Totally ashamed of my mother

ainet

Me and my 3 year old daughter decided to rent a house with my mother(49), we all moved in last month.
Friday night my daughter stayed in her fathers house while me and my mam went out for a drink. At the end of the night some man start chatting up my mother, she brought him to our house for a few drinks. I hadnt a prob with that, until she start kissing him and feelin him up in our sittin room infront of me, i said thats disgusting and he had to tell her to stop infront of her daughter. I went to bed and locked my door.
The next morning i woke at 9 to hear him next door in my ma's bedroom having sex with my her, this went on til 12 o clock when i had enough and left my house and went over to my x boyfriends.
I got a txt of my mam at 4 asking was i ok, then another txt at 7 sayin she was off out with the man again and did i know his name.
I have to say im truly disgusted by her behaviour, i cant go home with my 3 year cos she certainly doesnt need to hear her granny having sex with a stranger.
I sent her a txt this morning telling her how i feel about it and she hasnt replied, he must be there with her.

Am i over reacting to the whole situation?

St Bill

Hi OP, I don't think your mother has done anything wrong, but I can imagine how hard it was for you to see her that way. Less importantly, but still part of the issue, you've just moved in together so you're getting to know each other's ways again. Your mother might be feeling embarrassed at this stage. And I know if I were in your position, I'd be mortified. You'll both have to bring it out in the open and find a common ground you feel comfortable with.

ainet

St Bill wrote: »

Hi OP, I don't think your mother has done anything wrong, but I can imagine how hard it was for you to see her that way. Less importantly, but still part of the issue, you've just moved in together so you're getting to know each other's ways again. Your mother might be feeling embarrassed at this stage. And I know if I were in your position, I'd be mortified. You'll both have to bring it out in the open and find a common ground you feel comfortable with.

Thanks, i don't want to come down too hard on her then if it's just me, i'm just completely against one night stands and especially my mother havin a ONS infront of me.
I hope to god she'd never do that if my 3 year was in the house.

LegacyUser

ainet wrote: »

Am I over reacting to the whole situation?

One one hand she's entitled to bring someone home as it's 'her place too' but on the other hand I think she could have consulted with you first. I would also be wary of strange people in the house with a little three year old there. Ye will need to make arrangements for the future though.

St Bill

Ah she was out for a few drinks, one thing probably led to another. However it's very hard for you to see your mother in that way. She'd have to appreciate your discomfort. With regards to your daughter, well your mother didn't do this with your daughter in the house. She probably doesn't want to upset your daughter. Talk to her about your worries anyway. Clear lines will need to be laid down.

LadyGodiva

I feel for you Ainet talk to her asap. I think she is testing you tbh, if you dont talk it may get worse. Of course your Mums sex life is her business, but feeling a guy up in front of you to the extent where HE asks her to stop is a different issue
Good luck:)

wasper

ainet wrote: »

Me and my 3 year old daughter decided to rent a house with my mother(49), we all moved in last month.
Friday night my daughter stayed in her fathers house while me and my mam went out for a drink. At the end of the night some man start chatting up my mother, she brought him to our house for a few drinks. I hadnt a prob with that, until she start kissing him and feelin him up in our sittin room infront of me, i said thats disgusting and he had to tell her to stop infront of her daughter. I went to bed and locked my door.
The next morning i woke at 9 to hear him next door in my ma's bedroom having sex with my her, this went on til 12 o clock when i had enough and left my house and went over to my x boyfriends.
I got a txt of my mam at 4 asking was i ok, then another txt at 7 sayin she was off out with the man again and did i know his name.
I have to say im truly disgusted by her behaviour, i cant go home with my 3 year cos she certainly doesnt need to hear her granny having sex with a stranger.
I sent her a txt this morning telling her how i feel about it and she hasnt replied, he must be there with her.

Am i over reacting to the whole situation?

You should print your posting here & in 20 years when you bring a man home & your daughter get disgusted by her mother we will have a full circle.
Your mother is still young & healthy. Why deny her the pleasures of life?

