Is it true if they hit once they will again?

LegacyUser

My partner and i had a row last night and it turned voilent. It involved a lot of pushing, shoving, twisting my arms throwing me to the ground and slapping my face but no punching. Except one small one when he tried to punch the bed beside my head and it grazed my cheek.

He also choked me twice. Drinking was involved and hes nornmally a happy drunk, he doesnt drink very often.

Hes under a lot of stress lately and says i have driven him over the edge. If he gets treatment i would try to save the relationship for the sake of my children *they were not home at the time*.

Is it possible its a once off? His mum said hes going to the doctor. I'm going myself with my injuries. He hasnt contacted me to see how i am or anything.

Cpaw

Ok You NEED to be well shot of this guy ASAP. A lepard never changes its spots. YES he will do it again, when they start, they won't stop.

IrishWhite

dont listen to his mother or anyone else do not continue with this relationship get rid of him NOW

he's blaming YOU for him hitting you. Get out. He'll do it again.

Edit: By the way, really hope you're ok

Zillah

It is possible he will never do it again. It doesn't matter though. The very idea of a woman staying in a relationship after her partner attacked her is absolutely baffling to me. How can you possibly do anything but get the hell away from him? A relationship is supposed to be something based on love, respect and happiness. I honestly don't understand people who take more than a second to realise that it is over.

~nop~

Yeah get away from him. If it's not you it could be the kids, don't think you staying with him would be of benefit to them.

taram

Unregistered wrote: »

He hasnt contacted me to see how i am or anything.

This is the worst part I think, he assulated you, then didn't care? Serious warning sign atop of being hit. I'd say get far away, no guarentee he won't do it next time, especially if he doesn't seem to even give a damn he did it this time!

Miap

Really think you need to leave. No one can say if he will do it again or not but regardless its not worth living in fear. You deserve better. Hope your ok!

little red

Unregistered wrote: »

He hasnt contacted me to see how i am or anything.

firstly i hope you are ok and any injuries are nothing serious. this quote really stuck out to me too. it sounds like things got incredibly violent and he isn't even concerned about how you are! i cannot understand how you could consider staying with a man who would treat you like this. he cannot blame you for his actions, neither can he blame drink or stress.

i understand you have children with this man but think of how this violence could affect your kids if it were to continue. for your own sake and your children's sake you need to get out of this relationship. the respect and trust you had for this man must surely be shattered after his actions

Brian Capture

My eldest sister is ten years older than me. She got married at 20 - which was almost 20 years ago. A few months after the wedding I called over and her husband stormed out. She had a faint mark on her face and said that he had hit her. They had been rowing about DIY and she had criticised some shelves he put up. He came back to the house about 15 minutes later and apologised profusely to her.

They stayed married and got on fine. One day last year he dropped dead of a heart attack. After the funeral we got talking and went back to that day. I asked her had he ever hit her since and she said 'No'.
She went to say that he often tormented himself and felt guilty about it - long after she had pushed it the back of her mind.

So - in this case - this person didn't hit again.

Lollipops23

i'm sorry, you're considering staying with a violent man "for the sake of the children"?shouldn't you be leaving him for the same reason?

SweetChilli

OP, I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you and I hope your injuries aren't too serious. The physical injuries will heal but you will never be able to rid yourself of the memory of what happened last night, you'll always have that doubt in your mind. And you'll always be worried of it happening again....

Stress and alcohol are definitely not excuses for his behaviour, there is NO excuse for anyone to act as he did. He slapped you, punched you and choked you - surely you can see how this type of behaviour is so wrong on so many levels. I know it's easy for me to say BUT you have to walk away......

Good luck.

dreamer_ire

Unregistered wrote: »

My partner and i had a row last night and it turned voilent. It involved a lot of pushing, shoving, twisting my arms throwing me to the ground and slapping my face but no punching. Except one small one when he tried to punch the bed beside my head and it grazed my cheek.

He also choked me twice. Drinking was involved and hes nornmally a happy drunk, he doesnt drink very often.

