Rowdy Builders!

00_katie_00

I work in a building that is situated on a residential street, there are builders working next door building apartments & each day i walk past them on my way to pub for lunch there is about 4 of them & one says something like hey goregous, how are you today?

I am a shy girl so get a bit flustered than most at this & just answer um good, how are you? quickly as i can as i know ignoring them would just make them mad at me..

I even walked on the other side of the footpath today to be far away as i passed them....I wish there was a way to tell them to shut up, politely of course...cause i dont feel like its fair that im subjected to this everyday!

any suggestions appreciated!:)

Energizeer

Let them have their fun. They are supposed to do that kind of thing.

Plus, they will probably be on the dole in a few more weeks...

Phlann

00_katie_00 wrote: »

as i know ignoring them would just make them mad at me..

Don't be such a sap!

Tell them if they keep it up you're going to make a complaint to their supervisor.

Ruu_Old

Heh, doubt there is a whole lot you can do (reporting them is a bit over the top I think). They are just trying to wind you up and get a response. "My day was going well until I caught sight of your mug!" Have a laugh.

SpookyDoll

Hiya Katie!

Well, there is not a whole lot you can do unless you can go another way?
You see the thing is, they know they are embarassing you...and they enjoy it...the gits!!!

The truth be told they probably look forward to you walking by every day!

Best stay on the other side of the path, try to look busy -be on the phone or something or stick a pair of headphones in your ears....

When they shout things just smile, you dont have to reply.
You dont have to be over rude or over friendly....just do your very best to ignore them...

As long as they are not making you feel threatened....try not to worry too much about them, the job will be finished one day soon so it wont go on forever!

beth-lou

As far as I know it is illeagal for them to do that now, wolf whistling anyway and comes under harrasment. You could ring whatever building group they are working for. I'm sure they're probably doing this to lots of girls so they won't know its you who complained.
Alternatively give them the brush off as suggested, but expect an escalation if you do so.
It would make me uncomfortable too.

00_katie_00

Ruu wrote: »

They are just trying to wind you up and get a response. "My day was going well until I caught sight of your mug!" Have a laugh.

Nail on the head.. I lived in the southern hemisphere for too long as a child and I dont have that irish sense of humour thing.

biko

Unless you can outwit them or "return the favour" you'll probably have to just take it. Construction workers everywhere are the same so it's not like they single you out or anything.
Us men like to look at lovely girls, it's a compliment (albeit sometimes unwelcome).

00_katie_00

biko wrote: »

Unless you can outwit them or "return the favour" you'll probably have to just take it. Construction workers everywhere are the same so it's not like they single you out or anything.
Us men like to look at lovely girls, it's a compliment (albeit sometimes unwelcome).

I wouldnt mind if they just LOOKED, why are all builders like this? Is there a new breed of men emerging?

metamorphic

If they're Irish:
compliment them on their good english, and even they irish accents and ask which eastern european country they're from.

For some reason I have this notion that eastern europeans tend to just get on with the job, maybe I'm wrong.

anyways, if you need some one liners

"yeah I look great, far too good for the likes of you" although this could be considered flirting in some departments.
"That high Vis yellow really matches your teeth"
"Fook off"

or develop a good sneer.

but seriously, on the whole I don't think there's any malice in it. Sure strike up conversation and get to know them. If they know your name they won't have to refer to you in any other terms.

von Neumann

Just go into the site office and have a word with the foreman, then and there.
He'll will probable go straight out side and give them a not too serious bolloxing.
That will stop it in it's tracks.

They don't mean anything bad by it,
Buidling sites are dirty, stinking, depressing sh*tholes and your probablely the bright spot in they're otherwise miserable day.

tatt chic

Take it for what it is, a bit of banter! As someone else suggested, be a smart ass with them, give as good as you get! It probably does brighten up their day, please don't get upset over it!

gaz wac

I disagree

I would call in sick to work until the building work is done so you dont have to walk past them, this could get very serious OP, be carefull out there!! :rolleyes:

or you could just ignore them

MsFifers

gaz wac wrote: »

I disagree

I would call in sick to work until the building work is done so you dont have to walk past them, this could get very serious OP, be carefull out there!! :rolleyes:

or you could just ignore them

Wha?! Presume you are joking!

