Escort Girlfriend

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 9:15am #1

I've been going out with a beautiful sensitive and caring woman for 8 months now. We met in a pub and the relationship started off slowly as friends developed into love.

After our second date she told be she was an escort and worked to send money back home to 2 daughters and mother in brazil. She never lied to me and was and still is very honest with me to this day.

In the beginning I was a bit shocked but I could not help my feelings.
This "other life" she led, I put aside somewhere in my mind and tried to forget it.

In the last few months I've asked her to stop escorting as I really love her and cannot bear to think of her with other men. She hates this lifestyle and would often cry with me telling me how bad and dirty she feels. I've asked her to stop and to get a job (even in mcdonalds if she has to).

She has one regular client who txts and phones her all the time. She says he is crazy and he asked her to marry him but she says she told him she has a boyfriend. I asked her to stop seeing him but yesterday she spent the entire day with him and he gave her 1000euro. She phoned me last night to tell me this as she is always honest with me (maybe too honest).

I felt sick in my stomach last night when she told me this. She spent the entire day with this guy who clearly is obessed with her. I feel sick at the thought of him all over her all day.

I know this is a crazy situation but we are genuinely in love. We have talked about a future together. My best friend told me Im crazy and that I should dump her. But its not that easy. When we are together its amazing, with alot of love, not just physical but mental too.

As she has 2 daughters to support in Brazil, do I have the right to ask her to stop this work ? Should I accept it any longer ? Am I being selfish for wanting her to myself ? If she stopped working and couldnt find a job, then I would probably have to support her (and kids??), am I crazy ??

Please go easy on me and her. Im just looking for some outside advice.

thanks

wasper · 23-10-2008 9:30am

Pachanga wrote: »

I've been going out with a beautiful sensitive and caring woman for 8 months now. We met in a pub and the relationship started off slowly as friends developed into love.

After our second date she told be she was an escort and worked to send money back home to 2 daughters and mother in brazil. She never lied to me and was and still is very honest with me to this day.

In the beginning I was a bit shocked but I could not help my feelings.
This "other life" she led, I put aside somewhere in my mind and tried to forget it.

In the last few months I've asked her to stop escorting as I really love her and cannot bear to think of her with other men. She hates this lifestyle and would often cry with me telling me how bad and dirty she feels. I've asked her to stop and to get a job (even in mcdonalds if she has to).

She has one regular client who txts and phones her all the time. She says he is crazy and he asked her to marry him but she says she told him she has a boyfriend. I asked her to stop seeing him but yesterday she spent the entire day with him and he gave her 1000euro. She phoned me last night to tell me this as she is always honest with me (maybe too honest).

I felt sick in my stomach last night when she told me this. She spent the entire day with this guy who clearly is obessed with her. I feel sick at the thought of him all over her all day.

I know this is a crazy situation but we are genuinely in love. We have talked about a future together. My best friend told me Im crazy and that I should dump her. But its not that easy. When we are together its amazing, with alot of love, not just physical but mental too.

As she has 2 daughters to support in Brazil, do I have the right to ask her to stop this work ? Should I accept it any longer ? Am I being selfish for wanting her to myself ? If she stopped working and couldnt find a job, then I would probably have to support her (and kids??), am I crazy ??

Please go easy on me and her. Im just looking for some outside advice.

thanks

This is a difficult situation. You knew the score from the 2nd day. She has been totally honest with you. Her dilemma versus your dilemma. She needs to feed her family back home, you on the hand is about jealously.
Working in M won't able her to support her children. Are you willing to take that financial responsibility?
Are you saying that you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman. If so, you might weigh the possibility that she will have to bring her children here too.
Where do you see your relationship going?

LightningBolt · 23-10-2008 9:30am

Pachanga wrote: »

I've been going out with a beautiful sensitive and caring woman for 8 months now. We met in a pub and the relationship started off slowly as friends developed into love.

After our second date she told be she was an escort and worked to send money back home to 2 daughters and mother in brazil. She never lied to me and was and still is very honest with me to this day.

