Flatmate's girlfriend stay over

AMY78

Hi
i am the landlady of the apartment. When my tenant visited the apartment he asked me if his girlfriend who was living abroad could come and visit some week ends. I said ok as it would be from time to time so I decided he would be my tenant
I started renting the room on 1st November for the first 2 weeks all was fine
Then on 22th november he brough a local girl to the apartement (not his girlfriend that he talked to me about) and the next day he said it was his new girlfriend
Sincethen she has been in the flat a lot
She stayed to the apartment 5 days in a row and on the 5th occasion I asked my tenants if she had moved in he said no
She overheard the discussion, the next day he would not talk to me so I started the conversation and he told me she took it badly that I though she was there a lot and he told me that She does not use the kitchen or does not sit down on the sofa. I found the answer cheacky and did not say anything
the situation changed from a girl abroad who would come from time to time to a girl who is there 3 to 4 times a week and this is not what i accepted at the begining and he brought her without even telling me he would bring her to the flat. and me when i have a friend coming to watch a dvd i let him know
So I told him she could come from time to time preferably the week end as I work in the week is this reasonable ?
So since then on 21 days, she came 13 times on the 13 times she slept over 10 times.
They are always in his bedroom which is near mine so when they talk, laugh etc.. I can hear it all and when they come back at 3.35 in the morning of a week day too
I just don’t know what to do
I feel it is a bit too much and this is not what I had accepted at the beginning
This week they went out on Sunday eve so not in the flat but came back at 3.35 Monday morning so awoke me, then she was in his bedroom on Monday and then yesterday
Can anyone tell me if this is too much cos I feel a bit weird and in a way they are always in the bedroom so I don’t really see them but can hear them, and I rent to 1 person not 2
On 1 occasion he did let her alone in the apartment in the day and I told him that was not ok he said he would not do it again but I have no way of checking as I work in day time. I know this cos she told me she stayed in the apartment when he was at work
He is nice but I don’t feel comfortable that he brings his girlfriend 3 or 4 times a week in week days.
What should I do? is 3 to 4 nights a week too much cos i feel it is as i have to get up early to work as he is self employed he works when he wants

Mr. Incognito

well, let him know that either she starts paying rent and paying in for bills or she limits it to one.two nights a week.

4/5 days is living there imo.

AMY78

Well he does not see it this way as for him as she does not use the kitchen or the sofa and as she stays in his room she can come
and it is only 3 or 4 nights a week in the week time
at the moment i am writting every time she came in the flat or slept over and i will tell him on that many days she came that many days or it changes or you take the door. cos it is not the first time i tell him
but you see she is living with her parents so basically the apartment came a place to crash down. i feel bad cos he is lovely though and i really like him as a tenant but every week 3 nights i feel it is too much no?
and as this week they went out on sunday eve and were not there but came back at 3.35 am monday to sleep i am sure that for him it does not count as if she was in the apartment.

SpookyDoll

Call him aside and say its not what you both agreed at the start, give him a choice, either he goes back to the original idea (a girlfriend that stays the odd weekend, say once a month/six weeks) or else its time for him to move on.

Be prepared that he might not understand and accuse you of being jealous :rolleyes: etc but dont let that phase you....you are being way over-reasonable with him so far and the more you are letting him walk on you the more of a stranger in your own home you will be.

Look this is YOUR gaff, your rules, run it as you like and apologise or explain to no-one. If he doesn't like it well then he knows where the door is.

AMY78

i told him a few times already but no change and he really feels he is in the right as she does not use the kitchen or living room it was his words.
i though if i had all days she came and face him with it before i go on holidays and tell him if that does not change he will leave would be a good idea no ?. i stated in my add no couples.
i have shared with plenty people before and none of them brought their girlfriend every week 3 times a week it was from time to time in week end. his excuse was that he works at night in week end. though most friday he finishes at 10 pm so he always brings her in the week time and not in week end oh except for every sunday which i dont consider as week end as the next morning of course work.
they even eat take aways in the bedroom

unhappycamper

Sound like he is taking advantage, maybe just say it's not working out and you want your place back. and cut all the bullsh**

zAbbo

That's not on, and I know some people won't understand it until they've experienced it.

