Why am I still single?

MIN2511

Right, i dunno why i am still single... It really bothers me, my ex has moved on and is now with his gf of two years(i think they are getting married).
I am not attracted to him anymore but the fact that he moved on, is in a steady relationship has gotten to me and sometimes makes me sad-like tonight

MIN2511

And **** i forgot to post unregistered

Am such a stupid eejit...

Wilko121

+1 on that

is it perhaps because were on boards at 5am as apposed to being half naked party animals socialising?

Bligh

Feel the same too - your not alone

Wilko121

Lots of people are in the same boat man. Someone will come along, although...

Wilko121 wrote: »

is it perhaps because were on boards at 5am as apposed to being half naked party animals socialising?

There's probably a lot of truth to that

St Bill

I feel for you MIN2511, being single can get me down at times too. But then I remember how much freedom I have and that I can head off somewhere for the weekend if I want to without having to make sure his parents are expecting us over for dinner and woolly jumpers and china cabinets full of ornaments that freak me out.

Gyalist

I diagnose a case of PVS (Pre Valentine Syndrome). A particularly nasty, virulent strain seems to be around this year. You'll begin to feel better in exactly 7 days time.

Wibbs

You just haven't found the right person to get into something with. Even a short term something. Look on the bright side, you're single for the right reasons, not in a couple for the wrong. There's a lot of that about and that's way more unhealthy, if temporarily ok. TBH I think women have it harder or at least there is more pressure, from themselves and society to be in a relationship and to be able to get into one. I think when exes move on and are seen to be doing so, that makes it even harder.

This is your time. Keep going out. Keep having fun. Keep moving forward in your own head, heart and life. Enjoy being single and try not to keep the pressure on yourself to get into something with someone. Usually that's when someone healthy for you comes along.

MIN2511

Thanks guys... I woke up this morning and confirmed that i posted under my name
I blame the alcohol!


Typical Dublin madness yesterday, watched the match(Thank God we won!), i went to the cinema and saw "He's just not that into you"-it answered all my questions of all the lads in my life. So now i know "They are just not that into me!"
Ended up in a few pubs and bars and it was generally a good craic, i had some friends over from the UK who I kept telling Irish men were great we ended up having a good laugh anyways...
I got home and it hit me hard, i am 23 and i am single! Plus i think(85%) sure the ex is popping the question on vals day.

Yes it's PVS and it's KILLING me!

MagicMarker

MIN2511 wrote: »

Thanks guys... I woke up this morning and confirmed that i posted under my name
I blame the alcohol!


Typical Dublin madness yesterday, watched the match(Thank God we won!), i went to the cinema and saw "He's just not that into you"-it answered all my questions of all the lads in my life. So now i know "They are just not that into me!"
Ended up in a few pubs and bars and it was generally a good craic, i had some friends over from the UK who I kept telling Irish men were great we ended up having a good laugh anyways...
I got home and it hit me hard, i am 23 and i am single! Plus i think(85%) sure the ex is popping the question on vals day.

Yes it's PVS and it's KILLING me!

You're only 23!!!

Jaysus, relationships should be the last thing on your mind right now. If your ex is the same age as you then he's just a retard for jumping into marriage, I'd feel sorry for him more than anything.

I'm 25, single for about a year now, and I have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship for the foreseeable future.

Take advantage of singledom. Go explore on random weekends away (you'd be amazed how cheap this can be), take up new hobbies (a cliche i know)...

Or you could just wait for the PM's to come when people read this thread;)

YDMHSSB

you will be fine,have patience, 23 is grand, you have about 6 -7 years (and to be honest the rest of your life) to find somebody before you start to settle down. 23 is too early to be worried.

i dont know you nor have never met you but im sure your a great catch for somebody and from reading some of your posts, you seem like a top girl, great personality and fun to be with.

and another thing, the more you worry or get down, the longer it will take to find somebody.


now go out get drunk and kiss some boys and stop posting on boards at all hours of the morning:):):):).

edit: i know some cracking girls 24-30 who are still single, why? normally they have all been in long relationships and it takes a long time to settle back into another one. forget about your ex ffs, move on and ul be better for it. in all fairness, you shouldnt even know or care if he is getting married. he may not even be happy and if its too soon, it could be over quicker than it started.

