Father seeing younger woman..

LegacyUser

Younger than me, that is. He's late 50's, She's early twenties. My parents have been separated for approx 10yrs now, and during that time he has had a couple of girlfriends in their thirties, but this is ridiculous. And it's quite obvious what they're both getting out of it. She's foreign by the way. I'm just completely sickened by it all, and was wondering what other people thought of the situation, and if anyone else's father behaved the same way?

Nevyn

Why is this a PI for you ?

Colonel_McCoy

Is he only allowed to be happy under your terms?

LegacyUser

It is a PI for me because it involves a family member's behaviour which i have a problem with.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Not at all, i never said that. I'm discussing how I feel about the situation and wanted to know if others would feel like this too or whether i was in the minority. What he does is his business, he's a grown man and all that, but I don't have to like it or feel comfortable with it, do I?

Nevyn

Sickened wrote: »

It is a PI for me because it involves a family member's behaviour which i have a problem with.

Ok why do you have a problem ?
What has you so 'Sickened' ?

What two adults do together or them choosing to be in a relationship is for them to decide.

Did you think that your parents would get back together ?
Is it that she is close to your age ?

Why is this an issue for you ?

As for inheritance, no one is entitled to ANYTHING from their parents,
while he is alive he can choose to what he want with his money and his assets and his property.

biko

Thaedydal wrote: »

As for inheritance, no one is entitled to ANYTHING from their parents, while he is alive he can choose to what he want with his money and his assets and his property.

QFT! OP if you feel that there is an issue you should speak to him. If you're worried about not getting your share of the inheritance then bring it up with him if you are certain she's a gold digger.

Mr. Presentable

OP, sorry to be harsh, but it's none of your business. You are an adult and would object to being told who you can go out with by another family member, no? Your father is an adult also and entitled to make his own life decisions.

Kold

Surely he wouldn't be with her if he didn't actually want to be...

tbh

Sickened wrote: »

Not at all, i never said that. I'm discussing how I feel about the situation and wanted to know if others would feel like this too or whether i was in the minority. What he does is his business, he's a grown man and all that, but I don't have to like it or feel comfortable with it, do I?

no. but you don't get to tell your father who he can or can't see either. that's just the way it works.

The_Conductor

Lets look at this the other way- totally aside from inheritance- her father is sleeping with someone younger than her....... I can see why this would be creepy........

No one should have their happiness dictated to them on other people's terms though. If she makes him happy- you should be happy for him- maybe in time she might be a friend for you too. If you take the time to get to know her- maybe she is a really nice person?

LegacyUser

I haven't spoken to him about it because like i said earlier its his business and he's a grown man. And besides, it wouldn't make a bit of difference, and would just cause trouble. To be honest, the inheritance thing never even crossed my mind, i agree with Thaedydal there, i don't think children should expect anything.. The main problem i have is the age difference and i'm sure i can't be the only one who would have a problem with their father being in a relationship with somebody who is younger than his daughter. Also i'm not materialistic in the slightest and it disgusts me knowing that this relationship is based on using each other for what they can get. He has a very nice lifestyle and plenty of money which is obviously where the attraction for her is. Another reason this infuriates is the fact that my mother never got close to what she was entitled to when they separated. But that is another story altogether.

Beruthiel

Sickened wrote: »

Not at all, i never said that. I'm discussing how I feel about the situation and wanted to know if others would feel like this too or whether i was in the minority. What he does is his business, he's a grown man and all that, but I don't have to like it or feel comfortable with it, do I?

You may feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, but why it would sicken you is a puzzle. If he is happy isn't that all that matters?
Sometimes, the person you fall in love with, is not always the 'correct age required' for social opinion to approve.

As for those commenting on inheritance, lol.
What a person does with their own property/money is their business.
I've already told my daughter that if I knew I had six months to live I'd sell up and party till I dropped/ran out of money.
I made my own way in this world, so will she and so will the OP.

