New to cats, angry and unsure

RossFixxxed

Hi everyone.

Myself and my OH adopted a 6/7 year old cat from the DSPCA. I felt so bad for the poor little thing being in a cage etc and was happy she now had a lovely little house and 2 loving people to care for her.

The little thing is very affectionate to us and very loving.

HOWEVER, she claws under our bedroom door every night keeping me awake, she urinates all over the bed (and me once) if she gets in. The house smells of cat food all the time, she is litter trained but her aim leaves a lot to be desired.

I dn't have the heart to throw her back into a DSPCA cage but my skin is getting worse and worse every day from her hair. I never feel clean in the house and I'm starting to resent her. It's a terrible thing to say really but I wish she'd go away. She's reluctant (to say the least) to ever go out and I hate that the house smells all the time no matter how many BOTTLES of fabreeze etc I use.

I'm sick of scratching and feeling dirty all the time. I do love her but I much prefered it when we had a nice clean house. My OH and I have only been living together a few months and this cat situation is putting a lot of strain on me.

I don't want to get rid of her but I don't want to be getting annoyed all the time, I don't want to be missing sleep because of the cat and I don't feel it's fair to leave her alone in the house every day when we're in work and every night when we're in bed... I guess I need to find her a new home, but my OH is very fond of her and I don't want to fight about it.

Does anyone know what to do in this (rambling) situation. I HATE the smell of cat food, I hate the absolute dump our conservatory has become with cat lits and cat food tins and smelling like a butcher shop.

Thanks for reading.
Ross

Ger the man

The scratching is caused by dander (dead skin from the cat) and it will pass very soon. How much research did you do about cats before you got her?

jim o doom

I'd specifically "put her out" more so she can get used to your outside environment around the house, exercise can't do her any harm eh?

With regards to the smell in the conservatory - hoover your house more frequently, throw out any tins of cat food the second you are done with them - consider buying those multipacks of cat food in "pouches" as you just feed the cat and then bin the pouch.. change the litter more often as well if the smell is bad.

With regards to your bedroom scratching - sounds like she just wants to be with ye during the night - since that is impossible - ensure she cannot get to your bedroom door during the night (restrict her to a different part of the house by closing doors) & ensure your bedroom door is always closed to she cannot get in there and pee on the bed..

jimboddb

Why did you agree to get a cat in the first place? You're responsible now for its well being, training, actions etc., firstly how about getting back to basics with the training.This should help with the peeing every where.

Unfortunately cats smell like cats & dogs strangely enough tend to smell like dogs, again you sign up for this when you actually get the animal. This complaint is actually one of pets hates, pardon the pun.


p.s. Theres alot of hate going on there, its only a kitten its not doing this things to actually annoy.

RossFixxxed

HI Guys,

Thanks for the swift replies.

1) I did NO research but the OH has had loads of cats in the past figured she was the expert.

2) I do clean the litter very regularly, mop and hoover the floor.

3) Yeah the tins is laziness I need to bin them much quicker.

But my skin is getting worse and worse (i have a mild condition that this is making NOT mild. We do close doors but she will scratch under them and as it is the bedroom carpet is absolutely destroyed. I love the cat as I say but I want her out. The only reason I haven't thrown her out is I feel bad for these abandoned animals and my OH. If it was just me she'd be back in the DSPCA or IDEALLY another home better equipped. I had next to no proper sleep last night and I'm in work with all the skin on my face falling off on to my keyboard it's just horrible and it's really, really putting me in VERY bad form. I don't know. I wish I was a colder person and I could just get rid of her.

I think I'm gonna have to start kicking her out to the back garden more and more. Last time i picked her up she tried to claw my eyes out , so I'll have to do it carefully. I wish I had never gotten the cat.

Edit: Sorry missed one point above. Of couse she's not doing it deliberately at all, she's an animal not a person. But I'm suffering due to the thing and that's not right either... My OH is THE most important thing to me and if there is any tension between us due to a cat then it's not on.


Ross

Ger the man

Some people keep there cats indoors all the time to prevent them from being sick, getting hurt etc. The cat wont care about your house and will come and go as he\she pleases. You should talk to your OH though... I assume you both share the feeding\ cleaning up duties?

