Confused- male opinion needed

andreac

Ok, heres the story.
I met a guy out in town few weeks ago, we got on really well and swapped numbers. To my surprise he actually contacted the next day and we arranged to meet up.
We met up four times since and got on really well. He treated me really well and we had lovely nights together. He spent his only day off before xmas with me which i thought was lovely, he also got a taxi out from town to meath one night which i thought, god he must be keen as hes making an effort.
We had been on the phone most days and textingalso and were in contact nearly everyday since we met the first night.
This is where i get confused, the last day we met was his only day off til xmas day and we had a lovely time together, cinema, drinks, food and back to his to chill and stuff.
So he said he wasnt sure when he would get to see me again as he would be really busy over xmas and that.
Ive contacted him a few times, text as he works nights and its easier just to text as he would be sleeping most of the day so couldnt really ring him.
Ive heard absolutely nothing from him since we last met and i just think its very strange, do guys do this?
Can they not just say that they dont wanna meet again or do they just ignore you and hope you get the hint?
He was actually the first guy in the last few months that seemed really genuine and a lovely guy, so thats why i just cant work it out.
So id just love to hear a guys opinion on it.
Thanks

The_Conductor

He seems to be genuine. Perhaps hes gotten tangled up in family stuff over Christmas (or even lost his phone or something?) From what you've posted- he does sound interested. I'd put it down to circumstances outside his control and try again....

andreac

Thanks, thats why im a bit head wrecked over it, he seemed really nice, i dont wanna contact him again as i dont wanna be wrecking his head. I mailed him yest and just said a little bit more than what i could in a text.

SamuelFox

I’m a guy and I’d advise you to wait out and see what happens- if he is a nice guy he probably has a good reason for not contacting you, if he’s an asshole you’re better off away from him. Would you be annoyed if he met someone over the Christmas? Was it at that stage? I’m not saying he did, just curious. Anyway, I reckon that there is no point in contacting him again, guys can get freaked out by girls who appear too eager. Give him a while and see what happens. Best of luck!

The_Conductor

andreac wrote: »

Thanks, thats why im a bit head wrecked over it, he seemed really nice, i dont wanna contact him again as i dont wanna be wrecking his head. I mailed him yest and just said a little bit more than what i could in a text.

If you've e-mailed him- the ball is in his court. Leave it be. If he gets back to you- well and good- if not, put it down to experience......... It is a bit strange though........

Darragh29

My 2 cents worth, he has a gf...

andreac

Thanks for the replies, no he def doesnt have a gf.

He is really busy, works nights in a bar in town and doesnt have much time off. He said lots of nice things that lead me to think we would meet again, just the fact that i havent heard from him since, over 2 weeks leads me to think its not going to happen now.

Maybe he did meet someone else, but it would be nice if he even said "look, im not into meeting again", thats all i would of liked, we had great time together and if thats all its going to be then fine, but it would be nice to know either way, thats all.

DeVore

Guys tend to be less conscious of this sort of thing to be honest. It does seem odd but I completely agree with the advice given above. Either he is a good'un and he will get back to you or he's a dick (or... married?) and wont.

You seem like a nice person... don't sweat it

DeV.

SamuelFox

OK, I’m not trying to get your hopes up but I know a bar man who will work his 12th night of the last 15 tonight. He might well be just too busy. Again, I don’t want to get your hopes up but give it time, and don’t stand still waiting for him!

andreac

Thanks Devore, well i think i am.
Ive just had a crap year with men and he just seemed like the first decent genuine one to come along in a while. Id be very pissed off if he turned out like the others ive dealt with as he really did seem like a nice guy.
Ah well, hopefully time will tell.

andreac

I know Samuelfox, they are very busy, he only had 2 days off over xmas. He is really busy, so maybe thats it.

m83

I don't understand that busy thing. I'm usually VERY busy but always find times for friends, family and loved ones no matter what.

Something is definitely up and time will tell if he doesn't.

Silverfish

Unless he works 23 hours a day 7 days a week, he can reply to a text or email.

Sounds like he's just not interested.

boarddotie

andreac wrote: »

Ive contacted him a few times, text as he works nights and its easier just to text as he would be sleeping most of the day so couldnt really ring him.
Ive heard absolutely nothing from him since we last met and i just think its very strange, do guys do this?
Can they not just say that they dont wanna meet again or do they just ignore you and hope you get the hint?

Sorry Im not a guy opinion but this happened to me too about 6 months ago.

So to answer your question 'do guys do this'-in my experience yes they do. And to answer the second question-they definitely do that and hope you get the hint but it actually might not even be as conscious as that. A different guy I was hanging out with suddely stopped texting me and a few months later started texting again. I asked why did you stop and he said he didnt think I was too bothered. But i presume this guy knows your bothered as you have texted and emailed him?