Macha

Sickened wrote: »

Not at all, i never said that. I'm discussing how I feel about the situation and wanted to know if others would feel like this too or whether i was in the minority. What he does is his business, he's a grown man and all that, but I don't have to like it or feel comfortable with it, do I?

You can't control other people so maybe the best way to deal with this, as Thaedydal suggested, is to analyse why you're reacting like this. Do you have a controlling tendency, any issues of self-esteem, other problems in your relationship with your dad or any xenophobic tendencies? I'm not accusing you of these things, just throwing them out there. I'm aware they're difficult questions to ask yourself but ultimately they can help you find peace with things that are outside your control.

Slow Motion

His life OP, leave him to it! If you started seeing someone he didn't approve of would you tell him to fcuk off and mind his own business?

Imposter

It might be the cynical side of me coming to the fore but people of similar ages also use each other for what they can get in relationships. In the case of such a big age difference the advantages of the relationship are perhaps more obvious from both sides but self interest is there on both sides, I would assume and such behaviour is normal in any relationship to some degree or another surely!

is_that_so

That 27-30 age group appears to be attractive to men in their late 40s or early 50s. As a friend of mine said about her ex "He's entitled to his happiness too". He may be your father but he is also a man. Having seen others unfairly on the receiving end of children's ire, I would also ask the OP where this is coming from?

Nevyn

So you hate to see you father spending his money on the new younger woman in his life while you feel your mother has been short changed by life and the seperation ?

wasper

Sickened wrote: »

Younger than me, that is. He's late 50's, She's early twenties. My parents have been separated for approx 10yrs now, and during that time he has had a couple of girlfriends in their thirties, but this is ridiculous. And it's quite obvious what they're both getting out of it. She's foreign by the way. I'm just completely sickened by it all, and was wondering what other people thought of the situation, and if anyone else's father behaved the same way?

Lets see what will you do in your 50s when a young woman make you feel alive.
Come on, he is a free agent. Would you have him feeling sorry for himself. He is responding to the situation in the best possible way. I salute him.

LegacyUser

I am in a way Thaedydal, but i have seen him splash his cash on a lot of women over the 10 yrs, and as i mentioned one or two of the girlfriends were in their thirties. And i accepted that was his life, and so did my monther. But its really the age difference here that bothers me the most. I really do find it creep y that a man pushing 60 is sleeping with a girls in her early twenties, which is a good few years younger than me, and over 10yrs younger than my sister!

AngryBadger

Sickened wrote: »

The main problem i have is the age difference and i'm sure i can't be the only one who would have a problem with their father being in a relationship with somebody who is younger than his daughter. Also i'm not materialistic in the slightest and it disgusts me knowing that this relationship is based on using each other for what they can get. He has a very nice lifestyle and plenty of money which is obviously where the attraction for her is.

OP are you for real? You have a problem with your father who is seperated 10 years dating a woman younger than you because you feel it's "disgusting" that they're using each other? I think you need to come down off the mountain there OP, you're talking about 2 consenting adults, they're entitled to do whatever the hell they want, and if you don't like it then pity about you.

Sickened wrote: »

Another reason this infuriates is the fact that my mother never got close to what she was entitled to when they separated. But that is another story altogether.

If it's another story then why are you bringing it up at all?

To be honest OP your problem with your father seeing another woman seems juvenile and selfish. Whatever the age difference as long as you're talking about two consenting adults then you have no grounds for complaining. Even if she is using your father for his money, he's not an idiot, he's been around the block and he's happy to go along with this, it's his call not yours.

Even if you had valid grounds for being opposed to this relationship (and you don't seem to) when all is said and done it's your fathers call to make, not yours.

Alessandra

I agree that it's the fathers own business who he wants to be with.

However I do understand how the OP would be put out having her dad go out with someone who could have been in her class in school:eek:
I suppose there may be a little jealousy about her usurping your position as well?

Leave it be OP as long as he is not hurting anyone he is a free agent. You should try and come to terms with the situation.

