Husband insisting on Brazilian waxes

LegacyUser

Insisting on waxes for me...My husband wants me to keep getting Brazilian waxes. I don't mind them and enjoy the results but think they are a huge waste of money in this economy. Luckily we both still have jobs but that could change at any moment. I think the last thing I should be spending money on is going to a salon to have hairs ripped off my private parts every 4-6 weeks..

I have no problem keeping things neat and tidy on my own (DIY.) That means trimming and shaving. Problem is he wants the "Hollywood Look," or whatever you want to call it. That's almost impossible to do with a razor...Needs waxing. Shaving off the front part is easy enought. But a true Brazilian wax involves taking everything off the "undercarriage," meaning the hair in and around the vulva, perianum (sp?) and more...Doing that with a razor to myself is impossible for me, not to mention waxing myself...Hair removal creams are possibly cargeniogenic and not something I'm willing to put on/in such a sensitive area..

I think he's being unreasonable..He says no oral sex if I don't get the full waxing done...I think he's being a pig. As long as I'm nicely groomed, which I am, why does he have to be so choosy? What to do? No, he doesn't get waxes himself...Yes, that's a double standard...And before anyone suggests I have him do the waxing...This is a very clumsy man..Not a chance of me letting him do that. Should I force the issue? Make him pay for the waxes out of the money he uses for his hobbies and pints?

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

Should I force the issue? Make him pay for the waxes out of the money he uses for his hobbies and pints?

That's exactly what you should do. Tell him you think it's a waste of money, but if he's prepared to fork out for the difference in feel then that's up to him. However, if he says no to paying, he's not allowed to say no to oral.

Seems fair to me... however everyone may not agree!

i-digress

I agree with Shellyboo!

Oryx

If he pays and youre willing to get them, then thats a solution. If you cant afford it and hes not stumping up for something only he really wants, then yes, he is being a pig. Otherwise if he refuses you oral, buy a vibrator and do THAT diy.

TerrorFirmer

I think you've answered the question already, what you really want to hear is:

Yes, you're right, he's an absolute pig, you can tell him that he either pays for it himself or gets lost. And, even if he does, it doesn't negate the fact that he feels he's somehow entitled to demand this look of you.

You should tell him no sex for him until he gets his back/crack/sack waxed off to the last hair...

LorraineL

If i were you, i'd refuse him oral on the same basis.

shellyboo

If he insists he's not going down on you without you being waxed still, tell him you now have the same condition. No oral for him unless HE gets waxed. He's being utterly unreasonable!

I'd tell him to f* off and grow up. There's "you know, I'd love if you did..." and then there's "I'm withholding sex until you...".
I wouldn't even bother telling him to pay, personally speaking, I'd just buy a vibrator, tell him you're making use of it until he understands "I'm withholding sex until you meet my demands, no discussion" is idiotic to say the least.

THEN if he is willing to discuss the matter I'd suggest he pays at half if it is to be on a regular basis. That's assuming you don't have any problem with the actual waxing yourself.

If someone was genuinely uncomfortable with oral because the hygiene was so bad (or well, just not liking oral etc, I'm just giving an example) then maybe it could be understandable but "I prefer how it looks"...

TheZohanS

From a male prspective there's nothing as bad as trying to give oral and ending up with a mouth full of pubes.

Waxing is the way forward!

If you ask him to contribute towards the cost of the waxing I'm sure he, like most men, would.

shellyboo

TheZohan wrote: »

From a male prspective there's nothing as bad as trying to give oral and ending up with a mouth full of pubes.

Likewise from a female perspective!

LegacyUser

I wouldn't agree. There are much worse things - a female being unhygienic for example, or forgetting to tell you what time of month it is when you go down on her! A few pubes are not the end of the world.

My g/f trims hers but still leaves a thin strip of hair and I find it very sexy ........................ much better than one extreme (far too much hair) or the other (the smooth, almost pre-pubescent look which some men love).

TheZohan

TheZohan wrote: »

From a male prspective there's nothing as bad as trying to give oral and ending up with a mouth full of pubes.

