BF used to do drugs

LegacyUser

I started going out with a new guy about 6 months ago. He's very sweet, gentle, kind etc but one thing is bothering me. He used to do a lot of drugs - smoked joints for years and did Class A drugs (pills, coke etc) for 3+ years. I'm very uncomfortable with this as I've never gone near drugs and was wary of the type of person who needed to do them to have a good time. I don't like to think of him doing them. He's been off them for a few years now and says he wouldn't do them again. Is it just a thing he got out of his system or is he likely to be tempted by them again?

Monkey61

Okay I know the drugs issue really splits people into two camps, but personally I don't think having a history of using recreational drugs is a bad thing. There are far worse things in the world.

I, along with most of my friends, spent a couple of years doing the drug thing - not because there was anything wrong with us, but because it was a fun and lovely experience for us and far less dangerous than drinking. I have seen far more harm caused by alcohol than from a couple of pills or lines.

Because of the scaremongering that takes place in the media and school I know a lot of people are very anti drugs, without really knowing anything about them and it is very easy then to harshly judge those who have enjoyed them.

Recreational drug use tends to be a phase that people go through at a certain time in their lives and they eventually grow out of it once the novelty wears off. If he hasn't done them in years and has no desire to then I really don't think you have anything to worry about. People get up to all sorts in their younger years that they would never do again..I'm sure there were tastes and habits that you had a couple of years ago that you wouldn't be interested in now. So basically don't worry!

dceire

Monkey61 wrote: »

Okay I know the drugs issue really splits people into two camps, but personally I don't think having a history of using recreational drugs is a bad thing. There are far worse things in the world.

Far worse things in the world...really? Like what?

Drugs are despicable on every possible level. From their growth, production right through to their end affect on the user. Extortion, pollution, murder are just three by-products of drugs, look at Peru's cocaine producing valleys in the High Andes and see how it affects the local farmers on the ground level of production. This then goes right the way up to the gangland murders we see on a weekly basis and the affect it has on users and their families.

Now I'm not suggesting that this guy is to blame or anything, because that's just plain crazy, but don't play down what he's involved in here.

DarkJager

dceire wrote: »

Far worse things in the world...really? Like what?

Drugs are despicable on every possible level. From their growth, production right through to their end affect on the user. Extortion, pollution, murder are just three by-products of drugs, look at Peru's cocaine producing valleys in the High Andes and see how it affects the local farmers on the ground level of production. This then goes right the way up to the gangland murders we see on a weekly basis and the affect it has on users and their families.

Now I'm not suggesting that this guy is to blame or anything, because that's just plain crazy, but don't play down what he's involved in here.

No sure just make a big fuss out of the drugs issue as usual. Christ, some people really don't have a clue. Please spare us all the usual ill informed and grossly misguided anti drug talk.

OP, what is it your business what he used to do? None at all. So leave it at that.

seanybiker

A lot of people go throught the drugs phase in their lives. Alot of people dont. Your other half gave em up years ago, give him a chance. At least he told ya and didnt hide it from ya.
I tried a little bit of this and that, didnt like the "buzz" or "bang" at all. The odd smoke (very rarely) and I be grand. I be grand without it also.
I know a few people over the years who where mad into the majority of drugs going and some are grand, you wouldnt even think ot look at them they ever farted in public, others are just messed up and sadly probably are gonna be till they die.

[Jackass]

Meh, to be honest some people dabble in drugs when they're in their teens to early 20's. Some go deeper than others. As long as it was only ever a social thing and they have grown out of it I don't see any problem with it at all. There are many faces to drug users, you'd be surprised how many people in, for example, work would have or do take drugs such as pills, coke etc.

Terodil

I personally hate drugs and find them sad more than anything, but I agree with the people here saying you should respect him for his honesty and give him a chance.

That said, you should also make sure that he hasn't caught any diseases with his activities. Have him do an HIV test.

Otis Driftwood

drugfear wrote: »

He used to

Whats the problem?
He isnt doing them anymore,is treating you well and by your admission

He's very sweet, gentle, kind etc

Its in the past so you should try and stop over analysing things.If it continues then you WILL jeprodise your relationship.

dceire

DarkJager wrote: »

No sure just make a big fuss out of the drugs issue as usual. Christ, some people really don't have a clue. Please spare us all the usual ill informed and grossly misguided anti drug talk.

OP, what is it your business what he used to do? None at all. So leave it at that.

I'm the one who's miss informed here! How exactly is this ill informed? I'm not saying all drug are bad full stop. What I am saying is a lot of drugs cause pain, hardship and death at all levels and while i accept that this guy was probably just thinking that he is having a good time with them, it is something that the OP and many other people see as a serious problem.

