Kissed my friends boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

This is really eating me up and I need some advice. I've been best friends with *Amy for the past five years. We met in college and clicked start away. She started going out with a guy called *James about 6 months ago and is really happy with him. She's in that initial loved up honeymoon phase where she talks about him all the time. He is a great guy and seems mad about her too.

I, on the otherhand have been single since a big, nasty break up last year which if truth be told, I'm still not fully over. I've kissed a few guys since but nothing has amounted to anything. I've been feeling a little lonely over the past few months and it's been ages since I kissed anybody. When we met for pints I always tell Amy how I'm feeling and how much I'd like to meet somebody and she used to be really supportive but since getting with James she hasn't been. I'll say something like...'I am really lonely, it'd be so nice to have someone to cuddle up too on these cold nights' and she'll say soemthing like..'Oh, it really is! Me and James cuddle up reading books in bed for hours, it's great having someone.

I think she is being really insensitive and it really bothers me how she's rubbing it in.
Anyway, last weekend we were all out in town and ended up back in a session. Amy fell asleep quite early on and myself, James and a few others stayed up drinking listening to music. Gradually people began to fade off and it was just me and James left up. We were both very drunk but were getting on so well. We were sitting on opposite sides of the table in the kitchen when he looked at me and said don't worry, you'll meet someone soon, any guy would be crazy not to want you. He went on to say how sexy he thinks I am and how he sometimes wishes he was with me and not Amy. Needless to say we started kissing and messing around. We moved things into the sitting room and were getting really into it. We stopped just short of having sex cause we thought we heard someone coming.

We got ourselves together and woke Amy up when the cab came. The whole time in teh cab we were giving each other knowing looks and the sexual energy was electric.

Now, my dilema is..what will I do?? We are crazy about each other but he's going out with Amy. I feel guilty on one hand but I also think we are meant for each other so that can't be bad.

Do I tell her what happened? Will I call him and ask him what's going on (I have his number).
Will Amy understand? I knwo what I have done is wrong but soemtimes sexual desire is uncontrollable. I really have fallen for him, the kissing and almost sex was the best feeling ever and I'm actually dreaming about him now. This is real and clearly what they have is not. He really likes me too, he wouldn't cheat otherwise.

Thanks

Sprouts

Oh my god, that poor girl. Disgraceful underhanded behavior if you ask me.

Gareth37

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Hi Guys,

This is really eating me up and I need some advice. I've been best friends with *Amy for the past five years. We met in college and clicked start away. She started going out with a guy called *James about 6 months ago and is really happy with him. She's in that initial loved up honeymoon phase where she talks about him all the time. He is a great guy and seems mad about her too.

I, on the otherhand have been single since a big, nasty break up last year which if truth be told, I'm still not fully over. I've kissed a few guys since but nothing has amounted to anything. I've been feeling a little lonely over the past few months and it's been ages since I kissed anybody. When we met for pints I always tell Amy how I'm feeling and how much I'd like to meet somebody and she used to be really supportive but since getting with James she hasn't been. I'll say something like...'I am really lonely, it'd be so nice to have someone to cuddle up too on these cold nights' and she'll say soemthing like..'Oh, it really is! Me and James cuddle up reading books in bed for hours, it's great having someone.

I think she is being really insensitive and it really bothers me how she's rubbing it in.
Anyway, last weekend we were all out in town and ended up back in a session. Amy fell asleep quite early on and myself, James and a few others stayed up drinking listening to music. Gradually people began to fade off and it was just me and James left up. We were both very drunk but were getting on so well. We were sitting on opposite sides of the table in the kitchen when he looked at me and said don't worry, you'll meet someone soon, any guy would be crazy not to want you. He went on to say how sexy he thinks I am and how he sometimes wishes he was with me and not Amy. Needless to say we started kissing and messing around. We moved things into the sitting room and were getting really into it. We stopped just short of having sex cause we thought we heard someone coming.

We got ourselves together and woke Amy up when the cab came. The whole time in teh cab we were giving each other knowing looks and the sexual energy was electric.

Now, my dilema is..what will I do?? We are crazy about each other but he's going out with Amy. I feel guilty on one hand but I also think we are meant for each other so that can't be bad.

Do I tell her what happened? Will I call him and ask him what's going on (I have his number).
Will Amy understand? I knwo what I have done is wrong but soemtimes sexual desire is uncontrollable. I really have fallen for him, the kissing and almost sex was the best feeling ever and I'm actually dreaming about him now. This is real and clearly what they have is not. He really likes me too, he wouldn't cheat otherwise.

Thanks

LOL

He is using you both. If you think you are the only one hes messing around with behind your "friend's" back then you are crazy :rolleyes:

Women are so naive :rolleyes:

SpookyDoll

Oh sour sour grapes.

So you saw what your friend had, you wanted a piece, you helped yourself. Of course the chemistry is electric, that goes with the territory.

Her "crime" was she failed to have endless patience to listen to your incessant self pity "oh poor me I have no boyfriend"

She had one, and instead of you being happy for her, no you couldnt -it had to be all about you. Does it occur to you that you were probably being repetative moaning about being lonely all the time -you were BORING her! She had to interrupt you to get the conversation back to her happiness, could you not just have let the girl have her moment in the sun?

True mates put up and shut up. If we see a mate happy, we plaster a smile on and laugh along with them, they deserve their happiness.

But no, you had to think of yourself, self pity and jealousy are what you are using to justify what you have done, oh the sweet thrill of the illicit kisses.

Sorry, your story is just so predictable.

It comes down to this, you are jealous and selfish.

Its too late to fix it now anyway, shes there in her mind in the Honeymoon phase but YOU just had to ruin it on her ......

The only advice I have for you is leave him alone and your "friend" too.

Wibbs

OK first off , he's not mad about her. He's not mad about you either. He's got the horn for you alright and you've got it for him.

You're involving your (broken) heart and the contents of your pants. Your head is not involved.

