What kind of cyclist are you?

Raam

I've put together a short, tongue-in-cheek run down of various types of cyclists I've encountered over the years. Feel free to add your own :pac:

Grimpeur
Can sprint, can't descend, get's blown backwards by a head wind. When they fall off their bikes, they float to the ground. Usually has their full winter gear on for coffee stops. Will drop you like a hot potato on the Sally Gap. Possibly the sexiest body type of all cyclists.

Sprinter
Code word for "I have a few extra pounds". Uses these extra pounds to catch climbers on descents. Disguises this by saying "I just have more bottle than you". Used by climbers to conserve energy up to the foot of the Sally Gap.

Le High-vis Commuter
Manages to stay alive despite daily brushses with death that they don't even know about. Appear to be protected by some invisible force which allows them to merge without looking. This force is apparantly known as "high-vis". Will readily wobble to the front of faster cyclists who have stopped for lights.

Le Competitive Commuter
Can't stand "high-vis commuter". Will bust a gut to overtake everyone while maintaining a cool exterior. If caught, they will explain to whoever is listening, that they are "on a go-slow day".

Le Newbie Commuter
Often found riding scarily close to the gutter. Can either operate in stealth mode or ressemble the Eiffel Tower light show. Usually on a full-sus MTB with flat tyres.

Le Fixie Riders
Messenger wannabies and Chris Hoy pretenders. Too lazy to clean the drive train of their regular bike so they bought a fixie.

Le Old Man Cyclist
Some one older than you who you thought was past it and who you reckoned you could drop. Very hard to shift once they get on to your wheel.

Le New Roadie
Has the bike, has the desire, but forgot about keeping some money for the kit. GAA shorts and business socks are a must. Pie plate is optional.

Le Flash Git
Has a carbon bike, so reckons they have reached the top. Can't corner for love nor money because they can't afford to replace the bike if they crash.

Le Club Racer
Can actually drop you on the climbs... and on the flat... and on their go slow days.

Puncheur
Uses the last downhill section to try and make it up the next hill. Can't really climb so they invented a class of cyclist all for themselves.

Rouleur
Somehow manages to successfully hide a small diesel engine under their jersey. Not quite a "rocket to the moon" on the climbs, but more like the little engine that could.

Dynamiteur
Manages to be half way round the entire route before half the people have gotten to the first corner.

Mountain Biker
Watched too many of those Persil adverts. Really wants a tractor.

DirkVoodoo

Ah, I'm the usual in these types of things, a combination of 3:

Climber/Competitive commuter/Flash Git

I look like I should be fairly good at climbing with my lightweight physique, but I can't really. Fear of descending and crashing my bike stops me from being good even when gravity is on my side but I'll be damned if I let anyone get away from me on the way home on my fixie (hmm...nearly a fourth)

Actually, maybe I should be under a new category of "Image Conscious Cyclist": Enjoys buying all the gear and spending money on bikes but isn't too bothered once it comes to turning the pedals. Prefers to hang out on street corners inviting passers-by to check out his clean and polished bike.

Funkyzeit

Flash git for me.... all the gear none of the talent...

Chips Lovell

I'm probably a sprinter in your book, but I haven't raced enough to figure out if I can actually sprint. In my own (possibly rose tinted) world view, I'm a rouleur, i.e. big fecker than can go all day and pull everyone else for hours on end, does a decent time trial, but gets dropped when the road goes upwards.

P.S. Raam, you need to use the French names, like grimpeur, puncheur etc. Sounds much fancier.

Chips Lovell

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

Actually, maybe I should be under a new category of "Image Conscious Cyclist": Enjoys buying all the gear and spending money on bikes but isn't too bothered once it comes to turning the pedals. Prefers to hang out on street corners inviting passers-by to check out his clean and polished bike.

You've certainly got the right hair cut.

Raam

el tonto wrote: »

I'm a rouleur, i.e. big fecker than can go all day and pull everyone else for hours on end, does a decent time trial, but gets dropped when the road goes upwards.

I was trying to find a good description of a rouleur earlier but couldn't

neilled

Competitive Commuter and New Roadie.

