Reading your other half's texts!!

Brian_Uckfast · 14-01-2009 1:47pm #1

Ok, this seems to be a BIG no no in a relationship, or so I deduce from reading posts in the Personal Issues anyway.

But myself and my girlfriend are both perplexed by this!!

If you're being honest in a relationship, and have nothing to hide...then whats the problem??
I mean, surely its an obvious indication that your partner isn't being honest if they dont want you looking (casually) at their texts?? Thats what i'd assume anyway.

Thoughts???....

MagicMarker · 14-01-2009 1:47pm

If you have an honest relationship then why WOULD you want to look at their texts?

javaboy · 14-01-2009 1:48pm

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

I mean, surely its an obvious indication that your partner isn't being honest if they dont want you looking (casually) at their texts??

Similarly it's an obvious indication that your partner doesn't trust you if they want to look at your texts.

tba · 14-01-2009 1:51pm

Ah sure, what harm is there in reading them.

However, I assume she tells me everything I need to know, and looking at here texts would not achieve much.

not yet · 14-01-2009 1:52pm

Nah....i would rather not see it coming....cause it always does.

Driina · 14-01-2009 1:53pm

Maybe curiousity?

We don't hide anything from each other either, so we are both free to take a look anytime.

Sometimes a person gets trust issues knowing that there is no reason for it, and I think it's absolutely okay to make your peace with taking a look.

But if you think about it really, would you be so dumb to store stuff on your phone and not be extra careful if you want to cheat on the other? :rolleyes:

KikiDee · 14-01-2009 1:54pm

MagicMarker wrote: »

If you have an honest relationship then why WOULD you want to look at their texts?

I agree with MagicMarker. But I'd hope that if my partner suspected me of cheating or getting up to anythnig dodgy, he'd just ask me outright.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 14-01-2009 1:54pm

It used not to bother me. But with alot of people using text speak etc its just too easy to take the most innocent one liner out of context and all hell breaks loose.

So no, I think its a bad idea to read your partner's texts.

Reganio 2 · 14-01-2009 1:55pm

Come on fellow singletons... We know where we are not wanted

Brian_Uckfast · 14-01-2009 1:55pm

Suppose it depends on if you're looking at the texts to 'catch them out', or just curious to: find something you might have sent drunk, prove to her that you DID actually tell her what time you'd be finished at etc etc etc etc

Really there are alot of reasons you could want to look. I've no doubt that my girlfriend is 100% honest, but I have looked for some innocent reasons, and she's done the same.
It doesnt mean you dont trust them

themadchef · 14-01-2009 1:56pm

"Cheers hun, yeah really enjoyed it...was a great night"

Might bring murder to some wimmin's minds if they read that text on their BF's phone. But some people use Hun, baby, and Luv like i use pepper and salt....alot. So innocent texts can be taken out of context if you just pick up someones phone.

Insect Overlord · 14-01-2009 1:58pm

Dangerous territory if one or the other half is NOT being honest.
Rude and stinking of paranoia if both have not agreed to it.
Still an invasion of privacy, in my opinion, even if both parties agree to it.

To take one example, how would you feel if your other half read something private about a close friend? Your friend is having a bit of trouble, texts you for advice, and has their business read by somebody not connected to the situation?
It would be awkward, at the very least.

Sabre0001 · 14-01-2009 1:58pm

Do you read their post? Do you read their e-mails? Do you listen in on their conversations? A text is sent by one person to someone...If they wanted other people to know, they would probably send it to others too. So what if you have nothing to hide, maybe all these texts are idle conversation but it makes no difference.

And yes, I get royally pissed if people even try to read a text over my shoulder. "It was sent to me, thanks"

LouOB · 14-01-2009 1:58pm

I do it all the time and sometimes in front of BF
He forgets to tell me LOADS of stuff i.e. family and gossip
So sometimes I need to find out

My imo a little jealously in any relationship is good.
Hence the natural curisority - like a dog marking its scent, incase anyone is sniffing about. Once you dont start trying to access his work/social email account/bebo/skype etc password or ringing his friends to double check on stories- a step too far

But depends on the status of your relationship and what parameters have been laid down in the past

wolfpawnat · 14-01-2009 1:59pm

Well if both partners agree to it, then thats your own business and like every other aspect of the relationship its something ye should be comfortable with, but if one or the other of ye wants that little bit of privacy then you should respect that too, just because someone doesnt want you reading their tts does not mean they are up to something either, they may just want to have a private conversation with a best friend or something

Professey Chin · 14-01-2009 1:59pm

I always delete my texts unless they have info I need to keep.
Theyll never find my secrets.ahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa:pac:

AnonoBoy · 14-01-2009 2:00pm

One time I walked in on my girlfriend sucking off her ex. She showed me her phone though and I read all her texts and they hadn't been texting each other at all so it was alright. So I think it can save people's relationships sometimes.