I agree its a bit embarrassing. Maybe call the site supervisor (by phone, not in person!) to complain. All the builder firms have been warned about sexual harrassment, so I'd say they would shut the lads up fairly quickly. Its impossible to deal with in person because you'll either come across as over-reacting, or no sense of humour or something.

Its easy for people to say its only a laugh etc. But if you are a shy person, that kind of thing can be really intimidating.

I really wouldn't worry about it.

As has been said, you're probably a bright spot in their otherwise miserable day (not that I'm saying builders have it miserably, but every job gets dull).

I doubt they have conversations when you're gone of how much they want you to feel threatened by them. Its just their general day to day activity. They welcome you and such because it breaks up their day. Gives them someone to interact with.

It's nothing I'd lose sleep over. Get to know them a little better and you'll more than likely have a bit of a laugh with them.



You never know.. you might just miss them when they're inevitably gone...

Recon

My sister was in a similar situation a few years ago, so she went over and starting shaking the scaffolding they were sitting on! Seemed to get the reply she was looking for...

jaybo1

I know they might be intrusive or whatever, but would it not be worse if they did not say anything....?. You should maybe be flattered in some ways! Imagine if you walked behind 4 girls a minute apart, and they all whistled and commented on the others, yet said nothing to you?

Its life. Men are men. You should be glad they are (in an animal maybe way) complimenting you.

Nevyn

Energizeer wrote: »

Let them have their fun. They are supposed to do that kind of thing.

Plus, they will probably be on the dole in a few more weeks...

They are not, construction companies have been sued for the behaviour of their employee's who cat call and harrash passer's by.

If there is a sign up saying who is doing the construction I suggest you get the name and number of the company and ring them about it.

Dimitri

Thaedydal wrote: »

They are not, construction companies have been sued for the behaviour of their employee's who cat call and harrash passer's by.

If there is a sign up saying who is doing the construction I suggest you get the name and number of the company and ring them about it.

Probably a bit over the top, all they're doing is saying hello, how are you? they don't know her by name so they are replacing that with gorgeous. Is a compliment from a stranger harrassment now?
Op i'm kind of shy myself, if a group of girls started saying hello to me out of the blue i'd (sad to say) get flustered myself, buit i'd also be quite happy with it.

wasper

00_katie_00 wrote: »

I work in a building that is situated on a residential street, there are builders working next door building apartments & each day i walk past them on my way to pub for lunch there is about 4 of them & one says something like hey goregous, how are you today?

I am a shy girl so get a bit flustered than most at this & just answer um good, how are you? quickly as i can as i know ignoring them would just make them mad at me..

I even walked on the other side of the footpath today to be far away as i passed them....I wish there was a way to tell them to shut up, politely of course...cause i dont feel like its fair that im subjected to this everyday!

any suggestions appreciated!:)

This is a harmless compliment, you should enjoy the attention. Don't listen to PC brigade.

galwayguy22

Think of all the fat, ugly girls who would love to be in your situation.

Brian Capture

ask them why do they read sh*tty tabloids and not a decent paper like the Irish Times.

braindead f*ckers.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

tallaghtoutlaws

Brian Capture wrote: »

ask them why do they read sh*tty tabloids and not a decent paper like the Irish Times.

braindead f*ckers.

I worked on a building site and have a degree so Im braindead am I? It was bloody good money.:rolleyes:

OP it is harmless fun for most guys. When I worked on site I witnessed some of the boys doing it heck I did it a few times myself but most of the time its nothing more than Howya, mornin beautiful etc etc. Many a time some of the girls walking by, after getting shouted at, would throw something back our way and it was good banter nothing more nothing less.