Hes under a lot of stress lately and says i have driven him over the edge. If he gets treatment i would try to save the relationship for the sake of my children *they were not home at the time*.

Is it possible its a once off? His mum said hes going to the doctor. I'm going myself with my injuries. He hasnt contacted me to see how i am or anything.

Ok, if in anger he pushed you or shoved you or slapped you maybe you could excuse it as a one off however he did all of this and more! This is highly unlikey to be a one off. One thing you have to ask yourself is in years to come if someone treated one of your kids like this what would you be saying to them? I have a sneaking suspicion that you would be helping them pack their bags... or rather pack his. For you safety and that of your children you must protect yourself now. If your OH goes off, gets help maybe you could consider it down the line but at the moment that's a long way off imo.

metrovelvet

I think if he leaves the house, goes into anger management, goes to a twelve step programme, and shows genuine remorse and an attempt to change, and you love this man and you think he is worth it, then you can give your husband a chance.

I believe people can and do change. They just have to want to.

Carrigart Exile

Cpaw wrote: »

Ok You NEED to be well shot of this guy ASAP. A lepard never changes its spots. YES he will do it again, when they start, they won't stop.

OP advice like this is nonsense. If this were the case then we might as well abandon rehabilitation. I am sorry your husband lost it; for my own information, were you hitting him as well?

Only you can decide what you want to do, if you believe it was a one off then when you do get back together make it clear than violence (by anyone in the relationship) is not acceptable.

Marcus.Aurelius

He may, he may not. His not enquiring about your current state seems to indicate that he does not feel sorry about it yet at least. From that point of view, he thinks he is justified in violence against you.

If that's the case, I'd think he was highly likely to do it again. Look after yourself first OP, then see what else you can do.

Carrigart Exile

House wrote: »

He may, he may not. His not enquiring about your current state seems to indicate that he does not feel sorry about it yet at least. From that point of view, he thinks he is justified in violence against you.

If that's the case, I'd think he was highly likely to do it again. Look after yourself first OP, then see what else you can do.

he's angry with himself and embarrassed.

metrovelvet

^ No it does not mean that. He may be too humiliated to face her. Or he doesnt care. Who knows? But you cant come to a conclusion with missing information.

OP- were you drunk also? Did you also hit?

[I was responding to house there]

Marcus.Aurelius

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

he's angry with himself and embarrassed.

Could be, but the seriousness of the act should have prompted at least a show of compassion as to her current state of mind.

There's no evidence of it as yet, which admittedly is a bad sign of things to come.

EDIT: I agree with the other posters, it's too early to tell, but we are limited anyway to the information presented.

spurious

As someone who was once involved with an abuser, I would say leave now. I wish I had left at the first sign.

cantdecide

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think if he leaves the house, goes into anger management, goes to a twelve step programme, and shows genuine remorse and an attempt to change, and you love this man and you think he is worth it, then you can give your husband a chance.

I believe people can and do change. They just have to want to.

Not all men who raise a hand to their wives/ partners end up dying alone, shunned by all of society. Suggesting it's an automatic leave-him-right-now offesnse will only pressurize the OP and it isn't a true reflection on the reality.

I have a friend who slapped his girlfriend after he found out that she had been a serial cheater. He has the best and most laid back nature of anyone I know. There may be a biological reason why he saw red and hit her. She had made a fool of him. He broke up with her straight away but I know he still cringes about it.

My point is that a great number of men can have their darkest nature come out for many reasons like being badly hurt, being imasculated or humiliated, being antagonized etc. Most males have been in a physical scuffle at some point in their lives- it's a primal urge. If the OPs husband became violent for no reason, trust me, I'd be singing a different tune but we haven't been that it was an unprovoked attack.

Trust me, I'm not trying to condone his behaviour on ANY level.

Overheal

Lollipops23 wrote: »

i'm sorry, you're considering staying with a violent man "for the sake of the children"?shouldn't you be leaving him for the same reason?

