Chatting up Girls

LegacyUser

Hey,
Ok, this one is more for the girls but...

.. What could a guy do or say in a nighttime situation that would make you give him a shot?

Being Ireland bars and clubs are the most likely place to hookup with someone in all fairness.


I've been single over a year. I know 4 girls who all ended relationships around the same time as me, the longest it took any of them was a month and a half to get a new guy.
Two good friend of mine wo daed for 6 years broke up within last 2 months and both have new partners despite not being used to the whole scene.

I don't know what to say anymore. I'm at a loss. What would a guy do in your experiences girls that'd make you think he was worth talking to and maybe give him a shot.

I've tried the plain "Hi!" approach. Most girls ignore you or the ones that don't usually respond in a "who the hell are you?" type attitude.

I've tried being direct and just telling a girl I thought she was cute and wanted to come talk to her then just transition the conversation to something else. This isn't my favourite thing though as they probably think you're just drunk and one of those gys going "oh ababy babay babay"

And I've tried this method going around of asking a question "Hey do you know where... did you see... what do you think..." but again in practise, although foreign girls seem to respond well to this, most irish girls have this "er, why the hell are you asking me this?" kind of responce.

I like to be funny and make girls laugh but coming in with this makes girls think you're a dancing clown, not a strong guy.
I can be funny around my friends but if I don't know someone I'm not great as I dont want to step on any boundaries.

Girls please. I am willing to try whatever you recommend when I go out. Try asking a girl something or a particular way to approach a girl that she might be receptive of but I'm at a loss as to what to do.

What would impress you?

RedXIV

OK you don't have to take my opinion on this but i'll let you know what works for me. For starters, if you're that desperate to talk to a girl, chances are the girls can see that so take a chill pill first. Next, the last thing any girl wants is to be followed around or stuck with some guy who won't take the hint to get lost, so i'd always throw in very early something like "Can I borrow you for just a minute?" or "One quick question and then i'll leave ye alone". Then they know they don't have to spend too long with you if they don't want and the vast majority of girls will be polite enough to entertain that request.

It's the next part which is crucial. After giving yourself a time limit, you now have a very short window of opportunity to operate in. Myself and one of my friends used to have arguments to draw women into the conversation. For example, my friend would be roaring one opinion and I'd be roaring another, this is done with enough dramatic effect of waving arms and facepalms until one of us with have an exaggerated look around, point at a girl and say "YOU! come here and tell him why......" and then when she expresses her opinon, go from there. Sometimes we'd both gang up on her after that, sometimes we'd get her to ask her friends but as long as we appeared more interested in the argument, she's not going to feel threatened by us. Also, it'd help if the argument was about something slightly saucy, as it gets the girls in the right frame of mind. personal favourite is the "are socks to bed sexy to girls?" argument.

One last thing, you said you have no problem being funny, but you want to appear strong instead? forget that, funny is the way to go. trust me.

Hope this helps, Red

Pen1987

Have an argument over something completely meaningless.

TMoreno

Smile and ask the girl if she would like to dance.
If you can't dance, just learn.

Stercus Accidit

Smile, eye contact, talk about things, ask them about things.

If you act very interested and enthusiastic about things, they will think you are interesting, and will be enthusiastic about you.

Its a very in-exact science, just keep trying, the girl spoken to is worth 5 girls not.

BaRcOe

Be mysterious. Attractive girls are used to getting chatted up by guys so be different(while being yourself) so you stand out from "normal guys" but dont be too different obviously.We dont wana scare em away now do we.

Always have a lighter ready for that hot girl who asks, "Have you got a lighter?"
A great way to start talking to someone by handing them a lighter. I dont smoke but I always bring a lighter for that reason, works a charm although I usually end up taking up smoking for the night cuz I feel more comfortable with a smoke in my hand while they are smoking too.

I dont mean to go into the whole chat-up lines discussion but a couple of things you Could say. Ask them the time, compliment them, make em feel good about themselves, theyl take this on board and maybe things will go further.

RugbyFanatic

OP having a pretend argument with your mate in order to pull is just sad and pathetic. I really think pulling is a lot easier than people think the problem is when people put far too much thought in it. On nights out I usually just walk straight up to girls I like and simply go 'Alrite' and start talking and eventually score, never had any problems. I think problems begin when your thinking ''OK I am going to get her attention in such a way and then I will start talking about this and that and then..''

Honestly strut over confidently dont ask them a question or any of that pua ****e nerds spout on the internet just go alrite and start chatting honestly I dont know why people do this whole 'can I get your opinion thing' I was actually talking to some friends about the whole pua thing and they said yeah they would regularly get lads coming up to them asking for 'opinions' and they're always thinking 'Im on a nightout, getting drunk, having some fun, dancing etc. why is this guy asking me my opinion on something stupid that doesnt involve me''

I mean girls arent stupid if theres a club full of girls and you go up to the attractive one to ask for a females opinion shes going to know full well your trying to get a way into her and then shes going to think ''why doesnt he have the balls to be forward is he afraid?'' which will instantly turn them off you.

