Rules of Dating

Crash Bang Wall

Whats the story here? Do ladies in general follow some kind of rules cause they seem to make it tougher than it should be.

If the first date goes well, is it up to the guy to ask about the second date? If it is, then when should he ask?

If he gets a kiss at the end of the date, does it mean he should get a second date or do girls just do this anyway?

All this caper is wrecking my head.

Help!!!!

Cathmandooo

Is this a completely general question or did you just go on a date that went well?

No there's no set of rules that all girls adhere to.

If you go on a date and it goes well then just be honest and tell her you'd like to see her again and plan a date between the two of you. Don't play any games.

A kiss at the end of a date is probably a good indication that she likes you. Ask her out again, worst thing that can happen is she says no, it wont kill you.

shellyboo

Ladies in general... no.

Some ladies do, and some ladies don't... or to put it another way, some GIRLS do and some WOMEN don't.

THere are thousands of 'rules' out there about dating men... don't text him first, keep him waiting, never ask for a second date, don't sleep with him on the first date, blah blah blah... but they're all utterly headwrecking for guys, and any guy with half a brain is out the door at the first sign of such gameplaying.

I'm 25 and I don't play those kinds of games anymore - I probably did when I was younger, because I thought that's how you 'get' a man. Now, if I want a second date, I'll ask myself, if I want to chat up a guy, I will, If I get a text, I reply... and it's just SO much easier for everyone involved.

There's no strategy, just being straightforward and open... and it means you actually get hurt a lot less in the long run.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

If the woman has rules for dating, it means i wont be dating her!!!!

helimachoptor

Bryn wrote: »

If the woman has rules for dating, it means i wont be dating her!!!!

Too true!

No games as playing games = no more dates!

jellie

if someone is following rules or playing games then theyre far too much hassle for me

Nevyn

Bryn wrote: »

If the woman has rules for dating, it means i wont be dating her!!!!

Hang on it depends on the type of rules.
I have rules but they are not about game playing,
they are about good manners and respect.

They would include making plans and sticking to them.
Being honest about what those plans are and if you want to or not.
If life gets in the way letting the other person know as soon as possible
so that you are not canceling last minute.
Turning up on time or letting the other person know your eta and if you get delayed.
Not spending the date on the phone constantly to other people.
Not telling your friends were you are on a date so they can come along.

Nothing wrong with having rules and standards for the right reasons.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Thaedydal wrote: »

Hang on it depends on the type of rules.
I have rules but they are not about game playing,
they are about good manners and respect.

They would include making plans and sticking to them.
Being honest about what those plans are and if you want to or not.
If life gets in the way letting the other person know as soon as possible
so that you are not canceling last minute.
Turning up on time or letting the other person know your eta and if you get delayed.
Not spending the date on the phone constantly to other people.
Not telling your friends were you are on a date so they can come along.

Nothing wrong with having rules and standards for the right reasons.

Sorry i should have been clearer. I totally agree with the rules you have said. I meant more along the lines of leaving a certain amount of time before contacting again or just general rules of game playing

shellyboo

Thaedydal wrote: »

Hang on it depends on the type of rules.
I have rules but they are not about game playing,
they are about good manners and respect.

They would include making plans and sticking to them.
Being honest about what those plans are and if you want to or not.
If life gets in the way letting the other person know as soon as possible
so that you are not canceling last minute.
Turning up on time or letting the other person know your eta and if you get delayed.
Not spending the date on the phone constantly to other people.
Not telling your friends were you are on a date so they can come along.

Nothing wrong with having rules and standards for the right reasons.

I totally agree, but those kinds of rules are essentially saying 'don't play games with ME'... it works both ways! Like, some guys would mess you around not making plans, keeping you hanging on... to me, that's gameplaying as much as a woman never texting you back until an hour later is gameplaying.

And the others you mentioned really are just good manners... I would call those expectations rather than rules.

Niamho!

i used to kiss my date all the time at the end. sometimes even if i didn't want to. it was easier. in one particularly awkward situation i figured it'd be easier to kiss him. bad really i know.... Not sure i'd do it now though.

I have no rules. well...not really.

Crash Bang Wall

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Mixed signals. Kiss being a positive one. Not participating in a bit of "ebanter" being a negative one

homerun_homer

I always find that there is no point trying to predict what they are thinking because even if they seem dead keen and I'm interested in them, there is still every possibility of a knock back.

jellie

Thaedydal wrote: »

Hang on it depends on the type of rules.
I have rules but they are not about game playing,
they are about good manners and respect.

They would include making plans and sticking to them.
Being honest about what those plans are and if you want to or not.
If life gets in the way letting the other person know as soon as possible
so that you are not canceling last minute.
Turning up on time or letting the other person know your eta and if you get delayed.
Not spending the date on the phone constantly to other people.
Not telling your friends were you are on a date so they can come along.

