Weight gain in partner

PurpleBerry

This is inspired by a thread in PI about a man whos girlfriend has put on weight. Are women as concerned with this issue as men seem to be? If your OH was putting on weight would you mention it to them? Would it bother you? Well, that probably depends on how much weight they put on, so how much would it take for it to bother you?

My OH complains that he's put on weight but I a) don't notice and b) don't mind. I only care from the angles of health and that he has an issue with it. If he told me tonight that he's happy and doesn't want to lose weight it wouldn't bother me.

Dudess

Depends on how much weight. If it were enough to turn me off him physically then yes, I would have a chat with him. But that's likely to be a considerable amount of weight.

A small bit extra on the gut - wouldn't bother me.

I was going out with a guy years ago who was seriously hot and I was intensely attracted to him... saw him recently and the weight had piled on. Would not fancy him one bit now.

Weight isn't an issue for me, I like all sorts.

I don't think I could be with a partner whereby my attraction to them was based on their looks.
I'd be disgusted if someone felt that way about me.
I need sparks.

Malari

Moonbaby wrote: »

Weight isn't an issue for me, I like all sorts.

I don't think I could be with a partner whereby my attraction to them was based on their looks.
I'd be disgusted if someone felt that way about me.
I need sparks.

I'm the opposite. I just would not be attracted to someone who was chubby. Having said that, my relationship is not based on looks, but it is a part of the attraction. We are fairly evenly matched I think, in that if either of us put on weight it would figure in the relationship but both of us would definitely do what we could to lose that weight too. We are both open about it, which is the most important thing.

MagicMarker

Moonbaby wrote: »

Weight isn't an issue for me, I like all sorts.

Dudess wrote: »

Depends on how much weight. If it were enough to turn me off him physically then yes, I would have a chat with him. But that's likely to be a considerable amount of weight.

A small bit extra on the gut - wouldn't bother me.

I was going out with a guy years ago who was seriously hot and I was intensely attracted to him... saw him recently and the weight had piled on. Would not fancy him one bit now.

I concur, however what's most important for me is that she were happy with herself. Like moonbaby, i like all sorts, but their own self confidence is just as important.

Galvasean

Well it all depends. If the girl in question was underweight to the point
t where I didn't find her physically attractive anymore I would actively encourage her to gain some weight. Ditto the opposite way around.
A bit of extra weight evenly spaced out doesn't bother me.

metaoblivia

If he put on weight to the point where it I didn't find him attractive anymore, to the point where I was no longer interested in sex, then yes it would be a problem. No one has the perfect body, especially as we age. But I do think it's very important to live a healthy lifestyle, and that includes regular exercise and a healthy diet.

Dudess

Yeah, considerable weight loss from a healthy weight wouldn't do it for me either.

Dragan

Personally i need to be physically attracted to someone to be with them. Don't see the point in saying otherwise.

With regard to mentioning any possible weight gain there are a multitude of factors to be taken into account.

When i am with someone it's aiming to be a long term thing. I don't go out with people for a few weeks and i don't go out with people unless i see it going somewhere. As such, you have certain responsibilities to each other and one of them is doing what you can to maintain your long term health.

Weight gain is a good indicator of stress, poor diet, poor excercise etc and all these will benefit you later in life, not just now.

It also annoys me when people do the whole "Love me for who i am, not what i am" thing. For me there are certain qualities that attract me to people and obviously vice versa. There is no point in ignoring those qualities and pretending you need to accept the other person for everything from that point on.

People change, sometimes it's for the good, sometimes it's for the bad. Just the way it is.

To me that kills relationships. People get tired, or lazy and stop putting in effort to all kinds of area's. Be it the intellectual, the spiritual or the emotional or physical things that attracted you to each other, you owe it to each other to explore those together, grow as people together etc etc.

Obviously the level of weight gain will differ between people when it comes to what they would or wouldn't mind but the simple fact is that if it's of a level and driven by things that are affecting your health then they need to be mentioned.

Edit : And before people start getting on my back i was on the receiving end of the "you've gotten too fat" conversation a few years ago. Did it hurt? Sure it did. Was she right? Yes she was.

HHmm that post in PI was in a different type of situation though, where the op was supposed to be marrying the lady.

I think you need to be physically attracted to more than just the dimensions of a person to marry them. You need a certain amount of blind animal attraction. We ain't none of us getting prettier.
If your going to become a family, you have to be prepared for the unconditional acceptance, that should come with it.

clicli

A few years ago I went out with someone who was very overweight, it didn't bother me at first as we had some amazing chemistry to start off with, but as he got more comfortable in our relantionship he ditched all the effort he had made to lose the excess weight, and slowly became more and more obese.

