Most disgusting thing you've done in your OH's company?

Shurwhynot

I saw this thread on a different forum and the replies were both hilarious and :eek:

An ex gf of mine was over for dinner with me and my parents and she excused herself to go to the bathroom. After about ten mins i got a text to come upstairs discreetly because she had a bit of a problem.

Dialogue went something like this:

Me: "Whats wrong"

Her: "Ohmigodohmigodohmigod what am i gona do"

Me "Seriously whats wrong?"

At this point she beckoned me over and pointed into the toilet bowl at what can only be described as the biggest log of s**te i've ever seen and she couldnt flush it!!

I told her go back down to the dinner table and i'd look after it (being the gent i am!). After 3 more flush attempts it went down into the abyss and i returned to a few funny looks from my parents.

Very funny at the time though.

Snowie

thanks I just ate breakfast...

r3nu4l

OP, that's a lie, we all know girls don't poo!

Shurwhynot

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

thanks I just ate breakfast...

At quarter to 3 in the afternoon?

minidazzler

Shurwhynot wrote: »

At quarter to 3 in the afternoon?

What's wrong with that?

I'll be heading to Abrakebabra in a minute now for breakfast.



The Worst thing I have seen a girl do, Throw up all over my pants that I had to wear to work the next morning because I was staying in a friends house!!

Snowie

Shurwhynot wrote: »

At quarter to 3 in the afternoon?

i work odd hours to say the least

Snowie

i once farted while i was having sex with x miss snowmonkey

I once puked on x miss snowmonkey

Snowie

minidazzler wrote: »

What's wrong with that?

I'll be heading to Abrakebabra in a minute now for breakfast.



!!

for the love off god have asomething good for you like poradge and wild flower honey....

spiritcrusher

I'm not sure does this count, and it's a little disgusting, but I was out one night with a girlfriend and I ended up being a little tipsy, nothing crazy just drunk enough that I got really horny.
Out in the smoking we were chatting to a friend and I decided to put my hand down the back of her pants, she didn't mind she was tipsy too and gave me the 'keep going around to the pleasure zone' look. So I did but when I believed I had my fingers in the correct place she just turned to me, in front of my friend, and said plainly and loudly "eh, that's my asshole you knob".
Queue a trip to bathroom to wash hand.

Aurora Borealis

Cringe spiritcrusher and I understand your chosen username.I've done plenty of cringe-worthy things in my time. Tbh I think it shows a great closeness if you can and can both laugh it off. Some fond albeit blush enducing memories for me. Though obviously ones I ain't sharing and hope my ex doesn't either...

senordingdong

spiritcrusher wrote: »

Queue a trip to bathroom to wash hand.

Yeah, I'll bet that's what you went to do....*sniff*sniff*

Kurumba

One night after a bottle of red (each), i decided to treat my bf to a bit of sucky action. Was all going well until he went a little too, ahem, deep. Gag reflex kicked in and with a belly full of red wine.. Projectile isn't the word! Lets just say it looked like someone had been murdered!

pow wow

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

i once farted while i was having sex with x miss snowmonkey

I once puked on x miss snowmonkey

Is that why she's 'x' miss snowmonkey?

I don't do disgusting things btw. Except fart a lot in the mornings

Piste

Got sick >.<

Zaph

I really think this is better suited to AH.

Moved from The Ladies Lounge

In$omniac

It was more something that my other ex half did in my company, he came back to mine pished drunk after been out watching footie with his mates all day. Sat (fell) down to eat his chinese, was trying to tell me something funny, he thought it was hilarious (I hadn't a clue what he was on about) he got into a fit of laughing then he sneezed and I was left looking at him with noodles coming out of his nostril, whilst he was on the floor still laughing at his supposingly funny joke, oblivious to his noodle nostril!!

And yes I took pics

admiralofthefleet

i gambled on the fart lottery and lost

User Named

i woke my girlfriend up from a mid-day nap and farted in her face.....it was prity loud, so there wasnt too much smell....she still reminds me of it from time to time..

bringitdown

A bad fart or two at worst. Generally tho you are privvy to more natural sounds the longer you are together. My current gf let one rip when she was fast asleep .. and it smelt nothing like roses.

