Trying my best to meet a guy

LegacyUser

Hello there,

I am in my mid thirties and I have tried everything under the sun to meet a guy ( I was in a relationship for eight years previously) I have joined clubs, speed dating, dating sites and I dont know where I am going wrong, I know you might say I am trying too hard but what else can I do? I dont sit around and wait for things to happen, you have to get out there and make things work for yourself in this life and that is what i am doing....... I think I am a nice person, chatty and friendly and I am very approachable, I am considered attractive. I just seem to meet guys who are into one night stands all the time....Its so frustrating!! Is there anyone in the same boat.........

Thanks.

Victor

Unregistered wrote: »

I know you might say I am trying too hard but what else can I do?

You are trying too hard.

how about taking a moment to step back and apreciate you for what you are by yourself. Someone will come along - a watched kettle never boils.

IanCurtis

I'm 30s and single myself, but don't take this the wrong way since I've never met you, but I'd run a mile from you.

The mention of the 8 year relationship suggests you're not over it yet and the, yes, desperation to meet someone else??

Why not enjoy you're singledom and relax? You're only gonna attract the wrong man I reckon, by all this advertising and when that doesn't work out you'll be in your forties and starting all over again.

Be happy single.

Easy said, but give up this manhunt!!

crazzzzy

you are definitely trying to hard. It isn't attractive to men cause they prefer a bit of a chase. Try enjoying life being single without stressing over finding a man.

Just think when you do find a man, you won't have all the free time you have now to hang out with friends and stuff so enjoy it while you can.

Never sleep with a man you like too early cause they just think you're like that with every fella you meet. Let them chase you for a bit til you know if they worth your affections

MIN2511

Yesterday a friend and i were talking about this: she's been single for 3/4 yrs now after a 5yr relationship.
How do people meet people?

Typical Week
Monday: Wake up at 7am, drive to work, work(9-5.30), after work-gym then off home to dinner and tv.
Tuesday: same as above
Wednesday: After work- pub quiz/meet up friends/gym
Thursday: After work-late night shopping, meet friends/gym
Friday: After work: night in town/cinema
Saturday: grocery shop, cinema/drinks/meet friends
Sunday: gym, lazy day in


This is her describing her week, with the credit crunch we all have to watch her wallets. She was told that her
company would be making people redundant so she's trying to cut down socialising every week.
She's done speed dating, blind dates(set her up twice), online dating....
And now she's officially off men! Cause there is no time in her life to find one


OP, you are not the only one in this position.

My 2c (same advice i gave my friend yesterday)
1. Stop searching
2. Women are too picky, don't shut a guy up when he approaches you-be nice. It's not all about looks!
3. Foreign men?

Smiles08

Hi OP
I think what Iancurtis says speaks volumes. Men find desperate women a complete turn off. I am in my early thirties and up until recently was very single and very happy. I have a number of single friends who are having nervous breakdowns because they feel their clock is ticking but at the same time have lists of criteria for any future partners. I work in a very male dominated environment so have a relaxed attitude towards them and as a result I met a fab guy who I have a big crush on and am just enjoying that right now. I am not over analysing and taking each day as it comes. What I mean by the above is relax. You have to be happy in your own skin and once that happens you will give off a lovely happy vibe. My advice to you is sit down and think of all the places men hang out - single ones obviously not marrieds. Think sporting events - rugby matches, soccer matches, GAA - all of these sports attract lots of ladies so grab a friend, go and cheer on a local team. Clubs are always looking for help in their fundraising departments and for volunteers and women tend to be stronger in adminsitration etc. There are always lots of socials around Christmas so dust off the sparkly heels, slap on some lipgloss and smile. There is nothing nicer than a smile (Hence my name)

little red

i have to agree with whats been said above. men do not like desperation and it does sound like you are trying to hard like you have yourself suggested.