Nothing wrong with having rules and standards for the right reasons.

Theyre not so much rules of dating as just common courtesy and politeness or "rules of life".

who007

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

For the record there is. It exists at galaxial point 29.34.42 in the Venusian spiral of the principal moon on Pluto's 3rd ring. It's very dark there.

All hail the Universal Female Mind. All hail.

Nevyn

sar84 wrote: »

Theyre not so much rules of dating as just common courtesy and politeness or "rules of life".

I have found that they are not so common.

jellie

Thaedydal wrote: »

I have found that they are not so common.

yes, but they SHOULD be..

Nevyn

sar84 wrote: »

yes, but they SHOULD be..

I know but there are people who fail at even that simple sample and then are
confused when a second date doesn't happen.

Yes people should given clear polite messages and make clear polite inquires
but really if you fall at the first hurdles it doesn't bode well at all.

petethebrick

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

:rolleyes:
If a woman was hesitant to kiss me after coming out on a date with me she wouldn't be coming out on a date with me again to be honest.

SeekUp

shellyboo wrote: »

THere are thousands of 'rules' out there about dating men... don't text him first, keep him waiting, never ask for a second date, don't sleep with him on the first date, blah blah blah... but they're all utterly headwrecking for guys, and any guy with half a brain is out the door at the first sign of such gameplaying.

I'd venture to say that they're "utterly headwrecking" for females as well . . . "can I call him first?" "he hasn't called me back," "I can't seem too eager," "if I sleep with him too soon, he'll think I'm easy," and on and on.

So exhausting! And unnecessary! I mean, if you like the thrill of the hunt, then by all means play the games -- and hopefully you'll be dating someone who enjoys playing along as well. But for the rest of us, to hell with the dating games: If you like someone, show them; if you want to talk to someone, call them; if you want to know something, ask it; and if you want to get all kinds of scandalous behind closed doors after the first date, then be safe about it and don't leave your underthings behind when you're finished.

Bah!

SeekUp

Crash Bang Wall wrote: »

If the first date goes well, is it up to the guy to ask about the second date?

It's not "up to" the guy, but if he wants to see her again, then he should ask her.

Crash Bang Wall wrote: »

If it is, then when should he ask?

He should ask if she'd like to go out with you again.

Crash Bang Wall wrote: »

If he gets a kiss at the end of the date, does it mean he should get a second date or do girls just do this anyway?

Generally a positive sign. But we could post for hours and he wouldn't have a definite answer until he talks to her.

Crash Bang Wall wrote: »

All this caper is wrecking my head.

Try not to let it!

Call her already.

RacoonQueen

A girl in work started seeing someone new about 7 months ago, was going on about how great he was etc how much she liked him when they started going out...then came out with some tripe about how he'd asked her out that night, but she said no, even though she wasn't doing anything, just because 'you shouldn't make yourself too available'. I mean WHAT!!!! Fu*k sake. :pac:

Nuggles

My friend has her own dating rules.

1. Become attracted to guy because he has a girlfriend and is unavailable.
2. Steal him from girl.
3.Refuse to listen to friends' advice such as "he looks like a wife beater."
4.Tell guy what friends think of him, exaggerate it.
5.Guy now hates friends and refuse to be in the same room as them.
6.Totally alienate friends.
7.Spend every waking second being the guy's neck parasite.
8.Put up with put downs.
9.Start giving him money, when he asks for it, never ask to be re-paid.



I'm ranting a bit. . ..

The Saint

If a girl starts playing mind games before you're even going out then she'll probably turn into a headfuck if you do end up going out them.

MJOR

I believe in respecting yourself and protecting yourself. Those are my rules.


worries is that a bit doctor phil??:pac:

GirlInterrupted

Thaedydal wrote: »

Hang on it depends on the type of rules.
I have rules but they are not about game playing,
they are about good manners and respect.

They would include making plans and sticking to them.
Being honest about what those plans are and if you want to or not.
If life gets in the way letting the other person know as soon as possible
so that you are not canceling last minute.
Turning up on time or letting the other person know your eta and if you get delayed.
Not spending the date on the phone constantly to other people.
Not telling your friends were you are on a date so they can come along.

Nothing wrong with having rules and standards for the right reasons.

Anyone with any measure of self esteem would simply expect to be treated with good manners, and would treat others the same.:)

MJOR

Sidney2 wrote: »

Question for the ladies....
If a guy asks a girl for a second date, how long should the time-frame be..between the first and second date??

...a few days? a week? a fortnight?

nah no hard and fast rules

Nevyn

I would not see that as being too big of a gap after all people have busy lives,
but it would want to be explained that, that is the case rather then being left not knowing.
Certainly it could well be that the person with whom you are trying to organise a second date with already has plans for the next two weekends or works shifts.

homerun_homer

Sidney2 wrote: »

Okay, let me put this another way....how long would you expect there to be before a guy asks you on a second date?

