Who's the Dad

LegacyUser

Ok i'll start with the fact im pregnant. It could be one of 2 guy, if it was guy lets call him Guy A, i want to keep it, if the father happens to be Guy B, i dont want to keep it.

My question is, is there a way to find out who the father is? Im in the very early stages.

Thanks.

IRISH RAIL

Why should it make a difference its hoe YOU raise your kids that counts

drunkymonkey

whats wrong with guy B ?? is it that you dont want to be with him!?

it shouldnt matter which guy it from its still your baby, not trying to start an abortion arguement but it is wrong!

Marksie

You will require a sample of dna from yoursefl, one/other or both fathers as well as DNA from the child.

However, it is most common to have the child tested after birth to avoid any possible risks.

Any advice on tesing prior to birth would have to be taken in consultation with your doctor and the people who perform the testing as there are risks and at "early" stages I am unable to comment and would refrain from doing so.

Here is the FAQ questions on an irish based paternity testing company i found through google.
You will see you will have to go to your doctor in any event. That is the best only course of action for you

http://www.paternity.ie/FAQ%20Page.htm#What age

metrovelvet

I believe they now have swabs you can take from the mothers cheek to sample against the father's dna. Amnio is no longer the only option.

If you wait until amnio to decide however, that is done at 21 weeks into the pregnancy and you are looking at a late term abortion or an adoption if it is Guy B.

Marksie

metrovelvet wrote: »

I believe they now have swabs you can take from the mothers cheek to sample against the father's dna. Amnio is no longer the only option.

It is the child you need

The father and mother are most likely unrelated and are there to include or exclude STR bands as belonging to one or aniother parent and to determine probabilities. (apologies for being so technical).

If you look at the link under irish legislation it is a requirement for blood samples to avoid challenges, though yes, cheek swabs are possible from both adults at this stage and the baby when it is born

Trinity

I'd imagine if it can be done, not only is it pricey but dangerous to the baby, and would have to be done at a later stage into the pregnancy, ruling out abortion possibly. Also you need both the guys DNA or at least one so that means telling them they are possible fathers to be.

What about dates you were with these guys, close together?

I think unless you are married to Guy A or whatever one you want to keep it for, you really should make sure its what they want too. You may get a bit of a shock if you decide to keep it and the guy doesnt want anything to do with it, dont base your decision based on what you think a guy will do i,e love you forever and be with you. It doesnt always work out that way. Plus if he is your partner and you cheated with Guy B, well thats a hell of a secret to carry. I'm only guessing here and forgive me if i am wrong.

If you want a baby then have it, if not then dont.

I'm not judging you and i know you didnt ask for this advice. Just think you need to base a decision like this on more than DNA. I have seen people eaten alive by guilt. And others well tbh regretting not having one. I hope you have a bit of support either way OP from family or friends.

BCD

It's a pity you didn't think of that before you got into bed him then!

Clare Bear

BCD wrote: »

It's a pity you didn't think of that before you got into bed him then!

Wow that's helpful! :rolleyes:

If it turns out to be Guy B's child is it really that terrible?? Are you in a relationship with either of these guys? It's a tough one, it's going to come down to whether you want to have the child regardless of who the father is because you can't really know until/if you have the baby.

MagicMarker

Are you with either one of these guys?

No offence, i don't really have a problem with abortion, i'm pro choice. But it seems you don't care that you may have a baby, only who the father is.

You either want a baby or your don't. So, do you?

As for paternity tests, i don't know if you can do it at such an early stage.

Nevyn

BCD
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Nevyn

There is no way with in the first trimester ( which is the optimal time for a termination ) for you to test for paternity.

I suggest that you find out what your option are and get some counselling.

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/

Gareth37

not sure. wrote: »

Ok i'll start with the fact im pregnant. It could be one of 2 guy, if it was guy lets call him Guy A, i want to keep it,

What are you going to do with him/her if its the second man that you had sexual intercource with that led to the pregnancy?

Please don't say that you are going to kill him/her?

You do seem like a very selfish, soap obessed person.

Gareth37

MagicMarker wrote: »

Are you with either one of these guys?

