If they cheat WITH you, will they cheat ON you??

LegacyUser

Have fallen big time for someone at work. Up to now I've been resisting temptation because he has a girlfriend, I'm of the opinion that there is no point even going there if there is no possibility of a future together...but could there be??

I know of couples who met while in other relationships and have ended up very happy together. But can you ever trust someone you've met like that? Is it a case of once a cheater, always a cheater.

And please, I don't want the opinions & judgements from high moral ground. I like this guy, he likes me(he's been very clear about it, not about his intentions however so that is something I would need to talk to him about),I've been cheated on & the aprties involved didn't give me a second thought so I'm not going to worry about anyone else. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity.

dudara

Unregistered wrote: »

he likes me(he's been very clear about it, not about his intentions however so that is something I would need to talk to him about)

Cop yourself on and have some respect for yourself. Don't be someone's bit on the side.

,I've been cheated on & the aprties involved didn't give me a second thought so I'm not going to worry about anyone else.

If you're not going to worry about anyone else, then at least worry about yourself. Being the 'other women', the person he sneaks around with, is hardly a healthy way to be.

dreamer_ire

It's not an opportunity... or at least not for you. If he likes you that much he'll finish his own relationship properly and in time then there may be a chance for you. Until then my advice is stay clear.... you'll always have doubts about it.

smares

You have been cheated on so you know how it feels. Why would you make someone else feel like that.
If he really liked you he would end it with his girlfriend and be with you. If he has no intention of leaving his girlfriend then your basically his bit on the side why would you settle for that?!
He is in a realationship so he is NOT single- stay clear!

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

Have fallen big time for someone at work. Up to now I've been resisting temptation because he has a girlfriend, I'm of the opinion that there is no point even going there if there is no possibility of a future together...but could there be??

I know of couples who met while in other relationships and have ended up very happy together. But can you ever trust someone you've met like that? Is it a case of once a cheater, always a cheater.

And please, I don't want the opinions & judgements from high moral ground. I like this guy, he likes me(he's been very clear about it, not about his intentions however so that is something I would need to talk to him about),I've been cheated on & the aprties involved didn't give me a second thought so I'm not going to worry about anyone else. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity.

Word of warning, wrong place to post, you'll be getting a load of idealistic nonsense spewn at you in the next few hours. Don't think your request will stop it.

Anyway, I think most humans are likely to cheat. I do agree fully with "once a cheater, always a cheater" when the cheater gets back with the person they actually cheated on, but I don't think it applies when its different people.

I'd say this guy is as likely to cheat on you as he would be if he was single when you met him

Salome

I was once a "bit on the side" - I know for a fact that if we had gotten together permanently, after the excitement had worn off, he'd be back to his old tricks.

What makes you so special that he WOULDN'T cheat on you if you prised him away from his girlfriend?

I bet you have low self esteem issues and you're considering splitting this couple up just to boost your ego.

Grow up, he's got a girlfriend. Leave him alone and get one of your own.

LegacyUser

OP Here, I've no intention of being his bit on the side. However I'm not going to have that conversation with him unless I'm sure that it's going to go somewhere. I don't want him to have to break someones heart, have the crap of sorting out mortgages etc and then to realise that I don't trust him because maybe he'll meet someone else like he did with me.

I know of couples who met while in other relationships and have ended up very happy together.

I met my BF while I was with my ex, I didn't cheat. I don't think there's a need to cheat.

herya

Salome wrote: »

What makes you so special that he WOULDN'T cheat on you if you prised him away from his girlfriend?

I bet you have low self esteem issues and you're considering splitting this couple up just to boost your ego.

Grow up, he's got a girlfriend. Leave him alone and get one of your own.

You're making a lot of assumptions here. If he decides to leave his current gf for a new one - fair enough, it's his choice if he makes a clean break. Cheating is another thing completely.

Salome

They're living together and you're considering breaking up a relationship and starting something with this man? How selfish are you?

dreamer_ire

Unregistered wrote: »

OP Here, I've no intention of being his bit on the side. However I'm not going to have that conversation with him unless I'm sure that it's going to go somewhere. I don't want him to have to break someones heart, have the crap of sorting out mortgages etc and then to realise that I don't trust him because maybe he'll meet someone else like he did with me.

