Average number of partners

LegacyUser

I was just wondering what people thought was an 'average' amount of partners for someone to have. I always read that average is about 5 to 7 partners during your whole life, which to me seems about right, from my own life and people I know. Just started seeing someone new who's slept with 7 girls and done other stuff (oral/hand/whatever) with about 12...
He thinks his 'number' is really low compared to most people, he actually said he'd 'only' slept with 7 girls - I think that's quite a lot at 24. It's not really a big deal, wouldn't put me off or anything, but I wouldn't say it was low. Am I just a big prude? I'm 23 and I've been with 3 guys (counting oral/sex/everything) and my friends would be the same. I would have thought this was fairly average!

liah

That's it?.. uh oh.

Anyway, honestly, why do averages even matter? Everyone's going to be different on their outlook; some may only be with one person their entire lives, some hundreds, some none at all.

It's all relative, really.. just go with whatever feels right to you and don't worry about the mathematics of it!

*Honey*

Surely quality is more important than quantity?!

shellyboo

The Irish average is 8... I'm 25 and I'm nearing the 20 mark. I personally think 7 is pretty low as well, considering I know the numbers of some of my male friends.

But it's all relative. Whatever you're happy with. Does it matter to you for some reason or are you just curious?

ciaraghh

ciaraghh wrote: »

He thinks his 'number' is really low compared to most people, he actually said he'd 'only' slept with 7 girls - I think that's quite a lot at 24. It's not really a big deal, wouldn't put me off or anything, but I wouldn't say it was low.

Why is this an issue? it's none of you business who he slept with in the past to be perfectly honest, and I don't get why you are both swapping numbers particularly since you've just started going out.
Everyone has different totals. People out there have way fewer or way more. Just forget about it.

LegacyUser

Just came up in conversation before we started going out (we were friends). Didn't expect I'd ever be with him or I wouldn't have asked. I just think it's strange that he seems proud of himself for having so few partners when I would have said it was quite a lot!

Seoige

*Honey* wrote: »

Surely quality is more important than quantity?!

Agree with Honey definitely!

LegacyUser

me its 127 or maybe 227 iv stopped counting WHO CARES anyway

kingtut

I'm always amazed when this topic comes up...especially when some people consider a partner to be someone they gave a handjob to / fingered / gave a blowjob to etc, and others consider a partner to be someone who they had intercourse with...

To me when someone asks the average numbers of partners it should say the amount of people they had intercourse with. Otherwise it gets confusing.

If you say you had 10 partners does it mean you had intercourse with all of them or intercourse with half and played around with the rest??

It is so confusing and never clear what people mean! Not that how many partners someone has had is very important anyway.

LegacyUser

I have mates who have had 30/40/50....I have had 1, im 25. Doesnt bother me, I could have slept with around 20 people had I not turned alot of opportunities down but I have extremley high standards and the person needs to mean something to me. I have seen some of those 30-50 women and I probably wouldnt be able to get it up to be honest! I used to ask girls I got involved with how many they had been with but I dont anymore cause it would probably make me worry as it will undoubtably be more than me. From all my friends male and female I would say 7 is maybe around average or a little below.

kingtut

Unregistered wrote: »

I have mates who have had 30/40/50

Did they have intercourse with 30/40/50 or did they do sexual type stuff with that amount....handjobs etc

shellyboo

Anyone who counts blowjobs/handjobs as a sexual partner is clearly trying to bump up their number, if you ask me. Sexual partners means penetrative sex - and I have no idea why you would be performing sexual favours on someone you're not sleeping with or don't intend to sleep with.

Wibbs

I generally only think of one or two, The last one or two. I genuinely would have to think hard(steady) to put a figure to it, but not because of high numbers or anything. The way I look at it is, I would rather be someone's last not first or any number in between so it doesn't really matter to me.

kingtut

shellyboo wrote: »

Anyone who counts blowjobs/handjobs as a sexual partner is clearly trying to bump up their number, if you ask me. Sexual partners means penetrative sex - and I have no idea why you would be performing sexual favours on someone you're not sleeping with or don't intend to sleep with.

+1

LegacyUser

and I have no idea why you would be performing sexual favours on someone you're not sleeping with or don't intend to sleep with.

Huh? Penetrative sex is quite a big deal for a lot of people. I've 'messed around' with guys I fancied but didn't want to go any further. There are loads of consequences to penetrative sex (pregnancy, stis) that you don't get with a handjob/fingering. That's only one reason.

Victor

Unregistered wrote: »

There are loads of consequences to penetrative sex (pregnancy, stis) that you don't get with a handjob/fingering.