I won't lie and say it didn't effect the way I felt about him, and it was not the only reason I broke up with him, that would deserve a thread on its own, but it was one of the deciding factors in the break up.

I think the main problem for me with his weightgain was that he could clearly see what he was doing with himself, but would still go to the chipper and order enough food to feed a family, and eat it all by himself each night, not making any effort at all to change his ways. Like I said it wasn't the main reason for the break up but it did effect it.

Galvasean

Moonbaby wrote: »

. We ain't none of us getting prettier.

I am.

face is maturing to look less child like and I'm bulking up a bit so I'm less scrawny looking

seamus

It can also depend on the person. Some people look great when they're skinny/toned/fit, but can really balloon up badly when they put on any amount of excess weight.

Other people can carry it that bit better and still look good even with an extra 20lbs on them. I think this is particularly true of men, but that's only from my male perspective. Male attractiveness is not my forté :pac:

ChocolateSauce

I would tell my partner that she was becoming less attractive to me if she put on weight, and I know she would do the same for me. It might make us feel bad in the short term, but it is better than letting the problem go ignored until it is more serious.

Curlypinkie

Difficult.... beacue on the one hand, it shouldn't "just" be looks that I am attracted to.
Well, call me shallow but looks are very important to me. I look after myself and would never "let myself go" just because I'm in a relationship. And I wouldn't accept it in a partner.
I would really support him if he was to loose weight but if I was talking to deaf ears, in fairness.... I couldn't be bothered with someone undisciplined enough

Also, if he doesn't want to look his best for me, is that perhaps a lack of respect?

Pyr0

If I found myself becoming less attracted to my OH as she put on more and more weight, then yes I would mention it to her and I'm positive she'd say the same to me. I'm lucky enough in the sense that she's very weary of her weight and likes to eat healthy and stay in shape as much as possible. It shows determination and dedication with ones self, which in its own way is attractive to me.

Ya better not change !! :mad:

:pac:

GirlInterrupted

People are beautiful to those who love them, for whats on the inside as well as the outside. If I stopped feeling the warmth for someone because of a fairly minor change on the outside, my love would be fairly shallow to begin with.

But I do worry about people I love, so from a health aspect a serious weight gain or loss would concern me.

A minor gain or loss wouldn't affect how I feel about someone.

Cathkins

I'd be similar enough to sentiments of previous posters unless we're talking obesity or a health issue it wouldn't be a problem in my relationship cause it really is what's on the inside that counts with most people although thankfully my boyfriend and I are blessed with pretty good metabolisms so shouldn't be an issue I'll have to deal with

b3t4

I think to concentrate on your partners looks as one of the corner stones in your relationship will cause problems for the relationship down the line if the relationship is to turn into a lifetime relationship.

Everyone ages. As I get older my hair is going to get more greys in it, I'm going to gain more than a few wrinkles, if I get pregnant my body will strectch and reshape itself beyond what it was before hand, gravity will take hold of my boobs and I will more than likely gain some extra pounds. I need my partner to be right beside me telling me I'm damn fine even for all these changes.

If I was concidering staying with my partner for life and he couldn't get past my appearance then I would seriously question the longevity of the relationship. I will not be the age I am now forever. My partner needs to recognise that and understand that I will do my best to maintain my appearance but I will change and some of the changes aren't the most attractive changes in the world.

Sure appearance is important, hell, it's the reason him and I got together in the first place but it won't be the thing that keeps us together.

If you are no longer attracted to your partner then I seriously believe that you have fallen out of love with them and are simply pointing at their appearance as an excuse.

Personally: My partner has gained weight since I met him. Does it bother me? No Does it bother him? Yes but he isn't too fussed about it.

A.

metrovelvet

Call me superficial, but man breasts make me want to vomit.

Nuravictus

b3t4 wrote: »

I think to concentrate on your partners looks as one of the corner stones in your relationship will cause problems for the relationship down the line if the relationship is to turn into a lifetime relationship.

Everyone ages. As I get older my hair is going to get more greys in it, I'm going to gain more than a few wrinkles, if I get pregnant my body will strectch and reshape itself beyond what it was before hand, gravity will take hold of my boobs and I will more than likely gain some extra pounds. I need my partner to be right beside me telling me I'm damn fine even for all these changes.

If I was concidering staying with my partner for life and he couldn't get past my appearance then I would seriously question the longevity of the relationship. I will not be the age I am now forever. My partner needs to recognise that and understand that I will do my best to maintain my appearance but I will change and some of the changes aren't the most attractive changes in the world.