No offence, i don't really have a problem with abortion, i'm pro choice. But it seems you don't care that you may have a baby, only who the father is.

You either want a baby or your don't. So, do you?

As for paternity tests, i don't know if you can do it at such an early stage.

She is so selfiah she is probably worried about the social consequences having a child with the second man she had intercourse with.

Shelli

Please please just do whatever is best for you, if neither of these guys would stick around would you have the baby?

I had a baby with the person I loved and now, 1.5 years later he's left me, so it really doesn't matter who the father is, it's what you want that matters.

Nevyn

Gareth37
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

metrovelvet

Marksie wrote: »

It is the child you need

The father and mother are most likely unrelated and are there to include or exclude STR bands as belonging to one or aniother parent and to determine probabilities. (apologies for being so technical).

If you look at the link under irish legislation it is a requirement for blood samples to avoid challenges, though yes, cheek swabs are possible from both adults at this stage and the baby when it is born

http://www.dnaplus.com/fetal_cell_prenatal_paternity_test.htm

Ooops my bad. They take a sample from the mother's blood while pregnant and match it with a dna sample [doesnt have to be blood] from the father.

The mother's blood carries feotal cells. The father's dna pumps through the mother's blood during the pregnancy.

metrovelvet

MagicMarker wrote: »

Are you with either one of these guys?

No offence, i don't really have a problem with abortion, i'm pro choice. But it seems you don't care that you may have a baby, only who the father is.

You either want a baby or your don't. So, do you?

As for paternity tests, i don't know if you can do it at such an early stage.

Magic marker, I am not pro choice and I make no bones about it, but let me remind you of how many men walk from their babies because of who the mother is.

For all we know, guy B is a married alcoholic wifebeater. And for all we know OP isnt consider abortion, she may be considering adoption.

MagicMarker

metrovelvet wrote: »

Magic marker, I am not pro choice and I make no bones about it, but let me remind you of how many men walk from their babies because of who the mother is.

And your point is?

metrovelvet wrote: »

For all we know, guy B is a married alcoholic wifebeater. And for all we know OP isnt consider abortion, she may be considering adoption.

Like i said in my initial post, either the OP wants the child, or she doesn't. I'm going to assume that since she would want the child if it were with guy A, then she does actually want a child in general. So choosing to terminate if it's with guy B seems like it would be a bad idea, and may have adverse effects after the fact.

Obviously, i think there's a lot more to the story. We don't know the circumstances, the men, or even how they would react.

To put it simply, if she wants the baby, she should have the baby.

metrovelvet

My point is that its not unheard of for one parent not to want the baby based on who the other parent is.

[Dont think I approve of this attitude, because I don't but I wouldn't be shocked at if I were you. There are plenty of women who have had abortions because the father isn't their husband and plenty of men who have walked on their kids because the mother isnt their wife, so dont spout out about how its all about just wanting the baby.]

MagicMarker

metrovelvet wrote: »

My point is that its not unheard of for one parent not to want the baby based on who the other parent is.

[Dont think I approve of this attitude, because I don't but I wouldn't be shocked at if I were you. There are plenty of women who have had abortions because the father isn't their husband and plenty of men who have walked on their kids because the mother isnt their wife, so dont spout out about how its all about just wanting the baby.]

Firstly, i've never encountered a man abandon a child he wanted because of who the mother was, normally they abandon the child because the child wasn't wanted. You seem to think otherwise, although i'm not sure what you're basing this on?

Secondly, I haven't spouted on about anything, i made one post and asked the OP a question, you pulled me up on it and i responded to you.

That's the discussion over as far as i'm concerned.

metrovelvet

MagicMarker wrote: »

Firstly, i've never encountered a man abandon a child he wanted because of who the mother was, normally they abandon the child because the child wasn't wanted. You seem to think otherwise, although i'm not sure what you're basing this on?

.

Thet will not want the child because of who the mother is, and the inverse goes for women too.

bondgirl

Did you sleep with guy b only once? The reason I'm asking is because you should be able to determine from your cycle when you ovulated and which one of them you slept with around that time.

metrovelvet

bondgirl wrote: »

Did you sleep with guy b only once? The reason I'm asking is because you should be able to determine from your cycle when you ovulated and which one of them you slept with around that time.

