Just wondering......

LegacyUser

Hi, not sure if this belongs in PI but here goes. Went on a 1st date with a guy I met online 2 weeks ago. Wnt for dinner and got on great. Anyway we got the bil and i said we'd split it. It was a mutual meeting so fair is fair. Met for drinks at the weekend and bought every secon round But when it was his round he'd only buy a drink for me and made his 1 drink last for my 2. We were both drinking long necks. Though it a bit mean but said nothing! I mean what can u say in a situation like that.
So on to last night, he invited me for dinner and when the bill came, was 90 euro, he says right thats 45 each, had a 50 inhis hand and asked me had I change! I was stunned, but paid up! Anyway im by no ways mean and dont mind paying for food and wine BUT, I would expect when a man invites me out for dinner it would be nice if he paid, Just wondering what your thoughts are on this

Silverfish

He asks you out - he pays.

You ask him out - you pay.

You agree to split, you split.

He makes his drink last for your two - you hang back and match him.

Femelade

Its a tricky one..
everyone is different..

Me and my boyfriend usually spilt the bill, sometime he pays for it all though and other times i do..

The next time he asks you out for dinner, just tell him no, that you cant afford it, see what he says then..

thos

Ask him is he that selfish in the bedroom .... should make him change his tack pretty quick!!

LegacyUser

thats crap....it should be split, we are in a recession..im sure that guy has lots of experience of woman who just go out on dates once with the guy and never again. SO the woman gets a free meal and the guy is left empty handed.

I really believe that woman are money grabbing...please is there a woman out there that isnt.

Miss Fluff

OMG sounds like a complete arse - asking you if you had change? He's probably too mean to ejaculate too. If it were me I'd be shouting "taxi"........what a plonker.

LegacyUser

Run to the hills OP !!!

Mean men are hell to go out with/live with!

Cuddlesworth

quick question wrote: »

Hi, not sure if this belongs in PI but here goes. Went on a 1st date with a guy I met online 2 weeks ago. Wnt for dinner and got on great. Anyway we got the bil and i said we'd split it. It was a mutual meeting so fair is fair. Met for drinks at the weekend and bought every secon round But when it was his round he'd only buy a drink for me and made his 1 drink last for my 2. We were both drinking long necks. Though it a bit mean but said nothing! I mean what can u say in a situation like that.
So on to last night, he invited me for dinner and when the bill came, was 90 euro, he says right thats 45 each, had a 50 inhis hand and asked me had I change! I was stunned, but paid up! Anyway im by no ways mean and dont mind paying for food and wine BUT, I would expect when a man invites me out for dinner it would be nice if he paid, Just wondering what your thoughts are on this

Is he skint? Its expensive for a guy during the first few weeks of a new girlfriend. Especially when you have no money.

Katgurl

I may be in the minority here but i wouldn't see him again. Ever.

If he invited you for dinner he should have picked up the bill.

I'm definitely not mean with money and while in a relationship I love treating my boyfriend but a date is a date and splitting the bill is unromantic, clinical and downright scabby.

AARRRGH

It's a bad sign.

Men normally try to impress girls when they're on a date, in particular, by being generous. (I know we're living in a time of equality and all that, but that's irrelevant.)

So if he is like this on a date, he must really be cheap. Or be worried about money. Does he have a job?

SarahSassy

Does he work or have heavy committments? If so he may be short on money or saving in case he loses his job.. I can understand splitting the bill but the drinks / long necks thing sounds pure scabby.... That would put me off instantly....

John Mason

sorry what?

you drink at twice the speed as him, so you expect him to drink at the same speed as you? i dont think so

why would expect him to pay for your meal? i mean its only your second date? personally, i would have much more self respect for myself. but that's just me

LegacyUser

Op here
No he shouldnt be skint, has a good job so no reason for him not to pay.
Im not money grabbing but i was under the impression that if HE aske ME out then he should pay! If I had invited him for dinner or the cinema i would offer tho pay, and i had no problem splittin the bill hte 1st date as we had both agreed on going out.
I just think it would be nice to be wined and dined and not have to pay out at the end! I suppose it is a taste of what's to come from him! Went straight home after dinner last night even though he suggested a drink! Had to, was skint lol

AARRRGH

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

personally, i would have much more self respect for myself.

Respect has nothing to do with it.

The man asked her out for dinner. He should pay; that's traditionally how it goes. Just like he would expect her to make some effort with her appearance.

We can be equal without being anal about it.

