Dear God, I need my sleep

Chunkylover

hey

Looking for a bit of help, we have a 9 day old baby at home and just cant get her to sleep at night, she has no problems napping or sleeping from 5am till midnight but just cant do the hours inbetween.
As soon as we put her into the moses basket she starts to wimper and then goes into a full blown cry

We have a fairly normal routine of bath, feed , change and bed at the same time every night.

In the hospital there were no problems like this but she was sleeping nearly 24hrs then

I know its early on but is there anyway to get here relaxed at night so we can atleast get 2 hours sleep straight
At the moment our only other alternative is that 1 of us sleeps during the day and then keeps her active at night, just to keep her mind active while shes awake

littlebug

Chunkylover wrote: »

hey

At the moment our only other alternative is that 1 of us sleeps during the day and then keeps her active at night, just to keep her mind active while shes awake

you need to try to turn that around... she's got day and night mixed up. The last thing you want to do is keep her active at night. When she wakes at night keep the room dark (or dimly lit) and speak in hushed tones. She has to learn that nighttime is different.
I know it's early days but she will learn if you stick at it. I got one of those fisher price aquarium things that has lovely soothing wave sounds that worked well with my daughter. My neighbour has used it with her 2 kids. it's been doing the rounds for 6 years now!

Maglight

Poor you, the first few weeks are really tough, but really there is absolutely nothing more you can do about it than you are already doing. She'll settle into a pattern eventually, but for the moment you just have to go with it and get you sleep while she is sleeping. I know it feels endless, but this phase will pass. It's usually settled by six weeks. Just keep focused on that. Good luck.

Ludo

Maglight wrote: »

Poor you, the first few weeks are really tough, but really there is absolutely nothing more you can do about it than you are already doing. She'll settle into a pattern eventually, but for the moment you just have to go with it and get you sleep while she is sleeping. I know it feels endless, but this phase will pass. It's usually settled by six weeks. Just keep focused on that. Good luck.

LOL I remember being told that....and then after 6 weeks something else will crop up to keep you awake...colic or something...
But you will be told, ah sure that will sort itself out in a month or two..then it does.
Then something else crops up (teething or something)...give it a month or two and all will be well...aaargh...and on and on it goes.

Next person who tells me that it gets better will get a beating :-) as it just depresses me when I find out about the next reason for no sleeping.
Personally I prefer the POSSIBLE truth of being prepared to never sleep again and you won't be disappointed like I was when things only stayed "good" for about 2 weeks max at a time.

One year and counting here and have been getting a whopping 4 hours broken sleep a night recently due to random crying and refusing to go back to sleep.

Admittedly dealing with twins here so there is the added annoyance of one waking the other and then everything goes to hell very quickly.

EDIT...hmmm...sorry for the rant and sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted but REALLY suffering from lack of sleep here. "Playtime" started at 11pm last night and went on until 2.30ish. Up for work at 6.30am. Not happy today :mad:

pgroarke

I would try the Slumber Bear (available from the usual baby sources).
Essentially it is a teddy bear with prerecorded womb sounds which play when the child moves / cries.
Basically your child has been listening to a racket for 9 months in the womb - especially the mothers heart beat.
That is why many babies are freaked out at night time particularly - because it is so unusually quiet.
Many babies soothe to this sound.

Sounds like your baby has no trouble sleeping horizontally during the day so I wont go down the road of talking about testing for reflux / milk allergy.

Mr Magnolia

We found this book great for practical advice on routines for the first couple of months. We took & left pieces as we seen fit. There's a section devoted to getting your baby's routine reversed, regarding sleeping during the day and awake at night. Your local book store should have it, it's very popular. Good luck.

Nevyn

Would you consider co sleeping ?
Where is she sleeping during the day ?

shrapnel222

as everyone else has said, stick to it. One year on and we're still sticking to it. we're confident he'll be sleeping through the night anytime soon!!!:p

god i miss sleep

littlebug

shrapnel222 wrote: »

as everyone else has said, stick to it. One year on and we're still sticking to it. we're confident he'll be sleeping through the night anytime soon!!!:p

god i miss sleep

lol:D It will eventually happen (though we can still be up before 6am) I think I just got used to it.

