Long Distance Relantionships, can they work?

clicli

So I have a fantastic new boyfriend, everything about him is wonderful, yes I am still in the honeymoon period ! The only problem is he lives in the UK, and I live in Ireland! I'm crazy about him and really want to give this a fair go, we have seen each other every three weeks or so, and will see him again in 8 days! But it drives us both mad that any time we want to see each other involves booking flights!

So ladies, what are your experiences of long distance relationships? Do they work? Are they worth the effort? Any tips, warnings?

Shivers26

Ultimately one of you will have to move because you cant do long distance forever.
I have a friend who did long distance with her partner for about 3 years and then she married him and moved to the UK. They would be over and back 3 weekends out of 4 which also involves spending a lot on flights!

If you really like him, give it a go but as the relationship is quite new just keep an open mind.
My OH is in the army so I am dreading the thoughts of him having to go overseas which I know will have to happen eventually.

g'em

I did it for just over six months last year - he was living in Edinburgh, I was in Dublin, we took turns flying over every two weeks or so.

For the most part I actually loved it - Edinburgh is such a wonderful city that I ended up being the one who flew more often than not! Obviously it was difficult being apart so much but it made the time we had together that bit more special. Plus it meant that I had my life to myself for the most part and continued to lead a 'single' life in essence.

Having said that though it became incredibly pressurised. Given that we'd only have two days in every 14 to be in each others' company it meant that if anything went wrong during the weekend it was a major catastrophe and there wouldn't be a chance to correct things for a whole fortnight. One of the biggest issues (for me) was also that he was fairly phobic of the phone so during the times that I really missed him, it was hard to reach out and tell him so.

In the end he moved over here and we started to live together but broke up not long after - having conducted a long-distance thing we simply didn't know each other well enough to make that big a step. The long-distance thing can work, and I certainly enjoyed it, but I'd be of the mind to remember that essentially it's still just a "holiday romance".

(Note: if you're with someone long term and they move abroad that's different, I'm talking about beginning a relationship with the long-distance thing).

If you like to travel, you enjoy your freedom, you're both good on the phone, and you both have a lot of patience there's no reason not to enjoy the fun of the long distance thing, at least for a while.

Keep an open mind, and just treat it for what it is.

JaneyMc

I was seeing a guy I met in London a few years back, I ended it because I couldnt handle the long distance part.

I regret this desicion , EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. He is now engaged.


Distance is nothing, if you can see one of you moving to be with the other. If you can't see that happeneing, it's a lost cause in my opinion.

clicli

Well its early days at the moment to be deciding if one of us is going to move, but I am well used to visiting the UK every few weeks, from going to larp events and having alot of my friends over there.

My thinking on it at the moment is that he is worth the effort, it helps that we have known each other for a few years before we started the relationship, which gives us a good foundation.

I have thought about moving to the UK before, I'm planning on going back to college next septemer as a mature student to finish my degree, and had considered the possibilty of transferring to a uk college for a year, just to get a change of scenery, I have lived in Dublin all my life, so if (fingers crossed) we are still going strong, it would be me thats moving.

JaneyMc

Well then I'd say there is a major chance of success, good luck op!

clicli

Thanks Janey Mc!:)

Black Swan

Chat with Ruu about his long distance relationship between Ireland and the US that went on for about 2 years. They eventually got together and are now happily married.

Dudess

clicli wrote: »

Well its early days at the moment to be deciding if one of us is going to move, but I am well used to visiting the UK every few weeks, from going to larp events and having alot of my friends over there.

My thinking on it at the moment is that he is worth the effort, it helps that we have known each other for a few years before we started the relationship, which gives us a good foundation.

I have thought about moving to the UK before, I'm planning on going back to college next septemer as a mature student to finish my degree, and had considered the possibilty of transferring to a uk college for a year, just to get a change of scenery, I have lived in Dublin all my life, so if (fingers crossed) we are still going strong, it would be me thats moving.

Yeah that's a good sign. If the thought of moving doesn't appeal to either party than yep, I'm with Janey.
But you have friends over there and you were thinking about moving away anyway - seems good in the hood .

Scoobydoobydoo

I think it really depends on your personalities. It works for some, it's not something I could do. I was in a four year relationship, the last year was long distance (Dublin-Cork) - for me, we grew apart because of the distance and I ended it after a year.
If I really liked him, I'd give it a go, but couldn't do the distance long term.

stovelid

Did it for three years, albeit opposite ends for the country, and married now.

It can work if you really want it too. Obviously somebody will eventually have to make the sacrifice of a move at some stage. On the plus side, the traveling to see other (or meeting in places) can be fun. The negative sides obviously speak for themselves.

allandanyways

Yep they sure do work... I'm from Kildare, he's from Donegal... You just have to keep at it, don't give up the first time ye have an arguement, especially if it's about nothing in particular which I always find with my man, ye can just end up fighting because of frustration with the distance... REALLY appreciate your time together, don't dwell on the fact that one of ye are going home or how long it will be until ye see each other again... If he's worth it, it'll work out... and as you said, you get to see places and meet people you might not have necessarily gone to/met otherwise!

SeekUp

They ain't easy, but of course they can work. I think most everyone knows someone who's survived a long-distance relationship (as well as knowing someone who hasn't).

Tips: Seems not to be a huge deal for you, but I always found it helpful to have set dates when we knew we were going to see each other; there was always a light at the end of the tunnel, even when it was far away. Also, make Skype your best friend (if you haven't already)!

Warnings: I think it goes without saying, but make sure you completely trust the other person - otherwise you'll go mad wondering what they're up to.

In my case, I thought it'd be nothing more than a one night stand . . . but alas, it's 2.5 years later and our relationship has survived many miles apart (including bouncing between Ireland, the U.S., Australia, NZ, and Canada). We're cohabitating now, and can say without reservation that it's been worth it.

(Just make sure to offset your carbon emissions while you're racking up those airmiles. )

anonymous_joe

Hmmm.

I was in one for a year or so.

It worked up to a point - there was huge love there, but simply being apart for long times puts stress on things. Things like Skype msn etc are all really handy, and obviously if you love each othe that'll make things work.

What I would say is my relationship went south mainly because my ex was feeling lonelier than I was (she'd had a huge falling out with her group of friends) and ended up getting very stressed out. In the end she had a massive argument with me over quite simply nothing. We ended up having a few more arguments and I made the mistake of winning one. If we'd lived in the same place, we'd have been able to sort things out pretty quickly and easily, but with the distance factor, not an option. Left two people pretty fúcked up tbh.

At the end of the day, you need to know the long distance part will end - and you need to guarentee time together. Otherwise, it can't work. But do find things you can do together, watching a film while chattin on skype etc. Brings you closer. Anyway, good luck.

Smyth

I'm in the same boat. Identical actually.

It works if you love the person I find. We phone every night, msn etc and the odd trip over.

Ruu_Old

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Chat with Ruu about his long distance relationship between Ireland and the US that went on for about 2 years. They eventually got together and are now happily married.

It wasn't easy but I wouldn't change a thing, I'm stronger for it all. 5 years married next year, first met in '01 and known each other since '99, how time flies. I've posted the long version in PI a few times, I'm sure you can search through and find any long distance relationship thread, chances are I have replied to it.

brianthebard

*Sits at Ruu's feet* Tell the story again Ruu, I love to hear tales with happy endings!