Terodil

Unregistered wrote: »

One one hand she's entitled to bring someone home as it's 'her place too' but on the other hand I think she could have consulted with you first. I would also be wary of strange people in the house with a little three year old there. Ye will need to make arrangements for the future though.

Well, while I am not comfortable with the concept of ONS, I don't think anybody is in a position to comment/interfere/expect consultation. They're two adults, they can do what they want as long as both consent.

To be quite frank I think the OP has more of a problem of seeing her mother engaged in sexual activity with a stranger (a perfectly human reaction which is understandable, I'm not attacking you here, OP) instead of the fear for the kid. Kids of 3 years have no clue what's going on and would just turn away bored.

@OP: You asked for opinions -- mine would be that you really shouldn't blow this out of proportions. Your mum (I suppose she's not married / didn't cheat in that context) is really entitled to some fun and if ONS are the way to go for her, then you should be happy for her that she's found a way to lead a fulfilling life. (I'm also beginning to feel that it's not a ONS after all if she goes out with the man in question again -- perhaps it's love and that was the first time she brought him home?)

If I were you I'd apologise for having a go at her, but also make her understand that you personally do not like to see her engage in sexual activities in front of you or your kid. Tell her that you're fine with them disappearing in the bedroom

ainet

I would NEVER do that to my daughter. Now or in 20 years time. Obviously I think that's wrong or I wouldn't have posted here.
I know she's still young and needs to live her life but she could have easily went to his house if she wanted to have sex with him.
I don't need to hear my own mother having a one night stand with a complete stranger.
I don't agree with her bringing him home to "our" home.
I just got a txt that he spent the night with her there again last nite. Not impressed.

spurious

Talk to your mother and put in place arrangements for when she wants to bring someone home again.

I hope your daughter isn't as judgmental about you.

ainet

wasper wrote: »

You should print your posting here & in 20 years when you bring a man home & your daughter get disgusted by her mother we will have a full circle.
Your mother is still young & healthy. Why deny her the pleasures of life?

wasper, i take it u would be completely comfortable listening to you mother in the next room having sex with a complete stranger who she picked up at the end of the night??? She didnt even know his name this morning!!

Terodil

ainet wrote: »

I would NEVER do that to my daughter. Now or in 20 years time. Obviously I think that's wrong or I wouldn't have posted here.
I know she's still young and needs to live her life but she could have easily went to his house if she wanted to have sex with him.
I don't need to hear my own mother having a one night stand with a complete stranger.
I don't agree with her bringing him home to "our" home.
I just got a txt that he spent the night with her there again last nite. Not impressed.

Why are you posting here then? To hear that you are completely in the right?

That is exactly your problem from my point of view. You cannot bear the thought of your mother leading a life independent of yours.

To be honest, I'm rather sorry for your mother.

As I said, she could have shown some more consideration for you, and you could well tell her that, but you're definitely going OTT here.

aare

Well, I guess you know now that life doesn't stop at 40? That has to be good news on some level?:)

What bothers me is that you, and your mum, didn't sit down and sort all this stuff out before you moved in together? You are going to have to now.

You can't make this about personal morality, you don't have the right to dictate that to each other. If your mum is comfortable with sex on the first night (this doesn't sound like any "one night stand" to me, more of a wild weekend and maybe the beginning of a relationship) that is her own business, but it is up to both of you to create an appropriate environment for your daughter, and, I agree with you, there is no place for strange men in the bathroom in that!

Seems to me it would be best if you both played it by "single parent rules" and kept partners away from your daughter until they are established, stable relationships, and, even then, introduced them in a careful, controlled way.

...and if that makes me a spoilsport, you can tell your mum that:

• She should have thought this stuff out before moving in with her Granddaughter
• She can do what she likes when her Grandaughter isn't in the house
• Hotels are dirt cheap at present, and much more glamourous

...oh, and I am a little older than your mum, so I DO understand...

Beruthiel

ainet wrote: »

I don't need to hear my own mother having a one night stand with a complete stranger.
I don't agree with her bringing him home to "our" home.
I just got a txt that he spent the night with her there again last nite. Not impressed.