Except she shaves and trims so he has absolutely no complaints in that dept, by the sound of it.

greenman09

How much do u need? *sends chq in the post*

Mr. Presentable

TheZohan wrote: »

From a male prspective there's nothing as bad as trying to give oral and ending up with a mouth full of pubes.

Waxing is the way forward!

If you ask him to contribute towards the cost of the waxing I'm sure he, like most men, would.

To be fair, if you're getting a mouth full of pubes you're somewhat off target or working cross-species,.:D

OP, If it's an expense too far, then he'll just have to suck it down. And as pointed out by others, what comes around goes around.

dyl10

heh, I actually believe this situation occurred in an episode of sex and the city.

Whats said above is good advice

Koushki

LorraineL wrote: »

If i were you, i'd refuse him oral on the same basis.

ew. men with no pubic hair. sick.

anyway yeah, get him to give you money for it if it bothers him so much, and you seem to be doing a good enough job with the diy.

Silverfish

greenman09 infracted.

On-topic and helpful replies only please.

TheZohanS

nipplenuts wrote: »

To be fair, if you're getting a mouth full of pubes you're somewhat off target or working cross-species,.:D

OP, If it's an expense too far, then he'll just have to suck it down. And as pointed out by others, what comes around goes around.

You don't just head straight for the target, if you do it properly you go around and slowly move towards the sweet spot.

Shaving the upper part alone doesn't really cut it...excuse the pun.

LorraineL

Koushki wrote: »

ew. men with no pubic hair. sick.

I agree but maybe giving him the ultimatum would show him that he has no right to demand the same from her.

MJOR

tell him its your fanny and you'll do what you like with it:D

dotsman

MJOR wrote: »

tell him its your fanny and you'll do what you like with it:D

The problem with this, is that it is his tongue that she wants licking her fanny. Therefore, I think they both have a joint interest in how the "fanny" is groomed.

Personally, I think he's being a bit of an a$$hole by laying down an ultimatum. Obviously, it means a lot to him, but an ultimatum like that is way too strong. However, I disagree with the suggestions that you should force him to wax everything down there (unless of course you both prefer his groin to be waxed and the only reason he doesn't is due to the money). Forcing him to do this would be out of spite, and will only make the situation worse.

I agree that having him pay for it out of his beer/hobby etc money is certainly one way around this.

There is, however, a more romantic solution. You say you have difficulty shaving everything down there. Why not have him do it (perhaps followed by a massage with oils etc) as a prelude to oral? That way, everyone's a winner!

daiixi

Aside from the fact that your husband is an arse, how about looking into laser treatments? Will reduce the cost in the long run.

Princessa

MJOR wrote: »

tell him its your fanny and you'll do what you like with it:D

Straight and to the point - brilliant.

If he insists on you paying for the brazillians and you cant afford them then...Tell him phew its a relief that your not going down on me anymore, the dog drinking water from his bowl has more skill than you do.

If he's willing to pay to keep you all neat and trimmed then off you go and enjoy not DIYing.

dotsman

dotsman wrote: »

There is, however, a more romantic solution. You say you have difficulty shaving everything down there. Why not have him do it (perhaps followed by a massage with oils etc) as a prelude to oral? That way, everyone's a winner!

OP wrote:

And before anyone suggests I have him do the waxing...This is a very clumsy man..Not a chance of me letting him do that.

I'd say that goes for shaving as well...
and personally speaking I wouldn't find it romantic nor want him to do it at all.

greenman09

Wtf is an infraction? Can that sliver guy not see a joke. On topic id make him pay. I know if it was my gf she'd say 'pay or no play'

dragona

Oryx wrote: »

I Otherwise if he refuses you oral, buy a vibrator and do THAT diy.

Oooh -has anyone found a vibrator that does oral??:D

Surely him giving you oral sex is not dependant on you being totally waxed? These are tough times financially -waxing the *lady garden* (haha had to say that, my 13yr old daughter cries with laughter everytime I say it :D:D ) is a luxury and not a necessity - if the cash is short, it's short. During tough times, one needs all the oral one can get..........:)

Tell him you have suddenly developed a peanut butter *thing*, none for him unless it is smothered..........:)

Fad

daiixi wrote: »

Aside from the fact that your husband is an arse, how about looking into laser treatments? Will reduce the cost in the long run.