Quackles

My little guy had serious day/night confusion when he was born first, which was all but resolved when he was readmitted to hospital at 2 weeks - we discovered he preferred to be in the cot they put him in than in the enclosed moses basket we'd had him in (liked to see the world even then) and I can't rate swaddling highly enough. If his arms escaped, he woke up, but if he was snuggly wrapped up, he stayed asleep. Good luck, I know it's tough!

SpiderPiglet

You poor thing, I have a six month old and I'm blessed. He's been sleeping through the night since he was four weeks old.

At first when he would wake for his middle of the night bottle I would leave the light off, pick him up without talking and feed him, again without talking or much cuddling.
By the fourth week he no longer needed the middle of the night feed cause he was getting enough during the day, and because he recieved no real attention during the night he probably figured there was no point in waking.

I was very lucky though, he's been a very relaxed baby. In six months we've had three nights of disturbed sleep.

Dont get stressed, it's early days. Just remain calm and the baby will also become calm.
Worked for me anyway.

Ludo

SpiderPiglet wrote: »

I was very lucky though, he's been a very relaxed baby. In six months we've had three nights of disturbed sleep.

I HATE YOU

Dades

pgroarke wrote: »

I would try the Slumber Bear (available from the usual baby sources).

+1 for Danger Bear (as he's been renamed in our house ) The womb type noises are also good for disguising creaky floors and loo trips etc.

Some nippers just don't like kipping on their backs to begin. In the beginning we'd try and get her asleep on her front on someones chest and then sneak her into the crib.

That said, once you get over the phase of picking them up at anything less than a roar, they will learn how to fall asleep. Our 12 week old has been kipping between 6-8 hrs now for a nearly a month.

I won't say it will get better, but it sure might!

Oryx

All I can say is its early days yet, you may not believe me but it will settle a bit more. The first two weeks were settling in time for both my kids, I remember it being hellish, but it improved rapidly. That said, you will go for a long, long time before you get a full nights sleep again, but you do get quite used to managing with broken sleep. Even broken, the hours add up, and you survive.

On the really bad nights, when baby was upset and so was I, I used to lay him or her on my chest, face down, so their head was near my heart. (turned sideways, obviously). It never failed to settle either of my two when they were tiny, and I usually could cat nap too. Funnily enough you dont really ever forget they are with you.

The only time that ever was a problem was one night I had that frightening sensation of falling as I went asleep. You know the thing that makes you jump and wake up. I damn near sent the child a foot in the air.

lostinnappies

At nine days old she is coming out of the honeymoon period (first week to two weeks) where they sleep all day. If you are breast feeding she will be waking every two to three hours for a feed anyway so there isnt anything you can do about that until she is older and will last a little longer without a feed. If its bottle feeding then its every 3/4 hours. But im assuming you know this already.

Some babies are reassured by mommy/daddy moving about clattering in the kitchen making small noises, then when it comes to peace and quite, dark room and lower temperatures its unnerving for them and at that age any difference in surrounding can disturb them.

You could try creating a more snug fit around the mosses basket by placing rolled up blankets either side of her under the sheet. This will give her a sensation of still being held. Then just place a hand gently on her chest so she can feel the warmth of your hand.... then all you have to do is wait. If she begins to cry its ok, she wont die or have an arm drop off. Allow her the time to settle on her own knowing that she is safe and warm.