In the beginning I was a bit shocked but I could not help my feelings.
This "other life" she led, I put aside somewhere in my mind and tried to forget it.

In the last few months I've asked her to stop escorting as I really love her and cannot bear to think of her with other men. She hates this lifestyle and would often cry with me telling me how bad and dirty she feels. I've asked her to stop and to get a job (even in mcdonalds if she has to).

She has one regular client who txts and phones her all the time. She says he is crazy and he asked her to marry him but she says she told him she has a boyfriend. I asked her to stop seeing him but yesterday she spent the entire day with him and he gave her 1000euro. She phoned me last night to tell me this as she is always honest with me (maybe too honest).

I felt sick in my stomach last night when she told me this. She spent the entire day with this guy who clearly is obessed with her. I feel sick at the thought of him all over her all day.

I know this is a crazy situation but we are genuinely in love. We have talked about a future together. My best friend told me Im crazy and that I should dump her. But its not that easy. When we are together its amazing, with alot of love, not just physical but mental too.

As she has 2 daughters to support in Brazil, do I have the right to ask her to stop this work ? Should I accept it any longer ? Am I being selfish for wanting her to myself ? If she stopped working and couldnt find a job, then I would probably have to support her (and kids??), am I crazy ??

Please go easy on me and her. Im just looking for some outside advice.

thanks

She ain't gonna stop what she's doing. For the sake of your sanity just end it.

death1234567 · 23-10-2008 9:34am

Pachanga wrote: »

In the last few months I've asked her to stop escorting

I just highlighted the important bit there. If she was going to stop for you she would have by now. Sounds to me like she's manipulating you TBH, but its a tough situation. I'd leave her if I was in your shoes, I'd also buy new shoes

not yet · 23-10-2008 9:35am

Pachanga wrote: »

I've been going out with a beautiful sensitive and caring woman for 8 months now. We met in a pub and the relationship started off slowly as friends developed into love.

After our second date she told be she was an escort and worked to send money back home to 2 daughters and mother in brazil. She never lied to me and was and still is very honest with me to this day.

In the beginning I was a bit shocked but I could not help my feelings.
This "other life" she led, I put aside somewhere in my mind and tried to forget it.

In the last few months I've asked her to stop escorting as I really love her and cannot bear to think of her with other men. She hates this lifestyle and would often cry with me telling me how bad and dirty she feels. I've asked her to stop and to get a job (even in mcdonalds if she has to).

She has one regular client who txts and phones her all the time. She says he is crazy and he asked her to marry him but she says she told him she has a boyfriend. I asked her to stop seeing him but yesterday she spent the entire day with him and he gave her 1000euro. She phoned me last night to tell me this as she is always honest with me (maybe too honest).

I felt sick in my stomach last night when she told me this. She spent the entire day with this guy who clearly is obessed with her. I feel sick at the thought of him all over her all day.

I know this is a crazy situation but we are genuinely in love. We have talked about a future together. My best friend told me Im crazy and that I should dump her. But its not that easy. When we are together its amazing, with alot of love, not just physical but mental too.

As she has 2 daughters to support in Brazil, do I have the right to ask her to stop this work ? Should I accept it any longer ? Am I being selfish for wanting her to myself ? If she stopped working and couldnt find a job, then I would probably have to support her (and kids??), am I crazy ??

Please go easy on me and her. Im just looking for some outside advice.

thanks

I think you know what advice your going get, sounds like she want her cake and eat it.

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 9:37am

death1234567

I dont think she is manipulating me. She does love me.
She says if we moved in together she would stop. This isnt blackmail for me to move in with her, its just fact.

Beruthiel · 23-10-2008 9:37am

LightningBolt wrote: »

She ain't gonna stop what she's doing.

Especially as she has a family back home who she is trying to keep alive.
Unless you're loaded, intend to sweep her off her feet and take on her family, I'd imagine you don't have much of a future.