I dont think many women are willing for someone to go at their nether regions with a laser!

greenman09 wrote: »

Wtf is an infraction? Can that sliver guy not see a joke. On topic id make him pay. I know if it was my gf she'd say 'pay or no play'

This isnt After Hours.........

Seriously though OP, either your husband pays for it (provided you're willing) AND gets it done himself, or you tell him to get stuffed

Wibbs

greenman09 wrote: »

Wtf is an infraction? Can that sliver guy not see a joke.

An infraction is an official warning. If you read the charter you would have noted, that "jokes" of the nature in your post are not welcome on this forum. If you had read the charter of this forum you would also have noted commenting on a mod action on thread is also against the charter of PI. As you're new around her I would suggest you please familiarise yourself with the rules and regs of this forum, or you will get banned. Thanks.

LegacyUser

To the person that suggested having my OH shave me:

That's not on! I think many men don't understand what's involved in a true Brazilian wax. We are talking about the hair being taken off the labia, the anus and periaenum, including hairs which are growing..erm...internally. Doing that with a razor is next to impossible because the areas involved are hidden and very curvy. I can't even imagine having my husband who regularly nicks himself shaving his face performing such a feat!

To get the true Brazilian effect, which I just described, you really need a professional. As I mentioned, I like to keep things very trimmed with scissors and also some shaving on a DIY basis, but there is no way I'm going to get the same results that a professional waxer would.

And what he wants- bless him- is everything completely bare underneath, completely smooth, not a hair, with only a very small patch, or "landing strip" in front. Not possible unless you go to a salon.

It's not getting the the Brazilian I mind...It's the expense. I think times are going to get much worse, so spending 60-70 a month for waxing is completely frivolous...Technically we can afford it...for now at least. These days it seems almost obscene to waste money on such a thing.

kingtut

Tell him firstly to go fu*k himself and secondly tell him to grow up and get a life. How dare he treat you as an object! Doesn't he realise that there is more to you than what's between your legs.

Make him get a full on wax!! A*s and all

Zaph

kingtut wrote: »

Tell him firstly to go fu*k himself

kingtut, tone it down a bit please, ok?

kingtut

Zaph wrote: »

kingtut, tone it down a bit please, ok?

Sorry if that came across as too strong Zaph but given the way this woman is being treated by her husband I felt it was a perfectly appropriate response (and bluewolf used the f word also).
Apologies if it offended anyone.

MIN2511

Unregistered wrote: »

To the person that suggested having my OH shave me:

That's not on! I think many men don't understand what's involved in a true Brazilian wax. We are talking about the hair being taken off the labia, the anus and periaenum, including hairs which are growing..erm...internally. Doing that with a razor is next to impossible because the areas involved are hidden and very curvy. I can't even imagine having my husband who regularly nicks himself shaving his face performing such a feat!

To get the true Brazilian effect, which I just described, you really need a professional. As I mentioned, I like to keep things very trimmed with scissors and also some shaving on a DIY basis, but there is no way I'm going to get the same results that a professional waxer would.

And what he wants- bless him- is everything completely bare underneath, completely smooth, not a hair, with only a very small patch, or "landing strip" in front. Not possible unless you go to a salon.

It's not getting the the Brazilian I mind...It's the expense. I think times are going to get much worse, so spending 60-70 a month for waxing is completely frivolous...Technically we can afford it...for now at least. These days it seems almost obscene to waste money on such a thing.

I know a lady who does home service for €30/€40, pm me if you want her details.


My take on things are, he may like it but its an "expense" whether or not its worth it is for you to decide.

I would put it this way, do you like/enjoy oral? Do you constantly want it? If you do, then your answer is to get your bits waxed-no pain no gain

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

To the person that suggested having my OH shave me:

That's not on! I think many men don't understand what's involved in a true Brazilian wax.

Doing that with a razor is next to impossible because the areas involved are hidden and very curvy. !

To get the true Brazilian effect, which I just described, you really need a professional.

And what he wants- bless him- is everything completely bare underneath, completely smooth, not a hair, with only a very small patch, or "landing strip" in front. Not possible unless you go to a salon.

