Getting engaged, what to do?

LegacyUser

Hey all,
I m planning on purposing to my girlfriend of 5 years but really don't know how much to spend on a ring or where to do it.

Do girls really care how much the ring is worth?
I had said 3-4,000 in passing in work but one girl almost laughed saying at least 7,000.

We re going away to a 5 star in December so I was going to do it then but again should I do something extravagant??

Just want to make it memorial.

Oh and if anyone has any tips on what not to do it would be great : )

Acoshla

Engaged08 wrote: »

Do girls really care how much the ring is worth?
I had said 3-4,000 in passing in work but one girl almost laughed saying at least 7,000

I don't have any advice on how to propose but I just want to say ignore that girl saying at least 7,000, I personally think 3-4,000 is plenty to get a beautiful ring, the cost shouldn't matter as long as you get a ring that your girlfriend will love, whether you pick it or if you want to wait and you both pick it together.

Good Luck with it anyways, 5 star hotel sounds like a lovely time to do it

SarahSassy

It sounds lovely and she will be so chuffed that you have put so much thought into it...

I heard of a guy who bought her a wedding ring to propose with and then they could go together (which is great fun) to choose the engagement ring... While its the gesture thats important, most girls like to have an input into something they have to wear every day for the rest of their lives

Alternatively, as an alternative to the 5 star hotel, you could surprise her and organise a surprise trip to Antwerp and buy the ring over there.... You could pretend you are bringing her for an Xmas present over the see the Xmas markets and surprise her over there... Also a 4k ring over there would probably cost 7k here...

A friend recently got engaged and was sorry that they called friends and family immediately cos they ended up spending their evening on the phone.... So either do it early in the day or wait til the day after to tell everyone... Its a very special evening but should be mainly for the 2 of you....

Enjoy

Firetrap

How about just asking her to marry you without having THE RING? I know it's romantic to produce the box with the ring in it but it's not a pre-requisite. I think it would be much nicer for your girlfriend and you to go shopping together for a ring that she'll like (you can pray fervently and silently that she doesn't go for the €7,000 one ).

Toots

3-4k is plenty to be spending on the ring!! Try having a look in the Weddings & Marriage Forum, there's a good few threads on this subject here with good advice and suggestions! Best of luck!!!!:D

IanCurtis

Sounds like you're really close in that you're asking complete strangers about your partner's ideas about explicit wealth and how not to squander money :rolleyes:

My advice is to take a pre-marriage course, seriously.

Curvy Vixen

Spend a tenner on a big sparkler from somewhere like Accesorize and put it in a box and propose with that. Then you can choose the ring together.

When we got mine I wanted to put a limit on the price but my fiance said no lets just see what suits and that worked really well and I found out afterwards that we spent less than he had decided in his head.

SarahSassy

IanCurtis wrote: »

Sounds like you're really close in that you're asking complete strangers about your partner's ideas about explicit wealth and how not to squander money :rolleyes:

My advice is to take a pre-marriage course, seriously.

Pathetic and true to form another useless post.

PurpleBerry

IanCurtis wrote: »

Sounds like you're really close in that you're asking complete strangers about your partner's ideas about explicit wealth and how not to squander money :rolleyes:

My advice is to take a pre-marriage course, seriously.

I also disagree with Ian Curtis. The vast majority of people ask for advice before proposing.

OP, it's entirely up to you how much you spend on a ring. When my OH proposed he didn't have any ring. A few days later we went out to buy one and just got a €20 one from Clerys.

Maybe you could just get a cheap ring to propose with and then the two of you can go ring-shopping later for the real thing. I'm sure she'd like that as it means she can pick out the style she wants. After all, it'll be her wearing the ring.

Best of luck.

IanCurtis

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

I have 14k's worth of rings on my hand now

That's quite sad, considering the poverty in the world. Imagine what you could do with that much money.

IanCurtis

SarahSassy wrote: »

Pathetic and true to form another useless post.

