Have I wrecked OH christmas?

LegacyUser

hi all

Going under cover as the OH uses boards. Basically i went shopping the weekend for the girlfriends present after looking in every imaginable shop i bought her what i consider a beautyfull ring..... happy days set off home wrapped it up and was delighted with life. Until last nite when i was talking to my sister and told her what i got ( white gold half caret of dimonds ) and she looked at me in horror and said i cant give her a ring at xmas if it is not an engagment ring especially one with dimonds in it and she will be dissapointed when she sees the ring box and not get the " will you marry me " line

So didnt sleep great last nite and asked a few close fmale work mates. One said it would be fine that my OH would be happy and one basically said change it for something else ( i can by the way ill never get back to town in time ) that she got a ring one xmas and was in the horrors all holidays cause it was not an engagment one

Any advise PLESEA as i dont want to be the guy who ruined christmas for my girlfriend

Beruthiel

Is she expecting to marry you in the future?
Cos if she is and you give her a ring with diamonds on it, is she not going to jump to the conclusion that it's an engagement ring?
Can you go back and exchange it for a different stone?

LegacyUser

she knows i want to marry her in the future and i know she feels the same. I have been telling her i dont want to get engaged ( i do but its to put her off ). It just that the ring is not what a traditional rengagment ring would look like altho i know she will like it and one of my friends said she would love if she got it as an engagment ring. Also proposing in her parents sittting room is not how i would like to do it like it not exactly special.

I cant get to the shop before xmas so my choices are. Buy something else and get a refund after xmas. Give it to her and tell her its not an engagment ring or forget about my plans for the perfect proposal ask her on xmas morning and tell her the ring is only temporary till we pick a differant one if she would prefer

bangersandmash

Unregistered wrote: »

So didnt sleep great last nite and asked a few close fmale work mates. One said it would be fine that my OH would be happy and one basically said change it for something else ( i can by the way ill never get back to town in time ) that she got a ring one xmas and was in the horrors all holidays cause it was not an engagment one

The reaction of your second colleague sounds remarkably ungrateful and selfish. I think you can safely discount her opinion.

Unless engagement is something you have been actively talking about and the gift of a ring could be misinterpreted, I honestly can't see this being a serious issue. Many women would be grateful for a kind and thoughtful gift. If your OH really is "in the horrors" after receiving a beautiful gift like the one you describe, the issue would be with her unrealistic expectations rather than your choice of gift.

giddybootz

it depends on things like length of time you guys have been together, your age etc.
do you have other mini, stocking-fillery type gifts too....if yes just place all the pressies together so your not actually handing her the ring box.

im sure it will be fine....and she will most likely think it is a great gift!

herya

To be honest I'd go and exchange the gift for a pendant or bracelet or a pair of earrings. It's a lovely thought to get her a piece of jewellery but even if your girlfriend is sane enough not to jump to conclusions I'm sure at least some of her friends and family will be silly enough to keep bothering her with stupid questions.

What did he gave you for Christmas?
I got a diamond ring.
Awwwww you're getting married then?
No it's just a lovely ring.
Ah sure you must be joking, I'm so happy for you, what is the date, can I be your bridesmaid?
.... :eek:

For your gf's sake spare her this.

Das Kitty

I'm definitely falling on the side of no rings before an engagement ring for your OH if she's a person who sees herself getting married.

To be honest I think you'd be far better getting her something crap than giving that to her if you're not going to pop the question.

Could you send a friend in to exchange it? Ask your boss for the time off?

You obviously are mad about her judging from her gift, but it could hurt your relationship if you give her the wrong indication of your immediate intentions. If you know what I mean.

Good luck OP!

biko

I can only speak for me and my gf but a diamond ring would only be interpreted one way. "It's just a ring honey" would earn me a lonely bed Christmas.
I suggest changing it.

Blazer

Congrats on your engagement

Seriously dude though ...what were you thinking?
If you can take it back and get her matching earrings and necklace or something like that.

junior_apollo

If your unable to get it changed in time my advice is...

1. Buy another present and change the ring when you do get a chance.. and never ever tell your OH that you bought it and exchanged it.
2. Bite the bullet and stick a question with it.

But IMHO I would deffinately not recommend handing that ring which looks (from description) like an engagement ring.. its a no brainer... She would sit there staring at you wondering where is the question and why arent you on one knee...

Das Kitty

junior_apollo wrote: »

and never ever tell your OH that you bought it and exchanged it.