Its very possible to do with a razor, granted it does take a bit of time , but when herself and I get down to it, its a great bit of teasing . I have no problem being down there for 30 mins carefully doing the job. (Yes i can do the 'whole' lot, havent nicked her yet, touch wood) also the anticipation it gives both parties means its always a great shag afterwards !

Just my two cents

Stheno

Unregistered wrote: »

Its very possible to do with a razor, granted it does take a bit of time , but when herself and I get down to it, its a great bit of teasing . I have no problem being down there for 30 mins carefully doing the job. (Yes i can do the 'whole' lot, havent nicked her yet, touch wood) also the anticipation it gives both parties means its always a great shag afterwards !

Just my two cents

+1, takes time, is very teasing, but great for building trust and confidence imo

And it makes for great oral afterwards

hot2def

I think the expense issue has inadvertantly exposed the fact the your husband is an a$s.


Tell him to get himself a poodle and leave you alone - you'll do it when you feel like it/feel like spending the money

vorbis

jaysus some harsh words towards the husband here. Some people are sounding like militant feminists. I'd wager that this is a routine that has evolved over the course of the marriage OP. I'd imagine well hope that he pays for other stuff and that in general you feel that both of ye are contributing financially to the marriage??

If thats the case then the expense part here is misleading. If he's say paying 70% of the mortgage then him insisting on you paying for brazilian waxes is obviously less of a problem. As you said yourself, ye can currently afford it. Your main concern appears to be that the worsening economy could lead to you losing your job and thus not being able to afford it.

Personally unless that is pretty likely (and I'm no major optimist, got laid off last year) I wouldn't worry unduly about it. If your husband is contributing his share to the marriage and you as you say don't actually mind the waxes then there's no problem. Deal with worst case scenarios when they actually happen.

Overheal

I wouldnt have seen the problem with him asking if you would keep it waxed except that currently he isnt paying for it, which seems a bit silly to me. Do you pay for his condoms also? Assuming you use condoms. Otherwise it seems fair game to file the request. Im sure if you insisted on it he'd shave/trim/wax his bits - not that you want him to necessarily.

Leslie91

I would imagine most men like to see their female friend's privates maintained, myself included.

Having said that demanding that she has a brazilian else no oral is wrong. He needs to get a grip (excuse the pun) imho.

dotsman

bluewolf wrote: »

I'd say that goes for shaving as well...
and personally speaking I wouldn't find it romantic nor want him to do it at all.

Unregistered wrote: »

To the person that suggested having my OH shave me:

That's not on! I think many men don't understand what's involved in a true Brazilian wax. We are talking about the hair being taken off the labia, the anus and periaenum, including hairs which are growing..erm...internally. Doing that with a razor is next to impossible because the areas involved are hidden and very curvy. I can't even imagine having my husband who regularly nicks himself shaving his face performing such a feat!

To get the true Brazilian effect, which I just described, you really need a professional. As I mentioned, I like to keep things very trimmed with scissors and also some shaving on a DIY basis, but there is no way I'm going to get the same results that a professional waxer would.

And what he wants- bless him- is everything completely bare underneath, completely smooth, not a hair, with only a very small patch, or "landing strip" in front. Not possible unless you go to a salon.

It's not getting the the Brazilian I mind...It's the expense. I think times are going to get much worse, so spending 60-70 a month for waxing is completely frivolous...Technically we can afford it...for now at least. These days it seems almost obscene to waste money on such a thing.

Apologies! never saw in the first part about you thinking he's too clumsy to do it.

That being said, I have done it before for girls (several times for 2 different girls) and did an expert job if I say so (and experienced) myself:D. I know it's not the easiest environment, but with a little patience and perseverance (and a few kisses along the way;)), trust me - it's not that difficult to do. As for finding it romantic - different strokes for different folks I guess, but I enjoyed it and both girls did as well (very much so!)

As I said in my first post, I do think what he's doing (the ultimatum) is pretty selfish and immature. What you need to do is look at what he's like with other things. Is he always of the attitude of "my way or the highway"? When watching tv, must it always be what he wants to watch? When you go out, does he dictate where to go and throw a tantrum if he doesn't get his way? If so, then I'm afraid you married an a$$hole and have bigger problems than your pubes. If he's generally considerate and compromising, then I would say that this is something that he just feels very strongly about and is dealing with it badly.