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 9:40am

wasper wrote: »

This is a difficult situation. You knew the score from the 2nd day. She has been totally honest with you. Her dilemma versus your dilemma. She needs to feed her family back home, you on the hand is about jealously.
Working in M won't able her to support her children. Are you willing to take that financial responsibility?
Are you saying that you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman. If so, you might weigh the possibility that she will have to bring her children here too.
Where do you see your relationship going?

Yes, it is a rough situation.

I agree with me it is jealousy, and I hate this because I was never ever jealous with anything or anybody before in my life.

I am willing to taking the responsibility. My friend says she is looking for a passport but I cant believe this I dont want to believe it.

I want to marry this woman

not yet · 23-10-2008 9:40am

Listen buddy the cost of living in brazil is a fraction of here, if she is getting 1000 euro of one punter and god knows how much in a week what the f*ck is she doing with it............

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 9:42am

not yet wrote: »

Listen buddy the cost of living in brazil is a fraction of here, if she is getting 1000 euro of one punter and god knows how much in a week what the f*ck is she doing with it............

She is paying for a house back home, feeding her mother and 2 kids. Sending her two kids to a nice school to give them a chance in life and is paying for english lessons, dance classes etc. she is giving them the life she didnt have a chance to have.

Cork Exile · 23-10-2008 9:44am

Pachanga wrote: »

She says if we moved in together she would stop. This isnt blackmail for me to move in with her, its just fact.

This has put alarm bells ringing in my head!!!
I would get her to look for a job first. See what is available for her first.
It sounds cold but don't move in unless she can contribute from a normal job.

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 9:46am

Cork Exile wrote: »

This has put alarm bells ringing in my head!!!
I would get her to look for a job first. See what is available for her first.
It sounds cold but don't move in unless she can contribute from a normal job.

Exactly my thoughts.

If I see that she makes an effort to get a job then I know shes not just out to sponge off me. I dont believe that she is

not yet · 23-10-2008 9:48am

I'm sorry but some folk just never ever ever get it........sad I know but thems are the facts.... infraction etc etc etc coming blah blah blah.

wasper · 23-10-2008 9:49am

Pachanga wrote: »

Yes, it is a rough situation.

I agree with me it is jealousy, and I hate this because I was never ever jealous with anything or anybody before in my life.

I am willing to taking the responsibility. My friend says she is looking for a passport but I cant believe this I dont want to believe it.

I want to marry this woman

If you are willing to take the responsibility then ask her to stop excorting, and you take over the financial side. Ask her to move in with you & marry her. When she gets her passport in 5 years time. Then the test will be is she still with you? No one knows what the future holds for all of us.
The main thing if she makes you happy now then go for it.
And how about visiting her family back in Brazil? So you can see what are putting yourself through.

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 9:49am

not yet wrote: »

I'm sorry but some folk just never ever ever get it........sad I know but thems are the facts.... infraction etc etc etc coming blah blah blah.

Infraction? on her part or mine? what do you mean?

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 9:51am

wasper wrote: »

If you are willing to take the responsibility then ask her to stop excorting, and you take over the financial side. Ask her to move in with you & marry her. When she gets her passport in 5 years time. Then the test will be is she still with you? No one knows what the future holds for all of us.
The main thing if she makes you happy now then go for it.
And how about visiting her family back in Brazil? So you can see what are putting yourself through.

Thank you very much Wasper, this is good advice.

We are going to Brazil in January for me to meet her family. Ive already spoken to her parents and sisters brothers on the phone.

She does make me happy and I make her happy.

RossFixxxed · 23-10-2008 9:51am

If she's crying and hates it why is she not out every spare minute looking for a job? Why infilcit that on herself and you?

I'm sorry to say this is a total mess of a situation and it seems like a lot of grief. You'd want to be damn, damn sure that this is worth persuing.

It's a dirty job, and it's dangerous. I personally couldn't stomach it. Also it's a cynical enough job you need to be certain that she isn't using you for passport etc...

Be VERY wary on this. good luck

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 9:53am

RossFixxxed wrote: »

If she's crying and hates it why is she not out every spare minute looking for a job? Why infilcit that on herself and you?