Also I dont think that she's incredibly concerned about what he has done in the past but rather what he might do again in the future!
Personally I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt if he says he finished with them.

zoos

oh god forbid someone tried drugs... he just grew out of them, that doesnt mean he didnt have the best times on them!

Fair enough if you dont want to try them. But If you boyfriend did them what can you do to change that? I am nearly 100% he enjoyed it and wouldnt change that. So just leave him be. He had his laughs, but obviously likes you and wants to be with you now.

There is nothing to read into. Just enjoy your relationship now. just know that he likes his time with you.

LegacyUser

That said, you should also make sure that he hasn't caught any diseases with his activities. Have him do an HIV test.

Huh? He was doing pills and coke, not heroin. Anyway as it happens, he did have an HIV test for a job overseas and he doesn't have it. Also vaccinated against Hep B.

amcalester

dceire wrote: »

I'm the one who's miss informed here! How exactly is this ill informed? I'm not saying all drug are bad full stop. What I am saying is a lot of drugs cause pain, hardship and death at all levels and while i accept that this guy was probably just thinking that he is having a good time with them, it is something that the OP and many other people see as a serious problem.

Also I dont think that she's incredibly concerned about what he has done in the past but rather what he might do again in the future!

A lot of coffee, tea, diamonds, oil, clothes making etc causes people hardships and pain but the question here is whether or not the op should stay with her partner after she found out he used to take certain drugs.

Everyone has baggage and while it wouldn't bother me if my partner used to dabble in dugs (I've been known to dabble myself from time to time) I can see how it could bother some people. Just because he used to take drugs doesnt make him a bad person, he is still the same sweet kind gentle etc person that he was before you found out he took drugs.

And perhaps (and I may be lynched for saying this) the fact that he has taken drugs has contributed to his current persona that you find so attractive.

LegacyUser

drugs smughs!!!! I was one of these anti drugs people for years...never touched them but practically every single person i knew was on them weekly. I was the fool going out and spending 150 euro on drink thinking I was having a great time and all the others spending a fiver on a pill and having a better time. After about 3 years of turning down offers of drugs one night I just said "f*ck it, lets see what all the fuss is about". I did them for about a year after just recreationaly but havent done anything in the last year and a half or so...I grew out of it.

I now work in a very proffesional office job and most people I work with have dabbled in drugs in their early 20's, nearly every one of my friends have dabbled in drugs in their early 20's, most girlfriends I have had or my friends have had have dabbled in drugs in their early 20's. I would say alot more people than you think are out there every night of the week taking something or other, even your friends OP but they probably wont tell you if they know how anti drugs you are. I had a friend that was extremly anti drugs and we all managed to keep it from him that any of us took drugs.

I wouldnt worry about the fact your boyfriend has taken drugs in the past. Im a perfectly normal, respectable nice guy and Im sure your boyfriend is too. Its not that big a deal.

DarkJager

Terodil wrote: »

I personally hate drugs and find them sad more than anything, but I agree with the people here saying you should respect him for his honesty and give him a chance.

That said, you should also make sure that he hasn't caught any diseases with his activities. Have him do an HIV test.

Are you for real?? HIV off smoking joints or taking a bit of coke or pills?? Perfect example of someone who doesn't have a clue about drugs.

cornbb

A lot of people need to get over their predjudices here. Even if you are anti-drugs, or just plain don't know anything about drugs, why should the fact that somebody took them in the past be an issue? Taking drugs doesn't make someone a bad person. Most people who take recreational drugs just get bored with them and grow out of them. Just be thankful that the guy isn't one of the unlucky few who isn't still stuck on them years later, do yourself a favour and assess him based on the person he is today and not on something he did years ago.

dceire

amcalester wrote: »

A lot of coffee, tea, diamonds, oil, clothes making etc causes people hardships and pain but the question here is whether or not the op should stay with her partner after she found out he used to take certain drugs.

Everyone has baggage and while it wouldn't bother me if my partner used to dabble in dugs (I've been known to dabble myself from time to time) I can see how it could bother some people. Just because he used to take drugs doesnt make him a bad person, he is still the same sweet kind gentle etc person that he was before you found out he took drugs.

And perhaps (and I may be lynched for saying this) the fact that he has taken drugs has contributed to his current persona that you find so attractive.

I agree with you totally and fear that i may have strayed on a bit of a rant. I have dabbled in the past with some weed and see no harm in such drugs, it was from my mates home grown stash i might add.

Again my advice is to take him at face value, if he says he's finished with drugs there's no problem.

tman

Terodil wrote: »

That said, you should also make sure that he hasn't caught any diseases with his activities. Have him do an HIV test.

Not sure how necessary that would be, he was just using recreational drugs, not shooting up ffs!