My dad once got so angry he kicked the kitchen door right out of its frame. Me and my brother were playing on the other side of the door. It would have only been a matter of time before there was some crossfire. Do not take that chance.

cooperguy

However angry or drunk I get I could never see myself doing what he did. It wasnt even one thing in the heat of the moment (which also isnt excusable obviously), there was choking, a slapping etc. etc. You cant live in a situation like that. What happens the next time you have a disagreement? Will you be able to voice your opinion or will you be wondering what happens if you do?

You now have to go to the doctor. What happens if he loses his temper with one of the children and you have to bring them to the doctor?

tbh

OP, one of the biggest components in any relationship is trust. There is no way to know for sure that this would never happen again, but your trust in your partner was established on the back of the assumption you made (as anyone would) that your partner was not the type of guy that would hit you. Well, it turns out, he is. So, you have to decide whether or not you can trust him never to do it again. Actions speak louder than words here - maybe his idea of "sorry" is to be proactive, to seek professional help for his anger issues and to demonstrate to you every day, that he accepts what he did was wrong and that he is a changed man. Or maybe his idea of "sorry" is saying sorry and not thinking about it until and unless it ever happens again.

He probably feels terrible about it now, but that's not enough. He needs to be shown that he simply cannot act like this and keep everything he holds dear. In my experience he could do one of two things with this guilt - he could either use it as a spur to improve his life, or he could blame you. And if he blames you, then chances are he will hit you again, and probably again, and probably the intervals between the incidents will become shorter and shorter. Maybe this will never happen again, or maybe it'll just become normal. What does your gut tell you?

In any case, I'm sorry to say, the life you had yesterday is over forever. You now have to make a decision, and the decision you make isn't just for you, it's for your kids, and possibly your husband as well. Making no decision is the same as telling your husband that if he feels stress, he will hit you and nothing will happen.

codeblack

hi OP, you have gone something traumatic and you have to remember that you are probably still in a state of shock and you should take a long time to think about what you want. I can only imagine how scared you must have felt while this was happening to you, and you should let your body and mind heal before making any decisions. Personally I dont think i could ever trust my bf again if he did this to me, the choking twice has me the most scared. You need to feel safe with the person you have a relationship with, and most importantly you need to know your children will be safe too.
Can you ever trust him again will be dependant on many factors.
Know now that nothing you did will ever justify how he reacted. ever.
Is he likely to hit again? .. well if he thinks he can blame you then yes i think he will, he is not taking responsibility for his actions and NO MATTER WHAT only he is responsible for his actions.
Is he willing to realise he has a problem and get help for it? If yes then maybe he wont, but who can tell for sure.

Aloysius Flyte

Op, I am so sorry that you had to go through sometthing like that.

What galls me most about the post is his inability to take responsibility for his actions, it was someone elses fault, ie you pushed him over the edge. That is pathetic.

Get out now, for the sake of your children and for your own safety. Imagine if your kids had been there. How that might scar them.

I hope you are ok and aren't suffering any lasting damage from that incident. Domestic violence is a very serious issue. There are people there to help you.

Overheal

He may very well be sorry and ashamed. My dad surely was, but he was still the same person 5 years later. Turned himself into AA 5 years after that. 15 years after the original incident, we have a functioning member of society in control of his temper and his drinking habit. Dont fool yourself thinking your husband will be able to change overnight, it takes serious time. Meanwhile, you need to protect yourself and your children.

[Jackass]

To play devils advocate here, I wont be very popular for the opinion and I don't know of anybody who was ever in an abusive relationship, BUT i'm not sure it's fair to say that if it happens once then that's it, he'll definitely do it again.

He may have gotten the shock of his life by what he has done. Some people get in trouble witht the law once, or some people might cheat once or get into other non-desirable situations once.

The key is some people learn from their mistakes, some don't.

If he is going for treatment and you have children together I don't see why an ATTEMPT to resolve this and salvage the relationship can't be made.

Talk to him, see what he has to say for himself, how he acts around you and what he says about what he did. See what he is willing to do about it (i.e. not drink again and / or to address his stress levels etc.)