Biggins · 14-01-2009 2:01pm

I don't look at at her phone
Its akin to her diary,
If there be lack of thrust
Of these actions I'd be weary.

LouOB · 14-01-2009 2:03pm

Biggins wrote: »

I don't look at at her phone
Its akin to her diary,
If there be lack of thrust
Of these actions I'd be weary.

Any lack of Thrust Id be wary too:p

JaneyMc · 14-01-2009 2:03pm

Yeah, it can only lead to bad things in my opinion. Your OH might be okay with it, but the person who sent the text to your oh might not be so 'understanding'.

javaboy · 14-01-2009 2:03pm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

One time I walked in on my girlfriend sucking off her ex. She showed me her phone though and I read all her texts and they hadn't been texting each other at all so it was alright. So I think it can save people's relationships sometimes.

Dude did you ever think she might have deleted the texts or used some kind of code language? FFS open your eyes man!

:D

Biggins wrote: »

I don't look at at her phone
Its akin to her diary,
If there be lack of thrust
Of these actions I'd be weary.

If there's a lack of thrust, the relationship's probably not going anywhere anyway. :pac:

EDIT: Beaten to it.

Brian_Uckfast · 14-01-2009 2:04pm

wolfpawnat wrote: »

Well if both partners agree to it, then thats your own business and like every other aspect of the relationship its something ye should be comfortable with, but if one or the other of ye wants that little bit of privacy then you should respect that too, just because someone doesnt want you reading their tts does not mean they are up to something either, they may just want to have a private conversation with a best friend or something

A great point. Can't argue with this.

Thank god i'm in a relationship with no OTT 'personal space' issues etc

AnonoBoy · 14-01-2009 2:08pm

javaboy wrote: »

Dude did you ever think she might have deleted the texts or used some kind of code language? FFS open your eyes man! :D.

Oh my god you're right! :eek:

She HAS been cheating on me. But..... with who?

not yet · 14-01-2009 2:08pm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

One time I walked in on my girlfriend sucking off her ex. She showed me her phone though and I read all her texts and they hadn't been texting each other at all so it was alright. So I think it can save people's relationships sometimes.

Ah yeah...but did she hand you the phone right away(whilst still noshing) or wait until you got home.

OldGoat · 14-01-2009 2:08pm

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

If you're being honest in a relationship, and have nothing to hide...then whats the problem??

If you're being honest in a relationship, and have nothing to hide...then you are still in the honeymoon period. That will change over time and you learn that having secrets from your partner is one of the little things that makes life bearable.

I don't read wife's texts and she dosen't read mine. It's a simple case of privacy and manners. If she gets a text that I'd be interested in she shows it to me. I have no interest in reading the other waffelings between her and her friends and I'm sure that she has no interest in reading my texts organising future golf fixtures.
A full time relationship leaves very little private space, especially when the kids come along and the mother-in-law moves into the family house so any bit of private time is to be treasured so my phone and it's contents are mine and mine alone.
If you are insecure in your relationship you might want to read your other halfs texts. If you are secure in your relationship then you won't want to read your other halfs texts.
Nekked pictures on the other hand need to be forwarded to everyone.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 14-01-2009 2:13pm

Simple answer: buy another cheapo-prepaid mobile, and use it to send yourself elicit texts. See if it triggers her off.....

ntlbell · 14-01-2009 2:17pm

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

Ok, this seems to be a BIG no no in a relationship, or so I deduce from reading posts in the Personal Issues anyway.

But myself and my girlfriend are both perplexed by this!!

If you're being honest in a relationship, and have nothing to hide...then whats the problem??
I mean, surely its an obvious indication that your partner isn't being honest if they dont want you looking (casually) at their texts?? Thats what i'd assume anyway.

Thoughts???....

privacy is not about doing anything right or wrong.

You have a right to privacy.

