She wasnt impressed when I asked her name

LegacyUser

Hi, sorry I know this isnt a big personal issue compare to most things here.
But Im just wondering what women here would think if a guy you were flirting with for weeks on end in the same pub asked your name when you presumed he should have known it?

Basically Im bumping into this same girl and were flirting back and forth for weeks on end, she knows my name and Im pretty sure she told me hers. She had to have because it was at the tip of my tongue all the time. Anyway I let this situation drag on and on.
So I met her last again last week and she walked up to me smiling,but this time I was admittedly quite drunk. And I just said "I have to ask, whats your name?"(cringe) And she just told me her name and walked away. She genuinely looked quite unimpressed. At the time I was thinking that I was just being honest by asking her straight out,but maybe I should have done it in a more roundabout way.

Now Im thinking to myself, if shes gonna be like that forget it, but Im just wondering did she overreact or was it a bit stupid on my behalf.

Nevyn

Why didn't you bother to ask her before now ?
Why didn't you bother to find out of her friends or regulars in the pub ?
Such information is not that hard to get.

seamus

I would say that forgetting someone's name after you meet them for the first time is OK. Assuming of course that you don't talk for hours.

Forgetting it after that basically shows that you're not that interested in them at all. If you've been talking to this girl for weeks on end, you should know her name. You should have asked the second time.

Women like it when men are interested in them (as opposed to viewing them as nice hot piece of meat). Remembering her name is the most basic of these.

If you can remember her name after only meeting her once, she'll be impressed. If you can't remember her name after meeting her twice, you can forget about it.

Jack Sheehan

Well some people are just awful with names, myself included. I guess you'll know for next time. Someone tells you their name, pay attention!

In$omniac

I'm shyte with names also, I'd prefer if most forgot my name to be honest, I hate it.
At least you won't forget her name next time you see her, you do still remember it don't you?? :P

Queencake

She didn't overreact. She just lost interest which she's fully entitled to do.

To answer your question, yes, you were "a bit stupid" about this. Tbh if I'd been in her shoes I'd probably just think "Wow, he's a bit dim or is crap at socialising if he couldn't be bothered to learn my name with some tact." To forget her name after one meeting is understandable considering you were drinking but not having the cop on to ask the 2nd time you met her or to find out her name some other way smacks of being either kinda dim or bad at socialising. Either way it isn't appealing.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies, and no ive no excuses,I should have asked her earlier, and I didnt want to ask her friends. I just told myself , right, Ill ask her now!
Not to mention , like others here Im very very bad with names, Ive had some awful moments in the past having full blown conversations with people calling them the wrong name. I wouldnt mind but i wouldnt care if it was me. Id just take the p1ss out of them or something.
Anyway thanks for the replies, good to know she wasnt over reacting.
and yes I do remember it now lol!!

LolaLuv

I've known and spoken to people for weeks without knowing their names, or forgetting them, so I know what that's like. My solution is to invite them somewhere, ask their number so you can text them the details, then ask them how to spell their name when you're putting it into your phone. This works wonderfully, unless their name is "Bob" or something, but I've found it's generally worth the risk.

messedupunreg

messedupunreg wrote: »

Hi, sorry I know this isnt a big personal issue compare to most things here.
But Im just wondering what women here would think if a guy you were flirting with for weeks on end in the same pub asked your name when you presumed he should have known it?

Basically Im bumping into this same girl and were flirting back and forth for weeks on end, she knows my name and Im pretty sure she told me hers. She had to have because it was at the tip of my tongue all the time. Anyway I let this situation drag on and on.
So I met her last again last week and she walked up to me smiling,but this time I was admittedly quite drunk. And I just said "I have to ask, whats your name?"(cringe) And she just told me her name and walked away. She genuinely looked quite unimpressed. At the time I was thinking that I was just being honest by asking her straight out,but maybe I should have done it in a more roundabout way.

Now Im thinking to myself, if shes gonna be like that forget it, but Im just wondering did she overreact or was it a bit stupid on my behalf.

