Have I right to be suspicious?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have been with my g/f for over 2 years and we've had our ups and downs just like any. Recently she has had a rough time with family and I gave her some space to sort problems out. Grand, we got back to seeing each other on a more regular basis since the summer. Recently she has been going to London to see friends and relations on a more regular basis since the summer. However a couple of weeks ago she informed me that her friends were coming over from London to be followed by the cousin the follwing week (just last weekend gone). So made plas to be with her this weekend as soon as her cousin went back to London.

Just a few minutes ago she sent me a text that she decided on the spur of the moment to go to London and wont be back until next Monday morning. She told me not to call as she's buisy packing her stuff to catch the plane. It seems a bit sudden.

Have right to be suspicious or am I a bit paranoid?

beth-lou

I think it's strange that she would use text to communicate with you about this. A phonecall would be much quicker and much more appropriate considering your relationship status. I would be concerned about that for a start. It sounds as though the relationship might be all about her at the moment. I think you need to have a talk.

chickenhawk

Sounds a bit weird. It's unfair of her not to let you know what's going on. I'd ring her.

Colonel_McCoy

You do. I would ring her and ask her whats going on

MagicMarker

Why not suggest going with her?

omb0wyn5ehpij9

It does sound very odd. I would ring her and find out what is going on!

c - 13

Mr P. wrote: »

Hi,

I have been with my g/f for over 2 years and we've had our ups and downs just like any. Recently she has had a rough time with family and I gave her some space to sort problems out. Grand, we got back to seeing each other on a more regular basis since the summer. Recently she has been going to London to see friends and relations on a more regular basis since the summer. However a couple of weeks ago she informed me that her friends were coming over from London to be followed by the cousin the follwing week (just last weekend gone). So made plas to be with her this weekend as soon as her cousin went back to London.

Just a few minutes ago she sent me a text that she decided on the spur of the moment to go to London and wont be back until next Monday morning. She told me not to call as she's buisy packing her stuff to catch the plane. It seems a bit sudden.

Have right to be suspicious or am I a bit paranoid?

The line in bold would make me very suspicious to be honest. Seems odd that she cant take a minute out of her packing to give you the courtesy of a call ?

STUBBORNGIRL

you have every right to be suspicious! She is def up to something - like who tells someone not to ring them because they will be too busy packing! I wouldnt bother contacting her again now until she gets in contact with you on her return from LONDON!! After 2 years ye are subjected to text messages - thats not a good sign! also the fact that she has always somehting on which is not involving you is telling me that she is prob not that into you - if she were she would be spending more time with you!

Anyhow listen you will not know anythign unless you ask her - so i would suggest you question her about what she got up to in London etc...ask to see pics - it could be all innocent but im not so sure! innocent until proven guilty and all that ....

Good luck though!

homerun_homer

Horrible situation to be in and I certainly would be paranoid and wrecking my head with what may be going on with her.
You should text and ask if everything is alright. You should not have to deal with being treated like some sort of second class friend - who it doesn't matter to give the brush off to.
Ask yourself would you do it to her and if so why would you be so brash or unfair?

StormWarrior

IMO it sounds like she doesn't want to be with you any more and is hoping you'll get the message so she doesn't actually have to tell you outright.

rvd156

Defintley ring her...She is up to something.....

pickarooney

Suspicious - you have the right and may be correct
Pissed off - you certainly should be
Hide her carpet slippers when/if she comes back and let her know you can't be having with permanently taking the back seat.

not yet

What in the name of sweet jesus does it take for men (or women) to wake up............

WHY WOULD YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS??

Please people, dont start with the ''give her space'' siht...

Tell her to go fcuk herself if he hasn't the decency to at least ring you.

Poloman

Mate I have been cheated on the past and this has all the signs of it. Obviously there is no proof ok.

I know your head must be wrecked and it might be hurting but you need to back off from her. She thinks she has you wrapped around her finger and can either a) meet all her friends at will b) be up to somethign else.

Even if there is nothing going on you have been so good to her in the past and she is now acting like this around you. Let her text you back next week sometime and say you have plans when she asks to meet up. Refuse to meet her for at least a month. If she is actually into you this will be the test.

If my gf texted me saying she was off to london at last minute and dont call as she is packing that would be the last communication between us ever. I wouldnt even bother confronting her. Let her come begging back to you if thats what she wants but stand up for yourself. Be strong and dont let anyone treat you like she is. Hold your head up and start looking around for something better than that fool. This is talking from experience mate.