LegacyUser

Just to clarify Wasper, i am a woman but i hope when i reach my late fifties i won't be sleeping with a guy who is ten years younger than my firstborn! And Alessandra, she wouldn't have even been in the same class as me, She's five years younger!

MojoMaker

Sickened wrote: »

Another reason this infuriates is the fact that my mother never got close to what she was entitled to when they separated.

This is the real reason for this thread, despite protestations to the contrary. I am genuinely sorry you feel such bitterness towards your father, and in many cases I would agree, how dare he enjoy himself, rediscover his sexuality, enjoy the spicier side of life and harvest the gains he's made for himself throughout his life when he behaved so callously towards you and your mother and left you behind for a different kind of life.

The age concern is just a wrapper in this issue. If you were getting on well with your Dad and looked up to him as a daughter should you would be on here saying "fair f*cks" to him - living a life that any father would be envious of.

Dragan

Sickened wrote: »

Also i'm not materialistic in the slightest and it disgusts me knowing that this relationship is based on using each other for what they can get.

All relationships are basically using each other for what you can get.

You are with someone because some aspect of them makes you happy.

Dinter

How is your mother doing now? Is she with someone or is she at least comfortable financially? You mention that your mother wasn't looked after very well in the divorce. It might be that your thoughts towards your father's relationship are as a result of you thinking that he's somehow having a better life than your mother.

Tbh I think most people would find the idea of a 60 year old man with a 22 year old faintly laughable but also pathetic. However in your case it could be that you don't have much respect for your father anyway after the way he treated your mother and that's why you find it so abhorrent. Even if you do still respect your father this could simply be that you're afraid she's using him. What exactly is the issue with her being a foreigner? Are you afraid that she's after a passport or your inheritance?

People are quick to dismiss your mother from this as she's been gone for 10 years although I'd imagine it seems like it didn't happen that long ago for you. Personally I'd treat this "relationship" your father's having with the respect it deserves. People talk about how it's between two consenting adults and none of your concern but, as one of them is your father, he should be aware of your feelings and do what he can to alleviate them. These days it seems ok to think of parents as self contained units with the privileges of free wil they had as teenagers. They're not, they gave that up when they had children.

If he doesn't at least try to make you more comfortable with this then I'd consider cutting contact or a least lessening it until you feel up to approaching him. You should try and sort out your thoughts before this festers further.

LegacyUser

Mojomaker and Dinter you are both absolutely spot on. Thank you. I suppose i don't have much respect for him and yes i probably would deal with it better if i did look up to him. As regards my mother, she hasn't found anyone, she's happy with plenty of friends and is adored by her children and grandchildren, so although she lives a very modest life she's living a far richer life then my father, BUT it took a long time to get to this stage for her, and she has had a LOT of financial worry and financial security is still a big concern for her..

Rowley Birkin QC

Sickened wrote: »

She's foreign by the way.

What has this to do with it?

OP, let your Dad get on with his life tbh.

aye

OP if he's happy then whats the problem.
its nothing to do with you at the end of the day.

if she makes your dad happy you should be happy for him, regardless of age or anything else.

Drift

Hey OP, being honest if I was in your situation I wouldn't be at all impressed either. Rightly or wrongly when I see older men with much much younger women I tend to think she's in it for the money and pampering and he's in it for the sex. This is not always the case though, sometimes there's a genuine love/affection that people find it hard to comprehend because they "couldn't possibly have anything in common."

So which way is it with your dad and his gf? None of us on the internet can tell AND you can't tell either. All you can do is wait and see. If they are genuinely in love with each other the relationship will last or run it's course and you should keep your mouth shut and be happy that your dad is enjoying himself. If one party is using the other then it'll end at some stage and you should be there for your dad to watch out for him and help him pick up the pieces. It's perfectly possible for you to keep an eye on your dad without interfering or even commenting on his relationship. (Like Dragan said when it comes down to it we're all "using" partners to get what we want.)