You flirt with a girl for weeks, then after this time, you come up to her drunk and asking her name.
...did she overreact? You must be joking.

No, you shouldn't have asked her in a more roundabout way. You should have asked her the 2nd time you met her, or asked somebody else, or asked for her number and then asked how to spell her name when putting it on your ph. For god's sake it's not that difficult and refusing to put any effort into it displays that you just don't care.


edit: lol pillypen, snap

petethebrick

I once went on about 3 or 4 dates with a girl and didn't know her name. I met her at a club when drunk and asked her out, stored her name in my phone as clubchick or sumthing silly.
She knew my name ahen we next met and I was therefore embarrassed that I'd forgotten hers. I thought it would arise at some point in the evening but it didn't because it was just the two of us. Obviously on the second date a week or so later I couldn't ask her name! So while having a drink and fiddling with my wallet ask her can I see her trinity student ID as I havent seen one before. She says no as its a bad photo :mad:
She then caught me going through her handbag looking for same said ID card while she was at the bathroom....nightmare....I told her I thought I heard her phone ringing...she gave me a strange look....She wasn't coming back to my place that night anyway
So the next date I'm thinking to myself that this is ridiculous. So while having a drink I ask take a chance and ask her at one point how exactly she spells her name (Well - a lot of names have multiple spellings no??) She looks at me like Im some kind of retard and says 'em, just the normal way M A R Y).....
Yeah OP...prob good idea to just get that name reinforced on the first meeting^^

Madame Razz

speaking as somebody who is woeful with names, you have handled this situation horrifically, and blaming alcohol is no excuse.

However I think it is indicative of something.

You flirt with the girl for weeks on end, yet don't remember/bother to find her name. After said weeks on end, you then insult the girl with your audacity.

Bottom line here is, all names business aside, you're just not that into this girl.... if you were you would have taken to the time to find out her name long before this, if you were at all bothered you wouldn't have let the flirting continue for weeks on end, you'd have made a move quicksharp.

In short, you and this girl isn't meant to happen. Subconsciously you clearly do not want it to. Perhaps you both have had a lucky escape.

Move on.

petethebrick

manukahoney wrote: »

speaking as somebody who is woeful with names, you have handled this situation horrifically, and blaming alcohol is no excuse.

However I think it is indicative of something.

You flirt with the girl for weeks on end, yet don't remember/bother to find her name. After said weeks on end, you then insult the girl with your audacity.

Bottom line here is, all names business aside, you're just not that into this girl.... if you were you would have taken to the time to find out her name long before this, if you were at all bothered you wouldn't have let the flirting continue for weeks on end, you'd have made a move quicksharp.

In short, you and this girl isn't meant to happen. Subconsciously you clearly do not want it to. Perhaps you both have had a lucky escape.

Move on.

Jeez man -relax the cacks!!!
They've done a bit of flirting a few times in the pub probably while both drinking away. In my opinion the chick overreacted by just walking off....

Rowley Birkin QC

You should have asked her to put her phone number into your mobile, then you have her number and her name, result.

Rosita

I have to laugh at the "I'm sh*te with names" stuff from people.

People remember names that matter..........their spouse, their kids, their teacher, their doctor, their solicitor, their bank manager, their publican, the latest 'Man Yoo' signing.

The names people don't remember are by definition the ones that don't matter. Nobody is intrinically "sh*te with names"; they just aren't interested.

That is the message this lady got loud and clear.

cantdecide

Rosita wrote: »

I have to laugh at the "I'm sh*te with names" stuff from people.

People remember names that matter..........their spouse, their kids, their teacher, their doctor, their solicitor, their bank manager, their publican, the latest 'Man Yoo' signing.

The names people don't remember are by definition the ones that don't matter. Nobody is intrinically "sh*te with names"; they just aren't interested.

That is the message this lady got loud and clear.

That's not fair, Rosemary.

I fumble over the names of my dearest friends and yet I can recite most of their phone numbers and can quote the chassis number of my car. I totally feel for the OP. When I rent a DVD, I have to very deliberately make a point of consciously remembering character names.