The older you get, the more you realise that you should live in the now.
You have no right to judge her for having a one night stand if she wishes to, there is nothing wrong with that.
In fact, I say fair play to her for still having a bit of go in her!

If you do not like her behaviour, I would suggest you move out.
I will never understand how anyone can still live with their parents once they become an adult. For all sorts of reasons, the above being one of them.

ainet

Beruthiel wrote: »

The older you get, the more you realise that you should live in the now.
You have no right to judge her for having a one night stand if she wishes to, there is nothing wrong with that.
In fact, I say fair play to her for still having a bit of go in her!

If you do not like her behaviour, I would suggest you move out.
I will never understand how anyone can still live with their parents once they become an adult. For all sorts of reasons, the above being one of them.

It's not by choice that I rented with mother, I can't afford rent and bills on my own.

Beruthiel

ainet wrote: »

It's not by choice that I rented with mother, I can't afford rent and bills on my own.

Then find someone else to share with.

You are projecting on her and expecting her to behave to standards that if you are honest, you wouldn't hold yourself to.
Unless of course, you are telling us, that if you met some really hot bloke that you were really attracted to, you would still not jump his bones.
I'm the mother of a 21 year old and if some Brad Pitt/Johnny Depp look alike was within my grasp, (and I was single) I'd be telling my daughter to find somewhere else to stay for the night or use some earplugs!

aare

Beruthiel wrote: »

The older you get, the more you realise that you should live in the now.

Hmmm...perhaps speak for yourself on that one? Though *my* mother would probably agree with you, age does not obligate anyone towards hedonistic nihilism, unless they want to go there...but if they do, they have that right.

Apart from which, I basically agree with you, though, in practical terms, having rented a house together, I doubt if there is a realistic way to dismantle that arrangement immediately...for either of them.

These are tough times, and people have to "make do", in which case there has to be some communication, and a few boundaries to help everybody stay within their rights and their comfort zones.

Jack B. Badd

"Hedonistic nihilism" from (at worst) a one night stand is a bit of a leap!

The OP and her mother should have discussed ground rules when (or before) they moved in together. However, since her 3 year old grand-daughter was out of the house I can't see how she did anything wrong. The OP's an adult and presumably isn't so fragile that she can't handle having a few of the edges knocked off her.

OP, sit down with your mother and lay out some ground rules/guidelines/compromises for co-habitating. Your mother isn't obliged to be a saint just because you can't afford to rent your own place. To me, it sounds like she's probably doing you favour by moving in with you.

aare

Beruthiel wrote: »

...and if some Brad Pitt/Johnny Depp look alike was within my grasp, (and I was single) I'd be telling my daughter to find somewhere else to stay for the night or use some earplugs!

Me too...until you factor in the 3 year old Granddaughter...who should be the most important person in all this. NO WAY should she see strange men in her own home.

That being said, I don't think ainet should even think about sitting in judgement on her mother's choices...that is just none of her business...but I do think she has a right to explain how uncomfortable she is, and negotiate some compromise...the same way you would about any other housekeeping standards.

I do not think there should be strange men in the bedrooms around a 3 year old who would probably find all that strangeness very unsettling indeed.
I do not think it is appropriate to vanish down some guys throat in front of anyone who is embarassed by it, whether you gave birth to them or not.

Beyond that, when the little girl is away, and everybody is tucked up in bed for the night, regarding "bedspring music":

Years ago I lived in a block of flats where the soundproofing had been botched, in consequence we could all hear each other's intimate lives in dolby surround sound - and then some.

This was the 70s, the flats were full of single women, so there was a LOT of "intimate life" going on.

As soon as I moved in, the woman above me came down, explained, apologised, and told me that what worked best for everybody was to learn to ignore it...and to explain that to new people when they came in.

That worked for all of us for years.

peekyboo

Am I the only one who can see where the OP is coming from? If that was my mother/sister/friend feeling a man up in front of me then spending the wkend with him and not knowing his name I would be pretty disgusted too. When it's your mother you'd expect a little more dignity.

