Attractive female late 30s no luck in love

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I am female in her late 30s quite attractive, bubbly personality, but find it impossible to meet a nice guy. I tend to go out a lot but cant meet a nice guy, dont know where I am going wrong, I have a lot of friends also with the same problem. Where do you meet a nice guy? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Tks.

Cadyboo

Have a few friends in your position also. And they tend to meet and chat to guys in smoke rooms in pubs, or meet people through friends!

Liam Byrne

If it's any consolation, us guys find it tough to meet anyone worthwhile too; nightclubs and the usual "scene" are usually a dead loss for meeting anyone....apparently they're fine for talking drunken crap or drunken one-nighters, if that's what you're into, but it's tough to strike up a proper conversations or have a laugh with someone.

Weddings and house parties seem to be the best places to get chatting and get to know someone some bit....but hey, where there's life there's hope!!!

Best of luck!

St Bill

Yeah clubs and pubs are all fine and dandy when you're in your twenties, but unfortunately the veneer doesn't last too long!

The gym is a good place to meet people, GAA social nights/pub quizzes and the like

Pete4779

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey there,

I am female in her late 30s quite attractive, bubbly personality, but find it impossible to meet a nice guy. I tend to go out a lot but cant meet a nice guy, dont know where I am going wrong, I have a lot of friends also with the same problem. Where do you meet a nice guy? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Tks.

You have hobbies, interests, activities? What is "going out" - going to the pubs or bars? You are likely to meet people who like going to bars when you are out.

Also, what is a "nice guy", that is a pretty meaningless term TBH. So I think that purely based on your post (superficial I know), you don't know what you do yourself or what you are into, and you don't know what type of guys you are into.

Nice guy = guy who most girls don't look at when they are in their twenties, or is a doormat, etc., .

Dudess

My uncle met his wife (who was your age at the time) at tennis classes - any indoor places or squash clubs convenient to you?

LegacyUser

I'd echo Dudess's post above.

When you say you 'go out' where do you go and with whom?

If you're always hitting pubs and clubs, you'll always get what you always got.

Some of my friends ask the same questions about being single and where to meet a decent guy but TBH they're unlikely to meet a fella at a salsa or flower arranging class!

(tip: you'll be falling over men in a car maintenance/martial arts class)

TheDriver

Pete4779 wrote: »

Also, what is a "nice guy", that is a pretty meaningless term TBH. So I think that purely based on your post (superficial I know), you don't know what you do yourself or what you are into, and you don't know what type of guys you are into.
.

+1, nice guys get nowhere in their 20's and apparently nice guys are not attractive to women. BUt nice guys can be adventurous, a laugh and kind behind it all.
Try Net dating, worked great for me.

af_thefragile

There could be many factors to this.
Like are you giving off a very uninviting/snobbish feel about you that puts people off from approaching you. Or are you being too friendly that they just end up considering you as a good friend.

Pubs and Clubs are not the best places to meet people. They're mostly drunk and all you'll end up doing is making out with them which will usually lead you nowhere.
If you wanna meet someone for a relationship, you've gotta step out and look around. Maybe join some sports club, take up some of those group exercises in the gym. Or go to gigs (gigs are much better place to meet people than in pubs/clubs). If they're at the gig, the chances are they like their music and the band too and there's instantly something you've both got in common and it can give you something to speak about.

Like you can't just sit there and wait for it to happen. It rarely happens that way. You've gotta go out there and make it happen. You're not gonna get a handsome prince come upto you on his horse and ask you to marry him. Not in real life. You've gotta go out there, speak to the guys, find the nice guy, bring out the prince in him (no, not the musician!) and write up your own fairy tale!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your input, I actually am a member of two sports clubs, I go to gigs quite often and socialise quite a bit, so I am putting myself out there......

Clare Bear

Online dating maybe? Worth a try anyway and better than getting chatted up by drunken eejits every weekend.