So if you've already decided why bother looking for opinions?

herya

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't want him to have to break someones heart, have the crap of sorting out mortgages etc and then to realise that I don't trust him because maybe he'll meet someone else like he did with me.

But you'll never have this guaranteed. Whether he left somebody for you or not he may still meet another girl and leave you for her.

LegacyUser

Salome wrote: »

I was once a "bit on the side" - I know for a fact that if we had gotten together permanently, after the excitement had worn off, he'd be back to his old tricks.

What makes you so special that he WOULDN'T cheat on you if you prised him away from his girlfriend?

I bet you have low self esteem issues and you're considering splitting this couple up just to boost your ego.

Grow up, he's got a girlfriend. Leave him alone and get one of your own.

Don't be so naive, I don't have low self-esteem issues, so don't make silly assumptions based on your own pre-conceptions. I'm not short on male attention, I've gotten the come-on from people in relationships plenty of time and had no desire to follow through on them.

FYI there is no "prising" going on here. In fact we have both been very much trying not o go there for a number of months now but it's getting impossible to ignore the fact that we like and care for each other an awful lot.

LegacyUser

dreamer_ire wrote: »

So if you've already decided why bother looking for opinions?

I'm not looking for opinions on getting involved with this man. I'm looking for opinions on wether people think that I will be able to trust him if we do.

Quote:
I know of couples who met while in other relationships and have ended up very happy together.

You were probably emotionally cheating, I know he certainly is with me at this point.

LegacyUser

[quote=[Deleted User];59268019]I met my BF while I was with my ex, I didn't cheat. I don't think there's a need to cheat.[/QUOTE]

You were probably emotionally cheating... error quoting on my previous post

yellowcurl

Don't go there. If he's willing to break up with someone he's living with, he could just as well do it to you. There's a certain level of emotional involvement in buying a house together, and if he's done this with someone before, he can easily do it again.

Have you had any sort of conversation with him? Or are you over-analysing some things? You appear to be saying that you haven't acted on your feelings at all, but are already considering what could happen if he split with his partner. Think it may be jumping ahead of the gun, he's probably just looking for a nice bit on the side in the office. He sounds like a sleaze anyway.

Salome

Why call the thread "If they cheat WITH you, will they cheat ON you" if you've no intention of going there before he splits up with his girlfriend?

If you just want an answer to your question rather than a dose of reality, then YES, OP, he WILL cheat on you.

He'll probably get bored with you when some younger, prettier, less skanky model offers it on a plate again.

dreamer_ire

Salome wrote: »

If you just want an answer to your question rather than a dose of reality, then YES, OP, he WILL cheat on you.
quote]

+1

LegacyUser

yellowcurl wrote: »

Don't go there. If he's willing to break up with someone he's living with, he could just as well do it to you. There's a certain level of emotional involvement in buying a house together, and if he's done this with someone before, he can easily do it again.

Have you had any sort of conversation with him? Or are you over-analysing some things? You appear to be saying that you haven't acted on your feelings at all, but are already considering what could happen if he split with his partner. Think it may be jumping ahead of the gun, he's probably just looking for a nice bit on the side in the office. He sounds like a sleaze anyway.

Where have I said anything that makes him sound sleazy? He isn't by the way.

Yes we have talked but I've basically told him I didn't want to go there. I'm not jumping the gun. I'm prepared for the fact that when it comes down to it he may not want to go through with it. However I know him very well, he knows that I wouldn't be interested in being a bit on the side in the office, we've talked about it.

He's told me he feels like he is betraying me when he sleeps with his partner. When he is away on business, which he is alot, he calls me last thing at night before he goes to bed, he takes me out for long lunches, he checks my car for oil every couple of weeks, he does lots of little nice everyday things, way too many to mention. He is very sweet and not sleazy at all.

LegacyUser

Salome wrote: »

Why call the thread "If they cheat WITH you, will they cheat ON you" if you've no intention of going there before he splits up with his girlfriend?

If you just want an answer to your question rather than a dose of reality, then YES, OP, he WILL cheat on you.

He'll probably get bored with you when some younger, prettier, less skanky model offers it on a plate again.