Wibbs

Rosita wrote: »

I have to laugh at the "I'm sh*te with names" stuff from people.

People remember names that matter..........their spouse, their kids, their teacher, their doctor, their solicitor, their bank manager, their publican, the latest 'Man Yoo' signing.

The names people don't remember are by definition the ones that don't matter. Nobody is intrinically "sh*te with names"; they just aren't interested.

That is the message this lady got loud and clear.

I have to agree with cantdecide on this one. I would be the same. I have friends that I love dearly that I know for longer than most here have been alive and I regularly mix up their names. Regularly. Running joke time.

I accept that others work differently to me and would not take offence if they remembered my name or not tbh. Their actions towards me mean more. I realise it would be important to others and I do make the effort, but sometimes...

Just because I act or respond a certain way does not mean the world does or the person in front of me does, so I give and would expect some leeway.

Clearly he was interested, but I do agree he could have gotten her name by a different route. I've had two occasions that spring to mind where I was in that woman's position and I laughed it off. I figured they were a bit scatty(like me) and they must have been interested to take it further. I did not take a strop. What would be the point? It's hardly a blow to me as a person.

So in answer to the OP; yes you were a bit daft in the way you went about it and yes she got over sensitive about it, but that's her prerogative.

Maybe if you do see her again, try and make a joke of it at your expense. If she doesn't see the funny side well then that's that.





As for the list, I frankly don't care if I forget my bank managers name(couldn't tell you tbh) so long as he remembers mine. If I knew my publicans I would lay down and seek professional help.:D

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

I have to agree with cantdecide on this one. I would be the same. I have friends that I love dearly that I know for longer than most here have been alive and I regularly mix up their names. Regularly. Running joke time.

I accept that others work differently to me and would not take offence if they remembered my name or not tbh. Their actions towards me mean more. I realise it would be important to others and I do make the effort, but sometimes...

Just because I act or respond a certain way does not mean the world does or the person in front of me does, so I give and would expect some leeway.

Clearly he was interested, but I do agree he could have gotten her name by a different route. I've had two occasions that spring to mind where I was in that woman's position and I laughed it off. I figured they were a bit scatty(like me) and they must have been interested to take it further. I did not take a strop. What would be the point? It's hardly a blow to me as a person.

So in answer to the OP; yes you were a bit daft in the way you went about it and yes she got over sensitive about it, but that's her prerogative.

Maybe if you do see her again, try and make a joke of it at your expense. If she doesn't see the funny side well then that's that.

Thanks for the advice, sounds about right, at the end of the day if she cant see the funny side of it overall then I wont be overly bothered tbh. And yes its a good idea that I make sure im taking the piss out of myself not her if it does come up.

As for using the drink as an excuse, Im not using the drink as an excuse for not knowing her name, im just saying that if I wasnt drunk I probably wouldnt have justified in my head to just ask her her name straight out. I would have been ALOT more subtle about it.

@petethebrick ,that post had me knots laughing, sounds like one disaster after another lol

tommmy1979

I can't get over the responses that this thread is getting... very hostile.. just because he forgot her name doesn't mean that he doesn't like her or consider her important... with me, names go in one ear and straight out the other and almost exactly the same thing has happened to me on more than one occasion.. tad embarrasing but you get over it.

Blazer

messedupunreg wrote: »

Hi, sorry I know this isnt a big personal issue compare to most things here.
But Im just wondering what women here would think if a guy you were flirting with for weeks on end in the same pub asked your name when you presumed he should have known it?

Basically Im bumping into this same girl and were flirting back and forth for weeks on end, she knows my name and Im pretty sure she told me hers. She had to have because it was at the tip of my tongue all the time. Anyway I let this situation drag on and on.
So I met her last again last week and she walked up to me smiling,but this time I was admittedly quite drunk. And I just said "I have to ask, whats your name?"(cringe) And she just told me her name and walked away. She genuinely looked quite unimpressed. At the time I was thinking that I was just being honest by asking her straight out,but maybe I should have done it in a more roundabout way.