One of the faster commuters on the roads (rarely over taken by other commuters), high end hybrid, good lights fore and aft (tripleshot up front, halfwatt smart at the back) and entry level roadbike - mtb spds, hiking shorts, dryflo tshirts and bridgedale socks! :eek:

Lumen

I'm probably...

Driver on a bike. Thinks that anything less than 40kph will result in 2 points and a fine for holding up traffic. Only fit enough to sustain 15kph on the flat, so constantly traumatised by lack of performance, and vents by cursing at all the red-light jumpers who achieve similar journey times without breaking a sweat. Not comfortable riding without a collection of instrumentation (dashboard) and enough "headlights" to be seen from space.

Trojan

Sprinter (being generous)/Comp commuter. Lanterne Rouge might be a more accurate French translation if I was with club riders

Hey, you didn't mention touring cyclists!

Raam

Trojan wrote: »

Sprinter (being generous)/Comp commuter. Lanterne Rouge might be a more accurate French translation if I was with club riders

Hey, you didn't mention touring cyclists!

Touring Cyclists
Just buy a bloody caravan

Chips Lovell

You got puncheur all wrong. They're classics riders who excel on the short climbs but get shelled on the grand tours. Think Bettini, Rebellin etc.

Not sure if there's a French term for the sprinters

Vélo

Is there a category for someone who feels ike they have to keep buying something new? Even where it gets to the stage where you can't bring it home in case your wife sees it, or maybe you could bring it home because you already have that much stuff she wouldn't have a clue.

You also forgot to add in Le Frederick!, deffo me all the gear the carbon bike even a single speed but none of the ability!!!

Raam

el tonto wrote: »

You got puncheur all wrong. They're classics riders who excel on the short climbs but get shelled on the grand tours. Think Bettini, Rebellin etc.

Not sure if there's a French term for the sprinters

El Tonto
makes you edit your post 4 times over

Chips Lovell

Sprinter is coureur (I think). Don't see it used much though.

My favourite one is dynamiteur. Blows apart a stage from the get go. Think Jacky Durand, Chiapucci or Jens Voigt. Possibly the best description for Blorg.

Lumen

Aquinas73 wrote: »

Is there a category for someone who feels ike they have to keep buying something new? Even where it gets to the stage where you can't bring it home in case your wife sees it, or maybe you could bring it home because you already have that much stuff she wouldn't have a clue.

I've started having stuff delivered to my office, and fitting it there if necessary. It makes for a calmer domestic environment.

Raam

el tonto wrote: »

My favourite one is dynamiteur. Blows apart a stage from the get go. Think Jacky Durand, Chiapucci or Jens Voigt. Possibly the best description for Blorg.

Never heard that one before. Added your other two.

Caroline_ie

I am a sprinter ... a lazy one though.

Raam

For the record, I reckon I fall into these categories...

Flash Git, Fixie Rider, Grimpeur, Competitive Commuter

scottreynolds

Le Competitive Commuter mixed in with the bit of "Le Flash Git" -- currently my winter bike is full carbon racer .... hahaha

dub_skav

Reckon I'm a bit of a mix of sprinter (purely for weight rather than speed reasons), competitive commuter, fixie rider and old man cyclist.

With most of my friends and colleagues I'm just a mentaller though - You cycled in in that weather? Hopefully they'll all join the fold with this new tax incentive

Raam

Mountain biker added

Danbo!

Le Competitive commuter seems to sum it up for me.

And at the weekends, Le new roadie. Got a nice bike and decent shoes, but its dunnes stores shorts and kajagoogoo t-shirt FTW!

scottreynolds

Raam wrote: »

Competitive Commuter

Nice sprint to catch up with me though. I'm glad i used the lights and road crossing to my best advantage.

Another Category ..... Le Poser aka (Le Knob)... someone who has bikes, knows all the gear, but spends more time posting on websites than they do riding.

Vélo

Another Category ..... Le Poser aka (Le Knob)... someone who has bikes, knows all the gear, but spends more time posting on websites than they do riding.[/quote]

You've probably just upset a few people with that comment

Lumen

scottreynolds wrote: »

Another Category ..... Le Poser aka (Le Knob)... someone who has bikes, knows all the gear, but spends more time posting on websites than they do riding.