Think of this another way, would you be sensible to trust a man who tries to attempt the legover maneuver with another woman, while the woman he claims to love and is in a relationship with is conked out in another room? If the answers yes, you would need to ask questions of yourself.

OK you screwed up too. Drink is no excuse either. But we all screw up from time to time and it's happened so that's that. You do need to learn from this and see where that takes you.

IMHO it boils down to this; you feel lonely, horny, you're still smarting from the ex shenanigans and there is also a hint of envy in the relationship your friend has. This will make him more attractive when he gives you attention. This guy is the focus of that. Nothing more. You reckon the "spark" is there, but that's just a catchall for horny/lonely/frustration/hightened emotion.

This will not work out the way you think. You're in the tail end of rebound/frustration mode and as such is a recipe for disaster.

Wagon

You're a bit of a lousy mate and he's a lousy boyfriend. My advice is tell Amy. May as well, nothing can be worse then your best mate going behind your back to go and nearly shag your boyfriend. (The only reason you stopped short is because you heard someone coming so don't try and say "we didn't actually do it!") and she needs to know this. And no, she won't understand. She's hardly going to say "ah don't worry about it, he's only my boyfriend but i know your lonely". I find it really hard to sympathise with you because I don't see how anyone can. On the plus side, you'll gain a boyfriend who gets drunk and get's off with his girlfriends mates. Or you won't. The choice is yours.

Wibbs

SpookyDoll wrote: »

Oh sour sour grapes.

So you saw what your friend had, you wanted a piece, you helped yourself. Of course the chemistry is electric, that goes with the territory.

Her "crime" was she failed to have endless patience to listen to your incessant self pity "oh poor me I have no boyfriend"

She had and instead of you being happy for her, no you couldnt -it had to be all about you. Does it occur to you that you were probably being repetative moaning about being lonely all the time instead of being happy for your friend being loved up.

True mates put up and shut up. If we see a mate happy, we plaster a smile on and laugh along with them, they deserve their happiness.

But no, you had to think of yourself, self pity and jealousy are what you are using to justify what you have done, oh the sweet thrill of the illicit kisses.

Sorry, your story is just so predictable.

It comes down to this, you are jealous and selfish.

Its too late to fix it now anyway, shes there in her mind in the Honeymoon phase but YOU just had to ruin it on her ......

The only advice I have for you is leave him alone and your "friend" too.

Agreed, but sadly chances are she won't leave him alone. She'll self justify and back off until the "spark" rises again when the drink is in and the blood is up. Rinse and repeat.

cowzerp

Guiltykisses wrote: »

He really likes me too, he wouldn't cheat otherwise.

That brightened my day up, dont have to put on my billy connolly dvd now!

He's a lousy cheat and so are you, made for each other you might say, tell amy and hopefully she ditches the 2 of you's.

Colonel_McCoy

Some friend you are.............when things go pear shape he can walk away and you will lose a friend and possibly more as all your mutual friends will take her side.

Scumbag behaviour

LegacyUser

cowzerp wrote: »

That brightened my day up, dont have to put on my billy connolly dvd now!

He's a lousy cheat and so are you, made for each other you might say, tell amy and hopefully she ditches the 2 of you's.

Wow..I didn't expect to get such angry repsonses to be honest!

If anybody here can honestly say that they have never done anything they are not proud of or have never kissed someone they shouldn't have then they are lying!

Yes, what we did was wrong but we were both very drunk and like I said, I have been singlr for ages now and I am lonely at the moment. I don't think he's cheating on her with other girls either. The two of us get along really well and even when there's a gang of us in teh pub, me an dhim always end up laughing and chatting together. We are more suited then him and Amy. That's a fact. Another fact is that he chose her. I just need to knwo what to do now.

Also, saying she got bored of lisetening to me saying I'm lonely...that hardly makes her a very good friend either! It's not like it's all I talk about! She was rubbing it in my face about her wonderful boyfriend at a time when she knew I felt low. So, yes, if I'm being honest, that had a part to play in what I did.

Also, it was a kiss and from what I've seen there are VERY few men who wouldn't cheat when it's offered to them on a plate and they are drunk. VERY few men. Fact. Women tell themselves that there boyfriend is different and he wouldn't but I bet Amy would/will be shocked to hear that James cheated cause he's a typically 'nice' guy.

I may be naive for thinking he likes me but most people are naive in thinking there boyfriends are being faithful.

delly

Guiltykisses wrote: »

I'll say something like...'I am really lonely, it'd be so nice to have someone to cuddle up too on these cold nights' and she'll say something like..'Oh, it really is! Me and James cuddle up reading books in bed for hours, it's great having someone.

I think she is being really insensitive and it really bothers me how she's rubbing it in.

Well your friend is still on a high from the relationship, so its understandable that she might not consider some of her comments, but it sounds like your trying to ease your guilt a bit.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

I know what I have done is wrong but sometimes sexual desire is uncontrollable.

Thats just it, sexual desire, getting horny and wanting a good fuck, its a million miles from being in love with someone.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

He really likes me too, he wouldn't cheat otherwise.

Sorry, your wrong here. People cheat for lots of reasons. Some don't give a shit about there partners, some get drunk and use it as an excuse, while some just get horny and want to shoot there load. If you really think that cheating = liking you (in a relationship way), then i'm afraid your in for a hard leasson.

Best advice would be to let your friend go, she doesn't really need people like you in her life imho. I'd also fill her in on what you have done so that she doesn't waste any more time with the guy she's with.

ellebelle

Part of me thinks that your looking for someone to tell you that 'yeah its you he wants and not the other girl' and everything will be alright and maybe a little bit of sympathy too. Well you won't get either.

Plain and simple, step away. Your about to lose a good friend over a drunken snog and a silly delliusion that you are meant to be with this guy. Seriously how many times have we had lines spun to us by guys (it works both ways) with beer goggles on. I am not saying that your not any of these things but your actions were stupid and reckless and will hurt your friend more than you. You will feel guilt and hopefully a bucket load of regret but your friend will have trust issues with future boyfriends and friends for probably a long time.