i have a friend who is desperate to meet a guy and get into a relationship and unforunately every guy she has met in the last year has sensed this and its put them off (i know this as they have spoken to me about it)

i'll tell you the same thing i have told my friend, you need to relax about meeting a man. nobody wants to feel under pressure to be in a relationship and when you first meet a man its impotant to just relax, take things slow and just get to know each other

its great that you feel confident in yourself to put yourself out there to meet people, a lot of people would find this difficult. but just try to relax about these events and im sure in time you will meet a man who is interested in you for more than a one night stand. as victor has said, a watched kettle never boils

MIN2511

Why does everyone say "Men do not like needy women"? These same men have their own issues, fair enough
nobody should unburden their problems in the first month of meeting but we all have baggages-some big and some small.
I think a person's problems defines them, and if a potential partner uses is as a bargaining tool then then the relationship is doomed even before its starts.

We say-don't judge a single parent/divorcee but it's okay to judge someone based on their baggages?

Karen_*

I'm in my thirties and single too and have been feeling really lonely lately. But I cannot be bothered with speeddating or actively trying to find a man. My priority is to find happiness with myself. I don't want to waste my nights out prowling around for a bloke, I want to have fun and be spending time with my friends. I think that's the most important. I have a teenage child so I know its a bit easier for me to say because I don't really have an urge to have any more kids.

I beleive that what's meant for you won't pass you by and so if its meant to be its meant to be. But i'm sure not going to be single and miserable if I don't meet anyone. I think you should stop looking so hard OP. You're trying to force something but its just making you unhappy.

John Mason

You are probably stinking of desperation. you need to STOP looking for men and be happy with who you are and knowing your own self-worth and that you dont need a man to make you happy.

Then and only then do you stand a chance of meeting someone

SpookyDoll

Op, it doesn't matter what you do, YOU will be told YOU are to blame...as a woman in her 30's you are public enemy number one with that biological clock ticking....tut tut...how DARE you even draw breath, your mere presence on the planet is enough to terrify off these delicate flowers of Irish manhood! :rolleyes:

Ok, ok !!

You will either be told you are "trying too hard" -(scaring them off) or "not trying hard enough" -(sitting on your ass waiting for Prince Charming to come in the door on his White steed, love wont come to you ....yada yada yada....)

The problem as I see it is demographic, for some reason with this generation of thirty somethings, there are far more unattached 30 something women. They of course are made to feel extremely self conscious about this by society and thus begin to hide away lest they should frighten the young free and singles or smug marrieds!

There is feck all you can do and thats the honest answer, if you "get out there" -you will be considered a frightening predator who is desperate to breed, if you mind your own business and stay at home you are an "old maid"

Its really a no win situation, I wouldn't bother with the speed dating and internet dating and all that. Its depressing.

Just get on with your life and forget about men, its soul destroying to be told over and over "you will meet someone when you least expect it" -I know, but its actually true, as soon as you give up (its a massive relief) you will !

STUBBORNGIRL

hey Op,

Im not quite 30 yet but I used to be of the same opinion as you - panicking that i would be left on the shelf!

Then i took a step back - changed a few things in my life - Job - friends, Car - moved house and now all i need is a guy! But up until i started changing these i was miserable in my own company - now i enjoy it! I am happier in myself (down to changing the things i was not happy with) ...I have met a few guys since i have changed all of these and while they havent been the right person for me - it has given me the confidence to know that i am attractive and i can get men rather than being down thinking i was ugly and no man would ever come near me!

I think if there are things in your life that you are not happy with, then you should look to change these first and subsequently you may meet mr right!!

Good luck Op - if things were only as simple as years ago going to dances and dating men - rather than going to niteclubs and betting drunk men and never hearing from them again!!

ChickCool

you sound a little frantic although i agree with spookydoll above.don't think youll find someone to be happy with until your happy with yourself

Tuesday_Girl

SpookyDoll wrote: »

Op, it doesn't matter what you do, YOU will be told YOU are to blame...as a woman in her 30's you are public enemy number one with that biological clock ticking....tut tut...how DARE you even draw breath, your mere presence on the planet is enough to terrify off these delicate flowers of Irish manhood! :rolleyes:

Ok, ok !!

