Throwing away best single years?

LegacyUser

hey so im 20 and been in a relationship (first love) for 2 years now. Its going great has its ups and downs like anything that long but really enjoying it and am really in love with the girl and she is with me.

The one thing i wonder about is, is this the time to be in relationship for so long or should i be single and seeing lots of different people. i dont think about being with other people cause im enjoying my relationship at the moment.

both of us have said (a while ago) that we'd like to see what its like being single in college at some point but at the same time dont want to lose each other.

Any help would be appreciated

LegacyUser

I'm in exactly the same position. I'd be interested to see the response to this.

My mind set has always been, that I love my partner and losing what I have would be too big a risk for the sake of a few different relationship/sexual experiences.

Running the risk of making a mistake I could regret forever is too big for me

Húrin

Not at all, go for it. Being single is not that amazing.

LegacyUser

Yep, I agree. Being single isn't all it's made out to be. Most people who are single spend their time trying to find somebody they like. You've found somebody so I say stick with it if you're happy.

Codofwar

It really depends on how you feel yourself, At your age I was single and meetin different women all the time but its not exactly something I remember fondly or am glad that I did. Being in a relationship is much more enjoyable as you are more comfortable and can easily explore everything you want with your oh without the hassle of tryin to chat up women in pubs and clubs.

Weidii

If you've never been with anyone else before I'd say go and taste a few different things. Your girl seems great, but you have nothing to compare her to afterall. I'd say go and get some experience.

nicolo

I remember when i was 20 being in exactly the same situation and I broke up with my then girlfriend and tried to explore what the world would be like. I have to say 5 years down the line its not much fun. sure you can sleep with random girls, big whoop. nothing I've ever experienced on a one night stand has ever compared to being in a relationship.

also just remember one thing, you're only 20, no offense but chances are you're not gonna marry this girl. you will most likely wind up single at some point and so enjoy what you have while you have it. the dating world is not as much fun as tv would have you believe.

Altar_Ego_Boy

Unregistered wrote: »

hey so im 20 and been in a relationship (first love) for 2 years now. Its going great has its ups and downs like anything that long but really enjoying it and am really in love with the girl and she is with me.

The one thing i wonder about is, is this the time to be in relationship for so long or should i be single and seeing lots of different people. i dont think about being with other people cause im enjoying my relationship at the moment.

both of us have said (a while ago) that we'd like to see what its like being single in college at some point but at the same time dont want to lose each other.

Any help would be appreciated

Naw, if you and g/f are happy then let things play themselves out.

In your current situation you have a regular supply of affection, companionship and sex.

I guarantee you if you rashly decide to break up you will sorely regret it.

There is nothing fun about being single in college in my experience.
Mid-to-late 20's...thats when its good to be single

BraziliaNZ

you never get laid as often as you think you will either

Wagon

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

you never get laid as often as you think you will either

Depressing but true

Being single is great if you've dumped or been dumped by a needy controlling bitch who drains you of your energy and never lets you see your mates. But if you love someone and they're sound and you break up with them to sleep with randomers, it'll only get you down and you'll start wondering why you threw it away.

And it's a lot easier for ladies to pull blokes than it is for blokes to pull the women. She'll be sleeping with as many men as she feels like but seeing as how you're a male, you got it tougher so take my advice on this one: I've had a very small few one night stands and decided after that I never wanted one again. They're absolute crap and you walk away thinking "what was the point?" The best sex you can have is with someone you love.

Gone Drinking

I do think you are throwing away your best years. I've two mates who had girlfriends from 16 till 22 and when they did eventually break up with them, they were sick they had missed alot. Although they're trying their best to make up for it now

From what ive seen, these early relationships don't last. I know of alot of couples whome spent their young years together and are now broken up.

Sir Humphrey

It is difficult to talk in generalities about a specific situation but the fact that the OP is asking the question at all might be suggestive of an unease at some level in the current situation.