Bonzo1970

Its hard to give an answer without knowing you, but here goes. I presume you have had a few relationships,so its worth examining yourself- why they ended. Some girls can expect full on devotion from the word go. Or they get scared when they get it!

Secondly I read an interesting piece where a guy did a study in which he felt the reason why attractive girls end up alone, is that they are too fussy at a crucial stage in the mating game-late 20s early 30s. They think they can do better but its like musical chairs. They leave it too late-the music stops,people pair off and they are left alone. There are more dregs in the late 30s ,out there ,but some decent guys too!
I would place an ad. You will meet weirdos but could meet some decent guys.Keep initial date to coffee during a saturday. That way you can get away quickly. 1 out of 4 Americans meet this way now, and I have a good friend who met his wife this way.

LegacyUser

I do be amazed when i see posts up like yours saying " i can't meet a man". i'm in my mid 20's but on nights out if you try approach a girl for a chat you can get told to "f@ck off" quiet quickly. I think unless you look like Brad pitt when you approach a girl they arent interested. I actually dont bother trying to talk to girls in pub etc. as its way too tough. Normally i wait for a girl to give a bit of eye contact or neary a thumbs up as if to say "you can talk to me now, i've approved you". The only thing i can say to you is try drop your defence a bit, and seem easy going (not easy). Men have the same problems as you!

af_thefragile

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for all your input, I actually am a member of two sports clubs, I go to gigs quite often and socialise quite a bit, so I am putting myself out there......

Guess then you're already making progress with step 1!
Now all you've gotta do is work on step 2 and from there.
Make sure you're constantly meeting and getting to know new people everytime you go to a gig or go out socialising. Make it a point that every gig you go to, you meet atleast one new person over there.
(I do this myself and I can say till now every gig i've been to, i've met atleast one new person at each one, though i never followed up or took their number is a different point!!)

But yeah, don't just meet people. Thats just the step one. Make sure you get their number and step 2, make sure you follow up on them. Call them or text them and set up a date or anything, but do something. Don't just sit there with a bunch of numbers in your phonebook not doing anything about them (like i do!! ). Call em, text them, make plans, do anything!

And finally make sure you're not coming off too friendly that people just end up considering you as a friend (or worse you end up coming off as a needy person and scare people off) or you become too snobbish that people just stop bothering with you. Find the middle ground. Just be normal!! Be yourself! Remember, you always want them to love you for who you are, not what you're pretending to be like!!


Oh and just to ad one tip:
Try going out sometime just on your own. Don't go out with a friend or something. Just go out to gigs or socialising yourself. That way you'll feel compelled to approach and speak to new people. You'll be amazed how easy it is to get to know new people and speak to them!

LegacyUser

at your age you have probably had a few relationships. where did you meet those people. would you consider yourself friendly and inviting

Kell

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for all your input, I actually am a member of two sports clubs, I go to gigs quite often and socialise quite a bit, so I am putting myself out there......

Its a numbers game. x amount of speaking to people + x amount of gathering telephone numbers + x amount of dates = potential for meeting someone perfect for you.

Some folk are lucky and wind up with perfect partner after 1-2 attempts. Some will take many many attempts before they get it right, but the thing to remember, talk to everyone that crosses your path with gleeful abandon and an air of "I dont give a fúck". The ones who look like they dont care always attract the most attention.

K-

35notout

If you find the answer - let me know !

mamablue

Pretty girls always get the raw deal because they attract the wrong kind of men for the wrong reasons. Men fall in love with them very fast and after promessing the moon they fall out of love even faster.

ou could try www.okcupid.com it's free and after answering lots of questions it matches you to likeminded people. Lots of fun!

not yet

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey there,

I am female in her late 30s quite attractive, bubbly personality, but find it impossible to meet a nice guy. I tend to go out a lot but cant meet a nice guy, dont know where I am going wrong, I have a lot of friends also with the same problem. Where do you meet a nice guy? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Tks.

My place.............!!!