I did have some slight stainage in the crotchal area after a trip to the urinal one night .. I under sold myself I guess .. but that was more embarassing for me than her.

super_furry

Shurwhynot wrote: »

At quarter to 3 in the afternoon?

"Yeah, but it's breakfast time back home."

Red Alert

A female friend of mine puked red wine on my shirt one new year's eve and I'd to walk about 2 miles home.

Snowie

ellscurr wrote: »

Is that why she's 'x' miss snowmonkey?

she didnt mind that ....

we broke up cause she was going to the uk and i was coming back here was a bit fruitless...

togster

PUke all over my cock and then hop on it.

dSTAR

jessie1 wrote: »

One night after a bottle of red (each), i decided to treat my bf to a bit of sucky action. Was all going well until he went a little too, ahem, deep. Gag reflex kicked in and with a belly full of red wine.. Projectile isn't the word! Lets just say it looked like someone had been murdered!

Das beautiful babe.

Kinda reminds me of when I was traveling around France with my g/f. We had arranged to meet a friend in Bordeaux. We got a late train from Paris which was due to arrive in Bordeaux in the early hours of the morning. So we embarked the train and took our seats in a cabin.

Presently a young French man came and sat opposite us. He eyed us up a little bit and realizing that there was no chance of small talk because we were speaking English he settled himself down and fell asleep.

Whilst we traversed the French countryside our thoughts and conversation turned to sex. It must've been the heady wine we consumed or the fact that we had come from the capital of lurve because we were both extremely horny. Shortly afterward the conversation led to to passionate kissing and a bit of fondling.

The thing that was really arousing was the presence of a handsome French man only feet away from the scene of our amorous activity. I could tell that it was getting my girl all hot and heavy and this was adding to the intensity of the situation.

We didn't actually have full sexual intercourse but did everything else. At one stage while I was pleasuring my girl I noticed her looking intently at the man. I was convinced that he had one of his eyes slightly open and was watching us go at it.

This was enough to make me explode. When I say explode I mean it in the fullest sense of the word. It was enough to wake the gentleman who gave me a very funny look. As we arrived into Bordeaux I noticed I had covered myself and my girl in jizz. (The disgusting part I guess )

We didn't have any time to clean ourselves up because our friend literally met us off the train. She took one look at us and gave us a knowing smile. We hopped into her Renault and were whisked back to her apartment. Long story short we downed a bottle of Bordeaux and went to bed where we had unbelievable sex on a balmy Bordeaux night with bedroom doors and windows wide open.

Viva la France!

Lockstep

Was in school round the back of the buildings doing stuff with the ex miss Kickoutthejams. First time I was doing stuff with a lady so still naive as f*ck and then I realized that my hands werent in the hole I thought they were in.

Upon realizing where my finger was plugged, I opened my eyes in horror, she had her eyes closed, still sucking each others faces, she didn't tell me or even bat an eyelid:O

FlutterinBantam

Shurwhynot wrote: »

I saw this thread on a different forum and the replies were both hilarious and :eek:

An ex gf of mine was over for dinner with me and my parents and she excused herself to go to the bathroom. After about ten mins i got a text to come upstairs discreetly because she had a bit of a problem.

Dialogue went something like this:

Me: "Whats wrong"

Her: "Ohmigodohmigodohmigod what am i gona do"

Me "Seriously whats wrong?"

At this point she beckoned me over and pointed into the toilet bowl at what can only be described as the biggest log of s**te i've ever seen and she couldnt flush it!!

I told her go back down to the dinner table and i'd look after it (being the gent i am!). After 3 more flush attempts it went down into the abyss and i returned to a few funny looks from my parents.

Very funny at the time though.

Can be very disconcerting when first confronted with this situation.

However there is no need to panic, and more immediate action may be required if there is someone waiting to get in.

What to do in that situation is to reel off a good thick wodge of shíte paper,good thick one,fold it up well and then fold another and leave on the cistern.

With paper in hand reach down and extract the problem log and wrap it in both wads,then open the window and toss it into the next door garden.