RossFixxxed

We both share the duties, tbh she did more initially and I've been going out of my way lately to do more of it. I'm a little OCD about hygeine so it's been a bit of a learning curve.

If I'm to be 100% honest I want her gone. NOW. But I do not want to dump her in a cage in the DSPCA to rot away it seems so unfair. I wish I didn't feel like that to be honest. I DO love the cat, I'm very fond of her but it's making me miserable. I don't want to bring anyone over to the house anymore because it smells and it makes me feel dirty and i end up scratching all day long. I just don't like it at all.

I got the cat to make my OH happy, and she doesn't seem that attached to her like i thought she would be. She was huge on getting a cat and I went along to make her happy. This was probably the wrong thing to do to be honest as I'm really worried this will cause fights. I've sent her on this link to read as I can be a little more blunt and honest here.

R

Ger the man

RossFixxxed wrote: »

HI Guys,


1) I did NO research but the OH has had loads of cats in the past figured she was the expert.

Sorry to be blunt but there lies the problem, that is one of the reasons why animal shelters are bursting at the seams with unwanted animals. A little planning and talking to your OH would have helped.
Some cats have no problems with the outdoors and being put out at night, most rescue centres will tell you what kind of environment the cat is used to, good with kids etc. Scratching at furniture is also normal, I can give you a free scratching post if you want to help prevent this.

RossFixxxed

I have bought a scratching post, and done everything to encourage using it... to no avail. She and I have looked this up, gone to the vet etc.

Yes I did NOT do enough research but I was assured by the DSPCA etc that she was good with other cats (she attacks all them that she meets), that she was well used to going out (she won't)...

She IS very affectionate, crawls into my hoodie purring sometimes which is adorabe and as I said I do have fondness for her. But I'm sick to the teeth of my skin being terrible, being woken up every single night by her scratching and mewling. I cannot get her to go out and having my eyes clawed at trying to pick her up makes me very reluctant to try it again TBH.

If it was just me she'd be gone today, but I don't know where the OH stands on the issue and I'm scared of upsetting her. She's an older cat and traing seems to have been done when she was younger. I just don't know. I don't want a cat in the house 24 hours a day and I think its cruel to do so, the boredom alone.

I'm at my wits end, I'm having a lot of my own problems and not being able to sleep (we can't close some doors in the house due to overpainting (not by me))... and I'm starting to resent the cat. I'm just so unsure what the best approach is. I used to love coming home to my little house with my OH together and spending the evening together. Now I just think 'what's happened this time'. I now have a poo smelling, rotten cat food (she barely eats half of what we give her) stench every time I go home, hair everywhere etc.

Look I know I'm to blame here a good bit, I thought cats go out (all the neighbours ones are out all the time happy as larry) and do what the do outside, come home for food and go back out. I don't want her in my house, I don't want to be ashamed of the state of my house. I don't want my face to feel like it's got dirt under the sking, and I'm sick of it flaking all over my desk in work I've tried really hard to accomodate her as best I can but I'm getting very, very angry.

She's only a cat, it's not her fault, but I'm begging to get aggressively adverse to her. (I would never do anything violent that is absolutely not me) but the fact I'm thinking it is worrying enough.

BOTTOM LINE IS I GOT HER FOR MY OH AS SHE LOVES CATS. I'VE HIDDEN HOW BAD MY SKIN IS GETTING AND HOW DIRTY I FEEL ALL THE TIME. BUT IT'S REACHING A TIPPING POINT. IT MAKES ME SO SO SAD TO THINK WE'D HAVE TO GET RID OF HER BUT I CAN'T KEEP ON WITH A CHARADE THAT'S MAKING ME REALLY STRESSED.


Ross

nedoo

Got my first cat for the wife a while back and had all the same things happen. Feed her dry food, it and her poo dont smell half as much. Loads of hovering. When scratching, totally ignore her. If you react she will keep doing it. Kick her out during the day so she will sleep all night. There are sprays you can get that will stop her going to the loo in areas you dont want her to. The skin thisg is a funny one, talk to your doctor, on that one.

They are worth the effort and you just have to put up with another body living in your house. Good luck.