It's your home, not a halfway house, so some mutual respect is needed.

If I'm having someone over, or my flat mate is, we drop each other a text or a heads up before having someone over - that's just common courtesy.

It doesn't matter if they're using the kitchen/bathroom/couch etc. - It's completely unfair having a stay over 3-4 times a week.

Take him aside, and don't be apologetic - explain that you had an agreement, which has now clearly changed, lay out what is and isn't acceptable, or you will turf him out.

He's treating you like a walkover at the moment...

Lab_Mouse

Amy,are you for real?Perhaps put up an add in nunnery or a that priest college in maynooth if you want a celibrate person(perhaps try a nunnery or cloister that also has a vow of silence and you will be sorted).She stayed 10 days out of 21...3 w/ends and 1 day during each week..and as you said she doesn't be outside the room so wheres the problem?

And as for having to listen to them talk and laugh you could always ask them to whisper.

It is your appartment,your rules but tbh I would tell you to go Sh!te,your not my mother and as for you looking for extra money cos she stays over 3 days a week just makes you look like a greedy landlord,

my 2 cent
Labmouse

SpookyDoll

he really feels he is in the right

It doesn't matter what he feels, its not his house or his rules, its yours, so he doesn't get to decide whats acceptable or "right"

Thats your job.

I think he can see you are not rock solid and maybe a bit too nice and he is trying to manipulate you.

At the end of the day, you need to take back control, this is your house, your set the terms out. They are not elastic. He doesn't get to decide whats allowed, you do.

If he wont accept this and keeps trying to manipulate the situation send him on his way.

AMY78

I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR EXTRA MONEY AS THIS IS NOT THE POINT HERE.
i just want to be able to sleep in the week when i work! Is it too much to ask for????. if she was coming in week end i would not mind but it is not the case. my BF does not come every week or days. does not mean we dont see each other just mean i dont impose him to my tenant. i would like someone who has manners and will tell me if he will bring this person that evening. i always warn him when someone come even if only for 2 hours he never warns me, i am back from work and hey they arrive together at the flat
and if i had known he had a girlfriend coming 3 times a week i would have picked up an other tenant the reason why i picked him was that the girlfriend was abroad as per what he said when he visited the flat and that she would come from time to time in week end

Peewee_lane

It sounds to me like OP was looking for a friend when she took the tenant on and is jealous of the girlfriend. IMO

But, if 0P feels this isnt the case, just lay down the law and give him his notice. Its your place but you have to understand that he pays for that room and he can have friends over if he wants.

Reflector

Lab_Mouse wrote: »

r.
It is your appartment,your rules but tbh I would tell you to go Sh!te,your not my mother and as for you looking for extra money cos she stays over 3 days a week just makes you look like a greedy landlord,
Labmouse

Labmouse, well it seems that you need to go back to your mother and learn a bit of repect, if it was me I'd be rightly pissed off. He just moved in and he has some girl staying over all the time. I'd say just tell him it's not working out and kick him out. It's your place and you need to feel comfortable in your own home no matter what. If it was me he'd be gone. The only way this would be acceptable to me was if I was living with a good friend and I knew the partner well in question. Then at least it would be more relaxed.

AMY78

hey trust me my man is way more better looking thanks but no thanks no jalousy here she can have him. i prefer my man
the point is that since sunday the only evening she has not been here was on tuesday
i still live here or do i have to move out and let her move in?

Peewee_lane

AMY78 wrote: »

if i had known he had a girlfriend coming 3 times a week i would have picked up an other tenant the reason why i picked him was that the girlfriend was abroad as per what he said when he visited the flat and that she would come from time to time in week end

This is the real world Amy, people our age are going to have partners.

I had a landlord who was a friend of ours, actually best friends with my ex boyfirend. He insisted I move in with him, it would be great. He ended up being insanely anal and jealous telling me that I couldnt have his best friend over, and all we did was stay in the bed room and laugh, sleep or watch DVds.

