The more romantic?

Puddleduck

Alright ladies, read an article in the newspaper this morning that said its the women in realationships that tend to be more romantic.

Would you agree. I personally dont think so, I think I can be considerate ie cooking etc but I couldnt write a love letter/poem to save my life (dunno what to do for v day, the whole roses are red seems really lame...)

livindadream

ah i dont think the ladies are more romantic! i think men feel they're under pressure to be romantic and make the effort, around this time of year more so!

Crumble Froo

maybe it's just me/the guys i attract... but for the most part, i'd put the males as being the more romantic of the species.

actually, that's not just in relationships, that's based on guy mates talking about their g/f's as well.

Dragan

I think a large part of it is simply the popular belief that the man should do the wooing, and the woman should be wooed. As such, it tends to make men willing to be a bit more musy and romantic around this time of year.

Personally, i think it's pointless, I am more than happy to let my girlfriend know how i feel about her at any time, it doesn't take some Hallmark approved day of the year to get that type of thing out of a LOT of the men that i know.

It's basically an idea that is reinforced by literature and cinema, that if the man takes the bold, romantic step then he will win the lady. Of course, people will invariably gloss over the fact that during the same story the male character will overcome whatever personality or lifestyle flaws that were costing him the woman in the first place.

But that idea is not quite so romantic as holding a stereo over you head.

Dudess

"Romantic" means different things to different people anyway. Rose petals and a love letter (or whatever) would have me falling around the place laughing - as well as a bit creeped out.

Nevyn

HUGE SWEEPING GENERALISATIONS WARNING:

I think that women see the care and tending of their 'Man' to part of being romantic
and thoughtful and think that he will notice the little things they do to make their man's life easier
and men for the most part don't notice such gestures as being that and consider
them run of the mill and how things are meant to be.

Thankfully this is starting to change with men who can care and tend to themselves
and don't expect the woman in their life to do those things and so appericate when they do.

Dragan wrote: »

But that idea is not quite so romantic as holding a stereo over you head.

*cringe*

Romantic gestures do not all require the sacrificing of dignity.

Dragan

Thaedydal wrote: »

HUGE SWEEPING GENERALISATIONS WARNING:

I think that women see the care and tending of their 'Man' to part of being romantic
and think that he will notice the little things they do to make their man's life easier
and men for the most part don't notice such gestures as being that and consider
them run of the mill and how things are meant to be.

Thankfully this is starting to change with men who can care and tend to themselves
and don't expect the woman in tier life to do those things and so appericate when they do.

I would agree with that to be honest. I am more than capable of looking after myself in everyday life, so when my girlfriend ends up doing something for me, no matter how small, it is appreciated. And vice versa.

Of course, sometimes it just nice to be nice, but i find these little things are driven by how much you genuinely care about your parter.

For example, last week my girlfriend got stuck out in the snow for about three hours trying to get home from work. No buses, no taxi's, no nothing for about an hour. She finally got a taxi, spent an hour sitting in it soaking wet before the cabbie had to go ( fair play to him, she only had 20 quid on her and he turned off the meter when it got to that amount ) and she had to walk about another hour home.

When i figured she would be reasonable close to our place i set out to meet her with a flask of tea, as i knew she would be frozen to the core.

Romantic? Not really, i was just worried about her but i'm sure some people would see the "romantic" side in it. As Dudess said, romance varies from person to person and most of the time what other people think is romantic i think is the bare bones of a relationship to be honest.

Thaedydal wrote: »

*cringe*

Romantic gestures do not all require the sacrificing of dignity.

Oh i don't know, a ball gag and a decent whip and who the **** needs dignity?

Puddleduck

Excellent point, whats romantic and whats just the normal caring about your partner, or are they one and the same? *muses*

Personally I think someone going out of there way to do something nice for the other half would be romantic, as its above the call of just caring.

Kya1976

Maybe this is because I dont have a romantic bone in my body, but talking from my own experience I always thought that men here in Ireland were really 'romantic'. All of my ex's has always been the ones to plan and organise any 'romantic gestures'...

But I'd agree with what Dudess says.