May cause a problem later but its better than your future parents in law finding Meatloafs daughter smirking up from the pan,and knowing it was you:eek:

Sorry for going a bit off topic ,but that advice could prevent major embarrassment.

Fizman

Was comin home one morning from a heavy night at a house party, and the ex was driving. Half way through the town, and about 5 mins from home, my stomach turns. I quickly get the window down and vomit out the side of the car. This is while she is driving down Henry street in Limerick, so I was projectile vomiting out of a car right outside of Limericks main police station. Good times.
She was pleading with me to stop as she was afraid of being pulled and possibly still being over the limit. I couldn't stop. The side of her car was in bits. I think it was only a Daewoo Matiz or something ghey like that,so no harm done. She didn't see the funny side of it when I jokingly mentioned this to her when I was getting out.

Keyzer

In$omniac wrote: »

It was more something that my other ex half did in my company, he came back to mine pished drunk after been out watching footie with his mates all day. Sat (fell) down to eat his chinese, was trying to tell me something funny, he thought it was hilarious (I hadn't a clue what he was on about) he got into a fit of laughing then he sneezed and I was left looking at him with noodles coming out of his nostril, whilst he was on the floor still laughing at his supposingly funny joke, oblivious to his noodle nostril!!

And yes I took pics

Thats one of the funniest things I've heard in ages...
I've been laughing my arse off for the last ten minutes...

brendansmith

Keyzer wrote: »

Thats one of the funniest things I've heard in ages...
I've been laughing my arse off for the last ten minutes...

Em, really?
Abit ott?

BraziliaNZ

jacked off into her face

dSTAR

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

What to do in that situation is to reel off a good thick wodge of shíte paper,good thick one,fold it up well and then fold another and leave on the cistern.

With paper in hand reach down and extract the problem log and wrap it in both wads,then open the window and toss it into the next door garden...

OMFG have you actually done this?

Holy crapola :eek::eek:

Keyzer

brendansmith wrote: »

Em, really?
Abit ott?

Each to their own...

I visualized the situation and found it hilarious, like something I might do myself...

Pyr0

GF got sick on the ole pole when I pushed in too far.. It was pretty funny so I told everyone I knew.]

Good times.

Dudess

:eek: - Pyr0, that's not you surely...?

FlutterinBantam

dSTAR wrote: »

OMFG have you actually done this?

Holy crapola :eek::eek:

Well the alternative is to leave the bog with a giant turd in it and your prospective mother in law waiting to get in.

It alleviates the immediate problem.

Pyr0

Dudess wrote: »

:eek: - Pyr0, that's not you surely...?

Shhhhh ! Don't tell her i'm here !

>_>
<_<

Edit : And by everyone, I mean a few friends, no harm done

StormWarrior

After I had been going out with my ex boyfriend for a while, he developed a disgusting habit. If ever I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth or something, he would come in, pull down his pants, sit on the toilet and start ****ting. He had irritable bowel syndrome and his poo smelt worse than anything. I would say "what are you doing!" and he would answer, "We should be able to do everything together." I could never fancy him after that. He also had a habit of tucking his willy underneath so it looked like he had a vagina instead. Sometimes I think he really must have been trying to turn me off!

I did projectile vomit in his face after too many shrooms one night though.

senordingdong

StormWarrior wrote: »

After I had been going out with my ex boyfriend for a while, he developed a disgusting habit. If ever I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth or something, he would come in, pull down his pants, sit on the toilet and start ****ting. He had irritable bowel syndrome and his poo smelt worse than anything. I would say "what are you doing!" and he would answer, "We should be able to do everything together." I could never fancy him after that. He also had a habit of tucking his willy underneath so it looked like he had a vagina instead. Sometimes I think he really must have been trying to turn me off!

I did projectile vomit in his face after too many shrooms one night though.

That man is a hero.

My g/f tried to take a leak while I was brushing my teeth so I broke her nose.

Blitzkrieger

This one time we were getting a bit frisky in the garden and I rolled her over into this giant turd govered in toilet paper....

JK

User Named wrote: »

i woke my girlfriend up from a mid-day nap and farted in her face

There's a girl in work that was telling us an old boyfriend did that to her too. How do you not break up with someone after that?