So, I fear live in landlords like you, who become all parental and anal about things like this just because its your house. Put the shoe on the other foot, or maybe get over it, or maybe at the interview stage please please tell the potential tenant that you have a problem with anyone staying over more than 3 times a week.

AMY78

Thanks Reflector
well i used to have a guy who was my tenant before and everything went well
never one trouble too bad he had to go back in UK
the thing is that i constantly feel someone is in the flat he even let her alone in the flat when no one is there he i did it once already sorry but my stuffs are in the flat too and i dont know her at all
one more thing is the cleaning and emptying the bin
always me
so i am on strike to empty the bin now
it is 2 days it is full well he wont empty it
yesterday they ordered take away well all the bags and pizza box are now in the kitchen on the floor when they have left them
is this normal?

Peewee_lane

AMY78 wrote: »

i still live here or do i have to move out and let her move in?

No, not at all, Im confused, this is your house we're talking about isnt it?

My point is that you're the boss, so if you have a problem about the purple bananas they eat, unfourtunetly its your house, so you're rules and you need to communicate those rules/views to them before they eat you up!

AMY78

I had a landlord who was a friend of ours, actually best friends with my ex boyfirend. He insisted I move in with him, it would be great. He ended up being insanely anal and jealous telling me that I couldnt have his best friend over, and all we did was stay in the bed room and laugh, sleep or watch DVds.

So, I fear live in landlords like you, who become all parental and anal about things like this just because its your house. Put the shoe on the other foot, or maybe get over it, or maybe at the interview stage please please tell the potential tenant that you have a problem with anyone staying over more than 3 times a week.[/quote]


yes but that was not what he told me when he visited the flat ok otherwise i would not have picked him and obviously someone like you. my partner does not come at all at the moment since i have the tenant we go out not to be in his way but he does not mind imposing me his girlfriend 3 times a week or more as he does not have to get up in the morning to work it does not matter that they make noise and bang doors until 3 am
but when you cant fall back asleep and have a meeting at 8.30 the following morning i can tell you it is not easy and he never even was polite enough to say i have a new girlfriend i will bring her over. he just brought her without me knowing
i have lived with landlords before and always respected the fact they were in the house too and never done that to any landlord myself

tannytantans

OP, I really think you should have made it known from the beginning that you wouldn't be happy with him having someone staying over. It was always a possibility that his situation would change.

I used to pop over to my boyfriends house everyday - sometimes only for a quick hello, other times I'd stay for hours or overnight. But i think thats to be expected when people are in relationships and none of his housemates/ landlord ever said anything about it.

You should have a word with him though if you're unhappy. At the end of the day it's your house. Maybe chat with him first about the noise levels - see if they could be more considerate. If he doesn't change - give him notice to move out and when you advertise for your next tenant make it clear that you don't want them to bring partners over.

Lab_Mouse

@reflector..the OP asked for an opinion and she got it.If i was in her tenants position thats exactly what my reply would of been..

@the OP I think your over reacting.Some people have lives outside work hence the fact his GF is over during the week.Your giving out that you can hear them talk and laugh for god sake!

But like I said it IS your appartment your rules but please be aware that whatever tenant you get in they will at some stage have a BF/GF,they will stay over during the week,they will talk and make noise.

cooperla

Time to accept the loses and ask him to leave.

If you've talked to him about it a couple times already and nothing has changed then you've done what's required of you.

It's your place and you have the right to be comfortable within it. And there's no reason to feel bad about that.

vandermeyde

Ask him to leave and don't get a tenant. You're coming across a bit OTT so maybe the landlord/tenant relationship is just not suited to you. Just my 2c worth.

Reflector

AMy
Well for me I don't need it to be known, when you are sharing with people it's about compromise. He moved in as a stranger and before you could get to know him he had another stranger in on top of you. It's normal to feel left out. It would really get on my nerves if someone was in their room all the time with a partner. I think you might be ok with it if you knew him and then her better. But in my experience this starts a wedge in between the two of you that will be hard to mend. you rented the room out to him not a couple if he wants that he should get a place for himself and his girlfriend. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. talk to him and tell him weekends and try and keep it to one night during the week.
hope it works out.

mikemac

AMY78 wrote: »

one more thing is the cleaning and emptying the bin
always me
so i am on strike to empty the bin now
it is 2 days it is full well he wont empty it

On strike, sounds very childish. You shouldn't have to do it all the time but you are just letting a problem esculate and it'll be worse in a few days. TALK to your tenants and enough of this strike.