Reported

Wibbs

IanCurtis if you don't have something useful to add then please go elsewhere or you will be banned. You are fully aware of the difference too. This is your one and only warning on this. Sarahsassy leave moderation to the mods please

She Devil

Ah stop being a kill joy, of course he wants all the advice he can get to make it perfect and from womens perspective!!!!
Good on you i say, BTW Op i saw the most perfect ring recently and it was only 500euro so i wouldnt worry about the price!!
My advice re getting engaged, make it as personal as possible!

(The Killjoy comment was for Ian Curtis - Sorry if there was a mix up)

Curvy Vixen

IanCurtis wrote: »

That's quite sad, considering the poverty in the world. Imagine what you could do with that much money.

Yep, just imagine.

The point I was making which I think you accidentally missed is that the money doesn't matter. I wore the 10 quid ring with as much love at the time as the 'real' rings. And in one sense it meant more as he had chosen it to propose with... hence the advice I gave to the OP.

SarahSassy

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

Yep, just imagine.

The point I was making which I think you accidentally missed is that the money doesn't matter. I wore the 10 quid ring with as much love at the time as the 'real' rings. And in one sense it meant more as he had chosen it to propose with... hence the advice I gave to the OP.

Dont mind him / her.. Its done for a reaction.. You will get a little message in your inbox now with some infantile commentary...

Money doesnt matter - so correct and OP she will be delighted no matter what you do as long as its genuine.

IanCurtis

She Devil wrote: »

Ah stop being a kill joy, of course he wants all the advice he can get to make it perfect and from womens perspective!!!!
Good on you i say, BTW Op i saw the most perfect ring recently and it was only 500euro so i wouldnt worry about the price!!
My advice re getting engaged, make it as personal as possible!

Lovely. About time some sense was shown. The ring should be beautiful, not expensive.

Jewellers will charge what they like, so the price is irrelevant, only the ring itself. A ring in one jewellers could be ten times the price in another. It's what's known as a Geffen Good - the higher the price, the more desirable, like a Lamborghini. Contradicts nearly all economic supply-and-demand theory...fact


PS - Please spare a thought for the people who mine these diamonds:
http://www.laborradio.org/node/1235
http://www.professionaljeweler.com/archives/news/2006/041006story.html
http://www.num.org.za/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=242&Itemid=92
http://www.thomasgenweb.com/diamond_mine_1914_accident.html
http://www.icem.org/en/25-Sub-Saharan-Africa/1900-Namibian-Diamond-Polishers-Seek-Representation-by-Mineworkers’-Union

Marksie

SarahSassy: Please do not encourage Iancurtis.

Ian curtis: You are lucky Wibbs got to you first. I would have banned you fior your constant immature baiting and trolling of this forum.

I do not intend to give you any warnings in future, but will ban you immediately

IanCurtis

Marksie wrote: »

SarahSassy: Please do not encourage Iancurtis.

Ian curtis: You are lucky Wibbs got to you first. I would have banned you fior your constant immature baiting and trolling of this forum.

I do not intend to give you any warnings in future, but will ban you immediately

I am lucky.

dory

I have to agree with the others, get a cheap one first!!
If nothing else, it'll make her laugh (if it's obvious it's really cheap - I plan on proposing with a Barn Brac cake ring). Then she'll get to chose it herself. I think that's really important, the chances of you picking something she'd love is slim probably.
Also, she's more than likely not going to pick the most expensive one, I know that's prob not your main issue here but I think let her pick would be cheaper.

And, good luck!!

Curvy Vixen

The other thing OP is that she may have always dreamed of having a solitaire for instance but when she starts trying them on they may not suit and she may end up with a band of diamonds or something very different from what she had envisaged. It's something she'll hopefully be wearing forever so it does need to be right.

And unfortunately you need her actual hand in order to find this out

Wibbs

IanCurtis wrote: »

I am lucky.

Not any more. Banned for three months for consistent muppetry. The off topic post there was the straw that broke this camels back. You just couldn't let it lie

Marksie

Iancurtis Banned: Three months.