Good Luck.

Cathmandooo

I don't understand why you haven't been included in any of these trips or included when people come over to visit her?? I'm all for couples having their own space and time with their family and friends but she sounds like she's taking the complete pi$$. She's blatently excluding you for a reason. Doesn't sound good I'm afraid.

SpookyDoll

Poloman has hit the nail on the head there. Whether she's cheating or not at this stage is academic, shes shown you no respect whatsoever.

Her actions are basically saying she doesn't give a toss about you and she thinks she can get away with anything.

Deffo dont contact her or respond to any of her contact attempts when she does get back, I'd go further even, I would start to consider myself single at this point and act accordingly.

If she has the nerve to be unctuous about that I would laugh in her face.
She's voted with her feet, she doesn't deserve you.

MayMay

This doesn't sound good I'm afraid. Have you met any of these friends/cousins that have come over to visit her?? I know what I'm thinking but don't want to say it.

star-pants

Agree with most of the posters her - suspicious definitely - of what, I'm not sure.

If I'd arranged to meet my bf and then he txt me going 'oh eh yeah, cancel that I'm off to London for the w/e bye bye! don't call i'm busy!' ... haha WHAT... excuse me is what I'd be saying.
You do not ditch someone, especially a long term partner via txt and not even allow a call or explaination.

I would call her up and ask what's going on, I would not be impressed at being ditched last minute without even a courtesy phonecall. She can't be that busy - it's a weekend, not a fortnight.

LegacyUser

I wouldnt bother calling her, ( I wouldnt give her the satisfaction)
she showed you very very little respect - and you're a bf of 2 years?

I'd consider myself single as well and wouldnt bother telling her until she comes back looking

not yet

Stop,stop,stop,

Do not call this girl looking for an explanation etc, She will bullsh*t you.

Give her what she deserves............f*uk all...exactly what she seems to give you.

LegacyUser

Whoa!

Must say that I'm surprised by the tone of the posts here. There has never been any indication in our relationship that would indicate that she is cheating. I dont think she is that type of person. I do think that she is being a bit on the selfish side and I have sometimes acted like that myself once or twice so I aint perfect. When she says that she has been with friends she means it and I usually see her with her friends. She is also quite close to a married couple and minds their child from time to time and of course gives up her own time for me as well. For example A couple of weeks ago she was supposed to go to the theatre with friends to see a ballet (tickets booked) but instead spent the evening with me. Overall she calles me and I call her. Recently I got her housemate a job interview in my workplace and she was very grateful.

We do spend alot of time together but its only last week and this that she told me that her friends and cousin was coming over. I must say I was surprised when she told me out of the blue when she was going away to London for weekend. It could have been a spur of the moment thing because when I was last talking to her Saturday she mentioned nothing about it. Thats why I was a bit suspicious. It could be totally innocent but she told me that we'll chat on Monday. I'll wait till then to see her explanation. I dont want to be jumping to conclusions too soon. Catch mo' drift.

Sugar Drunk

yes you should be suspicious, in fact you should have been suspicious a lot sooner. Its all v odd why is she always going to london - where does she stay and why does she need to see these friends and family so often? more importantly why are you not invited?

Todays text is really rude i would be v pissed if BF cancelled weekend plans to go to london without giving me any reason at all and not even bothering to phone me.

what could be so urgent that she has to leave now til monday and not phone you - you seem to come v low in her list of priorities!

LegacyUser

<yes you should be suspicious, in fact you should have been suspicious a lot sooner. Its all v odd why is she always going to london - where does she stay and why does she need to see these friends and family so often? more importantly why are you not invited?

Todays text is really rude i would be v pissed if BF cancelled weekend plans to go to london without giving me any reason at all and not even bothering to phone me.

what could be so urgent that she has to leave now til monday and not phone you - you seem to come v low in her list of priorities!>

Hmm, food for thought. Well I'll get things clarified one next week. I'm not going jumping to conclusions or be prejudicial. She's always around when I need her. I know in my heart that she would not be a kind of person that would cheat on me. When my mother's health deteriorated badly recently I got very upset and she was there for me. I didnt make plans to see her yet this weekend because I'm so damn busy with work.