Well maybe if you do marry her on your Ruby wedding anniversary.

jellie

i think it entirely depends on your own relationship.

if youre in a place where engagement would be a possibility then a ring is probably a bad idea because not only would it give her ideas, it would give other people ideas.

or, if your girlfriend is sane, you should be fine.

Personally I would have no problem accepting a ring as a present from a bf, unless the relationship had gotten to the stage where i was waiting for him to propose & it wasnt happening (ive never gotten like that so maybe thats why i think its ok)

nice1franko

what junior apollo said

jobucks

why don't you just pop the question??? It seems like you are crazy about her anyway? Or is she not "the one"

orchidsrpretty

A couple of years ago my Sister got a ring off a boyfriend for christmas, she was so happy when she saw the ring and so upset when he said "don't get any ideas!"
So in short unless you are planning on proposing, don't give her the ring.

Dord

Change it for a necklace or something?

LegacyUser

op, i got a ring last christmas, it's a beautiful ring, with diamonds but not an engagement ring. i wear it on my middle finger so there's no way it's confused with an engagement ring. when i opened it, i had about 2 secs of 'oh no way, he's not proposing is he' then along with the other presents and the fact that he wasn't hopping about on one knee with a stupid grin on his face i understood very quickly that it wasn't meant like that.

how in god's name would someone be in the horrors because she got a gorgeous present? there's no way you could ruin christmas, unless shes expecting to get engaged (and by expecting I mean, has everyone told she's getting engaged!) in the first place and then you don't propose.

Enjoy it, wrap her presents up all together and give them all to her, if the subject of engagement comes up then say something like when we get engaged i want to give you something even more beautiful, not a small token like this....

SheRa

herya wrote: »

To be honest I'd go and exchange the gift for a pendant or bracelet or a pair of earrings. It's a lovely thought to get her a piece of jewellery but even if your girlfriend is sane enough not to jump to conclusions I'm sure at least some of her friends and family will be silly enough to keep bothering her with stupid questions.

What did he gave you for Christmas?
I got a diamond ring.
Awwwww you're getting married then?
No it's just a lovely ring.
Ah sure you must be joking, I'm so happy for you, what is the date, can I be your bridesmaid?
.... :eek:

For your gf's sake spare her this.

+1,000,000

I would feel exactly the same OP. I do think that its not beyond the realms of possibility that she would think that it was an enagement ring.

You doont know if she secretly hoping to be proposed to or what is going on in her mind. Seriously, absolutely dont give her a diamond ring unless its an enagagement ring.

LegacyUser

she knows i want to marry her in the future and i know she feels the same. I have been telling her i dont want to get engaged ( i do but its to put her off ). It just that the ring is not what a traditional rengagment ring would look like altho i know she will like it and one of my friends said she would love if she got it as an engagment ring. Also proposing in her parents sittting room is not how i would like to do it like it not exactly special.

I cant get to the shop before xmas so my choices are. Buy something else and get a refund after xmas. Give it to her and tell her its not an engagment ring or forget about my plans for the perfect proposal ask her on xmas morning and tell her the ring is only temporary till we pick a differant one if she would prefer[/QUOTE]

i will probably but a differant present and keep the ring and give it to her after we do get engaged cause i feall like the one i got and so will she i have no doubt about that. As i said above proposing in that way is not very special

Piste

Aw I think it'd be a lovely present! You're the only one who knows your girlfriend, do you think she'd go crazy if she thought it wasn't an engagement ring? Do you think she'll immediately think "engagement ring" when she sees it?

I think it'd be really mean and selfish for her to sulk all through the holiday if she thinks it's an engagement ring and it turns out not to be. If she's a decent, sound girl she'll be delighted you got her such a pretty gift!

AngryBadger

Piste wrote: »

Aw I think it'd be a lovely present! You're the only one who knows your girlfriend, do you think she'd go crazy if she thought it wasn't an engagement ring? Do you think she'll immediately think "engagement ring" when she sees it?

I think it'd be really mean and selfish for her to sulk all through the holiday if she thinks it's an engagement ring and it turns out not to be. If she's a decent, sound girl she'll be delighted you got her such a pretty gift!

+ infinity, seriously, maybe I'm just crazy, but it sounds like you went and put a tonne of thought into a lovely Christmas present for someone you love, if she gets upset that you don't propose then I'd actually say that maybe you shouldn't. Ever.

Eoin

sar84 wrote: »

i think it entirely depends on your own relationship.

if youre in a place where engagement would be a possibility then a ring is probably a bad idea because not only would it give her ideas, it would give other people ideas.

or, if your girlfriend is sane, you should be fine.