You will either be told you are "trying too hard" -(scaring them off) or "not trying hard enough" -(sitting on your ass waiting for Prince Charming to come in the door on his White steed, love wont come to you ....yada yada yada....)

The problem as I see it is demographic, for some reason with this generation of thirty somethings, there are far more unattached 30 something women. They of course are made to feel extremely self conscious about this by society and thus begin to hide away lest they should frighten the young free and singles or smug marrieds!

There is feck all you can do and thats the honest answer, if you "get out there" -you will be considered a frightening predator who is desperate to breed, if you mind your own business and stay at home you are an "old maid"

Its really a no win situation, I wouldn't bother with the speed dating and internet dating and all that. Its depressing.

Just get on with your life and forget about men, its soul destroying to be told over and over "you will meet someone when you least expect it" -I know, but its actually true, as soon as you give up (its a massive relief) you will !

I have to agree with a lot of this, if you sit back and rely on luck/fate/what's for me won't pass me, etc. people say you are too passive and that you need to take control and make things happen, if you go on dates, actively seek out opportunities to meet guys, go speed-dating, people will say you're trying too hard and giving off signals of being desperate...... What's a girl to do? : )

Pete4779

Unregistered wrote: »

Hello there,

I am in my mid thirties and I have tried everything under the sun to meet a guy ( I was in a relationship for eight years previously) I have joined clubs, speed dating, dating sites and I dont know where I am going wrong, I know you might say I am trying too hard but what else can I do? I dont sit around and wait for things to happen, you have to get out there and make things work for yourself in this life and that is what i am doing....... I think I am a nice person, chatty and friendly and I am very approachable, I am considered attractive. I just seem to meet guys who are into one night stands all the time....Its so frustrating!! Is there anyone in the same boat.........

Thanks.

Maybe you're not actually that attractive though (even though you have been "told")?

And all of the things you are doing are for a specific goal: to "meet a man". I think doing things because you find them interesting, makes you interesting, and from your posts, it seems like you are not particularly interesting. You need to make a life for yourself and a personality. Being "nice, friendly, chatty, approachable" = "boring, uninteresting and trying to develop rapport with everyone".

1) Start dressing to kill, working out in the gym
2) Develop things you are genuinely interested in. If you are boring, so will be your life.
3) Unlike the poster above who says "it's society" that puts the pressure on women, no it's not, it's your reproductive age, and that woman have a limited time to do it in. As the years go by a woman will naturally become less and less attractive. This is nature, this is how it is.
4) Observe women that have a successful relationship and copy them.

ChickCool

in fairness no matter what u look like some people will find you attractive and others wont

theganster

Victor wrote: »

You are trying too hard.

how about taking a moment to step back and apreciate you for what you are by yourself. Someone will come along - a watched kettle never boils.

OP Whatever you do, do not listen to people when they tell you things like that. Sorry Victor you are usually one of the most sensible people on boards, but I have to completely disagree.

It was not even a year ago when I felt very similar to the OP and had posted numerous messages on this forum about why I am single when I seem to tick all the boxes of what women are looking for, but somehow I just rarely had any proper female interest. People constantly told me “Maybe you are trying too hard” or “If you are looking for it, you’ll never find it”.

All total BS I learn in hindsight. What I did was ignored all this advice, and took it upon myself to change things for myself and take action to go out there and get what I wanted.

There is a great saying “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”. It applies to many situations, this one especially. Don’t sit back and expect prince charming to fall on your lap, you have to go out there and make it happen. I recall a Sex and the City episode where the girls go to a dating/relationship talk, and the speaker says that “You really have to put yourself out there” she is totally right. I really did it and it worked for me. I wish I had of done it sooner, but I was delayed by people telling me silly things like “Don’t worry, it will happen for you eventually”….