Now Im thinking to myself, if shes gonna be like that forget it, but Im just wondering did she overreact or was it a bit stupid on my behalf.

Rule 1..never ever ask them their names if you're supposed to know it. Ask one of their friends or get one of your friends to ask her to introduce herself. Make sure you're chatting to someone else so she doesn't look to you for introductions, but you can still overhear.
Remember I used to meet this stunner every week in a nightclub..without fail she'd call over to me and chat away for ages with me..of course I was langers and never could remember her name.
One night I asked her what her name was (I was sober ) and she blew a fuse. Tried to explain that I was crap with names but no dice. She was highly insulted that after talking to me for so long I didn't know her name..truth be told I could never remember meeting her anyway i was so drunk

Carrigart Exile

messedupunreg wrote: »

Hi, sorry I know this isnt a big personal issue compare to most things here.
But Im just wondering what women here would think if a guy you were flirting with for weeks on end in the same pub asked your name when you presumed he should have known it?

Basically Im bumping into this same girl and were flirting back and forth for weeks on end, she knows my name and Im pretty sure she told me hers. She had to have because it was at the tip of my tongue all the time. Anyway I let this situation drag on and on.
So I met her last again last week and she walked up to me smiling,but this time I was admittedly quite drunk. And I just said "I have to ask, whats your name?"(cringe) And she just told me her name and walked away. She genuinely looked quite unimpressed. At the time I was thinking that I was just being honest by asking her straight out,but maybe I should have done it in a more roundabout way.

Now Im thinking to myself, if shes gonna be like that forget it, but Im just wondering did she overreact or was it a bit stupid on my behalf.

It couldn't be because you were quite drunk she walked away

Plek Trum

You should do as I have done on occasion:

Me: " Can I ask whats your name again..?"

Other: "Err... you mean you don't know? Its xxx"

Me: " Yes, I know that but whats your surname? I was talking to a friend about you and he/she thinks he/she may know you..."

Works like a gem and shows in a subtle way you were thinking about them

Rosita

The 'crap with names' thing is grand if the object of your affections - in your very first conversation - has 20 minutes to spare so that you can tell them how you have so much on your mind that you get even your parents names mixed up.

In the real world, however, people will make their own judgements, and they are valid judgements within their own context.

Not knowing a name that you should/could reasonably be expected to know sends out a message and that message is "I really am not too bothered about you". It is all very fine being able to rationalise this apparent mental blanking to yourself on a discussion board but in practice when such fleeting judgements are made, and perception is reality, these excuses don't pass muster.

Wibbs

Rosita wrote: »

T
In the real world, however, people will make their own judgements, and they are valid judgements within their own context.

I agree.

Not knowing a name that you should/could reasonably be expected to know sends out a message and that message is "I really am not too bothered about you". It is all very fine being able to rationalise this apparent mental blanking to yourself on a discussion board but in practice when such fleeting judgements are made, and perception is reality, these excuses don't pass muster.

Oh I agree and there is also the degree where you may be expected to. In the OP's case a few drunken meetings wouldn't unduly upset me. If I had met them in a different circumstance and for longer I would wonder if they were too scatterbrained or just weren't interested in me as a person. Either no biggy. If it's the former then it's a good muppet filter, if the latter well that's not my problem. For me I work on the let it go principle. It's really no big deal to me if someone forgets my name. I don't feel any the lesser for it.

SpookyDoll

if shes gonna be like that forget it

Yep, I'd have to agree, I think she did overreact. I would worry she would be a "primadonna" type and you sound more down to earth, I cant see you two being compatable, actually she was quite rude storming off in a sulk just because you didn't remember her name right away.

I not only forget names but entire people especially if I see them out of context or with a few drinks on. Its very, very embarassing and for someone to react so rudely is cruel.

If you did it out of badness I could understand it, but you didnt. There was no call for her to storm off. Its not like you forgot she existed. You knew who she was just not her name, big so what.

It doesn't mean you dont like her or forgot any of your previous conversations etc.