Personally I would have no problem accepting a ring as a present from a bf, unless the relationship had gotten to the stage where i was waiting for him to propose & it wasnt happening (ive never gotten like that so maybe thats why i think its ok)

I don't think it's a matter of her being "sane" or not - a diamond ring at Christmas that isn't an engagement ring? I can't see how it wouldn't be interpreted as one at first.

The OP will have to clarify that it's not an engagement ring, and while I'm sure his fiancée girlfriend won't sulk and I'm sure it won't wreck her Christmas, it could still detract a little from the present and there could be some disappointment.

And as herya said, her friends and family will also probably be on her case as well when they find out she got a diamond ring for Christmas.

acorntoast

Forget about the ring, take it back is my advice, for all of the reasons above ^ by Eoin and others.

Get something else, online, now. Get a voucher for a weekend away somewhere nice, buy flights right now for a weekend to Paris and print out the details and show her those.

It's never too late to get a gift because of the miracle of t'interweb.

Saruman

Is this a ring that could be an engagement ring? You could always keep it and give it to her another time
Do not give it to her this time though.

MagicMarker

I say exchange it. Not because it could be interpreted as an engagement ring, but because you wasted your money on a half carat of diamonds!

WTF were you thinking spending that kind of money? (assuming it's a high quality ring with actual diamonds.)

Take it back and by something useful.

LegacyUser

Saruman wrote: »

Is this a ring that could be an engagement ring? You could always keep it and give it to her another time
Do not give it to her this time though.

Its not a solitare or anything it would not be instantly recognised as a traditions engagment ring its just that it has dimonds in it. I dont mind getting engaged at all i am actualy looking forward to doing it seen as the oh has no idea that its on the cards at all and i could give it to her as an pre-engagment ring till we picked one out together but as i said previously popping the question in her parents sitting room on xmas morning is not the most romantic setting in the world

i think i will just buy her something else

Lothaar

Dude - the simple answer is to propose to her!

You want to marry her. You plan on getting engaged to her (even though you say you don't, just to put her off). You have an engagement ring... it's all set up for you.

If you want to make the proposal special, take her to the nicest spot in your area on Christmas Eve. Something that overlooks the sea or is very romantic. Don't tell her where you're going. Then tell her that you want to buck tradition by letting her have her present early. Hand her the ring. When she opens it, ask her if she'd mind wearing it on her left hand... for the rest of her life! Then drop to one knee and pop the question!!

BTW - my uncle proposed to my auntie on Christmas Day, in front of her parents. They've been happil married for 20 years. That works too.

Oh, and don't worry about 'devaluing' the proposal because you got the ring as a Christmas present rather than an engagement ring. Think of it as 'seizing the opportunity'. She'll love it!

LegacyUser

Lothaar wrote: »

Dude - the simple answer is to propose to her!

You want to marry her. You plan on getting engaged to her (even though you say you don't, just to put her off). You have an engagement ring... it's all set up for you.

If you want to make the proposal special, take her to the nicest spot in your area on Christmas Eve. Something that overlooks the sea or is very romantic. Don't tell her where you're going. Then tell her that you want to buck tradition by letting her have her present early. Hand her the ring. When she opens it, ask her if she'd mind wearing it on her left hand... for the rest of her life! Then drop to one knee and pop the question!!

BTW - my uncle proposed to my auntie on Christmas Day, in front of her parents. They've been happil married for 20 years. That works too.

Oh, and don't worry about 'devaluing' the proposal because you got the ring as a Christmas present rather than an engagement ring. Think of it as 'seizing the opportunity'. She'll love it!

Thanks Lothaar

I dont say no to engagment to put her of the idea i say it to put here off the trail so it would be a complet suprise

Eoin

Lothaar wrote: »

Dude - the simple answer is to propose to her!

You want to marry her. You plan on getting engaged to her (even though you say you don't, just to put her off). You have an engagement ring... it's all set up for you.

He said he wants to in the future - I wouldn't recommend making a snap decision based on a mix up over a Christmas present.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Take it back and by something useful.

She might not appreciate a swiss army knife.

RossFixxxed

Good holy god really? It's a ring? Is SHE the type to go jumping to mad conclusions like this? I would have thought a ring is a ring to be honest. I bought something similar years ago and it never even crossed our minds...

Bloody hell. I wonder if my xbox games I'm hoping to get are ENGAGEMENT Xbox games?!!