You should be judging the person they are now OP, not the person they were when they went through their late teens/early 20s experimentation phase... They were some of the best years of my life tbh, but I'm over that kind of stuff now and I'm sure your BF is as well...
If it still bothers you that much, talk to him about it!

Jack Sheehan

As long as he has never used drugs Intravenously there is no risk of HIV. On the other issue, he says hes been off drugs for years now. Does he show any signs of doing drugs? Do you not believe him? If he really is off drugs then I see no issue. Everyone experiments, everyone does stupid ****, but it's all in the past.

dceire

DarkJager wrote: »

Perfect example of someone who doesn't have a clue about drugs.

Is this all you have to add to this thread? The OP wants advice on her situation with her bf not how much you know about drugs!

MIN2511

Your bf experimented with drugs when he was young, it's not an excuse but as long as he's not on drugs now why do you care?

You are judging him based on his past and it's not fair, as long as you were not in the picture and it's HIS past not yours it shouldn't concern you.

lolli

Its in the past so leave it there.

Lots of people do things in their youth that they arent proud of, some people give into the curiosity of drugs others don't. We all change and we all have a past.

Mmmm_Lemony

Terodil wrote: »

I personally hate drugs and find them sad more than anything, but I agree with the people here saying you should respect him for his honesty and give him a chance.

That said, you should also make sure that he hasn't caught any diseases with his activities. Have him do an HIV test.

This is a joke right?

drugfear wrote: »

I started going out with a new guy about 6 months ago. He's very sweet, gentle, kind etc but one thing is bothering me. He used to do a lot of drugs - smoked joints for years and did Class A drugs (pills, coke etc) for 3+ years. I'm very uncomfortable with this as I've never gone near drugs and was wary of the type of person who needed to do them to have a good time. I don't like to think of him doing them. He's been off them for a few years now and says he wouldn't do them again. Is it just a thing he got out of his system or is he likely to be tempted by them again?

I was part of a large group of friends in my early to late teens, some tried light stuff like weed, and others tried harder stuff like coke and pills etc. and som stayed clear of anything at all... All have turned out fine, successful careers and upstanding citizens...

Its likely that the group of friends you grew up with were not exposed to drugs, and just because he has dabbled in the past doesn't mean he will in the future, IMHO the majority of kids have tried one form or another... Gaurds, doctors, solicitors and thieves alike...

John Mason

seriously, you need to grow up a bit.

its not like he said, yeah i used to be a serial killer a few years ago but i have given it all up now

i had some class a fun in my twenties but havent touched anything in years and i am a completely respectful member of society

TheZohanS

drugfear wrote: »

He used to do a lot of drugs

He's been off them for a few years now and says he wouldn't do them again. Is it just a thing he got out of his system or is he likely to be tempted by them again?

I'm sure your b/f used to be single too before he met you, but it certainly doesn't mean if he sees another girl he will go off with her!

If he's been of drugs for a few years it's unlikely, but not impossible, that he'll touch them again. Lot's of people dabble when they're younger and some stay dabbling, your b/f sounds like someone that dabbled and then left it behind.

If he's told you that he won't touch them again you are just going to have to believe him. It's called trust.

mikemac

Recreational drugs OP, you need to relax a bit.

Hey most people use drugs, legal or illegal.
I had to lol at the AA meetings who visited our hotel, their members were off alcohol but smoked constantly and were shaking from all the coffee they drank.
Alcohol is terrible but filling yourself with nicotine and caffeine is fine?

Back to you OP, once this is the past and there are no legal issues, what's the problem. Sure you've done illegal things before you meet this guy, we all have

Terodil

You never know. And DarkJager, stop ad hominem insults. It doesn't lend any more credibility to your position, only shows that you cannot make points without losing your temper.

The point I wanted to make is: The limit between 'recreational drugs' (lolwtf, but that's another issue) and harder stuff can be very gradual. Perhaps he did try harder stuff as well and didn't tell you?

It's definitely not a mistake to err on the side of caution.
It is a mistake to be stupid or careless.

df1985

i wouldnt wory about it OP,as said if its in the past leave it there.

and theres no need to ask him to have a hiv test.thats just ridiculous.if he was a past heroin user you'd know already.coke/pills or whatever-no risk of hiv as im sure you already know!

Monkey61

Terodil wrote: »

You never know.
The point I wanted to make is: The limit between 'recreational drugs and harder stuff can be very gradual. Perhaps he did try harder stuff as well and didn't tell you?

I'm sorry but that is ridiculous school drugs lectures scaremongering at it's worst. The limit between a couple of pills and lines and shooting up heroin (which is what I presume you are implying) is not as flimsy as you are trying to make out.

It is highly unlikely that your average recreational drug user has used heroin!

Terodil

Monkey61 wrote: »

I'm sorry but that is ridiculous school drugs lectures scaremongering at it's worst. The limit between a couple of pills and lines and shooting up heroin (which is what I presume you are implying) is not as flimsy as you are trying to make out.

