Would you tell your best mate if you hated their other half?

Kold

I've been holding my tongue for a while now because I've thought that it's none of my business what he throws it into but I'm starting to wonder at this stage.

This guy and me have been best mates since I moved to Ireland at the age of 13. He's helped me out endless times in the past and I've always tried to do the best thing by him too. We're basically family, the amount we'd be at eachothers gaffs. He moved up to a big city in the East a while back but we're always onto eachother on MSN/phones and always make time to travel up to eachother ever so often. I was delighted to hear that he'd met someone and couldn't wait to meet her. He's always been kind of shy in that respect so I was thinking good on him.

Turns out she's a bitch. I hate her. But it isn't just me, when I met all his new mates, we all got on like a storm, a great bunch of people and it's no wonder because this guy is an absolute legend. They all hate her too. He's a really good looking guy too despite his low self esteem. That's why I was surprised to find him with this little chubster. Don't get me wrong, my gripe with her is her personality but I'd almost leave him off for a bit if he was getting his moneys worth, you know?

No, she's an obese little troll (and it's definitely her fault, went to the shop one time, she's the type to get a roll, crisps, chocolate and a f*cking diet coke). She's a spoilt little brat, too. Wealthy father who covers all her expenses. Horrific neediness, when I first met her, I was polite and tried getting to know her, she wasn't interested. She kept trying to steal his attention away from me, when me and him had a conversation I saw her afterwards with puppy eyes saying how she had no one to talk to. WTF, we were talking for 5 mins whilst other people were present.
The problem is, he's an awful pushover. I've seen girls like this before, using emotional leverage for her own vindictive needs. Not so much evil by nature but a terrible upbringing has made her incredibly unpleasant. She's an attention seeker, a show off and a bully. And she's found herself an incredibly nice guy from a good background who will take all the abuse in exchange for a bj. It's clear that she's used to getting her own way and with him, she does.
I've seen her throw tantrums, I've seen her take him out of the room to bitch that he isn't giving her his full attention. When we went to his summer house for his birthday, she had a go at me for putting on some Digitalism when she had a playlist made (consisted of the most stereotypical classic rock songs ever, f*ck that) so when I polled the others they said they'd rather my music and she was so p*ssed off. That was a crazy night with a lot of drinking but you could see that he was being tamed. That's when I learned that all his mates hate her.

Look, we're all entitled to puppy love (she's his first) and we all remember it as better than it probably was. But he's seriously deluding himself. The latest development is that his housemate has moved out since she moved in about a month back. This girl, a friend from childhood, was an absolute gem, one of the nicest girls I know and she rang me up saying she couldn't stick the girlfriend (we had a fantastic old bitch). As things are, I don't intend on visiting him in the foreseeable future (he comes home ever so often so I'll still see him), because she grates on me that much. I'm pretty sure she hates me too because as soon as I'd figured her, I refused to say any more than necessary.

So I'm stuck here. Shouldn't I be able to tell my friend anything? Surely now that it's at the situation where he's at risk of distancing friends it's almost my duty to at least give him the score?

For anyone that I was less close to I'd say that it's none of my business but he needs to ditch the bitch. He deserves a really nice girl of which there are plenty out there. I mean he may think he's happy but he's wrong!

So people, ever had to tell a mate that their other half was a freaking succubus? Regret it?

This isn't PI because I don't expect anyone who browses PI to be in any way useful.

Danbo!

Wait, I'm confused. So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?

Kold

tl:dr, mate's going out with a bitch who's going to ruin his life.

DarkJager

Next time they are in your presence, give the bitch the back of the hand and tell her there's more straight macking where that came from..ho.

Danbo!

Kold wrote: »

tl:dr, mate's going out with a bitch who's going to ruin his life.

ah ok. Pics or GTFO

Biggins

Ruin his life...!

Tell him to stop dating Mary Harney then!

---

...but seriously, yes, I'd tell him.

They say love is blind, he must be wearing blinkers too.
You can only try...

dsmythy

Duty.

It's what friendship is all about. Well part of it anyway, i might have exaggerated. It's your duty to tell a mate when he's taking the wrong path.

Kold

dsmythy wrote: »

Duty.

It's what friendship is all about. Well part of it anyway, i might have exaggerated. It's your duty to tell a mate when he's taking the wrong path.

You reckon? My stance has always been give advice when it's asked for.

6th

You should make ghey with him and make sure she finds out about it. Its what a REAL friend would do.

DarkJager

6th wrote: »

You should make ghey with him and make sure she finds out about it. Its what a REAL friend would do.

You've been through similar before then???

dsmythy

Kold wrote: »

You reckon? My stance has always been give advice when it's asked for.

In a way that sounds like a good idea. If he was drinking too much and you were worried about him he still might not ask your help but you'd try anyway right?

By the description you give you think this is going to ruin his life, at least in the short term? I'd say an intervention might be a good thing.

I've taken many a wrong path before and without good mates to slap me on the head (not literally) i'd probably still be taking those dodgy paths. But then again i don't know your mate. Different people will take such an intervention in different ways.

I guess in the end you know what you should do since you know him best.