I'm sorry to say this is a total mess of a situation and it seems like a lot of grief. You'd want to be damn, damn sure that this is worth persuing.

It's a dirty job, and it's dangerous. I personally couldn't stomach it. Also it's a cynical enough job you need to be certain that she isn't using you for passport etc...

Be VERY wary on this. good luck

Thanks Ross, that fact that she is not out looking for a job worries me.
It is a mess and dangerous.

I dont want to give her an ultimatium, the job or me but I feel its coming to that.

MagicMarker · 23-10-2008 9:55am

There's not a chance you love her. If you love a person you don't start asking 'in the last few months' if she'll stop having sex for money. That's something you'd more than likely ask as soon as you become exclusive... Like 'honey, seeing as we're now officially boyfriend and girlfriend, would you mind not sleeping with other men?'.

She's not going to change for you man.

wasper · 23-10-2008 9:57am

[QUOTE=
It's a dirty job, and it's dangerous. I personally couldn't stomach it. Also it's a cynical enough job you need to be certain that she isn't using you for passport etc...[/QUOTE]
Flixxi, I would love you to show me how do you insure she is not using him for a passport. It's not an exact science.

Irishcrx · 23-10-2008 9:58am

The heart cannot help what it feels but sometimes the mind has to intervine when things become to overwhelming. Personally I don't think I could deal with my girlfriend sleeping with other guys for work I know it must be draining on you, unfortunatly the reality is that it is VERY difficult to keep a relationship in these situations she is probably making thousands a week to support her family from this job so taking a "Real" job for her is going to be out of the question as she'll make nothing like she is used to.

However I believe that money isn't everything and there are more important thing's in life, sit down with her talk about everything you feel , tell her you love her and don't want her doing this and if not now when does she see this ending if at all.

You also have to protect yourself from all sorts of STD's etc as she is supsectable to these much more. Good luck.

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 10:00am

Irishcrx wrote: »

The heart cannot help what it feels but sometimes the mind has to intervine when things become to overwhelming. Personally I don't think I could deal with my girlfriend sleeping with other guys for work I know it must be draining on you, unfortunatly the reality is that it is VERY difficult to keep a relationship in these situations she is probably making thousands a week to support her family from this job so taking a "Real" job for her is going to be out of the question as she'll make nothing like she is used to.

However I believe that money isn't everything and there are more important thing's in life, sit down with her talk about everything you feel , tell her you love her and don't want her doing this and if not now when does she see this ending if at all.

You also have to protect yourself from all sorts of STD's etc as she is supsectable to these much more. Good luck.

Its very draining. She actually doesnt make thousands. With the recession and the way the economy is at the moment shes lucky to get one or two jobs a week which amounts to about 200euro per job.

This 1000euro was and is a one off now and again for a guy who is obessesed with her.

She always uses protection, gets tested every 3 months and we use protection also

andrewh5 · 23-10-2008 10:02am

Do yourself a favour - run away from her and do it now and fast.

Cork Exile · 23-10-2008 10:10am

Have to ask this. Is she here legally? Does she have a work visa?

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 10:11am

Cork Exile wrote: »

Have to ask this. Is she here legally? Does she have a work visa?

She is here legally, she goes to school to learn english and has a visa

LegacyUser · 23-10-2008 10:15am

Pachanga wrote: »

Its very draining. She actually doesnt make thousands. With the recession and the way the economy is at the moment shes lucky to get one or two jobs a week which amounts to about 200euro per job.

Sorry but in that case its not about the money to support her family- she could easily be making 200-400 euro p/w in a full-time job, no matter how crap. I made 300 p/w working part-time making sandwiches when I was in college. Also, if she's only getting 2 jobs a week, what the hell does she do the rest of the time??? Why can't she get a job?

I was giving her the benefit of the doubt all the way through this thread but your last post totally changed my mind. This woman sounds lazy. Sure, she says she hates the work- but obviously not as much as she would hate to have to work full-time in a "normal" job. I'm not judging her as I have no moral problem with her lifestyle, I just think she is not being honest with you.

christy c · 23-10-2008 10:29am

Pachanga wrote: »

Its very draining. She actually doesnt make thousands. With the recession and the way the economy is at the moment shes lucky to get one or two jobs a week which amounts to about 200euro per job.