It is highly unlikely that your average recreational drug user has used heroin!

... still it's much more likely for members of that group to also use harder drugs than for non-drug-users. Statistic fact, and actually so accessible to simple logic that a 5yo could explain it stringently.

Recall that I suggested the OP to give him a chance. Now I only find it reasonable to also suggest caution due to the fact above. It's not reasonable to shut your eyes, ears and mind to facts and simply repeat some mantra for fear of getting too close to your own history.

Kenno90

drugfear wrote: »

I started going out with a new guy about 6 months ago. He's very sweet, gentle, kind etc but one thing is bothering me. He used to do a lot of drugs - smoked joints for years and did Class A drugs (pills, coke etc) for 3+ years. I'm very uncomfortable with this as I've never gone near drugs and was wary of the type of person who needed to do them to have a good time. I don't like to think of him doing them. He's been off them for a few years now and says he wouldn't do them again. Is it just a thing he got out of his system or is he likely to be tempted by them again?

first try not to think what he's done , try to focus on the fact that he's off them now , a good few people use drugs when there young and a majority stop after grow out of it , looks like you BF did the same thing

missingtime

Might have been said already but would you judge him if he used to have a drinking problem?

dcukhunter

More than likely there is nothing to worry about op. I used to do a lot of differant drugs when I was younger and I had a great time doing so, I would not change any of it. However would I want to do it all again the simple answer is no. Things change my priorties are differant now instead of just looking for a good night out you start to think more long term.

Give him a chance he was honest and open with you which must mean he see's a future for the two off ye and he wants you to know all the good and bad points.

Anyway good luck op and I hope you can see past this and the two off ye are very happy together.

Zaph

dceire wrote: »

Is this all you have to add to this thread? The OP wants advice on her situation with her bf not how much you know about drugs!

dceire, kindly leave the moderation of this forum to the mods. If you have a problem please use the report post button rather than responding to it on-thread.

LegacyUser

drugfear wrote: »

I'm very uncomfortable with this as I've never gone near drugs and was wary of the type of person who needed to do them to have a good time.

This line has puzzled and infuriated me OP... Unless of course you abstain from alcohol in which case you can say it without being a hypocrite?



Anyways, here's my take on drugs.. I don't think you should worry at all about your boyfriends past. I'm the same as him and would be disappointed if someone held it against me.

I came out of college last year and went through a bender of a summer on pills and acid 2/3 times a week. Now, I'm working as an accountant, don't go out during the weeks and enjoy a few drinks at the weekend with workmates / friends and lead a fairly standard life. You'd never think I was one of these "druggies" cause well I'm not. It's only an alternative to alcohol.


Check the links below OP, educate yourself about what your boyfriend was taking.. Learn about it instead of doing what 90% of people do which is immediately hate. Drugs are all around us, all our parents are on anti-depressants, we all drink coffee to keep us awake, some of us smoke.. The difference with Class A drugs is that they're illegal.

http://www.urban75.com/Drugs/index.html
Good unbiased info on different drugs.

http://www.dimaggio.org/images/Eye%20Openers/DrugChart.gif
British Health system's Chart on how dangerous drugs are compared to one another.


Duno where I went with that post, it was rather badly written looking back on it... But some good info there aswell on urban 75. Anyways OP, my advice would be not to worry.. It's a faze that alot of people go through, a surprisingly high amount actually but that's all. If he hasn't done anything in years, there's no harm. Anyways, I'm gonna go log back into my regular posting account,

Chucky the tree

drugfear wrote: »

I started going out with a new guy about 6 months ago. He's very sweet, gentle, kind etc but one thing is bothering me. He used to do a lot of drugs - smoked joints for years and did Class A drugs (pills, coke etc) for 3+ years. I'm very uncomfortable with this as I've never gone near drugs and was wary of the type of person who needed to do them to have a good time. I don't like to think of him doing them. He's been off them for a few years now and says he wouldn't do them again. Is it just a thing he got out of his system or is he likely to be tempted by them again?

I'd say if your boyfriend said he used to drink pints heavily at the weekend you'd wouldnt care and would problem join in with him.

LegacyUser

I used drugs in the past, about 90% of my friends did, so my boss and ex boyfriend who's now a guard. About 95% of people seem to outgrow it, quite possibly more to be honest as right now I can only think of one people in my circle for the last twenty years who 'turned junkie' and he was troubled to begin with. Sorry, anti-drugs people, but that is a fact. However I've had no interest in drugs for years and years, just like my peers. I'd say your boyfriend is actually fine OP, people tend to outgrow drugs when they get busy with the demands of life - jobs and all that.

