How soon to call

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

Just looking for general opinions here..I met a great guy on Saturday night and we spent the evening flirting and kissing. We swapped numbers and txted the next day. If I haven't heard from him by tonight do you think I sould write it off?

Thanks

seamus

No. Ring him yourself. That's how you'll find out if he's interested.

_blank_

seamus wrote: »

No. Ring him yourself. That's how you'll find out if he's interested.

Added bold for emphasis to the best advice you'll get on this thread.

Texting is for silly teenagers.

Unless you are a silly teenager, then just ring him.

If you like him that is. Do you like him? Would you like to see him again?

If the answers to those questions are "yes", why would you write it off if he hasn't contacted you?

The least you owe yourself is to chance your arm.

Relevant

So did he write back? Stop wasting your time posting on the iternet about it and ring him

Queencake

Yeah. I'd say give him a quick buzz and ask if he fancies the cinema, a drink on Friday etc.

If you were getting good signals from him via texts the last day then you might as well ask as you're interested!

If you choose to txt him to avoid possible embarassment then ah feck it, do so. Tbh I've had loads of dates that originated from txts. Ringing is more mature but it also implies a level of interest to SOME people that could "scare" them off. Daft, I know.

MIN2511

Text him?????

Sometimes i think ringing might be a bit forward......

My 2c

lilminx

Ring him...

and best of luck....

_blank_

MIN2511 wrote: »

Sometimes i think ringing might be a bit forward......

What?

Queencake

Des wrote: »

What?

Some people would think "Wow... She seems quite eager." Which isn't always the impression you'd like to give.

Mcfast

yeh id go with ringing.texting p!sses me off, a quick call to ask if he wants to meet up will tell you whether hes interested or not

_blank_

Queencake wrote: »

Some people would think "Wow... She seems quite eager." Which isn't always the impression you'd like to give.

She seems to be eager.

If he isn't, at least she'll know, instead of asking random strangers on the internet if she should "write it off".

How the hell do we know, she should just phone and ask him.

How can a phone call be considered "forward"?

Now, if she turned up at his job with a bunch of flowersm asking for him to leave work and go for a coffee, that would be forward.

And weird.

_blank_

Hey Guys,

Just looking for general opinions here..I met a great girl on Saturday night and we spent the evening flirting and kissing. We swapped numbers and txted the next day. If I haven't heard from her by tonight do you think I sould write it off?

Thanks

*************

What's the difference here?

Curlypinkie

Yes Des, ringing is a bit too forward and girls shouldn't engage in it.
Honestly. This is from my experience.

Even texting first is a big no-no. Altho I'd rather text after say 2 days and then at least I know if he doesn't text back that he wasn't that interested at all. After that kissing and flirting.
Dating. Is. A. Nightmare.

I've given it up.

You know OP, don't. I know it itches in those fingers to drop him a text or call him. But if he doesn't pick up the phone or text back it's that little bit harder.*

_blank_

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Yes Des, ringing is a bit too forward and girls shouldn't engage in it.
Honestly. This is from my experience.

Even texting first is a big no-no. Altho I'd rather text after say 2 days and then at least I know if he doesn't text back that he wasn't that interested at all. After that kissing and flirting.
Dating. Is. A. Nightmare.

I've given it up.

You know OP, don't. I know it itches in those fingers to drop him a text or call him. But if he doesn't pick up the phone or text back it's that little bit harder.*

:eek::eek:

Don't take this advice

Curlypinkie

Des wrote: »

Hey Guys,

Just looking for general opinions here..I met a great girl on Saturday night and we spent the evening flirting and kissing. We swapped numbers and txted the next day. If I haven't heard from her by tonight do you think I sould write it off?

Thanks

*************

What's the difference here?

The difference is (and I can only apply it to my own experience) that the guys like taking the firt step after the date. It's some feckin unwritten rule.
10/10 if I have been in touch 2 or 3 days after a date no 2nd date has happened.
10/10 if the guys have contacted me first there was a 2nd date.
Yes, there are lies and there are statistics but for me it's a foolproof litmus test.

Monkey61

Call him. Life's too short to be messing around with childish game playing.

Queencake

Mcfast wrote: »

yeh id go with ringing.texting p!sses me off, a quick call to ask if he wants to meet up will tell you whether hes interested or not

Des wrote: »

She seems to be eager.

If he isn't, at least she'll know, instead of asking random strangers on the internet if she should "write it off".

How the hell do we know, she should just phone and ask him.

How can a phone call be considered "forward"?