Broadly speaking, I always thought that people getting into long relationships in college when people are still emotionally very very immature and have a lot of changing to do is inadvisable. That said I know a number of married couples who were college sweethearts.

But another difficulty with long relationships at such a young age, is that faraway hills often appear greener and 'the lads' can always appear to be having a much better time as they regale you with their exploits. This can cause unease for both parties in a young relatively long-term relationship as at that age you are naturally programmed to want to spread the wings and 'the craic' has a disproportionate significance.

Other factors might be considered. What happens when you finish college? Do you move to wherever to stay together? Will you both really want that? How long do you both anticipate this relationship going on for? For life? For six more months? If it's the latter why wait?

Having said that it is always better to be happy now rather than chasing some utopia which may prove elusive. I wouldn't underestimate being happy. It can be difficult to achieve and it is important to recognise it and enjoy it when it is there.

Faith

I was single from about 19 - 21 and it sucked ass. I thought college would be great, that there'd be men everywhere, so on so on. Not true at all. Now, in fairness, my uni is all about academics and there's very few social events organised, making it next to impossible to meet somebody. I'd strongly advise against breaking up with someone you're in love with just to sleep around. It's not actually that easy to get laid, generally. You're just experiencing the 'grass is greener' phenomenon.

AnonoBoy

Not to put a dampener on your relationship but the odds are you will be single again at some point through no choice of your own.

Don't go throwing away a good thing just because you think you might be missing out on the odd druunken shag. As people have said - it never happens as much as you think it will.

thewing

The grass is always greener....

LegacyUser

I don't know about the OP's particular situation, but I often found older people in particular would make comments about wasting the best years of your life and that, rather annoyingly, put doubt in my mind

ninkynonk

I'm in a 8 year relation ship. my Honost opinion is stay single till about 25-26 and then consider a Relationship. i'm 25 and have missed out alot. i cant go to the gym or for a pint with the lads more than twice a week without getting "are you gonna spend any time with me?" no joke 90% of women will go down this road of controlling you. Stay single and make life easy for yourself. meet girls and pretend its going somewhere to get your "needs" sorted out. But enjoy knowing when you go homein the evening you do what you want to do!

turgon

A girl broke up with me after Christmas because she was like that, restless and she wanted to be "free & single". I thought it was ridiculous. A good relationship destroyed cause someone feels their wasting there time?? As someone said, the grass is greener. Though since then Ive had a great night meeting a new girl, but the novelty wears off after a few days. If you like it stick at it.

Or an adage I heard, If it aint broken, dont fix it.

turgon

jonnyirish wrote: »

i cant go to the gym or for a pint with the lads more than twice a week without getting "are you gonna spend any time with me?"

Thats because you have the wrong women jonnyirish, and if you are going to be controlled like this sure have the free life.

But with a lot of girls you are still free when in a relationship: they dont mind you meeting up with your buddys the whole time and a single sorry text is sufficient if you forgot to text back the night before. Whereas if being in a relationship is constraining you in the same way as jonnyirish, I wouldn't be so keen to tell you to keep at it.It all depends on the relationship.

who007

or you could just stick with her while your interests diverge, you grow older and become afraid of leaving what's familiar and comforting even though you feel unfulfilled and all just cos you are afraid of being single. Know yourself. You can't do that without having become self-reliant. Am a lot older than you and have seen friends who stuck together since they were 15 and who have admitted (although not in front of each other) that they just didn't think they could cope with being single! Why the burning desire in everyone to have a partner at all costs? :rolleyes:

Xiney

Don't break up with someone just for the sake of some "single life" that people talk about - it never really works out like in the movies.

In other words, if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it.


(I am biased though, I met Mr Xiney when I was 18 and married him when I was 20.)

who007

Xiney wrote: »

Don't break up with someone just for the sake of some "single life" that people talk about - it never really works out like in the movies.

In other words, if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it.


(I am biased though, I met Mr Xiney when I was 18 and married him when I was 20.)