Ger the man

Time for her to go.

mymo

I agree about dry food, good quality one though more expensive they eat less so kind of evens out. Also less poop and smell. Make sure litter tray on tiles or lino, try bigger tray or covered cat loo if she misses a lot.
I found Zoflora disinfectant great to clean and get rid of smells.
(Have used it on fabric sofa, well diluted on cloth then used an old iron on low heat to speed up drying)
Tire cat out in evenings with toys, and confine away from bedroom.
Never had to deal with peeing on bed, other than shutting door no ideas. How long have you had her? could be stress.
Just check is pee very smelly, or frequent? could be a sign of health problems.

I'd give up the frabreeze it caused bad skin reaction to myself and daughter.

RossFixxxed

She can't eat dry food, tummy problems (I really wish she could!) We've had her 4 months. She's always been affectionate and maybe that's why she wants into the bed, it's warm and there's company. But ruining the carped means no deposit back for us and money is tight.

Thanks for the advice to everyone, I am taking it all on board. I'm writing here to get honest feelings out. The best thing for ME would be to get rid of her. But there's two of us in the relationship so it's not fair to make the entire decision. The gf was big on the idea and got her VERY quickly I was rather surprised. I just wish I hadn't of agreed to it. I think I was to soft and didn't give it enough thought. Every time I see the cat I feel sad about letting her go, but it's the right thing to do. I am SO sick of scratching and feeling dirty all the time, I'm sick of beign embarrassed about my house which is costing me a fortune. I used to love the place now I flinch every time I walk in the front door.

I have been to the doctor, it's an existing skin condition, but it's also inside my ear canals and it's causing them to get blocked with increasing frequency to the point of infection last time... I don't know what to do I really, really, really, really cannot face the thought of upsetting my gf, but I can't see me being happy with a smelly, carpet runing yoke ruining my health on an ongoign basis. I hate havign to get home from work every time to feed her rather than taking my time. I hate that holidays seem to be awkward cos of the cat. I wish we never got her.

Arrgh I'm so confused.
R

MsFifers

You are COMPLETELY stressed out and you have my sympathy, but as a cat lover I'm going to side with the cat! :D

Seriously - I know you just want to get rid of her, but I really think that with a few adjustments you can make the situation work.

As you need a lot of advice - this is going to be a long post. Be prepared!

First of all, the cat sounds v. stressed also - the over-affection, the peeing, and freaking out about other cats all point to a cat that is not properly settled in yet. Try "Feliway" - you can get it from a vet. Its a scent for cats (humans can't really smell it) that you spray or plug-in and it helps to calm them down.

The smell problem should not be there at all. I have a few cats and my house does not smell at all. (I've checked with friends!).

A good quality dry food won't smell and might not upset the cat's stomach - try something like Royal Canin or Hills, they are stocked in large pet shops or in a vets. If you have to stick with the cans, you can buy a proper plastic cover so you can keep an open can in the fridge without it smelling.

I found that cheap tinned food make my cat's waste really stink, so only feed them Royal Canin dry food now. The difference is vast, I'm serious! The cheaper the food, the worse the stink. More expensive food will keep your cat healthier also, so will pay for itself in reduced pet bills.

Don't leave uneaten food in her bowls if the smell bothers you that much. Empty it out and wash her bowl. And just rinse out and throw away the dirty cans, for goodness sake! They must stink! You can't blame the cat if you are being a bit lazy.:)

Stop with the febreeze. Those chemical things aren't good for anyone, and might be irritating your skin also. If your cat has peed/pooed somewhere, you need to clean it with white vinegar or bicarbonate of soda. Look online/google for suggestions on removing smell of cat pee, and there are lots of suggestions.

Don't clean up with bleach as the ammonia in it makes it smell like pee of another cat (to a cat) and it will make your cat want to pee on the spot again to mark her territory.

The litter tray should be scooped out everytime there is anything in it. My cats won't use a tray if there is anything dirty in it (would you want to walk in your bare feed in a used litter tray? Neither will your cat!). Clean, convenient litter trays are they only way your cat won't pee/poo everywhere.

What type of litter are you using? I find a good quality clumping litter works well, and doesn't hold any smells once you have scooped it clean. You will also then need to completely empty the tray about every 2 weeks, wash it with boiling water, dry it and refill with new litter.