Overheal

seeing how the other options have been explored here already (report them, etc) I'll also throw Playing Along into the mix. Respond to cat-calls with verbal teases, like Oh you wouldnt know what to do with me etc. and like TallaghtOutlaw and others say just treat it like a bit of sidewalk banter, almost as if someone were talking about the weather.

mikemac

Truth is there are many girls that some might percieve as unattractive who would love your problem
And there are many attractive girls who love the attention and would probably be unhappy if the builders whistled at other girls and not at them

Just react with a put-down.......in a nice way of course

"Take your time on this job guys. You'll be on the dole after you've finished"

I like the one if they are Irish say "where in Eastern Europe are you from? You've picked up the Irish accent very well"

LegacyUser

you have very little to worry about

PeakOutput

op your over reacting big time

maybe if they were being crude or vulgar but they are simply saying 'hello gorgeous' accordingg to you take the damn compliment fr god sake

gaz wac

Deleted User wrote: »

You never know.. you might just miss them when they're inevitably gone..... home to Poland

Leeby

I hate that! I used to have that problem walking to college. I just stuck in a pair of earphones and it was grand, that way you don't have to acknowledge them at all cos they know you can't hear them.

Builders are hilarious though, imagine being in work and seeing someone walk by and thinking to yourself "I know what I'll do! I'll leer at them and see if they get embarressed". In any other job you'd be in a hell of a lot of trouble for hanging out your office window, shouting at passers by!

Pigletlover

Harmless fun imo, I'm surprised at the number of people suggesting you make a formal complaint. I have to pass builders on my way to and from work every day I get all the the 'howya's', 'nice day ' comments and the odd whistle. It's a bit embarassing, but I know not to take it too seriously, I know it's nothing personal and the next remotely attractive girl to pass will get the same reaction from them.

Macha

Leeby wrote: »

Builders are hilarious though, imagine being in work and seeing someone walk by and thinking to yourself "I know what I'll do! I'll leer at them and see if they get embarressed". In any other job you'd be in a hell of a lot of trouble for hanging out your office window, shouting at passers by!

LOL - the mental image of the guys in the recruitment agency I used to work in sticking their heads out the window & whistling at girls walking past! They'd be out on their ear.

*But sure they're men-they can't help it. It's biological. What's more, they're builders and we all know what uncouth, unlearned people they are. And OP - you should feel lucky, honoured and priviledged to be the subject of so much male attention because we all know that the worst fate for any woman in this world is to be considered unattractive*

But really the best way to deal with it is give as good as you get. However, if you feel in any way threatened, don't hesitate to speak to the site manager.

*sarcasm

roberta c

Ok for all the people saying "you should be lucky, imagine if you were ugly and they wouldnt say anything at all, now that would be horrible!"
(who in gods nane relies on builders wolfwhistling for self esteem?!)

That is absolute boll**s! the woman said she was shy and had an issues with people saying things AT her. Its not a conversation when builders do this, there not looking for a plesant converstation about the weather, there looking for you to react in a way to entertain them. There bored in there jobs looking for something to take there mind off it. a group of lads showing off to each other by making strange women feel uncomfortable.. now what does that sound like.... a group of teenagers by the supermarket scaring lone middleaged folk for the laugh? A bunch of white(or aisian/black etc.) guys catcalling at a lone black(aisin white etc.) guy making him feel uncomfortable for there own amusement?.. doesnt sound so right when placed in other contexts so i guess that means ITS NOT OK. If she feels uncomfortable then its DEFFINATELY NOT OK. its bullying for chrissake!

Just because something happens regularly does not make it alright. If something makes a person uncomfortable enough to come on boards and ask for advice then its definately not alright.

Call the building company and them them you dont want there workers approaching you anymore. it makes you feel uncomfortable, not one should be made to feel like this for other amusement.

roberta c

this is an article i found that the OP and posters might find interesting
http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2008/08/16/feminism-friday-why-if-you-think-women-should-be-flattered-by-your-harassment-you-are-stupid/

It’s not up to you what I find flattering

The first problem with thinking a woman should be flattered by your behavior and getting irritated when she’s not is that flattery is subjective. Some people are flattered by comments about how smart they are. Others want to hear how good they look. And some of us react warily whenever someone seems to be attempting to flatter us because we assume they’re buttering us up for a favor.

If a woman doesn’t take what you intended as a compliment the way you expect, the correct response is to recognize you’ve had a communication problem, and it might be that she misunderstood you but it might also be that you don’t sound like you think you do. To think of her, call her, or later describe her to your friends as an “uptight bitch” is an attempt to feel superior to her - to label her as defective. Because that is the real reason you’re yelling at her - to, in some way, make yourself feel superior. If that weren’t true - if you really just found her appealing and were hoping for her phone number - you’d be anxious to correct the communication problem and, with any luck, actually get that number.