NickNolte

Terodil wrote: »

... still it's much more likely for members of that group to also use harder drugs than for non-drug-users. Statistic fact

How is 'much more likely' a statistic exactly? It's the same as saying that people who have a driving licence are 'much more likely' to drive a Ford than people who don't drive. It's just an argument you've heard in some Christian anti-drug campaign and decided to rattle off to bolster your flimsy and prejudiced argument.

Are recreational drugs users more likely to graduate to harder drugs like heroin than non-drug users? Of course they are. But they're in such a miniscule minority that asking the OP to get her boyfriend to go for a HIV test is nothing more than reactionary scaremongering and digusting ignorance. You should be ashamed of yourself for giving out information on a topic you know absolutely nothing about.

OP - I'd advise you to just not think about it. It's not a bad deal to be perfectly honest. Believe it or not, there is such thing as responsible recreational drug-taking just as there is responsible recreational drinking. People aren't always responsible of course but, ultimately getting pissed isn't a whole lot different to getting high.

I'm assuming you're well into your 20's by now. I'd imagine, like most, your boyfriend's over the novelty now, is wiser for the experience and has no desire to dabble again.

Suaimhneach

It's in his past. You're in his future. The only thing I would say, is if the relationship does continue for another year, and then another year, at some stage, dont forget to mention that is something you will never tolerate. Be clear about what you want, together, in the future and if he's never going to do drugs again then there is no problem. And if he was ever going to consider taking them, he'll now take you and this relationship into consideration.

Best of luck.

doncarlos

Terodil wrote: »

... still it's much more likely for members of that group to also use harder drugs than for non-drug-users. Statistic fact, and actually so accessible to simple logic that a 5yo could explain it stringently.

By that logic it's statistic fact that most heroin addicts are also smokers, so should smokers be asked to get a HIV test too just in case?

Dragan

drugfear wrote: »

I started going out with a new guy about 6 months ago. He's very sweet, gentle, kind etc but one thing is bothering me. He used to do a lot of drugs - smoked joints for years and did Class A drugs (pills, coke etc) for 3+ years. I'm very uncomfortable with this as I've never gone near drugs and was wary of the type of person who needed to do them to have a good time. I don't like to think of him doing them. He's been off them for a few years now and says he wouldn't do them again. Is it just a thing he got out of his system or is he likely to be tempted by them again?

Yeah, i would be really worried if my partner felt comfortable with me, and safe in the knowledge that i wouldn't judge them, to open up about their past and be completely honest about the person he used to be.

With absolutely no offence intended, you said yourself you have never been near drugs, have preformed opinions on the people who do them...so you basically haven't a clue about drugs, their affects or the type of people that do them.

Some casual use of drugs does not make you an addict who needs to go back onto them. Many, many people will experiment for a few years and give up and never return to them. They did their experimenting and moved into a place in their life that they felt the drugs don't suit and stop.

You need to bare in mind that your fella was willing to tell you this stuff, so that you know who he is now and who he was then.

LegacyUser

Monkey61 wrote: »

Okay I know the drugs issue really splits people into two camps, but personally I don't think having a history of using recreational drugs is a bad thing. There are far worse things in the world.

I, along with most of my friends, spent a couple of years doing the drug thing - not because there was anything wrong with us, but because it was a fun and lovely experience for us and far less dangerous than drinking. I have seen far more harm caused by alcohol than from a couple of pills or lines.

Because of the scaremongering that takes place in the media and school I know a lot of people are very anti drugs, without really knowing anything about them and it is very easy then to harshly judge those who have enjoyed them.

Recreational drug use tends to be a phase that people go through at a certain time in their lives and they eventually grow out of it once the novelty wears off. If he hasn't done them in years and has no desire to then I really don't think you have anything to worry about. People get up to all sorts in their younger years that they would never do again..I'm sure there were tastes and habits that you had a couple of years ago that you wouldn't be interested in now. So basically don't worry!

Really? Drink worse than a few lines? Are you for real? Im in a similar position to the OP and to be honest plays on my mind a bit as the girlfriend used to do coke for 2years as a bit of "fun". She ended up in hospital after entering cardiac arrest not from overdosing but from what the coke was cut with. She ended up being saved by the staff in hospital in Cork. The coke was cut with speed, ecstasy, crushed glass among other things and she snorted a speed bal.

Have you ever considered the fall out also from drug abuse? Flash backs that drug free users experience or the intense councelling sessions some people have to go through, familys seeing the loved ones battle with an drug addiction.


Personally I would love to see the punishment they hand out to convicted drug dealers in the middle east or certain parts of asia.... capital punishment but will never happed in the western world. I suppose we can live in hope that hopefully in the future they with be given a worthwhile custodial sentence rather than the few years they get currently.

r3nu4l

DarkJager wrote: »

Are you for real?? HIV off smoking joints or taking a bit of coke or pills?? Perfect example of someone who doesn't have a clue about drugs.