Make a decision for what you want, and set out to get it. Look at every aspect of you and your life, and see if you can make improvements that will make a difference. Appearance, social habits, and anything that will help you gain confidence.

You said you’ve done internet dating, but perhaps you are approaching it wrong. Be very honest and up front about what you want and do not want – and go about finding it. Don’t think its going to come to you, you have to get it yourself. It takes time I was a few months before it started happening, but in the space of a few months I totally turned my love life around.

galwayguy22

Victor wrote: »

a watched kettle never boils.

I've just been watching my kettle and it did in fact boil.

sunnydelight

"All total BS I learn in hindsight. What I did was ignored all this advice, and took it upon myself to change things for myself and take action to go out there and get what I wanted"

do you mind me asking exactly what things you changed to get what you wanted, because i like the above am single and have been for 4 years, and i'm in my mid 30's, i know i dont come across desperate either, "i ask my mates just in case", and i know i am approchable.

I have tried everything in the book excuse the pun "The Rules" :eek:

So "Miss Trying my best to meet a guy" i know how you feel.

p.s i have watched how other girls operate and it does not come natural to me to be ALWAYS unattainable and busy. or Doing the Rules didnt come natural either i felt Manipulative and a fake. Sorry if I high jacked this thread but after all i am desperate. "but not according to my mates",

John Mason

sunnydelight wrote: »

" after all i am desperate. "but not according to my mates",

well your mates are hardly going to tell you that you reak of desperation are they? its not really your mates you should be asking

foolsgold

I think alot of people have made very valid points and they are not necessarily at odds with each other - there is a balance to be had here. On the one hand you dont want your life to be about nothing else but finding 'that special someone' but as someone in a similar situation it doesnt always come across as helpful to say just relax and let it happen, what meant for you etc etc

You do need to relax and me happy in your own skin with who you are and where you are at. But at same time its no harm to make effort ie look good, go on nights out, think where guys are likely to be but without bringing the binoculars and 12 point plan along.....

Remember you have gotten plenty of replies to your post, people can obviously relate to your situation - loads of people in same boat and plenty who were but are no longer so all is not lost.

The important thing is do what makes you happy....good luck

LegacyUser

Well OP I totally understand your situation, I was like you, I was out and about hoping to meet Mr. Right when I could. I finally did meet him, speed dating!!! As I see it, your soul mate is not going to fall out of the sky. I totally disagree with some of the posts saying that you are desperate because you are trying your best to meet someone, what are you suppose to do? I admire you getting out there and doing your best to make it happen, no one else will do it for you..........I didnt get the impression from your mail that you were unhappy with yourself neither............as some posters suggested...........hope this is of some help.......

LegacyUser

This post is depressing...at least she didn't add i have self esteem issues or i over think everything!!!! ....are they any single women in there thirties who are cool, funny, confident, and not define by having a man in there life.....

metaoblivia

sunnydelight wrote: »

"All total BS I learn in hindsight. What I did was ignored all this advice, and took it upon myself to change things for myself and take action to go out there and get what I wanted"

do you mind me asking exactly what things you changed to get what you wanted, because i like the above am single and have been for 4 years, and i'm in my mid 30's, i know i dont come across desperate either, "i ask my mates just in case", and i know i am approchable.

I have tried everything in the book excuse the pun "The Rules" :eek:

So "Miss Trying my best to meet a guy" i know how you feel.

p.s i have watched how other girls operate and it does not come natural to me to be ALWAYS unattainable and busy. or Doing the Rules didnt come natural either i felt Manipulative and a fake. Sorry if I high jacked this thread but after all i am desperate. "but not according to my mates",

Sometimes, it just doesn't happen for a while. I know people hate to hear that, but I think it's true. For a time I was looking, and I got more dates, but no relationships. And for a time now, I've not been looking. I've just been out and enjoying myself and doing my own thing. And nothing's popped up in that time either. I'm not looking for anything to pop up, but it's something that I think everytime someone says, "The moment you stop looking and just enjoy yourself someone will come along." No. Not always. Sometimes you stop looking, enjoy yourself and that's life for a while - sometimes a long while.