Would even two weeks before the first and second date be acceptable? I'm just curious.

Again I don't think there are rules for this as I know people who have met for first time, pulled and after arranging the first date would meet up nearly every night (don't factor in sex here, it wasn't happening). Yet other people would be freaked if a person was that interested in meeting up that often.
Personally I don't see a problem with meeting up as often as each of you like, if you like the person then it doesn't matter. If you are unsure then it matters how much space you give.

Madame Razz

Rules??

There are no rules....

Go with your instinct, go with what feels right, really right, as in what your gut is telling you.

Intuition can be surprisingly accurate.....

CathyMoran

My only rules were that the guy had to be intelligent and treat me well, beyond that I went with my heart. I rang whenever I felt like it (as long as it was not some crazy time in the morning!), was even honest about personal issues from the start (as he was with me)...hey, it worked for me - you would have to claw my husband from my dead hands, I got the best!

I never got these people with rules, I presume that at least some of us want long term relationships - what is the point in not being who you are?

banshee_bones

it is better to be disliked for who you are rather than loved for who you are not.

So if your playing "games" and messing with somenes head and not in general being yourself i imagine that it will eventually catch up with you. So better to just be straightfoward but not to the point of being blunt. Subtlety goes a long way!

Crash Bang Wall

Some good ideas/thoughts.

Spent the w/e thinking about it all and convinced that the girl i am "dating" is sort of wary of getting involved 2 fast and wants me to be running around after her.

Im of the opinion that it shouldnt be JUST up to the fella to try and organise dates all the time....should be a bit of give and take.

Cant see this lasting much longer although I like the girl

Chinafoot

Crash Bang Wall wrote: »

Some good ideas/thoughts.

Spent the w/e thinking about it all and convinced that the girl i am "dating" is sort of wary of getting involved 2 fast and wants me to be running around after her.

Im of the opinion that it shouldnt be JUST up to the fella to try and organise dates all the time....should be a bit of give and take.

Cant see this lasting much longer although I like the girl

Definitely should be a two way thing.

However, what did you mean by "ebanter" in your earlier post? What kind of chat were you trying to have with her?

How well do you know her? How many times have you been out?

If you have a date organised soon just ask her if she's interested or not. Tell her you like her and would like to see where things go but you're thinking maybe she's not that interested because it seems to be you chasing her. You don't have to make a big deal out of it and you can say it in a nice way that shows you do genuinely like her.

Life is too short for game playing. Find out where you stand.

AnnieB82

I must be odd, but when I first met my partner, I approached him. We both made it clear we liked each other. I asked him if he wanted my number. He rang me a day later and we never looked back. I wasn't aware of any rules I should've been following!

Crash Bang Wall

Chinafoot wrote: »

Definitely should be a two way thing.

However, what did you mean by "ebanter" in your earlier post? What kind of chat were you trying to have with her?

How well do you know her? How many times have you been out?

If you have a date organised soon just ask her if she's interested or not. Tell her you like her and would like to see where things go but you're thinking maybe she's not that interested because it seems to be you chasing her. You don't have to make a big deal out of it and you can say it in a nice way that shows you do genuinely like her.

Life is too short for game playing. Find out where you stand.

Ebanter...just general chit chat via email....nothing serious. Was with her over xmas, 1 date a couple of weeks ago, then she on hols and out over the w/e with common friends.
Early stages, yes most definitely, but I dont think its up to me to do all the running around. No dates organised although suggested doing something later this week. I think I should be waiting for her 2 get back to me before mentioning it again?

Kya1976

Madame Razz wrote: »

Rules??

There are no rules....

Go with your instinct, go with what feels right, really right, as in what your gut is telling you.

Intuition can be surprisingly accurate.....

+1

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote: »

I have found that they are not so common.

In all seriousness, that must have been a lot of bad dates/bullets dodged, depending on your perspective.

Black Swan

Crash Bang Wall...
Have you been watching the Smart Shopper Network? Rules of Dating book is on sale, and if you buy within the next 10 minutes, they will send you two for the price of one! Then you can share one with your date so she doesn't break any rules.

DubLass

Im probably a bit past it now but I wish I had been more adventurous about approaching men or asking them out when I had the chance. Which to be fair was only between the ages of 18 and 21 Then I got married and went off the radar for 20 years :eek:

Nevyn

Deleted User wrote: »

In all seriousness, that must have been a lot of bad dates/bullets dodged, depending on your perspective.

I'd say bullets dodged and it is rare at I would go out on a date with a complete
stranger and would decline dates due to having seen someone with a lack of manners in which ever of my socail circles I happen to interact with them in.

Foxytocin

It is hardwired into men not to want a woman who's available. I never GOT this in my twenties. I didn't have any rules, just followed my heart. Consequently I'm single!