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

As long as he has never used drugs Intravenously there is no risk of HIV.

Wrong and wrong. Sorry folks but I've worked with AIDS victims in the past and know two who got HIV from their sexual activity while under the influence of drugs, not through intravenous drug use but by virtue of the fact that they simply didn't use contraception and slept with someone who had HIV. One guy admitted he should have known better because the guy he shagged was an IV drug user (heroin). :rolleyes: The other guy said that he just wasn't thinking straight and felt 'loved up', sure it could easily have happened on alcohol too but in his case it was drugs and we all know of one particular tab that can make people feel loved up.

Anything that alters your mind and lowers inhibitions has the potential to cause you problems. So if he admits to shagging anyone while on pills and can't really remember if he used a condom or not then he may need an STI test (HIV included but also chlamydia...he'd probably know if he had syphilis or others ).

What your bf did was done in the past. If he has absolutely no intention of ever doing drugs again then that's fine, if he's finding it hard to stay away however then you may need to rethink your situation. Is he still hanging out with druggies? If so, then he may need watching.

Terodil

NickNolte wrote: »

How is 'much more likely' a statistic exactly? It's the same as saying that people who have a driving licence are 'much more likely' to drive a Ford than people who don't drive.

Exactly. That's just my point, thank you for underlining the concept of combined probabilities.

NickNolte wrote: »

It's just an argument you've heard in some Christian anti-drug campaign and decided to rattle off to bolster your flimsy and prejudiced argument.

I'm actually laughing at this part, I wonder what perceived need pushes you to writing this. Especially since I'm not Christian at all and cold probabilities have absolutely J* sh* to do with belief systems or prejudices. I'll graciously skip the rest of your frothing comments, even though I cannot deny being amused at some of them ('disgusting ignorance').

Tests have never killed anybody.
Ignorance has.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Really? Drink worse than a few lines? Are you for real? Im in a similar position to the OP and to be honest plays on my mind a bit as the girlfriend used to do coke for 2years as a bit of "fun". She ended up in hospital after entering cardiac arrest not from overdosing but from what the coke was cut with. She ended up being saved by the staff in hospital in Cork. The coke was cut with speed, ecstasy, crushed glass among other things and she snorted a speed bal.

Have you ever considered the fall out also from drug abuse? Flash backs that drug free users experience or the intense councelling sessions some people have to go through, familys seeing the loved ones battle with an drug addiction.


Personally I would love to see the punishment they hand out to convicted drug dealers in the middle east or certain parts of asia.... capital punishment but will never happed in the western world. I suppose we can live in hope that hopefully in the future they with be given a worthwhile custodial sentence rather than the few years they get currently.

this fall out from drug abuse? not at the level OP's boyfriend was at.. or any regular people who do it recreationally.. i know so many people who've taken drugs habitually and none of them have any long term bad effects.. coke, pills, speed and weed are nothing if only taken now and then

Dudess

drugfear wrote: »

I started going out with a new guy about 6 months ago. He's very sweet, gentle, kind etc

Sounds like a keeper - best wishes with it.

but one thing is bothering me. He used to do a lot of drugs - smoked joints for years and did Class A drugs (pills, coke etc) for 3+ years. I'm very uncomfortable with this as I've never gone near drugs

Some people assume that anyone who uses drugs is a scumbag - nothing could be further from the truth. You mention you never went near them - is this the problem? The fact that he's experienced something you haven't? Sometimes we fear what's out of the ordinary to us. Perhaps you don't like the idea of him associating with drug-dealers and this compromises how nice and gentle etc he is. Take no notice of how drug-takers are portrayed on TV - most of the time, it's not a dark, sinister, dangerous world at all. A lot of drug dealers are geeky students trying to finance their college partying.

and was wary of the type of person who needed to do them to have a good time.

What type of person do you think that is? To me, a person who needs/wants a substance to have a good time is an ordinary, "normal" person - like a person who drinks (i.e. most of us).

He's been off them for a few years now and says he wouldn't do them again. Is it just a thing he got out of his system or is he likely to be tempted by them again?

As said, most people just grow out of them - however, that doesn't mean they won't indulge every few months on special occasions (like birthdays, engagements, music festivals, housewarmings, yep - even weddings) and your new guy may not be exempt from that, but that doesn't mean "oh they've lapsed back into their old habits!" Taking drugs doesn't make you a drug addict or incapable of leading a good life. The mad benders a few nights a week, every week, are just a temporary thing in the vast majority of cases... having the odd line or whatever at a friend's engagement party is not reverting back to the crazy days.

dceire wrote: »

Far worse things in the world...really? Like what?

Murder? Rape? Torture? Genocide? Child abuse? Come on... no need for the melodrama.