Dont know if this will help.:)

TargetWidow

I found swaddling really helped as my little missus used to thrash around and wake herself up but they only recommend that up to the age of about 12 weeks (risk of overheating and SIDS) so after that she went into a grobag and was quite happy to do so. +1 for what others here have said about fitting dimmer switches and keeping lights low and not making much hullabaloo at night time so that they learn it's no fun to be awake at night. My daughter dropped her 2.30 am feed at about 8 weeks and went from 7 to 10.30 then had a feed and went from 11.30 to 7 am. I cant overstress making sure the baba is getting enough milk during the day. The sheer joy of being able to get to bed at 11.30 and not be woken till 7 isnt something I will go into here! Having been weaning now for the last few weeks she has now dropped the 10.30pm feed and so sleeps most nights 7-7. Although the clocks being tinkered with a few weeks ago has her waking up at 6 for a singsong for 10 minutes and when she doesnt get picked up she goes back to sleep till 7.
One last trick I found useful. And as others said here before this is difficult. Dont go picking baby up for every little whimper. You will soon be able to tell the difference between the sound of grumbling and when there really is a problem. And give baby 10 minutes to wake up after naps and in the morning before picking them up. This was a god-send for me because she doesnt wake up crying to be picked up, and can be useful for a quick shower in the morning. PM me if you want the name of the book of baby routines I used and found fabulous. I was told "baby knows best" in the hospital and that she'll find her own routine. Meanwhile the rest of the house goes to hell in a handcart. I believe a well rested mammy and daddy (and baby) is in the best interests of everyone and put my little one on a routine. Within 2 days she was much more settled. I highly recommend it if you are someone who enjoys structure and sleep!;)

metrovelvet

My son was nocturnal for the first 3 months and in the day he would sleep in 45 minute increments. He didnt really start sleeping solidly until he started being weened onto solids and even now at 16 mos he wakes up every few hours and will wake up a lot more if he didnt have meat in his dinner.

babyboom

I have no advice except to say that I sympathise. I have 3 children and haven't had a full, uninterrupted night's sleep in 11 years! Hope it gets better for you soon.

marti101

I have to say i found the growbag a godsend.Really you can keep babs at a nice temp.Are you breastfeeding or bottlefeeding cause if your bf it might be a growth spurt

Chunkylover

It got better lastnight, just hope its not a one off, we were only up for about 3 hours and as usual, bang on 5 o'clock was back asleep
Shes sleeping in the basket in a cot, if you get me, at the foot of the bed
Im beginning to think that she just doesnt like sleeping on her back or finds the base of the basket to cold, if I put her on her tummy on my our bed she is asleep or peaceful within seconds, even faster when its on my chest and faster than that if shes on my gfs (uses the boob as a pillow)

We are keeping our routine going and shes staying more awake during the day so we hope its the start of the turn around, we keep a 10w bulb on so its not pitch black but not blinding her

I just know that bang on 6 weeks ill be thinking "but they told me it would stop today"

Sure shes worth it anyway

Nevyn

If she settles better in the bed with you both then why not do that ?
As i breat fed I would take mine into the bed for the feeds during the night and they would usually fall alseep on my or in the crook of my arm.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-sleeping
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/index.html

If not what about moving the moses basket to either side of the bed if there is room,
you can get stands for them.

Lizzykins

4 kids and rarely a sleepless night in my house! What we did was easier if you are bottle feeding. You go to bed at 9pm and leave hubby to give last feed at 12 or 1 and then he goes to bed. When baby wakes at 4 am you have had hopefully 7 hours sleep. I'll second dim light and not much talk to baby when she wakes. Just change and feed quickly. Don't change after feeding or you'll disturb her. You go back to sleep. Hubby asleep from 1 ish so by the time he gets up at 8 he also has had 7 hours. Worked a dream.

Quality

My baby is 10 days old now, he is a great little sleeper during the day, 3 hours between feeds, Then at night time he wakes always around 2am and is unsettled for about 3 hours... He either wants to be nursing or in my arms, when I put him back in the moses basket he wants out and nursing again.. The OH has moved into the spare room!!:pac:

I have put the heating on timer to come on during the night thinking he might be cold.. I think it is the heat and comfort he wants..

As I am breastfeeding, I know I have to expect that he will wake during the night, So I just try and rest when the OH gets home from work in the early evening.