Marksie

Not yet: infracted: off topic posting

smashey

OP, fear not. My wife and I met in a pub when we were both in our mid thirties. (Both 36). We literally walked into each other at the entrance to the toilets.

Dudess

smashey wrote: »

we were both in our mid thirties. (Both 26).

Come again? I'm confuzzled - which was it?

smashey

Dudess wrote: »

Come again? I'm confuzzled - which was it?

Dohhhhhhhhhh.

36.

DenMan

OP what do you like to do outside of work? Are you any good at writing by any chance. If you enjoy it then really consider joing a creative writing classs. If not then even consider about doing a part time course at evenings or on a Saturday. Find something you like/enjoy and in no time you will be surrounded by like minded individuals. I liked the going to gigs tip, that is a terrific idea, one that has worked for me personally. I would definitely up my gig count if I were you. Brilliant for meeting new people and it's great because you are surrounded by people with the same/similar tastes as your own. Hope it works out for you.

On a side note smashey. Which was it, mid twenties or mid thirties?

LegacyUser

There is a reason women tell men to f**k off.

It's not because they are bad looking.

It's because their voice is a quivering quiet wreck, they lean in and they ask the same boring questions ie. whats your name, where are you from.

Walk over to a group of women and say some statement with a smile on your face such as I love chocalate and project your voice in a postive dominant.

Women test men to see if they have balls. They might make fun of your clothes or say anything that will make you self conscious. If you appear unaffected by what they say and keep talking you pass the test and her attraction for you grows. I've approached many women, talking to them is easy with the right mindset, even the bitchy looking ones.

Bottom line; you can talk to whoever you want and a girl can tell you to f**k off if she wants.

Example:

guy: Hey, you two seem fun, I had to come over and say hi for a sec.

girl: We're actually trying to have a conversation here.

guy: thats so weird, I'm trying to have a conversation too, you look like the good one and you look like the bad one. bla bla bla

The most important thing is you maintain your happy state and remain calm and chill.

Moral of the story: grow some balls

JB1

Try internet dating-worked great for me!

00_katie_00

smashey wrote: »

OP, fear not. My wife and I met in a pub when we were both in our mid thirties. (Both 36). We literally walked into each other at the entrance to the toilets.

Glad I met my partner while in my early twenties then... what a way of meeting someone... sounds so romantic... the entrance to the toilets? haha:p

smashey

00_katie_00 wrote: »

Glad I met my partner while in my early twenties then... what a way of meeting someone... sounds so romantic... the entrance to the toilets? haha:p

Love can strike at anytime and anywhere.

Blackpitts

Unregistered wrote: »

I do be amazed when i see posts up like yours saying " i can't meet a man". i'm in my mid 20's but on nights out if you try approach a girl for a chat you can get told to "f@ck off" quiet quickly. I think unless you look like Brad pitt when you approach a girl they arent interested. I actually dont bother trying to talk to girls in pub etc. as its way too tough. Normally i wait for a girl to give a bit of eye contact or neary a thumbs up as if to say "you can talk to me now, i've approved you". The only thing i can say to you is try drop your defence a bit, and seem easy going (not easy). Men have the same problems as you!

+1!!

standing ovation for you!

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

There is a reason women tell men to f**k off.

It's not because they are bad looking.

It's because their voice is a quivering quiet wreck, they lean in and they ask the same boring questions ie. whats your name, where are you from.

Walk over to a group of women and say some statement with a smile on your face such as I love chocalate and project your voice in a postive dominant.

Women test men to see if they have balls. They might make fun of your clothes or say anything that will make you self conscious. If you appear unaffected by what they say and keep talking you pass the test and her attraction for you grows. I've approached many women, talking to them is easy with the right mindset, even the bitchy looking ones.

Bottom line; you can talk to whoever you want and a girl can tell you to f**k off if she wants.

