that I deserve better. He said he loves me to bits and thought I had a right to know. My boyfriend knows that I know now and has his phone back on but I can't talk to him.

I am broken.

He always tells me I'm the most beautiful, sexiset girl he's ever met and that I literally 'stop him in his tracks' every time he sees me. We cuddle sup every night and read books togetehr. I make him dinner every evening and we love going out for dinner and pints together. We have the same taste in films, music etc. I am heartbroken.

How, when he has all this patiently and lovingly wiating for him at home, how could he cheat???

I am very trusting and not once did I even say behave on your trip.

I am lost:(

Was our whole relationship a sham? Has he done it before?

It's so stupid but teh first thing I wanted to know and that I asked is 'Was she good looking and slim?..in other words, is she better then me?

You poor poor thing, I am so sorry to hear that. I doubt she is better than you, she was a drunken fumble - he is a fool, do not give him another chance.

Well done to your friend though for being honest with you.

Rosita

Eddie Grant wrote: »

I'm not defending your boyfriend but I can possibly understand him hanging up and being pissed off with you, if he did not cheat and you are accusing him of doing so.

I think the hanging up is called buying time to find out from the lads what she knows.

I am surprised there are not more defending him to be honest on the basis that there is no direct evidence and "it was only a bit of craic" and "you're a control freak" etc.

As for her "accusing him of cheating" - it is difficult to find out if a strong implication that someone has cheated is true or not unless you ask them the story behind it. That is something short of accusing the person of cheating. It is giving them a chance to put their side of the story. And as circumstantial evidence goes, the boyfriend hanging up when offered that opportunity is pretty damning I would say.

From my experience of human nature, if someone can clear something up as quickly as possible to everyone's satisfaction they usually will. But perhaps there is no pain-free explanation here.

Kiera12

I'm so sorry to hear that. The same happened me a few years back with my ex, Exxcept i was away dancing in Croatia and he was sleeping with someone the whole week i was away then denied it and only 2 years later he admitted it and said he was proud of what he did but followed me to Australia to get back with me and did so much more to get back. Obviously i said no after what he had done.

I knew the girl to see and she was gorgeous, blonde hair and real thin. I am so self concious since and anytime my boyfriend now goes out or talks to girls i get butterflies with jelously.

I dont know what to say to you, yet another girl that has been hurt, its all im hearing lately and makes me wonder are they all the same. No matter how tempting it might be in a few weeks/months or how much begging he might do to get back.... DONT.... it is such a hard situation to be in but they dont change.

I hope you will be ok.

Stay strong and hold your head up. You have found out now what he is like and you can do so much better.

Oh The Humanity

OP, sp sorry to hear it, that is a gut wrenching experience to go through.

You should distance yourself from this lot and whatever you do try as hard as you can not to find out details. They will only cut you deeper and they are meaningless in the long run.

Sure look at yer man cheating on Cheryl Cole with that bowler of a thing, looks have nothing to do with it. If the fella couldnt be trusted then it doesnt matter what she looked like.

You are still that same beautiful girl that stops him in his tracks with all your lovely qualities, they are just wasted on him. Pearls before Swine.

He is not who you thought he was, at least you know, what a horrible way to find out.

My heart goes out to you, I am sorry for your pain. You do not deserve this.

who007

Kiera12 wrote: »

I'm so sorry to hear that. The same happened me a few years back with my ex, Exxcept i was away dancing in Croatia and he was sleeping with someone the whole week i was away then denied it and only 2 years later he admitted it and said he was proud of what he did but followed me to Australia to get back with me and did so much more to get back. Obviously i said no after what he had done.

I knew the girl to see and she was gorgeous, blonde hair and real thin. I am so self concious since and anytime my boyfriend now goes out or talks to girls i get butterflies with jelously.

I dont know what to say to you, yet another girl that has been hurt, its all im hearing lately and makes me wonder are they all the same. No matter how tempting it might be in a few weeks/months or how much begging he might do to get back.... DONT.... it is such a hard situation to be in but they dont change.

I hope you will be ok.

Stay strong and hold your head up. You have found out now what he is like and you can do so much better.

Wow that sounds awful! But to both you and the OP - no we are not all the same and no-one deserves that treatment. There does seem to be a disturbingly high number of these tales around on PI at the moment though...