Salome you're wasting your time... I know your type and I've no interest in your opinions. Open your eyes and realise that the world is not black and white and stop being so self-righteous!

I'm not skanky, I'm an attractive & intelligent, and I'm a good person who's happened to have met & fallen for someone who happens to be in a relationship. The opinions of a small minded idiot are not going to bother me.

LegacyUser

If you want to be with this guy then wait until he is available. If he isnt willing to leave his girlfriend for you, he is only looking for the one thing.

It could be the case that things are not working out between them anyway. put yourself on the top of someones list and dont settle for being second best.

dreamer_ire

Unregistered wrote: »

Salome you're wasting your time... I know your type and I've no interest in your opinions. Open your eyes and realise that the world is not black and white and stop being so self-righteous!

I'm not skanky, I'm an attractive & intelligent, and I'm a good person who's happened to have met & fallen for someone who happens to be in a relationship. The opinions of a small minded idiot are not going to bother me.

OP firstly attack the post not the poster please. If you don't agree with the posters sentiments that's fine but it's really not ok to ask for opinions and then slate someone for them.

Secondly it seems to me like you are only interested in those expressing the opinion you want to see. That said I'm bowing out of this thread but I do wish you luck.

Salome

I know you won't want to hear this OP but he's emotionally cheating on his OH and you know it.

Whether you act on it or not, the fact is that he's already being disrespectful to his partner and if you become his partner, I imagine that it's possible that the same thing will happen to you when the excitement wears off.

And that's not me being self-righteous, it's honesty. You came here for opinions but I think you know the answers already. Are you hoping that someone will agree that you're the one for him? Sorry, I can't see that happening.

Save yourself some heartache, go for someone who is free to be yours and who will respect you enough not to go to another woman behind your back - physically or emotionally.

ellie1

put yourself on the top of someones list and dont settle for being second best.[/quote]

Op.
I think your post is very emotive but do you really want to play second best. Even if you do start seeing this guy while he has a girlfriend, it wont be the same as seeing him as a single guy so you will never really find out how compatiable you are.
I think you are better off waiting till he is available and then you wont have to worry about your original question.

E.

LegacyUser

dreamer_ire wrote: »

OP firstly attack the post not the poster please. If you don't agree with the posters sentiments that's fine but it's really not ok to ask for opinions and then slate someone for them.

Secondly it seems to me like you are only interested in those expressing the opinion you want to see. That said I'm bowing out of this thread but I do wish you luck.

dreamer_ire I will defend myself against anyone who deigns to call me "skanky" I didn't ask for peoples opinions on cheating in general, and I did make that clear in my OP.

wylo

OP the only way you'll know if he wants to take you seriously is if he breaks up with his girlfriend before he does anything with you, until then you are his bit on the side

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a good person

No you aren't

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP.
If you are both interested in eachother then put your cards on the table with him.
Tell him nothing can or will happen while he is in a relationship.
If he decides to leave his gf/house/mortage (i doubt he will somehow) then by all means have at it but dont be naive and fall for the "i will break up with my girlfriend when the time is right" speech.
Let him be a man and end it if thats what he really wants.
Simple as.

smares

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm not looking for opinions on getting involved with this man. I'm looking for opinions on wether people think that I will be able to trust him.

So he is living with his girlfriend obviously well settled and paying a mortgage and he would cheat with you which could lead to him losing this. If he is willing to lose all this to cheat with you then no he cant be trusted as how easy will it be to cheat when he just has you and no other ties.

If you were out in a pub and a guy was standing with his girlfriend would you try pull him no because his girlfriend is there, this is no different he is not single so you can't be with him

LegacyUser

Salome wrote: »

I know you won't want to hear this OP but he's emotionally cheating on his OH and you know it.

Whether you act on it or not, the fact is that he's already being disrespectful to his partner and if you become his partner, I imagine that it's possible that the same thing will happen to you when the excitement wears off.

And that's not me being self-righteous, it's honesty. You came here for opinions but I think you know the answers already. Are you hoping that someone will agree that you're the one for him? Sorry, I can't see that happening.

Save yourself some heartache, go for someone who is free to be yours and who will respect you enough not to go to another woman behind your back - physically or emotionally.