Also, when you said you had some nice nights with him do you mean sleeping with him nights? Perhaps has he got what he wanted and thats it?? I hope not.

I hope it all works out for ya! Its defo headwrecking.

Splendour

andreac wrote: »

I know Samuelfox, they are very busy, he only had 2 days off over xmas. He is really busy, so maybe thats it.

I hate to say it but if he was really interested he'd get in touch no matter how busy. How long does it take to write and send a text?
Apart from the lack of interest, I think it's extremely rude to ignore someone for two weeks. After all if it was a long time friend who did this you'd be pretty peeved.

And yes I do believe most guys will ignore you until you get the hint. I don't understand why they aren't just upfront about it though...

andreac

Thanks, its just hard to work out as he seemed so keen the few times we met up and it all seemed so positive, just loads of little things that made me think so.
Then to go to this, i just cant work it out. Im thinking the same, it doesnt take long to send a text or make quick call.

ergo

when did you last text him or how many unreplied texts have you sent at this stage?

you're right, it doesn't take long to send a quick text or make a quick call, no matter how busy you are

I must admit I've been guilty of this if I've lost interest in someone, not texting back as soon (though I'm a slow responder generally anyway) as maybe I would have previously, but I wouldn't just stop texting without actually talking to the person/meeting them or whatever. But I'm sure it happens.

there are the other opions: lost phone/ family stuff etc etc: give him a call and see. Maybe wait til tomorrow to call though!

Soodlebum

Hey Andreac,
This is also coming from a woman - hence the deviousness. Why don't you get a mate to hang out in the bar where he works? Even for a couple of nights. then you would know if he is a) actually working as much as he says and b) if he is a serial chatter-upper. Heck - what can you lose? You find out what he is about, and retain your dignity. Devious yes, but what the heck?

andreac

well last tues, it was 2 weeks to the day and i sent 4 texts, 1 was on the night i met him saying i had lovely night and got home safe, some of them just saying hi and hope your xmas going well and stuff. I text him on tues just asking whats happening and was hoping to hear from you and that maybe he could let me know either way whats happening as id like to know, either way.

Is it really worth calling him if he hasnt contacted me by this stage?

MIN2511

Soodlebum wrote: »

Hey Andreac,

This is also coming from a woman - hence the deviousness. Why don't you get a mate to hang out in the bar where he works? Even for a couple of nights. then you would know if he is a) actually working as much as he says and b) if he is a serial chatter-upper. Heck - what can you lose? You find out what he is about, and retain your dignity. Devious yes, but what the heck?

DONT YOU DARE DO THIS.......

There are many fishes in the sea!

You have texted and mailed him! Leave him be, continue with your life.

Look at it as experience-you win some and you lose some!

And no, no point ringing him. You haven't heard back for two weeks, you have texted and sent him emails...

metrovelvet

Sorry - not a guy.

Actions are louder than texts. I dont buy into the too busy excuse for that length of time, especially since you texted him.

He has either lost his phone or he is not interested. The only thing which will determine what is going on is whether or not you get an email back.

Saying that, if he had your email or address he could have contacted you those ways. Not looking good Im afraid.

Soodlebum

MIN2511 wrote: »

DONT YOU DARE DO THIS.......

There are many fishes in the sea!

You have texted and mailed him! Leave him be, continue with your life.

Look at it as experience-you win some and you lose some!

And no, no point ringing him. You haven't heard back for two weeks, you have texted and sent him emails...

Why the hell not? Clearly the girl is interested. the vibes she got were all positive. Why the hell should she not go for it. What I'm suggesting is damage limitation. She will get feedback from her 'plant', while not allowing herself to be humilitaed - if that be the case. Holy moly - yeah. Loads of fish in the sea - most of them barracudas!!!!

andreac

Dont worry, i wont be going spying on him, thats not my thing.

I just thought he could of said if he didnt want to meet up again, we had a nice time and if he wanted to leave it at that then fine, but i thought he could of least said.
Im not contacting anymore, i sent an email last night, in case he didnt have his phone which im sure is not the reason, so if he reads the mail and i still dont hear from him then hes def trying to give me the hint which i think is such a cop out.

MIN2511

Soodlebum wrote: »

Why the hell not? Clearly the girl is interested. the vibes she got were all positive. Why the hell should she not go for it. What I'm suggesting is damage limitation. She will get feedback from her 'plant', while not allowing herself to be humilitaed - if that be the case. Holy moly - yeah. Loads of fish in the sea - most of them barracudas!!!!