Toots

Out of all the people I know who've gotten engaged recently, only one of the guys had the ring at the proposal, so definitely don't feel you have to have it.

One guy I know proposed with an onion ring á la Homer Simpson (not that I'm recommending this ) Another one got this massive tacky knuckle duster diamond ring that he found in his mum's jewelry box from the 80s and used that.

One thing I'd say about having a cheap or 'token' ring to do the actual proposing with is at least it takes away the worry of whether or not she'll like the ring! You'll probably be nervous enough when the moment comes around without having to worry about that! Also it'd make a nice day out for the two of you going shopping for the ring, you could plan a nice romantic lunch and then maybe dinner out to follow up.

maxwell smart

I brought my girlfriend to New York, she got a stunning ring for $4,000 at a great exchange rate, and it was in Tiffanys! I would not spend €7000 on a ring, the person who told you that is just BS ing you

MagicMarker

OP, 4000 is MORE than enough and you will find a beautiful ring for that price and less. Some people would say it's too much, and i'd probably agree, but if that's what you're happy with and more importantly YOU CAN AFFORD IT then go right ahead. Don't mind people who wear 10k +, quite frankly, they're idiots and have more money than sense.

The weddings and marriage forum is where to go for tips on buying the ring and what to look for regarding diamonds etc, but if you have any questions feel free to PM me.

As for the proposal, well, is there anywhere significant you could go? A particular hotel you went to years ago that you have fond memories of? The place where you had your first date? (provided it wasn't the cinema!!), the first restaurant you went to?

Other than that, a nice surprise weekend away would be nice, can't go wrong with the usual places like Rome, Paris, Venice, Prague etc... You could even chop 1k off your budget for the ring to help out.

statss

I fear not add anything controversial to this thread.

good luck op.

towel401

1k is enough. maybe even a used one for 100 eur on ebay if it looks nice

f*cking materialistic pricks.

Liam Byrne

Neesa wrote: »

When my OH proposed he didn't have any ring. A few days later we went out to buy one and just got a €20 one from Clerys.

Neesa, it's just a pity the above sentence implies that you're taken!

OP, the vacuous people that see "worth" only in price tags aren't worth listening to. If something's worth 50 euro but is exactly what someone wants, then it's far better than something worth 5,000 euro; but there will always be some idiots who will disagree.

3,000 is more than enough to spend on the ring; if someone I was seeing said that they "expected" a ring worth 7,000 to represent my love for them, I'd either (a) dump them on the spot or (b) ask them when we were going to the jewellers to pick up MY 7,000 ring......

Feck it, if Ms Right wanted to propose to me with last week's barm brack ring fished out of the bin, I'd be delighted!

It's what it REPRESENTS, not what the jewellers want to sell you or what price tag it has.

Best of luck, OP.....suss out your fiance-to-be, not Paris Hilton wannabes......

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Someone recommended 7000? Wow, I am sure she has been well looked after all her life. I am sure the current economic crisis will not effect her, lucky sod.

I would have thought that about 800 - 1200 would be more than enough. I mean, put a limit on what you can afford to spend but don't have a target on what you should spend. 3-4000 is still a terrible amount of money, whatever your income may be. If I was going to do it, I would spend less money on a substitute ring and then both of you shop around for the perfect ring.

5 Star hotel seems very nice. I wish you all the best, and I hope she says yes

kayos

Personally I think it’s the ring that counts not the price tag. You could go out and spend 7K if you wanted but the ring might not be what your OH wants. So many cuts of diamonds out there and styles etc it is easy to get it wrong and after all she will be wearing the ring for the rest of her life so will want it to be one she loves. Get a token, propose and then go ring shopping give her the upper limit and let her pick exactly the one she loves.