Hopefully things will settle soon for you, your baby is due a growth(feeding spurt) in his second week. He might settle more then for you..

marti101

Ah congrats Quality wot did you have and are you posting pics soon.

smelltheglove

Chunkylover wrote: »

It got better lastnight, just hope its not a one off, we were only up for about 3 hours and as usual, bang on 5 o'clock was back asleep
Shes sleeping in the basket in a cot, if you get me, at the foot of the bed
Im beginning to think that she just doesnt like sleeping on her back or finds the base of the basket to cold, if I put her on her tummy on my our bed she is asleep or peaceful within seconds, even faster when its on my chest and faster than that if shes on my gfs (uses the boob as a pillow)



Sure shes worth it anyway

I have 2 girls the second one slept like a log the first one though I don't know how I survived nd I was a single mother too with her. The only way she slept was as with your girlfriend on my chest, trust me a tried absolutely evrything possible. I won't tell you when it will stop because every child is different. Do try keeping the room dark, try a few different blankets and snuggle her up nice and warm and try your best to get her to sleep without your girlfriends chest, as if sahe gets into the habit it will be a very hard one to break. My little girl sl;ept with me or else had broken nights slepp for 2 yrs, as I was alone I didnt have the energy to combat her need to be with me but if both of you can work it together you should be able to get her into a routine within a couple of weeks. It is hard but trust me it will be worth it. It is a lot harder to teach a 2 /3 yr old to sleep in a bed than a 2 wk old.

I wish you a very nice nights sleep in the near future though and all the best with your lovely little angel.

Dfens

Chunkylover wrote: »

Im beginning to think that she just doesnt like sleeping on her back or finds the base of the basket to cold

Brings back memories of heating up the cot sheet with the hairdryer before putting No. 1 down, there was a period where she would be fast asleep in your arms & magically wake up as soon as she went down onto the cool cotsheet - the things we do.....:D

marti101

I know they are way to smart that is why hard as it is now you have to have some sort of routine.I breastfed at night go to bed at 8 give me an hour feed,change the baby.Go down at 9 be in bed at 10.Hed prob wake up at 4 but at least then you feel you are getting some sleep.During the night if he wakes could your partner get them back asleep sometimes they dont want food only comfort.

delly

It could be worse, you could have an 18 month old that still gets a night feed most nights

gcgirl

babyboom wrote: »

I have no advice except to say that I sympathise. I have 3 children and haven't had a full, uninterrupted night's sleep in 11 years! Hope it gets better for you soon.

+1 there
when you have kids you can kiss a goodnights sleep godbye!!

beth-lou

My recommendations for settling baby into a routine are swaddling for the first few weeks, never turn on the light, try to get a little night light which is very low if you have to turn it on, and try to comfort the baby in the basket as opposed to lifting. Although when breast feeding I did sleep beside her in the first few weeks. I know this is not recommended in some circles but she did develop a sleep pattern fairly early on.

Although all babies are different. For your gf's sanity, she should try to sleep when the baby does. It will get better.

lostinnappies

I must be very lucky ... have two (4 and 1 year old) both sleep from 7pm until 7.30am every night no waking (save for potty or if ill) and no feeding.

Nevyn

Mine always slept well other then when ill or feeding, by the time my youngest was 3 they both slept 12 hours a night.

Wantobe

One good thing to bear in mind with children is that there's always a change around the corner. When you think, oh hell, am I in for sleepless nights forever, remember they NEVER stay the same.

Always try to put them down awake, means they learn to go to sleep on their own, not on top of you. Otherwise when they wake up during the night they can't get back to sleep without you.