I do agree with you on the drinking thing though, maybe she was knocking them back? But from what she's said so far, I doubt that's the case.

LegacyUser

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

sorry what?

you drink at twice the speed as him, so you expect him to drink at the same speed as you? i dont think so

why would expect him to pay for your meal? i mean its only your second date? personally, i would have much more self respect for myself. but that's just me

OP again
well I was drinking 1 longneck about every 40 mins so i wouldnt say i was necking them back!
and he invited me out and I wasn't expecting to be told at end of meal that 1 owe 45.
Have plenty self repect btw

AARRRGH

Btw OP: who tipped for the meal? If it was him or 50/50, how much did he tip?

anonymous_joe

Hmmm. Sounds a bit mean, but I always despised having to pay for everything for a girl.

If you ask a girl out you pay is this golden rule, and the shoe's never on the other foot. I've only known one girl who'd ask me out too. :pac:

Basically, the guy's either a bit mean, or wants to treat you as an equal (he's probably being mean :P) but then, he might be having money problems.

00112984

1st meal: you said you wanted to split so you did.
Drinks: he didn't leave you sitting with an empty bottle while he was still working on his.
2nd meal: he went along with the precedent you'd set with the first meal and split.

He's a man, not a mind-reader.

LegacyUser

AARRRGH wrote: »

Btw OP: who tipped for the meal? If it was him or 50/50, how much did he tip?

bill came to 79 so he told me 40 each. I asked him if he included service and he hadn't. I said better leave 10. so we both paid 45 each. Doubt he would have left it i hadnt said anything bout it

Swampy

If he invites you, he should pay.

Don't settle. There's plenty of gentlemen out there who.

LegacyUser

00112984 wrote: »

1st meal: you said you wanted to split so you did.
Drinks: he didn't leave you sitting with an empty bottle while he was still working on his.
2nd meal: he went along with the precedent you'd set with the first meal and split.

He's a man, not a mind-reader.

No my drink ws never empty but his was! While he waited for me to finish mine so id go to the bar

Pub07

00112984 wrote: »

1st meal: you said you wanted to split so you did.
Drinks: he didn't leave you sitting with an empty bottle while he was still working on his.
2nd meal: he went along with the precedent you'd set with the first meal and split.

He's a man, not a mind-reader.

+1.
From what I can see, the OP is acting mean not wanting to pay half for her meal, why should the guy have to pay the full amount, this is 2009 not 1955. If he asks you to go to the cinema is he supopsed to pay for that do? Anytime he suggests an activity for you to do, you want him to pay? Come off it.

And so what if he drinks slower than you, is he supposed to drink at a faster pace just to suit you?

It'll probably work out better for him this way anyway, as he'll find out fairly quickly if the woman is just a gold-digger who wants him to pay for everything and he'll get more respect off the decent women as they'll see he's not just some nice guy pussy who pays for everything for the sake of it like some sort of twat.

Reillyman

I think you should forget about this guy. Fair enough about splitting the bill, but asking for change, like ffs! If he's like this now he'll be like this forever, he'll want to split everything and he'll be a total tight-ass. I personally would die of embarrassment if I had to ask a girl for change. If I can't afford to bring her out, I just tell her and she'll come around and watch a movie or whatever, so not having money is no excuse.

Terodil

I find it worrying that the OP worries thinks so much about this and that so many people try to predict the quality of the relationship by these two 'incidents'.

If one wants to invite the other, fair play, nice gesture.

Expecting to be invited is just... words are failing me.

'Dump him'... lol. If such issues are reason enough for you people to give that bit of advice, I think you are going to be in for a rough time when you get to *real* relationship trouble.

littlemisspiggy

removed

John Mason

AARRRGH wrote: »

The man asked her out for dinner. He should pay; that's traditionally how it goes. Just like he would expect her to make some effort with her appearance.

We can be equal without being anal about it.

who's traditional - your ma's?

cos i am 34 and it is not a traditional of my generation. you always go 50/50 with a meal regardless - everyone knows that if you let a man pay for your meal, he is going to want something in return or is that just another old fashioned tradition


and sorry what? he would expect her to make an effort for him ?????????? what ????????

i would be expecting him to make an effort for me too

you have very old fashioned ideas

GeeNorm

I reckon I may know your date:)
Splitting both dinner's = fair enough.
Dragging out the drinks may have an explanation. The guy I suspect of being your date is normally a big drinker but is training for marathon so is now a light drinker. He hasn't got his head around the slow drinker etiquette yet.