OP, this might be a taste of what's to come so maybe you need to establish some ground rules before it happens again.

Good luck

aare

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

"Hedonistic nihilism" from (at worst) a one night stand is a bit of a leap!

No, it was more about:

***
The older you get, the more you realise that you should live in the now.
***

Because, frankly, I have gone the other way...I am MORE focussed on the future now than ever before in my life (seriously)...and I went right off "one night stands" (even with exceptionally pretty boys) before I was 40...but apart from that, I think you are about as right as I am...

"No badd" for a guy.:D

MagicMarker

Fair play to her tbh.

In fairness OP, when you decided to live with her, did you just think she's be sitting around drinking cocoa and watching Eastenders?

She's not getting any younger and she's decided to enjoy the single life, something she probably never got to do before.

However, I do agree that ground rules should have been put in place for instances such as this.

ainet

peekyboo wrote: »

Am I the only one who can see where the OP is coming from? If that was my mother/sister/friend feeling a man up in front of me then spending the wkend with him and not knowing his name I would be pretty disgusted too. When it's your mother you'd expect a little more dignity.

OP, this might be a taste of what's to come so maybe you need to establish some ground rules before it happens again.

Good luck

Thank you peekyboo. I really cannot understand where all the other posters are coming from...have people no morals.
I have discussed it with my sister and her husband and they are totally disgusted.

ainet

Beruthiel wrote: »

Then find someone else to share with.

You are projecting on her and expecting her to behave to standards that if you are honest, you wouldn't hold yourself to.
Unless of course, you are telling us, that if you met some really hot bloke that you were really attracted to, you would still not jump his bones.
I'm the mother of a 21 year old and if some Brad Pitt/Johnny Depp look alike was within my grasp, (and I was single) I'd be telling my daughter to find somewhere else to stay for the night or use some earplugs!

I can tell you 100% that I would NEVER bring a stranger home to where my daughter was and have sex with him no matter what he looked like.
And I certainly would NOT be all over any man infornt of my daugher or anyone for that matter, but especially not infront of my daugher.
I actually feel sorry for ur 21 year if you would seriously make her leave her home for the night so you could have sex with some "hot bloke". GET A HOTEL and don't be so SELFISH.

Jack B. Badd

ainet wrote: »

have people no morals.

Yes, people do have morals. They're just not yours.

MagicMarker

ainet wrote: »

I can tell you 100% that I would NEVER bring a stranger home to where my daughter was and have sex with him no matter what he looked like.
And I certainly would NOT be all over any man infornt of my daugher or anyone for that matter, but especially not infront of my daugher.
I actually feel sorry for ur 21 year if you would seriously make her leave her home for the night so you could have sex with some "hot bloke". GET A HOTEL and don't be so SELFISH.

Why did you even post here?

aare

peekyboo wrote: »

If that was my mother/sister/friend feeling a man up in front of me

I am with you ALL the way on this...that would creep me out totally...whoever did it, and it would be too much to expect me to tolerate it in my own home.

peekyboo wrote: »

then spending the wkend with him and not knowing his name I would be pretty disgusted too.

But I can't go here with you.

Apart from the fact that I most certainly HAVE taken off for wild weekends (and WAY worse) with strange men myself, and the fact that I haven't done it LATELY does not give me a licence to practice hypocrasy, we have no business making other people's choices for them. We all get to choose our own sexual ethics.

(I have a sneaking feeling that the text asking his name might have been a little bit of fun though.)

peekyboo wrote: »

When it's your mother you'd expect a little more dignity.

Only up to the same point where I would expect dignity from anyone else...which is basic good manners.

peekyboo wrote: »

OP, this might be a taste of what's to come so maybe you need to establish some ground rules before it happens again.

But see? I wind up agreeing with you again at the end after all.

*GROUND RULES* are a must...on both sides...or this is never going to work out.

ainet

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

"Hedonistic nihilism" from (at worst) a one night stand is a bit of a leap!

