Read her texts

LegacyUser

Met my GF 4 months ago, happiest I have ever been in my life, all round perfect girl. Just back from holidays. One night there she went to bed early and I stayed up drinking, quite drunk and bored I decided to text friends at home and ran out of credit. I took her phone to continue texting and came across her message inbox (wrong I know) and discovered some in detail texts of a sexual nature including what this guy would like to do to her when he sees her, I know he has already been with her because he has also mentioned a tattoo in an intimate place. Don't know how to tackle this because I shouldn't have touched her phone but am so devastated not sure of the best course of action. Thanks in advance.

Overheal

Well, looking at the phone is a complete breach of trust, firstly. DO NOT DO IT AGAIN, even to follow up on questions posed in this thread.

Now, you've been with her for 4 months. You dont know that this guy isnt just after her to get her back or something. You dont know that shes playing into it. Basically, you don't know ****.

My brother made the same mistake, went off on a tangent with this girl he loved. It transpired that he had picked up the entirely wrong phone. And then he had the stupidity to look at her actual phone a couple days later. End of that relationship.

Best course of action? Forget about it. She's with you now.

LolaLuv

Overheal wrote: »

Well, looking at the phone is a complete breach of trust, firstly. DO NOT DO IT AGAIN, even to follow up on questions posed in this thread.

Now, you've been with her for 4 months. You dont know that this guy isnt just after her to get her back or something. You dont know that shes playing into it. Basically, you don't know ****.

My brother made the same mistake, went off on a tangent with this girl he loved. It transpired that he had picked up the entirely wrong phone. And then he had the stupidity to look at her actual phone a couple days later. End of that relationship.

Best course of action? Forget about it. She's with you now.

I respectfully disagree. OP was wrong to read her texts, but he can't ignore what he found.

OP, is it possible the sex between them took place before you got together? Did it seem that she was encouraging the sexual discussion? Best thing to do, imo, would be to come clean with her. Yes, you'll look like an ass for violating her privacy, but it's better than having to wonder about this.

LegacyUser

I know I was very wrong for looking, there was plenty of texts there so she must have been replying positively to them. I feel the only way now is to tell her what I have seen, its killing me because I know that will finish it. I feel sad and disillusioned at that thought because I still am mad about her even after this.

Curvy Vixen

Are you positive that they were recent messages? 4 months isn't so long to have older kept messages in your mobile inbox...

LegacyUser

They were texts sent that day and the couple of days before describing what he'd ''do right now'', at the time receiving texts she was right with me having what I thought was a lovely time.

kmart6

It would be very surprising if someone had messages from 4 months ago in their inbox!

I'd say confront her about it...no point having it on your mind,will only eat away at you, worst that will happen is you'll lose someone who is cheating on you, best is it'll turn out to be nothing!

Flex

Man thats lousy.

It was wrong to read her texts, but I honestly dont think you can let something like that (the nature of the texts) just go without any explanation or anything. Maybe bring it up by telling her that you had used her phone to text your friend and saw the message and want to know whats going on. Best of luck

brendansmith

kmart6 wrote: »

best is it'll turn out to be nothing!

And she will go insane because you read her texts.

My advice would be forget it, chill out and monitor the situation.
Dont get paranoid and just keep an eye on her. If a month down the line you notice shes 'meeting friends' more often than she should beat around the bush and try and see if anything gets revealed.

Girls like their privacy and i think she will kill you if you start demanding explanations.

cantdecide

In other words, if you really want an answer, you have to be prepared to lose her no matter what the reason....

FunkZ

A follow up report from post number five please!

But if I were in your situation I'd dump her, it'd be hard but it'll save your head being wrecked even further.

Graham_B18C

It'd be impossible to forget about it, my girlfriend looks at my phone all the time just bein nosey and i never mind her doing so, if you've nothing to hidr then what would be the problem.

Confront her, if its a misunderstsanding, just say sorry, it might turn bad but it might not. I never look at my girlfriends phone but if i did, she certainly woundn't finish with me, or be annoyed for that matter

Chinafoot

Did you see any sent messages from her to this fella? Maybe this is a guy she was with before you got together who wants to be with her again. You don't know that she was responding to him so I wouldn't be too quick to jump on the "dump her" bandwagon just yet.