This 1000euro was and is a one off now and again for a guy who is obessesed with her.

She always uses protection, gets tested every 3 months and we use protection also

If she only gets 1 or 2 jobs a week usually why is she still doing it? Thats an average of €300. She would be better off working in McD's as you said, seems a bit crazy selling herself for that amount of money

wasper · 23-10-2008 10:30am

Cork Exile wrote: »

Have to ask this. Is she here legally? Does she have a work visa?

Can we move beyond this pontification. What difference do it make if she is legal or not? Does that make he a criminal? What about the thousands of illegal Irish in the US or Australia, do you consider them criminals too?

wasper · 23-10-2008 10:32am

christy c wrote: »

If she only gets 1 or 2 jobs a week usually why is she still doing it? Thats an average of €300. She would be better off working in McD's as you said, seems a bit crazy selling herself for that amount of money

Do the maths, 2 hours max, 300€ or do 25hrs+ for similar money.

MIN2511 · 23-10-2008 10:44am

She's an international student then?

1. Her fees to learn English would not be cheap >5k per anum
2. Garda Card & re entry visa = 250
3. Rent per anum = 7k
4. Feeding and expenses per anum = 10k
5. Sending money home = ?

Do the math, can you afford a fraction of it? If you can then ask her to quit. If you can't then i am afraid the relationship is doomed.

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 10:49am

MIN2511 wrote: »

She's an international student then?

1. Her fees to learn English would not be cheap >5k per anum
2. Garda Card & re entry visa = 250
3. Rent per anum = 7k
4. Feeding and expenses per anum = 10k
5. Sending money home = ?

Do the math, can you afford a fraction of it? If you can then ask her to quit. If you can't then i am afraid the relationship is doomed.

Your figures are way off.

1. English course = 1000euro per year.
2. Correct
3. she pays 300 rent per month, 3600 per year.
4. 10k a bit high
5. After taking out rent and food, she sends everything else home

The relationship doesnt have to be doomed. It can work,

Is there anyone out there with similar experience ?

Any feedback from women appreciated

AngryBadger · 23-10-2008 10:51am

OP this whole situation seems dubious to me, and I'd be inclined to think your friends might be right when they say she's looking for a passport.

If she gets paid EUR1,000 for spending a day with one client then she must be minted, if she jsut did one day a week that would be EUR4,000 in an average month. If she only kept half of that she'd be sending EUR2,000 home every month, and that seems like a lot to me. And that's all on the basis that she only works one day out of 7.

Sorry OP, I think you're being played here. If she hates what she's doing so much then as has been said she should be out looking for alternative employment, even as you say if it means working in McDonalds. Also, if she's making that kind of money, then why would you moving in with her be a condition for her to stop being an escort?

This seems very dodgy to me OP, I'd bail because I think she's manipul;ating this whole situation and you with it.

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 10:56am

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP this whole situation seems dubious to me, and I'd be inclined to think your friends might be right when they say she's looking for a passport.

If she gets paid EUR1,000 for spending a day with one client then she must be minted, if she jsut did one day a week that would be EUR4,000 in an average month. If she only kept half of that she'd be sending EUR2,000 home every month, and that seems like a lot to me. And that's all on the basis that she only works one day out of 7.

Sorry OP, I think you're being played here. If she hates what she's doing so much then as has been said she should be out looking for alternative employment, even as you say if it means working in McDonalds. Also, if she's making that kind of money, then why would you moving in with her be a condition for her to stop being an escort?

This seems very dodgy to me OP, I'd bail because I think she's manipul;ating this whole situation and you with it.

The 1000euro a day is a one off now and then from 1 client. This guy is obessed with her. She doesnt make much money, shes showed me her bank account.

Im still dubious whether or not she is playing me or not as this client has asked her to move in with him and he wants to be her boyfriend, she wants me.