6th

DarkJager wrote: »

You've been through similar before then???

If I hadn't have been so lucky as to find Mrs.6th and ended up with a bunny boiler I'd like to think a mate would try make ghey with me to save me.

Terry

Don't tell him. He will find out in time.

I've seen this happen with a friend of mine.
Completely selfish bitch of a girlfriend.
He went out of his way to please her and she ended up dumping him jus after he bought her a new car.

He's with a really nice girl now though.

It may take a few years, but love is blind and you will just end up ruining your friendship.
This is the type of situation where you just have to grin and bare it.

That, or you could just pole her.


Edit: I told him how much of a cúnt I thought she was about 6 months after they broke up.
Turns out he knew all along because his sisters (who also hated her) told him.

Sharpshooter

The next time he rings for a meet up , ask him out straight if she will be with him.
If he says no , then grand go and have a few pints.
If he says yes , tell him you don't really get on with her and visa verse ( although you have tried ).
Say you value your friendship and don't want to see
it come to an end because of this.
If he is as good a friend as you say he won't want that to happen either.
Don't say " I don't like her ", he will defend her no matter what you say.;)
Just that you can't get on with her.
He can hardly blame you if your personalities clash now, can he.

6th

Terry wrote: »

This is the type of situation where you just have to grin and bare it.

Thats kinda what I said.

Terry wrote: »

That, or you could just pole her.

If making the ghey fails then thats a good fallback plan.

4zn76tysfajdxp

sharpshooterH wrote: »

The next time he rings for a meet up , ask him out straight if she will be with him.
If he says no , then grand go and have a few pints.
If he says yes , tell him you don't really get on with her and visa verse ( although you have tried ).
Say you value your friendship and don't want to see
it come to an end because of this.
If he is as good a friend as you say he won't want that to happen either.
Don't say " I don't like her ", he will defend her no matter what you say.;)
Just that you can't get on with her.
He can hardly blame you if your personalities clash now, can he.

Ignore ALL of this nonsense. Just smack her around, her psycho bitch reaction will alert your friend as to what kind of a woman she really is.

IrishWhite

Simple, tell him. Here lies the problem most blokes think they love their first girlfriend but they are actually in lust and they cant differentiate between love and sex. So here is what will happen you will tell him what you think and you and him will fall out. Secondly he will get bored with the sex eventually and her personality will start to shine through and if she is the wagon you say she is he will cop on. Then you will become friends again. Cant give you a time frame but I have seen this happen with my own friends and all works out in the end.

Aodan83

Man up and tell him everyone hates her. If he's really at risk of losing good friends he's known for years, then its your duty. Seriously, whatever happened to bros before hoes?

Kold

Look I'm not gonna bone either of them.



But if I had to choose, it'd be him because I like 'em tall n skinny. Plus he'd be the type to hold me after but stop and feel bad when I tell him to give me some f*cking space.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Kold wrote: »

Look I'm not gonna bone either of them.

What if he bones you?

6th

Kold wrote: »

Look I'm not gonna bone either of them.

And you call yourself his friend?

Kold wrote: »

But if I had to choose, it'd be him because I like 'em tall n skinny. Plus he'd be the type to hold me after but stop and feel bad when I tell him to give me some f*cking space.

Benny on the loose! Benny on the loose!

Bring him out, get him drunk.
Find the hottest hornbitch you can get your hands on and give her whatever inducement need be to rape him.
Repeat until the unholy union disintegrates.

Kold

This is a pretty close poll so far. Who wants to make sex with me?

Kold

Moonbaby wrote: »

Bring him out, get him drunk.
Find the hottest hornbitch you can get your hands on and give her whatever inducement need be to rape him.
Repeat until the unholy union disintegrates.

He f*cking wouldn't, you know? I couldn't cheat and I'm the bad influence by all accounts.

Terry

6th wrote: »

Thats kinda what I said.

Yeah, like I actually read your posts.*

Kold wrote: »

This is a pretty close poll so far. Who wants to make sex with me?

Me.



*A ban for anyone pointing out the irony.

I do and have done, I'm generally frank with my best friends without being a loudmouth about it.
Once they know my opinion, I shut up about it and resume being polite and civil with their OH and wait for it to sink in with my friend that their OH is an a*.
Has worked in the past, though unfortunately I'm still waiting 2 years on for a current best friend + OH... I have faith she'll see sense eventually...

Charlie

Snakes with tits.

That is all.

Kold

Kold wrote: »

He f*cking wouldn't, you know? I couldn't cheat and I'm the bad influence by all accounts.

Hence the helpless drunken oblivion :rolleyes:.
How hot is this guy exactly? Pics?

Kiera

Kold wrote: »

This is a pretty close poll so far. Who wants to make sex with me?

Me! But only cause i thought you were a chick?!

Kold

Moonbaby wrote: »

Hence the helpless drunken oblivion :rolleyes:.
How hot is this guy exactly? Pics?

Well he's a hell of a lot more attractive than she is and I can say that for a fact. Having a vagina must be like some kind of superpower to girls.

Kold

Kiera wrote: »

Me! But only cause i thought you were a chick?!