LegacyUser

MIN2511 wrote: »

Typical Week
Monday: Wake up at 7am, drive to work, work(9-5.30), after work-gym then off home to dinner and tv.
Tuesday: same as above
Wednesday: After work- pub quiz/meet up friends/gym
Thursday: After work-late night shopping, meet friends/gym
Friday: After work: night in town/cinema
Saturday: grocery shop, cinema/drinks/meet friends
Sunday: gym, lazy day in
This is her describing her week, with the credit crunch we all have to watch her wallets. S

As a mid thirties guy who has dated a number of girls over the past few years, and with similar friends, are that woman of that age group (thirties) are (in general) becoming excrutiatingly boring! In your twenties its all parties and travel, but its important when you become a little more settled in your thirties that you keep up something personal and interesting in your life. I'm fed up of running out of conversation after a mere half hour listening to somebody who's life is as above.
The problem seems to be that a lot of Irish Girls go for mid/high achievers (naturally) because they (the men) are intelligent, interesting and potential marriageable characters. For example most of my mates would have two, three maybe four sports and hobbies that keep them interested and make them interesting people. Again, there is a element of generalisation here but girls want these interesting guys ignoring the fact that they themselves have little to offer. The guys ignore them, or break up after short periods because they only offer "attractiveness" and not long term intellectual stimulation. This then leads to the going for younger girls who have "attractivness" in spades plus are more willing to engage in the mans interests or have their own pursuits.
Fundamentally, what I am saying is go out and get a REAL pursuit - NOT the gym, evening classes etc which are NOT real interests - just placeholders. You might then have something to offer. The alternative is to remain as is and settle for a boring less attractive man with few interests in life. This means you must drop your standards, but is far more realistic.

IanCurtis

Boring wrote: »

As a mid thirties guy who has dated a number of girls over the past few years, and with similar friends, are that woman of that age group (thirties) are (in general) becoming excrutiatingly boring! In your twenties its all parties and travel, but its important when you become a little more settled in your thirties that you keep up something personal and interesting in your life. I'm fed up of running out of conversation after a mere half hour listening to somebody who's life is as above.
The problem seems to be that a lot of Irish Girls go for mid/high achievers (naturally) because they (the men) are intelligent, interesting and potential marriageable characters. For example most of my mates would have two, three maybe four sports and hobbies that keep them interested and make them interesting people. Again, there is a element of generalisation here but girls want these interesting guys ignoring the fact that they themselves have little to offer. The guys ignore them, or break up after short periods because they only offer "attractiveness" and not long term intellectual stimulation. This then leads to the going for younger girls who have "attractivness" in spades plus are more willing to engage in the mans interests or have their own pursuits.
Fundamentally, what I am saying is go out and get a REAL pursuit - NOT the gym, evening classes etc which are NOT real interests - just placeholders. You might then have something to offer. The alternative is to remain as is and settle for a boring less attractive man with few interests in life. This means you must drop your standards, but is far more realistic.

Jesus I couldn't agree more. "The gym, tag rugby" Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz so monotonous and dull.

It's just conforming with the stereotype that's there since 1995.

God be with the days you'd meet a girl with a spark, with a bit of charisma instead of these dead-eyed gym types with their poxy 2-bed apartments and their sad-arse cars. The types that spend Sunday driving to see their sister's kids rather than spending the day riding.

I get a taxiback from the pub on Sunday nights and the road is full of single women driving around aimlessly, preparing for the next pointless day in the office.....yawn

Karen_*

At the end of the day there's no advice that can be posted that will be guaranteed to work for the OP. Keep trying OP but don't meet a man only to find that without having to look for a bloke there's nothing left to you. If it happens it happens and it may or may not. No magic wand can be waved to actually make it happen for you.