Course it's not like in the movies - but neither are relationships!
Be with someone for the right reason - not just cos they were the first person you got in a relationship with. Strikes me, if you are both wondering if you should play the field then it's not a rock solid relationship anyway. Cos if it was, you wouldn't wonder! QED

Xiney

Well no, that's like saying if you're not a psychopath you'll never have violent thoughts. Let me tell you, there are times when my thoughts, if turned into actions, would make me a monster! (Ah, the joys of having worked in customer service...)

Anyway. My point is, just because you wonder something, doesn't mean you want it to happen. I had thoughts that maybe I would have liked to have "played the field" a bit more before settling down, but it simply didn't happen that way.


In economics, this is referred to as an opportunity cost. When you go for one option, you are automatically closing yourself off to several other options. Sticking with someone through a relationship has the opportunity cost of no casual sex with strangers, having "responsibilities" (in terms of a need to keep the relationship fresh etc) and so on. But there are benefits as well, and I hope the OP doesn't need help in listing them. True, it's a clinical way of looking at the situation, but the fact is that it applies.


In my case, being single didn't seem attractive other than a passing fancy (and it wasn't anything personal against my OH) so I stayed in the relationship.



Wondering about not being in a relationship doesn't mean the relationship is doomed - in fact, it's healthier for thinking about it and consciously deciding that keeping the relationship is better.

who007

Fair enough Xiney - I see where you are coming from - but this guy is only 20! Would you in hiondsight have liked it if you were still with the person you were with at 20? I shudder to think how miserable I would be now if I did! Life changes so much as years go by it's unreal! Life experience in a partner (and I am NOT talking in terms of sexual experience - although a healthy amount of that would be desirable to me) is important to have a good relationship I think.

Xiney

Xiney wrote: »

(I am biased though, I met Mr Xiney when I was 18 and married him when I was 20.)

I'm 23 now and even in hindsight I wouldn't have done it differently.

I realise nothing is proven as a success until one of us dies, so hopefully people will still be waiting for us to be proven wrong for some time

who007

Xiney wrote: »

I'm 23 now and even in hindsight I wouldn't have done it differently.

I realise nothing is proven as a success until one of us dies, so hopefully people will still be waiting for us to be proven wrong for some time

:eek: speechless

ok ehmmm.... Gee, look over there! Is that the Pope?

Xiney

btw I'm not saying the OP should marry his girlfriend before they're ready (if they're ever ready!)

LegacyUser

similar position to OP.

OH and I both mid 20s - love eachother very much - together a few years - first proper relationship for me where as she has had several - this kind of gets to me, she has been with quite a few guys and now appears happy to settle with me where as I never really got the chance to 'sew my wild oats' properly.this maybe a stupid and immature notion but i cant help feeling it from time to time

LegacyUser

Op,

If you truely both are happy and content in the realtionship then I definitely say stay in it. I got with my OH when I was 17, 5 years later we are married and I can honestly say I have never been happier or more in love. I don't ever see the point in breaking up just so you can shag a few randomers 'to see what it is like'. I had several people ask me a couple of year ago did I not want to try be with other guys, see what single life was like a bit longer etc. and seriously, it never even occured to me. The thought of breaking up with someone I love deeply and unconditionally just to be with some other guys is just a crazy notion to me.
However, if you really are desperate to see what sinigle life is like, and want to risk letting this girl go, then maybe you are not really ready to stay committed at this point in your life. I would stay in the relationship, but if these feelings ever become a lot stronger, and you doubt your willingness to stay in the relationship, then maybe you should follow through with those feelings. Just make sure that you realise what you will be giving up.

KikiDee

I used to feel exactly like you OP. Questioning my relationship. I believe it's called 'the grass is greener syndrome'. I'm 22 and met my boyfriend in first year of college when I had just turned 18. Four and a half years later and we're still together! Sure there have been ups and downs but I can now say with certainty (lucky for me) that I've never felt Ive been missing out on anything by being with him.

If you tstill love your girl, stay with her. You may find that the grass isn't greener and regret decisions you make.

LegacyUser

ericsim wrote: »

similar position to OP.