The Corinthian

She's annoyed because not remembering her name is a sign that she's not unique or special in your eyes. Women logically know that at the start of any potential relationship, the connection between the parties is very loose and casual, but they never seem to think that it applies to the start of their relationships - those are 'different'.

As for solutions, one can use a pet name, be it "sweetie" or "petal", although unless it ties in with the rest of your dynamic it can very easily come across as condensing or even creepy.

One, sometimes risky, ploy is to ask them if they know your name. You'd be surprised how often they don't know either, and this tends to break the ice on the issue.

A better option though, as with the surname ploy mentioned a few posts up, is to find out indirectly, for example:

You: "So what do they call you back home?"
Her: "Well, Mary obviously."
You: "Oh, I meant a nickname."

And finally another option is to call her voice mail, as she may say it there. To call this directly just add a '5' in front of the main number after the mobile prefix.

SpookyDoll

She's annoyed because not remembering her name is a sign that she's not unique or special in your eyes.

Huh? Well she's not unique or special, YET -her thinking a casual pub flirtation is some big deal is a bit vain ....no?

Anyway, forgetting people is not personal or emotional, its neurological, end of. Attaching meaning to it is just pure overthinking it!

People need to stop being so up themselves and self important in this world.

And finally another option is to call her voice mail, as she may say it there. To call this directly just add a '5' in front of the main number after the mobile prefix.

If you do this use #31# to hide your number!!!!

The Corinthian

SpookyDoll wrote: »

Huh? Well she's not unique or special, YET -her thinking a casual pub flirtation is some big deal is a bit vain ....no?

Sure it is, but it's very commonplace - comes from the childish belief that relationships are always romantic and special.

If you do this use #31# to hide your number!!!!

If you dial direct into voice mail as I suggested, you bypass ringing the phone altogether, so it's not necessary to hide your number - just remember to hang up before the beep!

Rosita

The Corinthian wrote: »

And finally another option is to call her voice mail, as she may say it there. To call this directly just add a '5' in front of the main number after the mobile prefix.

The only difficulty with this is that if you don't know her name in the first place, finding out her extension might be tricky, unless of course the person is sitting across from her in which case he could have asked a mutual acquaintance the name far more easily than the need for such 'cleverness'. Plus there is also the problem of remembering the extension number as some people are also 'crap with telephone numbers'.

seamus

The Corinthian wrote: »

Sure it is, but it's very commonplace - comes from the childish belief that relationships are always romantic and special.

Depends on your definition of "special". It is possible to think that a new relationship is "special" even if you're aware that it's not particularly unique. It's a debate for another time, but there's a fair argument to say that most relationships are unique in their own way. Uniqueness is no indicator of longevity though.

I doubt it's quite so embedded in fantasy as you suggest. Meeting someone for the nth time and having them not remember your name/ask your name basically gives the indication that the other person is so disinterested in you that they can barely even remember interacting with you. Yes, it's to do with ego, but also to do with respect, in my eyes.

If you dial direct into voice mail as I suggested, you bypass ringing the phone altogether, so it's not necessary to hide your number - just remember to hang up before the beep!

If you do this to a vodafone voicemail, the person will get an SMS from your number saying, "You missed one call from me".

You'll never make a good stalker if you don't keep up Corinth

SpookyDoll

seamus wrote: »

Meeting someone for the nth time and having them not remember your name/ask your name basically gives the indication that the other person is so disinterested in you that they can barely even remember interacting with you. Yes, it's to do with ego, but also to do with respect, in my eyes.

Aww but it doesn't mean that at all, thats what Im telling you. There is no point the girl reading into things and taking offence when there was none intended at all !!!

It simply means his brain mis-fired a few nuerons and came up blank, thats all, and he was drunk which makes it even more difficult! Fair enough, he could have hid it better, I do agree there, but still her stomping off just shows a complete sense of humour failure!

The Corinthian

Rosita wrote: »

The only difficulty with this is that if you don't know her name in the first place, finding out her extension might be tricky, unless of course the person is sitting across from her in which case he could have asked a mutual acquaintance the name far more easily than the need for such 'cleverness'.