Just because you don't want someone reading your texts doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

Kirnsy · 14-01-2009 2:23pm

i couldnt care less if the gf was looking through the phone the odd time.

however if it was constantly happening trust issues would defo come into play.

anyways there could be more damaging PICS on your phone than texts

Dragan · 14-01-2009 2:26pm

There is also the issue that you or your girlfriends may have friends who like to talk about lifes problems with you or them. As such, the content of texts in the phone may be personal and private from the point of view of the sender who is airing views or seeking advice from your partner.

They might want these things kept quiet and that includes from you or them.

ntlbell · 14-01-2009 2:28pm

Dragan wrote: »

There is also the issue that you or your girlfriends may have friends who like to talk about lifes problems with you or them. As such, the content of texts in the phone may be personal and private from the point of view of the sender who is airing views or seeking advice from your partner.

They might want these things kept quiet and that includes from you or them.

Exactly, I personally don't want to be reading texts on a discussion about the most affective cream for teh thrush

ShooterSF · 14-01-2009 2:31pm

One of my best friends being a snoopy fecker when I was seeing someone new decided to look through my texts with this new chick when I left my phone lying around. She got a big shock though as the texts were of the descriptive saucy type

She has swore she'll never look through my phone again!

Abi · 14-01-2009 2:31pm

I wouldnt look at anyone elses phone, and expect the same respect. To use an example, a friend of mine is having a rough time at the moment and confides in me a lot, and often by text. If Im asked to not discuss something with anyone else, its exactly what you get.

cmcsoft · 14-01-2009 2:32pm

To be honest I don't see the point. At the end of the day if whoever is texting them wanted you to see it they would text it to you too.

It is down to trust at the end of the day. I think it's only fair for people to have their own privacy.

KikiDee · 14-01-2009 2:36pm

Kirnsy wrote: »

anyways there could be more damaging PICS on your phone than texts

Now, I was caught out with a picture on my boyfriends phone! I asking for a picture of me & my godson that he had taken at the christening. He said it was on his phone to have a look. So I did....and I found a pic of a naked ladeee. Shur of course I was like 'WTF???' But after humming and haaaing i just thought why would he have given me the phone if he had taken this picture or some skank sent it to him?? Obviously was one of those downloaded pics (which i don't mind coz you can look at the menu and nor order right??). When I checked details of pic it said 'Downloaded:' and the date it was downloaded.

If I had kicked off (which addmittedly was my first reaction) I would have just been making a bad situation worse!

ceannair06 · 14-01-2009 2:39pm

cmcsoft wrote: »

To be honest I don't see the point. At the end of the day if whoever is texting them wanted you to see it they would text it to you too.

It is down to trust at the end of the day. I think it's only fair for people to have their own privacy.

You couldn't have a word with my mate's bird could you ?

We been mates for donkey's years (he male, I not) and since she came along I'm not allowed to speak to him - she has a serious case of the paranoids!

So anyway, she mooches on his moby regular and finds one from me saying "luv u" at the end.

Mad beatch calls his MOTHER and gets her to phone me and warn me off!!!

Mental as a box of spanners.

Sam Vimes · 14-01-2009 2:41pm

my gf often looks at my phone and i often look at hers. just out of boredom really, not checking up on each other.

i also have her email password and she'll often ask me to check to see if she has any new email because she can't be bothered to turn on her laptop

and i know her online banking login too. isn't trust great

of course she doesn't know about my sooper sekret email account and phone that i use to text all my wimmins on the side

smooch71 · 14-01-2009 3:06pm

KikiDee wrote: »

I agree with MagicMarker. But I'd hope that if my partner suspected me of cheating or getting up to anythnig dodgy, he'd just ask me outright.

So are you?

Just kidding.

My wife doesn't read my texts and it's just as well because twice I've had texts sent to me by accident.

The first one said "I miss you, I miss your kisses"
Sent by my nephew's girlfriend after he'd "borrowed" my phone

The second one was "Put baba to bed, we'll have a bath"
That was from my brother in law meant for my sister!!

Some explaining there...

sassa · 14-01-2009 3:21pm

A friend of mine (it genuinely is a friend of mine) rang me one night cryin cos her boyfriend dumped her for looking at his texts (yet again) i think he was right to as she pretty much stalks the poor fcuker texts emails phone calls drives by his house to make sure his cars there so he's not anywhere else. she cant see how she did anything wrong? she's since moved away i dont have to cope with the crazys as much anymore but my god crazy bitch! i met her ex a couple of weeks ago and he said she still rings his mum to see how he is and what he's doing now??
see thats why i could never be a lesbian WOMEN ARE CRAZY BITCHES when they get serious!!