All the asking for opinions malarky preys on the fact that the girl is ditzy and wont see what is really going on (i.e you want to build a rapport with her but are too afraid to be forward for fear of rejection so you pretend you simply just want a second of her time for an 'opinion') and yes it may work in America but I know in Ireland with all my attractive friends they see right through this, know what is going on and you will simply get the cold shoulder for not being man enough to approach them directly.

miders

it seems when you want someone.......noone is around.when you dont want anyone your swarmed!!!!!
well i was out the other night and fella approached me and my two friends said hey your a great dancer can i pull you on the floor for another dance!
i was impressed with his directness so i danced and chatted with him.
id say directness,,

shamrock2004

I have come to the conclusion that it is close to impossible to meet somebody who you would later consider a potential partner, on a night out. Contextually, I'm talking about chatting up a complete stranger within the nightclub realm - not a friend of a friend...etc Why? Many reasons.

1. Personal Intemperance
2. Bad ambiance such as loud music makes conversation difficult & incoherent
3. See number 1

I have to honestly say - as was mentioned prior, that foreign women seem a lot more approachable, probably because of the fact that they are in a different country and would like to meet somebody. I'm no expert, but one thing I am certain of when it comes to Irish women, is that they don't like guys that take themselves serious. No doubt Irish women are beautiful but I honestly believe they're not very approachable (Girls, take notice!) and can be a little icy - very difficult to jump that initial hurdle. And I know I'm not alone on this one.

I'm in the same situation as yourself. Im pretty much the only single guy in a big group of friends and sometimes it browns me off a little. I'm educated, (I am not narcissistic) have been told I'm good looking and have a friendly personality, albeit, I have bad luck with women! Maybe I set the bar a little high, but why not? I have standards. So what I have learned to do is just go with the flow. Sooner or later you will meet the right person - or they will meet you. Chin up!

Regards

Baggly

Bring/Be a wingman and target girls who go in twos. If they arent too into themselves banter will ensue

Snowie

Op all i can say on this one is read this just as an idea on what to say and what not and its entertaining....

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055440302

what i will say is if you build breaking the ice up with awoman in your head it will make you tence and not funny where as if you dont give a rats ass. your less on edge more funny and relax its like going to get a tattoo if you say oh it going to hurt like hell then it will where as if you dont build it up it wont be so bad ...

Pub07

Dont be looking for an approach or method, things work out better when your spontaneous and arent trying so hard.

If I was single my plan would be to go out and get seriously locked, have some serious craic and not care too much about I actually say to women just say it in a way that lets them know I mean business. God knows its worked well enough in the past. I wouldn't mind that crap about women not liking you if you're too drunk, they can't even tell how locked you actually are once they've had a few themselves tbh. You may find that your success with women will be directly proportional to the amount of alcohol you consume, as is the case with alot of people lol.

Vengeance

There's a wealth of information here, and I'm just going to sift through it and make some suggestions.

the last thing any girl wants is to be followed around or stuck with some guy who won't take the hint to get lost

Very very true, this is very important. Look for non-verbal clues to help you out if you aren't sure if they want you to stay away.

i'd always throw in very early something like "Can I borrow you for just a minute?" or "One quick question and then i'll leave ye alone". Then they know they don't have to spend too long with you if they don't want and the vast majority of girls will be polite enough to entertain that request.

Just a quick suggestion on the above; instead of asking a question or saying you'll leave them alone, have a more powerful statement.

Asking a question like that, subconsciously at least, gives the impression of subservience ie she's better than you. You want the OPPOSITE.

Saying you'll leave someone alone doesn't say much for your own company, does it?

You want her chasing you.

So make her fight for your attention. Don't peck (that's leaning in when you are listening or saying something), keep your posture dominant but relaxed, and try to start a conversation over your shoulder, because that is much less threatening, and it looks like you have something better to do than talk to her.

An FTC (false time constraint) is useful. That's what the above quotes are. You should say something like 'i have to get back to my friends in a minute' instead of the above. It conveys being busy and wanted by another group.

For example, my friend would be roaring one opinion and I'd be roaring another, this is done with enough dramatic effect of waving arms and facepalms until one of us with have an exaggerated look around, point at a girl and say "YOU! come here and tell him why......" and then when she expresses her opinon, go from there.

The above is an opinion opener. It's quite a good one, but you gotta make sure it's interesting. It means that you aren't just talking to her because she's hot, but for her opinion. At least that's what you want her to think!