I think your main problem with this relationship stems from the fact that you think your mother was hard done by when your parents split up. It's almost certain that you as one of the "children" of the relationship didn't know a lot of what was going on with your parents. Has your mother ever expressed the opinion that she was hard done by in the break-up? If she hasn't then who are you to second guess what happened or didn't happen between your parents when they were splitting up. They are each now trying to move on with their lives and enjoy themselves in their own way. Just because she doesn't have a young toy boy doesn't mean she isn't enjoying herself. (Then again maybe she does, who knows!)

If it's a case that your mother has expressed disappointment or anger at her treatment in the break-up, it's unfair of her to burden it on you. It is possible for you to have a healthy relationship with both your parents without having to take sides. I think you may see your father doing well financially and going out with this young woman and think he's getting the best of the break up deal while your mother is suffering. It's unlikely that this is completely true. People suffer in different ways.

My advice would be to live and let live. Cultivated a genuine relationship with both your parents but let them live their lives. You just be there to provide a helping "non-judgemental" hand when needed.

MagicMarker

OP, sounds like you're sickened because your ageing father may have a better sex life than you.

Fair play to him.

Doc

I have to say I agree with the OP this would really weird me out and I would have a great deal of difficulty accepting it. Now I’m not in the situation where my parents are separated or even look as though they ever might but I can still appreciate how messed up it would be if this situation happened to me. The people who are saying its ok are you all %100 sure that if you where in the OP’s situation you would not fell the same.

The only thing I would advise if for you to talk to both this other woman and your dad. In fairness from what you have said I don’t think you have given the woman a chance yet. Now I understand why you wouldn’t be inclined to do so but she may be a good person. I would have a good talk to her and then make up you mind. After this I would talk to my dad and be completely honest about how you feel about the relationship he is in. It would be very difficult but its better then the situation you are in now.

All in all I have to say I would be totally uncomfortable in the same situation but I believe that I am close enough to my father that I would be able to tell him so.

On a side note I have often found with friends that have parents who are separated or divorced that they tend to take sides with one parent or the other. Is it the case in your situation that you would be more on the side of your mother in most things?

I am in no way justifying the relationship as I said before I would be incredibly uncomfortable with it but sometimes other issues can add to your anger about the current ones.

Kiera

MagicMarker wrote: »

OP, sounds like you're sickened because your ageing father may have a better sex life than you.

Fair play to him.

Grow up!

LegacyUser

Thanks Keira i wasn't even going to dignify him with a response! And thank you Doc, good advice, yeah i would be far closer to my mam and saw first hand what she went through..

von Neumann

Hi OP,

I for one can see where your coming from.
Tbh I'm not sure how I would feel about it, but I can see why your uncomfortable with it.

I think a lot of people will trout out the PC line of they're two consenting adults and blah blah blah...... if only life was that straight forward.

Have you felt this way with his previous girlfriends or is this one in particular that's causing the problem?

Eoin

Thaedydal et al, when did the OP ever mention the inheritance? Do you find it that hard to believe that it may be hard for someone to come to terms with their dad going out with someone who is younger than them? Fair play if you could easily deal with a child of yours going out with someone older than you are.

The Corinthian

Sickened wrote: »

Another reason this infuriates is the fact that my mother never got close to what she was entitled to when they separated. But that is another story altogether.

All part of the same story, I'm afraid.

I can certainly understand where you're coming from on one level, having been in a similar situation, but I suspect that this issue is simply part of a wider relationship problem with your father.

marti101

I think op whether your mother was hard done by or not that has no bearing on your relationship with your father,thats up to your mother to say something and not youAlso something else jumps out you cant blame your dad for your mothers financial downfall,they are seperated 10 years so really enough time for her to get her self together.Whether he has money is not here nor there thats nobody else business.If you dont like it well thats tough you are an adult and either accept it or dont.

Blazer

If my parents ever split up and been separated for 10 years..and my old fella pulls a young foreign bird I'll be asking him for advice the jammy fvcker.
It's none of your business. He's 60 years of age and having his fun fair due to him.