Do not tell her what happened to lessen your guilt as thats selfish. Get the idea out of your head that its you he wants because truthfully its not. He seems like a 1st class Ass who really has little respect for your friend and remember this the next time your off in day dream about him. He is not worth it and you have stupidly given all of your other friends a reason not to trust you if they find out.

There is nothing you can do only grow up & stop being so selfish (we all get broken hearts & there is only so much bleating about being lonely that friends will put up with before you just come across as jealous) and cut all contact with that loser guy. With a bit of luck you'll learn your lesson and work on being happy by yourself for a while.

MagicMarker

Christ, I rolled my eyes at the first few paragraphs of your post OP seeing as were trying to defend your actions... ''I have no boyfriend, oh woe is me, WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!! blah blah blah, i need a man to validate my existence!!'' etc etc

Truth be told, you suck at friendship. You've betrayed your best friend because you hadn't got your hole in a while. You would have happily screwed the guy while your friend was sleeping in the next room were it not for someone coming.

You're a user, she's your best mate when she listening to you whine about your insecurities but when she finds happiness herself you have to destroy it.

If you have any inkling of feeling in you then you will tell her the truth. You owe her that much.

MzFusspot

Holy Moley- you broke up with someone last year and now, nearly a year later, you're still expecting people to be 'sensitive' to your situation and put up with constant 'I'm so lonely' whinging and getting pissed off with them for being happy? This Amy person must be some kind of saint if she's just changing the subject when you pipe up instead of avoiding you like the plague.

You should definitely tell her, she's being a good friend to you and needs to know that you're not at all doing the same for her.

'Crazy about each other' eh? Have you even spoken to him since it happened? Just because you can't stop thinking of a drunken kiss you had doesn't mean that there's the smallest prayer of a real relationship behind it, either James is completely morto over what he did and in cold sweats over what to tell his girlfriend/how to prevent you from spilling the beans to his girlfriend or he's the kind of scumbag who drunkenly rides his girlfriends best friend. Either way he's not sounding like any kind of catch

Zulu

Nice, you maon to your mates, and then knob their boyfriends!

I'm not sure what advice you want really.
No Amy won't understand.
But, yes, do tell her. At the very least she deserves not to have to put up with you anymore.
No he doesn't love you - but by all means ring him and keep meeting up, it'll satisify your ego at least.

Good luck with that.

MagicMarker

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Wow..I didn't expect to get such angry repsonses to be honest!

If anybody here can honestly say that they have never done anything they are not proud of or have never kissed someone they shouldn't have then they are lying!

*puts hand up* Never kissed anyone i shouldn't have, and i'm not lying. Shock horror!!!!

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Yes, what we did was wrong but we were both very drunk and like I said, I have been singlr for ages now and I am lonely at the moment. I don't think he's cheating on her with other girls either. The two of us get along really well and even when there's a gang of us in teh pub, me an dhim always end up laughing and chatting together. We are more suited then him and Amy. That's a fact. Another fact is that he chose her. I just need to knwo what to do now.

Awww, poor you, you're lonely. Well that's ok then.

Get. A. Fúcking. Grip.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Also, saying she got bored of lisetening to me saying I'm lonely...that hardly makes her a very good friend either! It's not like it's all I talk about! She was rubbing it in my face about her wonderful boyfriend at a time when she knew I felt low. So, yes, if I'm being honest, that had a part to play in what I did.

So it's all her fault then? :rolleyes:

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Also, it was a kiss and from what I've seen there are VERY few men who wouldn't cheat when it's offered to them on a plate and they are drunk. VERY few men. Fact. Women tell themselves that there boyfriend is different and he wouldn't but I bet Amy would/will be shocked to hear that James cheated cause he's a typically 'nice' guy.

So it's the man's fault that you're so completely self absorbed? Don't judge all men on the actions of one.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

I may be naive for thinking he likes me but most people are naive in thinking there boyfriends are being faithful.

Don't be such an idiot.

Colonel_McCoy

Dam right, nobody here is going to justify your actions. We all have break ups and we all had to deal with it but most people dont hook with their friends bf\gf. The more I watch this thread the more I realise you are one selfish person. Oh I am lonely that means I can be with anybody...................what do u think your "so called" friend would say to that excuse. If the shoe was on the other foot and your friend was with you bf and she used the lonely excuse would you say "Oh thats fine I understand". Yeah right!

You performed the ultimate act of betrayal.

Wibbs

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Wow..I didn't expect to get such angry repsonses to be honest!

Really? I honestly am surprised that you found that surprising.

If anybody here can honestly say that they have never done anything they are not proud of or have never kissed someone they shouldn't have then they are lying!

Of course. As I said, we all screw up, but our reasons for doing so, the lessons we learn from that and how we proceed is what marks out those who grow and those who don't.

Yes, what we did was wrong but we were both very drunk and like I said, I have been singlr for ages now and I am lonely at the moment. I don't think he's cheating on her with other girls either. The two of us get along really well and even when there's a gang of us in teh pub, me an dhim always end up laughing and chatting together.

Like I said in my post, these are examples of self justification. They are not based for the most part in reality, but what you want the reality to be. You're not thinking with your head. Your heart and genitals are doing your thinking.

We are more suited then him and Amy. That's a fact.

No that's an opinion based on your needs, not hers or indeed his.

Another fact is that he chose her.

Exactly and she chose him too. So what's your point? he chose her yet gets jiggy with her good friend. How is that even approaching an emotionally healthy decision.

I just need to knwo what to do now.

I can tell you, but I guarantee you won't or find some more self indulgent excuses.

Also, saying she got bored of lisetening to me saying I'm lonely...that hardly makes her a very good friend either! It's not like it's all I talk about! She was rubbing it in my face about her wonderful boyfriend at a time when she knew I felt low. So, yes, if I'm being honest, that had a part to play in what I did.