^ Not reliable.

Nevyn

jimd2 banned 1 month.

Marksie

metrovelvet wrote: »

http://www.dnaplus.com/fetal_cell_prenatal_paternity_test.htm

Ooops my bad. They take a sample from the mother's blood while pregnant and match it with a dna sample [doesnt have to be blood] from the father.

The mother's blood carries feotal cells. The father's dna pumps through the mother's blood during the pregnancy.

Gotcha ..things have improved a little the last time i was doing Testing .
Thanks for that

dudara

Posters - please leave the morality and abortion debate at the door. It has no place in this forum.

dudara

NoreenMF

The issue here is if YOU want the baby. Who the father is at the end of the day is of no consequence. You are the one who will bring up the child and be there for it every day of it's life. The child is YOUR child, which is growing inside of YOU, so YOU decide if you are going to keep it.

If you have conditions on keeping it if it because it belongs to one guy or the other, then my feeling would be that you don't really want the child at all.

You need to be able to give your child unconditional love or else you should get rid of it, for the childs sake.

Just my two cents Good Luck!

eveie

it doesnt sound as if you've put alot of thought into this.


At the end of the day you are pregnant, its not as clear cut as you make it out to be.
it doesnt sound as if your in a relationship with either of these men so what makes you think that "guy A" will want to stick around.

do not base your decision on who the father is, as many of you know i am pro-life but what im saying is, you either want the baby or you dont, dont let who donated the sperm become a decision factor because you will be basing your decision on the wrong factor.


you have a baby inside you........YOU either want to keep it or you dont.
if you keep it bacause you find out it is "guy A" that is the father, and you have the child, and then he says he doesnt want to be a part of that childs life, what do you do then? throw the child away.

Dave!

Since you are apparantly okay with opting for the abortion (and don't require the prospective father's input), I would suggest that you go for that now, and that's the dilemma over with! If you want a child with Mr. A in the future, then you can still do it. Neither of them need know about this.

Glowing

Dave! wrote: »

Since you are apparantly okay with opting for the abortion (and don't require the prospective father's input), I would suggest that you go for that now, and that's the dilemma over with! If you want a child with Mr. A in the future, then you can still do it. Neither of them need know about this.

I completely disagree with this. You're treating the abortion like a way to 'clean up the mess' only to start over again - she's said that she'd be open to keeping the child, so shouldn't she do this regardless of who the father is? A baby is a baby, it's not his or her fault who their father is.

It be different if she felt she wasn't able to provide for the child, but she's said that she would keep it ......

Dave!

That post is contrary to this:

dudara wrote: »

Posters - please leave the morality and abortion debate at the door. It has no place in this forum.

dudara

Evidentally the OP is open to the abortion option, so my post is perfectly helpful while yours is not.

iguana

NoreenMF wrote: »

The issue here is if YOU want the baby. Who the father is at the end of the day is of no consequence. You are the one who will bring up the child and be there for it every day of it's life. The child is YOUR child, which is growing inside of YOU, so YOU decide if you are going to keep it.

If you have conditions on keeping it if it because it belongs to one guy or the other, then my feeling would be that you don't really want the child at all.

Really? Lets put it this way, my husband and I are trying to have a baby. (2nd attempt following a miscarriage in Sept.) I really, really want a baby, I've wanted one for years, but we've been waiting until we could afford to live on one salary. And since my miscarriage I've been more desperate than ever to get pregnant. However if, for example, I was raped and found out I was pregnant that month I really, really don't think I'd want that baby.

Obviously that's an extreme example, but for all we know that is the situation the OP is in. And even if it's not, the thing is that as desperate I am for a baby, I don't want just any baby. I want a baby that is part me, part the man I'm sharing my life with. If it had ever turned out that he couldn't have children we would not be going to a sperm donor.

But perhaps I really don't want a baby either?

The Corinthian

All of this is speculation - why she would want to keep the child if A is the father and not if B is, or vice versa. There are various options she can take, each with pros and cons (including, presumably accuracy).

Personally, without any further information, I don't think it appropriate for us to advise her on things that we simply do not know are the case or not and it is better to simply stick to what she asked for.