I meant her mobile voice mail - the "after the mobile prefix" should have been a clue. It's not unusual that you'll get a mobile number (straight into your own mobile) from a woman in such situations.

seamus wrote: »

Depends on your definition of "special". It is possible to think that a new relationship is "special" even if you're aware that it's not particularly unique. It's a debate for another time, but there's a fair argument to say that most relationships are unique in their own way. Uniqueness is no indicator of longevity though.

I never suggested it was supposed to make logical sense, only that it happens and is not that unusual.

I doubt it's quite so embedded in fantasy as you suggest. Meeting someone for the nth time and having them not remember your name/ask your name basically gives the indication that the other person is so disinterested in you that they can barely even remember interacting with you. Yes, it's to do with ego, but also to do with respect, in my eyes.

It's probably more to do with social reasons. After meeting someone more than once or twice it becomes increasingly difficult to ask them what their name is. By the nth time it's embarrassing. However, outside of such extreme, if not uncommon, circumstances the attitude I described does exist.

If you do this to a vodafone voicemail, the person will get an SMS from your number saying, "You missed one call from me".

That's new.

You'll never make a good stalker if you don't keep up Corinth

I hope so.

seamus

SpookyDoll wrote: »

It simply means his brain mis-fired a few nuerons and came up blank, thats all, and he was drunk which makes it even more difficult!

I know this well, and I know the difference between "drawing a blank" - being aware that you've temporarily just forgotten some information - and realising that you completely, absolutely just do not have the information in your brain, no matter how long you search for it.

I gathered from the OP that the latter is what happened to him. If it was the former, then it's just bad luck that his drunken mind made him ask instead of holding off for 2 minutes until it came back to him. Regardless of what happened, it looks the same to her - like he just plain forgot her name.

SpookyDoll

^^Yeh, when you split it all down like that, I do get ya.

Regardless of what happened, it looks the same to her - like he just plain forgot her name.

I know, but is that really so dreadfully bad? Such a major crime?

Rosita

SpookyDoll wrote: »

I know, but is that really so dreadfully bad? Such a major crime?

No, it's definitely below rape and murder in the pecking order, but in the circumstances in whcih it happened it might mean the difference between the OP getting it together with the girl or not. Not a major crime but perhaps a little price to be paid nevertheless.

St Bill

messedupunreg wrote: »

So I met her last again last week and she walked up to me smiling,but this time I was admittedly quite drunk. And I just said "I have to ask, whats your name?"(cringe) And she just told me her name and walked away. She genuinely looked quite unimpressed.

Maybe she thought you'd no interest in her, and to make matters worse, thought you were taking the piss out of her! And maybe she honestly thought you didn't know who she was and was so embarrassed that she had gone up to talk to someone who didn't know her! These could all be alternative reasons why she appeared unimpressed.
Look at it from her point of view op.....you see a girl in the pub every week that you get on with. The girl in question seems nice, everything's going well. Then one week you walk up to this girl that you get on sooo well with and she drunkenly asks you 'What's your name?'. In fairness, OP, how would you feel?

If this girl is nice, think about apologising to her the next time you see her. Don't assume just yet that she's on her high horse or that she's too demanding. You'll know for sure if she is too demanding by the way she reacts to your apology (if you apologise that is!)

Flamed Diving

I have a great trick for this problem. If you are chatting to a person whose name you really ought to know, wait for said person to excuse themselves to the bathroom and while they are gone arrange for one of your mates to come over for a natter with the aim of introducing the tounge-in-cheek remark: 'God, my friend has no manners, my name is 'xxxx', whats yours?'. At which point you go: 'Oh sorry, I'm away with the birds, etc'. It aint perfect, but its better than the alternative.

asdasd

She wasnt impressed when I asked her name

Maybe, she wasnt impressed when you slurred, "whassh shyour nnamme, schagain" after 40 pints of stout?

PGstudent

asdasd wrote: »

Maybe, she wasnt impressed when you slurred, "whassh shyour nnamme, schagain" after 40 pints of stout?

If you were able to slur anything after 40 pints of stout it would be more than impressive