One thing is for sure though, unless you can accept his apology, truly believe it was a once off incident and you can trust him again (I personaly don't know how the trust could ever be built up again - but I've never had any experience of the situation or of being in long term relationship with kids involved etc.) then you shouldn't stay with him.

In all likelyhood you should leave him, but not because you presume it will 100% happen again, but because it would be a pretty tall order to able to repair the damage that has now been done, but that doesn't mean you should at least look into the possability of being able to fix it.

FizzyBubbly

I think a man who is remorseful and disgusted with himself deserves a second chance, but a man who is not worried about you once he has calmed down is not deserving of a second chance. I have witnessed this before, and the worst thing is women who believe they drove the man to do it. Worse still is the man who will blame the woman to justify his act.

if you dont stand up to him, he may do it again.

pow wow

Leave. Best case scenario he doesn't do it again but you live your life fearful that he will, worst case scenario he does it again. Trust me. They don't change. Ever.

wolfpawnat

RUN run like the wind! Seriously can you say that your life is safe near this man. Not trying to say men are evil but think about it, you were blamed cause he was stressed out, what happens when he next feels like that, or heaven forbid something really pi##es him off! This is your life and safety you are thinking about.
If a man did that to me, regardless of my love for him, he would end up in a court room with the word defendant in front of his name on all pieces of paper! And as much as his mammy is trying to defend him, she's just as bad as him for not killing him for touching a woman

Cryos

Op He needs to get get help, i know the workplace is now a stressfull place due to the recession but for your and his own safety he needs to get some help its unnacceptable to do that in the home, it could only escalate outside of the household or even in without resolving the issue right away.

Best of luck!

Nevyn

Yes people can change but they have to want to, have the will to and then work at it and the first step is knowing and admitting that they crosses a line.

Once that line is crossed there is no going back.

It is possible with counseling and couples counseling for people to never abuse again but many relationships do not survive that process.

LolaLuv

spurious wrote: »

As someone who was once involved with an abuser, I would say leave now. I wish I had left at the first sign.

I agree with this. The worst part of staying in a relationship like that is getting your trust in yourself back.

The Sweeper

My first reaction would be don't you go anywhere - but throw him out. Tell him to pack a bag and get the hell out of the house. He possibly gets to come back when he's spoken to his doctor, addressed his issues and had at least two counselling sessions (by which time it may come to light that it isn't a good idea that he come home at all).

He certainly doesn't get to come slinking back home before your goddamned bruises have faded.

Second - how long are you together? How has your relationship always been? See, I don't believe that level of aggression comes out of the blue. A single slap, maybe - a shove and a smack, maybe, but the sort of persistant aggression that involves choking, slapping, a missed punch? To me that's escalated from somewhere. That's a sustained physical assault. That's fuelled by a hell of a lot of rage.

While I may agree with the 'once doesn't mean forever' camp, I would be very suspicious of the level of violence you were subjected to, the accusations from him that you made him do it, and his apparent lack of concern for you - or if he is concerned, I would be equally concerned about a level of enduring shame that is preventing him from seeing if you're okay. It suggests something is very, very wrong in the house of your husband, and he needs to get himself in order.

Everyone in Ireland is under pressure at the moment. There's a recession. Unemployment. Food on the table, roof over your head, keeping the car running - yes, it's stressful. But you don't get to beat the bejesus out of your missus because of it.

Nevyn

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

My first reaction would be don't you go anywhere - but throw him out. Tell him to pack a bag and get the hell out of the house. He possibly gets to come back when he's spoken to his doctor, addressed his issues and had at least two counselling sessions (by which time it may come to light that it isn't a good idea that he come home at all).

He certainly doesn't get to come slinking back home before your goddamned bruises have faded.

Second - how long are you together? How has your relationship always been? See, I don't believe that level of aggression comes out of the blue. A single slap, maybe - a shove and a smack, maybe, but the sort of persistant aggression that involves choking, slapping, a missed punch? To me that's escalated from somewhere. That's a sustained physical assault. That's fuelled by a hell of a lot of rage.