I definetly think we need to sit down very soon and talk about where we are going.

Its horrible of me to be jealous of this client but I cant help it as I know hes not just paying her for sex, hes mad into her.

I told her last night not to talk to me about her work anymore but she says she needs to as she wants to be honest with me.

Shelli · 23-10-2008 11:00am

I think the "Pretty Woman" fairytale is all very romantic, but just not realistic.

If she loved you she would stop, if she knew you loved her that much she would stop, she would find another means of supporting her family, no matter how hard, if you truely loved her you would have no doubts about supporting her family too.

The doubt that is there in your mind now is what you should be paying heed to.

MIN2511 · 23-10-2008 11:00am

Pachanga wrote: »

Your figures are way off.

1. English course = 1000euro per year.
2. Correct
3. she pays 300 rent per month, 3600 per year.
4. 10k a bit high
5. After taking out rent and food, she sends everything else home

The relationship doesnt have to be doomed. It can work,

Is there anyone out there with similar experience ?

Any feedback from women appreciated

My apologies, as far as i know for you to be considered eligible for a study Visa the fees has to be over 5k. Maybe i have my
facts wrong.
Her rent sounds cheap, especially with the current climate. And 10k, i would consider average(includes: bills, food etc)

And no the relationship is not doomed, i don't think she's using you for a passport. She was honest with you. It's up to you
to do what you want. You decided to date her after she informed you about her career.
The 1k is just a once off, how many days a week is she working.

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP this whole situation seems dubious to me, and I'd be inclined to think your friends might be right when they say she's looking for a passport.

If she gets paid EUR1,000 for spending a day with one client then she must be minted, if she jsut did one day a week that would be EUR4,000 in an average month. If she only kept half of that she'd be sending EUR2,000 home every month, and that seems like a lot to me. And that's all on the basis that she only works one day out of 7.

Sorry OP, I think you're being played here. If she hates what she's doing so much then as has been said she should be out looking for alternative employment, even as you say if it means working in McDonalds. Also, if she's making that kind of money, then why would you moving in with her be a condition for her to stop being an escort?

This seems very dodgy to me OP, I'd bail because I think she's manipul;ating this whole situation and you with it.

AB, it's not dodgy and this 1k was from a client who has the hots for her. I wonder how much she earns on average per week.

Pachanga, as i said if you can match her current expenses then ask her to stop escorting. If you can't then there's nothing you can do.

AngryBadger · 23-10-2008 11:02am

Pachanga wrote: »

The 1000euro a day is a one off now and then from 1 client. This guy is obessed with her. She doesnt make much money, shes showed me her bank account.

Then why is she working as an escort girl if it makes her (and you incidentally) so miserable? She could make the same money in any number of other jobs, ffs she could make the same money giving tuition in whatever language they speak in brazil when it comes down to it.

Pachanga wrote: »

Im still dubious whether or not she is playing me or not as this client has asked her to move in with him and he wants to be her boyfriend, she wants me.

I wondered about that myself, but also, what about the fact that her job tears you up inside and she knows this. So she stays in a job that makes both of you completely miserable, and according to what she's telling you earns her just enough to live....and yet she's still sending money home??? How is she even managing that?

Pachanga wrote: »

Its horrible of me to be jealous of this client but I cant help it as I know hes not just paying her for sex, hes mad into her.

Your gf is having sex with other men for money. Apparently she still doesn't make enough money. But she continues to do this anyway in spite of mit being pointless, and making you completely miserable....I'm just not seeing it OP.

Pachanga wrote: »

I told her last night not to talk to me about her work anymore but she says she needs to as she wants to be honest with me.

So she can just decide to subject you to this even when you ask her not to.

OP I think you're way past talking to this woman. none of this makes any sense to me, and if it don't make sense, it's time to bail hard.

pwd · 23-10-2008 11:02am

Refraining from telling you something when you ask her not to isn't being dishonest.