Maybe "Le Posteur"?

scottreynolds

Lumen wrote: »

Maybe "Le Posteur"?

Le Posteur -- nice.

CheGuedara

Reckon I'm across a few types too - le competitive commuter, le flash git and le (new) club racer but with elements of le mountainbiker in there too. And like dub skav, le mentaller to my friends, girlfriend, colleagues.....

unionman

As usual, I see myself in lots of the categories.

Aspiring Sprinter, certainly have the extra pounds. But a bit of a wuss on descents.

Have been Le High-vis Commuter and Le Newbie Commuter simultaneously, But became Le Fixie Rider which turned me into Le Competitive Commuter.

This summer, bought myself a Focus Cayo and, given my qualified assessment of my abilities as a Sprinter, immediately qualified as Le Flash Git. When out on a spin, have used Puncheur technique to compensate my lack of ability (although I think that's improving).

I also try to hide my new (compulsive) purchases from mrs unionman, and arguably spend more time on this forum than I do in the saddle. So on top of everything else I'm Le Sad Posteur Git.

Well done Raam, I feel properly deconstructed now.

TinyExplosions

I'm a Sprinter, Competetive Commuter, Fixie Rider and mostly Puncheur -most definitely Puncheur....

Funkyzeit

Ps - In the interest of keeping our lady boardsies happy you should throw in a few "LA's" instead of the Chauvinistic "LE's"...:D

LDB

How about ... LA Médiocre
Jack of all trades but master of none. Constantly convincing oneself that they will train more and be sure to get better at something. Respects the domistiques in the peloton!

joker77

I have a high-vis jacket that I wear in the winter, so probably a cross between Le High-vis Commuter and Le Competitive Commuter, if that's possible!

rflynnr

"Le (or La) Parent?" Owns a multiplicity of bikes, thinks of themself as a roadie but actually does 99% of their cycling in rush-hour traffic at nine mile per hour pace so as not to freak out the "little darlings".

noblestee

noblestee wrote: »

Le Competitive commuter seems to sum it up for me.

And at the weekends, Le new roadie. Got a nice bike and decent shoes, but its dunnes stores shorts and kajagoogoo t-shirt FTW!

That's me... although I don't have decent shoes, and I use my lidl jersey most of the time (but yes on the bike and Dunnes shorts!).

pickarooney

Lumen wrote: »

Maybe "Le Posteur"?

Or "L'imposteur" - dressed up in all the pro gear with a 5000 euro bike, never ventures onto any road with a more than 1:100 climb, only sprints to overtake small children with stabilisers or hot chicks on foot, has seen a documentary or read an article on a website about some random aspect of cycling and is unable to speak about anything unrelated to this. Eats wheatgerm in public, kebabs in private.

I'd be some kind of Fixie Rider offshoot. Buy/fish out of a canal a cheap/previously loved bike and ride it until one of us dies.

Itsfixed

I'm a fixie rider/Le Posteur/mountain biker/Le Parent. I used to be competitve commuter but I work from home now.

fish-head

Raam wrote: »

Sprinter
Code word for "I have a few extra pounds". Uses these extra pounds to catch climbers on descents. Disguises this by saying "I just have more bottle than you". Used by climbers to conserve energy up to the foot of the Sally Gap.

Le Fixie Riders
Messenger wannabies and Chris Hoy pretenders. Too lazy to clean the drive train of their regular bike so they bought a fixie.

Rouleur
Somehow manages to successfully hide a small diesel engine under their jersey. Not quite a "rocket to the moon" on the climbs, but more like the little engine that could.

I'd say I'm a combination of the first two, with an ambition of becoming something of a Rouleur!

That is too say, I've a bit of extra padding, I'm not much going up hills, rocket down them and ride a fixed gear aswell as a road bike..

oobydooby

I've been all of the ones with some negative connotations at one point or other. Probably a mix of high-viz/new roadie/puncheur at the moment. Also admire the domestiques on the teams...