Pyr0 wrote: »

Edit : And by everyone, I mean a few friends

...and everyone on boards.....

bennyblanco

After a particularly heavy session I sharted in bed with ex ms benny.
I'd been drinking for a couple of days so the issue was more liquid and pungent than "normal".Cue me trying to wake her up so's I could whip the sheet off before it soaked through into the mattress.
There I said it,I feel better:pac:

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

I puked in my sleep on my Ex and all over the bed, then leaned over the side of the bed and continued to puke on the bedroom carpet. I may add that the batroom was about 3 feet away. She wasn't happy.

Another time I pissed on the toilet seat and she sat on it, funniest moment of my life.

Taking a crap while I was drunk and she enters the bathroom, "Hey, how are you, sorry I am just taking a crap..."

I regularly "cup" my girlfriend. This involves farting into my cupped hand and bringing it to her face in a super swift motion. If done correctly it is as effective as farting in ones face.

Pyr0

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

...and everyone on boards.....

Pffft, we all know users on boards are not real people.. :rolleyes:

Kold

jessie1 wrote: »

One night after a bottle of red (each), i decided to treat my bf to a bit of sucky action. Was all going well until he went a little too, ahem, deep. Gag reflex kicked in and with a belly full of red wine.. Projectile isn't the word! Lets just say it looked like someone had been murdered!

Hai2u ?



I've done plenty of bad stuff, I'm a bit of a freak but there's nothing that would have been particular disgusting between me and a willing partner.. One time I was doing a sketch in bed and she jogged my hand, I picked up her favourite teddy and farted on it's face.
It's not so much disgusting but one time I was changing position and my foot cramped.. I kneed her straight in the crotch. I was also really ****ing drunk one night and accidentally drew blood when meeting the chesticles being a bit over eager.

Oh one of my exes I was having a smoke with and then we went to have sex, she ended up pulling a whitey, going out to puke and came back... I made her brush her teeth but went straight back at it. That's sorta gross isn't it?

Rowley Birkin QC

Thread definitely wins.

Haven't laughed this hard at a boards thread in ages.

Lockstep

StormWarrior wrote: »

He also had a habit of tucking his willy underneath so it looked like he had a vagina instead.

spiritcrusher

First time I tried anal sex with a girl when I gently (or what I perceived to be gentle) let myself in the backdoor, she jumped a little. I asked should I keep going, she said yes. Went a bit more, she jumped again. I asked once more should I keep going. Yes, again. This time there was an "Ooo" sound... a pause... followed by a lightning fast dash to the toilet, hands covering bottom.
Apparently she liked it though.

Capt'n Midnight

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Can be very disconcerting when first confronted with this situation.

However there is no need to panic, and more immediate action may be required if there is someone waiting to get in.

What to do in that situation is to reel off a good thick wodge of shíte paper,good thick one,fold it up well and then fold another and leave on the cistern.

With paper in hand reach down and extract the problem log and wrap it in both wads,then open the window and toss it into the next door garden.

May cause a problem later but its better than your future parents in law finding Meatloafs daughter smirking up from the pan,and knowing it was you:eek:

Sorry for going a bit off topic ,but that advice could prevent major embarrassment.

that urban myth usually ends up with FlutterinBantam going down stairs to a room full of stunned silence with all eyes looking up to the skylight / conservatory roof / at the thing sliding down the window

moral, just poke it under with someone's toothbrush :pac:

craiginireland

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

that urban myth usually ends up with FlutterinBantam going down stairs to a room full of stunned silence with all eyes looking up to the skylight / conservatory roof / at the thing sliding down the window

moral, just poke it under with someone's toothbrush :pac:

Ewwwwwww That's gross.

LivingDeadGirl

Pyr0 wrote: »

Shhhhh ! Don't tell her i'm here !

>_>
<_<

Edit : And by everyone, I mean a few friends, no harm done

Yeah and now everyone on boards fcuking knows.

Spa.

Capt'n Midnight

craiginireland wrote: »

Ewwwwwww That's gross.

Best not do it in your OH's company if it's their toothbrush.