My girlfriend's friend.

Jeebus

Howdy,


My girlfriend has a lad who is a friend. He asked her out a week before I did, and she said no, but he's still weeding around her the whole time. As in I saw her phone the other day and he's texting her every night, trying to go out with her all the time.

I want to smack him one. Every single time I see his smarmy, ugly grin I can think of nothing more satisfying than beating him to a bloody pulp that would never stand again. Am I being reasonable ? No. Has my girlfriend already said no to him ? Yes. But even so, I can't help wanting to hit him one right betweeen the knackers whenever I see him.

How can I cope with this after-hours ? I come to thee in the vain hope that you will help me see sense. I can't really say anything to my girlfriend - I've already expressed an intense hatred for her ex, whom is one of her best friends (and admittedly has been for 20 or so years, but even so....sod). So asking her to stop hanging around another one of her good friends is acting the bit of a prick.

I'm not a jealous type of lad either, it must sound like that, but...there's literally about 3 lads who are friends of hers and mine, who ask her out every night (and not me). I can deal with some of them....because they're ugly, but....gaah. It's just doing my nut in.

Already attempted a barrel-roll and becoming an hero thanks to other advice, but...can you guys please help me ?

tl;dr - Girlfriend has guyfriends who want her babies. She's never the type to do anything with them or anything like that, like I would trust her entirely. This doesn't stop me wanting to beat them to a bloody pulp though. How can I stop wanting to do this every time I see one of them ?

Latchy

You sound a very angry violent young man OP .Beating anyone to a pulp however much you desire is not a good thing .Perhaps you need to control that an anger .Maybe buy a punchbag or go on a anger management course

Mr. CooL ICE

Jizz on her face. It will mark your territory

eVeNtInE

This post has been deleted.

antodeco

Jeebus wrote: »

Howdy,

My girlfriend has a lad

whatever you're into!

4zn76tysfajdxp

Jeebus wrote: »

This doesn't stop me wanting to beat them to a bloody pulp though. How can I stop wanting to do this every time I see one of them ?

Start **** on the spot, resting your other hand on his shoulder for support. Don't break eye contact and be sure to breath heavily, sweat dripping down your forehead. Your hands will then be too busy to start punching anyone against your will. :rolleyes:

If this doesn't work, take it to PI.

Vain

LordChessington wrote: »

Jizz on her face. It will mark your territory

tried that before it doesnt work:pac:

Collie D

Jeebus wrote: »

...there's literally about 3 lads who are friends of hers and mine, who ask her out every night (and not me). I can deal with some of them....because they're ugly, but....gaah.

Maybe your gf is not so shallow. :rolleyes: If you gave her the orgasms she craves she wouldn't have to shag ugly blokes

Jeebus

antodeco wrote: »

whatever you're into!

lmao.

She doesn't...and I'm not even that angry. This is just infuriating.

Jeebus

Collie D wrote: »

Maybe your gf is not so shallow. :rolleyes:

She clearly isn't, she's going out with me, like !

I was only messing though

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

you should have sex with him, and then tell everyone he's gay.

Caoimhín

Stab him.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Jeebus wrote: »

I'm not even that angry. This is just infuriating.

So, what, you're furious? That's worse if anything.

ejmaztec

Jeebus wrote: »

She clearly isn't, she's going out with me, like !

I was only messing though

Ditch her and find one who hasn't got any friends.

MagicMarker

Looks to me like she's keeping him around for when you beat the shíte out of him. So when you're in prison, he can lob one into her for the duration.

Collie D

MagicMarker wrote: »

Looks to me like she's keeping him around for when you beat the shíte out of him. So when you're in prison, he can lob one into her for the duration.

Good point. You'll have to kill him, OP

Aodan83

Tell him if you ever think he's thinking about your "ho" the wrong way your gonna beat the shit out of him. If he doesnt believe you ,crack him over the head with a baseball bat. If you dont have a baseball bat, then you are a terrible boyfriend.

tony1kenobi

Invite him to a threesome.

Overheal

Mordeth wrote: »

you should have sex with him, and then tell everyone he's gay.

you just won the internet.

Gummy Panda

When he texts your girlfriend to go out, reply back saying she is busy in bed with you. Then when you see him keep going on about your sex life.

It will really annoy him

Latchy

Actually OP on reflection and just thinking about it, i was maybe wrong with first advice .

Just beat the **** outta him ....

dr.bollocko

jeebus wrote:

Howdy,

My girlfriend has a lad

I have a plan.
This would make a great musical porno.
We could call it the chicksie dicks.
Sure your girlfriend will see a mile of cock in it but at least I will give you 30% of the blu ray profits. That's an emerging market son.

AckwelFoley

The simple solution is to offer him a choice...
He can choose between a broken jaw, or a torn asshole.

strangely i find many go for the latter.

ive one booked in for tuesday

projectmayhem

Jeebus wrote: »

tl;dr - Girlfriend has guyfriends who want her babies. She's never the type to do anything with them or anything like that, like I would trust her entirely. This doesn't stop me wanting to beat them to a bloody pulp though. How can I stop wanting to do this every time I see one of them ?