OH and I both mid 20s - love eachother very much - together a few years - first proper relationship for me where as she has had several - this kind of gets to me, she has been with quite a few guys and now appears happy to settle with me where as I never really got the chance to 'sew my wild oats' properly.this maybe a stupid and immature notion but i cant help feeling it from time to time

I’m in the same situation, same age. My OH is more experienced as in your situation however I don’t have any urge to sew my wild oats but I do sometimes feel jealous of her past? Hard to explain and immature I know!

LegacyUser

jonnyirish wrote: »

I'm in a 8 year relation ship. my Honost opinion is stay single till about 25-26 and then consider a Relationship. i'm 25 and have missed out alot. i cant go to the gym or for a pint with the lads more than twice a week without getting "are you gonna spend any time with me?" no joke 90% of women will go down this road of controlling you. Stay single and make life easy for yourself. meet girls and pretend its going somewhere to get your "needs" sorted out. But enjoy knowing when you go homein the evening you do what you want to do!

ya what is with that! they just dont understand the "relax, take it easy and chillout" thing. I'm in a relationship and want to leave it only because of this reason, I'd be quite happy otherwise.
GF went on holidays for 2 weeks and felt like a new man, could sit down and get a call to go out 10mins before going out and be gone. Those were the days...

ck66

Hey there, this is a question that i think everyone in long term relationships has asked themselves one time or another. I think it is a perfectly normal. I have been in a relationship since i was 17 with the same guy. We have gone through the school, college and new jobs together. I think in the first few years i would of asked my self that question but as time goes by and you become more comfortable and confident in your relationship its not really a question...its just something you know is right. We are now over 8 and half years together and getting married in August 09. I cant see myself with anyone else, as far as i am concerned he is different from the rest in a special way if that makes sense.
Follow your heart.
xx

who007

happyinlongterm wrote: »

Op,

I don't ever see the point in breaking up just so you can shag a few randomers 'to see what it is like'. I.

That's a very narrow-minded way of looking at it! There's more to it than that and to simplify it like that is a little immature. People develop different interests and different tastes in things as they go through life. Their desires change (where to live, what job to work at, ski trip v. sun holiday to over-simplify it) and to have to drag someone else through all those changes when they are going to go through them themselves is unsettling and it's possible both partners end up as completely different people compared to who they were in their early 20's. I have met a HUGE amount of women in their early 30's fresh out of 10-15 year relationships wondering what the hell they stayed so long for - and admitted the last few years had just been habit or fear of being alone or cos they just knew no better. They said they felt they had missed out on a lot and had spent all that time with nothing to show for it in the end. Fair enough if you have a different oipinion, but don't demean the whole idea of not putting all your eggs in the first basket to come along by insinuating it's all just about shagging a few randomers. Unless shagging is all you have in common with your partner.

who007

Unregistered wrote: »

ya what is with that! they just dont understand the "relax, take it easy and chillout" thing. I'm in a relationship and want to leave it only because of this reason, I'd be quite happy otherwise.
GF went on holidays for 2 weeks and felt like a new man, could sit down and get a call to go out 10mins before going out and be gone. Those were the days...

I hear you!

who007

ck66 wrote: »

Hey there, this is a question that i think everyone in long term relationships has asked themselves one time or another. I think it is a perfectly normal. I have been in a relationship since i was 17 with the same guy. We have gone through the school, college and new jobs together. I think in the first few years i would of asked my self that question but as time goes by and you become more comfortable and confident in your relationship its not really a question...its just something you know is right. We are now over 8 and half years together and getting married in August 09. I cant see myself with anyone else, as far as i am concerned he is different from the rest in a special way if that makes sense.
Follow your heart.
xx

Just to qualify a previous post I erm.. posted - it may work for some people, but by and large not the majority. With the addendum - "in my opinion". Congrats on your wedding plans!