It's good that you admit that, but how can you hope to base a relationship on jealousy of her, getting your own back and infidelity? Answer? You can't.

Also, it was a kiss and from what I've seen there are VERY few men who wouldn't cheat when it's offered to them on a plate and they are drunk. VERY few men. Fact.

I can be a man whore of the highest order. Have to stick my hand up there and admit that. I have never and I mean never cheated on a girlfriend. Tempted yes, but never did it and never would. I know myself better than most so I can hand on heart say that.

Women tell themselves that there boyfriend is different and he wouldn't but I bet Amy would/will be shocked to hear that James cheated cause he's a typically 'nice' guy.

Eh of course she will/would. OK lets say you're right and that men are dogs. Cool, but what excuse do you have? It takes two to tango. You are pushing responsibility everywhere but at yourself. That is not a god plan. That will bite you in the arse down the line. Now that's a fact.

I may be naive for thinking he likes me but most people are naive in thinking there boyfriends are being faithful.

Naive? Maybe. I would say more self centered. Others may say selfish, but I don't entirely agree. You're swept up in a heightened state of emotions. Jealousy, hornyness, guilt, fear of discovery all of the above. Heady stuff and as an aforementioned man whore I know that if a guy has a mind to, getting a woman in such a heightened state quadruples the chances of legover. Straight from the horses mouth there. No charge.

I'm not attacking you by the way. I'm simply laying out my opinion of where this is going. I could write the script all the way to the closing credits.

paulusdu

So the general theme of your post is that you kissed your friends boyfriend and you say you feel a bit guilty over it. But you want her boyfriend, so you can’t be feeling that guilty.

two things come to mind,
1) you are a pretty lousy mate to have, you don’t show any real remorse towards your friend, in fact you say that part of what you did was to get back at your friend for not being very supportive.
2) you are lonely and feeling a bit desperate, so you have started to fantasise about this guy and how you should be together. I agree that you may not be over your big break up from your previous boy-friend, in fact from what you say about men in general i'll take a stab in the dark that something similar happened in your previous relationship, except you were "amy".

So having said that, if you and james are so destined to be together, why aren’t you ? why hasn’t he left her for you?

And if you do think that Amy deserves to know what happened, why are you doing it? to beg forgiveness? because she needs to know? because you want to make sure her and James finish? or to easy your own guilt (not that you seem to have much)?

I think you need to stay away from this guy, you need to sort yourself out after your last break-up before you start a snowball because it seems that you are having a few serious issues already.

but what do i know, im just a man with no morals who will take anything that’s put in front of me.

LegacyUser

You can justify it all you like. Yes - people do bad things a lot but guess what? You're one of those people know. Yes you're lonely but that doesn't excuse what you did to your friend.

So your friend was uber-sensitive to you being lonely. But you've been single for a year - maybe it's time to stop singing off the 'poor me' page and toughen up. I sincerely doubt she was intentionally rubbing it in your face. She's happy and loved up - people just want to share that when they're in it. So now you're trying to justify your behaviour and are using the fact that she was rubbing her happiness in your face to make it seem like it's ok to get off with her boyfriend while she's asleep at a party. Nice one.

Speaking from experience here (in that I was a guy in your friend's situation). Here's what'll happen - she'll find out. She will never forgive you. She may forgive him but he'll do it again and she'll dump him and be heartbroken.

You're not a good friend and you can't really argue it in anyway that says you are.

I've been lonely and alone and had friends who have very hot girlfriends that I get on with and (although I keep it to myself) sometimes fancy. But I would not get off with them. If you're get off with someone who has a girlfriend the lowest thing you can do is do it with one of your friends' boyfriends. Seriously. Time to grow up and start taking responsibility for your actions inside of feeling sorry for yourself and blaming drink and your friend for it.

MikeHoncho

Your jealous of your friend's happines because your miserable so you tried to sabotage her relationship so you could feel better. Nice work there. Who needs enemies.

SpookyDoll

Wow..I didn't expect to get such angry repsonses to be honest!

Didn't ya....well welcome to reality.

If anybody here can honestly say that they have never done anything they are not proud of or have never kissed someone they shouldn't have then they are lying!

Maybe its exactly because your story is so common that nearly everybody CAN say that they did it/thought about it/had it done to them that people here can give you such good advice, your story is far from unique or suprising.

We are more suited then him and Amy. That's a fact. Another fact is that he chose her.

If you are more suited together, why then did HE choose Amy?
And who thinks ye are more suited anyway? Let me guess a totally impartial observer......err...YOU ?

Also, saying she got bored of lisetening to me saying I'm lonely...that hardly makes her a very good friend either! It's not like it's all I talk about! She was rubbing it in my face about her wonderful boyfriend at a time when she knew I felt low. So, yes, if I'm being honest, that had a part to play in what I did.

Oh grow up, part of being an adult is learning to suffer in silence. The situation was about HER not you. Put your own selfish needs aside is what you should have done. Stop trying to garner pity saying she was "rubbing your face in it"...it wasn't about your face, it was about hers.

Also, it was a kiss and from what I've seen there are VERY few men who wouldn't cheat when it's offered to them on a plate and they are drunk. VERY few men. Fact.

So by your own admission you put it on a plate for him, and now you are trying to make out that ye are some sort of star crossed lovers. Your not, you are a cheap snog. Your contradicting yourself all over the place.

I may be naive for thinking he likes me but most people are naive in thinking there boyfriends are being faithful.

You are naive, beyond belief.

shellyboo

Guiltykisses wrote: »

We are more suited then him and Amy. That's a fact. Another fact is that he chose her.

You've answered your own question here. He's made his choice. They're not married, they've only been going out a short while... if he wanted to be with you, he would be.

Stop scamming on your "friend's" boyfriend, stop feeling sorry for yourself because you've been single for one whole year (:rolleyes:), cop on and realise that your friendship comes before getting laid.

star-pants

MagicMarker wrote: »

*puts hand up* Never kissed anyone i shouldn't have, and i'm not lying. Shock horror!!!!