While I may agree with the 'once doesn't mean forever' camp, I would be very suspicious of the level of violence you were subjected to, the accusations from him that you made him do it, and his apparent lack of concern for you - or if he is concerned, I would be equally concerned about a level of enduring shame that is preventing him from seeing if you're okay. It suggests something is very, very wrong in the house of your husband, and he needs to get himself in order.

Everyone in Ireland is under pressure at the moment. There's a recession. Unemployment. Food on the table, roof over your head, keeping the car running - yes, it's stressful. But you don't get to beat the bejesus out of your missus because of it.

I completely agree with what MAJD has said and it applies equally to both genders.

XJR

I've been there - once it starts it continues. My biggest mistake (apart obviously from being the cause of my b/f hitting me) was that I didn't end the relationship sooner that I did. Everyone apart from me could see what was happening.

Get rid and put a decent distance between the pair of you - in the long run you'll be glad you did.

LegacyUser

op here thanks for replies.

Dont want to give too much background but no this was the first sign of any aggression other than a bit of shouting. Yes i believe i slapped his face at some point, after he wiped dog ****e on my torso. He had stepped in it so raised his leg and wiped it on me.

Hes been over and taken his stuff i am staying with my mother tonight with the kdis.

He says its a build up of all the ****e i've given him over the last 3 years. Yet we had been getting on ok recently his behaviour has started to change the last couple of weeks.

He says he needs help i ruined his life, he never raised his hand to anyone before in his life he was a happy go lucky guy til he met me. I understand where hes coming from.

Sounds like he hates me, i am 100% convinced there is something else at play here i doubt its all me causing this. His job is not so stressful. He has apologised but somewhere in his head i know he thinks its my fault co in the same breathe as apologising hes still giving out about me and theres a but in the sentence..

Thanks again for the replies. I have been to the doctor and apart from some bruising and swelling the doctor thinks there is a bone broken in my hand, possibly both hands, and gave me a letter for A&E. Thought i may have fallen on it but there is a cut and i believe its the shape of a finger nail so it was most likely crushed.

I Will find out tomorrow when i go to the hospital.

The Sweeper

He's still blaming you, is he?

Go to A&E and make sure you explain the situation to the attending and ask that they document everything properly in the Triage & Treatment report they'll write when you front and they examine you. Request that they take pictures if they can, because you may need them to support your case if you go a legal route.

Based on what you have described now in detail, I wouldn't take him back.

The attempts to humiliate you, beat you, crush you down, break you in two - that's all fuelled by rage. It's also the sign of someone who can't take responsibility for their own life, and subsequently are blaming you for everything.

Yes, leave him, take your kids, and prepare to be single - because nobody deserves to have a violent time bomb living with them and their children.

Another thing - tell his mother up front to back the hell out of it. Be very clear with her about what her son did to you. If you're happy for her to continue to have a relationship with her grandchildren, then do try to foster and nurture that relationship, but make it very clear that she doesn't get to be her son's cheerleader and she should not try to influence your decision regarding him.

One of my own first cousins is a nasty, lazy, slap-happy prick whose wife left him and took the children. My Aunt has a relationship with her grandchildren because she asked the wife to allow her to continue that relationship - and that worked so well, that the wife actually specified in her injunctions and the legal circus that followed that my cousin could only have supervised access to his children as long as my Aunt was present.

I'm pretty certain my Aunt has never, ever gone the "My poor boy" route with the wife though.

themadchef

Leaving him is hard, you still love him despite it all.

days, weeks, months will pass. "This was a mistake, he's sorry, it will never happen again, he loves you, think of the kids, think of all the good times" .... instead of being rational, you think he means it, you accept the story.

What you have done is benchmarked what passes for acceptable behaviour so when it happens again.. "well you didint leave the last time".