Armadillo Sho

Hiya OP,

I have to say, my ring cost €760 and I bought it from Ernest and Jones on Grafton street. And any one i show the ring to they just love it and think its so usual, which is what you want, a nice rig that sticks out the most,not becouse its cost you an arm and a leg, but that its nice and it would suit your girl!
I would recommend Ernest and Jones now, they have lovely rings and in all ranges..
I know that engagement rings are very important for girls, but like if you spend that on the ring how much are you expected to spend on the wedding?

Like if you buy a ring for €1000 or €1500, the rest of the money can be put towards the wedding and trust me the wedding is soo expensive, even when you try to cut corners.

Really OP, the price of the ring should not matter, its like everything else, its the thought that counts and nothing else.

Good Luck xxL

Aseth

OP I really don't think you should be listening to anyone telling you to buy a ring that cost 7k euro. Not even 3k or 4k
Of course buying a cheap ring for 20 euro is also not an option but imho engagement ring is a symbol of feelings you have for each other. Call me old fashioned or naive but I think world has gone crazy. This money would be better spend on wedding itself(and believe me you will need it) or maybe on your honeymoon.
Find something nice, maybe ask her what colour of the stone she would like, if she prefers white gold to normal one. Maybe she has already seen a ring that she would fancy?

best of luck

missbusy

Trust me, the worth of the ring, or even the fact that you don't produce and ring on the night, won't matter if she really loves you. and thats not a cop out, its the truth.

If you're really worried about the ring, then propose and take her shopping the next day for a ring? It won't be a downer... it will probably be a really really memorable part of the whole engagement for her.


Good luck OP

F.A.

OP, you know your girl best. Is she into all the 'normal' engagement/wedding procedures, i.e., do you know for sure that the ring has to be expensive?

As somewhat of an outsider to Irish society and mentality, I find myself choking everytime the topic of engagement rings comes up. If my boyfriend spent an amount anywhere near 3k, he'd not find himself engaged but in a row. 7k and I think the police would get involved.

However, I realise that this is just me. All I'm saying is make sure she's into all that. Maybe have a chat with her best friend or sister/mother/other close female relatives? This conversation might also help you pick the right location! Who knows, she might have dreamt of being proposed to on top of the Eiffel tower, or under a bridge in Venice or... you get the idea. I think if you invest into some 'research' and show her how much thought you've given this special moment, she might appreciate it much more than the standard scenario with an (overly) expensive ring.

pickarooney

It's interesting to note that in another thread on the 'point' of getting married all sorts of legal entitlements were mentioned as being the true difference between cohabiting and marraige, but none were mentioned of the weight of expectation of spending insane amounts of money on useless, blood-soaked trinkets because society expects it.

OP, if you think that the amount of cash you spend on a ring will make a blind bit of difference to how your betrothed with receive it, you should really ask yourself if you know her well and if you do, do you like what you know.

barbiegirl

The ring is important as your girlfriend will have to wear it forever so the most important thing is that she likes it, not the cost. Get the cheap one and let her pick. Going to pick the ring is a lovely afternoon out, ours was very romantic and ended with a lovely meal with friends :-)
As for €7K ridiculous. Believe me she will be realistic.
Good luck and congratulations

Glowing

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

I have 14k's worth of rings on my hand now

Does having all that cash on your hand make you feel better about yourself?

:rolleyes:

Curvy Vixen

Glowing wrote: »

Does having all that cash on your hand make you feel better about yourself?

:rolleyes:

Glowing you did what IanCurtis did and you have taken a tiny section of my whole post out of context.

The point I was making is that the cost of the ring does not matter. I wore the cheap ring every day I was married and loved it as much as the other rings. Why I'm explaining myself is beyond me here but the 14k is made up pf a wedding, an engagement and an eternity ring, with the wedding and eternity ring chosen by my husband, not me. I learnt of the full cost when we added them to the insurance.

Why are you so bothered about what is on my hand?

Why make cheap nasty comments that are so totally off topic? Does doing that make you feel better about yourself?