But at the end of it all, I'm a bit peeved and rightly so. I'll wait until she gives an explanation and then I'll be the judge. I'm not some doormat and I'm well known for fighting my own battles.

Slow Motion

I'm afraid everybody is right OP, I would not however call looking for an explanation, you won't get one except some rubbish! I would take the signs for what they are, she either doesn't love you anymore or thinks she can treat you like shit and get away with it. If it was me I would not call and leave her to it, when she comes back to you tell her you "need some space", and then use the time to move on and find someone who respects you!

homerun_homer

My ex didn't cheat on me or anything but the last week of the relationship we weren't texting - for me it was purposefully cause she never responded to my last message in conversation. So it got to the point where it was near the weekend so I crumbled and called her to catch up and make arrangements.
We broke up the next day. She wasn't texting/calling because she couldn't fake it.

It's a sure fire sign. Dump her, 2 years of a relationship and you shouldn't be treated so crap.

LegacyUser

Mr. P wrote: »

Whoa!

Must say that I'm surprised by the tone of the posts here. There has never been any indication in our relationship that would indicate that she is cheating. I dont think she is that type of person. I do think that she is being a bit on the selfish side and I have sometimes acted like that myself once or twice so I aint perfect. When she says that she has been with friends she means it and I usually see her with her friends. She is also quite close to a married couple and minds their child from time to time and of course gives up her own time for me as well. For example A couple of weeks ago she was supposed to go to the theatre with friends to see a ballet (tickets booked) but instead spent the evening with me. Overall she calles me and I call her. Recently I got her housemate a job interview in my workplace and she was very grateful.

We do spend alot of time together but its only last week and this that she told me that her friends and cousin was coming over. I must say I was surprised when she told me out of the blue when she was going away to London for weekend. It could have been a spur of the moment thing because when I was last talking to her Saturday she mentioned nothing about it. Thats why I was a bit suspicious. It could be totally innocent but she told me that we'll chat on Monday. I'll wait till then to see her explanation. I dont want to be jumping to conclusions too soon. Catch mo' drift.

Well done OP , you're making a wonderful amount of excuses for her and justifying her lack of respect.
If I were you I'd heed what the vast majority said,
However you've not actually listened and are intent on setting yourself up nicely as a total doormat
I wish you luck with it cos from experience it will end in tears!

Partizan

Hey OP, it doesnt sound good. What she has done is incredibly selfish and pig ignorant. It showed a total lack of respect. Going by what you have said I dont think she's cheating on you, its just that she is taking you for granted and headed off for the week with her mates.

Listen dude grow a pair of balls and when she gets back Monday read her the riot act and say it to her in no uncertain terms that what she did was unacceptable and that you will not tolerate that crap again. You gotta put the foot down. Call her bluff. Ask her to come away with you some weekend in the next couple of weeks and if there's excuses.......walk. Simple as. Dude, you deserve better than this. I'd hold off handing her the P45.... for now. Put the f-ing foot down.

zuroph

why cant she talk to you til monday? they have telephones in london now.

also, any chance you got her pregnant?

the "dont call" is the most suspicious bit though, it suggests she's somewhere she cant talk, is with someone she cant talk in front of, etc. if she was at home, she could stick u on handsfree. also, text her, ask her what time she's flying at? then check flights to see if there is one, try ringing her phone with number withheld during the time its meant to be off and she's in the air etc etc.

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

An update on this. Its all over. After my ex got back from London we met up for dinner and I asked for an explanation of why she didnt even text or call me and she gave me some BS about not having any credit on her phone.

Last week I began making plans of going away for a weekend to a spa resort so after talking to her she agreed to go. Then last Thursday I call her and ask her what she is up to on Saturday as there was a concert on. She told me that she had no time on Saturday. Then asked her what about Sunday but she she told me that she was taking some bloke shopping to help him get stuff for his gf. As you can imagine I was rightly miffed.

2 hours later I text her back to say that I needed her rail card ticket to book the tickets. She sent a reply to say that she got a text from her friends that they might be coming over the weekend were going away (how convenient) and that she might be able to change the date or maybe not. Cue me sending back an angry text saying that I had given her enough time to see her friends etc. and that all I ask for is that you allocate some time to me as I'm your boyfriend and tell your friends that you have other plans. Her reply back to me was that "you every time put pressure on me and I have no deep feelings for you, only as a friend. You can imagine my reaction. I sent a couple of angry texts and later on I tried to call her but her phone was swicthed off. I sent her a text on Monday last to say how about we meet up on Wednesday to talk over things. Yestreday evening I sent her anotehr text to say, how about we meet after work at 5pm.

text reply back from her which stated. "Please do not call me, I do not want to speak to you. I have my own problems. You pressure me again. Just leave, Sorry". and that was that. So after 2 years thi sis how it ends. Lads, I'm being honest to you.