Salome you seem to be making alot of assumptions about his motives. His been with his partner for over 10 years. This isn't something that has happened lightly and just because the excitement has worn off in his relationship.

I'm not hoping that someone will agree that I'm the one for him. I'm almost certain that I am.
I'm asking for opinions on wether the circumstances in which we have met will in the long-term have a bad affect on our relationship. I'm worried that he will be giving up a lot and that I will be unable to trust him.

I would like opinions from people who might have been there or who can look at the situation objectively, without making personal judgements which is what you are doing.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

He's told me he feels like he is betraying me when he sleeps with his partner. When he is away on business, which he is alot, he calls me last thing at night before he goes to bed, he takes me out for long lunches, he checks my car for oil every couple of weeks, he does lots of little nice everyday things, way too many to mention. He is very sweet and not sleazy at all.

Do you normally fall for guys with no balls? He obviously hasn't a care in the world for his current partner, he's too much of a pussy to do anything about it. Not until he has another one lined up at least.

In my opinion, he will cheat on you when he gets bored, and another piece of meat comes along.

Go for it, you seem made for each other.

He's told me he feels like he is betraying me when he sleeps with his partner. When he is away on business, which he is alot, he calls me last thing at night before he goes to bed, he takes me out for long lunches, he checks my car for oil every couple of weeks, he does lots of little nice everyday things, way too many to mention. He is very sweet and not sleazy at all.

There's the small fact that he has a GIRLFRIEND who he's cheating on, emotional cheating can be as painful as any other kind. I think the answer is yes. If he lives with this woman and is willing to risk all of this, yes he will do it again. I've met this type many times. Always wanting that bit of excitement, thinking about what they could have when they get bored.

If he really did want to be with you, he'd break up with the girlfriend. I know life isn't black and white, I know things happen. But it's one thing to realise your relationship isn't working, break up and then start seeing the new person, and another to just cheat. He's demonstrating a huge lack of respect for his girlfriend, and it most likely hasn't anything to do with her. It's to do with HIM. What would be different if you were the girlfriend?

Salome

Unregistered wrote: »

Salome you seem to be making alot of assumptions about his motives. His been with his partner for over 10 years. This isn't something that has happened lightly and just because the excitement has worn off in his relationship.

I'm not hoping that someone will agree that I'm the one for him. I'm almost certain that I am.
I'm asking for opinions on wether the circumstances in which we have met will in the long-term have a bad affect on our relationship. I'm worried that he will be giving up a lot and that I will be unable to trust him.

I would like opinions from people who might have been there or who can look at the situation objectively, without making personal judgements which is what you are doing.

You seem to know what you want and I don't get the impression that anything will get in your way.

I wonder if you'll feel differently when he's trying to sort out mortgages/houses/property when he finishes with his OH. I'm not making any assumptions about you - I think you've made your position very clear. After 10 years together, there's a lot of history and baggage - you think that's going to be easy/fun/romantic/exciting to deal with? Wouldn't it be better for everyone, including you, if you bowed out?

Right, I've said my piece and I'm bowing out. I won't wish you luck though, I just wish you'd do the right thing - and not just for you.

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm asking for opinions on wether the circumstances in which we have met will in the long-term have a bad affect on our relationship.

The probably will alright, he will have much less respect for you for a start, of course thats not how you'll see it, hes hardly gonna tell you.

yellowcurl

Unregistered wrote: »

Have fallen big time for someone at work. Up to now I've been resisting temptation because he has a girlfriend, I'm of the opinion that there is no point even going there if there is no possibility of a future together...but could there be??

Honest answer, no. The relationship will be based on deception from the start. How would you feel if he was treating you the way he treats his partner behind her back? For all you know, there could be a few of you out there.

Unregistered wrote: »

I know of couples who met while in other relationships and have ended up very happy together. But can you ever trust someone you've met like that? Is it a case of once a cheater, always a cheater.

There are many different possible reasons why these relationships have worked out. How do you know that the other person in those relationships doesn't worry about whether their partner is going to cheat on them? It may be well hidden on the outside, but it could lurk there beneath.

Unregistered wrote: »

And please, I don't want the opinions & judgements from high moral ground. I like this guy, he likes me(he's been very clear about it, not about his intentions however so that is something I would need to talk to him about),I've been cheated on & the aprties involved didn't give me a second thought so I'm not going to worry about anyone else.