Wibbs

OK folks emotive subject clearly, but enough on the personal digs front. Horses for courses and all that.

tweety76

I think the suprise trip to Antwerp is a very good idea, you will save $$$ on the ring. I bought mine with my husband together in the US, he saved a fortune and it was a very memorable day , we had a ball. You wont have to spend $$$$ on the ring in Ireland and get RIPPED OFF!

Do the 5* trip as planned and put the accessorise cheapy ring in a box, then tell her you are bringing her to antwerp to pick the ring together, ANY woman would be delighted with that...

Lollipops23

hey OP,congrats on popping the big question!my cousin recently got engaged to her bf of 5 years and he went for the big grand gesture of candles,champagne, all that lark.but he bought a cheap sparkler for about a tenner earlier that day cos he wanted her to choose her "proper" ring-just meant he had a ring to put on her finger when she said yes!!
BTW 7000 is FAR too much to spend, the average is around 3000ish from when i was looking at them!my best mate spent E2000 on her Tiffanys ring in NYC,the exchange rate was deadly!

Dave!

You know her better than us. I, being a bloke , would feel more comfortable spending circa 1k on the ring, and putting the other 6k towards your future/a deposit on a house/the wedding/the honeymoon even! Any person who would expect a 7k ring deserves a kick in a ring tbh.

LegacyUser

Hi all
thanks so much for your help.

I do know what she wants in the ring but I m definatly gonna get her a normal ring for the proposal and we'll go shopping then.

Found the Marraige board after as well some great advice there too.

I m going to have a small messgae inscribed on the first ring and then we ll go shopping that day.

We ll be staying in Cork, if anyone can recommend any jewellers it woul be great

I wont be going above 4,000 unless its something she really wants.

When she finds the perfect ring for 100 or 7,000, then its hers.

Thanks again

She Devil

Aw that all sounds so lovely OP, it actually sounds perfect! The best jewellers in cork is definately Keanes,its off Patrick Street and is the most famous one there!! But there are a few even on that street! I wish ye all the best!

preilly79

Firetrap wrote: »

How about just asking her to marry you without having THE RING? I know it's romantic to produce the box with the ring in it but it's not a pre-requisite. I think it would be much nicer for your girlfriend and you to go shopping together for a ring that she'll like (you can pray fervently and silently that she doesn't go for the €7,000 one ).

That's exactly what I did and it worked out quite well. She got exactly the ring she wanted.

Malari

She Devil wrote: »

Aw that all sounds so lovely OP, it actually sounds perfect! The best jewellers in cork is definately Keanes,its off Patrick Street and is the most famous one there!! But there are a few even on that street! I wish ye all the best!

This is true...they are very good here. Treat all customers well, no matter how much you are spending. My boyfriend bought me a ring here recently (not an engagement ring, by the way) and I can't imagine buying one that cost 20 times more just for an engagement. I don't think I could tell the difference! It was a lovely experience though to pick something out together. It means as much to me that he likes the jewelry I wear as much as I like it. I think he got a kick out of getting me something I really loved too.

Dudess

Don't pander to the flash, vulgar elements of society like that girl at work OP, the cost is of little consequence.

magicbastarder

the myth of the diamond engagement ring as traditional was invented by debeers in the thirties. possibly the most successful advertising ploy in history?

ask her if she'd like 4k spent on something else for her?
then ask would she be willing to spend 4k on you in return. for fun, like.

pickarooney

magicbastarder wrote: »

the myth of the diamond engagement ring as traditional was invented by debeers in the thirties. possibly the most successful advertising ploy in history?

ask her if she'd like 4k spent on something else for her?
then ask would she be willing to spend 4k on you in return. for fun, like.

After Coke's Red Santa, probably.

Wibbs

pickarooney read the charter about off topic posting. Only warning.

LadyMayBelle

You sound lovely OP! Don't listen to that girl at work, 7k?! if my boyf spent that much money on one for me, I would be annoyed, because I would be thinking what a great holiday we could have had for even half that price. (feckin amazing holiday i imagine)

hope it goes well! It's not about the cost at all.