Also, knowing about her tattoo doesn't mean she's had sex with him before. You'll probably find that lots of people with tattoos aren't shy about telling people about them. He could have been on the scene when she had it done.

Ask her about it. Apologise profusely for looking through her phone and expect to take a bit of slack for doing it. Don't let it fester and don't just dump her without knowing the real situation.

Wibbs

tommmy1979 only helpful, actually helpful posts and advice are welcome and or useful around these parts. Mwahhahahah doesn't really cut it. Please read the charter. Cheers

[Jackass]

What a tramp! No offence OP.

But you should confront her. Maybe there is SOME kind of plausable explenation, but more than likely she's fu*king around behind your back (even if it is just texting and no action imo).

I'd say count your blessings that you haven't been with her a couple of years and find something like this out! If that's the way she goes on then you're better off without her - no matter how difficult it is in the short term.

nomorebadtown

[Jackass] wrote: »

Maybe there is SOME kind of plausable explenation

me arse. op your woman is screwing around. dump her.

m83

dump this skank and dump her fast.

Nothingcompares

next time she leaves her phone unattended change the number of this rogue guy to one of your mate's number and then text her from that phone something like "do you want to meet up". judge her on the response.

obviously, doing this type of sneaky juvenile crap is a bad sign but ...

LegacyUser

You need to find out the truth, if he's just harassing her or she's into it too. What you did was wrong but you have to keep going now! If you don't find out the truth you'll be tormented and it can't end well.

The_B_Man

well you found the messages innocently enough. you ran out of credit so used hers. Its not like you purposely went snooping.

Of course, when she finds out you were looking in her phone, she'll get angry...mainly coz she was caught red handed! IF she had nothing to hide, she'd probably volunteer the use of her phone. Like if she was sitting beside you and u ran out of credit, im sure she'd let you use it, so why is it different just cause she was in the other room!

Main thing here though is that she doesnt see you as a long term boyfriend. Shes keeping her options open. And if she is cheating, then shes jsut using you as the safe stable backup, and having all the fun with this other bloke.

Curvy Vixen

kmart6 wrote: »

It would be very surprising if someone had messages from 4 months ago in their inbox!

No it wouldn't! People keep texts for all sorts of lengths of time! That's what 'keep' means.

You have a few choices OP.

1) You confront her, tell her you were looking in her phone (don't bother with the excuse/reason as to why cos she won't want to hear it) and you ask what's going on.

2) You ignore it and let it go (though I sense that this isn't really an option for you).

3) You finish it with her.

I think that if the texts are recent as you say, then you gotta decide if it's worth holding on to this relationship and if you can trust her again, and also if she can trust you!

Wagon

Ask her. May as well. You found the messages innocently enough and the more pissed off she is in her reaction then she's got something to hide. If she's sleeping around behind your back then it's best you find out now rather than a year down the line.

Rosita

PillyPen wrote: »

I respectfully disagree. OP was wrong to read her texts, but he can't ignore what he found.

Well said. It's amazing how people get all bolshie about relatively small things and see a potentially much bigger breach of trust as something and nothing as if there is a exact moral equivalence between them.

Presumably the message details if chekced will give the date of the message and the OP can take it from there.

But the idea that a potential affair can be ignored merely because the method by which it was happened upon was not ideal is ridiculous.

Of course the OP will inevitably get the 'how dare you?' treatment but if the evidence is strong he must determinedly remember that this is beside the point.

I wouldn't have read the texts in the first place, however, simply going into the sent items would have confirmed whether or not she was encouraging it.
You have no choice but to confront her, otherwise every time she gets a text you'll be wondering who it's from. Personally, I think it sounds like she's playing away but who knows.

Queencake

Just explain you sent a txt from her phone and you came across the messages. Be very calm when you ask her otherwise she'll fly off the handle.

It does sound bad though. Best of luck.