Just be aware that there are some STIs that are transmittable without penetrative sex. Becauseful when there is semen on your hands / fingers / genitals aswell as there is a (quite) small risk of pregnancy if there is subsequent contact with the womans genitals.

puglover

ciaraghh wrote: »

Just came up in conversation before we started going out (we were friends). Didn't expect I'd ever be with him or I wouldn't have asked. I just think it's strange that he seems proud of himself for having so few partners when I would have said it was quite a lot!

TBH I would say it's a bit of a non-issue, only thing that matters is the present!

But FYI average number of sexual partners for an Irish person in 2004 was 10.6 so if you consider that most peoples sexual partners will be, when they are younger, before they settle down with the final person (broad generalisation I know) I would say he is pretty average at 7.

My thinking would also be that this has increased in the past couple of years and would also be higher in younger generations who are more liberal (I'm not sure of the age profile of those surveyed) so at that he would even be below average.

http://www.durex.com/cm/gss2004Content.asp?intQid=401&intMenuOpen=


I know that I had more sexual partners than that at age 23 and I really don't think that I'm above average. I'm 25 now and would have only added one to that figure since then though so looks like it's slowing down for me....hmmm wonder why I'm not getting any

Nevyn

I would say a sexual partner is someone with whom I have been sexually intimate.
Drawing the line at intercourse is daft imho.

As for numbers, I gave up counting long ago, don't see the point.
Any one who really wants to know a hard number has issues which are about them
not me and I refuse to play that game.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

Huh? Penetrative sex is quite a big deal for a lot of people. I've 'messed around' with guys I fancied but didn't want to go any further. There are loads of consequences to penetrative sex (pregnancy, stis) that you don't get with a handjob/fingering. That's only one reason.

Yeah, I don't get that. I wouldn't be touching anyone's parts if I wasn't sure I wanted to sleep with them, either then or at a later date. Kissing is as far as it goes until I know I want to sleep with someone. That's just me though, I know. And penetrative sex is a big deal for me too, thanks

kingtut

Thaedydal wrote: »

I would say a sexual partner is someone with whom I have been sexually intimate.
Drawing the line at intercourse is daft imho.

It is not a case of drawing the line, it is a case of being clear as to what you are using to work out your total....

6 to you could be 6 penetrative partners, where as to me it could be 3 penetrative partners and 3 people I have fooled around with etc...

main thing is for people to be clear on what is what....especially if the OP thinks that someone saying they have had 30 partners means they had intercourse with 30 people when they may have only had intercourse with 2 of them and fooled around with the rest......

Yeah, I don't get that. I wouldn't be touching anyone's parts if I wasn't sure I wanted to sleep with them, either then or at a later date.

That's YOU, though. A lot of people consider touching someone's willy a hell of a lot less intimite/risky/whatever than having full sex, especially if it's a randomer. Could still be fun. Why is it all or nothing?

puglover

Going very off topic here. These are very personal opinions and no-one should be judging anyones choices when it comes to sexual activity.

However, for claritys sake in this case I think it's fair to say a sexual partner should be someone you have had penetrative sex with.

Auldloon

Numbers snumbers i dont give a damn and op you shouldnt either. I remember 13 in 13 nights out when i was in my early twenties and single and great it was. Then a 7 year relationship somewhere after that which was exclusive so 1 in 7 years. Its all down to circumstances and where you are in your life, really not something to worry, ask or think about.

zedhead

I dont think anyone should judge somebased on the number of partners they have had. As has been proven here, it is also very ambiguous here as to what people can even be counting as sexual partners, by some peoples standards they may have only had one, but by others they may have 20 plus.

Also peoples standards change as their life takes different routes, at one point in my life i did think i would only have 1 partner, and when that fell apart i still thought it would only be 2 or 3 at most. I didnt understand people who had one night stands etc But now i am a completely different person, i have had 11 partners (all full penetrative sex, but there are no other additional poeple i have just messed around with) There are times i have wondered is this quite high, but to be honest i dont care if it is, i dont regret a single decision i have made in regards to my sexual history and as long as someone can say that then the number should be irrelevent.

helimachoptor

OP, never ask that questions. He has a past and so do you. But its in the past and while those past experiences help make you the person you are today your new relationship should not be defined by the numbers of people you've been intimate with.

OksanaLV

I agrree with zedhead, people should not be judged on how many sex partners they have had. Its a matter of choice.