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

4/5 days is living there imo.

Gotta agree there. It's a bit much but 3 days per week sounds ok to me, weekends are even better .

AMY78 wrote: »

They are always in his bedroom which is near mine so when they talk, laugh etc.. I can hear it all and when they come back at 3.35 in the morning of a week day too

It's a long post, you've some valid points and some where you are overreacting. And you can't realy give out to some for talking and laughing in their room. And people do come back in the early hours, sure you do it too when you're out with your bf. You haven't posted that but you do.

Some people aren't suited to sharing. I know when I buy a house (and it's getting more affordable by the day ), I ain't taking in a lodger, had enough of sharing houses.
And maybe you are too.

Peewee_lane

AMY78 wrote: »

i would not have picked him and obviously someone like you.

I think you are what people like me call, a nark, a square and a little out there, so please when you're not 'picking' people like me for you're next tenant, let them know how anal you can be about absolutely everything

AMY78 wrote: »

my partner does not come at all at the moment since i have the tenant

Weird! Your place and your boyfriend doesnt even pop over? Weird or what.

AMY78 wrote: »

i have lived with landlords before and always respected the fact they were in the house too and never done that to any landlord myself

Believe it or not, me too, but you are airing your views on a message board and not to the tenant, so I think you should do it this weekend and move on.

Get a housemate you can communicate clearly to about bins, etc. Make rules and let flatmates know of them prior to signing leases.

Good luck, I hope your personal issue is resolved soon.

AMY78

sorry i am jsut catching up on all posts
i will answer to some of your comments
my boyfriend does not come over as at the begining i did not want my tenant to feel ill at ease, then as his girlfriend is here most days it would be weird to be the 4 of us in the flat a bit crapped to be honest so now my boyfriend does not come we meet elsewhere as i don't feel ok with his girlfriend coming at anytime without any warning
as i never know when he will bring his lady then i can not invite my boyfriend around it would be just to weird to be 2 couples in the flat sorry
and too clostrophobic
first when he moved in he knew he could have people over from time to time in week end this was the agreement. from that it went to 3 or 4 or 5 times in week days which was not what was agreed
from a grilfriend who was abroad coming in week ends 1 or twice a month it changed for a local girl who is here a lot.
it is like you cant breath i am sorry
this week sunday she slept over, monday was here and slept over and yesterday was here at 5.35 with him and slept over
i dont mind they chat or laugh but not until 3 am in a week day in week end i dont mind at all week days i have problem with that
already told him no change
Cleaning common area and kitchen always me so aint doing it no more sound childish when i say i am on strike maybe but i am not a maid and i am not paid to clean after him am i?
i don't think i am overeacting
my previous tenant was lovely his girlfriend came but he always warned me oh she will come this week end and i was fine as at least he told me which is having manners
this guy always bring her and never tell me anything and i told him he should warn me as i do warn him when someone comes to see me but apparently i have manner he does not
as reflector said it is common courtesy
i am the landlady and when my friend comes to watch a dvd i let him know in advance
he brought her this week 3 evenings already without telling me
is it normal?
what if i have something plan a meal with friends ??
i dont think i am overeacting i never had a problem like that with previous flatmate
and the situation changed from girlfriend who would come once or twice a month as living abroad he is now having a local girl who is here a lot, i would not have taken him as tenant if i had knew that before chosing him instead of someone else
i think that when you share an apartment or house you should respect the other and if situation change let the other one know
which was never done in this case
on 21 days she did not come to the flat 8 days only is this normal?
it is all abvout compromise and i feel i compromise a lot as i do all the cleaning, my BF not coming, my monday course not taking place at my home anymore, i tip toe when i know he sleeps in the morning but when i say something i'd like to change i get the answer yes yes but nothing change
so what should i do? and dont get me wrong he is a nice person very nice but i just feel that he is bringing her too much and not respecting the fact i work in the week and get up early
and i took badly he did let her a whole day in the apartment alone and she was not uncomfortable at all to tell me she had been here alone all day. now he said he would not do it anymore but i can not check as i am not there in the day to see and if she had not told me i would not have known. do you think this is normal?

tannytantans

With regards to not cleaning up maybe next time you see him you could just say 'would you mind taking out the bin it's prett full'. If you ask him regularly to do these things he'll probably realise that he should be doing it without needing to be asked.