It's down to the girl dude. Seems a bit unappreciate of someone to get a lovely present and then want more as it were. Here's a hotdog... Where's my ketchup? Is it an engagement hotdog?

Good luck dude, this seem sto be some mad minefield i never knew existed!! Women eh?

whiskeyman

I'd try and exchange it / get something else if possible.
Heck, I nearly fell into getting my OH a watch last year, but only found out afterward the whole 'secret engagement' thing. That pretty stupid, but getting an actual ring is a minefield.
As someone mentioned before, for her own sake, get something else!

twentysomething

whiskeyman wrote: »

Heck, I nearly fell into getting my OH a watch last year, but only found out afterward the whole 'secret engagement' thing. That pretty stupid,
quote]

How is a watch a secret engagement, i've never heard of that before...

Eoin

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Good holy god really? It's a ring? Is SHE the type to go jumping to mad conclusions like this? I would have thought a ring is a ring to be honest. I bought something similar years ago and it never even crossed our minds...

Good luck dude, this seem sto be some mad minefield i never knew existed!! Women eh?

You genuinely don't see how a diamond ring at Christmas could possibly be interpreted as an engagement ring?

LegacyUser

Hey OP, why not just tell her your dilemma? Maybe tomorrow night, when ya have a minute alone, let her know that you got her a nice gift, but now you're worried she'll think it's an engagment ring. She'll probably tell you that you're an eejit for worrying.

The only way giving her a ring for xmas could backfire on you is if you let her make assumptions about its purpose. Take away her ability to do that and everything will be fine.

You might feel like you're ruining the suprise or something, but you're not children, there's no big deal. You were not intending to propose on Thursday. Keep it that way.

Darragh29

What age are the both of you???

< 28, she has a problem...

> 28, you have a problem!

I would say it depends how much she likes diamonds.
If they are set into the band. I would say that your grand. Just don't bring up the not getting ideas thing!

GSpoon

could be like a promise ring, if you both intend to get engaged in the future and if you feel you both arent ready for it at the moment its actually a really romantic gesture to get her a promise ring.

I wouldnt freak out too much. You hardly would have bought it if you thought she would freak out. You must have been thinking about it for a while, so remember all the reasons why you did buy it.

MagicMarker

GSpoon wrote: »

could be like a promise ring, if you both intend to get engaged in the future and if you feel you both arent ready for it at the moment its actually a really romantic gesture to get her a promise ring.

I wouldnt freak out too much. You hardly would have bought it if you thought she would freak out. You must have been thinking about it for a while, so remember all the reasons why you did buy it.

Please don't mention promise rings! Promise rings are for 16 year old Americans who get their mother's to help them pick one!

GSpoon

MagicMarker wrote: »

Please don't mention promise rings! Promise rings are for 16 year old Americans who get their mother's to help them pick one!

Clearly that is not the type of ring i mean!! And we are not in America:p

Trinity

Something similar happened to me. (female).

Depends on the context of your relationship. We had discussed getting engaged and he had told me he would pop the question on a special day like christmas/valentines etc so i was half expecting it.

Now i will sound ungrateful here but you have to understand we had at the time very little money and i was 8 months pregnant and had planned on getting engaged anyway. Anyways he drives to the spot where we met for our first date, stops, talks out the ring and i am thinking whoa **** here it comes

It wasnt. It was an eternity ring. He had paid 800 euro for it and i was gobsmacked for 2 reasons. Firstly because we did not have that kind of money for a "normal present", (in fact it was just a present for having his baby LOL) so that was way OTT i'm not materialistic in the least and i knew once he spent that much on a ring, the engagement one was a couple of years away as the money was gone if you know what i mean when he could have got an engagement one for the same price.

And secondly cos i hate jewellery so a normal ring to me was a waste of money.

Now i know it was a nice gesture, lovely in fact but for all the reasons outlined above i was not a happy camper. The romantic gesture on top of it made me more convinced it was a proposal.

He ended up changing it for an engagement ring despite my protests but by then it was a flop and to the outside world i forced him to get engaged, i have no happy memories of his proposal

Anyway OP my point is yes it can be misunderstood and if it is it could in fact ruin a future proposal, possibly if it happens like mine. I told him outright i didnt want to get engaged under those circumstances but he felt so bad he did it anyway and i felt awful about it and still do as i dont feel he asked i feel he felt obliged and he ended up handing me the ring in the car park of the ilac centre.