Wibbs

theganster makes a few valid points. I think there's a slight diff between genders. Men have to be proactive or they may simply forget about it(or they get lucky). Women being the approached ones in general have a little easier time of it.

I also somewhat agree with what Boring wrote. He has a good point I must say. The simple, not so palatable fact is the guys the OP is looking for have a greater choice at their disposal. A guy who is in his mid 30's, especially a "good man/catch/whatever" has basically got a much larger group of possible women from mid 20's to 40 on his radar. As such you will have to work harder. OK many may object to that, but it is more true than it is false. In the same way a pretty/good catch 22 year woman has a much larger group of possible men than a 22 year old man.

In the same way a woman will tend to gravitate towards a strong emotionally secure(and financially secure) man, the same men will tend to gravitate towards emotionally secure prettier younger women. The emotionally secure thing only comes into the equation after they get to know each other too.

The other factor(raised in another thread) is that a guy who meets a say 26 year old is not immediately thinking long term/kids etc(even if they gel). If he meets a woman in her mid 30's that will cross his mind that the relationship is somewhat on the clock. There's more leeway with the 26 year old. I've heard men say this more than once. Lets say a man meets someone, they connect, they go out for a coupe of years and are serious about each other, they decide to both get hitched or have kids. That's a timeframe of 3 to 5 years. the 26 year old is hitting 30 at that stage. The 36 year old is hitting 40. Most women if they want kids will want them before that all things being equal. That's in the back of many guys heads even if they don't admit it.

OK this is just IMHO and they are major generalisations and people differ, but is a large part of the dating landscape. To deny it would be equally daft and as a 40 year old bloke I've seen this up close. We can all spout platitudes until the cows come home and yes there are many exceptions but if you want to increase your chances then this stuff needs to be looked at.

So OP what can you do to even those generalised odds? Be different. Get out there. Meet people, men and women. Increase your social life. Increase the activities you do and are interested in. Anything that comes up socially go. You never know who will be there or who you may meet. You'll get mates out of it if nothing else. That increases your odds too. Look to yourself emotionally and work on that. Lose the baggage you have. You have baggage too, we all do, but its how we carry it makes the diff. Be the best you can be on your own and for yourself. Do go to the gym, lay off the pies and look as good as you can(and not just to walk on the treadmill, if you dont see an improvement with diet and exercise in 6 months you're simply doing it wrong). Looks matter. That's a fact. People may deny it, but they do and far more for women than men(how many "ugly" women do you see with attractive secure men? The reverse is everywhere). Being interesting and having an interesting life will make you stand out and makes anyone more attractive.

A woman(or man) like the above will not have difficulty meeting partners at pretty much any age.

Aloysius Flyte

Pete4779 wrote: »

Maybe you're not actually that attractive though (even though you have been "told")?

And all of the things you are doing are for a specific goal: to "meet a man". I think doing things because you find them interesting, makes you interesting, and from your posts, it seems like you are not particularly interesting. You need to make a life for yourself and a personality. Being "nice, friendly, chatty, approachable" = "boring, uninteresting and trying to develop rapport with everyone".

1) Start dressing to kill, working out in the gym
2) Develop things you are genuinely interested in. If you are boring, so will be your life.
3) Unlike the poster above who says "it's society" that puts the pressure on women, no it's not, it's your reproductive age, and that woman have a limited time to do it in. As the years go by a woman will naturally become less and less attractive. This is nature, this is how it is.
4) Observe women that have a successful relationship and copy them.