I'm 26 now and I got into my first relationship at 18. That lasted 2 years. 1 year passed before I entered iinto another relationship and i was with him for 4 years. We broke shortly before I came to Ireland in May 2007. Since then I have had 8 partners (Irish mainly), 7 of those one night stands and i am now in a relationship. I do not regret anything as I lived it up, partied etc. The sex was great and it was a liberating experience having felt constrained by being in 2 previous long term relationships.

I am happy now to be in a loving relationship but I havent mentioned my past experiences to my current partner. Let sleeping dogs lie.

shellyboo

[quote=[Deleted User];59077542]That's YOU, though.[/quote]


Yeah, that's why I said "That's just me though, I know" after the bit that you'd quoted.

[quote=[Deleted User];59077542] A lot of people consider touching someone's willy a hell of a lot less intimite/risky/whatever than having full sex, especially if it's a randomer. Could still be fun. Why is it all or nothing?[/quote]

It's all or nothing for me because I don't get intimate or have sex with 'randomers'. Kissing is as far as it goes for me until I know I'm really interested. It could take a few hours for me to decide, it could take a few months... all I'm saying is I've never and would never be sexually intimate with someone to the point of fellatio if I didn't want to sleep with him, or wasn't sure I wanted to. I personally think putting someone's cock in your mouth is a hell of a lot more 'intimate' than having penetrative sex with someone.

I was just expressing my own opinion re: how to count your sexual partners.

Das Kitty

Averages mean nothing!

As an illustration:

Shellyboo has had 20
I have had 1

On average that's 10.5 each, which is nowhere close to what either of us have had.

What does it matter what other people have had? As long as you're happy with your choices and not sleeping with people because you think you should be ignore what others are up to.

LegacyUser

My number is somewhere maybe 80 upwards....I am not fully sure, could be more like 100. Thats full sex obviously. One night stands, relationships, FB's, etc

I was a 'party person' -although am cleaned up now. Thankfully I never got raped or got any STI's, but often woke up with random lads, that would have been normal enough.

Im constantly gobsmacked when I see these surveys saying 3 to 5. I think it may be a generational difference. People nowadays seem to put an awful lot more thought into sleeping with someone. In my day it was just a casual thing and no big deal.

I often used protection, about 90% of the time, have got the morning after pill countless times and have had a good few STI screens. Thankfully all clear.

Dudess

Sigh... The sooner sex is treated in individual terms rather than broad social trends, the better.

OP, why would you care what the "average" is? (Where did this "average" come from anyway? Seems absolute bollocks). And whether he's proud or ashamed of how many/little he's slept with, has nothing to do with you - nor should you even be taking notice of it.

Wagon

Das Kitty wrote: »

Averages mean nothing!

As an illustration:

Shellyboo has had 20
I have had 1

On average that's 10.5 each, which is nowhere close to what either of us have had.

hehe, class way of putting it.

OP i can completely see where you're coming from and if he's had seven partners before you, fair enough but what are the circumstances? He could have been used by a few, in a relationship with some or just wanting a shag. And over how many years? It could be very infrequent.

At dudess: sometimes you can't help but ask. I'm one of these ****ing eejits that ask for a hard number and it used to really bother me. Call it morbid curiousity and I think blokes are more prone to it then women. It comes down to self esteem and ego. You want be be a god in the sack, but if your girlfriend has had more partners than you, it means she can puill blokes when she wants and will do so if you can't satisfy her. Crazy illogic that goes round and round in your head until something clicks and it no longer bothers you. Just a case of growing out of it.

shellyboo

Das Kitty wrote: »

Averages mean nothing!

As an illustration:

Shellyboo has had 20
I have had 1

Almost 20! I said *almost*!! :pac:

You make a very good point, Das Kitty; and number of partners does not equal experience. For example, all my "20" could have been one-night stands - in which case you'd have had more sex with your 1 partner than I've had.

So basically - it doesn't mean anything!

LegacyUser

I had to have a think and check the black book and it's about 150 girls and I'm 26- if you threw in non penatrative sex (bj's, hand jobs etc) it's bout 200.

That's growing up in a rural town, college in Galway and in Dublin in about three years.

I had an 18 year old in my bed this morning for instance.

I just like sex

tbh

I tried to do this before but made an arse of it, so here goes again:

take the age you were when you first had sex away from the age you are now.

Subtract from this answer the amount of years you've been in a relationship.

Divide this number by the amount of partners you've had -this is your promiscuity index.

So, for example:

34-15=19

19-10=9

9/27=.3

therefore, you would have a promiscuity index of .3

lee_arama

Numbers have little in the way of meaning really. Consider perhaps the number of meaningful relationships? It's easier on the soul in the long term.