(speaking as a reformed crazy myself lol)

Sam Vimes · 14-01-2009 3:25pm

sassa wrote: »

drives by his house to make sure his cars there so he's not anywhere else

now that's just dangerous. she shouldn't be going off and leaving the bunny boiling away in the pot. her house could burn down!!

dollybird09 · 14-01-2009 4:08pm

I don't see point in reading texts cos from my perspective if I was going to cheat on my bf (which I wouldnt) I'd buy a spare sim for a tenner and set up an email a/c that he didn't know about! That way, all my texts and mails would be an open book so he'd find nothing anyway..

Vain · 14-01-2009 4:13pm

My girlfriend just asks for my phone and looks at my texts (whaa-tssshh!!) wtf was that whipping noise

Professey Chin · 14-01-2009 4:19pm

dollybird09 wrote: »

I don't see point in reading texts cos from my perspective if I was going to cheat on my bf (which I wouldnt) I'd buy a spare sim for a tenner and set up an email a/c that he didn't know about! That way, all my texts and mails would be an open book so he'd find nothing anyway..

You seem to have this planned well for someone who wouldnt cheat.........

seanybiker · 14-01-2009 4:22pm

I never read my other halfs texts. They where sent to her not me. Im not a nosy fooker .

dollybird09 · 14-01-2009 4:24pm

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

You seem to have this planned well for someone who wouldnt cheat.........

yeah good point!!

Note to self - don't let bf read my posts!!! :cool:

Zebra3 · 14-01-2009 4:30pm

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

Ok, this seems to be a BIG no no in a relationship, or so I deduce from reading posts in the Personal Issues anyway.

But myself and my girlfriend are both perplexed by this!!

If you're being honest in a relationship, and have nothing to hide...then whats the problem??
I mean, surely its an obvious indication that your partner isn't being honest if they dont want you looking (casually) at their texts?? Thats what i'd assume anyway.

Thoughts???....

How can you casually look at something in the middlle someone ele's phone?????? :rolleyes:

Do you casually listen into your other half's phone calls as well? Read their e-mails? Open any post addressed to them?

Or just texts? Cos "that's all right"? :rolleyes:

What if a friend of theirs has a problem and text them about it in confidence?

If anyone ever read any texts on me they'd be packing their bags so fast.......

The only reason anyone looks at their partner's text messages is cos they're losers with no life of their own who doesn't trust their partner.

Quackles · 14-01-2009 4:31pm

Don't really go for the texts, but we're in and out of each other's email all the time.. Nothing to hide, so couldn't care less.

ntlbell · 14-01-2009 4:35pm

Quackles wrote: »

Don't really go for the texts, but we're in and out of each other's email all the time.. Nothing to hide, so couldn't care less.

can i have your email username and password?

Professey Chin · 14-01-2009 4:36pm

Quackles wrote: »

Don't really go for the texts, but we're in and out of each other all the time.. Nothing to hide, so couldn't care less.

Fixed

ShooterSF · 14-01-2009 4:49pm

Quackles wrote: »

Don't really go for the texts, but we're in and out of each other's email all the time.. Nothing to hide, so couldn't care less.

Ah yes multiple email addresses are much easier than multiple phones.

Trinity · 14-01-2009 4:54pm

Currently trying to snap out of a bout of insecurity so i dont bother anymore but yeah i used to all the time read his. And check his email. Now I dont even have his passwords, in the past i would insist if he had nothing to hide i should have them.

I couldnt be arsed anymore tbh, I reckon hes cute enough, he'd have it deleted anything incriminating so i'm wasting my time. I suppose i am starting to trust him a bit more as well

Bit of role reversal mind you cos i'm not sure if hes been looking at mine lately.

Boom_Bap · 14-01-2009 4:55pm

My ball and chain reads mine all the time, couldn't give a rats ar*e. Mostly she spends her time trying to decypher what my friends are saying (not txt speak, more our own special langauge) or looking at the random words i get sent.

As for reading hers, no thanks, the option is there but i assume all her texts are about ponies, fancy paper and pillow fights.

Reading your other half's texts!!

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