If this is the case, you have 4 options that I can see:

1. Ignore the problem and hope he gives in (could take a while, and possibly be the start of a miserable sex life)
2. Give in and not say anything (in which case you might encourage him to act this way in the future - best to avoid!)
3. Escalate the issue by demanding that he waxes his parts or by refusing him oral until he returns the favour (this is the worst option in my opinion. There's enough people on this forum complaining of a lackluster sex-life without another couple adding to it! - Nobody wins in a fight like this).
4. Talk to him, explaining how you feel (you do want to wax, and appreciate that he likes it like that, but you are trying to prioritise your spending). Is he willing to forego some other small luxury (Sky Sports subscription, cut down on an expensive hobby/socialising etc)?

Ultimately this is all about communication (and nothing to do with your garden - or lack thereof!). You both generally agree with each other, but have slightly different priorities regarding what you consider luxuries. Don't just give in and let him get his way (as his approach - the ultimatum - was unacceptable), but at the same time, don't escalate this and let this problem get bigger than it already is (and should be). Be calm and talk to him and focus on the endgame (you enjoying lots and lots of oral:D)

Dudess

TheZohan wrote: »

From a male prspective there's nothing as bad as trying to give oral and ending up with a mouth full of pubes.

Waxing is the way forward!

If you ask him to contribute towards the cost of the waxing I'm sure he, like most men, would.

I didn't know "waxing" meant a full Brazilian.

dragona wrote: »

Oooh -has anyone found a vibrator that does oral??:D

Put the vibrator on the right place and you can experience similar delights.

the *lady garden* (haha had to say that, my 13yr old daughter cries with laughter everytime I say it :D:D )

Yeah, I love that phrase too!

Unregistered wrote: »

That's not on! I think many men don't understand what's involved in a true Brazilian wax. We are talking about the hair being taken off the labia, the anus and periaenum, including hairs which are growing..erm...internally.
And what he wants- bless him- is everything completely bare underneath, completely smooth, not a hair, with only a very small patch, or "landing strip" in front.

That would be the pubescent look. Seriously, what a major load of hassle, not to mind expense. Are you really ok with it? It's absolutely unreasonable of him, I think.

These days it seems almost obscene to waste money on such a thing.

Damn straight. Worst financial crisis in aeons and his main concern is how his wife's flange looks. Nice.

vorbis wrote: »

jaysus some harsh words towards the husband here. Some people are sounding like militant feminists.

Hardly. The husband wants her to get every single hair removed (bar a light "landing strip") including from hard to reach places... or else no oral. Nothing militantly feminist about finding that completely unreasonable.

greenman09 wrote: »

Wtf is an infraction? Can that sliver guy not see a joke. On topic id make him pay. I know if it was my gf she'd say 'pay or no play'

"That sliver guy" (Silverfish) is a girl... :rolleyes:

Leslie91 wrote: »

I would imagine most men like to see their female friend's privates maintained, myself included.

Indeed. A forest is not sexy, nor is it hygienic. And apparently it can lead to skin irritation. Waxing any excess, and trimming are perfectly reasonable. I think most women prefer such a regime themselves. A Brazilian though is completely unnecessary. Just something popularised by Sex and the City - that oh so pioneering programme for women :rolleyes: - as something women need to be "sexier"...

OP, I think you should tell him to get over himself, not just get him to pay for the waxing. It doesn't seem like you should have to go to the trouble of getting it done at all.

mayblue

well, it can be that simple.... either he pays for your waxing, as it is a treat for him after all.... or if he says that he won't give you oral if you don't, you tell him and you won't give him a bj unless he shaves.... see how he likes to have his genital under threat of a razor

anyway, if he loves you he shouldn't be so unreasonable especially if you are already looking after yourself in the way you described, he's just being picky!

jenbyrne23

They're not that expensive - €45 in the Beauty Studio in Dun Laoghaire

They're worth it and only need to be done every 5 or 6 weeks depending on hair growth.

Some places are charging through the roof for these waxes but the Beauty Studio are great value and the girls there - Lorraine, Hillary and Therase - are experts and very professional.