Húrin

Again, I would say that being single, male and in your early 20s isn't that great unless you're into going out with 17 y.o. girls. Most of your female peers look down on you. So keep what you have if you like her!

jonnyirish wrote: »

I'm in a 8 year relation ship. my Honost opinion is stay single till about 25-26 and then consider a Relationship. i'm 25 and have missed out alot. i cant go to the gym or for a pint with the lads more than twice a week without getting "are you gonna spend any time with me?" no joke 90% of women will go down this road of controlling you. Stay single and make life easy for yourself. meet girls and pretend its going somewhere to get your "needs" sorted out. But enjoy knowing when you go homein the evening you do what you want to do!

This is pretty miserable.

If you went out with the same girl from age 17-25, how can you know what 90% of women are like?

who007

Húrin wrote: »

Again, I would say that being single, male and in your early 20s isn't that great unless you're into going out with 17 y.o. girls. Most of your female peers look down on you.

Whaaaat? Going out with schoolgirls when you are in your 20's? Yeah, sure. I think you are in a minority there!

Húrin wrote: »

If you went out with the same girl from age 17-25, how can you know what 90% of women are like?

Exactly the point of not settling for first one to come along.

RossFixxxed

Bloody hell this is crazy.

I mean the 10 minutes and I'm out thing... I'm over 7 years with OH and I couldn't see any problem running out if I got a call from the guys... Unless I promised I'd do something with her, but that would apply to anyone. Are you really that under the thumb. I don't claim to be all the boss (and if she's reading I'm sure she's laughing) but you're allowed to have friends and go out without her...

R

who007

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Bloody hell this is crazy.

I mean the 10 minutes and I'm out thing... I'm over 7 years with OH and I couldn't see any problem running out if I got a call from the guys... Unless I promised I'd do something with her, but that would apply to anyone. Are you really that under the thumb. I don't claim to be all the boss (and if she's reading I'm sure she's laughing) but you're allowed to have friends and go out without her...

R

I think what johnnyirish is trying to get at is that 1: women can have expectations about how you are going to behave and can often kick up a fuss if what you want to do goes against their ideas of what you should be doing "as part of a couple" and this can be stressful. 2. More on topic, is that when yu are together a while you can start looking at life differently - the girl preoccupied with hair/make-up/shoes/getting ready/salsa classes/Desperate Housewives etc. etc. etc. with the guy wondering why he is with her and not the hot chick he met a few months ago who is more like the girl he's with when he first got to know her - not hell-bent on being encased in fake tan and actually adventurous enough to camp outdoors/do body-shots/swallow/run road-races/go hill-walking/take an interest in something other than Soaps/etc. etc.

shellyboo

jonnyirish wrote: »

i have alot of friends and i've brothers and sisters! the girls wreck their BFs heads and my brothers are in the same boat as me. there are plenty of men reading my thread and know what i'm saying. if you havent experienced this i bet one day you will!

Why are all your mates putting up with headwreckers? Putting up with it makes it worse. Stop endorsing the behaviour and maybe there'll be less of it.

jonnyirish wrote: »

she's gone away on a few holidays too and i've had a ball at home here. no waiting around for her to get her hair sorted and her makeup finsihed. No "its raining what are we gonna do?" no waiting for taxi's at the end of the evening! just walk home. Girls are a pain in the Swiss role! they complicate everything! my advice is to stay single until your old enough to take the **** your gonna get! Rant over:D

If you really felt like that, you'd be single. You know the benefits of being in a relationship outweigh the negatives, so unless you're planning on dumping your gf for the behaviour you're mentioning, you're just being hypocritical.

who007 wrote: »

I think what johnnyirish is trying to get at is that 1: women can have expectations about how you are going to behave and can often kick up a fuss if what you want to do goes against their ideas of what you should be doing "as part of a couple" and this can be stressful.