Example:

guy: Hey, you two seem fun, I had to come over and say hi for a sec.

girl: We're actually trying to have a conversation here.

guy: thats so weird, I'm trying to have a conversation too, you look like the good one and you look like the bad one. bla bla bla

The most important thing is you maintain your happy state and remain calm and chill.

Moral of the story: grow some balls

pua??:D

SW81

Online dating. Connectingsingles or plentyoffish.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

There is a reason women tell men to f**k off.

It's not because they are bad looking.

It's because their voice is a quivering quiet wreck, they lean in and they ask the same boring questions ie. whats your name, where are you from.

Walk over to a group of women and say some statement with a smile on your face such as I love chocalate and project your voice in a postive dominant.

Women test men to see if they have balls. They might make fun of your clothes or say anything that will make you self conscious. If you appear unaffected by what they say and keep talking you pass the test and her attraction for you grows. I've approached many women, talking to them is easy with the right mindset, even the bitchy looking ones.

Bottom line; you can talk to whoever you want and a girl can tell you to f**k off if she wants.

Example:

guy: Hey, you two seem fun, I had to come over and say hi for a sec.

girl: We're actually trying to have a conversation here.

guy: thats so weird, I'm trying to have a conversation too, you look like the good one and you look like the bad one. bla bla bla

The most important thing is you maintain your happy state and remain calm and chill.

Moral of the story: grow some balls

OK, considering the advice and help I posted earlier, I sincerely hope this isn't the same "Unregistered" as the OP.....given the "I've approached many women" I presume it's not, but it had better not be.....

NO-ONE has a right to tell someone to "**** off" for simply coming over and saying hi or saying "whats your name" or "where are you from". It's rude, arrogant and full of ****, frankly. :mad:

But then, if they're the type of women who ".....test men to see if they have balls [or] make fun of your clothes or say anything that will make you self conscious......" then they're simply not worth knowing......and the best course of action if someone is that rude is to roll your eyes and walk away.

A bit of banter or slagging is great, but acting the asshole is rude and obnoxious. This American imported "attitude" is a complete turn-off, anyway.....

I remember getting the better of someone I was seeing in a slagging match one day (as should happen in a healthy relationship - you win some you lose some, but it's all craic/slagging) and she came back with "welcome to dumpsville" in front of all her friends; I remember thinking that if she says that once more I'll let her know that I'll buy the bus ticket there myself ....

Rudeness is not an attractive characteristic......

Gyalist

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey there,

I am female in her late 30s quite attractive, bubbly personality, but find it impossible to meet a nice guy. I tend to go out a lot but cant meet a nice guy, dont know where I am going wrong, I have a lot of friends also with the same problem. Where do you meet a nice guy? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Tks.

My suggestion is that you should never describe yourself as having a "bubbly personality". To most people that I know, bubbly personality = annoying.

Icdb

try to go out without expecting or trying to meet anyone.. just go out for fun.. and as the saying goes.. good things come to those who wait...

myself being a single male mid 30's (33) nice guy.. i'll wait and bide my time... drunken hook ups arent great.. but hey youre allowed to have fun while ur looking for the one

LegacyUser

Icdb wrote: »

try to go out without expecting or trying to meet anyone.. just go out for fun.. and as the saying goes.. good things come to those who wait...

myself being a single male mid 30's (33) nice guy.. i'll wait and bide my time... drunken hook ups arent great.. but hey youre allowed to have fun while ur looking for the one

Erm,
I know your trying to help but if someone is getting any attention then how can deliberatley NOT trying to engage with people going to help? You'll be totally ignore...

Good things don't come to those who wait.. nothing comes to those who sit backa nd wait...

I don't get this. Single hookps or anything serious, nothing works fr myself. Its useless.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

Erm,
I know your trying to help but if someone is getting any attention then how can deliberatley NOT trying to engage with people going to help? You'll be totally ignore...

Good things don't come to those who wait.. nothing comes to those who sit backa nd wait...

I don't get this. Single hookps or anything serious, nothing works fr myself. Its useless.