Now, if she turned up at his job with a bunch of flowersm asking for him to leave work and go for a coffee, that would be forward.

And weird.

She may think she's met the man of her dreams but come across as looking too eager and it's about as much of a turnon as a puppy. Cute but can be a lil off putting if you consider the consequence ie. poopies on the floor.

I'm just saying she should only make the call if she's comfortable ringing him and will be confident no matter whether he agrees or declines. Otherwise she'll come across poorly and she's be better off txting that's all...

Ringing overall is better so long as you can handle it!

_blank_

Curlypinkie wrote: »

It's some feckin unwritten rule.

There are no rules.

None.

Curlypinkie wrote: »

10/10 if I have been in touch 2 or 3 days after a date no 2nd date has happened.
10/10 if the guys have contacted me first there was a 2nd date.
Yes, there are lies and there are statistics but for me it's a foolproof litmus test.

Hmmm

you have been dating weirdos, imo.

Curlypinkie

Des wrote: »

:eek::eek:

Don't take this advice

Why not? It's as good as any. Sure if she does and he's interested in her, they will met again. And if he txts her next week (WHY do guys wait so long, it's ridiculous!!!!) he could be interested.

Either he is or he isn't interested. End of.
I'm just suggesting to the OP an easier way out. Practically and emotionally.

lilminx

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Yes Des, ringing is a bit too forward and girls shouldn't engage in it.
Honestly. This is from my experience.

Even texting first is a big no-no. Altho I'd rather text after say 2 days and then at least I know if he doesn't text back that he wasn't that interested at all. After that kissing and flirting.
Dating. Is. A. Nightmare.

I've given it up.

You know OP, don't. I know it itches in those fingers to drop him a text or call him. But if he doesn't pick up the phone or text back it's that little bit harder.*

oh for goodness sake - sure the poor fella could be sitting thinking the exact same thing - if I ring her will it be too forward - what if she doesn't answer... yada yada yada.. And what's this girls should stay clear of making phonecalls business!?


OP my advice is just go for it... give him a quick friendly call and ask if he'd like to do something at the weekend - if he's not interested he'll say so.

Now here's the thing..

If he doesn't answer - he might be busy, driving, on the bus and not hear it ring etc.. don't over react

If he says he's got plans but would like to do something another time.. suggest another time - if he's busy then too.. tell him you understand - short notice but to give you a call at the weekend to make plans...

If he doesn't call - then forget him.. But give the poor bloke a chance.

And don't be doing the RULES business as suggested above - I think we'd be all better off if we just asked someone out if we're interested and not take it as the end of the world if they're not.

I stayed in far too many weekends cos I was too pitiful to pick up the phone and call a guy I liked.. Suck it up.. deep breath and give it a go.. and best of luck hun...

seamus

I'm just going to elaborate on this a little for the OP's benefit.

For men, not contacting someone, even a best friend, during the working week is perfectly acceptable. It doesn't mean that we're annoyed with you or going off you, it just means that we're not in the mood to talk to someone during the week; we just want to wallow and watch TV. It happens.

With this in mind, meeting someone on a Saturday, texting them on a Sunday and then doing nothing until you text them again on Friday, seems like a perfectly acceptable and perfectly fine thing to do.
That is of course, if you don't know about the Game. Most men don't know about the Game. We find out about the Game when we keep losing the Game and someone tells us about the Game and tells us the rules.
Then we can play the Game. We still lose, but we can get past the first level.

My suggestion is basically to forget about playing the Game and just ring him. It'll easier and quicker and more fun for you.

_blank_

Curlypinkie wrote: »

(WHY do guys wait so long, it's ridiculous!!!!)

Yes.

Every man is the exact same.

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Either he is or he isn't interested. End of.

I agree.

But why shouldn't she find out for herself?

Instead of waiting for him to make the first move.

This is what this is about.

Curlypinkie wrote: »

I'm just suggesting to the OP an easier way out. Practically and emotionally.

Way out of what?

She wants a way in, as far as I can tell

lilminx

Des wrote: »

Way out of what?

She wants a way in, as far as I can tell

What Des said... lol

Queencake

In my experience if a fella is keen he won't put off calling/txting you for a week.

Then again I'm only 21... But partically everytime I've been asked out on a first date it's been done by txt and email. Bar once when I got with a guy in a club and as he walked me home he asked me to go on a date with him 2 days later. Granted it was better I was asked face-to-face and not via txt as I knew he must be keen and not just bored but hey, if you're too shy screw it.

Relevant

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Yes Des, ringing is a bit too forward and girls shouldn't engage in it.
Honestly. This is from my experience.

