To be or not to be friends

Bluemoney

Hey everyone,

I recently meet a girl in a bar and we have been chating to each other quite a bit. She proposed to go out for a drink together soon, when I offered she explained she just wanted to be friends and that she already has a boyfriend and that she just wanted to go out as friends.

What should I make of this? I wouls like to be more than friends

Thanks, Damo

shellyboo

Bluemoney wrote: »

Hey everyone,

I recently meet a girl in a bar and we have been chating to each other quite a bit. She proposed to go out for a drink together soon, when I offered she explained she just wanted to be friends and that she already has a boyfriend and that she just wanted to go out as friends.

What should I make of this? I wouls like to be more than friends

Thanks, Damo

Do yourself a favour and don't set yourself up for heartache and disaster. She's been straight with you, so don't be hoping for more when you already know there's no chance. Tell her you're interested in her as more than a friend so you don't think that drinks are a good idea.

Star Lord

Bluemoney wrote: »

Hey everyone,

I recently meet a girl in a bar and we have been chating to each other quite a bit. She proposed to go out for a drink together soon, when I offered she explained she just wanted to be friends and that she already has a boyfriend and that she just wanted to go out as friends.

What should I make of this? I wouls like to be more than friends

Thanks, Damo

You either stay her friend or you don't go out at all with her.
Simple as.

Will

Go and only go if, you are 100% sure you're ok with being her mate. Otherwise I wouldn't go.
Be thankful she didn't lead you on

Piste

I think it's a bit shallow to not see someone just cos you want to get into their poants and you can't, you may find a really good friend in this girl. The opportunity to make good friends-whether male or female- shouldn't be passed by.

PrivateEye

I vote no.

Purely because if I really liked a girl, and wanted to be 'more than friends' with her, it would absolutely kill me.

Maybe you're different, but it'd eat me up and there's not a chance I could listen to her talk about her boyfriend :rolleyes:

Black Swan

Friends are grand! Don't blow it by wanting more!

Latchy

You just have to accept she wants to be friends .As PI said nothing worse than wanting something to be more than it can be .Except the hand of friendship .

Bluemoney

Thanks as always, im clearer on the situation now.

stovelid

Piste wrote: »

I think it's a bit shallow to not see someone just cos you want to get into their poants and you can't, you may find a really good friend in this girl. The opportunity to make good friends-whether male or female- shouldn't be passed by.

Not always as straightforward if one party is attracted to the other, unfortunately.

*Dallas

she sounds like a bit of a tease!! I'd never get a number of a guy in a bar, and then tell him I have a boyf.

I guarantee she's trouble and if you say you want more then friends, you'll only end up getting hurt

Piste

stovelid wrote: »

Not always as straightforward if one party is attracted to the other, unfortunately.

Yeah i know, before I was going out with my boyfriend and we were bezzie mates he almost broke up with me (as friends) cos he hated just being friends with me. I wouldn't let him though and thankfully it all worked out

MrDaithi

May be she has more lady friends she can introduce you to.

Crumble Froo

*Dallas wrote: »

she sounds like a bit of a tease!! I'd never get a number of a guy in a bar, and then tell him I have a boyf.

I guarantee she's trouble and if you say you want more then friends, you'll only end up getting hurt

well, given they've only been out together once before, it is quite possible that the attraction is quite preliminary, and that they could make quite good friends.

and giving somebody your phone number does not make you a tease. im new in the city im in, and often quite lonely, making a point of making myself go out, so as to meet more people, and in general, i will tend to get on better with guys... so... i can't give them my phonenumber even though they know i have a boyfriend, because that'd make me a tease?

johnnyskeleton

Crumble Froo wrote: »

well, given they've only been out together once before, it is quite possible that the attraction is quite preliminary, and that they could make quite good friends.

and giving somebody your phone number does not make you a tease. im new in the city im in, and often quite lonely, making a point of making myself go out, so as to meet more people, and in general, i will tend to get on better with guys... so... i can't give them my phonenumber even though they know i have a boyfriend, because that'd make me a tease?

You have a boyfriend, go out on your own in town, chat to men in preference to women and want to give the guys your phone number thinking that you and them can be just friends? Yeah, that would make you a tease alright.

You might say that that is not what you intend, but I have to say that even if you don't consciously think that this type of behaviour is misleading, you probably subconsciously think it and enjoy the attentions.

Parsley

Go for the drinks. Best case scenario, she has hot single friends that you'll get introduced to.

Nevyn

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

You have a boyfriend, go out on your own in town, chat to men in preference to women and want to give the guys your phone number thinking that you and them can be just friends? Yeah, that would make you a tease alright.

You might say that that is not what you intend, but I have to say that even if you don't consciously think that this type of behaviour is misleading, you probably subconsciously think it and enjoy the attentions.

Heavens forfúckingbid a person tries to make firends with someone of the opposite gender.

The last 4 single males I gave my number to had NOTHING to do with being a tease or wanting to get laid, they are cool, fun and intresting people that I want to spend time with and get to know.

johnnyskeleton

Thaedydal wrote: »

Heavens forfúckingbid a person tries to make firends with someone of the opposite gender.

It is one thing to want to make friends irrespective of gender. It is another to prefer friends of the opposite gender. All things being equal, if you prefer the opposite gender there must be a reason why this is so, and it's not a difficult leap of logic to suggest that the reason for this preference is based on sexual preference.

Thaedydal wrote: »

The last 4 single males I gave my number to had NOTHING to do with being a tease or wanting to get laid, they are cool, fun and intresting people that I want to spend time with and get to know.

It's a matter of context. Going to a pub, chatting to men in preference to women and giving them your phone number (presumably eschewing the cordial advances of the ladies who also would like your phone number) could in theory be a purely platonic choice, as in I can't prove that it's not, but you can draw inferences from the circumstances/

cmcsoft

It's easy to say just be friends with her but I doubt if you would be posting here asking advice if you didn't have any interest in her. If you do this now you'll end up getting hurt, there's plenty of single girls out there.

If you think that you could handle just being friends with her, no problem

bennyblanco

Piste wrote: »

I think it's a bit shallow to not see someone just cos you want to get into their poants and you can't, you may find a really good friend in this girl. The opportunity to make good friends-whether male or female- shouldn't be passed by.

I guess I must be a bit shallow.:D
I think it's more that the OP could save himself alot of hassle if he didn't given that there's nothing worse than being in the friends zone.

Crumble Froo

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

It is one thing to want to make friends irrespective of gender. It is another to prefer friends of the opposite gender. All things being equal, if you prefer the opposite gender there must be a reason why this is so, and it's not a difficult leap of logic to suggest that the reason for this preference is based on sexual preference.



It's a matter of context. Going to a pub, chatting to men in preference to women and giving them your phone number (presumably eschewing the cordial advances of the ladies who also would like your phone number) could in theory be a purely platonic choice, as in I can't prove that it's not, but you can draw inferences from the circumstances/

i should elaborate.

in general, i get on better with blokes than with other females. it is nothing to do with my sexual preference, and everything to do with my general personality, and tastes. in general, i find males easier to get along with and talk to, particularly when it is made clear that i am not available.

Jules

ok think this one is done