God, someone ring the 'sweeping generalisation' bell. Newsflash: Men can also be like this.

who007 wrote: »

2. More on topic, is that when yu are together a while you can start looking at life differently - the girl preoccupied with hair/make-up/shoes/getting ready/salsa classes/Desperate Housewives etc. etc. etc. with the guy wondering why he is with her and not the hot chick he met a few months ago who is more like the girl he's with when he first got to know her - not hell-bent on being encased in fake tan and actually adventurous enough to camp outdoors/do body-shots/swallow/run road-races/go hill-walking/take an interest in something other than Soaps/etc. etc.

Woe is you. Off you go and be with the fabulous girl, what's stopping you? I know what's stopping you... you know you're lucky to be with your gf really, and you're just spouting sexist, generalist, whiny crap. If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. If you're not prepared to do that, put up and shut up.

OP - you're not missing out on anything. Being single is no fun, as these boys prove - after all, if they hate their gfs so much and are STILL with them, being single must be really bad, right?

who007

Jeeezus! You callin me a whinge? REad my post again and calm the f down when you do..

shellyboo wrote: »

Why are all your mates putting up with headwreckers? Putting up with it makes it worse. Stop endorsing the behaviour and maybe there'll be less of it.

I would actually agree with you there.

shellyboo wrote: »

If you really felt like that, you'd be single. You know the benefits of being in a relationship outweigh the negatives, so unless you're planning on dumping your gf for the behaviour you're mentioning, you're just being hypocritical.

and there

shellyboo wrote: »

God, someone ring the 'sweeping generalisation' bell. Newsflash: Men can also be like this.

Did you miss the word "can" and yes I am aware that men can be like this. The OP is male, so hence we are talking about women here. If the OP was female we would be talking about men.

shellyboo wrote: »

Woe is you. Off you go and be with the fabulous girl, what's stopping you? I know what's stopping you... you know you're lucky to be with your gf really, and you're just spouting sexist, generalist, whiny crap. If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. If you're not prepared to do that, put up and shut up.

You know nothing about my situation at all so don't start having a go at me for discussing something with other people. This was a discussion after all, until you started your insulting "you're a whiney bitch" comments. Chill out and participate but back up on the sarcy stuff - there's too much room for similar comments to be made right back at you and turn this into a pointless slagging match.

shellyboo wrote: »

OP - you're not missing out on anything. Being single is no fun, as these boys prove - after all, if they hate their gfs so much and are STILL with them, being single must be really bad, right?

Being single is no fun? Ehm, yes it can be. So that's a reason to be with someone? Cos you can't be on your own? Gooid luck with that.

Never said I hated my gf either, and wouldn't say such a nasty thing about her ever.

And yet again you miss the whole point - she's not my gf cos I stuck with her since I was 20. And she may not be the one I stick with at all. Time will tell if we are meant to be or not. This doesn't disprove anyting else I said earlier.

shellyboo

who007 wrote: »

You know nothing about my situation at all so don't start having a go at me for discussing something with other people. This was a discussion after all, until you started your insulting "you're a whiney bitch" comments. Chill out and participate but back up on the sarcy stuff - there's too much room for similar comments to be made right back at you and turn this into a pointless slagging match.

I don't have a partner. If I did, I wouldn't be telling someone to break up with theirs because MY relationship isn't ideal. Your gf and her flaws has NO relevance to the OP's situation, at all. Whether or not you wish you were single is irrelevant.

who007 wrote: »

Being single is no fun? Ehm, yes it can be. So that's a reason to be with someone? Cos you can't be on your own? Gooid luck with that.

Where did I say that? Of course being single can be fun, my choice of words was poor - what I meant was, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

who007 wrote: »

Never said I hated my gf either, and wouldn't say such a nasty thing about her ever.

I was making a point... the point was that if you and your friend jonny are so unhappy with your gfs who are, and I quote, 'a pain in the Swiss role'; yet would rather stay in that relationship than dump them to be single... that completely invalidates your argument. You're proving that being in a relationship is better than being single, so why are you telling the OP otherwise?

who007

ehmm - take a few mins to understand what I said and not how you are reading it!

shellyboo wrote: »

I don't have a partner. If I did, I wouldn't be telling someone to break up with theirs because MY relationship isn't ideal. Your gf and her flaws has NO relevance to the OP's situation, at all. Whether or not you wish you were single is irrelevant.