Even texting first is a big no-no. Altho I'd rather text after say 2 days and then at least I know if he doesn't text back that he wasn't that interested at all. After that kissing and flirting.
Dating. Is. A. Nightmare.

I've given it up.

You know OP, don't. I know it itches in those fingers to drop him a text or call him. But if he doesn't pick up the phone or text back it's that little bit harder.*

Ugh are you serious? Why is it up to the guy?

Zulu

Do you like playing emotional mind games?
Do you want to engage in playing emotional mind games with this man?

If your answer is yes to either of these, I've little intrest in offering you an opinion. Curlypinkie can help you out.

If your answer is no to both of the above questions, cop on; grow up, and ring him.
You can only loose if you don't contact him.

Why is this so hard to see???

Curlypinkie

Des wrote: »

Way out of what?

She wants a way in, as far as I can tell

Sorry, I meant a way out of the situtation as in solution. Not sure if I came across right, english not being my first language.

And Des, yes you're right I have been dating weirdos. I don't do any RULES or GAME, apart from the (very loose imo) rules I've set for myself. If there is someone doing some silly rules or a very subconscious game it's the men I have been dating or socialising with.

They seem to think that if a girl is calling or texting the guy first after meeting them, that means she's too eager. If she sleeps with the fella on the 3rd date - she's too eager.
If she mentions children in a conversation on their first date, she's a clock ticking.
If she mentions a friend who got married/engaged on a first date she's a bridezilla in the making.
It's hard. There is a minefield that guys wouldn't be aware of AT ALL.
And yet, they do react to these things. It's almost you see in their face after having said any of the above. And that's it. There's your average irish fella gone with the sound effect of Roundrunner.

_blank_

Scenario #1

op : hi is that the guy from Saturday night?
guy : yeah, how's it going?
op : ah good, just wondering what you're up to on Saturday
guy : not much actually...
op : oh, was just wondering if you fancy doing XYZ at ABC Time
guy : yeah, sounds good, see you then

Scenario #2
op : hi is that the guy from Saturday night?
guy : yeah, how's it going?
op : ah good, just wondering what you're up to on Saturday
guy : not much actually...
op : oh, was just wondering if you fancy doing XYZ at ABC Time
guy : er...no actually, I'm watching a match with the lads tbh, but I'm free on XYZ Day

Scenario #3
op : hi is that the guy from Saturday night?
guy : yeah, how's it going?
op : ah good, just wondering what you're up to on Saturday
guy : not much actually...
op : oh, was just wondering if you fancy doing XYZ at ABC Time
guy : er...no actually, I'm er busy, see you round yeah

This is all that will happen

The world will not end.

Curlypinkie

Curlypinkie wrote: »

It's some feckin unwritten rule.

Good Grief! Where do people get this rubbish.


Here I'll make a new rule.
I'll post it as often as possible and see if it takes root.

Don't contact someone that gives you their number if you like them...Don't contact them untill theres a full moon in the casapia system.

Same validity.

Op-Have a laugh on the phone with yer man.You are either going to get on with him or not but lay your cards on the table.
No games.

Relevant

Curlypinkie wrote: »

(WHY do guys wait so long, it's ridiculous!!!!)

So this is ridiculous??

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Yes Des, ringing is a bit too forward and girls shouldn't engage in it.....

....Even texting first is a big no-no

But this isn't?

seamus

Curlypinkie wrote: »

If she mentions children in a conversation on their first date, she's a clock ticking.

If she mentions *her* children, such as, "When I have children" or, "One of my baby names is...", or "I'd like to live in a big farmhouse cos then my kids would have loads of space to play", then she's going to come across as a woman with an agenda.
But simply talking about a niece or a nephew or a friend's child will not turn a guy off. However, these subjects are intensely boring and talking about other people's children is likely to make you appear very dull

If she mentions a friend who got married/engaged on a first date she's a bridezilla in the making.

Same as above. You don't talk about *your* wedding, but talking about someone else's is acceptable. It is though, the height of tedium.

MojoMaker

Curlypinkie wrote: »

The difference is (and I can only apply it to my own experience) that the guys like taking the firt step after the date. It's some feckin unwritten rule.
10/10 if I have been in touch 2 or 3 days after a date no 2nd date has happened.
10/10 if the guys have contacted me first there was a 2nd date.
Yes, there are lies and there are statistics but for me it's a foolproof litmus test.