Sure appearance is important, hell, it's the reason him and I got together in the first place but it won't be the thing that keeps us together.

If you are no longer attracted to your partner then I seriously believe that you have fallen out of love with them and are simply pointing at their appearance as an excuse.

Personally: My partner has gained weight since I met him. Does it bother me? No Does it bother him? Yes but he isn't too fussed about it.

A.

But do you think its fair that he might not be worried sick about the woman of his life. That she is getting fat & all the related health issues that comes with it. Do you think if he lost the love of his life over weight he wouldnt be upset ?. Maybe telling you something that that would be so he could have you to love for longer.

peanuthead

Moonbaby wrote: »

Weight isn't an issue for me, I like all sorts.

I don't think I could be with a partner whereby my attraction to them was based on their looks.
I'd be disgusted if someone felt that way about me.
I need sparks.

Well for most people (and note how I didnt say all) your initial attraction to a member of the opposite (or same) sex is based on their looks. Exceptions are where you know them as a friend beforehand. But to be honest even in that case your initial perception of them as an other half is based on their looks. You decide to be their friend first because you don't fancy them. Am I right?

SarahSassy

This is something that is relatively close to my heart cos I have, in 2008, lost about 20 lbs throught WW and its ongoing... I had lost the bulk of it when I had met my BF in May and got somewhat comfy and lazy when I met him - everyone knows the early days - the dinners, drinks, nights in etc etc and I put up 6 lbs again. Im quite small so any weight shows on me immediately and I started to feel less confident, less attractive and I wanted to do something about it.

I told himself I was going back to WW and he made the obligatory protestations - 'you dont need to etc etc ' but I did it, I have lost the 6lbs and more and I am back to the girl he met... The point is that I now feel attractive again... It is not hard to lose weight, it is mind over matter literally and if I can do it anyone can.... I think the problem with the guy in PI was that she was continuously giving out about putting on weight and continues to do nothing about it. I would have a problem with this attitude too....

Its silly to say, that (dare I say) especially for men, looks / maintenance are more important for purposes of attraction and its well known that its easier for women to retain weight than men.. Have a look around the next time you are out and you will see the majority of girls have more weight on them than their partners... Women try to do the heavy drinking and they cant get away with it.. It adds weight to them and there are a huge number of over weight girls around... Its not healthy and it can have serious mental health / emotional issues....

I know I am off point here but people need to take personal responsibility, within a relationship for their appearance.. Its not good to let youself go and its not healthy....

peanuthead

peanuthead wrote: »

Well for most people (and note how I didnt say all) your initial attraction to a member of the opposite (or same) sex is based on their looks. Exceptions are where you know them as a friend beforehand. But to be honest even in that case your initial perception of them as an other half is based on their looks. You decide to be their friend first because you don't fancy them. Am I right?

I'm not suggesting it is based on non physical aspects.
You know practically nobody is ugly. I see physically attractive points in the look of most everyone.
It takes something more than window dressing to attract my attention. Something chemical that is just there, weather you want it to be or not.

Maybe I'm weird.

SarahSassy

SarahSassy wrote: »

I know I am off point here but people need to take personal responsibility, within a relationship for their appearance.. Its not good to let youself go and its not healthy....

I don't like smoking, drinking, stress, meat for the above reason.
I can see the reaction now if I started a thread in PI about wanting my OH to quit.So that he'll be around to keep me warm in my old old age.

Besides not everyone who is overweight is unhealthy, and vice versa.
If you eat too much you get fat, regardless of what you like to eat.
There is a difference between eating too much on a balanced diet, and living off of pure junk.
Some of the thinest people I know have the worst diets and level of fitness.

Nuravictus

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't like smoking, drinking, stress, meat for the above reason.
I can see the reaction now if I started a thread in PI about wanting my OH to quit.So that he'll be around to keep me warm in my old old age.

Besides not everyone who is overweight is unhealthy, and vice versa.
If you eat too much you get fat, regardless of what you like to eat.
There is a difference between eating too much on a balanced diet, and living off of pure junk.
Some of the thinest people I know have the worst diets and level of fitness.

Yea you are correct. If your skinny & dont work out you are 50% more likely to die younger than someone whos skinny & works out. Something like that, Stat is either 50% or 100% I can't really remember.

SarahSassy

I know what you mean Moonbaby but at the end of the day excess consumption of anything leads to becoming overweight and no matter how fit someone is, if they are overweight they are not healthy - they may be able to run 10 miles but they still run the risk of numerous other diseases....