Also he might not realise that you want warning before he brings the gf over. If he considers the place home he mightn't think to ask. I often bring people over to my place (as do my housemates) and we don't tell eachother. Maybe he did this in the last place he lived and just expects it to be the same with you?

As to you inviting friends over for dinner- what difference would it make if he and the gf were there?Especially if they usually stay in the room.

You definitely need to have a chat with him to lay out the rules of the house but tbh i think you could find it difficult finding a tenant who shares the same views as you. It sounds as though he hasn't taken you seriously before - tell him things need to change or you'll have to consider a new tenant. Explain what bothers you. The gf probably shouldn't have stayed in your house alone but maybe your tenant didn't realise how strongly you'd feel about it.

Peewee_lane

Its really hard to read your posts because you dont punctuate.

You're freaking out because hes not playing by your rules You said he "never tells you anything". Thats terrible. He rents a bloody room from you. Your not his bloody keeper.

Look tell him you are raising his rent because you have kept record of all the times he has had her over and you are either not having it (evict him) or simply raising his rent.

AMY78

raising the rent is not the solution at all to be honest

well for the dinner yes it makes a difference that they are here or not
if he can have some evenings with his girlfriend witout me having anybody around then i should be able to have nights where his girlfirend is not here to have friends over unfortunately i never know when she will come plus they do not do only chatting in the bedroom i can t even picture having friends for a meal and hear moaning noises during the meal if you know what i mean

not that i am his keeper far from it but i have a right to know who comes and go from the flat in order to be able to do things too and at the moment i cant as i never know
then i should not tell him either when people come to see me which he would not appreciate

do you find the frequency of her stay not long on 21 days she did not put her feet in the apartment 8 days on 21 days which mean she came all the other days

AMY78

and the trick for the bin i have already tried that a few times aint working
only works when i ask and i am not his mum i should not even have to tell him to empty the bin
so i just dont empty it this week as i have done it already 2 this week

Arathorn

This is just my opinion, 3 times a week isn't too much especially when they keep to his room. Any house share i've been in this is the way it goes.

But it is your house, kick him out f you like but remeber its not as easy to get a new tenant anymore due to the choice available and most people avoid owner occupiers.

No matter who you rent to will likely have friends/partner over a few times a week, I think you need to relax, remember he's paying good money to live there

AMY78

the week is not over yet that is the point
on 21 days she did not come 8 only so all the other days she was here
and i feel 13 days on 21 is a bit too much that is 5 times the 1st week and if i had not said anything on the 6 night she would have stayed she only left cos she heard me talking to him

so i should let him bring his girlfriend as many times as he wants in the flat? without warning me of when someone is coming?

i want to feel home too and at the moment it is like constantly having a guest over
1 day break since sunday? would you like it

i would like things to get better but i dont know how to talk to him as i dont want to make him feel she is not welcome
she is welcome but from time to time

Curlypinkie

well OP, there is only two solutions if you don't like who you've reneted the room to.
Either live there on your own or get a new tenant/flatmate in.
Or you can move somewhere else as well, I'm not really sure if you own the place or renting it, you never clarified it.