Don't worry cp, it all gets a bit easier when you finish school

Zulu

Curlypinkie wrote: »

And Des, yes you're right I have been dating weirdos. I don't do any RULES or GAME, apart from the (very loose imo) rules I've set for myself. If there is someone doing some silly rules or a very subconscious game it's the men I have been dating or socialising with.

People can only play games, if someone else engages with them.
Rule? Well they are totally self imposed, so you can't blame the men for them; that's you. That's all on you.

They seem to think that if a girl is calling or texting the guy first after meeting them, that means she's too eager.

No. You think, they think.

If she sleeps with the fella on the 3rd date - she's too eager.

No. You think, they think.

If she mentions children in a conversation on their first date, she's a clock ticking.

No. You think, they think.

If she mentions a friend who got married/engaged on a first date she's a bridezilla in the making.

No. You think, they think.

There is a minefield that guys wouldn't be aware of AT ALL.

How could guys be imposing rules they are not aware of? That's insane. YOU are creating these rules. Perhaps to excuse failed relationships - I dunno, but you are creating them, no one else. And, the sad thing is, you are making everything so much harder for yourself by trying to live by them.

And yet, they do react to these things. It's almost you see in their face after having said any of the above. And that's it. There's your average irish fella gone with the sound effect of Roundrunner.

Did you ever consider that this might be a good way to weed out those who aren't interested in anything other than a quick shag? :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Hey..OP here..

Well personnaly I prefe texting to calling as I'm not very good on the phone. I don't wanna come across too eager so I'm not gonna make the first move. I texted him on Sunday and he replied but I feel it's his trun now (immature as that admittedly sounds!). I'm 28 by the way but I haven't liked a guy in years so it's a bit daunting. Fingers crossed he'll text/call before the weekend! We got on great and he hit on me first so..I dunno...I'm just nervous, he's hot!!!!!!!!

LolaLuv

I agree with CurlyPinkie when she says that many guys are turned off by forward girls. As a very forward girl myself, I've learned to rationalize it this way: If a guy is turned off by me being forward after me initiating a call, it's only going to go downhill from there. Next he'll be turned off by my expressing too much interest in a date. Then he'll be turned off when, several weeks down the line, I ask him where he sees things going. In my opinion, and this is only MY opinion, a guy who's looking for a girl who isn't that into him is still into the game-playing bullshit that I simply haven't got time for.

Being forward is an excellent screening tool.

homerun_homer

Not read through all the posts but I think OP should text him whether she hears from him or not. If I was the guy in question and I gave out my number then I would be chuffed that she made first contact and it would make me feel more at ease.
Don't be worried about being too eager, that's only if you hound the person non stop. A casual text will do.

towel401

Queencake wrote: »

Yeah. I'd say give him a quick buzz and ask if he fancies the cinema, a drink on Friday etc.

If you were getting good signals from him via texts the last day then you might as well ask as you're interested!

If you choose to txt him to avoid possible embarassment then ah feck it, do so. Tbh I've had loads of dates that originated from txts. Ringing is more mature but it also implies a level of interest to SOME people that could "scare" them off. Daft, I know.

anything other than facebook/text/email scares people now. if you sent someone an actual letter they will be truly freaked out

Curlypinkie

God I love boards!
See if everyone was as happy and chirpy as yes guys behind the keyboards...
I am btw 30. I have been dating for yonks and been in a few long term relationships that would have ended anyway sooner or later. None of this matters.
What matters is what I can relate to TODAY and what is in my mind TODAY. I am not a professional psychologist. I can only give out advice out of my own point of view.

TBH, the rest of you guys' responses have cheered me up no end. That means I have been right all along, NOT engaging in any silly rules and thus been weeding out.

But I've recently been inclined towards the "rules" or whatever you want to call it that some of my friends have been trying for me to live by.
Because of me NOT using any rules has resulted in zilch so far.
So just as a refreshing alternative.

_blank_

waitfordate wrote: »

I'm not gonna make the first move.

Well then, your going to be left on the shelf.

waitfordate wrote: »

I texted him on Sunday and he replied but I feel it's his trun now (immature as that admittedly sounds!).

Not only does it sound immature, it IS immature.

waitfordate wrote: »

I'm 28 by the way but I haven't liked a guy in years so it's a bit daunting.

If you didn't like him, would you have rang him already?

waitfordate wrote: »

Fingers crossed he'll text/call before the weekend!

Fingers crossed you will

waitfordate wrote: »

We got on great and he hit on me first so..I dunno...I'm just nervous, he's hot!!!!!!!!

Ah, you fancy him.

LET HIM KNOW!!

Your screen name is "waitfordate".