It's not horrible of you to be jealous. It would be very odd if you weren't jealous. You need to get more self esteem I think.

vandermeyde · 23-10-2008 11:06am

I'd be wary of the fact that she might be using you as an emotional crutch, you make her feel normal and loved versus the self-loathing she obviously feels from the work she does... You're not on the same emotional page in my book, you should be asking yourself this...

Does she love me for who I am or does she love me because I'm not one of her paying punters so I make her feel "normal"?

In my book, if you love someone, you don't do things which cause you both pain and in this case she knows it causes pain to you both yet still continues to do it.

I'm not saying that she's playing you but I just don't think that you're on the same frequency.

RossFixxxed · 23-10-2008 11:11am

wasper wrote: »

Flixxi, I would love you to show me how do you insure she is not using him for a passport. It's not an exact science.

I'm not being smart, but that was half my point. You can't ever be sure until too late, which either means taking the risk or keeping an emotinal distance! Not great.

OP: let me put it this way, can I have a go on your GF?

I know that's a horrible thing to say but that's what you are currently living with!

wasper · 23-10-2008 11:13am

vandermeyde wrote: »

I'd be wary of the fact that she might be using you as an emotional crutch, you make her feel normal and loved versus the self-loathing she obviously feels from the work she does... You're not on the same emotional page in my book, you should be asking yourself this...

But that's what people do when they love each other. They open up. They share their horrible feelings with the loved ones. I am not trying to be the devil's advocate here.
But if you can't talk to your BF/GF/Husband/Wife then who do you talk to?

SpookyDoll · 23-10-2008 11:14am

My friend says she is looking for a passport but I cant believe this I dont want to believe it

"I dont want to believe it".......OP this is a telling sentance in your post.
Love is blind there is no doubt, we all edit out stuff we dont want to see about our partners to a certain extent, but ask yourself are you in love with an illusion.

Also the guy that is "obsessed" with her, well you only have her word for that. For all you know she could be seeing him and he is believing everything she says on face value too. She may be telling him the same thing about you (that you are also an obsessed client).

It would be extremely rare for a working girl to make €1000 in a day even if she allowed him do some quite extreme things, €1000 is not a believable amount for one days work.

So ask yourself how did she get this money, why did he give it to her?

She may be in a relationship with him and maybe he thinks its to fund her english course etc You dont know what shes told him

Look, working girls are actresses, if they are good thats what they are paid to do, to make men feel they are into them and if they are good they will be able to play men to get money out of them.

You believe you are in a relationship with her but maybe others do too?

Faith · 23-10-2008 11:15am

I have to wonder, if she's only getting one or two "jobs" a week these days, why hasn't she gotten another more regular job to supplement her income? Even if those "jobs" were day-long (which I doubt), what's she doing with the other 5 days? You really should try to encourage her to get another job, even part-time. That might help her to transition from escorting to a normal job.

conceited · 23-10-2008 11:21am

Shes a whore plain and simple. Have some self respect man for **** sake.
You can do better than this.

beth-lou · 23-10-2008 11:47am

Hi,

Well from your various replies regarding her financial situation I gather that she isn't actually earning very much. If she wants to give up prostitution, well there are other options and she will be making a bit more money. She is a mother herself, if her English is good she could earn at least €400 a week being a child minder. She will have to do more hours, but at least she'll have her self respect and will be able to have a proper, more equal relationship with you. If she is not willing to do a full weeks work for the same money, then I would question her motivation and her work ethic.

She has every right to a loving relationship and I can understand that desperation can drive a person to desperate measures to survive. I also understand that maybe it was hard for her to find work when she came here first and this was her best option. But...... there are alternatives and if you offer them to her and she refuses, I think you have your answer.

Regardless of this though look at the bigger picture.
If you marry, are you going to bring her children over here?
Are you prepared to love them as your own?
Does she want to stay here for the rest of her life?
Would you move to Brazil?
Do you want kids with her and her with you?

There's so much to consider. It is possible to work through it, but first she has to show her commitment to you by volunarily giving up her profession fro one more suited to a stable relationship with a future.

Mr. Incognito · 23-10-2008 11:57am

The 1000euro a day is a one off now and then from 1 client. This guy is obessed with her. She doesnt make much money, shes showed me A bank account.