Glowing wrote: »

It be different if she felt she wasn't able to provide for the child, but she's said that she would keep it ......

Maybe she can't, but if A is the father perhaps she can as he can get hit for a decent level of maintenance, while B can't.

I'm a little taken aback though that with all this moralizing over whether it is acceptable to keep a child or not based on the father, as no one has suggested that maybe the potential father may deserve a say in this - after all a child isn't just for Christmas or even nine months.

Ultimately, however, this is all speculation and the OP is only asking how best to identify the father, not consider the moral issues that follow this discovery. That's another discussion.

Karmaa

Firstly, I think the OP has done a runner as I have noticed she has not had any input since posting this thread!!



'My question is, is there a way to find out who the father is? Im in the very early stages.'

I'm slightly confuddled by this question, because and I apologise if I'm wrong in thinking this.....but I think we all know that there is a way of finding out who the biological parents are of any child!!

I agree with some of what has been said and at the end of the day you are willing to keep this child if the Dad is Dad (A).... What difference does it make who the father is, this is YOUR child and as one other has already stated, 'you will be the one raising this child' regardless who the father is!!
I hope you make the right decision for the sake of you, your child and your sanity.

iguana

Karmaa wrote: »

I'm slightly confuddled by this question, because and I apologise if I'm wrong in thinking this.....but I think we all know that there is a way of finding out who the biological parents are of any child!

I don't know how long it's been possible to tell the parentage of a fetus for, but I know I've only been aware that it's possible for the last 3 or 4 years. And that's only because I occasionally watch crappy tv. Why would everyone be aware of prenatal dna testing and what it entails. I had even been under the impression that it was not legal in Ireland. And if you had read the thread properly you'd have seen that the procedure itself has been advanced recently also. So it's a perfectly valid question.

Karmaa wrote: »

at the end of the day you are willing to keep this child if the Dad is Dad (A).... What difference does it make who the father is, this is YOUR child and as one other has already stated, 'you will be the one raising this child' regardless who the father is!!

Excellent! Next time I ovulate I'm going to shag as many men as possible to increase the odds of getting pregnant, for who cares who the father is.:rolleyes:

Most people who want a baby, don't just want a baby. They want to have a baby with a particular person. As this OP has stated that she does.

Motley Crue

not sure. wrote: »

Ok i'll start with the fact im pregnant. It could be one of 2 guy, if it was guy lets call him Guy A, i want to keep it, if the father happens to be Guy B, i dont want to keep it.

Ok, I have to be insensitive here, and ask why you didn't make sure that both you and your partner were wearing protection when you had intercourse? The fact that you identify both men as being somewhat known leads me to believe this wasn't just two weekends in a row out on the town that ended up in one night stands. Drunken behaviour or not I am forced to ask why, when engaging with more than one man in the space of 3 weeks, you made sure you both weren't protected.

If the condom slipped, or split, why weren't you on the pill?

If the pill failed why wasn't he wearing a condom?

If the pill failed, and you didn't know, why didn't you take the morning after pill when the condom split or slipped or if he didn't wear one?

If you knowingly had unprotected sex with two men why didn't you take the morning after pill?

You will have to wait until the baby is born to confirm a DNA test, sorry, but on the other hand you should not be sitting here trying to decide whether or not to keep a potential child just because you don't like the guy it could be

Karmaa

iguana wrote: »

I don't know how long it's been possible to tell the parentage of a fetus for, but I know I've only been aware that it's possible for the last 3 or 4 years. And that's only because I occasionally watch crappy tv. Why would everyone be aware of prenatal dna testing and what it entails. I had even been under the impression that it was not legal in Ireland. And if you had read the thread properly you'd have seen that the procedure itself has been advanced recently also. So it's a perfectly valid question.

Thanks for that and as I have already pre apologised encase I was wrong in thinking that, there will be no need to apologise again



Excellent! Next time I ovulate I'm going to shag as many men as possible to increase the odds of getting pregnant, for who cares who the father is.:rolleyes:

Please note, I did not state 'who cares' I basically said 'what difference' and not to any guy out there that she would have sex with, it was intended toward both Dad A and Dad B.