It's almost a classic.."your fault, you made him do it. It's not him". Not everyone leaves at the first sign of violence, I know I didint. So when I say to you leave now, im not saying it lightly. I know whats involved. I can understand every emotion you are going through. I know the worries, the uncertainly, the sadness. In the back of your mind you hope he made a mistake, it wasint really him, drugs maybe..who knows. By all means try to get him help, but only you can help yourself.

You are in charge of your own destiny yes... but you are also in full cotrol of what your children see as acceptable behaviour. If you dont do it for you, do it for them.

I dont want to ramble on too much op. Try to rest, try to not blame yourself, it wasint you.

Best of luck, if you ever need to talk, feel free to pm.

Stheno

spurious wrote: »

As someone who was once involved with an abuser, I would say leave now. I wish I had left at the first sign.

Thaedydal wrote: »

I completely agree with what MAJD has said and it applies equally to both genders.

+1 to both of the above, imo that level of violence will just escalate

Unregistered wrote: »

op here thanks for replies.

Dont want to give too much background but no this was the first sign of any aggression other than a bit of shouting. Yes i believe i slapped his face at some point, after he wiped dog ****e on my torso. He had stepped in it so raised his leg and wiped it on me.

Hes been over and taken his stuff i am staying with my mother tonight with the kdis.

He says its a build up of all the ****e i've given him over the last 3 years. Yet we had been getting on ok recently his behaviour has started to change the last couple of weeks.

He says he needs help i ruined his life, he never raised his hand to anyone before in his life he was a happy go lucky guy til he met me. I understand where hes coming from.
Sounds like he hates me, i am 100% convinced there is something else at play here i doubt its all me causing this. His job is not so stressful. He has apologised but somewhere in his head i know he thinks its my fault co in the same breathe as apologising hes still giving out about me and theres a but in the sentence..

Thanks again for the replies. I have been to the doctor and apart from some bruising and swelling the doctor thinks there is a bone broken in my hand, possibly both hands, and gave me a letter for A&E. Thought i may have fallen on it but there is a cut and i believe its the shape of a finger nail so it was most likely crushed.

I Will find out tomorrow when i go to the hospital.

Given what you've said, it does sound like he is pushing all the blame onto you for his behaviour, personally having been in a similiar situation many years ago, I'd stay away from him if I were you and do as MAJD has said.

It's not easy by any means, but better than the sheer horror of living on frayed nerves wondering which personality is going to come home/drink day to day and trying to cope with whatever happens, both the physical and mental trauma. He may well come back to you with promises that it won't happen again, it was a one off, he loves you etc, etc, and if the violence continues it will potentially get more violent, with potentially worse injuries for you. It's not your fault, it's his temper, and no one ever ever deserves to be assaulted by a partner in what should be a loving and caring relationship.

Very best wishes to you and your children.

Overheal

for the same reasons nougatti points out here, a future incident is a foregone conclusion. If he blames you for ruining his life, he's probably been thinking that for a while, and will continue to think that. Very dangerous.

[Jackass]

Yeah, to be fair, if he isn't taking 100% responsability now, then he obviously has a serious amount of resentment built up so there is no guarentee that he wont do it again.

Sorry about your situation OP, I hope you work things out one way or another, but don't put yourself in a position you're not 100% comfortable with.

melekalikimaka

if you were my sister, he would be found within an inch of his life outside a garda station with 'wife beater' branded on his chest. seriously, thats a line no man should cross ever, no excuse, imo a proper knocking around like what you got should be jail time.

Tigger

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

OP advice like this is nonsense. If this were the case then we might as well abandon rehabilitation. I am sorry your husband lost it; for my own information, were you hitting him as well?

Only you can decide what you want to do, if you believe it was a one off then when you do get back together make it clear than violence (by anyone in the relationship) is not acceptable.

no such thing as rehabilitation

leave

Nevyn

melekalikimaka wrote: »

if you were my sister, he would be found within an inch of his life outside a garda station with 'wife beater' branded on his chest. seriously, thats a line no man should cross ever, no excuse, imo a proper knocking around like what you got should be jail time.