Test For Echo

Jeez I wish I was 23! I'm 39, just broke up with my GF of 6 years (and feeling all sorry for myself too) and for the first time in my life I am REALLY terrified of the future because I'm not really a social animal. Oh boy...

DeCoR18

MIN2511 wrote: »

Right, i dunno why i am still single

Yeah dunno, what kind of person are you?

Kind regards,

DeCoR.

00112984

MIN2511 wrote: »

i am 23 and i am single!

I got engaged when I was your age and married at 25. Now, I do love the husband and all of that stuff, but when I look at some who's 23 and see them wanting to settle down, I feel like shaking them just a tad.

There's so much to life than having another person around. Don't get me wrong, it's great when it happens and it really can happen when you least expect it but, until then (and even after!) there are so many good things about being able to just kick back and think about yourself and not have to take a second person into account in even the smallest of decisions.

Dudess

MIN2511 wrote: »

Yes it's PVS and it's KILLING me!

Valentine's Day is meaningless and insincere - seeing as there will always be couples, why is it this time of year that's "killing" you and not every other time of year so? Seriously, don't make the mistake of letting a bullsh1t made-up day ruin your life.

And +1 to what others have said - just enjoy your life. Why the urgency to find a boyfriend? I know it's great but single life when you're young is too. Also, there appears to be a bit of one-upmanship going on, the way you've brought your ex into this...

MJOR

you'll find someone when you least expect it! songledom is super fun especially when you are 23. stay single for at least another 5 years!

fabgooner

i think wen ur lukin to b wit sum1 u let out a desperation vibe dat oder people pick up on. if ur happy in urself n den happy bein single u mite meet sum1. dats wat happened to me anyway. jus be optimistic n confident

*Translation* I think when you're looking to be with someone, you let out a desperation vibe that other people pick up on. If you're happy with yourself and then happy being single, you might meet someone. That's what happened to me anyway. Just be optimistic and confident

Wibbs

fabgooner txt speak is not allowed on this site and it states this in the charter of every forum on Boards. Please use your full keyboard in future. Thank you.

MIN2511

Thanks guys, i really appreciate your opinions and suggestions.

I know i am young and there are still years for me to get into a relationship but that's not the point.

I miss having a bf/partner to share my feelings with, i miss the companionship and everything that comes with a relationship.

I am very happy for my ex, we dated 5yrs so we would always be civil towards each other even if we have moved on. I believe i am only human when i say i get jealous because he's in a relationship. I would never get back with him, even if he wasn't.

And yes it may be PVS but it's something which has been on my mind for a long time. I sometimes wonder what the future holds, i am generally an easy going girl etc(i bet everyone says that about themselves).

I am a firm believer that not everyone is destined to find love, marriage isn't also for everyone. I have great friends, friends & family who mean the world to me. 5 of my friends of my very good friends are getting married this year. I am NOT looking to get married now or anytime soon, all i want is a partner/bf to share life experiences with.

I have read this PI a few times and tbh it really was the first time i admitted the way i felt. I have been quite emotional over the last few days. And my feelings have been raw, i also wrote an emotional 25 things about myself on fbook and my brother said "it's really deep and raw" that's the way i feel.

I hope it's a phase and i hope to come out of it pretty soon.