So when you were cheated on before, you weren't hurt at all? I don't know how you couldn't care about the hurt that this could cause the innocent parties in this. You for one should know this.

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't want to miss out on an opportunity.

An opportunity? That kind of sounds more like a job offer than a chance for a relationship. Go out and socialise with friends and meet a nice single guy who will respect you and not hop from one partner to the other, overlapping in between.

Darthhoob

tbh trust depends from person to person. noone can tell you if you will trust him more or less than the average single bloke. we do not know you or him. all we can tell you is whether we think we could trust someone who cheated with you....my answer to this is no.

but then i have trust issues lol! and i have been cheated on before. if i was to start a relationship with a man who is cheating on his partner....i personally could not trust him as far as i could throw him. i do believe that people can change and a cheater is not always a cheater....but i would have a problem with forgetting that they have done it before and quite possibly do it to me.

littlefriend

Unregistered wrote: »

He's told me he feels like he is betraying me when he sleeps with his partner. When he is away on business, which he is alot, he calls me last thing at night before he goes to bed, he takes me out for long lunches, he checks my car for oil every couple of weeks, he does lots of little nice everyday things, way too many to mention. He is very sweet and not sleazy at all.

Why hasn't he broken up with her already? He feels like he is betraying you when he sleeps with his partner??? LOL
Get a grip on yourself - are you actually believing this bullsh*t?
OF COURSE he will cheat on you. In fact, if you believe everything he is saying then he already is cheating on you by sleeping with his partner. Are you mad thinking this can go anywhere?

yellowcurl

Unregistered wrote: »

His been with his partner for over 10 years. This isn't something that has happened lightly and just because the excitement has worn off in his relationship.

Please tell me there are no children involved, whatever about not having any regard for another womans feelings, but if there are children involved, what you are doing is wrong.

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm not hoping that someone will agree that I'm the one for him. I'm almost certain that I am.

Maybe that's the small part of you that subconsciously thinks that you shouldn't be doing this.

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm asking for opinions on wether the circumstances in which we have met will in the long-term have a bad affect on our relationship. I'm worried that he will be giving up a lot and that I will be unable to trust him.

Yes it will have a bad effect on your relationship in the long run. Yes he will be giving up a lot. And no you won't be able to trust him.

LegacyUser

I have been there, done that and here is my experience......

I knew a man through the same line of work....and somewhere along the line the two of us started to become attracted to each other. And yes, he had a girlfriend. I suppose at the start it didnt annoy me, we were like you, talking and chatting, we were very clearly attracted to each other and eventually something happened between the two of us.

Almost 2 years later, it was the same crap, lies, deceit and he still didnt have the balls to up and leave her. A lot of men out there are good at having their cake and eating it.

You are filling some void he seems to have. He is quite happy for you to be stroking his ego, making him feel better about himselfm prooving to himself that he can still pull the ladies, while he still is with his girlfriend, still living with her, and still sleeping with her. Now thats a big factor - why in the hell is he still sleeping with her????

And yes, if he was any decent sort, he would leave her first.

And will he cheat on you? Probably yes. Somehow he feels it is perfectly ok for to be doing what he is doing at present with you. So this shows you his mentality. He thinks this is acceptable behaviour. Do you think that being with you is going to make him change?

And for the record, I am a intelligent woman, who had high self esteem, was confident, who wasnt short of male attention either. Being in such a situation destroyed every shred of self respect I had for myself. My self esteem disappeared and I turned into some needy pathetic person.

My advice to you is to stay clear, for your own self.

LegacyUser

To the OP,

All you have to do is ask him out straight. "Are you prepared to leave your Girlfriend for me right now before we get into a relationship".

If you both can admit that you are strongly attracted to each other then why can't you have a frank conversation with him and get it all out in the open.

You may be an intelligent girl but intelligence often goes out the window when you are strongly attracted to someone and emotions take over and the lines between doing the right thing and doing the wrong thing become blurred.

Make it easy on yourself. Tell him you love him but can't be involved with him on any level unless he steps up and leaves his girlfriend. If he throws out excuses as to why its not the right time to leave his girlfriend yada yada yada then use some of your intelliegence to nip it in the bud and get on with your own life.