Suggesting or advocating the use of violence on this forum will get you banned.

TheNog

At first reading the OPs first post I had concerns and thought maybe it was a once-off but after reading the second post from the OP I say definitely leave and don't go back.

I have tended to many domestic incidents, some of them once off but most are repeated. It also doesn't matter what class (if thats what you want to call it) you are from. I have been in houses with no drinking water or floors to houses with BMWs and Range Rovers outside. Some have kids, some are in their 50's and 60's. Domestic knows no bounds and can happen to anyone.

The most serious concerns I have were not the pushing or shoving or even the punching (if it was just a graze). It was the choking that caught my eye. When I read that I knew that there was a brief moment of killing or causing you serious harm there. Not nice I know but thats my interpretation of the incident from my experiences. From the second post you said he wiped excrement on you which shows to me that he has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever.

I'm sorry to say OP but this relationship should be ended asap. If you allow it to continue there is a very good possibility it will be a violent relationship therefore doing untold physical and emotional harm to you and your children.

Also I would suggest you get at the very least a Safety Order put in place. You can start the process by contacting your local District Court Clerk and have a chat with him or her. There is no need to be embarassed at all as the Clerk is quite used to dealing with people who have been abused. Once you have a Safety Order in place use it anytime he tries to put you in fear. Make sure to follow through with any complaint with the Gardai and DO NOT use the order as a threat against him.

My 2 cent

Carrigart Exile

Tigger wrote: »

no such thing as rehabilitation

leave

Thankfully those with better education and training than you believe there is

carlybabe1

Unregistered wrote: »

My partner and i had a row last night and it turned voilent. It involved a lot of pushing, shoving,

had it ended here i might have been able to say maybe it was drink and stress but then you said

twisting my arms throwing me to the ground and slapping my face but no punching

.

Then there's this statement

Except one small one when he tried to punch the bed beside my head and it grazed my cheek.

He also choked me twice. Drinking was involved and hes nornmally a happy drunk, he doesnt drink very often.

Quite frankly this doesn't sound like the actions of a bloke who has never raised his hand to a girl before, in fact it sounds as though he's practiced at it. If I were you, I'd be talking to previous girlfriends if you need to know for sure....

Hes under a lot of stress lately and says i have driven him over the edge.

Classic statement, he's blaming you for him physically assaulting you...its all about him

If he gets treatment i would try to save the relationship for the sake of my children *they were not home at the time*.

Why would you want to stay in a relationship like this? And thank god your kids weren't home, but if you want to stay with him then dont put the onus on your kids, its your choice and little to do with them....and if you do stay with him you are running the risk of him doing it again in front of them.....so ask yourself which do you think they'd prefer, that you split up with him and they'll miss him for a while, or years of watching him beat the crap out of thier mam

Is it possible its a once off? His mum said hes going to the doctor. I'm going myself with my injuries. He hasnt contacted me to see how i am or anything.

you answered your own question with your last sentence

LegacyUser

Thanks again.

No broken bones, arm bandaged up. I heard the doctor using words like serious assault and urging me to go the gardai.

Spent the day with a psychiatrist and social workers. They are advising i seek counselling for my "other" problems. I still feel like the blame is all mine. His mother was going on about how annoyed he was over something my friend said to him and was giving out about my friend, i mean wtf, i am just leaving the hospital cos her son assaulted me so i told her in no uncertain terms that that should be the least of his worries, its the least of mine and i didnt want to hear it.

I know everyone thinks i deserved it or i provoked him.

He went the doc and was prescribed medication so he said he cant see the kids for a few weeks as he needs to be alone. I dont have that luxury i am looking after 2 kids while every muscle of my body aches.

In regards to the choking, he said if he really wanted to kill me i'd be dead so it was not trying to kill me. He knows i hate anyone touching my neck as i was choked years ago.

Its the first time he hit me, hes twisted my arms before but he did break his hand twice punching the wall while we were fighting and plenty of phones and laptops got smashed as well.

Carrigart Exile

OP can I ask, who slapped who first