My posts were about how people can change over time etc. etc. My relationship is not a longstanding one and I have had many before that and I have seen others who have and others who jumped in to the first one they got into and felt trapped when years went by and they or their partners changed. I think you'll find that my posts then have EVRY relevance! I am NOT hanging all my advice on any issues you perceive me to have with my gf so stop hanging all your statements on her and leave her out of it.



Where did I say that? Of course being single can be fun, my choice of words was poor - what I meant was, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Yes they were poor, and it was inherent in your statement. However, fair enough you accept you didn't word it greatly and now we understand what you meant. What do yo umean by all it's cracked up to be? I could say the same about relationships. I have 80% of the time enjoyed when I have been single. The only annoyance being couples who look down their noses at you.



I was making a point... the point was that if you and your friend jonny are so unhappy with your gfs who are, and I quote, 'a pain in the Swiss role'; yet would rather stay in that relationship than dump them to be single... that completely invalidates your argument. You're proving that being in a relationship is better than being single, so why are you telling the OP otherwise?

I never came out with anything abot my gf being a pain in my swiss role - you quote him and not me so stop lumping me and my opinions in with other people and theirs! And who says I would rather stay in a relationship? I am in the process of getting out of mine and am not about to go spreading personal details about it over the internet which is why I have been keeping shtum! The girl is perfectly nice, but we are different people, and even in the time together things have changed that make me feel we are not a good match for the future. I wanted to go about the break up with a degree of sensitivity though, so wasn't gonna go into it in great detail here. But you jumped to conclusions - which were wrong.

If you are single and don't like it that's your decision to feel that way. Doesn't mean other people feel that way.

Personally time spent single means time you can spend on developing yourself and your interests to be well rounded, not time spent being miserable cos no-one wants you. Course they don't if you're that one-sided. (That's not a comment directed at you Shelly, I meant "you" as in the "you in general" type thing...

who007

By the way - there's nowhere I said I based any of my opinions on my current gf - it was you who assumed I did.

LegacyUser

Firstly to Who007, I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out, but fair play for finishing it rather than string her along cos it's better than nothing. I don't necessarily agree with but understand a lot of what your saying but I do feel I have to comment on this.

"If you are single and don't like it that's your decision to feel that way. Doesn't mean other people feel that way.
Personally time spent single means time you can spend on developing yourself and your interests to be well rounded, not time spent being miserable cos no-one wants you."

I know mind over matter, nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so and all that stuff, and am a believer in it to an extent. But if someone just doesn't like the single life, then there's not that much they can do. A lot like some guys in relationships, except it's easier to break up with someone than to find someone who is good looking, funny, matching personality and everything else we look for. Looking on the bright side will only take you so far. I think you develop yourself more in a relationship than when you’re single. Just having to be there for someone else, and those shared experiences build you much more as a person. And I really don't think most women would stop you pursuing an interest, unless that interest was random sex or something.

Anyway, OP, as a single 23 yo male, I can honestly say that the single life sucks. Big time. There's a thread for singles in the Cuckoo's Nest. Just ask them would they rather be single or with someone. If you're happy with what you got, then keep it. It's too big a risk. For a start the sex you're having now, with a woman you love will always be better than a once off, even you happened to pull Megan Fox. Guys are saying that women control ya, and stop you doing what you want. That's a very sensationalist way of putting it. A lot of my friends, and I reckon I'd be the same, would rather sit in, cuddled up to OH on the couch and watch a DVD with some bottles. The main reason most of my single friends go out is just to pull. Basically, unless you're unhappy with her, stick with it. As for the guys saying their OH is a lot more experienced, then just create experiences with them. Ask them what they've wanted to do but never did. Try sex outside or role-play or buy the Karma Sutra and give yourselves a month to work through it. Experiences are created through the things you do the amount of people you do them with.

iguana

who007 wrote: »

Would you in hiondsight have liked it if you were still with the person you were with at 20? I shudder to think how miserable I would be now if I did!