BTW, don't roar. And never disagree with your wing, it makes you look weak either way: if he wins the argument, you look like a douche. If you do, then he's a douche and you're associated. Avoid out and out rows.

Honestly strut over confidently dont ask them a question or any of that pua ****e nerds spout on the internet just go alrite and start chatting honestly I dont know why people do this whole 'can I get your opinion thing' I was actually talking to some friends about the whole pua thing and they said yeah they would regularly get lads coming up to them asking for 'opinions' and they're always thinking 'Im on a nightout, getting drunk, having some fun, dancing etc. why is this guy asking me my opinion on something stupid that doesnt involve me''

You reckon you could pull Britney Spears, or Paris Hilton? :P

Because those 'PUA nerds' did it lol

Saying 'be confident' is a very general hint. It's a lot harder to 'be confident' if you don't know how.

you will simply get the cold shoulder for not being man enough to approach them directly.

Just ignore it, it really won't help. Trust me. It's not sad and pathetic, he's not going to help you by saying that.

Being direct is fine, as long as she's interested in you first (ie giving you eyes etc)

Fact is, this stuff works. Try it.

PM me if you need any more pointers.

JohnGalt

Consider the possibility that you are not suited to this type of thing. I have never had a problem getting to know girls but I would rather have a venomous spider lay eggs in my ear than to go around chasing them in a night club. The mere thought of doing that makes me want to blow some chunks

Wibbs

Well in fairness JohnGalt the trick is not to chase them. Chasing them makes you look like an eejit(actually for both men and women). Be your own man. I know this is vague. Maybe someone will explain it better, but be the best you that you can be, realise that you have something to offer. The woman you focus on may be cute, but lets face it cute is two a penny, so don't let that worry you. She has to be more than just cute to talk with you kinda thing.

Pen1987

Ahhh... PUA overcomplicates all that shite. It's not rocket science.

Vengeance

Wibbs is right, you have to make sure she's the one chasing you. Demonstrate value etc... while disqualifying yourself. ie. 'You couldn't handle me'

'A drink? Yeah okay, I'll have a drink.'
'No, buy me a drink.'
'Hahaha, I'm too high-maintenence for that'


etc etc

As for PUA... well, I've always chatted up girls with great success, subconsciously. I only realised what I was doing right when I saw a lot of that PUA stuff, it fascinates me. Even more so because it works.

seachto7

was out last night, drinking fizzy pop, plenty of women around, got the eye off a few in a pub, but where do you even start trying to talk to them. I personally think the pub is a waste of time. House parties or some other type of occasion are good I think.....I'm at a loss.....

I also agree that Irish women can be initially hard to talk to, but can also be the best craic when you get to know them....

JohnGalt

Wibbs wrote: »

Well in fairness JohnGalt the trick is not to chase them. Chasing them makes you look like an eejit(actually for both men and women). Be your own man. I know this is vague. Maybe someone will explain it better, but be the best you that you can be, realise that you have something to offer. The woman you focus on may be cute, but lets face it cute is two a penny, so don't let that worry you. She has to be more than just cute to talk with you kinda thing.

It isn't possible to do it without chasing them. Social protocol dictates that in the majority of situations it is left up the male to make the first contact, in which case you are making an offer which can be rejected or accepted. That is too close to chasing to interest me, I don't need to chase girls. Whats worse though are the thinly veiled intentions. That is the single biggest reason why I stay away from nightclubs as much as possible. Some idiot talking to some girl he doesn't know, pretending to want to know about her, faking laughter, all aimed at the goal of satisfying his over active libido. My advice to you Op is to avoid night clubs as they are best left to the filth

RugbyFanatic

Vengeance wrote: »

You reckon you could pull Britney Spears, or Paris Hilton? :P

Because those 'PUA nerds' did it lol

No they didn't they never actually hooked up with them.

Vengeance

I don't see how exactly you'd know that, but in respect to the OP i won't keep this pointless argument going.

JohnGalt:

Fair enough if you disagree, but calling people filth does not help the OP in any way... set up a thread about it if you want to complain. i can see this thread dwindling unless it gets back on topic NOW.

OP, you'll get a lot of good and bad advice on here, and it's up to you to make the distinction. You need to start building yourself up, instead of breaking yourself down. Stop thinking so much about things, make out simple directions or instructions for yourself and stick to them.

That's all I have to add.

scruff321

theres no secret there irish girls are alot of the time hard to approach and often very icey compared to any other country ive been too anyway... maybe thats just down to the way irish lads are aswell im not sure..you wanta relax OP your not the only lad in the same boat (im one of them lol) theres been some good suggestions been put up there,dont think about it and go for the moment,see what happens.

miders

I hope i dont come across as icy!im an irish woman and i love having craic and banter. ill chat with anyone who has balls to approach me!!

Wibbs

JohnGalt wrote: »

It isn't possible to do it without chasing them.