Approaching women in packs isn’t flattering. In fact, it’s threatening.

Being approached by a group of strangers rather than one lone stranger is always intimidating, no matter your gender, the context, or how big and strong you are. Being outnumbered by people you don’t know well enough to trust gets your guard up. You know this because you are alive on Earth and you’ve been approached by a group of strangers at some point in your existence. You know what that feels like. And you can’t seriously think that when the strangers are commenting flatteringly on her body (which is most likely less physically imposing than any one of theirs) this mitigates the effect. It’s often quite the opposite, in fact, as it calls attention to her vulnerability.

You know deep down it’s not flattering; that’s just your excuse.

If you’re honest with yourself, you know it’s not really about how attractive she is. It’s about one of two things:

* The men. Most often, catcalling at a woman is a way men socialize with each other. You’re trying to impress each other with who can say the most outrageous things, or who can get a smile or glance from the most passing women. The woman is just part of the scenery, so it’s no surprise you’re oblivious to her feelings. Her responses don’t represent a person with sensitivities to you; they represent a finish line, and tell you whether or not your verbal volleys are scoring.
* Intimidating women. For every bunch of guys who thinks catcalling is harmless because they know their own motives aren’t hateful, there’s one guy who really hates women and revels in feeling that a woman is afraid of him. He thinks his buddies feel the same way, and when they engage in the same behavior, they are (perhaps unwittingly) encouraging him.

Whether you’re merely insensitive to what strange women feel or actually hate them doesn’t really matter. The behavior was invented by men who hate women, and by participating in it - in fact, by not calling on other men to stop doing it - you’re encouraging misogynistic attitudes whether you mean to or not, whether you share them or not.

It’s not so much what you say as how you say it

Flirtation can be edgy, even with strangers. People often think the whole “politically correct” movement is about a list of words and gestures you can or can’t use, and all you have to do is follow the “good” list (which leads to eye-rolling logic like this: “Okay, guys, we can’t yell Suck me! at them anymore, so I guess we’ll yell Come sit in my lap! instead”), but it’s not that simple. It’s mostly about listening and paying attention to the signals the person you’re talking to gives off in response to you. This is something everyone has to do in flirting - even women. Even really gorgeous or rich people. Communication is a tricky thing, and we all make mistakes in it, but listening is the most important tool. (In fact, listening is probably the top skill that enables people who aren’t gorgeous, rich, or witty to attract those who are.)

But harassment isn’t communication

The best definition of “harassment” (of any sort) I can give you is one-way communication. It’s that simple. It doesn’t even have to involve an ugly motive; it’s just someone talking at you instead of with you. While everyone has a different tolerance for that sort of behavior, no one likes it and that’s why you need to stop when someone tells you to back off. The man who yells at a woman about her boobs isn’t engaging with her; he’s talking at her. The religious zealot co-worker who lectures you about your evil ways every day at work isn’t engaging with you; she sees you only as a potential point on her score card of godliness. When someone’s engaging with you, they stop to listen. That’s how you know the difference.

Slow Motion

People saying it's a bit of banter / get over it, is a load of crap, if the OP doesn't like it they shouldn't have to put up with it. Why is it OK just because you are a builder that you can go up to complete strangers and start flirting / making inneuendos. To those who think it's OK, do you think it is OK for some randomer to walk up to you on O'Connell St and start making advances? Would you think it a bit of harmless sidewalk banter, or would you find it a bit wierd/creepy/threatening? What is the difference between this and a builder on a site?

Karen_*

PeakOutput wrote: »

op your over reacting big time

maybe if they were being crude or vulgar but they are simply saying 'hello gorgeous' accordingg to you take the damn compliment fr god sake

+1

There are two options. Ignore them or wave back. They won't building there forever. Its not rocket science.

roberta c

Those two options you just suggested both make the OP feel uncomfortable.
There are more than two options
Option 3) ring the company, they dont want the behavior of there (slacking off) staff to get them sued. Its only fair to let them know!