The OP and her mother should have discussed ground rules when (or before) they moved in together. However, since her 3 year old grand-daughter was out of the house I can't see how she did anything wrong. The OP's an adult and presumably isn't so fragile that she can't handle having a few of the edges knocked off her.

OP, sit down with your mother and lay out some ground rules/guidelines/compromises for co-habitating. Your mother isn't obliged to be a saint just because you can't afford to rent your own place. To me, it sounds like she's probably doing you favour by moving in with you.

We did each other a favour, she couldn't afford her rent on her own and either could I so we moved in together.
In all fairness, I hardly thought I had to tell my mother that it was unacceptable behaviour to be bringing strange men home for the night and half the next day.
And no my daughther wasn't there THAT NIGHT, but I couldn't bring my daughter home the next morning because he was there until half 3 that day.

Jack B. Badd

ainet wrote: »

In all fairness, I hardly thought I had to tell my mother that it was unacceptable behaviour to be bringing strange men home for the night and half the next day.

Start thinking, sweetheart. Your mother's not a mind reader any more than you are. You need to discuss the situation with her - not tell her what to do.

ainet wrote: »

And no my daughther wasn't there THAT NIGHT, but I couldn't bring my daughter home the next morning because he was there until half 3 that day.

This is a good starting point for discussing those ground rules I mentioned earlier.

Keano

OP you post here to ask people's opinions and it is hard to take on board that the majority of people dont see a problem with your mother living her life.

Edit: Set ground rules is the way forward.

aare

ainet wrote: »

I can tell you 100% that I would NEVER bring a stranger home to where my daughter was and have sex with him no matter what he looked like..

I don't think I would, either, because I honestly would not feel comfortable myself doing that - actually I don't feel comfortable having sex with ANY third party in the house at all...but that doesn't mean I have the right to expect the rest of the world to feel the same way.

ainet wrote: »

And I certainly would NOT be all over any man infornt of my daugher or anyone for that matter, but especially not infront of my daugher.

I am totally with you on that when it comes to private homes, and small groups of people. In fact I honestly cannot think of anything ruder than forcing any one other person to play "gooseberry" in a private setting.

ainet wrote: »

I actually feel sorry for ur 21 year if you would seriously make her leave her home for the night so you could have sex with some "hot bloke". GET A HOTEL and don't be so SELFISH.

However, just as it is not for Beruthiel to speak for all us "old folks" when it come to any inner compulsion to "live in the moment" it is surely not for you to berate Beruthiel for how she lives her life. If Beruthiel jr doesn't mind, why should you?

You HAVE to discuss these things with your mother to be able to share your home amicably, but if you are going to take such a judgemental attitude to your own mother that discussion will go nowhere.

You have to seperate the things you have a right to feel, from the things you have a right to demand to be able to come to realistic terms with each other.

Beruthiel

ainet wrote: »

I can tell you 100% that I would NEVER bring a stranger home to where my daughter was and have sex with him no matter what he looked like.
And I certainly would NOT be all over any man infornt of my daugher or anyone for that matter, but especially not infront of my daugher.
I actually feel sorry for ur 21 year if you would seriously make her leave her home for the night so you could have sex with some "hot bloke". GET A HOTEL and don't be so SELFISH.

Wow. Haven't you got some issues....

First off, you say your daughter wasn't at home that night. As you are a grown adult at this stage, then you're mother was perfectly entitled to do what she did.
Despite how you paint her, she wasn't doing this in front of a small child. If she were, I'd have an entirely different opinion of the situation.

Again, if you cannot accept that your mother has the right to live her life as she chooses then you need to move out and find someone else with the same unattainable standards as your good self.

Don't feel sorry for my daughter btw, she great. She knows I'm as human as the next and gets that she has no right to judge me, as I wouldn't her.

DeCoR18

Beruthiel wrote: »

You have no right to judge her for having a one night stand if she wishes to, there is nothing wrong with that.

Well thats a matter of opinion is it not Beruthiel?