Really? I must be doing something wrong then(no surprise there:D). I haven't "chased" a woman since my mid 20's.

Social protocol dictates that in the majority of situations it is left up the male to make the first contact,

So? Big deal. Nature of the beast for the most part, though it's fun when the tables are turned. Cue me going.. "ehhhhh, ummmm, I'm confused"

in which case you are making an offer which can be rejected or accepted.

Again so? Big deal. No biggy really. If they reject me well then that's their prerogative, if they don't, well then game ball.

That is too close to chasing to interest me,

Not really, it's just social interaction. If I'm talking to a bloke and I ask him questions just to move the convo along, I'm hardly chasing the chap, am I?

I don't need to chase girls.

Which is good.

Whats worse though are the thinly veiled intentions. That is the single biggest reason why I stay away from nightclubs as much as possible. Some idiot talking to some girl he doesn't know, pretending to want to know about her, faking laughter, all aimed at the goal of satisfying his over active libido.

Look if I want to simply get the legover then I'll do the usual crap and it works, but that gets real dull real quickly. In any case she has an over active libido too and who am I to deny that?

My advice to you Op is to avoid night clubs as they are best left to the filth

Like most people? So most people are "filth"? Ooooooookaaaaaay hope that works out for you, but hey whatever floats your boat.

MIN2511

miders wrote: »

I hope i dont come across as icy!im an irish woman and i love having craic and banter. ill chat with anyone who has balls to approach me!!

I am not Irish but i am the same....

I hate when people lads are staring at my tits instead of my face, or the ones that go "do you speak English"....

OP, when you approach women are you drunk/sober? Because if you are drunk we just see you as a time waster, looking to score... Np with that, but some guys when drunk are very sleazy and we don't like that

A Primal Nut

JohnGalt wrote: »

Consider the possibility that you are not suited to this type of thing. I have never had a problem getting to know girls but I would rather have a venomous spider lay eggs in my ear than to go around chasing them in a night club. The mere thought of doing that makes me want to blow some chunks

Well, maybe you should give your tips on "getting to know girls"?

I never meet suitable girls in my day-to-day life so pubs and clubs are my only realistic option.

I'll agree though its not as common in Ireland to talk to complete strangers. In America, it is natural to start talking to girls in bars they expect it. I got with more girls there in three months than probably the rest of my life in Ireland, or definitely the first 21 years!! Personally, I don't see all this "drunken sex with random strangers" stuff that the media always say goes on in Ireland. I was in college until recently for four years in Dublin and currently live with students and I've never seen it apart from the very odd random isolated incident. Maybe I missed out! In my experience, when you approach an Irish girl they will sometimes think you are sleazy/desperate/a loser without giving you a chance. However I basically kept doing it until eventually it came natural to me and most girls I approach talk to me now because they feel that I am confident. At the start it wasn't like that at all because I came across as awkward. Once you start having some success it gives you confidence.

The hardest part is the opener -opinion openers are ok but I prefer situational ones. Most recently I kissed a girl who I started talking to by grabbing her santa hat and said I want to take it. It was quite spontaneous I wasn't expecting to score her at the time - too bad she turned out to be five years older than me.

Foreigners are usually the best to practice with at the start - I basically learned and got confidence approaching women around temple bar. Full of women on holiday or new to the country and they will nearly always want to talk to you, and they will go out of their way not to offend anyone in their host country so at least if your rejected it will be by "I have a boyfriend" rather than "just ignoring you" which Irish girls will do. Nothing wrong with that, I'd probably do the same if an unattractive girl approached me, although I wish some girls would give you more of a chance!

I'm no expert, but at least I have enough confidence to regularly approach girls now - I still have trouble developing relationships with girls. Some guys just naturally fall into relationships, some don't. Personally I seem to have to work hard and overanalyse every little detail in order to build relationships with women although I usually end up ****ing up by doing one thing wrong and then just get ignored indefinitely from that point on with no explanation. I'm past caring at this stage and right now I'm just happy having casual flings.

A Primal Nut

JohnGalt wrote: »

It isn't possible to do it without chasing them. Social protocol dictates that in the majority of situations it is left up the male to make the first contact, in which case you are making an offer which can be rejected or accepted. That is too close to chasing to interest me, I don't need to chase girls. Whats worse though are the thinly veiled intentions. That is the single biggest reason why I stay away from nightclubs as much as possible. Some idiot talking to some girl he doesn't know, pretending to want to know about her, faking laughter, all aimed at the goal of satisfying his over active libido. My advice to you Op is to avoid night clubs as they are best left to the filth

Only filthy people go to nightclubs? What are you, a priest?

shamrock2004

miders wrote: »

I hope i dont come across as icy!im an irish woman and i love having craic and banter. ill chat with anyone who has balls to approach me!!