Therein lies the dilemma. But Icdb is right; if you "go out looking to score", you either (a) won't or (b) will attract the slappers and players that you don't want anyway.

Just ditch the word "trying" from every sentence; if you go out and be confident and have fun, then you will attract attention without "trying to" attract attention; i.e. you're doing what you're doing, being yourself, and that attracts attention, but simply because it's not the REASON you're doing it.

Karen_*

Get out there and have fun, m,eet people and be involved and what's meant for you won't pass you by. No one can say 'the one is waiting for you on 27th Nov 2009 in Cafe En Seine'. Above all be happy with yourself and see meeting someone as a bonus as opposed to the be all and end all of everything. Its hard when you feel lonely but you really don't know what's around the corner.

TripleAce

Gyalist wrote: »

My suggestion is that you should never describe yourself as having a "bubbly personality". To most people that I know, bubbly personality = annoying.

Usually bubbly personality=fat in my book

Wibbs

TripleAce if you don't have something constructive to add, don't click on the post button. Please read the charter.

DenMan

TripleAce wrote: »

Usually bubbly personality=fat in my book

You need a good kick up the backside.

Wibbs

DenMan while you're opinion has some provocation, it has been noted and dealt with. Off charter posting is not on and suggesting kicking backsides is also against the charter. Official warning.

TripleAce

I am actually pretty serious on this point - a lot of people (especially woman) describing themselves as having "bubbly personality" are overweight.

You may not agree with this but it is statistically proven. Please don't ban me for giving my honest opinion!

I am actually trying to help OP here....and I hope this can help OP in case she decide to go for Online Dating, so she can build her profile properly.
Some definitions women will use online, and their translations:

'bubbly' - fat
'curvacious' - fat
'cuddly' - fat
'larger than life' - fat
'BBW' - very fat
'my friends say I'm attractive' - unattractive. You're friends would say that, otherwise they're bad friends'
'I'm not bad looking' - I'm average
'english rose' - plain
'i like romantic evenings in' - slightly needy
'not looking for sex' - looking for sex but trying to justify herself
Any kind of pre-introduction, i.e. 'So, about me', 'a bit about me', 'what I'm looking for' - slightly insecure
'Message me' - Don't message her. She's overselling herself.

PeakOutput

Unregistered wrote: »

There is a reason women tell men to f**k off.

It's not because they are bad looking.

It's because their voice is a quivering quiet wreck, they lean in and they ask the same boring questions ie. whats your name, where are you from.

Walk over to a group of women and say some statement with a smile on your face such as I love chocalate and project your voice in a postive dominant.

Women test men to see if they have balls. They might make fun of your clothes or say anything that will make you self conscious. If you appear unaffected by what they say and keep talking you pass the test and her attraction for you grows. I've approached many women, talking to them is easy with the right mindset, even the bitchy looking ones.

Bottom line; you can talk to whoever you want and a girl can tell you to f**k off if she wants.

Example:

guy: Hey, you two seem fun, I had to come over and say hi for a sec.

girl: We're actually trying to have a conversation here.

guy: thats so weird, I'm trying to have a conversation too, you look like the good one and you look like the bad one. bla bla bla

The most important thing is you maintain your happy state and remain calm and chill.

Moral of the story: grow some balls

wow someone has been reading the game or watching vh1s pickup artist

edit; for guys (and possibly girls) the game by neill strauss is a good insight google it you can probably find it as an ebook if you know were to look

St Bill

TripleAce wrote: »

'bubbly' - fat
'curvacious' - fat
'cuddly' - fat
'larger than life' - fat
'BBW' - very fat
'my friends say I'm attractive' - unattractive. You're friends would say that, otherwise they're bad friends'
'I'm not bad looking' - I'm average
'english rose' - plain
'i like romantic evenings in' - slightly needy
'not looking for sex' - looking for sex but trying to justify herself
Any kind of pre-introduction, i.e. 'So, about me', 'a bit about me', 'what I'm looking for' - slightly insecure
'Message me' - Don't message her. She's overselling herself.