I don't think we can truely assess the situation and come to a logical point where we can dispense real, hard-hitting solutions without pics. Saucy pics.

pablomakaveli

Ride him and tell your girlfriend he was crap in bed and had a tiny penis. she won't bother with him then.

Jeebus

Sometimes I really hate you guys, you know that ?

But then I remember I love you...

Galvasean

Collie D wrote: »

Good point. You'll have to kill him, OP

Don't forget to make it look like an accident.

Kinetic^

snyper wrote: »

He can choose between a broken jaw, or a torn asshole.

Face or ass pummelling ....... both with cock will do the trick!!!!!!

javaboy

Jizz on his face.

Latchy

Seduce his sister Ma

dlofnep

Have sex with his dog. That'll show him!

Jeebus

Guys. I have figured it out.

Whenever I see him, I am going to practically rape my girlfriend in front of him. OK, thats going a bit far, but I will kiss her. A lot. And hug her. A lot. And fondle her breasts. As much as I can get away with.

Thank you all for helping me in my time of need.

This is my new sport. Can you guys think of anything I can do that would particularly anger him ? Preferably not get me in trouble with her either.

minidazzler

Get her Knocked up, then yer man will be too scared to want to fcuk her!!! (Well unless he's into that, alot of people are
<_<
>_>

Acacia

Jeebus wrote: »

Guys. I have figured it out.

Whenever I see him, I am going to practically rape my girlfriend in front of him....Preferably not get me in trouble with her either.

You might want to tone down the auld rape so...:pac:

----> From a girl's perspective-

Seriously, chillax the cacks, dude. This guy is no threat, your gf is with you because she loves you, not anyone else. The guy is annoying but he's not worth your anger.

Sir Gallagher

Jeebus, in all seriousness, why is your bird friends with these clowns? the problem doesn't lie with the blokes, your bird must be a bit of a ride who likes the aul attention.

ninty9er

How old are the 3 of ye?? Would you not just be single and be off to have a bit of fun....or does she want the boyfriend-girlfriend commitment? If she does then I think you have your answer....do nothing;)

Maximilian

I know this might be a radical idea for AH but here goes.

Talk to the guy.


/wisdom

SEPT 23 1989

Maximilian wrote: »

I know this might be a radical idea for AH but here goes.

Talk to the guy.


/wisdom

holding a sledge hammer:)

Irishcrx

Next time they come over, calmly walk over to where she is, drop your pants...and wee on her this will show them the following.

*You are the dog.
*She is yours.
*Your barking mad.
*You may bite

Roadend

ninty9er wrote: »

How old are the 3 of ye?? Would

I'm guessing 15 at most anyway

Ross_Mahon

This lad is moving in on your territory? i don't blame you for being annoyed, You have to show this fool that you are 'with' your girlfriend, Rub it into his face when hes around and make sure he gets the point.

If hes still taking his chances with your girlfriend, pull him in for it and face him, If he tries to be a big man...Kerb stomp him.

Fratton Fred

You buy her lots of presents don't you. I bet you also pay whenever you go out.

Mate, face it, they are all banging her, she's just sticking with you cos you buy her stuff.

projectmayhem

Ross_Mahon wrote: »

This lad is moving in on your territory? i don't blame you for being annoyed, You have to show this fool that you are 'with' your girlfriend, Rub it into his face when hes around and make sure he gets the point.

If hes still taking his chances with your girlfriend, pull him in for it and face him, If he tries to be a big man...Kerb stomp him.

Exactly. Piss on her leg and shove his face into his own faeces.

Kold

Jeebus wrote: »

Already attempted a barrel-roll and becoming an hero thanks to other advice, but...can you guys please help me ?

Try an hero again. I think you're doing it wrong.

Azphyxi8

Just talk to dude. give him a warning and if he keeps chatting up your girl, call a load of taxis, pizzas, skips, etc, to his house.

javaboy

Kold wrote: »

Try an hero again. I think you're doing it wrong.

Out of interest, do you pronounce it "an hero"? Or do you say "an 'ero"?

FruitLover

You should, for one, welcome your new ugly overlords.

Kold

javaboy wrote: »

Out of interest, do you pronounce it "an hero"? Or do you say "an 'ero"?

An Hero

Vixen Sexlectra

Blow him few kisses on the quiet whenever he around..
Freak the f**ker out or you could smack him one...
ha ha
:eek::D;):rolleyes::):mad:

Varkov

Are you bigger than him?

If so, then just hit him. Whats he gonna do?

Your GF complains?

Are you bigger than her?

If so, then just hit her. Whats she gonna do?

upmeath

Jeebus, you need help. Your missus will be gone with him in no time if she reads that rant. Delete history!