Acoshla

Well, so far, I only see responses from people who do not have experience of the same situation, let me add my side

I'm 23, my Dad's 51, his girlfriend was 22 a few months ago, was a year behind me in school, and my parents split very amicably when I was 5 so I am completely ok with that side of it.

My Dad's a nice guy but to be honest has no assets worth fighting over, so neither my point of view or his girlfriends is affected by my inheritance/her golddigging. They have been together a few years, both seem happy (I do think this girl is into the father figure thing which explains a lot really, and my Dad is quite an immature 51 year old so a woman his own age would never be able to put up with him!) But yeah, at the start it freaked me out, and it still gets a bemused look from people when they see them together or hear about it, and to be honest she looks 30 but people still remark on the age gap.

Having been through this I have to agree with the OP, it IS weird! I was a toddler when she was born for God's sake, what could he have in common with someone from such a different generation??

It's easy to post to an online thread about how it's his life and that the OP should be fine with it, but when it's your Dad and you're at his girlfriends 21st (which he asked my mom to make a cake for, we are a very 21st century family ) it is a little tough to take in!

So OP, I would say if your Dad is happy be happy, be nice, and then shake your head and say "how the hell, what in the name of...?" when you're on your own

However, if you do think she's taking advantage of him, he is a grown up, so all you can do is stand by and watch and hope he sees her for what she is, otherwise, you should do what I do, make it my interesting story when making small talk with new people! :rolleyes:

the_syco

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

Is he only allowed to be happy under your terms?

Agreed. OP: although you don't care for the inheritance, you seem to care for the money. Maybe not your share, as such, but you mentioned your mother getting hard done in the divorce.

=-=

Also, it seems your Dad has played the field, and probably knows what she wants, but rich people stay rich by being rich. By this I mean I don't see him giving much money to her in the long run. She may be his lover, or he may see her as a plaything. Either way, it has nothing to do with you.

The more you read into it, the more infuriated you'll become, so try to ignore it. Look at his past relationships: did they last long?

Pol Pot

sure it's her fathers right to see whoever he wants....but his daughter has equal rights to be uncomfortable ....yes ....even sickened by it.

Is the OP not entitled to freedom of expression?
bah!! to all your liberal oppression.

OP there is not much you can do about it really - unless you badger him (which would prob be not nice and get you some bad karma)

It may be useful to try and get to know her....although girls nights out talking about your sex lives over a few glasses of wine might be a bit awkward
She may be quite decent.

Otherwise you prob just have to grin and bear it.

Sangre

I have to laugh at the people who say put up or shut up. I seriously doubt most people wouldn't be put out by one of their parents going out with someone 5 years younger than them. You could have siblings that age. No matter how much you sugar coat it with 'its his life', 'he is a grown man' etc., it doesn't change the fact the child will find it just plain creepy. To think that you have more life experience (and probably maturity) than the person who is going out with the person who raised you and gave you this experience.

Now obviously she can't dictate his life, tell him what to do or anything really. That doesn't change the fact the OP would find this very weird. I can't even imagine going out with someone 5 years younger than me.

mud

I have to say I am weirded out by many of the responses to this particular PI This is clearly a genuine misery for the OP and a lot of the responses were so bloody gung ho! "Fair play" "younger woman phwoarr" etc, also jumping all over any bit of backgound she gave eg the fact the girl is foreign, stating this is not an automatic indication of any racism tbh, also when she mentioned her mum, again this was over analysed to fook!

OP This must be really strange for you, I hope you can come to some kind of resolution with it, I cannot imagine how it feels to have your dad dating someone younger than you. Maybe they are genuine soulmates, it's possible I suppose, still find the thoughts of such a wide age gap fairly suspect though. At the end of the day he's your Dad and only you know how much of his personal life you can handle being privy to. I'd try and stay at least phone friendly so you can be in touch when you need to talk to him.

Good luck! x m

Victor

MagicMarker wrote: »

OP, sounds like you're sickened because your ageing father may have a better sex life than you.

Fair play to him.