Das Kitty

A friend of my husband's got his girlfriend a "commitment" ring. Basically she has been looking to get married for years (10 years together this year). So he bought her the ring to buy himself time (his words). He's also telling people (including me who hardly knows him) that he's just waiting for a better offer to come along and he's off. Nice!

She's as bad though in a clingy sense, she saw me talking to him and threw a wobbly, saying she understands that it's because I went to a mixed school that I'm so overtly sexual with men. I wouldn't mind but I must have had a sour face on me listening to his rubbish.

:P

LegacyUser

Hi
My now husband bought me a diamond ring for my 21st birthday and when he was giving it to me he looked sheepish and said it's not an engagement ring.
It was fine, I loved the ring
I suppose it depends on your relationship and what she expects from it

Richie

Darragh29 wrote: »

What age are the both of you???

< 28, she has a problem...

> 28, you have a problem!

If you genuinely believe that life is THAT cut and dry, then YOU'RE the one with the problem Darragh!

RossFixxxed

eoin wrote: »

You genuinely don't see how a diamond ring at Christmas could possibly be interpreted as an engagement ring?

I do see how it COULD be, but surely a bit of an initial conversation could resolve that. And knowing where you are in the relationship?

Maybe I'm just totally blind to this whole thing and my OH (of 7 years eep) is going to murder me!

R

sugark

If my fella gave me a ring at Christmas with diamonds in it, my immediate interpretation on opening it would be that it's an engagement ring (we're both in our thirties and together a while). While I wouldn't go so far as to say that it would ruin Christmas, I'd be a bit upset that he had unintentionally made me think he was going to propose, and then there wasn't any proposal. And as someone previously mentioned, the questions about "what did he get you" and all that stuff from friends, family and work colleagues, would get the sanest, most reasonable of women upset. Also, you're girlfriend may be secretly expecting a proposal this year - imagine how unintentionally cruel it would be to give her the ring then.

So in fairness, whilst I'm sure she'd love the ring and that you really wanted to get her something to make her happy, maybe it wasn't the wisest choice.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies

here is another question for ya's

how un-romantic would it be to ask her the question on xmas morning in her house we exchange gifts in a room away from her family so would get some privacy. If i tell her the ring is temporary and when we do pick one together take her away for the weekend or something

we are both late 20's. Both still living at home ( saving for a house ) so breakfast in bed romantic dinner is out

Aloysius Flyte

Sorry OP, it's an un-written rule that someone hasn't told you about until now. I'm sure it a beautiful ring, but you can't do that to her. If you can, change it. Even better, if you can afford it, get her something else and then maybe, a day or 2 later or during a relaxed private moment, tell her the story and give her the ring afterwards, when both of you can laugh about it.

It never ceases to amaze me how stressful Xmas can be, when it's meant to be a time of giving. Sounds like you have a great relationship, and if she is truely worthy of your love, she'll be able to laugh about it with you.

bstar

if u dont wanna do it in front of everyone is there anywhere near her house u could go for a walk on xmas day and then propose in a nice park or somewhere and she can come ack and tel everyone? i personally would have hated it if my fiance asked me in front of everyone.

The_Conductor

To be honest- why does it have to be exchanged.
The OP does intend to ask his g/f to marry him.
Its not an unwritten rule that the girl gets to choose the ring- hell, I commissioned a jewler to make a bespoke engagement ring for my now wife. She wasn't the most impressed at the time- but now appreciates the trouble I went to, and after all, its a symbol of commitment, that commitment being marriage- the engagement ring being superceded by the wedding rings. My wife chose both wedding rings........ (from the same jewler I commissioned to make her engagement ring).

I really don't see what the problem is- ask her in private- perhaps get a red rose and make a small presentation to her in private- but do go down on bended knee and do as much of the cermony as possible.

You could ring Roly's in Ballsbridge and see if its possible to get a romantic meal for two- they're very good in there.

Best of good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

SMcCarrick

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks for all the replies

here is another question for ya's

how un-romantic would it be to ask her the question on xmas morning in her house we exchange gifts in a room away from her family so would get some privacy. If i tell her the ring is temporary and when we do pick one together take her away for the weekend or something

we are both late 20's. Both still living at home ( saving for a house ) so breakfast in bed romantic dinner is out

Jesus man, if you're going to propose then do it right!

Proposing just because you happened to get a ring that happens to be associated with engagement is not the way to go about this!

You're only going to get one proposal, don't you want it to be memorable for the right reasons?

It's a gift isn't it? If she can't handle it then forget about her.