1. Boy meets girl, boy and girl go on 4 good dates before Christmas
2. Boy hasn't texted in the last 2 weeks
3. Girl has sent texts plus one detailed email
4. Boy hasn't replied

And you say she should STALK him???
You are entitled to your own opinion but if they were in a relationship or more(even if they were married) this is not the way to go about it.


Andreac-you seem like a nice girl... Please don't wait for this dude... It doesn't take more than a minute to text even though he's very busy.

metrovelvet

andreac wrote: »

Dont worry, i wont be going spying on him, thats not my thing.

I just thought he could of said if he didnt want to meet up again, we had a nice time and if he wanted to leave it at that then fine, but i thought he could of least said.
Im not contacting anymore, i sent an email last night, in case he didnt have his phone which im sure is not the reason, so if he reads the mail and i still dont hear from him then hes def trying to give me the hint which i think is such a cop out.

Yes it is a cop out but a lot are too cowardly to do the right thing.

Dean820

Leave it off I'd say. Don't make a fool out of yourself.

ergo

OK so there's a decent enough chance he's just lost interest and this is his way of avoiding any sort of awkward confrontation etc, highly mature I know but a male reality(i am a male btw but a female has done a similar thing to myself in slightly different circumstances)

he could still have lost his phone - you could maybe ring him from a private number to verify this (not too stalkerish I think) or try ring him from your number and see what happens

as for e-mail: I have a friend who's a barman in town and checks his e-mail approx every 2 weeks (it's not him by the way!)

another option: drop by where he works, when it's quiet and just ask "what's the story?"

It is not a nice feeling to finally think you've found something maybe worthwhile only for this to happen so you need to know one way or the other

Soodlebum

Nobody said anything about stalking!!!!
I was merely suggesting that Andreac be put in the picture. This is a good situation for her to be in. If yer man had told her he was a pilot, or a frigging astronaut, she would have no way of finding out if he was telling the truth. But she has a way. And a way that will leave her (i stress) with her dignity intact. She wouldn't have posted this thread if she wasn't nuts about the guy. He is behaving in a bad way - not contacting her etc. This way, she can find out, without the heartache of a bald rejection. Come on guys - who needs that? I repeat - Andreac wouldn't have posted this thread if she wasn't besotted.

spurious

He has your number. He knows how to contact you if he wants to.

He hasn't contacted you.


There will be others just as nice.

His loss girl, move on. It's a new year, let someone who deserves you glimpse your fabulousness.;)



**edit** not male, but partial to ladies.

St Bill

OP, although he seemed to be decent, he's not backing it up by keeping in contact. There's nothing worse than texting/emailing and getting no response. Cut your losses and forget about him.

Cantoris

As a guy and knowing my mates, no matter how busy we were we could make time to text back. I know guys and gals have their games and one of those is not to look too interested but if he went to the bother of getting a taxi out to you, rang you the day after meeting you (and therefore not playing the waiting game) and you had some nice dates, it's not looking great. He would want to have a seriously good excuse. There are plenty of nice guys out there who would be delighted to make the effort, even when they are busy.

MIN2511

Soodlebum wrote: »

Nobody said anything about stalking!!!!

You didn't but what you suggested is stalking!

I was merely suggesting that Andreac be put in the picture. This is a good situation for her to be in.

:rolleyes: good situation???

If yer man had told her he was a pilot, or a frigging astronaut, she would have no way of finding out if he was telling the truth. But she has a way. And a way that will leave her (i stress) with her dignity intact.

What would she get out of it, he's still alive and he never bothered texting? Double rejection IMO

She wouldn't have posted this thread if she wasn't nuts about the guy.

Nuts may be OTT, but you have a point. She like(s/d) him and is at a cross road but still it's not yet a relationship

He is behaving in a bad way - not contacting her etc.

Yes he is, no one is disputing that. This shows immaturity, i still don't understand how people carry on like this. It's unfair and rude!

This way, she can find out, without the heartache of a bald rejection. Come on guys - who needs that? I repeat - Andreac wouldn't have posted this thread if she wasn't besotted.

What else does she need to know?

I am not attacking you, your suggestion is way OTT

Snowie

Gotta say as a dude if he aint replying, he aint interested, He could of meet another woman or just not be interested.....

Your obvously taking it personally, understandable..... There's not a lot you can do im affraid, youle just begin to look desperate if you continue to carry on the way you are! delette his number etc...forget about him...

Sorry

Move on....

andreac

Thanks for all the replies, i know its not looking good, i was just seeing if this is what guys usually do or what.
Think im best just forgetting him, its just hard after we got on so well and had a lovely time when we did meet up.