See, this is my point exactly. What makes it that a guy has to have courage to approach you in the first place? Are you untouchable? Too cool for school?

LegacyUser

RedXIV wrote: »

OK you don't have to take my opinion on this but i'll let you know what works for me...

Have you been to the 'Mystery' school of pick-up artistry?

This is straight out of the PUA Handbook!

A Primal Nut

shamrock2004 wrote: »

See, this is my point exactly. What makes it that a guy has to have courage to approach you in the first place? Are you untouchable? Too cool for school?

Thats a bit harsh! Shes a girl if she gets approached often enough, why would she bother apporaching herself. It would be great if women approached more often, its happened me a couple of times, but criticising women because it is not in their nature to approach is a bit harsh. Men tend to be on the pull together and can break off from the group easier than women can.

Then again, it wasn't in my nature to approach till i forced myself, but why would you if you don't have to.

Plus I'm sure girls judge themselves on how often they get approached compared to their friends at least subconsiously, the same way a guy might judge himself based on who pulled the hottest bird in the group!

A Primal Nut

Unregistered wrote: »

Have you been to the 'Mystery' school of pick-up artistry?

This is straight out of the PUA Handbook!

Haha you'd swear by the way he posted it he came up with it all himself!!

More David DeAngelo though.:D

But, like music theory or sport coaching its something you have to learn till its subconscios then forget about and play from the heart. Which sounds a lot gayer than i intended.

shamrock2004

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh! Shes a girl if she gets approached often enough, why would she bother apporaching herself. It would be great if women approached more often, its happened me a couple of times, but criticising women because it is not in their nature to approach is a bit harsh. Men tend to be on the pull together and can break off from the group easier than women can.

Then again, it wasn't in my nature to approach till i forced myself, but why would you if you don't have to.

Plus I'm sure girls judge themselves on how often they get approached compared to their friends at least subconsiously, the same way a guy might judge himself based on who pulled the hottest bird in the group!

Ya, twas a tad harsh! Apologies

LegacyUser

I wouldn't discount the PUA stuff, it's worth reading the game and all the advice available and taking on board what would work for you. To follow exactly what they do in the game would be a bit much, to start wearing hawaiian shirtst and practising NLP would be nuts. More importantly in the book is a sort of general guide on what NOT to do. We've all had it on a plate and messed it up. The bits on body language I also found very interesting.

Some people have advised getting drunk and chatting, I'm the opposite I do much better when sober(ish). me=messy drunk.

miders

SNIFF.............ok ive recovered!!no im not untouchable or too cool for schooll!if i like someone i have no problem asking them do they fancy a drink.it goes both ways but USUALLY the guy does the asking.
however i do agree with some of the above points.my friends i find are horrific to some fellas......they ignore,laugh at or walk away.completely out of order and the centre of many fights amoungst us!whats the point thinking your great and noone is good enough??i dont drink and when i socialise i notice the drunken fools more so look for someone decent and sober.ish!!
i hope this helps op.
sorry for rambling xx

mbren

Great advice there people, but would you not consider just being yourself OP??

That way you are likely to meet a girl that you might have potential for a relationship with rather than putting on a big act and then her realising a week or a month down the line that you are a completely different person!!

Just my 2 cents anyway

RedXIV

Unregistered wrote: »

Have you been to the 'Mystery' school of pick-up artistry?

This is straight out of the PUA Handbook!

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Haha you'd swear by the way he posted it he came up with it all himself!!

More David DeAngelo though.:D

But, like music theory or sport coaching its something you have to learn till its subconscios then forget about and play from the heart. Which sounds a lot gayer than i intended.

Never pretended to have come up with all the stuff, i've been a strong advocator for anyone looking lost to read the PUA handbook. Whether people disagree with it morally or not, nobody can deny it works There are subtle differences though in what they do and what i do (correction: did, happily attached now). You'll find alot of the stuff in the PUA handbook will work well over in the states but because irish culture has it's differences, you need to adapt whatever your gonna use.

OP, summed up basically, what you need is to
1. appear confident. even if you don't feel it, fake it.
2. have fun, if you feel it's a chore, you'll get no where
3. remember that women can be just as randy as men
4. make em laugh
5. don't be afraid of cheeky banter

as i said above, i'm well aware of the game but most of the stuff i talk about is from personal experience. You want a night out with Pen1987 and eddie.fandango from boards to see pro's in action (with two VERY different styles i might add)

JohnGalt

Wibbs wrote: »

Really? I must be doing something wrong then(no surprise there:D). I haven't "chased" a woman since my mid 20's.
So? Big deal. Nature of the beast for the most part, though it's fun when the tables are turned. Cue me going.. "ehhhhh, ummmm, I'm confused" Again so? Big deal. No biggy really. If they reject me well then that's their prerogative, if they don't, well then game ball. Not really, it's just social interaction. If I'm talking to a bloke and I ask him questions just to move the convo along, I'm hardly chasing the chap, am I? Which is good. Look if I want to simply get the legover then I'll do the usual crap and it works, but that gets real dull real quickly. In any case she has an over active libido too and who am I to deny that? Like most people? So most people are "filth"? Ooooooookaaaaaay hope that works out for you, but hey whatever floats your boat.