I deserved better than this head wrecker. One seriously messed up individual.

SpookyDoll

Ouch, sorry Mr P, look you are better off out of it. She was a headwrecker like you said, at least now you wont waste any more time on her.

Put it behind you!

Poloman

Its not what you want to hear but Congratulations sound in order. She seems like a dickhead. Taking somebloke to get his girlf stuff?? You will realise in time just exactly what you were putting up with. You are DEFINITELY better off without her.

Mate I have been there and a lot worse honestly. My fiance did worse and with no warning.

You feel your world is over now and you are hurting thats normal. You will go through a lot more pain and you will start doubting yourself. I doubted my looks, my personality, everything. Slowly but surely I got back on track and i had a few more messed up situations but I am very happy now. Dont be expecting her to contact you in the future with explanations or reasons of what/why things hapened.. it doesnt matter. It looks over.. and you better think it is and take control and decide that YOU WANT IT TO BE OVER rather then thinking she had all the say.

Be proud you finally got balls and texted her angrily.. good man. You stopped letting her treat you like a piece of poo and took some initiative. Well done.

The only one thing that is true is:
Time is a healer. DO NOT CONTACT HER.. NEVER.

I cant say any more to you. Chin up my friend. Oh, and try and shag everything that moves for the next while do NOT get into a relationship. Enjoy yourself. Now its time for you to be free.

Amanda

Mr P. wrote: »

I deserved better than this head wrecker. One seriously messed up individual.

You poor man. What a stupid bitch. Why did she go out with you for 2 yrs if she only wanted you as her friend then? Anyway, really, I'd try learning something from that. If you're seeing someone exclusively they're supposed to want to spend a heck of a lot of time with you and you're meant to be their chosen favourite person to be around. I always wonder when people have to ask other people on the internet what they think of a situation they're in with they're supposed "partner", well, I'd say it means there wasn't a lot of comunication going on there in the first place. What is it with people these days...seriously learn from this, and move on, you said it above there.
You did too much for someone who did fcuk all.

LegacyUser

<Time is a healer. DO NOT CONTACT HER.. NEVER.

I cant say any more to you. Chin up my friend. Oh, and try and shag everything that moves for the next while do NOT get into a relationship. Enjoy yourself. Now its time for you to be free.>

Best piece of advice ever. Cheers guys thanks a million. I now realise that I had been taken like a fool and will be more cautious in future. Looking back at it I did everything for her, yet got very little back. I put so much time and effort into this relationship. When I first met her she was the most wonderful and kind hearted person you could meet but changed all of a sudden last March/April. She will probably realise in time how badly she has treated me and feel guilty and probably want me back, but me, no fvcking way Jose. Thats it. I have a couple of friends and going to hit town this weekend.

I will miss her and remember the good times but now I see this as opening up a new chapter in my life.

You know guys, anybody looking at this should learn. Be a man, grow some cajones and stand your ground. A bit of self respect never went astray.

Partizan

mate,

you did the right thing. Right now you are probably hurting at being treated like dog doo at the end of her shoe(its natural), but when you look back 6,8-12 months from now you'll be a better man and realise that she is the poorer for losing you. You did nothing wrong trust me. You treated her like a princess and yet she threw everything back in your face. The bringing a bloke for shopping for his gf sums it up perfectly what she thought about you.

You dodged a bullet there big time believe you me. She's a headwrecker of the highest calibre and one messed up individual. Someone up there likes you bud. God help the poor unfortunate bloke she next meets.

Poloman has given you the best advice there is. Go out and get laid as often as you can. Its the only way to get it out of your system. Also use more time to improve your image and self esteem. Go shooping, join a gym, get in shape.

Poloman, you still with that Polish bird? iirc

Wibbs

What everyone else said. Bullet dodged. The one thing I would say is never treat anyone like a princess. Baaaad plan. Treat them with respect and love and consideration and most importantly treat them like an equal. Putting anyone on a pedestal or looking down on them is equally bad. Also don't assume that how things are going one day is how they will continue to go the next. To keep any relationship fresh, you have to make it fresh.