Drugs are despicable on every possible level.

No they're not.

From their growth, production right through to their end affect on the user. Extortion, pollution, murder are just three by-products of drugs, look at Peru's cocaine producing valleys in the High Andes and see how it affects the local farmers on the ground level of production. This then goes right the way up to the gangland murders we see on a weekly basis and the affect it has on users and their families.

Ditto Coca Cola, coffee, clothing, sports footwear...

don't play down what he's involved in here.

Taking Es/cocaine in the past, having fun and leaving it at that, is no big deal.

Terodil wrote: »

I personally hate drugs and find them sad more than anything

Why? Why are they more sad than alcohol?

Terodil wrote: »

'recreational drugs' (lolwtf, but that's another issue)

They are recreational - as in, only done at weekends. If you've to take coke during work then yes, you've a problem, but most people don't touch the stuff until the weekend. Same can be applied to alcohol.

Perhaps he did try harder stuff as well and didn't tell you?

Why would he have? I know dozens of people - many of them very close friends - who have taken a lot of coke, speed, E, MDMA and they wouldn't go near heroin (it's not as if it would be easy for them to get it anyway) and most of them wouldn't touch acid/magic mushrooms either.

It's definitely not a mistake to err on the side of caution.
It is a mistake to be stupid or careless.

In relation to what? He took coke and E so he might have taken heroin? No offence but that is really caving in to the hysteria of the tabloid media.

Terodil wrote: »

It's not reasonable to shut your eyes, ears and mind to facts and simply repeat some mantra for fear of getting too close to your own history.

What facts? People who have taken drugs are far more knowledgeable on the issue tbh.

beth-lou

Unregistered wrote: »

Really? Drink worse than a few lines? Are you for real? Im in a similar position to the OP and to be honest plays on my mind a bit as the girlfriend used to do coke for 2years as a bit of "fun". She ended up in hospital after entering cardiac arrest not from overdosing but from what the coke was cut with. She ended up being saved by the staff in hospital in Cork. The coke was cut with speed, ecstasy, crushed glass among other things and she snorted a speed bal.

Have you ever considered the fall out also from drug abuse? Flash backs that drug free users experience or the intense councelling sessions some people have to go through, familys seeing the loved ones battle with an drug addiction.


Personally I would love to see the punishment they hand out to convicted drug dealers in the middle east or certain parts of asia.... capital punishment but will never happed in the western world. I suppose we can live in hope that hopefully in the future they with be given a worthwhile custodial sentence rather than the few years they get currently.

Your girlfriend sounds as though she may have been doing coke as a habit as opposed to recreational use. There is a difference and I've seen it first hand. Glad to hear she's alright, but speedballs are dangerous and I don't think I know anyone who did one.

Almost everyone I know has taken E or acid and smoked hash, mostly in their early 20's. A few went on to coke, most had a fleeting fancy with it, but ultimately got bored with it and the whole drug scene. I knew a few people who did move on to heroin, but that's is a huge leap from dropping an e and having a laugh to getting totally smashed and descending into serious drug addiction. There are different levels of drug use and 90% of people experiment for a while and grow out of it. A few get into it longer and deeper and some become addicts. Pretty much how the whole alcohol thing goes.

I did take drugs when in college like a lot of people. But I got bored with them eventually and just stopped. I'm now married with kids and have no interest in taking drugs now. Op trust your boyfriend unless he gives reason to do otherwise. You would be surprised at how many people have done them. I know Gardai, solicitors, doctors, dentists, nurses, teachers etc who have all tried drugs at some stage but wouldn't dream of doing them now. He was never a drug addict by the sounds of it, and I would believe that he grew out of it.

Best of luck.

Dudess

Unregistered wrote: »

Really? Drink worse than a few lines? Are you for real?

Person going out and getting so pissed they are violently sick and can't remember the night - every single weekend.
Person doing three lines at a house party every six weeks.
Yes, in this case, drink is far worse. Just because cocaine is illegal doesn't mean it's automatically more dangerous than alcohol. It all depends on how it's used.

the girlfriend used to do coke for 2years as a bit of "fun". She ended up in hospital after entering cardiac arrest not from overdosing but from what the coke was cut with. She ended up being saved by the staff in hospital in Cork. The coke was cut with speed, ecstasy, crushed glass among other things and she snorted a speed bal.

That was a very unfortunate situation but unusual and bound to cloud your view on drugs. It is not representative of what's typical - the vast majority of people who do coke on a Saturday night don't end up in this situation.
I could give examples of people ending up in A&E because of alcohol.
How do you mean she snorted a speed ball? As in, inadvertently?

Have you ever considered the fall out also from drug abuse? Flash backs that drug free users experience or the intense councelling sessions some people have to go through, familys seeing the loved ones battle with an drug addiction.