Thats great, you are wrong

JohnGalt

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Only filthy people go to nightclubs? What are you, a priest?

No

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,
Thank you all for your replies.

I'll try respond in turn...

I think its just that I'm a freak and nobody will go out with me, a lot of this stuff sounds logical and from what I see with people around me its not difficult to get a date if u just act cool but its near impossible for me. I must be a freak.

RedXIV
The diea is good, I've heard that sort of thing before I just find Irish girls end up going "WTF? Why are you asking me this?" Being indirect doesn't work because most Irish girls always assume you are into them even if you are not. (Like my weird housemate but thats another story.)

TMoreno
I don't know why but girls will never dance if you ask them straight out. I've onlt ever gotten "Eh, I'm with my friends" if I asked them straight out. This seems to be an oldschool one but girls refuse it nowadays.

BaRcOe
I can see how being mysterious might make someone interested but when they won't give you the time of day in the first place its hard to make them want to know more.

RugbyFanatic
Probably some of the best advice here. It sounds so logical and normal. But like I said, if I was so direct gilrs just turn away or laugh or something. Maybe I'm just a freak that ti doesn't work for me.

Pub07
I've done drunk nights I'v done sober... common denominator, I go home alone and zero girls will talk with me.

JohnGalt
I'm not "chasing" girls, I just want to be able to be given a shot. As it is I barely feel human I'm treated like I'm such a low form of life nobody is willing to even look at me.

To everyone else.
I appreciate the comments. It just all assumes a girl would actually be into me and this never seems to be the case. I only ever had 1 nice girl into me and she cheated in the end telling me I was horrible. Nobodies perfect but never thought I'd treat anyone bad enough to get such a wicked responce but it appears I am. Even girls who've never met me don't want to from 20 miles away.

I must be a freak.

homerun_homer

Ok now you've taken a major step backwards. Stop calling yourself a freak and think positively. I know it's hard but if you don't then you may as well stay in and moan the rest of your life.
You're not the only one to find it tough to meet someone/pull. I find it very difficult because of the modern day female attitude that you and many here have met (not to tar everyone with the same brush and start that debate again). Anytime I've pulled in recent months it's been with girls who approached me which is great but I still have that intimidation factor to approach a girl.
Lately I've talked to girls based on seeing something that is blatantly in common, e.g. I saw a girl with a wrist band for a gig which I was at that night and when she passed I asked her what she thought. I didn't score (maybe she had a bf or maybe not interested) but I had a good conversation which we both had a laugh in for a good 20 minutes. You just have to go with the flow and see what happens.

Now perk yourself up and get the confidence brewing.

McGinty

I'm not "chasing" girls, I just want to be able to be given a shot. As it is I barely feel human I'm treated like I'm such a low form of life nobody is willing to even look at me.

Hi Op

The fact you call yourself a freak and consider yourself a freak will come across. Self hate and self disgust is a disaster when it comes to relationships or even being able to connect with someone. For as long as you think you are worthless, that vibe will come across to women and it will be off putting. It is unfair but very true. For now I would suggest you forget chatting women up and build your own self image. From your first post and second post you strike me as a nice, kind man who doesn't like himself. You need to build up your self esteem because no woman can give you that. Similarly no man can fufill a woman, she has to fulfill herself.

I say this because I have low self esteem but it is building up nicely but too slowly, what I do is think positive things about myself, for instance I might look at one aspect of myself and say yes I like that about myself and build up from there. Secondly own who you are, what I mean by this is if you are shy or quiet, own it, be proud of it, say to yourself this is who I am. I remember I met this bloke, (not romantically) he was obsese, married to a beautiful woman, hugely successful, wealthy, great fun and super confident, he was amazing to be around because he was so confident and fun. He owned the fact that he was fat, he said if you want to look skinny marry a fat bloke, he joked about it but it showed how confident he was. For me I found that incredibly attractive and I saw past his size. I have often spoken with attractive men who were physically plain, or even ugly but I didn't see that because they were confident. Confidence comes from accepting the totality of who you are, so accept yourself, warts and all, but don't label yourself as a freak, no one is a freak. I bet you are a lovely, warm man who can offer a lot, so believe in that. Let go of the self hate and the self bad talk and be nice to yourself, because sometimes others will find ways of bringing you down. Let them on Op you are your own best friend.