You're single now and that will be difficult for a time, but that will pass and look on this time as a way to get back to what you want for you. It'll make the next one better.

unhappycamper

Agree with everyone here. It is a hard time breaking up but it really does get easier as time passes. You deserve better and that goes for anyone going through similar break ups. The princess point is a very good one to Wibbs.

Poloman

I'm jumping for joy. Good man!! Get out there and have a blast!

zuroph

the only shame is u didnt find out what she was up to, this was the obvious squirms of a girl who had run out of excuses.

good riddance, go out and find much better. well done.

Chucky the tree

Mr P. wrote: »

Hi folks,

An update on this. Its all over. After my ex got back from London we met up for dinner and I asked for an explanation of why she didnt even text or call me and she gave me some BS about not having any credit on her phone.

Last week I began making plans of going away for a weekend to a spa resort so after talking to her she agreed to go. Then last Thursday I call her and ask her what she is up to on Saturday as there was a concert on. She told me that she had no time on Saturday. Then asked her what about Sunday but she she told me that she was taking some bloke shopping to help him get stuff for his gf. As you can imagine I was rightly miffed.

2 hours later I text her back to say that I needed her rail card ticket to book the tickets. She sent a reply to say that she got a text from her friends that they might be coming over the weekend were going away (how convenient) and that she might be able to change the date or maybe not. Cue me sending back an angry text saying that I had given her enough time to see her friends etc. and that all I ask for is that you allocate some time to me as I'm your boyfriend and tell your friends that you have other plans. Her reply back to me was that "you every time put pressure on me and I have no deep feelings for you, only as a friend. You can imagine my reaction. I sent a couple of angry texts and later on I tried to call her but her phone was swicthed off. I sent her a text on Monday last to say how about we meet up on Wednesday to talk over things. Yestreday evening I sent her anotehr text to say, how about we meet after work at 5pm.

text reply back from her which stated. "Please do not call me, I do not want to speak to you. I have my own problems. You pressure me again. Just leave, Sorry". and that was that. So after 2 years thi sis how it ends. Lads, I'm being honest to you.

I deserved better than this head wrecker. One seriously messed up individual.

tbh you have yourself to blame for alot of this. If your going to act like a doormat, you'll be treated like one.

First point, when two people are going out and love each other, they dont ask for space when one of them is having family problems. This is usually the time your other half will be wanting/needing to see you as much as possible to get help them through it.

2nd point. As soon she texted you saying she's off to London and to not ring you it's P45 time pretty much. I'd simple text her back "Grand. Have a good time." and I certainly wouldnt be the one making first contact when she gets back.

3rd - wtf are you playing at booking her a spa weekend? the only Spa weekend you should be taking her on is one to belgium so you can run her over in a F1 car. She legs it to London with no explaination and then your willing to treat her to a weekend away?

Last week I began making plans of going away for a weekend to a spa resort so after talking to her she agreed to go.

Another big wtf. she agreed too? well that's nice of her. Most gf would already have the bags backed and ready before you finsih the sentence "I booked us a spa weekend in...." yet this silly bint needs to be talked around, goodluck too her.


Once you text her about the concert, I wouldnt be making any effort to see her on sunday, and certainly wouldnt be the one to suggest. Chances are I'd snub her for the footie even if there wasnt any on and would make up any excuse not too see her.


But after she knocks you back for a date cos she's going shopping with a firend to help him buy his gf something(lol) your still willing to take her away and you text her about it? when she went to London, did she take your balls with her and leave them over there? The last thing you should be doing at this stage is trying too organise a Spa weekend for her! The fact you still persisantly text/call her even after all this is worse. The girl sounds like a right bitch, but my head would be wrecked aswell if I was dating someone as needy and clingy as you.

you dodged a bullet on this one, but in the future learn to be less of a doormat and dont let anyone walk all over that much, and certainly dont keep running after them like a lost puppy when they tell you too **** off.

iPlop

You do deserve better.I was with a head melter for 3 years like that and im tellin' you now in 6 weeks time you will be brand new and you won't know yourself

LegacyUser

Guys,

thanks a million for the advice. I will know now in future. I'm not going to turn into a bastard after this but I will be more weary. She was a bitch but I wouldnt find myself as being clingy or needy. I'm one of the most laid back guys you could meet. However what riles me is that she took advantage of my kindness and walked all over me. It aint gonna happen again I can assure you.