You'll be waiting a lot longer unless you grow some metaphorical balls, take the bull by the horns, and at the very least text the guy.

Preferabley before some other girl who thinks he's hot comes along.

homerun_homer

towel401 wrote: »

anything other than facebook/text/email scares people now. if you sent someone an actual letter they will be truly freaked out

Romantic Ireland is truly dead and gone...

Curlypinkie

waitfordate wrote: »

Hey..OP here..

Well personnaly I prefe texting to calling as I'm not very good on the phone. I don't wanna come across too eager so I'm not gonna make the first move. I texted him on Sunday and he replied but I feel it's his trun now (immature as that admittedly sounds!). I'm 28 by the way but I haven't liked a guy in years so it's a bit daunting. Fingers crossed he'll text/call before the weekend! We got on great and he hit on me first so..I dunno...I'm just nervous, he's hot!!!!!!!!

Good on you OP.
Hope you guys have fun if you do decide to meet up again:)

Curlypinkie

homerun_homer wrote: »

Romantic Ireland is truly dead and gone...

Unfortunately so true:(

Carturo

Des wrote: »

:eek::eek:

Don't take this advice

Wrong.

Do take Curleypinkie's advice. It does seem too forward if a girl calls. If he's interested he'll text you back and then he'll call later. We don't need an explanation as to why things are like this, they just are!

homerun_homer

waitfordate wrote: »

Hey..OP here..

Well personnaly I prefe texting to calling as I'm not very good on the phone. I don't wanna come across too eager so I'm not gonna make the first move. I texted him on Sunday and he replied but I feel it's his trun now (immature as that admittedly sounds!). I'm 28 by the way but I haven't liked a guy in years so it's a bit daunting. Fingers crossed he'll text/call before the weekend! We got on great and he hit on me first so..I dunno...I'm just nervous, he's hot!!!!!!!!

Did he just reply with one text and that was it or was there a little chat and say goodnight? Now that it is midweek it would be reasonable for you or him to get in touch and ask if the other would like to meet for a drink or something. Good luck with him.

petethebrick

Text or call....it doesn't matter..if somelikes you they do, if not they don't etc
If I was eager to meet up with someone again after meeting them I'd call them.
Other times I can be more lethargic.
For example, I met a girl out in town last thursday and we hit it off, stayed at her place. We exchanged a few texts the next evening but that's been it since. I'm not gonna ring her and commit to meeting her this weekend as not sure what my plans are yet. It doesn't mean I don't like her...just keepin options open...Same for her I presume.

Relevant

Bitches be CRAZY!

Curlypinkie

Des wrote: »

You'll be waiting a lot longer unless you grow some metaphorical balls, take the bull by the horns, and at the very least text the guy.

Preferabley before some other girl who thinks he's hot comes along.

Ah I love this. I've been taking far too many bulls by their horns for the last couple of years (NO pun intended whatsoever!!!) and It. Just. Doesn't. Work.

Hell who knows. Maybe "the Rules" work... just teasing.

Beruthiel

Relevant wrote: »

Bitches be CRAZY!

Read this forums Charter.
B

Burial

Ok, what I'd like the world to be like, is if you like someone, you ask them out, none of that mind game crap. And if you have a bf/gf, don't give me your number. Asking for your number doesn't mean I want to be your friend. It means I like you.

However, thats NOT the real world. In my experience (in my twenty's) if you ring, more people get put off then if you text. The reason being is you can reply when/if you want and have no pressure to answer asap. I don't view it as teenagery as its a form of instant communication.

However, I find it quite annoying that the etiquette is for men to ask the girl on a date. It's the 21st Century. If woman won't ask me out, I won't ask them. (Unless I really like them)

So I think you should contact this guy if you like him, as soon as possible. I'd say by text, unless the guy is 35-40+. Where did I get that figure? Out of nowhere. It's just I can't imagine a 40 year-old being as keen as a 22 year old would be about texts.

homerun_homer

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Ah I love this. I've been taking far too many bulls by their horns for the last couple of years (NO pun intended whatsoever!!!) and It. Just. Doesn't. Work.

Hell who knows. Maybe "the Rules" work... just teasing.

I've found there is no right or wrong, just good luck and bad luck when it comes to seeing what happens with certain people. You can do everything right and get knocked back, and you can go about things the wrong way and it works. do what's comfortable and don't comform to what people think you should do.

Curlypinkie

Relevant wrote: »

Bitches be CRAZY!

QFT but so are Brothers!

And there is absolutely no inter-understanding between the sexes. Hence frustration on Boards.ie.
We should all be ghey TBH