It must've taken you some amount of time to compile that dictionary. Reading between the lines of YOUR post, if you were a decent guy, you'd be with a nice girl now and not have the need to date these 'dictionary disasters' :P.

TripleAce

St Bill wrote: »

It must've taken you some amount of time to compile that dictionary. Reading between the lines of YOUR post, if you were a decent guy, you'd be with a nice girl now and not have the need to date these 'dictionary disasters' :P.

Well, I took them from the internet

I am with a lovely girl indeed

St Bill

Looks like I was wrong to read between the lines then, wasn't it?

Oryx

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey there,

I am female in her late 30s quite attractive, bubbly personality, but find it impossible to meet a nice guy. I tend to go out a lot but cant meet a nice guy, dont know where I am going wrong, I have a lot of friends also with the same problem. Where do you meet a nice guy? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Tks.

I havent read the thread, so maybe this has been said. Men (initially imo anyway) dont want bubbly. They want sexy, cheeky, fun. But not cuddly and not bubbly. It just paints a picture of a jolly hockey sticks gal, when they want one of the pussy cat dolls.

And if you want to meet a man, basically, stop trying. Go out to meet people. Go to things that you like, be that rockclimbing, salsa dancing or scuba diving. Youll be in a circle of people who have common interests, and you might find that you meet a man that suits you because you are following your interests rather than seeking lurve.

LegacyUser

To be honest, I'm like the original poster...

I'm 24 and decent looking, good money, job, etc....

I've been single for over a year and havent' so much as kissed a girl...

If I'm forward and confident girls think I'm an ass and won't have anything to do with me.
If I my more natural quiet self and play it cool and wait til she sees me for what I am she never notices, just disappears because I'm not biating her with attention anymore.


Nothing works. Nobody likes me, I must be weird or something.

Reesy

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't get this. Single hookps or anything serious, nothing works fr myself. Its useless.

Sorry to hear that, OP. I know how lonely it can be.

Maybe it's time to look more closely at where exactly it's going wrong, for example:
- Do you have casual conversations with men?
- Do you have fun, warm conversations with men?
- Do you have close relationships with any men?

Did you ever get feedback (directly or thru mutual friends) from the men that things have not worked out with? - or wise words from male friends?

And finally, did you ever think of talking it thru with a therapist / counsellor?

Good luck.

The Mighty Ken

Unregistered wrote: »

Women test men to see if they have balls. They might make fun of your clothes or say anything that will make you self conscious. If you appear unaffected by what they say and keep talking you pass the test and her attraction for you grows.

Yeah, I've noticed social retardation has been imported wholesale from the US in recent years. It's a decent indicator for avoiding certain women though.

dixiefly

TheDriver wrote: »

+1, nice guys get nowhere in their 20's and apparently nice guys are not attractive to women. BUt nice guys can be adventurous, a laugh and kind behind it all.
Try Net dating, worked great for me.

A good few years ago I was told by a girl when breaking up with me that I was "too nice". I mean WTF.

I would agree that many women in their 20's are not interested in nice and (seemingly) quiet guys. I am probably more streetwise now and would probably be a lot more oputgoing if living the single life again.

I often wonder do some women regret going for the more wild types when they were younger - and end up single - same can be said for guys.

I would advise the OP to try to be more aware of possible guys that she may meet in everyday life. As has been advised, participation in a club etc or just generally putting out nice friendly vibes. Remember, you are not going to get raped by saying hello or being friendly to a guy you may meet while shopping. Some women have an inbuild shield (maybe drummed into them from early childhood) that tells them to almost ignore any idle chat a guy they dont know may make to them. And then some of them wonder why they never meet anyone?? I am not saying that the OP is like that - it is just my experience that many women wont take the risk in even chatting to a man they wont know but if they happen to get to know you a bit then they are almost all over you.