As for the keeping you awake: one of my cats has a tendency to do this also. The only solution was 1. play with him to tire him out (and that means play that gets them running about, like chasing after a ribbon, toy mouse you throw for them or a laser pointer.

If that doesn't work, then you will have to keep her in the conservatory or somewhere away from your bedroom so you can't hear her scratching.

Thats all I can think of for now.

I think you should really make an effort with this cat. Yes, pets are a big responsibility and they do cut down on your freedom a bit, but once you get used to it, and treat them as well as you can, they really do repay you will lots of love and affection and laughs.

I woke up this morning to find one of my cats playing with the shadow of another cat's tail - made me laugh as soon as I opened my eyes to the day. Can't beat that!

MsFifers

One last thing!
Don't force her to go outside. She is probably afraid of being in new territory with other cats around. Let her feel secured in your house first, and when then time is right she'll start to explore.

If you force her outside now, she might panic and get herself lost or run over.

herya

Is there a chance that the cat is afraid of you or even hates you? What you say about ther not letting you pick her up or peeing on you sounds like she has issues with you and seeing how you don't want her around she might have copped on this. If she sees you as a threat it may be hard for you two to live together. Is her behaviour the same with your OH?

I guess that most of the issues you describe can be fixed - why do you give her too much food if the remains stink? Give her half as much and only add some more if she asks, or use dry food as the staple of her diet. Re: the carpet, you need to either let her in or lock her in another part of the house with no carpeting. It takes a good while for a cat to ruin the carpet beyond repair.

But if she's causing you health problems you may need to rehome her...

RossFixxxed

Hi,

Thanks very much for a very detailed post. The DSPCA told us to under no circumstances use anything other than wet food as her stomach is very, very sensitive so I'd be reluctant to try anything else.

I will stop using fabreeze etc as you say as it possibly doesn't help. Maybe she isn't settled in but playing with her doesn't work she has absolutely no interest. She only wants petting when it sutis and then completely blanks us for hours sometimes and will show no interest in anything. I'll see what I can do.

The skin thing, seems to just be an allergy. I've never been around cats, only dogs and they seem fine around me. But it's bloody painful and I now have a big red flaky face and it's thoroughly unpleasant. I fell permanatnly like I have grit under my skin and in my eyes and it's a horrible experience.

We had her in the vet not too long ago and apparently she's healthy. I dunno what to do. I only want to keep her for my OH as I'm going away for 3 weeks soon and she'd have company. From my point of view I want it out of the house now. Everytime she goes out I half hope she runs off or something. i don't want her to suffer or be unhappy but I'm suffering and unhappy with the cat. She's lovely, adorable, affectionate and VERY cute, but why should I suffer for a cat?

I just wish I had of said no and then this wouldn't be an issue. I appreciate the advice guys, and be assured I won't do anything nasty to the cat like kick her out in the middle of nowhere or dump her back into a cage, but I need to do something. I put her plate down (she won't eat from a bowl) she doesn't eat much so I end up throwing loads out, she pushes it on the floor and everwhhere so it sticks to the floor, I can't mop the floor every day.

I dunno what to do.
R

MsFifers

I don't get why some of these problems are such a big deal for you, tbh.

Why can't you give the floor a quick wipe just after she spills her food?
Could you get a proper pet bowl so she won't spill in the first place?
There are dry foods designed for cats with sensitive stomachs.

I suspect your allergy is the real reason you are so irritated with the cat. You definitely shouldn't be made miserable by your pet, but it sounds like you are being very defeatist and haven't tried to solve your problems with the cat, and instead are just getting angry about the situation.

Be proactive! Look at your options.

If you can't fix your allergy (like hovering/mopping every day for eg. It only needs to take 10 mins) then maybe you should look at rehoming her.

ISDW

I'm a bit confused by some of your posts.

You say the cat is really affectionate, then you say she tries to claw your eyes everytime you pick her up.

Is there a specific reason why you can't mop the floor every day? You said you're a bit OCD about hygiene, well then I can't see the problem about giving a floor a quick wipe over every day.