Kiera12

who007 wrote: »

no we are not all the same quote]

Hi! I know there are guys out there that wouldnt dream of cheating but how are you to know your with that one, especially if they have done it before. Anyone can say ' honey i would never cheat on you' they are words that can come out of anyones mouth but its who is being honest is the question. Its easy to believe if you love the person and your happy until some day they go out and either in a drunken mess or just out of stupidity they end up kissing or sleeping with some other girl .... but they come home and say 'had a great night with the lads last night hun!' what are you going to do.... believe them cause they have told you they would never cheat and you love and trust them!

If you've been cheated on or know they have cheated before, its something that will always stay in the back of your mind!

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

So sorry to hear what you're going through, that's so horrible.

I think the main thing now is to not try to compare yourself to the other girl, its nothing you ever did, or the way you look, or anything about you really.

If someone is going to cheat so blatantly like this, then they're not committed to the relationship, or probably any relationship they're ever in. I have a male friend who is like this, has been in a few long-term relationships: 4 years; 7 years; now 2 years, and has cheated on them all. He might struggle with the commitment, or just a loneliness issue, where, even though he has a wonderful relationship with you, he looks elsewhere for validation.

Its such an overused thing to say, but its his loss. He can't see what a wonderful thing he has, and he'll probably never fully appreciate the great thing that is being in a committed relationship.

I know, I've just been through a break up, its horrible, but he's not going to learn from this, he could and probably will do this again, if not to you, to someone else. Whereas you can come through this, and hopefully one day in the future be in a lovely, committed relationship with someone who is not going to cause you pain like this.

loopyloulou

To the OP - Im absolutely gutted for you, thats the worst type of betrayal from someone who supposedly loves you.. what a pig!! Im sure youre going to question the whole relationship now, did he do it before, was everything he said to me lies?? etc... This is gonna hurt like hell for a while and he'll probably apologise and try and get back with you but please walk away and dont let him hurt you anymore, you deserve so much better!!! As for his mates?? Put it this way, if i was on holidays with my girlfriends and i was thinking about cheating on my boyfriend you can be guaranteed that my best friend would pull me aside and say dont do it, you'll ruin your relationship.. Shed be so disappointed in me especially as she knows how good my boyf is to me... His mates seemed to have done nothing in this case thinking ahh his girlfriend will never find out, good man, pat on the back!!! Theyre as spineless as he is to be honest and youre better off away from the lot of them... Spend lots of time with your friends, cry, scream and let it all out.. You will get over it in time and eventually find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. xxx

Lou

Beruthiel

sickwithworry wrote: »

I am broken.

You poor thing. My heart goes out to you. What a total asshole.

How, when he has all this patiently and lovingly wiating for him at home, how could he cheat???

Cos he's a utter idiot who didn't know what a good thing he had at home.

Was our whole relationship a sham? Has he done it before?

Who knows? Certainly nothing he tells you at this point can be believed.

It's so stupid but teh first thing I wanted to know and that I asked is 'Was she good looking and slim?..in other words, is she better then me?

What does it matter? Don't bother thinking about that, it changes nothing.
Dump his ass from a height.
I know you're heartbroken, but you WILL get over this.
Continue to remind yourself that you deserve better.
That he didn't know how good he had it.
That he's an utter fool.
That there are men out there who will be too happy to replace him and treat you right.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Beruthiel wrote: »

That there are men out there who will be too happy to replace him and treat you right.

Truth. Just as women wonder where all the good guys are, we guys sometimes wonder where the hell the good woman are. Ones we can be proud to be with.

OP I'm so sorry to hear of this, but better you found out. He's not worthy of your love or attention. From this, you'll find a better man, one who will treat you with everything you deserve.

I believe Wibbs made this comparison before, but look at this like a life enema - its not pleasant at the time, but it gets a lot of useless sh!t out of your life.

sammyv

i really hope the OP is ok

who007

Kiera12 wrote: »

who007 wrote: »

no we are not all the same quote]

Hi! I know there are guys out there that wouldnt dream of cheating but how are you to know your with that one, especially if they have done it before. Anyone can say ' honey i would never cheat on you' they are words that can come out of anyones mouth but its who is being honest is the question. Its easy to believe if you love the person and your happy until some day they go out and either in a drunken mess or just out of stupidity they end up kissing or sleeping with some other girl .... but they come home and say 'had a great night with the lads last night hun!' what are you going to do.... believe them cause they have told you they would never cheat and you love and trust them!

If you've been cheated on or know they have cheated before, its something that will always stay in the back of your mind!

I guess there's no way of knowing. But we have no way of knowing either. I have been cheated on but give every new gf the benefit of the doubt and I am very rarely let down. There are a lot of good people out there. Unfortunately it's the bad ones that mak it seem otherwise.

Varkov

Do you think you did something to make him cheat on you?