All in all though, sounds like a scab and should be ditched.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

No my drink ws never empty but his was! While he waited for me to finish mine so id go to the bar

Ah he's cheap so.

It's a trait I really dislike in people so I would personally not see him again...

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

everyone knows that if you let a man pay for your meal, he is going to want something in return or is that just another old fashioned tradition

No, the general rule is if you invite someone out, you pay! In an ideal situation (IMO) the girl would offer to pay 50% but the man would decline.

For the record, if a woman invited me out I would expect her to offer to pay the entire bill.

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

and sorry what? he would expect her to make an effort for him ?????????? what ????????

i would be expecting him to make an effort for me too

In the context of a man asking a woman out on a date, it would be unacceptable for the woman to turn up in a tracksuit. He is bringing her out for a meal so she should make an effort to look nice.

I never said the man doesn't have to make an effort. My point was there are certain traditions people follow, such as making an effort. Yes in an ideal world of equality or whatever the woman could show up in her pyjamas, but that's just not the real world.

There is nothing weak about letting someone buy you dinner.

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

you have very old fashioned ideas

Not at all.

MadelineNYC

I don't think the OP is expecting the man to pay for everything. She sounds more than willing to pull her weight. But him asking for 5.00 change...???? That's just stingy and petty. People can share the cost of a date without beancounting.

It also sounds like he wasn't even going to leave a tip!!!...bad sign.

I don't fully understand the part about the drinks..Does he have money problems? many do these days. The OP should try to figure that out. If money is a problem for him then maybe they should go on cheaper dates.

LegacyUser

My contribution- I'd always assume I was paying unless I hear otherwise. Having said that, I wouldn't like to be made a fool of but I wouldn't like to be keeping score- halfish is good enough for me. I like the idea of rotating rather than exchanging cash.

A close friend of mine left her boyfriend recently and a big part of it was that he was very stingey.


Hijack-
I was out with a friend and we bumped into more of his friends. It was a quiet midweek night down the local and we planned to only have one. He said he'd buy because I'd left my wallet at home. I ended up talking to this girl for ages.

She was a friend of a friend who I'd never seen before (or since). She was really lovely and we had so much fun chatting and I was sure there would be a kiss. At the end of the night, she just clammed up. She really left an impression on me as I don't often meet girls who i click with so well so quickly. I've often wondered about this girl and the reason she bolted after being so warm and engaging with me.

I got caught absolutely flat-footed on the night because my mate slipped away and there was no one else there I knew. I hadn't a penny and for the 2 hours that we were in deep conversation and I hadn't the price of a drink. I'm a very generous person always aside from this.

I knew she wasn't a big drinker (before her friend also left to give us some time, she refused a drink- I was cringing knowing i had no cash) so never gave this any great deal of thought. We really were totally engaged in our conversation, too. However, having read this thread I just thought to myself OMFG, maybe she very well did think I was too much of a miserable git to buy her a drink??

Would this have been enough alone to put her off?? I'm starting to think it is...

LeixlipRed

Splitting the bill is the way to go. All that chivalry rubbish is pathetic to be honest. And if a girl likes a guy she shouldn't want him bankrupting himself to pay for a meal out. However, having 50 euro in his hand and asking for change off you is a bit over the top really.

AARRRGH

LeixlipRed wrote: »

All that chivalry rubbish is pathetic to be honest.

It really isn't.

I'll tell you why: it works.

As much as people would like to deny it, women are attracted to men with money, and being generous is a really easy way of advertising how much money you have.

EDIT1: It's also cute/polite/impressive/harmless.
EDIT2: I'm assuming the guy does not make a big deal out of it.
EDIT3: I know there are probably female boards.ie users who hate men with money and are furious at my generalisation. Many apologies.

Pub07

Unregistered wrote: »

I was out with a friend and we bumped into more of his friends. It was a quiet midweek night down the local and we planned to only have one. He said he'd buy because I'd left my wallet at home. I ended up talking to this girl for ages.

She was a friend of a friend who I'd never seen before (or since). She was really lovely and we had so much fun chatting and I was sure there would be a kiss. At the end of the night, she just clammed up. She really left an impression on me as I don't often meet girls who i click with so well so quickly. I've often wondered about this girl and the reason she bolted after being so warm and engaging with me.

I got caught absolutely flat-footed on the night because my mate slipped away and there was no one else there I knew. I hadn't a penny and for the 2 hours that we were in deep conversation and I hadn't the price of a drink. I'm a very generous person always aside from this.