I had an active college life (well first degree cos I'm back now and being a good boy)...

80-85 I think. Totally lost count.

LegacyUser

I don't get where the mantra 'your partner's past is the past and has no bearing on the present' comes from. It's illogical.

Most people even continue in one breath: 'it's the past that has turned the person you are with into the person he is, he has chosen to be with you now' which explicitly acknowledges the fact that the past IS important.

I am not asking my OH about the past because I know I'd probably not take it very well. Simply self-preservation, chosen ignorance in fact in the hopes that it'll make stuff easier. The past often is a pretty good indicator of what happens in the future. If my OH had been with 30 people before me I would have to be deluded to think that he's going to stay with me for a long time or that his statement 'I love you forever and ever' is anywhere close to true.

So the past IS relevant, and it IS your business because it is your relationship and that takes 2 to tango. I want to know if vows of undying love are something that he's said 15 times before and broken every single time or if it's something that he is putting his heart into.

Dudess

Wagon wrote: »

At dudess: sometimes you can't help but ask. I'm one of these ****ing eejits that ask for a hard number and it used to really bother me. Call it morbid curiousity and I think blokes are more prone to it then women. It comes down to self esteem and ego. You want be be a god in the sack, but if your girlfriend has had more partners than you, it means she can puill blokes when she wants and will do so if you can't satisfy her. Crazy illogic that goes round and round in your head until something clicks and it no longer bothers you. Just a case of growing out of it.

Oh I know all that, but the OP's asking what's considered the norm/average - slightly different.

Mr. Incognito

tried to do this before but made an arse of it, so here goes again:

take the age you were when you first had sex away from the age you are now.

Subtract from this answer the amount of years you've been in a relationship.

Divide this number by the amount of partners you've had -this is your promiscuity index.

So, for example:

34-15=19

19-10=9

9/27=.3

Isn't that a fancy way of saying take the years you've been sexually active and single and divide it by your partners?

It pretty much boils down to how many per year as a percentage.

No wonder you made an arse of it- you're overcomplicating things man.

And as for averages- they all suppose people are telling you the truth- I'm sure your girlfriends have a few one night stands and encounters up country lanes they are being less than forthright about.

anyway- in the end who gives a flying fcuk.

tbh

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Isn't that a fancy way of saying take the years you've been sexually active and single and divide it by your partners?

no - not active, available. Slight difference

edit: sorry, didn't see the single. So, then, yes, although I don't think it's all that fancy to be honest

Wagon

Dudess wrote: »

Oh I know all that, but the OP's asking what's considered the norm/average - slightly different.

Fair enough so. "Averages" my hole.

LegacyUser

lee_arama wrote: »

Numbers have little in the way of meaning really. Consider perhaps the number of meaningful relationships? It's easier on the soul in the long term.

I had an active college life (well first degree cos I'm back now and being a good boy)...

80-85 I think. Totally lost count.

Thank you !!! (Im the girl with between 85-100 !!!)

I can only conclude that people are far from truthful on these polls, I really can. I think people forget about the holiday where they shagged someone every night while blotto, then count up those holidays....

Then the long term partners, feck buddies, dates, one night stands, 'nearly' relationships etc etc things that didn't work out!

Where are people going with 3 to 5 ???

I dont go around advertising the fact of how many Ive been with, bue Im not ashamed either. Why would I be, many, many people I know must be the same.

The fact that people lie in anonymous polls says to me they are lying to themselves!

coillcam

It's really relative to each individual. Personally I wouldn't regard one-nighters. As opposed to someone you have been with a number of times or in a relationship with. Some people do regard one-nighters. There is no answer per say.

Even at that each individual is going to have a different attitude to sex. Some people take sex to be only an intimate emotional union through meaningful relationship, others are more "sexually liberated" where sex and love is free and fun, etc.

I don't think your being a prude, personally someone's sexual or previous relationship history doesn't bother me. If it's an issue for you then work around it. If he's a decent guy I wouldn't worry too much.

Dragan

ciaraghh wrote: »

Just came up in conversation before we started going out (we were friends). Didn't expect I'd ever be with him or I wouldn't have asked. I just think it's strange that he seems proud of himself for having so few partners when I would have said it was quite a lot!

Welcome to the happy world of perspective. You are seeing things from your's and he is seeing things from his.

I can only conclude that people are far from truthful on these polls, I really can. I think people forget about the holiday where they shagged someone every night while blotto, then count up those holidays...