MIN2511

fabgooner wrote: »

i think wen ur lukin to b wit sum1 u let out a desperation vibe dat oder people pick up on. if ur happy in urself n den happy bein single u mite meet sum1. dats wat happened to me anyway. jus be optimistic n confident

*Translation* I think when you're looking to be with someone, you let out a desperation vibe that other people pick up on. If you're happy with yourself and then happy being single, you might meet someone. That's what happened to me anyway. Just be optimistic and confident

I am not desperate to be in a relationship, i have had my ups and downs with men and meet people daily. I personally don't think i am letting off a desperation vibe, it's just raw emotions at it's worst.
I am optimistic and confident, i love myself and i am quite secure in who i am. I have loads of male and female friends, i have loads of friends generally.
There is an exception for everyone, what works for you may not work for me and i know that. I explore everything with an open mind and i am not quick to jump into irrational conclusions either

fabgooner

sorry i didn't mean anything bad by what i said. i just believe in the philosophy that things happen when you least expect it. sorry:(

MIN2511

fabgooner wrote: »

sorry i didn't mean anything bad by what i said. i just believe in the philosophy that things happen when you least expect it. sorry:(

Oh no don't be sorry... You are entitled to your own opinion and it's up to me to defend/argue my case.

I am not in the least bit offended I have read every reply with an open mind... Regardless of the time of the night and the state i was i still posted on PI so obviosly it is a PI

kingtut

Let's face it. In any relationship the following will always happen.

One person moves on and finds someone else, in the meantime making it seem like as though their ex meant nothing to them and that their ex is replaceable. All the while making the ex feel even worse.

The other person sits around wondering what they did wrong and why the other person is treating them like they do not give a s*it....

As someone who has always been in the 2nd category all I can say is I feel your pain and all I can offer you is a hug. I would like to say time heals everything but I do not want to say something I do not truly believe myself. I'm probably not helping at all by posting this nevertheless I wish you the very best of luck.

*hugs*

Dudess

fabgooner wrote: »

sorry i didn't mean anything bad by what i said. i just believe in the philosophy that things happen when you least expect it. sorry:(

Nothing wrong with the advice you posted - it was only the textspeak that was pointed out to you.

MIN, I know what you mean - sometimes nothing substitutes a relationship. However, it's not just a partner you share your life experiences with - you share them with friends and family too.

As for fear about the future - it's really, really pointless. Think about it: what will worrying do. There's only so much you can do about tomorrow, so concentrate on today.

Dudess

MIN2511 wrote: »

I got home and it hit me hard, i am 23 and i am single!

Just noticed this - wow. It "hit" you "hard" that you're 23 and single...? Do you really think it's unusual to be single at 23?
If your sentence read "it hit me hard, i am 35 and i am single!" I'd understand a bit more where you're coming from (not that that's catastrophic either - there's just the biological clock to consider, if you want children).

I did hear a bunch of 22-year-olds saying they'd never meet anyone and were going to die alone - stupid tbh.

MIN2511

kingtut wrote: »

Let's face it. In any relationship the following will always happen.

One person moves on and finds someone else, in the meantime making it seem like as though their ex meant nothing to them and that their ex is replaceable. All the while making the ex feel even worse.

The other person sits around wondering what they did wrong and why the other person is treating them like they do not give a s*it....

As someone who has always been in the 2nd category all I can say is I feel your pain and all I can offer you is a hug. I would like to say time heals everything but I do not want to say something I do not truly believe myself. I'm probably not helping at all by posting this nevertheless I wish you the very best of luck.

*hugs*

I broke up with him, he was very emotional about it especially as his parents and family loved me and expected us to get married and have nice babies.
His current gf was his rebound and funny thing is they are still together. I have met her a few times and she's sound-i dunno anything about her but i am happy he's happy.

Don't worry about helping or not, it's good to hear people's experiences.:)

LadyE

Ahhhhun, dont be sad that you ex has moved on PITY the poor girl that got stuck with him :pac:

I dont know why your single, you're fun, smart, beautiful and a brilliant person and a great friend..so its not you. Maybe it is PVS..who knows, but it is only a day, and you dont need Valentines day to validate yourself, it was a day invented by hallmark ffs!