That is post is unhelpful, inaccurate and downright nasty.
Are you trying to be controversial?
If that is how you view women and the world, I'm pretty sure that you will end up a sad and lonely old man.
I'm disgusted :mad:

sunnydelight

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

well your mates are hardly going to tell you that you reak of desperation are they? its not really your mates you should be asking

I feel so much better after your comment. thanks

John Mason

Unregistered wrote: »

This post is depressing...at least she didn't add i have self esteem issues or i over think everything!!!! ....are they any single women in there thirties who are cool, funny, confident, and not define by having a man in there life.....

me !

missannik

Unregistered wrote: »

This post is depressing...at least she didn't add i have self esteem issues or i over think everything!!!! ....are they any single women in there thirties who are cool, funny, confident, and not define by having a man in there life.....

I almost raised my hand, then realised that my jokes are lame and I'm not quite 30 yet.

Wibbs

Aloysius Flyte wrote: »

That is post is unhelpful, inaccurate and downright nasty.
Are you trying to be controversial?
If that is how you view women and the world, I'm pretty sure that you will end up a sad and lonely old man.
I'm disgusted :mad:

TBH I think his post, while written in cold hard terms, is not far wrong and actually more helpful and practical than the usual platitudes of "be yourself/it'll happen/what's for you won't go by you/etc" IMHO.

Katgurl

Wibbs wrote: »

TBH I think his post, while written in cold hard terms, is not far wrong and actually more helpful and practical than the usual platitudes of "be yourself/it'll happen/what's for you won't go by you/etc" IMHO.

Tend to agree.

OP if you're serious about finding a guy, invest in yourself, gym, get your teeth whitened haircut, professional clothes & make-up advice, make an effort every day. Develop some more interests outside meeting men. You'll feel happier, more confident which in itself is very attractive (not to mention your outward appearance).

Also, give yourself a shove out of your usual circle in an effort to meet new people in more natural surroundings. So everytime you get an invite to a party / gathering you don't know many people and your instinct is to refuse, just say yes. Even attend for an hour.


On nights out, stay away from the shiny bar meatmarkets full of 22 yo scantily clad females and go places that attract more blokes and actual interaction and conversations. Bars like The Duke, Dame Tavern, Stags hEAD, Long Hall if you're in Dublin are always wall-to-wall with guys. Gigs are a good bet too, if you're even halfway well-presented you'll get a load of attention (and you'll have the advantage of similar taste in music).

Also, ask everyone you know if they have any single friends you might like. Even if you don't fancy him, you'll meet new people, have some new stories and that's always good.

Best of luck.

Aloysius Flyte

I think you are missing my point.

He was telling her that she probably wasn't attractive and was probably boring. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, he has never met her or spoken to her and that kind of arrogance is the kind of bull**** that makes single girls out there despair.

I'm all on for looking good, looking after onesself and being proactive about meeting people. Being open and friendly and putting yourself out there is really important and it can be hard for some girls (and guys) to get the balance right, and they sometimes can come off looking plain desperate.

Telling someone that they are probably unattractive and boring is of no help whatsoever.
I remain disgusted :mad:

Katgurl

Aloysius Flyte wrote: »

I think you are missing my point.

He was telling her that she probably wasn't attractive and was probably boring. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, he has never met her or spoken to her and that kind of arrogance is the kind of bull**** that makes single girls out there despair.

I'm all on for looking good, looking after onesself and being proactive about meeting people. Being open and friendly and putting yourself out there is really important and it can be hard for some girls (and guys) to get the balance right, and they sometimes can come off looking plain desperate.

Telling someone that they are probably unattractive and boring is of no help whatsoever.
I remain disgusted :mad:

he said that maybe she wasn't and made some (imo helpful) suggestions to maximise her chances.

On another point, I don't know why other posters are talkign about not needing a man to define oneself. She has just said she'd like to meet someone, at least she is being honest.

Aloysius Flyte

Pete4779 wrote: »

Maybe you're not actually that attractive though (even though you have been "told")?