Again, not the norm - this does not apply to the vast, vast majority of people who use drugs. Drug use is not the same as drug abuse. Apply the same to alcohol - is every drinker an alcohol abuser? And aren't the consequences of alcohol abuse similarly devastating?

Personally I would love to see the punishment they hand out to convicted drug dealers in the middle east or certain parts of asia.... capital punishment but will never happed in the western world. I suppose we can live in hope that hopefully in the future they with be given a worthwhile custodial sentence rather than the few years they get currently.

What about publicans who have alcoholics drinking in their establishments? There is such a thing as personal responsibility. People choose to purchase drugs off these dealers. And if you're going to be a ****ing eejit in terms of how much drugs you take and how you take them - ditto alcohol - then really, the fault lies overwhelmingly with yourself (I'm speaking in general here - not just in relation to your girlfriend. I appreciate the cocaine she did that night was cut with dodgy stuff... although sniffing a speedball, if I read correctly what you said - nobody put a gun to her head to do that).
Again, I realise your personal circumstances make it difficult to see the bigger picture, but capital punishment for drug dealers? That's again symptomatic of out and out hysteria.

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

Sounds like a keeper - best wishes with it.

Some people assume that anyone who uses drugs is a scumbag - nothing could be further from the truth. You mention you never went near them - is this the problem? The fact that he's experienced something you haven't? Sometimes we fear what's out of the ordinary to us. Perhaps you don't like the idea of him associating with drug-dealers and this compromises how nice and gentle etc he is. Take no notice of how drug-takers are portrayed on TV - most of the time, it's not a dark, sinister, dangerous world at all. A lot of drug dealers are geeky students trying to finance their college partying.

What type of person do you think that is? To me, a person who needs/wants a substance to have a good time is an ordinary, "normal" person - like a person who drinks (i.e. most of us).

As said, most people just grow out of them - however, that doesn't mean they won't indulge every few months on special occasions (like birthdays, engagements, music festivals, housewarmings, yep - even weddings) and your new guy may not be exempt from that, but that doesn't mean "oh they've lapsed back into their old habits!" Taking drugs doesn't make you a drug addict or incapable of leading a good life. The mad benders a few nights a week, every week, are just a temporary thing in the vast majority of cases... having the odd line or whatever at a friend's engagement party is not reverting back to the crazy days.

Murder? Rape? Torture? Genocide? Child abuse? Come on... no need for the melodrama.

No they're not.

Ditto Coca Cola, coffee, clothing, sports footwear...

Taking Es/cocaine in the past, having fun and leaving it at that, is no big deal.

Why? Why are they more sad than alcohol?

They are recreational - as in, only done at weekends. If you've to take coke during work then yes, you've a problem, but most people don't touch the stuff until the weekend. Same can be applied to alcohol.

Why would he have? I know dozens of people - many of them very close friends - who have taken a lot of coke, speed, E, MDMA and they wouldn't go near heroin (it's not as if it would be easy for them to get it anyway) and most of them wouldn't touch acid/magic mushrooms either.

In relation to what? He took coke and E so he might have taken heroin? No offence but that is really caving in to the hysteria of the tabloid media.

What facts? People who have taken drugs are far more knowledgeable on the issue tbh.

Bravo. Everything I wanted to say about this case but couldn't get into words..

Dave!

What age are ye? Quite alot of people used drugs when they were younger. Most stop in their adulthood for various reasons. Evidentally your boyfriend is one of them. So what's the problem?

JC 2K3

Terodil wrote: »

... still it's much more likely for members of that group to also use harder drugs than for non-drug-users. Statistic fact, and actually so accessible to simple logic that a 5yo could explain it stringently.

Recall that I suggested the OP to give him a chance. Now I only find it reasonable to also suggest caution due to the fact above. It's not reasonable to shut your eyes, ears and mind to facts and simply repeat some mantra for fear of getting too close to your own history.

She could, ya know, just ask him if he's done any drugs intravenously, or if there's any chance he might have HIV or another STI for whatever reason. Relationships are based on trust, not ultimatums based on incorrect preconceived notions of what they were like in the past.

The advice I can offer to the OP is to relax, this isn't a big deal at all. Also, it might be hard to accept, but every piece of anti-drug information you've ever been told was full of myths and vast exaggeration. It might seem odd to hear this if you've never researched the real facts about drugs, experienced any drug besides alcohol or been exposed to a scene of people doing drugs casually, but it's the reality of the situation. What your boyfriend has done isn't much different to people who go on alcohol benders in their teens/early 20s.

MIN2511

This thread has been blown out of proportion, the OP should understand that no one is perfect everyone of us has a past, some may not be proud of and others simply don't care.
What makes a person is today, tomorrow and the future!