It will be tough but i'll get over it. You're right I should have handed her the P45 after London but I was naive in the belief that things were fine. It happened all so quick which makes it bewildering.

Cheers.

Wagon

Un****ingbelieveable. Well mate, I'm sorry to hear about that. I really really am, that's ****ing awful. But to hell with it, the good thing about this whole situation is that you'll be able to get over her fast now realising what a waste of space she is. Good luck and chin up mate

Raekwon

Jaysus she sounded like a right selfish cow! But you're not the only one mate, myself and a few of my buddies have been on the end of a few crazy stunts like that in the past but you will be a stronger, wiser and more confident person for it I promise you. Okay it doesn't feel like that now and you will have a tough few weeks ahead of you but as everybody here has said it does get easier with time and from my own personal experience I can tell you that it really does.

On a (controversial?) side note: In my experience women tend to do this to nice guys but then again it's a sellers market out there and they are basically spoilt for choice and IMO that is why they act like emotional retarded egomaniacs for the most part.

But chin up and take this opportunity to really improve yourself & your life.........not for her, for YOU! Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Guys,

Thanks a million for the advice, I really needed it. Went out for the Halloween weekend (Thursday & Friday) and had a blast. I can tell you that its not easy at the moment, especially with my Mum who is terminally ill. It has taken a huge psychological toll on me as it seems that everything is coming at me once. But all I can do is pick myself up, stay focused and move on. Life is about knocks. I'm surrounding myself with friends at this very difficult time for me. I'm convinced it will all eventually come right and the pain will receed with time.

Cheers.

Mr. P

Cheers guys for the chin up, I really needed it. I have been finding it very tough to get over her these last few days. First time in nearly 2 1/2 years that i'm single and its not easy adjusting. I am also having to cope with the fact that my Mum is terminally ill so its making the recovery process that little bit harder. I am surrounding myself with friends to get me out of this, but you guys are right, time is the great healer. I have to be strong and remain focused.

Maybe some good will come out of this. I have learned valuable lessons from this episode in namely never allow myself to be taken advantage of. I will not be nice or naive in the future and I will always be suspicious of people no matter what their motives.

Once bitten twice shy I guess.

P.S. You're right zuroph, I'll guess I'll never find out what she was getting up to.

Wibbs

Jesus, sorry to hear about your mum and I'm glad you have mates around you.

This just adds to the sheer selfishness of your(luckliy) ex as no doubt she knew about this. I wouldn't be surprised if this had at least something to do with it. I've actually seen where someone got dumped in a situation like this, only to have her come sniffing back down the line. Unreal.

Mr. P wrote:

Maybe some good will come out of this.

It will. It may take some time for you to see it, but as you say you will have learned something.

I have learned valuable lessons from this episode in namely never allow myself to be taken advantage of.

A good idea.

I will not be nice or naive in the future and I will always be suspicious of people no matter what their motives.

The first part I kinda agree with, but if you don't mind me saying I would ease up on the second part. At the moment you're cynical and that's bloody understandable, but try not to get stuck in that mode of thinking. It'll bring worse emotional issues. If your heart has been broken it's a very hard thing to let it open up again, but you have to try. Not today or tomorrow of course, but somewhere down the line. If you don't you will close yourself off from someone who won't be like your ex.

IMHO men are particularly bad for this. Women may say they won't fall like that again, but in my experience, while cautious at first they are more emotionally open and will try again. Often many times. Men if they do go down that road of cynicism after a broken heart stay that way. I've seen it far too often with men I know and it does not make for a happy life.

Mr. P

Wibbs, she knew about my Mum and would often ask me how she was getting on. I would never take back such a person, not in a million years even if she did come sniffing back. Highly unlikely though. It feels like she abandoned me at my most vulnerable moment. In a normal situation, I would say, screw her, but not now in my delicate emotional state.

Out of a relationship that I invested so much time and effort, all I have got out of it is heartbreak, having everything slammed back in my face. I'm normally not a person to hold grudges but I'm feeling a mixture of emotions towards her, from anger, sadness and outright cynical.