When you get confident and when you like yourself, women will automatically warm to you, they may even approach you, when I was single, if I liked the look of a guy I would approach him, so in spite of the posters who say Irish women are icy, we are not all icy, I do think the dating scene is considerably harder here in Ireland, you can still chat with and have the craic with people, and I have done that. When you feel more confident, my suggestion (as a woman) is to make eye contact with a woman first, if it is looking good, ie she is smiling and gazing back at you, then have a chat with her in the same way you would chat with anyone, she is human first so take care Op and the very best of luck.

Wibbs

JohnGalt wrote: »

Thats great, you are wrong

Hardly an enlightening answer is it? Why am I and most of the others wrong? Are you simply trolling or are you genuinely that closed off and why?

Vengeance

OP,

I empathise completely with you. I have felt that way, and it is not a good place to be in. The more you look at yourself negatively and analyse everything the more unhappy you will become.

As for Irish girls being 'icy'... this has not been my experience. At all. There are some girls I simply just wouldn't chat up because there are clearly very different interests ie someone who gets sh*tfaced all the time is not someone i'd chat up.

As far as all this advice is concerned, I'm beginning to think some of it is damaging you. RugbyFanatic can discount the PUA stuff and anyone else can; but the fact is that the same information has turned a lot of men's lives around dramatically, and nobody here disputes the success with women they have.

It builds up enough confidence (by having success) that you can be your own person, and let your own personality shine through.

If you think you've not got much to talk about etc... then pick a new hobby. Rock Climbing. Hiking. Start a band. And do it often so you'll have something to talk about with people.

Improving simple things in your life is the best way to start, and the most it will cost is a bit of money. Get a haircut. Buy new clothes. Work out (i'm surprised that working out hasn't come up; everyone knows it's a sure fire way to attract the opposite sex)

The people on here that have posted believe you can do it.

It's time for you to start doing that too.

You're not a freak. There's no such thing, half the sh*t you learn in school is prejudice and exclusion (and for others it's the opposite and they tend not to be as successful as those who learn the first thing)

More information about what you're interested in hobby wise, and other general aspects about you, the more everyone here can help.

jrodd

TMoreno wrote: »

Smile and ask the girl if she would like to dance.
If you can't dance, just learn.

HAHAHAHA!! Dont let Mr Belding catch you though

LegacyUser

Thanks McGinty,
You seem very down to earth about it. The trouble with confidence is I've struggled with it for a long time. 2 bad experiences have left me shattered with the hatred and revenge the first girl and her friends seeked towards me. The 2nd girl probably just broke my heart but none of it made a lot of sense and seemed more to do with other people interjecting than us. Nonetheless I had the misfortune of seeing her in a pub the other night (1st time in 7-8months) and the second she spotted me she freaked and made a scene. I looked away again and didn't go near her for fear of what might happen but I'm amde out to be a freak. I didn't do anything to the girl, she ended it, cheated, told my friends something about me and they don't speak to me either.

Ok, thats besides the point but how else would I regain any confidence in myself unless a girl might take an interest in me, or want to chat to me or maybe even interested in hanging out. But they never are. Everything the girl said is coming true that I'm so awaeful nobody will ever like me again she said. The longer she's right the worse I feel like life is meaningless. I know theres more to life but I've sorted my life very well in other areas, now I just want someone to share it with.

Also, I know girls will approach a nice guy in pubs. I've seen it, my girl and her friends used go out a lot and they'd always get guys every night because they walked around looking for guys to score. They had a competition once, theywnet out 43 nights and scored (at least) one guy every night.

Thats what makes it feel worse. If I was a nice guy, wouldn't SOME girl try to chat to me SOMETIME? In the past year I've spent so much money and worn myself out going out so much in the vain hope someone might talk to me or that I might get good at approaching girls but no.

I don't think I am HIDIOUSLY ugly. I'm 6ft, not fat, I spent a lot of money on good clothes, sometimes I get compliments on clothes but it being Ireland I get called gay more often for it. My hair is kinda curly at front and thin but I'm not bald and its not terrible. But the more its made an issue of the more I'm thinking everyone sees it and all the small imerfections I see must be a MAJOR issue all together when other girls see me because I'm never the one in my group a girl would talk to want to get with or approach. All the small things must be adding up to some MAJOR flaws or something, thats why I recon others must see me as a freak.

I've looked all over the net for help on confidence and self image, even ways to improve my looks but for a guy beyond going to the gym and not wearing a tracksuit everywhere theres not much else, you are what you are.

Wibbs

jrodd off topic posting is not allowed on this forum, so please read this forums charter before posting again. Only warning.

LegacyUser

Pen1987 wrote: »

Ahhh... PUA overcomplicates all that shite. It's not rocket science.

You know why they overcomplicate it ?

Because they want to make money off fools, and there is one born every minute.