Definitely cut down on the amount of food, thats very easy, then you won't have remains smelling in the conservatory. Trust me, if she's hungry, she'll eat out of a bowl, just give her the food in a cat bowl and she'll be fine.

I'm sorry, but from your posts it sounds as though you never wanted this cat, the fact that you hate the fact that you can't go on holiday without considering her etc, etc, etc. If we're picking up on your hatred of the cat on here, theres no doubt she's picking up on it in the home, which is obviously making her more stressed, which explains a lot of her behaviour.

It may be better for the cat if you did rehome her, somewhere that she was wanted and so didn't feel so stressed.

RossFixxxed

You're right MsFifers. I am being lazy. I dont' want a cat, I don't want to clean up after one. And the allergy is driving me mad, as is not getting proper sleep every single night of the week. There is nowhere we can lock her as the bedroom door is one of the few we can actually close in our house (it's a rental).

I just wish beyond belief we hadn't got her because it would be so unfair to throw her back in a cage in the DSPCA.

I'm obsessive with cleaning as my OH will attest to but I'm getting more and more disinclined as it is jsut becoming a pain and the cleaning further flares up allergies.


Does anyone want a new cat?

herya

Look if you're allergic to cats there is no point in keeping her near you. Your OH will have to choose between you and the cat...

Other issues you have with her are not so important compared to this but I think you're in the wrong here and you haven't given the cat a chance. Which on the other hand is understandable as it wasn't you who wanted her in the first place.

You have a valid excuse of not being able to live with a cat due to your allergy - use it and find her a good and loving home.

RossFixxxed

It's a bad time of year for me tbh, a lot of bad memories surfacing. So perhaps the best thing to do is go home tonight, clear out everything that might smell, mop and hoover the beejesus out of the place and see if there is some sensible way to manage the cat.

I appreciate the advice everyone has given here. I just wanted the OH to be happy and I know she loves cats, I was trying to do the good thing. But I'll have to figure a way to coexist with this thing if I can. If the allergy flares up badly again then I have no choice. I much prefer a nice clean animal free house to be honest. I also think keeping a cat cooped up is very unfair, but if she won't go out I can't do much.

Anyone thinking of getting a pet beware! Do put a LOT more research into it and think it through a lot better than I have. It's a terrible thing to return one of these poor creatures to a little cage in the DSPCA (who do a great job don't get me wrong).

Sigh. I should have thought this through better. Or been more honest and said no. I was too eager to please and be the wonderful boyfriend. Now I just look like a total you know what.

Regards
r

MsFifers

LOL! Well we aren't here to give relationship advice, but maybe you should let your OH know how much it is bothering you. Maybe she'll take on more of the responsibility/cleaning etc. If it was all her idea, then it would only be fair that she takes on most of the work.

herya

RossFixxxed wrote: »

I also think keeping a cat cooped up is very unfair, but if she won't go out I can't do much.

Don't worry about this, I bet she prefers being "cooped up" to sitting in a cage!

Ask your girlfriend to take the cat outside and brush her very thoroughly every other day or so. It will reduce the amount of loose hair and possibly help with your allergy. Also for the same reason check if you can bathe the cat. Some cats won't go near water (majority of them!) but some love being washed.

RossFixxxed

All great advice.

I guess the sensible thing is say no first, then there isn't the issue. Just as a BTW it's not a big argument or anything, just a real concern for me, and just giving the reasons I have the cat in the first place.

As I say she is a lovely little critter, I just don't want her in my house. I know it's selfish, I know it's not a good attitude, not a big animal person thing to say. I know the cat isn't out to cause any damage/harm... I just want the house to be ours and I want there to be NO litters, no smelly food, no hair, no scratching or anything.

I fell terrible saying all this to be honest, and I feel guilty for saying it... Arrgh.

Sigma Force

Lets take a few steps back.

If you adopted from the DSPCA then (correct me if I'm wrong) you are under obligation to return the cat to them if it's not working out and if you signed a contract to say that then I think it may be legally binding.

Cats, not matter how good, can get very stressed when in a new home it takes a long time for them to settle in.

I am disgusted at how many people are suggesting just to chuck the cat outside because it's causing problems. There are cars, dogs and some very cruel individuals who can all come in contact with the cat.