It depends on the person you meet. Would I want to be with any of the guys I was dating at 20? No, as nobody I knew back then was the right guy for me. However one of my friends began seeing her husband when she was 19 and they've worked great as a couple for over 10 years now. My parent's have a brilliant marriage and they were 17 and 18 when they got together. A good number of my aunts and uncles were in their late teens/early 20's when they met their spouse and while I don't know what goes on behind closed doors they all still have great chemistry with their partners.

I remember when I was 21 and the relationship I was in was ending. I was so utterly miserable at the thought of going back to being single. I knew we weren't right for each other but there was about a month where I was hoping I was wrong as the thought of being single again was so wearying. And I was always getting hit on back then, I had plenty of boyfriends and could have sex every night of the week if I wanted, but it gets old. Being single is fun and it's better than being with the wrong person, but it's also boring and repetitive after a while.

I've been living with my husband since I was 23 and while I'd never deny there are times when I want to throw a plate at his head, we have a great marriage. Neither of us are exactly the same people we were when we met, but we have grown into new people together. And that's what being with the right person means, somebody you can grow with. If you meet the right person it doesn't matter what age you are. If they are right for you and your relationship works then it's downright silly to throw that away in order to be single.

who007

iguana wrote: »

And that's what being with the right person means, somebody you can grow with. If you meet the right person it doesn't matter what age you are. If they are right for you and your relationship works then it's downright silly to throw that away in order to be single.

Yep - and I would hazzard a guess that you are with the right person. And yep being single isn't always fun but that's why people date. All in all I'd say you have a balanced outlook Iguana, but again I'd stipulate that not everyone is as lucky. Also, as I said before - both the people in the OP's post have said to each other that they are wondering should they give some thought to splitting up at college. That doesn't sound like one of those rare times where it does work or is meant to be. HOWEVER - life is long and full of surprises. Who's to say they wouldn't split up, see other people and end up together and married anyway in 5 - 10 years.

Not saying this with any of the poesters here in mind - I wouldn't dare make assumptions on people's marriages, but I find it strange that so many people get married so young in this country. They also do in America but for strange reasons... I spent a few months living over there and the yanks even told me themselves that they get married young to have kids when they are young so that if the relationship doesn't work out they will have at least had kids. I think a lot of countries where people feel more stable in themselves without looking outside of themselves for what they feel they are missing tend to marry later.

However, as with everything there are prob many other sides to it that I can't see or just plain don't understand.

who007

Unregistered wrote: »

A lot like some guys in relationships, except it's easier to break up with someone than to find someone who is good looking, funny, matching personality and everything else we look for.

For a start the sex you're having now, with a woman you love will always be better than a once off, even you happened to pull Megan Fox. .

on the 1st point - hey man I hear ya! Life's all about compromise, I know.

on the 2nd - yeah you are right there too but as I said before sex with different people is a different issue than experiencing what it's like to share a relationship with other people. If it was no one would ever get upset about "emotional cheating".

No worries on the relationship score with me anyway but thanks for your concern (can't think of the right word so that'll have to do.)
I am looking forward to being single for a while to be honest.

RealEstateKing

it's still a deeply conservative Catholic country.

The average single male gets laid 0.6 times a year in Ireland. Fact.

So don't make your decisions thinking singledom in Ireland will be like being Joey from friends!

That said, I do think there's something to be said for having as many laughs as you can while you're young.

who007

RealEstateKing wrote: »

it's still a deeply conservative Catholic country.

The average single male gets laid 0.6 times a year in Ireland. Fact.

So don't make your decisions thinking singledom in Ireland will be like being Joey from friends!

That said, I do think there's something to be said for having as many laughs as you can while you're young.

whaat? where do you live? the average single male can get laid plenty if he wants. And anyway - is that all a gf is for? Then that says a lot.

But absolutely agree with have fun when you are young!
No word back from the OP so I guess he's weighing it up still.