Latchy

Dragan wrote: »

. As Dudess said, romance varies from person to person and most of the time what other people think is romantic i think is the bare bones of a relationship to be honest.

Puddleduck wrote: »

Excellent point, whats romantic and whats just the normal caring about your partner, or are they one and the same? *muses*

Personally I think someone going out of there way to do something nice for the other half would be romantic, as its above the call of just caring.

Even the basic thought of buying a valintines card is something .It's romantic .Lot of selfish males and females out there who expect to have all sorts done for them by partners but never show any appriciation .A card is the simple and easy way to say ' thank you ' .Anything after that is a bonus

homerun_homer

From personal experience, I've been the one who has had to be the most romantic. That's not to say nothing was done by any ex for me, but majority of the time in my last relationship I was the one who tended to be romantic and do cool things, which were greatly appreciated.
Thinking back to last Valentines I did all the work and didn't so much as get a card, so from my own experience girl's aren't as romantic.

Malari

I subscribe to the idea that being romantic is just part of the everyday of relationships.

For me, getting a valentine card is the height of schmaltz and I don't find it in the least bit romantic. What I find romantic is that my boyfriend knows I feel this way.

It doesn't get any more romantic for me than when he makes a nonchalant comment over breakfast some weekend about how he thought I looked really pretty when we went out the previous night, or something like that. It's unforced and throwaway and it makes me fizzy-happy knowing that he thinks of me this way.

Latchy

The other side of the coin is the marketing and schmaltz of the valintine card which is a million £ ( euro) industry and understandable if people feel pressured into buying one .Like it's just ' another card ' .As previous poster said ,spoken words can be more important than any card .

Nevyn

Dragan wrote: »

I would agree with that to be honest. I am more than capable of looking after myself in everyday life, so when my girlfriend ends up doing something for me, no matter how small, it is appreciated. And vice versa.

Of course, sometimes it just nice to be nice, but i find these little things are driven by how much you genuinely care about your partner.

But that the thing it should be an extension of caring and be a regular occurrence rather then 3/4 times a year of a gesture.

Dragan wrote: »

For example, last week my girlfriend got stuck out in the snow for about three hours trying to get home from work. No buses, no taxi's, no nothing for about an hour. She finally got a taxi, spent an hour sitting in it soaking wet before the cabbie had to go ( fair play to him, she only had 20 quid on her and he turned off the meter when it got to that amount ) and she had to walk about another hour home.

When i figured she would be reasonable close to our place i set out to meet her with a flask of tea, as i knew she would be frozen to the core.

Very considerate and a far cry from waiting until she got home and greeting her with " glad you got home luv, whats for dinner and how long will it be cos I'm starving!".

Dragan wrote: »

Romantic? Not really, i was just worried about her but i'm sure some people would see the "romantic" side in it. As Dudess said, romance varies from person to person and most of the time what other people think is romantic i think is the bare bones of a relationship to be honest.

Yes it does depend on what people see as "romance" for some it is the big gestures and seduction for other it is part of the standard operating proceedures for a relationship with them being happy having a partner do things and make certain gestures that no one else gets to, hence it being a
"romantic" relationship.

Dragan wrote: »

Oh i don't know, a ball gag and a decent whip and who the **** needs dignity?

That for most people would tend to be in private unlike the garish gettoblaster style gestures
and it is possible to take part in such play and keep your dignity no matter which end of the whip
you are on, unless losing it is part of the play..

Dragan

latchyco wrote: »

The other side of the coin is the marketing and schmaltz of the valintine card which is a million £ ( euro) industry and understandable if people feel pressured into buying one .Like it's just ' another card ' .As previous poster said ,spoken words can be more important than any card .

I imagine this will have a few of the male readers eye rolling but i just made a card this year. It says a hell of a lot more than any card i could have picked up in the shop.

Besides, the simple fact that i made it myself will be far more appreciated than some shop bought bull****.

paperclip2

No I am not romantic, It can actually irritate the hell out of me.:p My poor husband on the other hand is romantic. He has had flowers delivered to work on a couple of occasions and I did appreciate them after I got over the embarrasment and initial knee jerk reaction which was to disembowel him with rose thorns.