You are only 23 chick, and you have plenty of dates and admirers..so dont let this get you down.

xxxxx

kingtut

Thanks MIN2511, you seem like a very sweet girl (and yes I can tell a lot from what people say in their posts).

Another piece of advice from me, whether it is of much use to you in your current situation.........

Don't go looking for a boyfriend......as the best ones will always appear when you least expect it. It is the random encounters that are the best, by that I mean the guy you end up chatting to in the coffee shop or the guy who you end up chatting to about the stupid things at your friends birthday party.

If you go out looking for someone you will prob end up with the first guy who seems to fit what you are looking for, which may be great short-term but probably not long-term. That's my 2 cents anyway...

kingtut

LadyE wrote: »

Ahhhhun, dont be sad that you ex has moved on PITY the poor girl that got stuck with him :pac:

I dont know why your single, you're fun, smart, beautiful and a brilliant person and a great friend..so its not you. Maybe it is PVS..who knows, but it is only a day, and you dont need Valentines day to validate yourself, it was a day invented by hallmark ffs!

You are only 23 chick, and you have plenty of dates and admirers..so dont let this get you down.

xxxxx

It's seeing responses like this that make me proud to be a boardsie

dory

Also remember that alcohol is a depressant so don't go too crazy on that while you're feeling down.
Lots of people *ahem* make it to 23 without having ever been in a relationship. You've been there, done that now can have some fun before you do it again!
Enjoy it - and spoil yourself on Hallmark Day!

kingtut

kingtut wrote: »

If you go out looking for someone you will prob end up with the first guy who seems to fit what you are looking for, which may be great short-term but probably not long-term. That's my 2 cents anyway...

Couldn't agree more! It gives me a temporary feeling of excitement and boosts my self esteem but it doesn't last long.

dory wrote: »

Lots of people *ahem* make it to 23 without having ever been in a relationship.

Such as myself, but I've learned a lot over the last year and aren't too pushed to make it happen, but I'm sure it will!

Daithi McGee

MIN2511 wrote: »

Thanks guys... I woke up this morning and confirmed that i posted under my name
I blame the alcohol!

Maybe you drink too much and get your "message" across wrong?
Like..... real wrong.

Creamy Goodness

ask myself the same question everyday, and just come to the conclusion of "ahh who am i trying to kid".

RoundyMooney

You're among friends, Min, and at the end of the day you're a bit of a youngling to be worried about being unable to find a partner at 23.

You had an LTR for five years, so that's something. Just take it in your stride, as said elsewhere, things will happen when you least expect.

AARRRGH

MIN2511, I have been thinking about what to reply for a while.

Initially I considered whether race might be an issue, but my friend from Kenya (when she lived in Ireland) had men throwing themselves at her. So I don't think being black is a factor. The men who chased her weren't just looking for a one night stand either - they wanted a relationship too.

This has gotten me thinking - what did she have which you don't have?

I can only think of two things:

1. She didn't go for the "African" look. You know, big arse and all that . She also made an effort to only associate with white people. I know that sounds mad, and is wrong, but I do think the fact that she seemed quite "Western" made her less intimidating. People used to assume she was English or American; they didn't assume she had a big Nigerian boyfriend.

2. My Kenyan friend was a bit more confident and a little less open. I think part of your problem may be that you are easy to read; I know I sensed a bit of sadness and lonliness off you when I first met you. Maybe others do too. If you can figure out how to get a bit more inner peace, I think people will pick up on this, and I think it will make you more attractive.

You're a good looking girl though. And a nice person. I don't think you have too much to worry about. It's just a matter of time.

MIN2511

AARRRGH wrote: »

MIN2511, I have been thinking about what to reply for a while.

Hahaha... thats why i was ****ting in my pants when i found out that i didn't post unreg!