John Mason

did she respond to these text messages?

cos you cant stop people sending you text message.

you want to see the flith my ex texts me, saying what he would like to do to me, i never respond to him but they would still be in my inbox for a day or two, i am crap at deleting messages.

you should just ask her what the story is

chickenhawk

Ya just tell her what you told us. People are saying that you should forget about it but in my experience text messages like this are an indication that something more is up.

Confront her and be more than ready to dump her.

claireeney

my BF read my text messages once and found a message which he took completely the wrong way. a row ensued where i had to try convince him nothing was happening. nothing was going on and because i had nothing to hide things were fine. i was so worried about losing him it didnt occur to me that he was snooping through my phone. if she really loves you she should be able to prove it. i am not saying its your right as a BF to look through her phone but when you are together all the time it's bound to happen. you know her better than anyone on this so you should be able to predict her reaction. good luck

JJJJNR

+1 on the dumping.. just leave and dont tell her why.. If she asks why just say "you know why" and leave it at that.. Fair play for finding out, you knew something was up. Count it lucky you found out now and not in 6 - 7 years time.

The fact that she is reponding eh, while you were out having a nice day says it all about this girl.

View Profile

I don't see why people get so arsey about reading/seeing their other half's text messages.

Its not a secret diary. I couldn't care less if my GF read my text messages.

There shouldn't be such a big taboo about it in my opinion. Your in a relationship so you shouldn't be hiding anything anyway.

Re OP: Just explain to her what you did and saw and take it from there. She may have a very good explanation.

Goodluck!

unhappycamper

From my own experience and this is just one opinion but I will throw it out there anyway.

When you meet someone and start dating each-other, 4 months is plenty of time to clear the x partners and horny male's from writing you sleazy texts out of your life. OP, your girlfriend has not taken that step has she?


If you asked your partner have any guys been texting you she might just say no.

Be wise OP, is this a tell tale sign that you are clearly visualizing in black and white or is it a sign you would rather ignore and pretend everything is perfect? You deserve an explanation.

My last relationship started with a very similar beginning and ended just as it started, with lies.

Be careful Op...

Were the texts replied to? If so then P45. Don't even hesitate. She was with you when talking to him about it? That's just plain wrong.

TripleAce

Sc**** her privacy!

Cheating > Invading Privacy IMO

Confront her, and if necessary dump her. So she'll learn.

TripleAce

Nothingcompares wrote: »

next time she leaves her phone unattended change the number of this rogue guy to one of your mate's number and then text her from that phone something like "do you want to meet up". judge her on the response.

obviously, doing this type of sneaky juvenile crap is a bad sign but ...

You are a genius.

The only inconvenient may be if the other guy text her first! Then she would realise that something is up.....nice plan though!

Tigger

nothingcompares yer very clever

op do that and tell us how you get on

Queencake

Don't do that! Yes it sounds cool and dammit I'd love to be a fly on the wall but it will be you who will come out as the baddie. You'll get a reputation as being terribly sneaky. Stories like that get around. Girls will think you won't trust them and will try to set traps for them!

Just confront her.

Snowie

Op

There's a lot of ide's of what you should do and what you should'nt.
Some of them cop outs some of them imature and just some plain dumb.

My personall responce to this would be.

First I'd tell her that you'd looked at her text's while i was on hoilday and say it was wrong of me and i regret that. blah blah blah butter her up get her into a position where she's about to flip....

then id say but i read this text from so and so saying what he would like to do to you. Are we in a releationship or not ?



you really have'nt done anything that bad, and i dont think you have to really fret morally.... and of course she'l eather be straight out with it or wezel around the answer and tell, you that what you did was out of order.

and avoid th subject to which i get up and wlk away, if she can't be straight with you whats the point being with her at all... ?

partyguinness

Well if this guy is sending these texts..she must be encouraging it in some way.

You need an explanation otherwise it will eat you up.

Tigger

Queencake wrote: »

Don't do that! Yes it sounds cool and dammit I'd love to be a fly on the wall but it will be you who will come out as the baddie. You'll get a reputation as being terribly sneaky. Stories like that get around. Girls will think you won't trust them and will try to set traps for them!