I wish you luck.

star-pants

unregunregunreg wrote: »

I have been there, done that and here is my experience......

Fair dues for sharing. And you're quite right, if they don't leave for you in the beginning, they're never really going to. I had a friend who got involved in couple of different relationships with taken guys, and I had to listen to her b*tch about the actual GF and how the poor guy had to put up with her blah blah. You don't want our opinions but that's the truth of the matter. She got strung along for a long time and became a person I no longer liked and ended the friendship with.

End of the day - he's messing around with you emotionally whilst still with his girlfriend. If you become that girlfriend, what's to stop another 'you' coming along and taking his fancy? He has no quams about doing it to this girlfriend, and he's been with her 10years you say? So he's untrustworthy (as such) after 10year relationship and you want to know if he'd be trustworthy in a new one based on dodgy startings of a new one? I would go with no, he's not. Also if you have to ask can you trust him , then you don't.

sassa

Sorry op you need to get a dose of reality you say he's not a sleaze and that you havent said anything to even get that idea well lets go over what you have said
1. he's in relationship with a woman for 10 yrs
2. he has a mortgage with her
3. he does lots of nice things for you long lunches etc. (most men will do "nice things" to improve their chances)
4. he feels like he's cheating on you when he sleeps with her

see thats the important part he's still sleeping with her so to answer your question no he will not be faithful because right now he is basically cheating on you too (fcuked up and all as that may sound) imo he's not gonna leave her for you if he had no feelings for her why would he still be there? whys he still sleeping with her he is a sleaze and sorry to say it but i think he's just priming you to be his bit on the side. if you think he is serious ask him is there a future for you both and when he is going to break up with his girlfriend, because as much as its unfair on her its unfair on you too if he's just playing you along.

TomMorgan

Let me give you my perspective as a guy who's been there and done that.

Until my current OH, I cheated on all my girlfriends. Got together with my current gf by cheating on the previous one. The difference is that I actually really love my current gf, in a way I never realised was possible before. Been going out four years now, and I've never cheated on her and never wanted to. We're getting married next year.

So no, I don't think this guy will inevitably cheat on you (although obviously I don't know him). Maybe he really thinks you're 'the one'. The difference between us I guess is that there is no need for him to cheat on his girlfriend. I scored my current gf and THEN realised she's deadly but if you like eachother so much already then he should be able to leave her first.

hot2def

Unregistered wrote: »

He's told me he feels like he is betraying me when he sleeps with his partner.

He is very sweet and not sleazy at all.

I don't know, if I were his girlfriend I'd find that pretty breath-takingly sleazy...

anplaya

i know a lad was seeing this girl behind her fellas back,he was seeing her on the sly n he moved in with her after a while when she finally broke up with her fella etc.after a while he found out she was cheating on him too with a fella he knew,shes now living with the other fella.complicated eh ,but i honestly dont feel sorry for him one bit.what comes around goes around imo

your better off not to get involved in that kind of situation,will only end in tears.once a cheat ,always a cheat.:rolleyes:

smileysurfer

Unregistered wrote: »

Salome you seem to be making alot of assumptions about his motives. His been with his partner for over 10 years. This isn't something that has happened lightly and just because the excitement has worn off in his relationship.

I'm not hoping that someone will agree that I'm the one for him. I'm almost certain that I am.
I'm asking for opinions on wether the circumstances in which we have met will in the long-term have a bad affect on our relationship. I'm worried that he will be giving up a lot and that I will be unable to trust him.

I would like opinions from people who might have been there or who can look at the situation objectively, without making personal judgements which is what you are doing.

The answer is YES! he more than likely whill cheat on you too once his mind strays again! harsh but true!

Originally Posted by Unregistered
He's told me he feels like he is betraying me when he sleeps with his partner.
He is very sweet and not sleazy at all.

I don't know, if I were his girlfriend I'd find that pretty breath-takingly sleazy...