I live on my own beacuse I hate the hassle of having someone in my space too much. I think I'd be the same as you if I had to live with someone. Live on your own. It's great!

easyontheeye

is he renting a room or a house share...if its the latter hes perfectly entitled to have her over when he wants. hence why id never houseshare with an owner occupier...its a nightmare

AMY78

well it is my apartment i bought it 2 years ago
but i feel we are 3 living here instead of 2
and they never go to her place as she lives with her parents
so why should it be at my flat all the time?
should i put up with that?

easyontheeye

AMY78 wrote: »

well it is my apartment i bought it 2 years ago
but i feel we are 3 living here instead of 2
and they never go to her place as she lives with her parents
so why should it be at my flat all the time?
should i put up with that?

again are you renting a room or is it an apartment share? it his home...he has to have a life. you cant dictate when and when not he can bring his girlfriend over. i share with two people and they can bring their other halves over when ever they like providing they clean up after themselves...maybe you should live alone or just get single tenants in.

Volvagia

As a land lord and tennant you both have rights.

go to threshold.ie to read in more detail.

Regarding visitors the laws says;

You are entitled to have friends to stay over on an occasional basis but you need the landlord's permission if a new person is to move in.

Similarly if you do decide to end his tenancy you have to give him sufficent notice depending on how long he has been there.

Personally, as someone who lived in a sharing flat with my gf staying over frequently, and not have my gf living in a sharing house where i stay over I believe that despite the high frequency once the visitor doesn't act like its her place then its fine. If she stays in his room i dont see the problem. Perhaps ask them to be quieter in future but no need to go mad.

AMY78

am renting a room in a flat with use of common areas
i am not saying she can not come at all
i am saying from time to time
i am not imposing anybody on him so i expect the same, especially in week days
week end i dont mind
the deal at the begining from what he asked me, was from time to time in week end
this has changed without him even telling me
though i dont see why it should always be at the flat
well then i am renting to a couple and not to one person if she is here a lot
no?
this is exactly why i entered no couple in the flat not to be 3 all the time

Bricriu

You shouldn't even have to ask if this person's behaviour is okay. Get rid of him now; he's exploiting your generosity and patience. Next time, state the ground rules clearly.

To those respondents who say that you are over the top and that the guy is renting a room from you, don't pay any heed to them; he's not just renting a room; he's sharing a (confined!) living space with you -- and he's selfish and self-centred.

Burial

Look, you've been given the advice from people and it hasn't changed. Accept it or get rid of him.

My advice is every weekend and a week day is fine. Your allowed by law, I think, 2 nights a week if he's renting a room. If this is your only problem with this tenant, I'd say accept it and sort out the talking loudly in his room. Say to him 4 nights a week is too much. 3 is the limit. Any more then that and she pays rent for the week. As for not having friends over, you can. They stay in his room. They don't occupy the sitting room/your room or any other area. Your able to have friends over and your bf over. Stop exaggerating the situation. I know loads of landlords who'd have your tenant as a tenant.

AMY78

Thanks Bricriu and Vovalgia
though how do you quantify what is occasional and what is frequent
as i feel this is now frequent and not occasionnal
if i ask him to leave how do i process do i let him know that on that many days she was there that many and it is not acceptable?
i know i can have my BF i just dont feel comfortable having 2 couples in the flat as it would feel clostrophobic
i would myself feel weird

tannytantans

Well why don't you just invite your boyfriend/other friends over whenever yoy feel like it??There really is nothing stopping you. Your oh might even get on with your tenant and ye could all have a laugh. You said his gf is a lovely girl so why not make more of an effort to get to know her and become friends.Sometimes i think my bf only comes over to my place to play the playstation or watch football with my housemates!!

Sharing a house with someone doesn't mean you should change your behaviour OP - if you'd normally have people over don't let having a tenant stop you - it's your house!

If you don't want to go down that path then you really will have to evict him if you're so unhappy. But like others have said it won't be eay to find a new tenant.

AMY78

oh i am very friendly with them and them with me
that is not the problem at all they are nice very nice this is why i don't know what to do
they are very nice and helpful
but i feel she is there a lot
and when she stayed in the flat alone i did not appreciate this at all
i will be away 10 days and i dont want her to have moved in when i will be back
and if i did not say anything she would be here every evening
she does not have her own place so this is why she comes a lot which is not why i agreed with him to start with

i just feel when she is there it is better if i dont have people over as otherwise it would disturb them
but maybe i should

what was agreed was occasionally

Burial

As I read from here:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/housing/renting-a-home/sharing-accommodation-with-your-landlord

The tenant has literally no rights because he is sharing with you, the landlord. However anything you agreed upon entering the house written or oral, if you agreed that he could have someone over, for what length of time. That is the agreement. If he is in breach you can either make an agreement with him, or take him to small claims court or turf him out. They ARE your only options.

dumbyearbook

Volvagia wrote: »

As a land lord and tennant you both have rights.

go to threshold.ie to read in more detail.