And all of the things you are doing are for a specific goal: to "meet a man". I think doing things because you find them interesting, makes you interesting, and from your posts, it seems like you are not particularly interesting. You need to make a life for yourself and a personality. Being "nice, friendly, chatty, approachable" = "boring, uninteresting and trying to develop rapport with everyone".

1) Start dressing to kill, working out in the gym
2) Develop things you are genuinely interested in. If you are boring, so will be your life.
3) Unlike the poster above who says "it's society" that puts the pressure on women, no it's not, it's your reproductive age, and that woman have a limited time to do it in. As the years go by a woman will naturally become less and less attractive. This is nature, this is how it is.
4) Observe women that have a successful relationship and copy them.

Ok I'll give you the maybe, but what about the boring and un-interesting?
Also, that comment about women getting less and less attractive as they get older. That's hardly helpful or supportive and its not nature, plenty of women come into their own as they get older and more confident and comfortable in themselves.

Being yourself and finding the relationship that is right for you is far better than copying other people and trying to have someone elses relationship.

Katgurl

Aloysius Flyte wrote: »

Ok I'll give you the maybe, but what about the boring and un-interesting?
Also, that comment about women getting less and less attractive as they get older. That's hardly helpful or supportive and its not nature, plenty of women come into their own as they get older and more confident and comfortable in themselves.

Being yourself and finding the relationship that is right for you is far better than copying other people and trying to have someone elses relationship.

I still agree with the working out bit and developing interests outside the specific goal of meeting a man.

the bit about us gettign less attractive (as fact) is pure b0ll0cks and i'm ignoring that.

Aloysius Flyte

Katgurl wrote: »

I still agree with the working out bit and developing interests outside the specific goal of meeting a man.

the bit about us gettign less attractive (as fact) is pure b0ll0cks and i'm ignoring that.

So we're agreeing then?

Katgurl

Aloysius Flyte wrote: »

So we're agreeing then?

yeah, go on then, why not? just on that point

dory

I think there are some really good points on this thread.
The whole developing interests thing is crucial, easiest way to make conversation is if you have a few of them. I'd generally run from any girl who had no life outside work, gym and meeting friends. I like women to be passionate about something, especially if it's cooking great food!

The getting less attractive thing I don't agree with. I have a thing for older women, and I doubt I'm the only one who does. So to say as a rule that men prefer em younger is a load a crap.

SpookyDoll

^^Yep, and the good thing about a fella in his 20's and a girl in her 30's is fellas in their 20's are much more relaxed and less judgemental.
They are not looking to "settle down" and have babies, they are into fun stuff and enjoyment and living for the day.

Fellas in the 30's can fall foul of the homogenised Ken Doll, suit wearing, gym attending stereotype, desperately grasping around for someone to partner up with....its offputting!

I once went on a date with one when I was single and the fella (bear in mind this is the first date) interviewed me on what type of maternity leave I would be entitled to. He was just out of a relationship and was obviously in a hurry to fit me into a "wife" shaped hole. Needless to say I legged it sharpish.

I think a lot of the angst that people go through in their 30's is caused by trying to live life by a timetable, quick get married and sqeeze out the emergency baby before the clock ticks....

Ahh its a bunch of bull !

St Bill

IanCurtis wrote: »

Jesus I couldn't agree more. "The gym, tag rugby" Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz so monotonous and dull.

It's just conforming with the stereotype that's there since 1995.

God be with the days you'd meet a girl with a spark, with a bit of charisma instead of these dead-eyed gym types with their poxy 2-bed apartments and their sad-arse cars. The types that spend Sunday driving to see their sister's kids rather than spending the day riding.

I get a taxiback from the pub on Sunday nights and the road is full of single women driving around aimlessly, preparing for the next pointless day in the office.....yawn

See now you've mentioned the word 'pub', I have this vision of you being a charming guy until you have a few drinks. Then you start repeating yourself ad nauseum because you forgot what you said five minutes ago.

But then again, it's not really fair of me to make assumptions of you based on what I've experienced with other men in the past