Cantoris

Well if he does contact you it will be a nice surprise!!

Snowie

andreac wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, i know its not looking good, i was just seeing if this is what guys usually do or what.
Think im best just forgetting him, its just hard after we got on so well and had a lovely time when we did meet up.

well yeah some guys would avoid the issue and say nothing because they feel guilty about, hurting a girl but infact he cause's more hurt bye doing nothing

from my persective he sounds like a coward, and pretty disrespectfull one at that!!!!

regardless of how nice he was....

andreac

It will be, but im not getting any hopes up.

brendanuk

married or has gf gets my vote

andreac

No, i know he doesnt have a wife or GF.

Cantoris

We are really just speculating now so let's keep to the facts. At least you had an enjoyable spin up to Crimbo. New Year, new page.

the_syco

andreac wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, i know its not looking good, i was just seeing if this is what guys usually do or what.
Think im best just forgetting him, its just hard after we got on so well and had a lovely time when we did meet up.

Not knowing what he works as, I'll speculate that he may work in a pub. Having worked in a pub, the christmas period can be pure hell. Very busy, and when you go home, you just sleep. It's also a time where a lot of people try to get serious overtime. Christmas was probablly spent either with his family, or in bed.

Best thing to do is to leave a voice mail. Texts are pretty impersonal.

unhappycamper

Yes I think and I could be wrong that he is not interested in anything further because as busy as he might be working away the fact is if he was really thinking about you he would fit you in with a call or a nice text or maybe ask you out for a walk or lunch or something to help him get away from the long hours (what a long sentence, sorry!). I could be wrong but as a guy I know I wouldn't say to someone 'sorry I don't want to see you anymore', I just wouldn't be brave enough to say it, I would feel bad for the other person and just disappear into the shadows like a rat.

andreac

Thanks for all the replies, think i need to face the fact that hes prob not going to contact again, ah well, was nice while it lasted.

I just dont think it takes much to send a little text or whatever saying, had a nice time but want to leave it at that.

The_Conductor

andreac wrote: »

I just dont think it takes much to send a little text or whatever saying, had a nice time but want to leave it at that.

Well, I seldom reply to txt messages- and it can take me a long time to respond to e-mails- different strokes for different folks.......

Thankfully my wife is used to me........

andreac

Thing is he was texting and calling me most days up until then, thats why i thought it was a bit weird that it went from that to nothing.
If he was like that from the start (as in, not texting/calling) then i wouldnt be feeling like this. Its just annoying, thats all.

muboop1

andreac wrote: »

Thing is he was texting and calling me most days up until then, thats why i thought it was a bit weird that it went from that to nothing.
If he was like that from the start (as in, not texting/calling) then i wouldnt be feeling like this. Its just annoying, thats all.

hate sayign thsi stuff, mabey he has just broke his phone or soemthing, its hard to know. but what came to my mind is not that he has a gf or wife, but some old flame mabey came back into his life?

iv seen happen before, guy gets dumped or a relationship doesnt work out and both parties go seperate ways... guy starts getting over "ex", meets new girl and likes her.

"ex" somehow appears back on scene, old feelings come back, mabey never left... realises cant help how he feels for old girl, cuts losses with new one before gets attached.

id unno its just something iv seen a few times...

it's nothing personal, just bad timing

St Bill

It's still a crappy thing to do to leave someone hanging. A bit of backbone wouldn't go amiss

foolsgold

unhappycamper wrote: »

I could be wrong but as a guy I know I wouldn't say to someone 'sorry I don't want to see you anymore', I just wouldn't be brave enough to say it

Why not? I went out with a guy for 6 months and he finished it with a text message. I was devastated tbh more because I felt that he didn't even think enough about me to say it to my face...and he was old enough to know better...

It took me a while to realize that the fact that he was gutless wonder wasnt reflection on me.

unhappycamper wrote: »

I would feel bad for the other person and just disappear into the shadows like a rat.

Break ups are never good but never use excuse of not wanting to hurt other person to be a coward ....

OP it sounds like this guy is not interested, but as I can testify even cowards can text so who knows whats he is thinking....

Tim06

There is only one acceptable reason here as to why he hasn't replied and that is that his phone isn't with him, ie lost, stolen or broke.
i cannot think of any other circumstance where he is 'too busy' to reply, its common manners. i think that its just plain rude, as was said already even cowards can text.
On the other hand you are obviously really into him, a phone call would sort the situation out for once and all.

the_syco

Has the phone ever rang out, or always straight to voicemail?

Jammyc

Is the 'lost his phone and hasnt been online to check his mail' window still open?