Initially I considered whether race might be an issue, but my friend from Kenya (when she lived in Ireland) had men throwing themselves at her. So I don't think being black is a factor. The men who chased her weren't just looking for a one night stand either - they wanted a relationship too.

Tbh race is an issue, previously i would have said it wasn't an issue but i have noticed it.
I know two people(1 on boards) who have told me they cannot take a black girl to meet their parents! I was out with some friends last night,
2 black girls, 1 bi racial and 1 white girl and i have to say we are good looking girls. Yes the men looked, starred and oggled, very few approached and when they did they were mostly too drunk to make conversation.
One of the girls just sent this to me on msn "the amount that were looking at us but didn't want to come over for fear of being with the black girl or because their friends were there"
And these friends are British so they came over for a laugh and were very disappointed!

This has gotten me thinking - what did she have which you don't have?

I can only think of two things:

1. She didn't go for the "African" look. You know, big arse and all that . She also made an effort to only associate with white people. I know that sounds mad, and is wrong, but I do think the fact that she seemed quite "Western" made her less intimidating. People used to assume she was English or American; they didn't assume she had a big Nigerian boyfriend.

2. My Kenyan friend was a bit more confident and a little less open. I think part of your problem may be that you are easy to read; I know I sensed a bit of sadness and lonliness off you when I first met you. Maybe others do too. If you can figure out how to get a bit more inner peace, I think people will pick up on this, and I think it will make you more attractive.

You're a good looking girl though. And a nice person. I don't think you have too much to worry about. It's just a matter of time.

I would always be Nigerian, Nigerians don't have a good reputation anywhere in the world but thats people's generalisation. I have noticed that when i say i am from Nigeria people start the Nigerian jokes. In all honesty i would be the first to slag Nigerians, i don't care about race or where the person is from. I am constantly arguing with my dad, my dad is well educated but he's racist to a certain degree-he does not want me to marry outside Nigeria, he doesn't want me to marry a muslim, non catholic-the list is endless... The last argument we he said he will not attend my wedding if i marry outside my race.
I also said i wanted to go travelling and he said "black people don't travel" it's very frustrating that he thinks this way but i suppose i can't change him.

And yes i am sad, i have a few things going on with my folks and unfortunately they are my family and regardless of what i think of their actions they would always be my family. It has affected me quite a lot, academically, emotionally and physically but it's my cross to carry

Thanks Dude-i appreciate the opinion

MIN2511

MIN2511 wrote: »

Tbh race is an issue, previously i would have said it wasn't an issue but i have noticed it.
I know two people(1 on boards) who have told me they cannot take a black girl to meet their parents! I was out with some friends last night,
2 black girls, 1 bi racial and 1 white girl and i have to say we are good looking girls. Yes the men looked, starred and oggled, very few approached and when they did they were mostly too drunk to make conversation.
One of the girls just sent this to me on msn "the amount that were looking at us but didn't want to come over for fear of being with the black girl or because their friends were there"
And these friends are British so they came over for a laugh and were very disappointed!

Or ye all could just be intimidatingly hot.

Nevyn

MIN2511 wrote: »

Yes the men looked, starred and oggled, very few approached and when they did they were mostly too drunk to make conversation.

I have had the same thing happen on nights out it's more about them then you tbh.

Wibbs

AARRRGH wrote: »

I think part of your problem may be that you are easy to read

Funny I would have said something a little different. You appear easy to read, but actually aren't and I can give a fair reading of someone from 20 paces.

You're a good looking girl though. And a nice person. I don't think you have too much to worry about. It's just a matter of time.

QFT

I would actually agree with Moonbaby in what she says.

AARRRGH

Wibbs wrote: »

Funny I would have said something a little different. You appear easy to read, but actually aren't and I can give a fair reading of someone from 20 paces.

Well I have been accused of being psychic once or twice (seriously) so maybe I just have the skillz...

MIN2511 is young and has lots of time on her hands. I wouldn't be worrying if I were her.