I could be the chick if you wanted..?

dr.bollocko

Been through it before. Didnt tell the mate.
Bitch is still a bitch. Mate is now a shadow. Lot of regrets about the whole thing really.

That ****ing bitch.

Terry

Do they have kids yet?
If you are going to tell him, doing it before they reproduce would be the best time.


Don't try to change me.

Kiera

Kold wrote: »

I could be the chick if you wanted..?

/runs off to get strap-on.

Kold

Kiera wrote: »

/runs off to get strap-on.

/Gets to see what this prostate business is all about without feeling like a homo.

TeletextPear

i dont think you should tell him tbh. when i was reading your post i was starting to wonder if i knew you coz that exact situation happened with two mates of mine, no one said anything, he came to his senses eventually and broke up with her. but at the time if anyone had told him she was an absolute plank it would have gone down really badly and it's prob not worth risking him getting majorly pissed off when he clearly likes her.... girls come and go, like

also - make sex with me, kold

4zn76tysfajdxp

Kill her for being a bitch and then kill your friend for being a pussy.

Kold

Terry wrote: »

Do they have kids yet?
If you are going to tell him, doing it before they reproduce would be the best time.


Don't try to change me.

I told his ex-housemate that if he ever proposes I'll do it for everyone's benefit but I'm starting to think, why wait?

Amir Colossal Skirt wrote:

Kill her for being a bitch and then kill your friend for being a pussy.

But he lends me money!

4zn76tysfajdxp

Kold wrote: »

But he lends me money!

Ensure he leaves you money in his will.

Kold

Moonbaby wrote: »

How hot is this guy exactly? Pics?

I said he deserves a nice girl.

Aidric

Personal Issues FTW.

Kold

Aidric wrote: »

Personal Issues FTW.

Read the whole OP before posting FTW.

dsmythy

I see nobody's lost a friend because of speaking out thus far.

Terry

I just remembered that I told my friend to stay away from the bint when he first pointed her out to me and said he would like to be with her.
I had great fun rubbing that in his face.
Pre-emptive strikes are great when dealing with stubborn people.

Is your friend stubborn?

I also have another friend going through the same thing, even though he saw what happened with the first friend. There's no telling him even though he's become a laughing stock amongst my other friends.

God bless A's girlfriend for sitting in the pub with us all day Sunday and getting hammered with us. She rules.

COH

My mate was over in mine a few months back and asked why he doesnt hear from the lads much anymore.

Response - Because your gf is an awful cúnt, god wants her dead, and she has your testicles locked in a jar somewhere you can't get to for some reason. He agreed completely, then moved in with her.

Wagon

Why would you turn off Digitilism? What a bitch!

Quazzie

Tell him because you're gonna lose him as a friend anyways so ya might aswell at lease try.

Suck it up and grow a set of balls. All the advice about slapping the bitch should be considered

I'm the one who lost a mate for speaking up but it was totally worth it because I know he will eventually cop on

Earthhorse

Tell her you hate him.

Reverse psychology, innit?

Fozzie Bear

Best man for my mate Ray next year. The wagon he is marrying is a two faced lying cnut but there is no way i'd tell him what we all think of her or get involved. He is a big boy and can live his own life (no matter how badly the rest of us think he is doing). The cnut has his testicles in her handbag and he is not getting them back either.

There are literally hundreds of things I could say about her but here is an example.
There is a gang of lads that all went to college together, Me, Dan, Joe, Ray and a few others. The cnut is the sister of Dan and is marrying Ray. She is a few years younger and before she latched her parasitic self onto Ray she was going out for a while with Joe. However Joe soon realised she is a freakin nut job and gave her the heave ho. A few weeks later she was going out with Ray but unknown to him she was still texting Joe telling him she loved him etc and anytime we all met up she would always be throwing shapes at Joe. When he did not respond she ended up telling Ray that it was the other way around and Joe was always texting her and harrasing her!! CNUT! Ray is the forgiving sort and would not rock the boat anyway so this passed but she now rules his life. He built a house from scratch himself which he is being forced to sell cos she does not want to leave her home town and he has to move up to there and sell his gaff. She won't even meet him half way and buy between there two homes towns. She has no friend of her own as she has driven them all away so they don't go out unless it with us and then he has to be on his best behaviour. A night out with just the lads are a no-no! We are all married and its not a problem with our other halves. She is just a thundering fúck who is wasted on Ray. He is such a genuine lovely fella who would give you the shirt off his back and this cnut is going ot get him. There is no God!!

But there is no way I'd get in the middle of them or try to break it up. As i say he is a big boy and can make his own mistakes/decisions.

Kold

Fozzie, that's a far more extreme example and I think I would definitely say something in that situation.

Bob the Builder

bit like that myself, minus the woman of course - a bit of a pushover sometimes and too understanding.

But yeah, grab another one of his good friends, go for a coffee with him some night, be really happy with him, and then wither you or a friend just ask out of the blue "So how's Mrs. Ray?". then just suddenly change the aura, the mood everything, and then "well, Ray, maybe this isn't the best option option...", and make him see since.

Jesus Fozz, thats bad! poor fecker.