I couldnt agree more!!SLEAZY SLEAZY SLEAZY!! He clearly has no respect for his partner if he is even divulging this information to 'the other woman' outside his relationship! He should make up his mind, find a pair of balls and break it off with his partner and make a go of it with you if that what he wants to do ( which is clear to me and a lot of other posters that that is not what he is going to do)
Put yourself in his partners shoes, they are together 10 years and your pursuing her man! back off, find someone else, your not going to come out on top!

LegacyUser

I would like opinions from people who might have been there or who can look at the situation objectively, without making personal judgements which is what you are doing.

Ive cheated on people while I was in relationships and also like you been the bottom feeder hanging around vulturing on leftovers. Before you start ranting again, thats a judgement on myself as well as about you.

I would have had a similar predictable attitude to you about what I saw were 'people on their moral high horses' ....and similarly asking for advice and then rejecting it when it was not what I wanted to hear.

My attitude was these 'self righteous people were all living in their perfect world' were totally unrealistic' and 'all had perfect lives and were lucky' etc etc basically Kevin the teenager no-one understands me.......

I did what I pleased anyway and their criticisms stayed with me and looking at them now I can see the people who bothered trying to reach out to me were only trying to help me snap out of my narccisitic reverie and trying to get through to me that I was being an assh0le.

Anyway, as for people on here not being objective, I think they are, after all we are a load of total strangers, we dont know you and dont have any motivation for lecturing you......for what reason would anyone bother?

I've washed my dirty laundry here for you, so you can see I know what I am talking about.

Dont make the mistake of thinking you are different and you wont fall into the pitfalls others did.

In my case one of the fellas I liked (at work too) was very similar to your own situation, in the end he didn't bite, I thank God he didnt now cos I have a much nicer man all of my own.

You sound very stroppy and defiant, as if you think your case is somehow exceptional.

I think you need to get real.

Wagon

Hate to break the bad news (again) but yes, he will probably cheat on you. Look at it logically:

1. He currently has a partner of ten years who he is living with.
2. He told you he is really into you but hasn't broken up with his partner.
3. He does these nice little things for you (calls you last thing at night, changes the oil in your car etc.)

The (possible) truths are:

1. He has a partner of ten years
2. He is planning to use you as a bit on the side. In other words, he is not longer satisfied sexually with his girlfriend but likes the security. That's why he doesn't want to leave her.
3. Does these nice little things so he can get his hole. Reckon he does them for his girlfriend? Probably not. Why? He has everything he can get from her.

I advice against you doing this until he actually is prepared so show some balls and do it like a man:
- Be honest and break up with his girlfriend,
- sort out the mess that follows,
- be prepared for the consequences and accept them.

I don't think your a bad person OP. I think your just head over heels and having your judgement clouded. The strange thing is that you've been cheated on in the past and you're prepared to allow someone else to suffer the same sadness. You're sense of Karma is a little backwards too, if you belive in it that is. Also, this bloke isn't sweet. He's more of a sweet talker. The best sleazes are the ones that you never suspect.

So that's it in a nutshell. You can take it or leave it

herya

Unregistered wrote: »

He's told me he feels like he is betraying me when he sleeps with his partner.

Alarm bells DING DONG!
Do you really want to get together with a man who has such ethics?
It looks like you do but I wouldn't expect any kind of happy future if this is his approach and he can live with this no bother.

Monkey61

Right, I don't quite understand what the issue is. He hasn't cheated on his partner.

Why is it so difficult for you to say "Yep, I like you and want to be with you, are you going to break up with your girlfriend?" If the answer is no, then you have your answer.

Breaking up with somebody to go out with somebody else is not cheating. It's breaking up with someone and I imagine it happens in those kind of circumstances quite often.

The only suspicious thing about this all is why he hasn't broken up with her yet. Is he just feeling you out to see if you definitely want to be with him before he does? I don't think emotional cheating makes someone particularly untrustworthy. It's also a very big step to leave your partner of 10 years for someone else if you don't even know if it will work so it would explain why he is being hesitant.

Loxosceles

The truth is, if he cheats on someone to be with you, you will never trust him completely. That is a spot of bother in a relationship that can fester into emotional gangrene no matter how much he declares his feelings. A breakup has to be because of things not working, not because of someone else. Using someone else just fobs off responsibility that can be pinned on you if things don't work in future, out of blame, and give him the impetus to cheat again sooner rather than later.

Bad juju. Avoid.