Just confront her.

don' get caught

Queencake

She'll still want an explanation as to why you're breaking up with her. Also she's not dumb she'll realise that the number was changed.

DON'T DO THE PLAN.

It will only make you look bad too. Just confront her. You'll be able to tell if she's lying.

Irlbo

Dump her my friend,this woman is obviously a sexual promiscious(I could use a certain word but wont),get rid of her,get yourself a loyal,good natured girlfriend

Aurora Borealis

My thoughts on your situation primarily to save unwanted head wreck and insecurity in the future is not to look at her phone again unless that's something you both openly do. I've done it too, out of plain curiosity and won't ever again because I do believe it is an invasion of privacy and not something that one should need to do if in a trusting relationship. My head was wrecked for a long long time afterwards about some questionable texts I saw but didn't bring up for some time afterwards.Ultimately my advice would be to just bring it up with her. I see little point in not doing so, as in my own experience you don't just forget about things like that and it's best not left fester so whether it is a sackable offence in her eyes or not, you can't give the relationship your all if you're holding something back.Regarding the tattos etc, it's 100% possible that his knowledge of their location etc could be completely innocent. I do think, however, as someone else already said that four months into a relationship it is odd that such texts would be on her phone. I know I have always put interested parties straight on my current relationship status when I have been involved with someone. Doesn't seem right in my head not to for anyone concerned but obviously that is something that varies form person to person.Talk to her.

LegacyUser

Even if she is not screwing him, texting those texts whilst with you is an immediate dealbreaker.

Why havent you not started a thread saying ; I have just broken up with my deceitful girlfriend and I am now lonely type of thing?. Get rid of her, build up the auld confidence! with a healthy amount of self confidence you would have broached the subject already and gotten rid of her.

Take care

IRISH RAIL

man I hate when these type of threads come around cause I know in a few days the op will be on here saying you were right she was shagging some guy etc and now theyve split up
op Im sorry but get put of her she will probably try and justify it or twist it but come on no one sends these kind of texts for nothing some people are just assholes
it always brings me back to an ex of mine who was one such cheating asshole

not yet

It all depends on how you want to play it........

You could go with the changing the number plan, good fun but ends in tears.

Dump her after explaining what you found, take no bullsh1t,no excuses,no it's not what it looks like.

Or you could live with it.

to be honest number2 is your only option.

TripleAce

Any update from OP? I guess by now some action has been taken?

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for the responses, it has helped. We had it out Tuesday night, Ive been drinking since then to try not feel, fond out she is seeing a cop when shes not with me, I feel like such a fool, for liking her so much, I adored her and felt so happy around her. Ive lost all faith in women, clearly my judgement is way off the mark, I always think people are great and then get reality shoved down my throat.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, I said all I had to say to her on Tuesday night, found thet she has been sleeping with this other guy when ever I get wrapped up with work, its gonna take me quite a while to get my head around this, probably was too good to be true anyway.

Victor

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CianRyan

Aww no way man, thats really sh!t.
Drinking is not the thing to do, to get over it though, what you want to do, is get out with your mates and have a laugh.

Last time i had a hard break up, m mates where great for me.
Wouldnt let me stay alone inside, got me out, and we jammed for hours(musicly) and hung out and talked, really helped me move on past the dark patch.
Drinking exsesivly will really only make it worse.

IRISH RAIL

hey op I know how you feel I found out my ex was sleeping with the accountant from her job and since weve split up ive met quite a few of her friends and found out she`d been round the block quite a bit while going out with me.
its going to be a bit ****ty for a while the only good thing here is you only went out a few months not years like me.
the drinking is a novelty that will wear thin after a few days. some wil say it doesnt help but sure youre back in the game now all ill say is enjoy yourself and dont overdo it. id prob delete her number to avoid late night texts when youre down, but if you can get a few friends to stay with you while youre out it will be better.
also dont forget to talk to someone about it im not suggesting a counsellor but a few mates (let them know you will be bitching about her for the next 3 days then leave it at that )
and as always the boardsies will be here for those moments of weakness when you need advice.

happy hunting a new decent honest trusting girl there are some out there:)