SHock horror indeed *puts up hand* I too am one of those who's never kissed anyone I shouldn't have.

So basically your post is
"I'm sad and lonely
My friends all happy and 'rubbing her happiness in my face'
so we get drunk and I mess around with her boyfriend.

Help how do I get the guy? "

?? really? I would expect such a post to be 'omg i kissed my bestfriends boyfriend, I feel soooo bad, should I tell her and let her decide if I'm good enough to be her friend' etc etc

I've been sad and lonely, more than I ever want to be again, and granted it's stung a little to be around cute couples, but I would never EVER even consider something like that. I would hurt because I miss what they have. I would be envious perhaps, but not want to mess it up.
God forgive poor Amy for feeling happy in herself.

I'm never so bitchy in PI ever, but the tone of your post is just unreal, you want pity and advice for how to get your friends boyfriend.
'him and I are so much more suited' ??
And how you could trust him if he went after you whilst his gf was fast asleep.

I don't know...

delly

OP, judging from your response, all your looking for if some form of validation to what you have done.

Your living in a land of make believe, your tarring everybody else with your brush. The cheek of you to say that there are VERY few men who wouldn't cheat when its offered on a plate. Don't put us all into your gutter level of ethics.

missyb

I feel sorry for you, you think nothing of your friend and nothing of yourself and you use how little you think of men to justify your own stupidity. Infidelity does indeed happen but there are men who have never cheated and have no interest in doing so. Just because you are like that dont paint everyone else with the same brush. This guy could sense your desperation for a man and used it against you. He knew a few compliments and a few remarks running down your mate was enough to get you.Ive seen girls like yourself in action and as a woman I find it really embarassing and painful to watch. He is a prick and you seriously need to get some self respect. As for Amy, she needs a real friend and a boyfriend who is not a sleaze bag. You wallowed in self pity because you are single and couldnt cope with someone elses happiness, what a sad person you are.

Wagon

So you blame your friend, drink, her boyfriend, the male gender as a whole for your actions...

You're either an incredably stupid person or a really really intellegent houseplant that learned to type.

If you aren't a houseplant, then there goes my faith in most women. I'm not perfect by any measure, but I've never cheated on a partner. nor have I treated my friends badly. Many here can say the same thing.

I can also guess why your lonely as well. You're a bitch. Any decent man out there will see what you are and avoid you, I certainly wouldn't give you the steam off my piss if you were drowning of dehydration and I feel really really bad for your mate giving you friendship if this is how she's treated by you in return. You're a joke and if you want to meet someoen good and not lose friends, I suggest you grow the **** up.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

your response to everyone elses response would suggest to me that you are no more than 2 years old, but the fact that you can reach the keyboard would tell me otherwise, you have the emotionaly intelligence of a preteen, selfish and self centred

and the term used for a girl who "offers it on a plate" to her friends boyfriend starts with an s and ends with a t and rhymes with mut

Wibbs

Wagon(and others) this is another emotive subject but lets all take a chill pill, step down from our high horses and keep posts to helpful advice. If we don't then she will just continue on this path. Naturally. One catches more flies with honey than vinegar

fonpokno

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Wow..I didn't expect to get such angry repsonses to be honest!

Seriously? I am amazed at that.

Also, saying she got bored of lisetening to me saying I'm lonely...that hardly makes her a very good friend either! It's not like it's all I talk about! She was rubbing it in my face about her wonderful boyfriend at a time when she knew I felt low. So, yes, if I'm being honest, that had a part to play in what I did.

I have had far too many "friends" who have been just like you.

You can't stand anyone being happier than you are. Just because you're single and alone and miserable that was doesn't mean that everybody else has to be miserable with you.

Yeah sometimes being single sucks, it's happened to me, it's happened to everyone, but that never gives you a reason to get off with your friend's boyfriend. That is the ultimate betrayal. Nothing can justify that. I've had something along these lines happen to me (me being in your friend's place) and I can honestly tell you that I have never felt worse in my life.

Your best friend and your boyfriend are the two people in the world that you are meant to be able to trust unwaveringly. And you have both betrayed that trust. Have you any idea at all how hurt your friend will be?

Think of how alone and miserable you felt? Now multiply that pain and complete unmovable sadness by about a thousand and you may understand just how terribly you've hurt her.

Also, it was a kiss

You stopped just short of sex because you were going to be interrupted. That is not just a kiss. Stop deluding yourself.

and from what I've seen there are VERY few men who wouldn't cheat when it's offered to them on a plate and they are drunk. VERY few men. Fact. Women tell themselves that there boyfriend is different and he wouldn't but I bet Amy would/will be shocked to hear that James cheated cause he's a typically 'nice' guy.

most people are naive in thinking there boyfriends are being faithful.

Complete and utter bollocks. There are so many men out there that would never ever cheat on somebody they care about. You're clearly just hanging around with the wrong men.

I actually cannot believe that you are trying to justify anything that you have done and that makes me so angry. You got off with your friend's boyfriend because you essentially wanted to shut her up about being so happy. What kind of a "friend" does that?

Stop trying to make yourself feel better by saying that every man cheats and that this jackass fancies you. You need to tell Amy what the pair of you did so that she can get the hell away from both of you for her sake, not yours. 'Fess up and leave the poor girl alone. Nobody deserves that pain.


Cop on.


Edit: Sorry if that's too preachy Wibbs

LegacyUser

Wagon wrote: »

So you blame your friend, drink, her boyfriend, the male gender as a whole for your actions...

You're either an incredably stupid person or a really really intellegent houseplant that learned to type.

If you aren't a houseplant, then there goes my faith in most women. I'm not perfect by any measure, but I've never cheated on a partner. nor have I treated my friends badly. Many here can say the same thing.