Don't know anyone who's done that. Most people I know have had one or two one night stands, if that. A lot of my friends have only been with 1-2 serious partners. Is that the 'norm'? I have no idea. Everyone has different ideas of what's normal.

I don't get where the mantra 'your partner's past is the past and has no bearing on the present' comes from. It's illogical.

Totally agree. Not just for this topic but in general.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't get where the mantra 'your partner's past is the past and has no bearing on the present' comes from. It's illogical.

Most people even continue in one breath: 'it's the past that has turned the person you are with into the person he is, he has chosen to be with you now' which explicitly acknowledges the fact that the past IS important.

I am not asking my OH about the past because I know I'd probably not take it very well. Simply self-preservation, chosen ignorance in fact in the hopes that it'll make stuff easier. The past often is a pretty good indicator of what happens in the future. If my OH had been with 30 people before me I would have to be deluded to think that he's going to stay with me for a long time or that his statement 'I love you forever and ever' is anywhere close to true.

So the past IS relevant, and it IS your business because it is your relationship and that takes 2 to tango. I want to know if vows of undying love are something that he's said 15 times before and broken every single time or if it's something that he is putting his heart into.

Im a guy and this is what I think too. However I have given up asking purely on the basis of ignorance is bliss. Id rather not know because I carefully choose who I sleep with (never had a one night stand) so my number is very low and if I got with a girl who had a very high number I would unashamedly judge her for it! So I guess its just a form of self preservation.

LegacyUser

Ha this is funny, this thread has really opened my eyes. I never really thought about how much everyone is getting. I was asked by a few girls in work the other night how many women I have slept with. I asked them to guess and they guessed an average of 50 between them!!! Iv had 1, im 25....they were amazed and wouldnt believe me!! I have had many opportunities but turned them down as for me sex has to be meaningful/in a loving relationship....maybe I need to get out and get a few one night stands under my belt so that when I get a girlfriend and she says she has been with 20 guys im not gonna get freaked with my 1!!

LegacyUser

I'm not judging but i really thought seven was quite a lot for someone my age. i know its not LOADS but i thought it was on the higher side of normal, thats all. I guess maybe deep down I worry that because he's had quite a few partners (some quite casual) that I'm not as 'special' to him or something.. maybe it doesnt make a difference tho...

Dudess

Seven's a very low number for his age - it really is.

Unregistered wrote: »

I think people forget about the holiday where they shagged someone every night while blotto, then count up those holidays....

Not everyone's into that.

Then the long term partners, feck buddies, dates, one night stands, 'nearly' relationships etc etc things that didn't work out!

Doesn't apply to everyone. Where's the guarantee that every single person will have **** buddies (horrible idea to me personally) and one-night stands?

Where are people going with 3 to 5 ???

Three to five relationships maybe? Why is it so difficult to fathom that there are people (and what age are you talking about?) who have only had sex with three to five others? If you're 18, that's quite a lot.

And really, I can't help but be tempted to think that some (not all) people who have ****ed e.g. 200 people did so just for the sake of it/to meet a target.
Don't get me wrong - I'm no saint in that department (no exact number but knocking on the door of 30 partners in nearly 13 years, I estimate) but hundreds? Strikes me as extraordinarily cold...

Unregistered wrote:

I don't get where the mantra 'your partner's past is the past and has no bearing on the present' comes from. It's illogical.

Most people even continue in one breath: 'it's the past that has turned the person you are with into the person he is, he has chosen to be with you now' which explicitly acknowledges the fact that the past IS important.

I am not asking my OH about the past because I know I'd probably not take it very well. Simply self-preservation, chosen ignorance in fact in the hopes that it'll make stuff easier. The past often is a pretty good indicator of what happens in the future. If my OH had been with 30 people before me I would have to be deluded to think that he's going to stay with me for a long time or that his statement 'I love you forever and ever' is anywhere close to true.

So the past IS relevant, and it IS your business because it is your relationship and that takes 2 to tango. I want to know if vows of undying love are something that he's said 15 times before and broken every single time or if it's something that he is putting his heart into.

Very good point.

panda100

Im 26 and most of the guys I've been intimate with have only had 4 or 5 sexual partners but after reading this thread I think they were all telling porkies

OP I really dont think 6 or 7 is a lot.I dont think theres anything to be worried about.


Edit to say:Jeepers, now Im worried that my number is too low!Damn you societal norms

Wibbs

I say no matter what anyone else is up to, just go at your own pace and what works for you. Number crunching and averages is a road to nowhere IMHO.

dny123456

Didnt think i was particularly high... but I've defintely had more than 50.