I found the 6 week mark to be a good guide to being able to build in a little routine too, before that you just have to go with the flow.

ps. it can be really annoying when other people boast about their kids who sleep through the night. One day I was in the doctors queuing to get a vaccination for my first baby and another woman asked me if she was sleeping through the night, when I said she wasn't she ssaid she'd had four children and they all slept through the night and then suggested I try formula to settle her at night. I was already a nervous wreck at the thought of the vaccination and came home a bit frazzled. My big brother rang me ( who has two kids of his own who were holy terrors and hardly slept at all) and told me that when anyone said that to him he used to reply: Well research has shown that when children don't sleep through the night it is a sign of early intelligence ( he's a neurologist and a big liar). Hell, it cheered me up anyway. I might not say it but I always think of that when someone says similar.

Nevyn

As far as I am concerned I worked at getting them into a good sleeping pattern,
from 5 montsh preggers when I ws going to sleep I would play a certain playlist of music which I also then would play during thier bed time routine and some of those trackes still get played now around 8:30 when they are getting read to be and they are currently 10 and 8.

IMHO Routine and the same signals are good kids from an early age, yes each one is different my son was a lot more of a wakeful baby my daugher can still sleep for ireland and will if tired asked to go to bed early, she as a baby always wanted to sleep face down bum up and have her back rubbed to sooth and send her off to sleep, I would find myself reaching out to the cot to rub her back half asleep where as my son prefered to have the side of his face rubbed.

It take a while but you get there, but far as I am concern flexible routine is the way to go.

littlebug

lostinnappies wrote: »

I must be very lucky ... have two (4 and 1 year old) both sleep from 7pm until 7.30am every night no waking (save for potty or if ill) and no feeding.

stop showing off:D:p

You really don't know when it's going to fall into place. They're all different and what works for one might not work for another. My first didn't sleep through a night til she was 3 and my second started sleeping through at about the same time, when he was about 7 months. Neither ever had a daytime sleep routine and neither ever went to sleep in their room/ cot during the day. We lived to tell the tale albeit with a few extra grey hairs.

Chunkylover

finally got a decent night last night, did the normal stuff but I swaddled her and put her in the cot, not the basket, only had to wake up to feed and change the bed (note to self, do not feed while sitting on the bed incase she spits up the whole bottle)

Maglight

lostinnappies wrote: »

You could try creating a more snug fit around the mosses basket by placing rolled up blankets either side of her under the sheet. This will give her a sensation of still being held. Then just place a hand gently on her chest so she can feel the warmth of your hand.... then all you have to do is wait. If she begins to cry its ok, she wont die or have an arm drop off. Allow her the time to settle on her own knowing that she is safe and warm.

Dont know if this will help.:)

Completely forgot that - swaddling is a great idea. Fold her up snugly in a cotton baby blanket. It seems to comfort very young babies. Works a treat.

babyboom

You can put all the routines in place you like but you cannot MAKE a child sleep. They have to be able to do that themselves. My children's inability to sleep through the night is not my fault, believe me I've tried everything there is to try, they are just not good sleepers, like me. I hate when people pat themselves on the back for something that is basically out of their control. I used to get it from my mother all the time, especially with my eldest who slept very little. "Leave her with me and I'll have her sorted". Didn't take her long to realise that all her wordly wisdom and years of parenting weren't going to work on my little darling. Most of us just muddle through I think and most of our kids turn out just fine in the end. As for the parents, well thats another story....

lostinnappies

Maglight wrote: »

Completely forgot that - swaddling is a great idea. Fold her up snugly in a cotton baby blanket. It seems to comfort very young babies. Works a treat.

thanks for that:p worked with my two

Latchy

Sometimes a spin in the car works .Combination of fresh air (i know it's cold now) and movement of car / engine can stimulate them into relaxing and sleeping .

littlebug

babyboom wrote: »

You can put all the routines in place you like but you cannot MAKE a child sleep. They have to be able to do that themselves. My children's inability to sleep through the night is not my fault, believe me I've tried everything there is to try, they are just not good sleepers, like me. I hate when people pat themselves on the back for something that is basically out of their control. I used to get it from my mother all the time, especially with my eldest who slept very little. "Leave her with me and I'll have her sorted". Didn't take her long to realise that all her wordly wisdom and years of parenting weren't going to work on my little darling. Most of us just muddle through I think and most of our kids turn out just fine in the end. As for the parents, well thats another story....