Can you stick to constructive posts please?

beth-lou

Hi OP,

My dad is exactly the same as yours. I think the people that are telling you that you are being unreasonable have no idea what it is like to be the child of a man with a wandering eye and a penchant for the younger model. They are speaking from ignorance and if they had any idea of the hurt that he has caused both to you and the rest of your family they wouldn't be so quick to judge. And the mention of the inheritance is a bit bizarre and probably the last thing that you are thinking about. There is so much else in between.

Listen, I have been where you are. It is not a nice place. You are angry about other things. This girl is just one of many, and is not the real problem. The problem lies in your relationship with your father. Or the lack of a "proper" father daughter relationship, which you are really longing for. Unfortunately, there is no happy ending to that idealistic wish. He is who he is and you will either have to accept that or break contact with him. He is not going to be someone else. This is who he is. A man who never really grew up. I suppose what I'm saying is that no amount of anger is going to make your Dad look at women his own age. And no amount of anger will fix what went wrong in your family when your parents split.

You need to let go. I didn't talk to my Dad for two years. Not because he was with younger girls, but because of things he did that showed a complete disregard for us, his family, his kids and his wife. Things he did which hurt us as a whole, while he was living the high life and my Mam was literally counting penny's to pay bills and buy food and keep 6 kids going. There were things that I won't speak about here because I have forgiven him, but big things happened and he wasn't there for us in any way. They happened to him too, but there was an incident which affected us all and he did nothing to help. I suppose he still doesn't. We have another big issue and he is still on the sidelines. All he can do is throw money our way, and that wouldn't solve this problem. He could do a lot if he was wiling to step up and be the father he never was, but that won't happen. Am I angry about that, no. Why? Because I don't expect him to. So if I have no expectations of him, I can never be dissapointed by him. And that attitude to him has saved me a lot of anger, a lot of wasted energy and a lot of heartache.

It's crap that he isn't your bog standard Dad. It sucks, it really does, but it could be worse. He's your Dad, as flawed as he may be, he's the only one you've got. Try to let go of the stuff that happened 10 years ago, you can't change it. Build on the present with him and make a better future. The girl is probably lovely. If he connects better with a 20 year old, well what can you do. Let him be. If she's after money and he's after sex with a younger girl then it sounds like they're both getting something out of it. Try not to think about the age thing. It is creepy and it is a bit weird to think of your Dad shagging someone your age, it just is, so say what you want people, but it s. No amount of rational is going to change that. Especially when your Dad asks you if you've any single friends. (I kid you not!) My reply was that none of them would ut up with you. Which is true.

My advice in short is take him as you see him, don't expect too much and he can't dissapoint you. But most of all, let it go. It's wasted energy. Your Mam sounds happy which is great. You should be happy too. Don't let the past dictate your life. And I hope you can come to terms with who your Dad is and accept him.
good luck. x

Darragh29

mud wrote: »

I have to say I am weirded out by many of the responses to this particular PI This is clearly a genuine misery for the OP and a lot of the responses were so bloody gung ho! "Fair play" "younger woman phwoarr" etc, also jumping all over any bit of backgound she gave eg the fact the girl is foreign, stating this is not an automatic indication of any racism tbh, also when she mentioned her mum, again this was over analysed to fook!

OP This must be really strange for you, I hope you can come to some kind of resolution with it, I cannot imagine how it feels to have your dad dating someone younger than you. Maybe they are genuine soulmates, it's possible I suppose, still find the thoughts of such a wide age gap fairly suspect though. At the end of the day he's your Dad and only you know how much of his personal life you can handle being privy to. I'd try and stay at least phone friendly so you can be in touch when you need to talk to him.

Good luck! x m

+1. Very strange responses indeed, I've noticed a lot of very dismissive responses that are clearly not based on any type of lifetime experience. I wouldn't be having this if it landed on my doorstep and if some posters here were a little more honest with themselves, they would't be having it either if it arrived on their doorstep, as in if this situation came upon their own family.