Most people who want a baby, don't just want a baby. They want to have a baby with a particular person. As this OP has stated that she does.
Well if she wanted a baby with Dad A she should've taken precaution when having sex with Dad B.

:rolleyes:

Bottle_of_Smoke

Hey OP, place in the UK here that can test between week 11-13 of your pregnancy.

http://www.thednaclinic.co.uk/srvc_prenatal.html

Hagar

not sure. wrote: »

if it was guy lets call him Guy A, i want to keep it, if the father happens to be Guy B, i dont want to keep it.

It'll still be the same baby though won't it?

kleefarr

Is guy B married by any chance?

iguana

Karmaa wrote: »

:rolleyes:

That's hardly constructive, is it? Nor am I sure what you are trying to say. I made two completely separate points. One about how lots of people aren't aware of prenatal dna testing, which is demonstrated fairly well by the last paragraph of the post below the one of mine that you quoted.

And the second which relates to my first post on this topic, two posts above yours.

iguana

Motley Crue wrote: »

If the condom slipped, or split, why weren't you on the pill?

If the pill failed why wasn't he wearing a condom?

If the pill failed, and you didn't know, why didn't you take the morning after pill when the condom split or slipped or if he didn't wear one?

If you knowingly had unprotected sex with two men why didn't you take the morning after pill?

Why is this any of your business? The OP asked for details on a medical procedure not judgment. There are lots of reasons for someone to be in her position, and she has every right to feel the way she does.

Motley Crue wrote: »

You will have to wait until the baby is born to confirm a DNA test, sorry,

If you had read the thread you would know that that is no longer the case. It is possible to test for the parentage of a fetus in the early stages of the 2nd trimester.

metrovelvet

OPs question is related to pre natal testing. She has been given two options:1 amnio or 2. blood sample taken from the mother after 13 weeks into the pregnancy.

Why dad A is better than dad B is anyone's guess at this point.

Do people want babies depending on who the other parent is? Yes sometimes.

Do people want the baby, not caring who the other parent is? Yes sometimes.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies, some more helpful than others. It is a complicated situation the facts behind it i would rather not talk about.

Once again thank you.

MagicMarker

iguana wrote: »

If you had read the thread you would know that that is no longer the case. It is possible to test for the parentage of a fetus in the early stages of the 2nd trimester.

Aren't you only allowed get an abortion in the first trimester? At least i thought that was the case.

metrovelvet

MagicMarker wrote: »

Aren't you only allowed get an abortion in the first trimester? At least i thought that was the case.

No.

estar

if you have the means to support the child, and have the ability
should it really matter who the father is?

what are the wider circumstances

Karmaa

iguana wrote: »

That's hardly constructive, is it? Nor am I sure what you are trying to say. I made two completely separate points. One about how lots of people aren't aware of prenatal dna testing, which is demonstrated fairly well by the last paragraph of the post below the one of mine that you quoted.

And the second which relates to my first post on this topic, two posts above yours.

I'm new to boards, not sure how the set up for multi quotes works, that smiley was not supposed to be there my apologies for that

Carrigart Exile

not sure. wrote: »

Ok i'll start with the fact im pregnant. It could be one of 2 guy, if it was guy lets call him Guy A, i want to keep it, if the father happens to be Guy B, i dont want to keep it.

My question is, is there a way to find out who the father is? Im in the very early stages.

Thanks.

OP can I ask did you set out to get yourself pregnant?

The Sweeper

There are a number of really obvious scenarios to me that would explain why the OP would only keep the foetus depending who the father is.

Let's pretend guy A is her long-term boyfriend. She wants to marry him. He wants to go on a break. They take a break. During this break, the OP has a one-night-stand with a friend who became more than a friend - guy B. Then guy A reappears and says "It's all become clear to me now, let's get married!" And then the OP realises she's pregnant.

That may sound familiar to some of the long-time readers of PI, because I believe exactly that scenario happened for a poster who posted a thread a few weeks ago. She was pregnant and wondering who the father was, and there was a big row about whether or not she should live a long-term lie, or tell the boyfriend returned that she'd had sex with someone else while they were on a break.

People make mistakes all of the time. Sounds like the OP is just trying to shore hers up.