That's it adopt a cat and when it annoys you just leave it to roam freely around to get hit by a car at night that'll solve all the behavioural problems the cat has never mind the fact that the animal is obviously stressed and possibly lonley for human or other cat company.

Give the cat back to the DSPCA sounds like the cat would be better off there for a while until the right home is found you are not ready to put the time and effort in that the cat needs, that is not a jibe at you it's understandable that between the allergies and everything else you simply made a mistake.

You will be doing the cat a favour by returning it to the rescue (I take it they won't put the cat to sleep?) explain clearly to the rescue what the problems are so they can deal with the cat and get it into a foster home perhaps.
They may not of been aware of the problems because they have a more controlled environment but once any pet gets into a home they can react differently.

hadook

Did the DSPCA give you a medical reason to keep feeding her wet food? I'm curious as you mentioned that the vet gave her a clean bill of health - did you mention the pure wet food diet then?

If she absolutely has to be fed wet food what one are you feeding? Supermarket brands smell like poo IMO so the only wet food mine get is the really good stuff like Applaws etc and that cuts down on the smell significantly.

RossFixxxed

I didn't sign any forms. My GF said she wanted to look for a cat and Bam same day there's one there...

I had NO idea I had allergies.
I had NO idea cats don't go out all night hunting around (we've a golf course and loads of space out the back)
I had NO idea they claw under the carpet all night trying to get into the bedroom and wreck the place.
I had NO idea their wet food smelled like death.
I had NO idea how one would look after a cat.


I know I sound like an idiot, when it comes to this I AM. I just had stupid assumptions. I didn't realise cats were so fussy, all my neighbours ones just ramble around all day hunting and chilling out under the hedges...

I want her to get out more sure, but have always strictly supervised her. All she does is hiss and attack other cats. The DSPCA told me she was great with other cats.

I dunno, as I say she's very cute, and very affectionate, she's also smelly, extremely annoying, wrecking the house, moody and causing my face to look like i've been bobbing for apples in chip fat.

I guess I'm not a cat person. And i'm a bit OCD about hygeine.

I used to love my little house with my gf, now it's just that smelly tip that I feel dirty in no matter how much I clean the place. There has to be some way of cleaning it and settling this, maybe cleaning 4 or 5 hours a day might shift it. Spraying her with water when she scratches the (now wrecked) carpet under the bedroom door might be an idea too. I dunno...

I can't win on this one at all.

Emotionally (and for some very serious reasons I'd rather not bring up in my profile) I'm not equipped to care for a little life. I did before and it haunts me every night.

Ah sorry this has gone OT.

cbreeze

[apologies if this post appears twice - i hit a key and my incomplete message might have gone]

A couple of ideas:

1. The OP is allergic to cats or some of their by-products (hair, dander, urine)
2. The cat is stressed. As it is old it may have been in one home since kittenhood - getting used to a new layout is stressful.
3. Also, cats are territorial - they will mark their territory with urine. The incursion to the bedroom is an element of this. The previous owner may have permitted this.
4. Cats are two-faced. Our neighbour's cat was the most affectionate creature and would love to visit our house and sit on anyone's lap and purr, but when we wanted him to go home we had to put on leather gardening gloves because he would dig teeth and claws into any exposed part he could bite - one day I thought it would be ok to just pull my sweatshirt down over my hands but he bit through it and I had to go to the doctor for anti-biotics because my arm swelled up to twice its size.
5. If a cat could talk it would lie to you.
6. Only thing the OP can do is restrict the creature's territory to what the OP decides and show it who is the boss - at the moment the cat seems to be in charge! The cat's litter tray should not be near its food or bed.
7. If none of this works, cat will, unfortunately have to go. If OP still needs a moggy, a kitten will probably be better because the ground rules can be set in advance.

20goto10

The cat is obviously going to have issues considering its background. You've basically taken in the cat equivalent of an out of control teenager with serious authority issues!!

herya

20goto10 wrote: »

The cat is obviously going to have issues considering its background. You've basically taken in the cat equivalent of an out of control teenager with serious authority issues!!

I don't think it's about the cat; I don't think the OP would be happy with a different cat. Some people are just not compatible with cats and I guess that's the case here.