MIN2511

Thanks guys... Really appreciate all your comments and replies...

I am still digesting everything, i suppose once in a while we all feel vulnerable







or thats my excuse

00112984

MIN2511 wrote: »

Nigerians don't have a good reputation anywhere in the world

Neither do the Irish

entropi

Dudess wrote: »

Valentine's Day is meaningless and insincere - seeing as there will always be couples, why is it this time of year that's "killing" you and not every other time of year so? Seriously, don't make the mistake of letting a bullsh1t made-up day ruin your life.

So so true:) why should some American made up holiday to sell cards ruin your next week? it shouldnt and i doubt it will...having met you a few times OP, i can tell you've a strong sense of character and no doubt will be up and back to your happy self soon:D


Sure i'm 28 and been single for at least 10 years...i jsut wanna have fun while i can, complaining that you're 23 and single is not much of an argument as if i was your age again i'd have a damn good time of it again haha!!

Nevyn

Find away to celebrate Lupercalia instead.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lupercalia

Pen1987

Are your mates still here?

Coppers tonight? Tell them I'll make babies with them, no problem. All of them.

Ah, seriously though, maybe your intimidating men because you're so friendly. Your forward and some men aren't into that (I don't give a bollicks but some men do).

Someone will come along. I've been "single" :P for about 4 years... just "have the craic" :P and eventually you'll stumble over someone you didn't expect to fall in love with, and fall in love with them. Trust me (or else).

MIN2511

Nah they left this evening....
They had a good laugh though, we rickrolled and laughed all night!
I wanted to go to Coppers last night
How are you dude?

Yes i am forward, actually many lads have said that. I would try to keep my opinions to myself! I remember the first time i met ya.... hehehe-funny times!


Trust you


I think i should continue to enjoy the single life for now

Pen1987

FUCK THAT! Don't keep your opinions to yourself! Are you nuts! Don't change anything for someone else!

I prefer to be single than constrained and with someone.

Oh, I'm good. Yes I remember the first time we met, you fucking loon. I got rejected by some randomer, gas ****. I remember little else.

Except I robbed a huge amount of her green cocktail yoke.

Bring your friends back so I can have drunken sex fun with them and deeply intellectual conversations.

I've never said this before but it's called for here... +1

Be yourself, don't change anything for anyone, you'll only end up unhappy.

MIN2511

Pen1987 wrote: »

FUCK THAT! Don't keep your opinions to yourself! Are you nuts! Don't change anything for someone else!

I prefer to be single than constrained and with someone.

Oh, I'm good. Yes I remember the first time we met, you fucking loon. I got rejected by some randomer, gas ****. I remember little else.

Except I robbed a huge amount of her green cocktail yoke.

Bring your friends back so I can have drunken sex fun with them and deeply intellectual conversations.

I told them the next time they come over i would be sure to take them to Coppers!:pac:

Time would tell, 5 of my mates are getting married this year:eek: so i see couples all the time! They are all older than me anyways so it's good for them

Karsini wrote: »

I've never said this before but it's called for here... +1

Be yourself, don't change anything for anyone, you'll only end up unhappy.

I don't want to change myself for anyone. But if it has been mentioned more than once that i am too forward i think it's time to tone it down a lil bit-don't you think so?

MIN2511

MIN2511 wrote: »

I don't want to change myself for anyone. But if it has been mentioned more than once that i am too forward i think it's time to tone it down a lil bit-don't you think so?

Nah, I'd prefer someone to be forward with me than to be cryptic or tight lipped - I can't read people's minds ya know! :pac:

kingtut

There is nothing wrong with being forward, in fact I prefer girls who are. I hate mind games! They confuse me

It sounds like you do not lack confidence anyway MIN2511 and have no problem meeting guys. If only I could find someone who seems to be as nice and approachable as you.

My advice from earlier still stands - don't rush into anything. Stop looking and the right guy will come along. Especially if you want something long term.