TMoreno

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys,
Thank you all for your replies.

I'll try respond in turn...

I think its just that I'm a freak and nobody will go out with me, a lot of this stuff sounds logical and from what I see with people around me its not difficult to get a date if u just act cool but its near impossible for me. I must be a freak.

RedXIV
The diea is good, I've heard that sort of thing before I just find Irish girls end up going "WTF? Why are you asking me this?" Being indirect doesn't work because most Irish girls always assume you are into them even if you are not. (Like my weird housemate but thats another story.)

TMoreno
I don't know why but girls will never dance if you ask them straight out. I've onlt ever gotten "Eh, I'm with my friends" if I asked them straight out. This seems to be an oldschool one but girls refuse it nowadays.

BaRcOe
I can see how being mysterious might make someone interested but when they won't give you the time of day in the first place its hard to make them want to know more.

RugbyFanatic
Probably some of the best advice here. It sounds so logical and normal. But like I said, if I was so direct gilrs just turn away or laugh or something. Maybe I'm just a freak that ti doesn't work for me.

Pub07
I've done drunk nights I'v done sober... common denominator, I go home alone and zero girls will talk with me.

JohnGalt
I'm not "chasing" girls, I just want to be able to be given a shot. As it is I barely feel human I'm treated like I'm such a low form of life nobody is willing to even look at me.

To everyone else.
I appreciate the comments. It just all assumes a girl would actually be into me and this never seems to be the case. I only ever had 1 nice girl into me and she cheated in the end telling me I was horrible. Nobodies perfect but never thought I'd treat anyone bad enough to get such a wicked responce but it appears I am. Even girls who've never met me don't want to from 20 miles away.

I must be a freak.

I don't know if you're a freak but you lack of self confidence yet asking straight questions like "would you like to dance" is a sign of confidence.
If you're in a bar or in a club and there is music and a space to dance, asking a woman if she wants to dance is an obvious question. I am not saying that women will say yes all the time but if you're able to dance with her you will never sound ridiculous, as women love dancing with men.
Dance is a vertical foreplay.

LegacyUser

Ok, i'm female. I met my current boyf in a crowded bar. He was confident. Not locked. Girls dont like a bloke who is really drunk and all over the place.
I was a girls nite out, we were having a bit of a dance. He just sort of "placed" himself on the edge of our group, caught my eye, asked were we out for an occassion, birthday etc, and that was that. we chatted for ages, he took my number. He didnt try snog me, grope me, get me home with him! We met up later that week and the rest, as they say, is history. Just be nice, confident, if she isnt interested, then dont push it. If you are chatting away, offer to buy a drink. It depends on the type of girl too. We can be scary when we're in a large group. I wouldnt be the loud brash sort, but some girls are and can tell u to feck off just cos they are with their mates.
Hope this helps. Good luck!

St Bill

Unregistered wrote: »

2 bad experiences have left me shattered with the hatred and revenge the first girl and her friends seeked towards me. The 2nd girl probably just broke my heart but none of it made a lot of sense and seemed more to do with other people interjecting than us.

But the more its made an issue of the more I'm thinking everyone sees it and all the small imerfections I see must be a MAJOR issue all together when other girls see me because I'm never the one in my group a girl would talk to want to get with or approach. All the small things must be adding up to some MAJOR flaws or something, thats why I recon others must see me as a freak.

OP, give yourself a break. Life sometimes has the unfortunate habit of piling crap on people in general-there's really no need for you to be adding anymore to your own pile by thinking negatively about yourself!
As for your bad experiences, don't let them pull you down. You are definitely not the only person in the world who has had bad dating expereinces....we've all had them. The trick is to not let those bad experiences colour your view of yourself.
If you see a girl you like the look of :
Step 1 : Say 'Hello', (I hear it's still accepted in a lot of countries ). If she's rude, forget about her and move on.
Step 2 : If she responds favourably, talk about the music in the club/compliment her dress, hair etc/talk about holidays, how was your Christmas etc,
Step 3 : If she's interesting and/or nice to talk to and you can see you're getting on well, then you can take it to the next step and maybe offer to get her a drink.
Step 4 : Now it's your decision whether you want to spend the rest of the night with her, or ask for her number so you can meet up with her again and get to know her better.

Everyone has their own way of approaching someone, so the actual steps aren't all that important. However it is absolutely vital that you go through the steps at your own speed. Don't worry about what the girl might be thinking (if you've been a gentleman, she'll think highly of you anyway) look out for yourself and make sure you're happy with the way things are going before you move on to the next step.

.

LegacyUser

dom youn really think women cannot see thru that pua sh*te from idiots calling themselves mystery and other silly names. women have the net too and can read it and see when it being done to them just as anyone with half a brain can tell when thei manager has been to a weekend nlp workshop to learn tricks' to try on their staff