I can also guess why your lonely as well. You're a bitch. Any decent man out there will see what you are and avoid you, I certainly wouldn't give you the steam off my piss if you were drowning of dehydration and I feel really really bad for your mate giving you friendship if this is how she's treated by you in return. You're a joke and if you want to meet someoen good and not lose friends, I suggest you grow the **** up.

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid. My intelligence level is of very little relevance anyway.

Ok, let me set a few things straight. I do feel bad about this. I am not proud of what I have done but I am honest enough to admit that I would like it to happen again. I truly believe that most people would cheat given alcohol and have a chance with a sexy girl/guy. It can be very hard to say no when in that situation.

There is no way that people on here haven't cheated. I have been cheated on in the past so I knwo how horrible it is but I think everyone's at it and I've lost all faith in love.

Do I tell her though? Well, if I did they'd break up obviously and I would of course like that but that is selfish. I admit that I am quite selfish lately. So, by that logic I won't tell her. What she doesn't knwo won't hurt her. I haven't seen him since but we have been texting. He is obviously not going to tell her either.

Once again, I do not feel good about doing this but at least I admit my failings unlike a lot of holier then thou people on here who act like they are living saints. People make mistakes.

She Devil

Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma
You just couldn't leave it alone could you?? Your friend was the happiest she has ever been, you got jealous because she wasnt paying attention to YOU, so you decided to nip it in the bud and prove that you could get her fella and make her world come crumbling down!
I shouldn't be commenting on this post because i absolutely despise two timers, but i just had to say, do that girl a favour and stop being "friends" with her. You don't deserve to be happy! I am shocked you actually expected people to say things you wanted to hear!
I do apologise in advance if this post offends you, but you did ask for it, i'm surprised at how angry you have made me feel. But maybe thats the point?

jdivision

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid. My intelligence level is of very little relevance anyway.

Ok, let me set a few things straight. I do feel bad about this. I am not proud of what I have done but I am honest enough to admit that I would like it to happen again. I truly believe that most people would cheat given alcohol and have a chance with a sexy girl/guy.

Such an ego. No wonder you were jealous your mate was happy. If you wanted to cuddle up to somebody why not try to meet somebody instead, or have a couple of one night stands?

Deedsie

I cant believe you have finished college. I though you were in leaving cert. A prestigious College for Gods sake. Cop onto yourself.

Wagon

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid. My intelligence level is of very little relevance anyway.

Doesn't matter what college you go to, you can read all the books in teh world and still be an idiot when it comes to real life expecience.

Ok, let me set a few things straight. I do feel bad about this. I am not proud of what I have done but I am honest enough to admit that I would like it to happen again. I truly believe that most people would cheat given alcohol and have a chance with a sexy girl/guy. It can be very hard to say no when in that situation.

True, but it's not impossable and I believe that your talking though your arse. Are you willing to sit there and say that regardless of how sound or loyal or in love a bloke is, he's going to turn into a sex fiend on the whiff of a barman's fart? Thank you for being open minded.

There is no way that people on here haven't cheated. I have been cheated on in the past so I knwo how horrible it is but I think everyone's at it and I've lost all faith in love.

I've been cheated on as well, twice by two different women. doesn't mean they're all like that though.

Do I tell her though? Well, if I did they'd break up obviously and I would of course like that but that is selfish. I admit that I am quite selfish lately. So, by that logic I won't tell her. What she doesn't knwo won't hurt her. I haven't seen him since but we have been texting. He is obviously not going to tell her either.

See this is the thing, you admit your selfish. and you are posotive that your man won't tell his girlfriend about this. Are you actually willing to want someone like that in a relationship?

Once again, I do not feel good about doing this but at least I admit my failings unlike a lot of holier then thou people on here who act like they are living saints. People make mistakes.

It's not holier than thou love, it's just that a lot of blokes on here find it really offensive (including me) that your willing to throw us all into the same catagory of cheats and liars. People do make mistakes, but it's the way your blaming other people for your actions and trying to justify your actions by going so far as to blame it partially on your friend that makes me sick. Genuine question but how old are you and this bloke?

Puddleduck

Ok guiltykisses. Im going to respond to this even though your attitude makes me feel both sick and angry. Im not even sure this is real, how can anyone be so callous to someone they care about??

Amy is your friend, as her friend you should tell her what happened, you can make whatever excuses you like to ease your guilt or paint yourself in a better light. At the end of the day she will make whatever desicion she chooses to. I would also reccomend that you cease being this girls friend. If you can't stand Amy being happy in the future then you are better off apart.

Tell me, when you were cheated on, did it feel good? Did you feel like if it happened and someone had told you sooner you could have handled it better? You say because you were cheated on you have no faith in realationship, that is your own buisness, but its not up to you to go around proving that realationships dont work. I can honestly say I know many many people that wouldnt cheat on their partner. I am one of them.
You are making excuses to yourself to make yourself feel better and to justify you wanting this guy. Its not fair on your friend, and deep down I hope you know that.

Good luck with whatever you do, and who knows, maybe you and him could wind up together, but you wont if he stays with Amy.

Wibbs

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid. My intelligence level is of very little relevance anyway.

I don;t doubt it, but emotional intelligence is another area entirely. Some of the very cleverest people I know don't have it or have very little.

Ok, let me set a few things straight. I do feel bad about this.

OK.

I am not proud of what I have done but I am honest enough to admit that I would like it to happen again.

Then why exactly do yu feel bad?

I truly believe that most people would cheat given alcohol and have a chance with a sexy girl/guy. It can be very hard to say no when in that situation.

There is no way that people on here haven't cheated. I have been cheated on in the past so I knwo how horrible it is but I think everyone's at it

That's your worldview and you are entitled to it, but it's not the most accurate worldview. Yes some cheat and most think of cheating, but it's lower than you suppose. Of my friends male and female, the vast majority haven't and those that have, in all cases but one didn't take it further. It's also just the same excuse you are reaching for to justify your actions. You know it's wrong and you also know it's wrong for you.

and I've lost all faith in love.