I'd much rather some low level consideration on a regular basis than a full on flowers, candles and pink blowout a couple of times a year. A lie in on a Saturday morning or an hour to go swimming on my own or him arranging the babysitter so we can have a couple of hours together once a week is really appreciated more than heart shaped sweets.
I like to do little things for him too; suggesting he go to the pub to watch the football in peace the odd time, baking his favourite cookies and sneaking them into his lunchbox. Putting out the bins or cleaning out the fire instead of leaving it to him also go down well.:)

I guess romance has its place but its not the be all and end all for me.

Latchy

Dragan wrote: »

I imagine this will have a few of the male readers eye rolling but i just made a card this year. It says a hell of a lot more than any card i could have picked up in the shop.

Besides, the simple fact that i made it myself will be far more appreciated than some shop bought bull****.

I agree , thing is how many other males / females will be accused of being a cheapskate because you had the forsight and thought to make your own ......invdividual card ... from the bottom of your heart .......

Dammed if we do and dammed if we dont .

brianthebard

Puddleduck wrote: »

I couldnt write a love letter/poem to save my life (dunno what to do for v day, the whole roses are red seems really lame...)

I'm available to write poems for anyone who wants one as a gift this V day, €1 a line. Any takers?

Kya1976

brianthebard wrote: »

I'm available to write poems for anyone who wants one as a gift this V day, €1 a line. Any takers?

ME!!!! I'm planning to send myself a card this year and all I got so far is 'roses are red violets are blue.....'

Ginny

Roses, Chocolates and all that smaltzy stuff isn't romantic to me, its the day to day stuff that makes me mushy, making me a cup of tea, putting a bottle of wine in the fridge when I'm on my way home after a crappy day, lying on my side of the bed to heat it up before I get into it. These mean a millions times more to me then a one off card and over the top gesture.
TBH I think himself is more romantic day to day.

homerun_homer

latchyco wrote: »

The other side of the coin is the marketing and schmaltz of the valintine card which is a million £ ( euro) industry and understandable if people feel pressured into buying one .Like it's just ' another card ' .As previous poster said ,spoken words can be more important than any card .

In terms of buying into the whole thing, I don't really go for cards myself for anyone on any occassion, at least not of the corporate kind. Last year I bought a homemade card that a co-workers wife made and it was a lot better that getting something by Hallmark.

Latchy

homerun_homer wrote: »

In terms of buying into the whole thing, I don't really go for cards myself for anyone on any occassion, at least not of the corporate kind. Last year I bought a homemade card that a co-workers wife made and it was a lot better that getting something by Hallmark.

Yup , the personell touch is ok .Still aint gonna stop millions buying a hallmark card coz time or effort doesn't allow them to do otherwise .

NewFrockTuesday

I dont see whats wrong with having one day in the year especially too mark how much you love someone. Yadda yadda the all year around love being shown...of course its shown, otherwise you wouldnt be with that person.

Its like Christmas. I hate when I get (Even though grateful blah blah) practical presents. I dont want a friggin' suitcase, I want something utterly indulgent and pleasing to me. Just like the present I got you! I want to sparkle and smell gorgeous - not think about the drags of everyday life.

I guess Im just the same with Vday. Id be happy with a homemade card or a shop bough one. Its the fact that Im getting one that would delight me. But I love the day and I love the love.

I wonder how long it will be before recession is mentioned as a reason not to buy a card. We need Vday this year more than ever.

SeekUp

Ginny wrote: »

Roses, Chocolates and all that smaltzy stuff isn't romantic to me, its the day to day stuff that makes me mushy, making me a cup of tea, putting a bottle of wine in the fridge when I'm on my way home after a crappy day, lying on my side of the bed to heat it up before I get into it. These mean a millions times more to me then a one off card and over the top gesture.

See, I think the day to day stuff is fantastic, and much more important than the big sweeping gestures, but the day to day stuff isn't exactly filled with romance! I mean, it's all very thoughtful and caring and shows that you love your OH, but not particularly romantic.