I knew she wasn't a big drinker (before her friend also left to give us some time, she refused a drink- I was cringing knowing i had no cash) so never gave this any great deal of thought. We really were totally engaged in our conversation, too. However, having read this thread I just thought to myself OMFG, maybe she very well did think I was too much of a miserable git to buy her a drink??

Would this have been enough alone to put her off?? I'm starting to think it is...

No way in hell that she clammed up because you didnt buy her a drink. No girl who you've just met and is into you would be pissed off with you for not buying her a drink, not unless she was an out and out gold-digger. If I was single I would never buy a girl a drink as a means to get her to like me, f*ck that. Ive no problem buying my gf drinks or whatever if she's short on cash but I wouldn't be interested in blowing cash on a stranger just cos she's got a nice rack, Ill leave that to the nice guys.

Katgurl

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

everyone knows that if you let a man pay for your meal, he is going to want something in return or is that just another old fashioned tradition


and sorry what? he would expect her to make an effort for him ?????????? what ????????

i would be expecting him to make an effort for me too

this post is so ridiculous, i'm flabberghasted.

he is going to want something in return for buying a MEAL? while i agree you should not let a man buy you dinner that you know already you definitely aren't interested in, it doesnt' follow that you are obliged to have sex with him. its fine to see how things develop over time.

It is romantic to be taken out on a date / for a meal by a man just like it is romantic to buy your boyfriend a present / treat him / cook for him / whatever. Its not a business transaction, its a date.

Nor is there anythign wrong with making an effort to look nice for your date. It is part of the fun of it. And yes, he should make an effort to but generally speaking, guys don't require the same level of grooming as girls (although with the increasing levels of metrosexual males, the lines are becoming increasingly blurred).

LegacyUser

OP - frankly - if you feel/think/suspect that he is mean well then he probably is. Before I get attacked for this I think there is nothing wrong with paying your own way but it is nice to be wined and dined from time to time. The liklihood is you have been on three dates it is probable that you would go out on a fourth and you would be conscious of him paying for the last one so would pay for this. It's very simple.

There is no bigger turn off than someone (male or female) who is mean.

I've been on dates with Flash Harry's and Misery Michael's - neither is attractive.

If it was me I would run for the hills. The majority of men I know like to treat a date/girlfriend not to impress her but because they want to. Nothing wrong with it.

You are not a gold digger. You are a normal person asking a very normal question.

ibarelycare

Unregistered wrote: »

Op here

I just think it would be nice to be wined and dined and not have to pay out at the end! I suppose it is a taste of what's to come from him! Went straight home after dinner last night even though he suggested a drink! Had to, was skint lol

Yes it is nice to be "wined and dined" but this is only your second date. Why should he put so much investment into something when he doesn't know if it's going to pay off or not?!!!

You say he "asked" you out for dinner...did he say "Can I take you out for dinner?" Or "Would you like to come out for dinner?" If it was the first one then yes, maybe I would expect him to pay the bill BUT I would make sure to bring enough money with me to cover in case this is not what he meant. If he said the latter, then I certainly wouldn't expect him to pay the full bill. You'd already met up once before, and obviously both of you wanted a second date. Why should he have to fork out for it just because he's the one who bit the bullet first?

Don't be so scabby by only bringing €45 with you the next time you go for dinner with somene, then maybe you'll be able to afford a drink afterwards :rolleyes:

LeixlipRed

AARRRGH wrote: »

It really isn't.

I'll tell you why: it works.

As much as people would like to deny it, women are attracted to men with money, and being generous is a really easy way of advertising how much money you have.

EDIT1: It's also cute/polite/impressive/harmless.
EDIT2: I'm assuming the guy does not make a big deal out of it.
EDIT3: I know there are probably female boards.ie users who hate men with money and are furious at my generalisation. Many apologies.

I've never come across an attractive female who was impressed with me throwing a wad of cash around. Materialistic upbringing was it? Also cute/polite/impressive/harmless to pay? Wtf?? Scratching my head here trying to figure out when I fell through the time warp.

LegacyUser

ibarelycare wrote: »

Don't be so scabby by only bringing €45 with you the next time you go for dinner with somene, then maybe you'll be able to afford a drink afterwards :rolleyes:

Ok , i had more than 45 with me but I went straight home because i didnt want to end up paying for his drink all night again! thinkon now maybe iI should have gone to the pub and ordered one for myself and sat down! Wonder what he would have done then!
Oh and I dont know exactly what way he worded the invitation not that I think it matters!

LegacyUser

Swampy wrote: »

If he invites you, he should pay.