How about Le Drafteur/La Drafteuse. Flitting from rear wheel to rear wheel on a leisure spin and panting too hard to chat or acknowledge their Fr Stone like presence.

Some other urbanites: le Ninja - night time cyclist who can only be detected by their white teeth sparkling when dodging headlights of oncoming traffic having broken a red light.

le Clankeur - you can hear this one coming from miles away. Most of the bike is rusty brown and the chain was only ever lubed once with WD40.

chroma

'Le New Roadie' along with 'Le Competitive Commuter' and a little bit of my own 'The ex-Driver': Speeding up when passing by stationary traffic and through jammed junctions, just to show off to the drivers exactly what they are missing.

Signal_ rabbit

Non of the above, is there a category for the over 40, overweight, entry level race bike, has the lycra, posh helmet and just gets out and rides when can? Oh and can't stop buying new kit!

L'Enfer du Nord

Here's one only found in Galway City, and usually only near the city centre at that. So closly linked to a particlar bike, they take their name from that bike.

Le Petit Velo Vert d'Occassion

Hired or I'm guessing more usually bought 2nd hand from the West Ireland Cycling , a huge proportion of the bikes on Galway's street are these little green single speeds. The female of the species out numbers the male by at least five to one, nearly always foreign, probably an Erasmus student or possible a Mocnas Fas trainee. Never seen beyond the city limits, usually seen in pairs or small groups. The male of the species doesn't like being overtaken, especially if females are around. Tends to ignore traffic lights, which can lead to repeated humiliation in front of the females. Some times seen ascending Taylor's Hill, but usually being pushed rather than cycled.

Abraham

I just want to send a message to the bearded bicyclist on Dorset St today circa 1.30p.m. I don't mind you having the altercation with the busdriver and I'll allow you might even have been in the right but listen man, you have no right to cycle slowly in front of the bus just to aggravate the driver further and get back at him. What about the 75 geezers on the bus trying to make time in their daily lives, must they suffer your angst and anger too ? Why ? :mad:

Bunnyhopper

Le Flash Git
Has a carbon bike, so reckons they have reached the top. Can't corner for love nor money because they can't afford to replace the bike if they crash.

Le Flash Git + enough money to replace the bike (and the team shorts and jersey, and the top-end SIDI shoes and the titanium pedals and etc.) = Le Frederique

Bunnyhopper

Abraham wrote: »

Why?

Why indeed? "Why?" is what I thought when I read that. As in, why is your first ever post on the Cycling forum a random complaint that is completely off-topic?

By all means, let off steam (I'll allow you might even have been in the right), but must we suffer your angst and anger too?

Funkyzeit

Don't hijaack this thread - Raam's brilliantly evolving descriptions deserve more !!

Chips Lovell

Abraham wrote: »

Why ? :mad:

Yes, this is definitely the most appropriate thread to post this in. He'll definitely spot it here alright.

drogdub

I'm a Le new roadie. But have bought tights might even use cleats soon. Wouldn't mind being a Grimpeur if I could descend like Rasmussen http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=sRSFUnclJGQ&feature=related

cyclopath2001

I think I'm "Le old man/club rider/poseur".

How about the "Two Wheeled Tank Driver"? - guy in high-vis and a helmet from some other sport. He rides a filthy town bike, sits bolt upright, always working his grip-shift gears, dragging his greasy chain across his mucky sprockets. After being passed by 10 other cyclists, he determinedly works his way back to the top of the queue when they're stopped at traffic lights. When he gets there, stops in the middle of the road. Then, 2 seconds before the lights change swoops (slowly, spinning in lowest gear) without looking, across the riders on his inside neatly cutting them off when they start to move away from the lights.

Abraham

OK guys. Apologies and sorry 'bout that. I've been careless & will make amends.
Like Eamonn D....."I wuz tired and emotional". Hopefully end of.

lyders

This thread is hilarious...made for a good few minutes of time wasting on a rainy afternoon!

Piste

I am without a doubt La Newbie Commuteur. Only just getting to grips with how awfully maintained the sides of the roads are. I probably come close to being squashed about 10 times per journey but am blissfully unaware of it all.

Perhaps someday I'll work up to being the Hi-Viz Commuteur