That's the nub of it I reckon. That and faith in yourself. I just wonder what brought you to this worldview.

Do I tell her though? Well, if I did they'd break up obviously and I would of course like that but that is selfish. I admit that I am quite selfish lately. So, by that logic I won't tell her. What she doesn't knwo won't hurt her. I haven't seen him since but we have been texting. He is obviously not going to tell her either.

I will tell you this much. This will bite you and bite you badly. You are going down an emotional path that will further damage your self esteem and standing among others.

Once again, I do not feel good about doing this but at least I admit my failings unlike a lot of holier then thou people on here who act like they are living saints. People make mistakes.

Yes they do, but if they're emotionally balanced and emotionally healthy they learn from them.

LegacyUser

He's a twat hun, trying to feel like a big lad with all the girls in love with him, he's an arse and you know that, & should no better

This is really eating me up and I need some advice. I've been best friends with *Amy for the past five years. We met in college and clicked start away. She started going out with a guy called *James about 6 months ago and is really happy with him. She's in that initial loved up honeymoon phase where she talks about him all the time. He is a great guy and seems mad about her too.

I, on the otherhand have been single since a big, nasty break up last year which if truth be told, I'm still not fully over. I've kissed a few guys since but nothing has amounted to anything. I've been feeling a little lonely over the past few months and it's been ages since I kissed anybody. When we met for pints I always tell Amy how I'm feeling and how much I'd like to meet somebody and she used to be really supportive but since getting with James she hasn't been. I'll say something like...'I am really lonely, it'd be so nice to have someone to cuddle up too on these cold nights' and she'll say soemthing like..'Oh, it really is! Me and James cuddle up reading books in bed for hours, it's great having someone.

I think she is being really insensitive and it really bothers me how she's rubbing it in.
Anyway, last weekend we were all out in town and ended up back in a session. Amy fell asleep quite early on and myself, James and a few others stayed up drinking listening to music. Gradually people began to fade off and it was just me and James left up. We were both very drunk but were getting on so well. We were sitting on opposite sides of the table in the kitchen when he looked at me and said don't worry, you'll meet someone soon, any guy would be crazy not to want you. He went on to say how sexy he thinks I am and how he sometimes wishes he was with me and not Amy. Needless to say we started kissing and messing around. We moved things into the sitting room and were getting really into it. We stopped just short of having sex cause we thought we heard someone coming.

We got ourselves together and woke Amy up when the cab came. The whole time in teh cab we were giving each other knowing looks and the sexual energy was electric.

Now, my dilema is..what will I do?? We are crazy about each other but he's going out with Amy. I feel guilty on one hand but I also think we are meant for each other so that can't be bad.

Do I tell her what happened? Will I call him and ask him what's going on (I have his number).
Will Amy understand? I knwo what I have done is wrong but soemtimes sexual desire is uncontrollable. I really have fallen for him, the kissing and almost sex was the best feeling ever and I'm actually dreaming about him now. This is real and clearly what they have is not. He really likes me too, he wouldn't cheat otherwise.

Thanks[/QUOTE]

Storm_rages

Hi Op,

Ok no point in lecturing.. i agree with everyone else.

but you have asked for advice so i will give some to you. He is not the answer to your prayers. You relationship would never work with him because you will not ever be able to trust him.

Do you tell your "friend"? Hard to say. If she finds out a different way she will hate you even more (but i don't really think you care about her at all). So i think you need to cut contact with her.

People do cheat, but this is about you? are you the kinda person who would do this to a friend, and if that is the case do you think you will have many friends.

You will get hurt over this, and your friend will get very hurt over this.

Don't answer his text, its never too late to do the right thing.

axer

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid.

Academic intelligence is different to general intelligence plus it doesn't take a genius to go to college.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

My intelligence level is of very little relevance anyway.

Stupid is as stupid does my mah used to say.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Ok, let me set a few things straight. I do feel bad about this. I am not proud of what I have done but I am honest enough to admit that I would like it to happen again. I truly believe that most people would cheat given alcohol and have a chance with a sexy girl/guy. It can be very hard to say no when in that situation.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

There is no way that people on here haven't cheated. I have been cheated on in the past so I knwo how horrible it is but I think everyone's at it and I've lost all faith in love.

I can honestly say I wouldn't. Opportunites have arisen but I am not that selfish - i actually can control my actions Shock! Horror!

You know what the pain of being cheated on is like and yet you do it to a "friend". That actually makes you worse than the regular cheat.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Do I tell her though? Well, if I did they'd break up obviously and I would of course like that but that is selfish.

Tell her. Leaving her with a cheating boyfriend (who will more than likely cheat on her again) and a cheating friend (who thinks of no one but herself) is not fair on her since she did nothing wrong.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

I admit that I am quite selfish lately. So, by that logic I won't tell her.

By that logic you realise that you are selfish and try to correct your selfishness - it doesn't justify continuing to be selfish.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

What she doesn't knwo won't hurt her. I haven't seen him since but we have been texting. He is obviously not going to tell her either.

It will hurt her even more after wasting another year of her life with a cheating boyfriend because she will eventually figure out he is an a$$hole in time - better for her to know now.

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Once again, I do not feel good about doing this but at least I admit my failings unlike a lot of holier then thou people on here who act like they are living saints. People make mistakes.

It is fine that people make mistakes - its what you do to rectify the mistakes that counts.

Wibbs

Puddleduck wrote: »

maybe you and him could wind up together,.

Oh they will for a while, but it'll go south with a bang and sadly the OP will be in a worse emotional place because of it.

MagicMarker

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid. My intelligence level is of very little relevance anyway.

Ok, let me set a few things straight. I do feel bad about this. I am not proud of what I have done but I am honest enough to admit that I would like it to happen again. I truly believe that most people would cheat given alcohol and have a chance with a sexy girl/guy. It can be very hard to say no when in that situation.

There is no way that people on here haven't cheated. I have been cheated on in the past so I knwo how horrible it is but I think everyone's at it and I've lost all faith in love.