Option 4: Get them out, and give 'em a good jiggle.........

srsly though, The only reason they do it is trying to get a reaction by embarassing you. You could try Ruu's method and single out one of them for a bit of stick (I'm trying to get a tan but yore belly's blocking out the sun) but this would lead them to believe that you were up for a bit of banter (which is all it is really).

As hard as it might be, just ignore them. The advice of being on the phone or having headphones in is gold. Go with that.

To those who think it's OK, do you think it is OK for some randomer to walk up to you on O'Connell St and start making advances? Would you think it a bit of harmless sidewalk banter, or would you find it a bit wierd/creepy/threatening? What is the difference between this and a builder on a site?

There's no difference, but here's the thing.....whats wrong with somebody chatting you up on the street? Does flattery/charm/whatever not exist outside of a pub/nightclub setting?

It only becomes a problem when they persist despite being told, in no uncertain manner, that they're being a nuisance.

Also, lol at the poster who compared it to bullying. Get a grip, FFS.

Karen_*

roberta c wrote: »

Those two options you just suggested both make the OP feel uncomfortable.
There are more than two options
Option 3) ring the company, they dont want the behavior of there (slacking off) staff to get them sued. Its only fair to let them know!

And what's the fourth option? Because option 3 is a bit OTT but yes the OP could do that if its causing her such deep distress. I don't think paying someone a compliment would reap thousands in damages for the poor victim if the company were to be sued.

PeakOutput

maybe if women were not so uptight / superior / rude about guys approaching them / complimenting them saying hi or generally being nice guys wouldnt feel so threatened by them in general and feel the need to resort to having to get drunk or be in packs to say nice things to them

OF COURSE its ok to approach a woman on oconnel street and 'chat her up' as long as your not molesting her and know when to leave if she is not interested same for women approaching guys

this country seems to have it so ingrained in their heads that we need to go to a pub or a club get pissed and approach someone from behind on a dancefloor to start a relationship with them its ridicolous

the fact that women automatically assume that what the builders are saying is coming from a malicious or sleezy place is what the problem is. guys are just as insecure as women are and (while its distasteful...ish) they are just saying things they wish they had the balls to say to you if they were on their own and saw you walking down the street or in a cafe or whatever

edit;and i think the op not being able to take a compliment is the root of the problem and its HER problem

Slow Motion

PeakOutput wrote: »

OF COURSE its ok to approach a woman on oconnel street and 'chat her up' as long as your not molesting her and know when to leave if she is not interested same for women approaching guys

edit;and i think the op not being able to take a compliment is the root of the problem and its HER problem

So if it is the same person every day and he always has a few work collegues with him, and you don't give him any encouragement? That I think is the root of the OPs problem!

PeakOutput

Slow Motion wrote: »

So if it is the same person every day and he always has a few work collegues with him, and you don't give him any encouragement? That I think is the root of the OPs problem!

you can add as many if ands or buts as you like but thats not what i said and not giving encouragement is not the same as telling them they are annoying you insulting you or whatever.......be clear polite and direct after that if they continue fair enough they are in the wrong but thinking 'what nerve' just because someone had the courage to walk up and talk to you is pretty arrogant but thats off topic


they are not approaching her or following her or stalking her they are complimenting her.

id be the first to say there is a line that if they cross it she should ring up and make a complaint but from the op they are nowhere near that line yet. it is beyond me how someone can get offended at being called beautifull....beyond me

LegacyUser

They are not complimenting her in a nice way. They are intimidating her, they may be calling her gorgeous, but that is more to embarass her than to genuinely compliment her.
I find it very intimidating walking by builders. I hate that they shout out their comments. It is incredibly embarassing, unwanted and if you have to pass them every day it is a bloody nuisance.

I pity the girl that thinks a shout or cheer from a builder is a compliment. It's not. It's them having a laugh, at your expense.

I'm guessing most of the people saying its ok are mainly male, apart from the odd female who obviously enjoys the attention. I don't and to have to go through that every day is really, really horrible.

If you say something to them, they just think game on, and that's it, it gets worse. I'm not naturally a smart arse, so I couldn't keep that up. Most women hate it. Most women find it intimidating. And most will avoid it where possible.

Dimitri

Would you think it a bit of harmless sidewalk banter, or would you find it a bit wierd/creepy/threatening? What is the difference between this and a builder on a site?