Regarding visitors the laws says;

You are entitled to have friends to stay over on an occasional basis but you need the landlord's permission if a new person is to move in.

Similarly if you do decide to end his tenancy you have to give him sufficent notice depending on how long he has been there.

Personally, as someone who lived in a sharing flat with my gf staying over frequently, and not have my gf living in a sharing house where i stay over I believe that despite the high frequency once the visitor doesn't act like its her place then its fine. If she stays in his room i dont see the problem. Perhaps ask them to be quieter in future but no need to go mad.

No need for threshold or anything like it this guy is a lodger not a tenant - the law gives him very little rights, give him reasonable notice (OP you can decide whats reasonable as its you thats uncomforatble in your own home) a week is loads (get what ever money he owes before this and have his depoist ready to return to him first) and tell him to leave.

He has'nt a leg to stand on and you're totally within your rights as you own the house. Harsh but fair. For the next rent be prepared and outline what you expect leave nothing to chance.

In the current climate its more difficult to find tenants but do what you have to do this guy is a mess you thought the gf thing would be every now and again and it never happened (situations do change but he was'nt al all honest). Not to mention the bins etc. it all adds up - id say living with a similar minded girl might suit you better?

Best of luck op.

AMY78

thanks for the site
well the agreement was that his girlfriend who was living abroad could come from time to time certain week end once or twice a month
that is what he asked me on the day he visited and i said yes
when he dumped her and found that new gf he never asked me anything at all
he just brought her 6 days in a row and on the 6th day i asked him if she had moved in as a joke
but what i told him is that she could come occasionnally
so how do you quantity occasionnally as for me it probably does not mean the same than for him?

dumbyearbook

AMY78 wrote: »

thanks for the site
well the agreement was that his girlfriend who was living abroad could come from time to time certain week end once or twice a month
that is what he asked me on the day he visited and i said yes
when he dumped her and found that new gf he never asked me anything at all
he just brought her 6 days in a row and on the 6th day i asked him if she had moved in as a joke
but what i told him is that she could come occasionnally
so how do you quantity occasionnally as for me it probably does not mean the same than for him?

You dont need to worry about any of that stuff Amy you can just ask him to leave. He has literally no right to be there if you dont want him there.

AMY78

well it is not him i dont want over it is the girlfriend nearly every evening that i do not want to see
i don't want to through him out and put him in the **** either as he s nice
but i would like him to understand that he gets up at 10 or 11 in the week i get up early so i would like quiet week to relax after i work and not having 2 people in the flat does that make sense
though i told him and nothing changed so am a bit concerned
my neighbourg rents as well and she told me that if i let it happen withouth saying anything they will take advantage of the situation and when i will return from holidays she will be here all the time
if i say something it quiets down for 2 days then he does it again and she is not bothered to be there all time either
she feels like home at the flat

AMY78

what if in a week time the day before i go on holiday i have a chat with him again telling him that she has stayed over that many days in the week time and that it is too much
and if i tell him i give him one more month trial but if nothing change he will have to leave by february
does that sound harsh?
i don't like hurting people

carlrac

Anyone ever watch Spaced?

dumbyearbook

Ah look this will go on and on give him his notice and advertsie your room again just be organised before they move in.

You're not hurting him its just not working out, it wont change it does nt really suit him there either so he'll be happy enough to go in the end. It's not like your breaking up with the guy!

AMY78

no i know
but it is never nice when you ask someone to leave
or if you put yourself in his shoes never nice to be asked to leave
he likes living here so i feel bad cos i dont feel well at home and i feel bad cos i have to ask him to leave
it is mixed feelings