Do I tell her though? Well, if I did they'd break up obviously and I would of course like that but that is selfish. I admit that I am quite selfish lately. So, by that logic I won't tell her. What she doesn't knwo won't hurt her. I haven't seen him since but we have been texting. He is obviously not going to tell her either.

Once again, I do not feel good about doing this but at least I admit my failings unlike a lot of holier then thou people on here who act like they are living saints. People make mistakes.

I suggest you have a look at poll results in this thread. It kind of puts to sleep your notions that all men cheat.

There are many things we are challenged with throughout our lives. How we live and learn determines our own character and moral beliefs. You have been cheated on in the past, but instead of trying to move on with your life, you determined that the big bad world owes you one. So instead of being the better person and treating your friends with the level of respect you would have liked to receive yourself, you say ''fúck it, I was hurt, so everyone else can hurt too, why should i be the only one?''

This is where you have failed big time. You know first hand how much it hurts, but you willingly did the exact same thing to your best friend, i could never imagine doing that to a friend, ever!

I feel sorry for you more than anything, but no as sorry as i am for your friend.

fonpokno

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid. My intelligence level is of very little relevance anyway.

Where you went to college has absolutely nothing to do with this! Many people can be academically genius but have no sense when it comes to relationships whatsoever.

There is no way that people on here haven't cheated. I have been cheated on in the past so I knwo how horrible it is but I think everyone's at it and I've lost all faith in love.

Then why oh why have you done it yourself. You know how horrible it is, you know how much it hurts and yet you've done it to somebody else, and worse still somebody who thinks of you as a friend.

Do I tell her though? Well, if I did they'd break up obviously and I would of course like that but that is selfish. I admit that I am quite selfish lately. So, by that logic I won't tell her. What she doesn't knwo won't hurt her. I haven't seen him since but we have been texting. He is obviously not going to tell her either.

I think you're being selfish not telling her. I think it's completely unfair on her that she should go about her daily business thinking that her boyfriend loves her and that you care about her. I think it's unfair that the pair of you are still in touch behind her back and she hasn't a clue.

You need to tell her. Imagine you don't tell her now and she finds out in a month or a year. If you tell her now, she'll feel foolish and humiliated and angry and likely cut you both off. If she finds out later on the humiliation will be a million times worse because she'll have been messed around for god knows how long and will probably suspect that the pair of you kept at it behind her back until she found out.

You need to step up and tell her. If you and the boyfriend choose to start something up if Amy and him finish then that's you're decision. It'll hurt amy an awful lot yes but it'd hurt more if ye continue cheating.

Puddleduck

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh they will for a while, but it'll go south with a bang and sadly the OP will be in a worse emotional place because of it.

Yes, I agree, but at the end of the day if its what she wants she will go for it anyway, when it bites her in the ass, and it will, she may learn a valuable lesson that might make her a better person.

Karmaa

Who do you value more, him or your friend?
I know who I would choose, she may have been a tad insensitive to you and your feelings, but as you said she was still in the 'honeymoon phase' and probably wasn't thinking straight.
Stay well away from him is what I would do...I hope you think about this and choose carefully

MagicMarker

Out of curiosity, where exactly do you want to go from here?

If you don't tell her then what? You'll continue listening to her smitten talk about the guy you want to fúck? Will you start an affair?

Seeing as you don't sound like the most empathetic person, you'll probably listen to her swoon over the guy for another week or two, then you'll crack under the pressure, won't be able to hear it anymore and gleefully give her the good news that you almost slept with her man, and that he's your man now.

You're entering dangerous territory.

COH

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid.

Don't you mean 'graduated'! You maybe far from stupid, but not that far! Thats clear from pretty much everything you say. You seem to just be a terrible friend, and a lousy person. How anyone could do that to their friend is beyond me, let alone trying to justfiy it in any way.

I suspect that when this all comes out (which these things invariably do) you'll find yourself a lot more lonely than before as not only will you still have no boyfriend, but you'll be without a best friend as well.

Sad really

unhappycamper

Op, we all make mistakes. It is how you deal with them is the most important thing. Firstly, you have done something which will upset someone for many months after and effect her trust with you and others forever. Own up to the situation now. There is no point justifying yourself. You haven't a leg to stand on. Just tell your friend what occurred on the night and tell her you are sorry and expect her to never talk to you again. If she does then you are very lucky.

Same thing happened to my mate and because his mate didn't tell him straight away they will never be friends again, he wants to rip the guys head off.

I was with my best mate's x and felt so guilty I vomited on the floor. I called him first thing the next day and all was forgiven. I have spent the last few years building back up trust and showing my respect for him so I regret it all the same.

metrovelvet

You need to examine why you feel so bad about yourself that you needed to step on someone else's turf, and turf that cheats too!

Don't you want something better?

You are headed for pain.

Amazotheamazing

Ok, no point laying the guilt trip on the OP, we've all made mistakes, maybe not in this area, but anyhow.

Do you really think you and James could have a relationship based on this? Imo, you find James attractive because you're lonely, he makes you feel good, you get on and he pays you attention. Those traits are probably shared by thousands of available guys in Dublin alone. James isn't the be-all and end-all. Find a different guy to start a proper healthy relationship with.

As for your relationship with Amy, eventually when you find someone who makes you feel good about yourself, you're going to realise just how much hurt you could have caused her.

If you take the alternative, ie, pursue James, you know it's going to end badly and you'll still be without a proper relationship or your friends, who in all likelihood, will side with Amy.

I don't see any scenario where you pursue James and end up happier than you are now, could you really trust someone who would cheat on their girlfriend while she's still in the same house, let alone cheat at all?

GeorgeCostanza

Guiltykisses wrote: »

Well having graduating from a very prestigous college, I am far from stupid. My intelligence level is of very little relevance anyway.

Good God, does that mean you're actually in your twenties?? You're an adult??

I assumed from your posts that you are a silly teenager; you really need to grow up ....