OP has absolutely EVERY right to judge her mothers behaviour, do you know why? Because the OP holds herself to a higher standard than her mother has. If the OP has had a one night stand before then no she would not have a right to judge her.

As for saying there is nothing wrong with one night stands, its quite interesting to me that members with attitudes such as this are allowed mod anything never mind personal issues.

Nothing wrong with one night stands? How about they are extremely dangerous? Chance of pregnancy from somebody you will most likely never see again? The unbelieveable immorality of it?

DeCoR18

ainet wrote: »

Thank you peekyboo. I really cannot understand where all the other posters are coming from...have people no morals.
I have discussed it with my sister and her husband and they are totally disgusted.

About 1% (im serious) of boards.ie understand the concept of a moral or ethical code.

Mena

DeCoR18 wrote: »

Well thats a matter of opinion is it not Beruthiel?

OP has absolutely EVERY right to judge her mothers behaviour, do you know why? Because the OP holds herself to a higher standard than her mother has. If the OP has had a one night stand before then no she would not have a right to judge her.

As for saying there is nothing wrong with one night stands, its quite interesting to me that members with attitudes such as this are allowed mod anything never mind personal issues.

Nothing wrong with one night stands? How about they are extremely dangerous? Chance of pregnancy from somebody you will most likely never see again? The unbelieveable immoralality of it?

Say what now? Have I woken up 60 years ago? Her mother is a grown woman living her life. There was no child in the house. She has every right to do whatever the hell she wants and frankly, she has the right not to be judged.

Jeez :mad:

DeCoR18 wrote:

About 1% (im serious) of boards.ie understand the concept of a moral or ethical code.

Source for that please, or is it just another outdated opinion?

MagicMarker

DeCoR18 wrote: »

Well thats a matter of opinion is it not Beruthiel?

OP has absolutely EVERY right to judge her mothers behaviour, do you know why? Because the OP holds herself to a higher standard than her mother has. If the OP has had a one night stand before then no she would not have a right to judge her.

As for saying there is nothing wrong with one night stands, its quite interesting to me that members with attitudes such as this are allowed mod anything never mind personal issues.

Nothing wrong with one night stands? How about they are extremely dangerous? Chance of pregnancy from somebody you will most likely never see again? The unbelieveable immoralality of it?

lol

While I'm here, can I just mention that it's never good to feed the troll.

miss_shadow

Why is everyone backing the mother here.her behaviour is appalling! No excuse for it. To bring in some fella,not knowing his name an all, christ. A child lives in that house too, so the energy of that kind of event will linger, and don't think it won't. Tell your mum to cop on or cop out.

aare

ainet wrote: »

We did each other a favour, she couldn't afford her rent on her own and either could I so we moved in together.

Makes a lot of sense, and has a lot of onboard "babysitting advantages" (What??? Like that doesn't count? ). So did you move into her home, or did you take on a new house together?

ainet wrote: »

In all fairness, I hardly thought I had to tell my mother that it was unacceptable behaviour to be bringing strange men home for the night and half the next day.

I don't think you have any business EVER telling your mother that (or vice versa) but, I think you should sit down and DISCUSS (not declare) how uncomfortable you are with it.

ainet wrote: »

And no my daughther wasn't there THAT NIGHT, but I couldn't bring my daughter home the next morning because he was there until half 3 that day.

To me that is a no brainer, if your mother knows the time your daughter is expected back then you should be able to expect that all "unsuitable" things (half empty glasses of G&T were my favourites at your daughter's age) were cleared out of the way in good time for her to come home.

Start with that.

DeCoR18

MagicMarker wrote: »

lol

Good advice for the OP here, now why don't you f_uck off before we're overwhelmed with more of your enlightened thoughts.

DeCoR18

Mena wrote: »

Say what now? Have I woken up 60 years ago? Her mother is a grown woman living her life. There was no child in the house. She has every right to do whatever the hell she wants and frankly, she has the right not to be judged.

Jeez :mad:



Source for that please, or is it just another outdated opinion?