Im still dubious whether or not she is playing me or not as this client has asked her to move in with him and he wants to be her boyfriend, she wants me.

I definetly think we need to sit down very soon and talk about where we are going.

Its horrible of me to be jealous of this client but I cant help it as I know hes not just paying her for sex, hes mad into her.

I told her last night not to talk to me about her work anymore but she says she needs to as she wants to be honest with me.

I've highlighted the above.

The one thing that jumps out at me is that maybe this other chap is ALSO her boyfriend. Why else is he obsessed with her, asking her to move in? You don't move your prostitute into your home. Are you giving her money? Seeing as she has nothing left over after bills and rent- who is paying for nights out and the cinema etc.

She has two boyfriends giving her money, taking her out, buying her presents. I don't think anyone that sells themselves for money with have the moral hold-back not to do this.

You're not her boyfriend- your'e a Mark.

Get out.

secman · 23-10-2008 12:01pm

I remember watching a programme some years ago, it was a documentary about escorts, some were high class ones. The common factor at the end of the programme was that the people concerned carried this weight on their shoulders for years after " retiring ". They all had issues, and were mostly single, some with kids !
I d'ont think that you would ever have an issue free relationship, the elephant in the room would have to be discussed at some time, it could not be ignored nor raised for too long. Just my tuppence worth.

Secman

AngryBadger · 23-10-2008 12:01pm

MIN2511 wrote: »

AB, it's not dodgy and this 1k was from a client who has the hots for her. I wonder how much she earns on average per week.

I was referring to the whole situation seeming dodgy to me, not that a particular client paid her EUR1,000. And I don't think you, or anyone else are in a position to say this situation is not dodgy. Only the OP knows for sure.

But it definitely seems dodgy to me...

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 12:13pm

SpookyDoll wrote: »

"I dont want to believe it".......OP this is a telling sentance in your post.
Love is blind there is no doubt, we all edit out stuff we dont want to see about our partners to a certain extent, but ask yourself are you in love with an illusion.

Also the guy that is "obsessed" with her, well you only have her word for that. For all you know she could be seeing him and he is believing everything she says on face value too. She may be telling him the same thing about you (that you are also an obsessed client).

It would be extremely rare for a working girl to make €1000 in a day even if she allowed him do some quite extreme things, €1000 is not a believable amount for one days work.

So ask yourself how did she get this money, why did he give it to her?

She may be in a relationship with him and maybe he thinks its to fund her english course etc You dont know what shes told him

Look, working girls are actresses, if they are good thats what they are paid to do, to make men feel they are into them and if they are good they will be able to play men to get money out of them.

You believe you are in a relationship with her but maybe others do too?

Ouch, this post has got me thinking now, I hadn't thought about this.

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 12:14pm

conceited wrote: »

Shes a whore plain and simple. Have some self respect man for **** sake.
You can do better than this.

Come on ! Please dont talk like this. Have some respect

Pachanga · 23-10-2008 12:16pm

SetantaL wrote: »

I've highlighted the above.

The one thing that jumps out at me is that maybe this other chap is ALSO her boyfriend. Why else is he obsessed with her, asking her to move in? You don't move your prostitute into your home. Are you giving her money? Seeing as she has nothing left over after bills and rent- who is paying for nights out and the cinema etc.

She has two boyfriends giving her money, taking her out, buying her presents. I don't think anyone that sells themselves for money with have the moral hold-back not to do this.

You're not her boyfriend- your'e a Mark.

Get out.

****, this has me thinking, I hope its not true, but it could be.

Ouch

marti101 · 23-10-2008 12:22pm

I hope it all works out but its time to sit down and talk.Ask her if the other fella is her boyfriend or whats the story,after all if you are meeeting her family you have to ask her is there anything else you should know.And i think if your gut feeling is telling something is wrong then listen to it and dont ignore it.The same goes for your friends listen to them cause if that was them what would you be telling them.Only you can make this decision but make sure you have all the facts before you do.

Escort Girlfriend

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