S'alright babyboom I feel your pain... i feel your pain
//pats babyboom on the back//

BostonB

Sleep whats that...:cool:

TargetWidow

Lets just remember we're all here to help. No-one needs to be critical of anyone else's methods or lack thereof.:rolleyes:

lostinnappies

TargetWidow wrote: »

Lets just remember we're all here to help. No-one needs to be critical of anyone else's methods or lack thereof.:rolleyes:

A voice of reason,

Just because some of these methods dont work for everyone doesnt mean they wont work for the OP. After all that is why the OP is here to get help.

Yes every child is different, some will always be more difficult, but if you found some weird way to get your child to sleep through the night .... wouldnt you have wanted someone to tell you about it?????

metrovelvet

The baby is less than 2 weeks old. He has had nine months of having everything catered to him and not having to do much but sleep, suckle and eat. He doesnt know night from day, or his new surroundings. Things will be rocky for a while. I wouldnt hold my breath for too long, but I remember someone recommending I put a tiny tiny amount of rice cereal in the bottle. Didnt work for my son, but apparantly it works for thousands of other babies.

TargetWidow

No critisism intended here but I personally wouldn't try the cereal in the bottle thing and this is why...
http://www.drgreene.com/21_861.html

metrovelvet

Yes TW it is good to be alerted to these things. Also OPs baby is only over a week old. I tried it once when my son was 3 months old and I was about to discover my native american name through sleep deprived induced hallucination. It didnt work that one time so I chalked it up to an old wives tale and didnt try it again, but people swear by it.

BostonB

metrovelvet wrote: »

....I was about to discover my native american name through sleep deprived induced hallucination. ...

LOL, I know what you mean.

beth-lou

Wantobe wrote: »

ps. it can be really annoying when other people boast about their kids who sleep through the night. One day I was in the doctors queuing to get a vaccination for my first baby and another woman asked me if she was sleeping through the night, when I said she wasn't she ssaid she'd had four children and they all slept through the night and then suggested I try formula to settle her at night. I was already a nervous wreck at the thought of the vaccination and came home a bit frazzled. My big brother rang me ( who has two kids of his own who were holy terrors and hardly slept at all) and told me that when anyone said that to him he used to reply: Well research has shown that when children don't sleep through the night it is a sign of early intelligence ( he's a neurologist and a big liar). Hell, it cheered me up anyway. I might not say it but I always think of that when someone says similar.

In fairness aren't people whose babies did sleep through the night from an early stage allowed to voice an opinion too? Aren't they allowed to share their experience to try to help the OP to possibly find out if what worked for them will work for the OP's baby.

And in the interest of a balanced thread, isn't it only right that the OP should also be made aware that some babies do fall into a routine and it's not all doom and gloom. As has been said, every baby is different and so are every parents methods and experiences. Those of us who have been lucky enough to have sleeping babies are only sharing their knowledge because it was asked for and in the hope of helping the OP, who is inexperienced. And also to balance out the negatives. It seems to be 50/50. It is not meant as an insult to those who had it harder.

Who knows, my next baby could be a screamer.

marti101

Ive been on both ends ds1 wasnt bad slept alnight from 3 months ds2 was an absolute terror cried constantly never slept now ds3 is complete opposite slept straight through from day 1.It is more to do with the child and the way they are than really what the parents do/dont do

SpiderPiglet

Have to agree with Marti101, all babies are different; some will fall into a routine easily, some will be all over the place. It's not that some parents worked out how to get the babies into a routine, it's entirely down to the baby.
My baby fell into his routine all by himself, I did nothing other than feed him when he was hungry. I certainly dont pat myself on the back because he sleeps through the night, I tell people how incredibly lucky I am.... I reckon my next will be an absolute terror who'll have me awake till they move out.