Hey if you think being a slut is some sort of post modern virtue, go ahead and keep living that lifestyle.

ainet

aare wrote: »

Makes a lot of sense, and has a lot of onboard "babysitting advantages" (What??? Like that doesn't count? ). So did you move into her home, or did you take on a new house together?



I don't think you have any business EVER telling your mother that (or vice versa) but, I think you should sit down and DISCUSS (not declare) how uncomfortable you are with it.



To me that is a no brainer, if your mother knows the time your daughter is expected back then you should be able to expect that all "unsuitable" things (half empty glasses of G&T were my favourites at your daughter's age) were cleared out of the way in good time for her to come home.

Start with that.

We moved into a new house together. My mother doesn't do babysitting as she made very clear to both me and my sister years ago.
I don't ever tell my mother how to live her life, that's why I feel bad about having to have this discussion with her. I would be extremely happy for her if she got into a happy relationship. Can't see that happening if she's sleeping with men on the first night. It was only last month she had a different man in her bed, but that was in her apartment, so obviously I didn't have a problem at all with that other than hoping my mother wouldn't get a name for herself. Then again that's just my opinion.

aare

DeCoR18 wrote: »

Well thats a matter of opinion is it not Beruthiel?

Only if you are still either:

• Still partnered with the lady in question
• The other party in the one night stand (chloroform + handcuffs is ethically dodgy, EVEN in the Brad Pitt/Johnny Depp range)

DeCoR18 wrote: »

OP has absolutely EVERY right to judge her mothers behaviour, do you know why? Because the OP holds herself to a higher standard than her mother has. If the OP has had a one night stand before then no she would not have a right to judge her.

My mum (age = over 60 or I am dead meat) would consider you to be not worth listening to after a statement like that.

DeCoR18 wrote: »

As for saying there is nothing wrong with one night stands, its quite interesting to me that members with attitudes such as this are allowed mod anything never mind personal issues.

What is this supposed to be here?

http://www.prudes.ie?

I dislike "one night stands", because they do not meet my current needs (though they did, for a time, years ago) but then I also dislike boiled carrots...

I do not however condemn others, who, of their own free will, choose to peel, boil and devour the nasty orange things, whether in couples or in larger groups...and the same goes for one night stands...

DeCoR18 wrote: »

Nothing wrong with one night stands? How about they are extremely dangerous?

Yum yum...perhaps I COULD get a taste for them again...if I REALLY tried?

DeCoR18 wrote: »

Chance of pregnancy from somebody you will most likely never see again?

At 49?

DeCoR18 wrote: »

The unbelieveable immoralality of it?

That's just your *moralality*, it certainly isn't mine...

MagicMarker

ainet wrote: »

We moved into a new house together. My mother doesn't do babysitting as she made very clear to both me and my sister years ago.
I don't ever tell my mother how to live her life, that's why I feel bad about having to have this discussion with her. I would be extremely happy for her if she got into a happy relationship. Can't see that happening if she's sleeping with men on the first night. It was only last month she had a different man in her bed, but that was in her apartment, so obviously I didn't have a problem at all with that other than hoping my mother wouldn't get a name for herself. Then again that's just my opinion.

Hold on, so you knew that she had done this before? Not only that, but you didn't have a problem with it? Sorry, but why should she stop now? Because she lives with her daughter?

You only have yourself to blame here.

DeCoR18

aare wrote: »

Random ****

So would you tell a future partner all the details of your "wild" past?

Thanks.

DeCoR.

Beruthiel

ainet wrote: »

It was only last month she had a different man in her bed, but that was in her apartment

Then you haven't a leg to stand on I'm afraid. You knew exactly how she was living her life before you moved in with her.
If you wanted her to behave differently than she has in the past then you should have discussed that with her before you moved in together.

I didn't have a problem at all with that other than hoping my mother wouldn't get a name for herself.

lol
Seriously, this isn't the 1950's.