I have a phobia about hair so I can understand why your husband is being a bit choosy about it but that's not to say I agree totally of course, he is your husband and should be more considerate maybe

beth-lou

Eh....... do you want a Brazilian?

It's your body, and while it's nice to do something for your hubby, a Brazilian is fairly painful and the extreme end of bush maintenance. Is it something you like regardless of the cost, or is it purely for his pleasure?

LegacyUser

I had to stop getting waxed a few years back due to lack of funds too so I feel your pain! (scuse the pun!!)

However on the upside, I do think you should reconsider shaving, at first (can hardly remember now) I was nervous of it, but I can take everything off in seconds now. As long as you do it every day it really is no more hassle than doing under your arms.

You will develop your own technique, I can take off the lot and have never had a nick yet so far, touch wood!

Go with the hair growth though and not against as this can cause irritation! To protect your really intimate bits use your fingers, I can take the lot off, ass perenium, inner and outer lips (sorry all, please excuse the grossness of this post) in well less than a minute!

And all, just a fyi:
Hollywoord=all off
Brazilian=Just the hitler tash at the front

A Brazilian is not everything off! lol just had to clear that up!

NewFrockTuesday

Tell him to get himself a poodle and leave you alone

V funny


What about Immac-ing? Seems a good middle ground and is cheaper.

SeekUp

Unregistered wrote: »

However on the upside, I do think you should reconsider shaving, at first (can hardly remember now) I was nervous of it, but I can take everything off in seconds now. As long as you do it every day it really is no more hassle than doing under your arms. . . . I can take the lot off, ass perenium, inner and outer lips (sorry all, please excuse the grossness of this post) in well less than a minute!

That last bit is rather impressive! . . . although, after shaving throughout my teens and early 20s, I can't imagine why anyone would want to take a razor down there as often as you do under your arms. Then again, I tend to get rather irritated, and my hair is dark, so going with the grain doesn't really do anything except guarantee the stubble returns in 12 hours.

TMI, I know.

OP, why not compromise and just get waxed less often? I agree 100% about being careful about excess spending these days . . . and whether or not he's helping to pay for it, maybe it would be a good compromise to get it done every other month, rather than every month, or whatever you work out. You're saving a bit more, he's getting the look he likes, and you're both getting action. Win-win!

shellyboo

Deepsense wrote: »

What about Immac-ing? Seems a good middle ground and is cheaper.

Ooh, eep, stingy, ouch, no. No no no. And you can't apply Immac to your perineum - it actually says that on the box


The compromise above is a good one, I guess... but I'd be wanting him to go halfs at least.

LegacyUser

I had one and my boyfriend felt like a paedo and didn't want me to ever have another one. I was a bit upset since I had spent almost my entire week's money on something I thought he'd like. It depends if your OH is more used to changing nieces nappies or watching pornography I suppose.

I think everyone should try it once, you might like it.

LegacyUser

For the record, the kind of waxing I've been getting does leave a small bit of hair...a sort of triangle in front on the mons pubis area..So I don't think it's a paedo thing on my OH's part. Prepurbescent girls have no hair at all. As the lady at the waxing salon once told me, a Brazilian wax is all about what you take off the bottom/fanny area, not what you take off the front (mound.) So all the hair on the inner and outer lips, the perineum (finally figured out how to spell that!) and the "crack" for want of a more elegant term is gone, as is, of course any hair on the inner-thighs, legs, etc.

Again, I like the results because I enjoy the smooth feel and it makes things more sensitive for me during oral. The issue I'm having with my OH is that when I DIY it won't be completely hairless down below like a professional wax. He's gotten use to undercarriage being without a hair.

Supposedly the Brazilian wax orginally came from Brazil where the women do it so no hair will show when they wear the dental floss style bikinis..not sure if that's true.

I find it funny all of these men who claim they would never be with a woman who didn't have at least a Brazilian wax as it's a relatively new trend in this part of the world..Spoiled brats!!!

hot2def

Unregistered wrote: »

I find it funny all of these men who claim they would never be with a woman who didn't have at least a Brazilian wax as it's a relatively new trend in this part of the world..Spoiled brats!!!

+1