I will learn lessons from this, but its just going to be too hard not to feel cynical and paranoid after this. Going into this relationship, I was the happy go lucky, easy going, good natured loving guy, now I feel I will completely change as a result. Though your right, the next person I meet might appreciate me more, for the person I am, than the last schmoo. Some people accuse me of behaving like a lost puppy, but puit yourself in my position and in my circumstances. All I needed was the emotional and loving support that I should have got.

What happened to the values of love, honesty, trust and respect, or maybe I'm do damn old fashioned.

Wagon

Firstly dude, sorry to hear about your ma. Can't be easy so hope your holding up alright. And yes things have changed in how people go about relationships. I'm fairly cynical about it myself, but the thing I found out was that you can't tar people with the same brush. so whenever I'm single, i approach any prospective lady with caution. So that way I keep my guard up, and then when someone nice comes along i let it down gradually. Try that approach next time and you can weed out the bad ones. Your ex was an out and out bitch or she turned into one. She'll shag a few lads (**** one i know, but I know the feeling) and then realised that she needs someone to care about her and will come back to you. By that stage, you'll just laugh at her and give her a few pennies for telling a good joke. Or better yet, you might never hear from her again and you can get on with your life. Anyway, when you need to vent about it some more, post back here. Everyone else hates your ex too

Wibbs

Mr. P wrote: »

Wibbs, she knew about my Mum and would often ask me how she was getting on.

Grand but as you've discovered, talk is cheap.

I would never take back such a person, not in a million years even if she did come sniffing back.

Good and fair play.

Highly unlikely though.

Don't be too sure. It would not surprise me. So be prepared for that.

Out of a relationship that I invested so much time and effort, all I have got out of it is heartbreak, having everything slammed back in my face. I'm normally not a person to hold grudges but I'm feeling a mixture of emotions towards her, from anger, sadness and outright cynical.

Well I would advise you forget her and look to yourself. Look at your side of the break up. OK she sounds like a right wan, but it's never just one sided, even if your side was a tiny part of it, take a look at it. For your own sake. You may find that you were a little clingy or the boredom had crept in, stuff like that. It doesn't negate or excuse her muppetry, but it could help you down the line, if you know what I mean.

I will learn lessons from this, but its just going to be too hard not to feel cynical and paranoid after this.

Oh yes, been there. I've been shafted by a few in my time. Looking back, yes sometimes it was more my fault, but many times it was not. They were simply emotionally incontinent nutbags.

Going into this relationship, I was the happy go lucky, easy going, good natured loving guy, now I feel I will completely change as a result.

Change is good, but throwing the baby out with the bathwater is not. This crap will inform how you act in future, but try to make it do so in ways good for you.

Though your right, the next person I meet might appreciate me more, for the person I am, than the last schmoo.

Exactly.

Some people accuse me of behaving like a lost puppy, but puit yourself in my position and in my circumstances. All I needed was the emotional and loving support that I should have got.

I will say this - and this well may be my own cynicism - but I have learned that if I'm looking for emotional and loving support I look to myself first and foremost. Support from elsewhere is very welcomed, but I would neither expect it nor rely on it. I have to say I would rely on it more from mates of either gender than lovers. That is me being cynical though:D

What happened to the values of love, honesty, trust and respect, or maybe I'm do damn old fashioned.

They're out there, they're just harder to find. People have so many more options now, or at least they think they do, so actualy staying put from loyalty can be too much like hard work for many. Men and women alike. Keep looking though. To do otherwise is pointless.

Mr. P

Wagon,

Most likely yeah she'll screw a few guys, but I couldnt care less. If I go off and do the same, it should not concern her either.

Wibbs, if there was a problem in the relationship, why did she get in a huff when I pulled her up and her travelling to and fro-ing from London and offering all the excuses in the world to not seeing me. I guess I'll never find out. When I asked her last week to meet up and talk about, that was it, she refused point blank and said goodbye. Was she hiding something that she couldnt stomach to seeing me. Or maybe boredom had set in.I did book the holiday in an effort to reignite things but imagine if she had moved in with me. Heaven forbid, i'd probably be up for murder.

Lookiing back she was an emotional train wreck, however my judgement was clouded by my love for her. Anyway I'd doubt it very much if she did come back. however if she does, a big red card is waiting in my back pocket.

Wagon

Mr. P wrote: »

Wagon,

Most likely yeah she'll screw a few guys, but I couldnt care less. If I go off and do the same, it should not concern her either.

That's the spirit! you'll be fine dude, just keep busy and good luck.