DeCoR18 wrote:

As for saying there is nothing wrong with one night stands, its quite interesting to me that members with attitudes such as this are allowed mod anything never mind personal issues

You're so right. How dare the site Admins have Mods who are open minded and able to get the fact that other people have the right to live their lives how they see fit.

aare

ainet wrote: »

We moved into a new house together. My mother doesn't do babysitting as she made very clear to both me and my sister years ago.

You passed the trick questions with flying colours there.

ainet wrote: »

I don't ever tell my mother how to live her life, that's why I feel bad about having to have this discussion with her. I would be extremely happy for her if she got into a happy relationship.

Trust me, it IS great to see your own mum in a happy relationship...I personally have the greatest stepdad on earth.

ainet wrote: »

Can't see that happening if she's sleeping with men on the first night. It was only last month she had a different man in her bed, but that was in her apartment, so obviously I didn't have a problem at all with that other than hoping my mother wouldn't get a name for herself. Then again that's just my opinion.

Ok, this is where I have to give you the hard word.

It looks to me as if, to an extent, the mother/daughter roles are reversed. It's unlikely that is only in your own mind (though it is possible).

Do you realise that, in many ways, you are actually coming across like "one of our lot", sounding off about moving in with her irresponsible single mother daughter?

Just as if that were true, you HAVE to get off her case. What you are saying is probably fair enough, but you can't live your mother's life for her, any more than she can live yours for you.

She is a big girl, she has to make her own mistakes, in her own time, just as you do...

But when your little girl is home you both have to pull together to create the closest thing you can to a perfect, safe world for her to explore...if you cannot do that together you cannot, relistically, go on living together.

But when your little girl is not home, or away from home, your lives are your own to live any way you choose.

Another good rule would be that neither of you should comment on the other's life choices unless asked.

Nevyn

DeCoR18 banned for a month for personal abuse and instults.

Magicmarker report trolltastic posts rather then commenting on them.


ainet you should have talked about what would be acceptable before you all moved
in together, it could well be that you will have to move out if you can't find a compromise.

aare

DeCoR18 wrote: »

So would you tell a future partner all the details of your "wild" past?

Thanks.

DeCoR.

But of course, why ever not?

When you get to my age you fall on your knees and thank the whole pantheon that you had the foresight to equip yourself, well in advance, with "a past"...after all...over time, that becomes the only thing that stands between you and being "just another ould wan".

Richard

peekyboo wrote: »

Am I the only one who can see where the OP is coming from? If that was my mother/sister/friend feeling a man up in front of me then spending the wkend with him and not knowing his name I would be pretty disgusted too. When it's your mother you'd expect a little more dignity.

OP, this might be a taste of what's to come so maybe you need to establish some ground rules before it happens again.

Good luck

You're not the only one. I totally agree. I presume the OP had no idea that this sort if thing was on the cards.

And, OP, there's nothing wrong about having moral values that may differ from the consensus on this thread.

Toots

OP, you and your mum need to set up some house rules. I think it would be very unreasonable for you to expect her to completely change her lifestyle because she is living with you. You are both giving each other a dig our in terms of accommodation, so a compromise needs to be reached.

Your mother is a grown woman, and if she decides to have a one night stand, more power to her, she's 49, she's not drawing the pension yet However, some people have the sort of relationship with their mothers that they're like best friends as opposed to mother and daughter, and they may be ok with her having a ONS.

As I said you need to reach a compromise, maybe agree that it's ok for her to have a man over, so long as your 3 yr old is elsewhere, and also so long as he doesn't spend the whole next day lounging around the house. Another thing you might need to ask is that she be a bit more discreet when she does have somebody over, ie not mauling him on the couch in front of you. The important thing is you both need to be comfortable in your home.

LegacyUser

OP as someone mentioned earlier, you sound like you just want us all to tell you that the way you are reacting is totally acceptable. Well in my opinion it's not.
Your mother has her own life to live, and fair dues to her for still having fun in her later years.
I don't think it was vey nice of you to go discussing your mothers actions with your sister and her husband either. No doubt they only got a one-sided account of things. Are they gonna give your mother a hard time about this now??
I would not like to live with someone who goes blabbing to other members of the family about my private life.