That being said, I don't think either of us are particularly romantic, aside from the occasional batch of long-stemmed roses. Because wooing is a two way street these days (does wooing even occur anymore?!?), I think a lot of the stereo-over-the-head-serenades and similar gestures are just a bit too over the top.

But to answer the OP, I'd actually think that men would tend to be more traditionally romantic, even if it's only because they've felt that they've had to be, and that it was expected of them.

(But what do I know?)

cuckoo

SeekUp wrote: »

See, I think the day to day stuff is fantastic, and much more important than the big sweeping gestures, but the day to day stuff isn't exactly filled with romance! I mean, it's all very thoughtful and caring and shows that you love your OH, but not particularly romantic.

Does romance last though? Love and caring do. Maybe romance is something for the 'wooing' stage, and then that the same gestures fall under the umbrella term 'loving'.

GirlInterrupted

I've always thought that men are bigger at the one-off gestures, like the roses on Valentines, although maybe I'm wrong.

I'm not terribly good at marking occasions, or even remembering them, but when I'm with someone, I do try to be considerate and I'm romantic in that I have no problem telling or showing anyone I love how I feel about them.

I think the everyday things matter more, and that actions speak louder than words. Mind you, I like the words too!

SeekUp

cuckoo wrote: »

Does romance last though? Love and caring do. Maybe romance is something for the 'wooing' stage, and then that the same gestures fall under the umbrella term 'loving'.

Well, I hope that romance will occasionally rear its frilly overdressed head, but I agree; the loving has much more staying power.

Piste

Men tend to do few large gestures, whereas women seem to do many small gestures. What a lot of men don't seem to realise is women give more or less equal weight to all gestures, so small things that show us we're cared about are worth just as much as grand gestures that also show us we're cared about.

Stheno

Ginny wrote: »

Roses, Chocolates and all that smaltzy stuff isn't romantic to me, its the day to day stuff that makes me mushy, making me a cup of tea, putting a bottle of wine in the fridge when I'm on my way home after a crappy day, lying on my side of the bed to heat it up before I get into it. These mean a millions times more to me then a one off card and over the top gesture.
TBH I think himself is more romantic day to day.

Yup it's the small silly things, the bar of chocolate/packet of sweets when he runs out to buy milk, the phone call out of the blue, organising food he knows I'll eat when I'm knackered and can't be bothered, all that stuff kinda builds up for me.
That said, I hate surprises, find slush/mush/schmaltz hard to deal with, and after years of coping as a waiter with bickering couples on Valentines day, the last place you'll find me on Feb. 14th is in a restaurant all gooey eyed at my SO

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

I've always thought that men are bigger at the one-off gestures, like the roses on Valentines, although maybe I'm wrong.

I'm not terribly good at marking occasions, or even remembering them, but when I'm with someone, I do try to be considerate and I'm romantic in that I have no problem telling or showing anyone I love how I feel about them.

I think the everyday things matter more, and that actions speak louder than words. Mind you, I like the words too!

I do love marking occasions, and do make an effort there, but the day to day stuff long term imo makes things

The occasions can be special

Piste wrote: »

Men tend to do few large gestures, whereas women seem to do many small gestures. What a lot of men don't seem to realise is women give more or less equal weight to all gestures, so small things that show us we're cared about are worth just as much as grand gestures that also show us we're cared about.

Very true

Ginny

SeekUp wrote: »

See, I think the day to day stuff is fantastic, and much more important than the big sweeping gestures, but the day to day stuff isn't exactly filled with romance! I mean, it's all very thoughtful and caring and shows that you love your OH, but not particularly romantic.

Ah but I think its romantic when he goes out of his way to do thoughtful things he knows I'll appreciate, or doing stuff for me then I'd never think of doing for myself.

The only time I went out to dinner on Valentines day it was when I was duped into it with an ex, and the only flowers I've received on Valentines day was from the same ex, so maybe Valentines day just doesn't mean the same thing to me.

Although this Valentines day you will find us in a hotel out west, and to me he's done one of the most thoughtful and romantic things, brought a dvd player with a selection of dvds I love and some bottles of bubbly in case its awful weather down there.