Don't settle. There's plenty of gentlemen out there who.

ThankS , I agree

LegacyUser

thos wrote: »

Ask him is he that selfish in the bedroom .... should make him change his tack pretty quick!!

Yeah, nothing brightens up a new relationship like insults.

AARRRGH

LeixlipRed wrote: »

I've never come across an attractive female who was impressed with me throwing a wad of cash around. Materialistic upbringing was it? Also cute/polite/impressive/harmless to pay? Wtf?? Scratching my head here trying to figure out when I fell through the time warp.

Dude, it's common knowledge women are attracted to men with money.

Katgurl

Its not the money that counts its the being invited out & treated.

A coffee in the park would suffice.


Splitting a bill is cold and impersonal.

missbaker

AARRRGH wrote: »

Dude, it's common knowledge women are attracted to men with money.

no that is not true at all, im attracted to a good decent, kind, honest and funny man. Much more important qualities than money I think!

I think he should have paid for the dinner. He asked her out after all. Fair is fair! Its not about the money , its about being a gentleman!

Katgurl

missbaker wrote: »

no that is not true at all, im attracted to a good decent, kind, honest and funny man. Much more important qualities than money I think!

I think he should have paid for the dinner. He asked her out after all. Fair is fair! Its not about the money , its about being a gentleman!

+100

AARRRGH

Look, we can all pretend money means nothing and we are only attracted to people with good personalities, but the reality is someone who has money is more attractive than someone who doesn't.

I have already stated buying dinner is polite/cute/etc.

I am obviously not trying to say the only thing people are attracted to is money.

Katgurl

I don't care about money.

However, i like ambition, drive, generosity and intelligence. Most of the people who fall into this category earn decent salaries but there are exceptions; for example two of my ex-boyfriends worked for themselves and had very very little income while they were buildign things up. This never bothered me.

But no matter how little money somebody has, it is good manners to treat a girl you ask out for dinner. If money was an issue he could have offered to cook for her / gone somewhere cheap / come up with another plan as I stated above.

SarahSassy

Katgurl wrote: »

I don't care about money.

However, i like ambition, drive, generosity and intelligence. Most of the people who fall into this category earn decent salaries but there are exceptions; for example two of my ex-boyfriends worked for themselves and had very very little income while they were buildign things up. This never bothered me.

But no matter how little money somebody has, it is good manners to treat a girl you ask out for dinner. If money was an issue he could have offered to cook for her / gone somewhere cheap / come up with another plan as I stated above.

This is 150% true for the majority of women...

As Katgurl pointed out, if he was short of cash then he could have done any of the above... Nothing worse than mean people - mean of cash, mean fo spirit....

AARRRGH

Katgurl wrote: »

I don't care about money.

I'm aware boards.ie is a bit of an alternate universe, but the average female definitely does place some importance on money.

We all know this, so there is no point in me explaining it, but you know, it all comes back to the concept of a powerful male being able to provide better shelter for a female and her children. These basic animal instincts have not gone away.

I of course do not think things like personality, sense of humour, etc. are unimportant.

I'm just saying, in the context of this thread, a man is more likely to impress a date if he is generous.

Katgurl

AARRRGH wrote: »

I'm aware boards.ie is a bit of an alternate universe, but the average female definitely does place some importance on money.

We all know this, so there is no point in me explaining it, but you know, it all comes back to the concept of a powerful male being able to provide better shelter for a female and her children. These basic animal instincts have not gone away.

I of course do not think things like personality, sense of humour, etc. are unimportant.

I'm just saying, in the context of this thread, a man is more likely to impress a date if he is generous.

My point exactly. But its the generosity not the money that is attractive. And there was no indication from the OP that her date was short of money, he could well have been just a tight f**k.

AARRRGH

Katgurl wrote: »

My point exactly. But its the generosity not the money that is attractive. And there was no indication from the OP that her date was short of money, he could well have been just a tight f**k.

Oh I fully suspect he is a tight ****.

Generousity is an attractive trait, of course, but so is having money! They are different.

A really retarded way of looking at this is if you clone the exact same guy, but give one of him loads more money, which one would you pick? The one with money of course.

Katgurl

AARRRGH wrote: »

Oh I fully suspect he is a tight ****.

Generousity is an attractive trait, of course, but so is having money! They are different.

A really retarded way of looking at this is if you clone the exact same guy, but give one of him loads more money, which one would you pick? The one with money of course.

ok I'll compromise & admit its a bonus alright. but he still needs all the other traits - they are non-negotiable.