Would it really be that creepy if you passed the same person everyday and they started saying hello? I don't think so, odd prehaps but certainly not threatening.

tallaghtoutlaws

Slow Motion wrote: »

People saying it's a bit of banter / get over it, is a load of crap, if the OP doesn't like it they shouldn't have to put up with it. Why is it OK just because you are a builder that you can go up to complete strangers and start flirting / making inneuendos. To those who think it's OK, do you think it is OK for some randomer to walk up to you on O'Connell St and start making advances? Would you think it a bit of harmless sidewalk banter, or would you find it a bit wierd/creepy/threatening? What is the difference between this and a builder on a site?

Hold on a second you have wandered off the point all together.

Firstly most of what builders say are harmless yes embarring to most but harmless.

Secondly they are not trying make any advance on anyone and they dont walk up to them either.

Thirdly they are 98% not trying to flirt they are bored and nothing better to do with their time but shout randomness at passing girls.

Huge difference to what you are harping on about than what the OP suggested.

No one is justifying creepyness or bad inuendo or threatning behaviour becuase none of these things are what builders do. I have done it and will put my hand up and say yes I have sat there with the boys and shouted at passers by but none of it was to try and flirt or make advances or to be threatning in any way. It was simply to get a reaction end of. Jesus get a grip ffs.

tallaghtoutlaws

Unregistered wrote: »

They are not complimenting her in a nice way. They are intimidating her, they may be calling her gorgeous, but that is more to embarass her than to genuinely compliment her.
I find it very intimidating walking by builders. I hate that they shout out their comments. It is incredibly embarassing, unwanted and if you have to pass them every day it is a bloody nuisance.

What would you rather though they shout leud comments at her instead??

Instead of aying good morning beautiful or georgious they shout alright you ugly bit*h or sl*g or something. Look as hard as society tries the good aul building banter is going no where as it is too hard to draw a line through some of what builders are saying. If profanities and leaud remarks came out yes you would expect it be put to a stop but the fact of the matter is some people over react to playful banter. Have you never been told growing up things like

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt you?" or "Ignore it"

Society has become to fickle for its own good. We as a nation tend to complain about the most trivial things.

Brian Capture

tallaghtoutlaws wrote: »

I worked on a building site and have a degree so Im braindead am I? It was bloody good money.:rolleyes:

I worked on a building site for two summers when I was in college. With one exception all the other builders read The Sun, The Mirror and The Star. As a result they were largely uncultured, racist, sexist and generally ignorant.

The exception dude read The Irish Times. He was sound.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

tallaghtoutlaws

Brian Capture wrote: »

I worked on a building site for two summers when I was in college. With one exception all the other builders read The Sun, The Mirror and The Star. As a result they were largely uncultured, racist, sexist and generally ignorant.

The exception dude read The Irish Times. He was sound.

So you make a generilisation about builders and you once did it yourself :rolleyes:

You can't tar everyone by the same brush and by what newspaper they read ffs I read both kinds. You might aswell say that anyone who reads The Sun or Star or whatever are largely uncultered, racist, sexist and ignorant because in essence thats what you are saying. Very snobbish but thats another argument. I have worked on many sites and and there are all walks of life, some smart, some slow, some scum but you can't tar every builder with the same brush it makes you a tad ignorant no in fairness.

jaybo1

is this thread seriously still going on?

facts

1. men like women

2. builders whistle at women and holler (since mankind began whether they are builders or not)

if you are uncomfortable with it approach them OP, and explain it to them. if you are not comfortable doing that then just ignore them. It should not affect your life.

and for all those saying it is bullying etc, whatever. It has been happening since the dawn of mankind. What issue is being raised here exactly?

Is this new bullying a fad? PC brigade up in arms? It is newsworthy. Men working cat call at woman walking by.

Yet women leave kids in creches and need to have their professions until it suits them to just shut up shop. Another issue, i guess.

Brian Capture

Thaedydal wrote: »

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

I was replying to TallaghtOutlaws' post. I needed to clarify my position. Given that it related to builders I am surprised you consider it 'off topic'.

Your post reminds me of a generic reply from ebay when you mail them about a dispute.

Automated and austere.