This has nothing to do with inheritance??? Well maybe not directly... In ten years time, the OP will be elderly and could be married to this 20 something year old and he will be almost 70. I hope the OP's father is in the best of health and remains so, but he isn't getting any younger and when he eventually needs more care, like all our parents will in the next 10-15 years.

As he gets older, I'd be concerned if I was the OP that this girl could be married to your father, and then in a few years time, could have decided that as your Dad gets older and is now entering his 70's, she has moved on to a man her own age. She now has full entitlement to his estate, and the OP and her family are left looking after an elderly father that a 30 something year old will have no interest in, she'll be away with a man her own age and the next time you'll see her is when a will is being read out.

Are people here posting with comments like "His life, his business, stay out of it", going to tell me now that they would not have an issue with this if scenario I posted above, came to their door???

It's easy to be so dismissive of a situation when you've never had to deal with it before, as a wise man once told me, "but for the grace of God, there go I"...

The Corinthian

beth-lou wrote: »

They are speaking from ignorance and if they had any idea of the hurt that he has caused both to you and the rest of your family they wouldn't be so quick to judge.

That's not the same thing as him dating a younger woman though. Superficially, most would (rightly, IMHO) say good on him when answering the OP's query at face value. However if one reads in-between the lines, the reality is that the issue here is not that her father is dating a younger woman, but her relationship with him (whether this is because he's a bad man or not).

The two may be linked, but ultimately they are separate issues, so if you don't grasp the real relationship issue what is at the core of her problem and stick to the simple 'younger woman' question, you'll just get people responding predictably in favour of the father.

And the mention of the inheritance is a bit bizarre and probably the last thing that you are thinking about. There is so much else in between.

I've been in a similar position and it was one of the first things I thought of. Maybe I'm just more cold blooded.

My advice in short is take him as you see him, don't expect too much and he can't dissapoint you. But most of all, let it go. It's wasted energy. Your Mam sounds happy which is great. You should be happy too. Don't let the past dictate your life. And I hope you can come to terms with who your Dad is and accept him.

Fairly sound advice on what is the real issue at hand.

beth-lou

The Corinthian wrote: »

That's not the same thing as him dating a younger woman though. Superficially, most would (rightly, IMHO) say good on him when answering the OP's query at face value. However if one reads in-between the lines, the reality is that the issue here is not that her father is dating a younger woman, but her relationship with him (whether this is because he's a bad man or not).

The two may be linked, but ultimately they are separate issues, so if you don't grasp the real relationship issue what is at the core of her problem and stick to the simple 'younger woman' question, you'll just get people responding predictably in favour of the father.

Indeed. Having experienced it myself though, I read between the lines pretty quickly. I didn't mean to insult anyone by saying they were ignorant of the issues. But some of the replies were pretty out there and far removed from her real problem and a little harsh.

LegacyUser

Thank you thank you thank you to the posters last night and this morning who see my point of view and understand the situation. I was getting a bit p'd off with all the PC comments that were thrown at me at first and I do believe more people would have an issue with this situation if it concerned them and their family. Its really been great to hear from Beth-lou and Spadina in particular as they've experienced the same sort of thing. Beth-lou in particular our fathers sound identical..

Also just to reiterate inheritance was the last thing on my mind, yes if the situation turns out like Darragh29 suggested it might then that would sicken a lot of people, but to be honest it will only be one further let down after a lifetime of let downs from my father and I am well used to them by now! But i have got to the stage, as beth lou mentioned, that I try not expect anything from him and therefore don't end up disappointed.

Marti101 you posted:
'you cant blame your dad for your mothers financial downfall,they are seperated 10 years so really enough time for her to get her self together.Whether he has money is not here nor there thats nobody else business'

I just want to clarify that her financial struggle happened BECAUSE of my fathers deceit during the separation settlement 10 years ago, and yes she has found her feet now, 10 years later, but she still leads an extremely modest life despite working ridiculously hard in their business while they were married, which he now owns and reaps the benefits of, allowing him to splash the cash around so frivously.