Worst Possible situation

HouseHippo

Not sure if this is serious enough for PI feel free to move or close.

So ever since I was 12 I have wanted to go to this particular college. I am ready with a portfolio prepared and all...

However today I found out that a girl who since 6th class has made my life a living hell has applied to the same college.
Ever since I met her she has had a problem with me, I don't know where it stems for but she has done and said unspeakable things to and about me, her bullying caused me to have a breakdown at 14. I was sent to a John of God's for 2 weeks. Of course I retalliated to her rumours etc I am big enough to admit that, but I was 12, 13,14

I have never been popular at school, I was a bit of a wierdo but now I have matured and am a totally diff person. I always thought College would be a new start for me as all my friends are college students anyway and I seem to fit in with that crowd, however I have no doubt this girl will go out of her way to ruin college for me like she ruined school. I can't even be in the same room as her without feeling sick.

Now I feel I must change alll my plans and give up my dream. What can I do???

Davei141

Dramatic much? People grow up in 4 years chances of her even giving you a second thought in college are slim to none.

HouseHippo

Davei141 wrote: »

Dramatic much? People grow up in 4 years chances of her even giving you a second thought in college are slim to none.

No need to be so rude.

Well we are in 6th year now and she is still giving me hassle the only reason it calmed down is because the police were involved. So I doubt over the 3 months she is going to all of a sudden be best of friends with me

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

If you let this girl dictate to you where and when you apply, you will regret it forever. And chances are, you'll run into other people who will do the same

At some point you have to make a stand and it's best to do that now.

Apply. Work. Get in. It's not direct competition, so you don;t have to worry about her. If you both get in, neither of you will know anyone so it'll be a clean slate from the start. If she starts fecking about again, distance yourself. Let her dig her own grave.

MagicMarker

Unless you are both applying to the same course you probably won't even see her.

Plus just because she applied doesn't mean she will be accepted or even still go if she is accepted!

colly10

Is she in the exact same course or just the same college? If she's not in the same course then it makes no difference. If she is in the same course go anyway, you can't let someone have such a huge affect on your life

littlefriend

Is she applying for the same course?
I understand that you are worried but college is a whole different world than school - I don't think anyone would really go along with bullying.
As an aside to that you need some help overcoming your fear of her - would you consider some counseling to help you? College is a whole year away you know so you have all that time to build your confidence.
Also, I think a lot of childhood bullies become embarrassed by their previous behaviour. I was really, really bullied by a few people when I was 14 - 16. One guy was particularly bad - he used to spit at me and once he urinated on me in front of a load of other people. Nice hey!! When I see him now he is mortified. I'm not, I think he is an asshole.
Anyway, the best way for you to get over this is to face it.

Karen_*

Its another year before you have to go to college so don't worry about it now.

Hopefully this girl will have grown up in the last few years. Just stay away from her.

Aside from this girl and college the old problem of everyone bullying you is rearing its head again. Your grandparents, your boyfriends friends, workmates and so on. What advice is your counsellor giving you about it all?

Dudess

littlefriend wrote: »

One guy was particularly bad - he used to spit at me and once he urinated on me in front of a load of other people.

Jesus wept, that's horrific

HouseHippo, the best way you can stand up to that bitch (and if the guards were involved that's what she must be) is to damn well go for that course. Changing your plans and giving up on your dream would be ludicrous. And no offence, but it's a bit ridiculous to pretty much resign yourself to that and ask "what can I do?" There is no easy solution but to let her stop you from pursuing what you'd really love to do would be lunacy.

littlefriend

Dudess wrote: »

Jesus wept, that's horrific

Yes it was horrific - really horrific. I had to stand up in front of lots of people who were all laughing their asses off and walk off home in wet clothes. None of my friends came with me.
So OP, I understand what you are going through to some extent. Get angry, rise up within yourself and make the portfolio that you have to submit absolutely kickin. Go to that college and sneer at the thought of that pathetic knacker. Enjoy knowing she is has to watch you flourish while she is stuck in her pathetic mind. Pity her, the fool. I'd know who I'd rather be. best of luck

HouseHippo

MagicMarker wrote: »

Unless you are both applying to the same course you probably won't even see her.

Plus just because she applied doesn't mean she will be accepted or even still go if she is accepted!

It's the same course unfortunately
But here's hoping she doesn't get in

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

HouseHippo wrote: »

It's the same course unfortunately
But here's hoping she doesn't get in

It doesn't matter whether she gets in or not. What matters is whether ot not YOU get in!

HouseHippo

littlefriend wrote: »

Is she applying for the same course?
I understand that you are worried but college is a whole different world than school - I don't think anyone would really go along with bullying.
As an aside to that you need some help overcoming your fear of her - would you consider some counseling to help you? College is a whole year away you know so you have all that time to build your confidence.
Also, I think a lot of childhood bullies become embarrassed by their previous behaviour. I was really, really bullied by a few people when I was 14 - 16. One guy was particularly bad - he used to spit at me and once he urinated on me in front of a load of other people. Nice hey!! When I see him now he is mortified. I'm not, I think he is an asshole.
Anyway, the best way for you to get over this is to face it.

Yeah I was hoping maybe people didn't entertain that behaviour in college

However the thoughts of having to see her and be in the same circle as her makes me phyisically ill. I was hoping that once I got to college I'd never have to deal with all that school stuff ever again, and she would be a constant reminder.


Wow thats horrible. I have had equally as bad stuff happen to me however much of the bullying was rumour spreading as girls do...

HouseHippo

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

It doesn't matter whether she gets in or not. What matters is whether ot not YOU get in!

Well I have worked prettty damn hard

LegacyUser

Hi HouseHippo,

You need to stop worrying about other people and what they think of you. Think about yourself, your friends/family and your goals in life and you will be happy and successful. Worrying about others will hinder your progression in life. I was like that due to bullying when in school. But after a lot of thinking and 'copping on', I realised this was my life, no-one else's and I have to do want I want to do. I'm a totally different person now. I have done things my old self would never have thought I'd achieve. If you want to do something, go at it full steam ahead and forget about other people. Good Luck!!

tbh

HouseHippo wrote: »

Yeah I was hoping maybe people didn't entertain that behaviour in college
.

that's generally true. People are in college because they are into a particular subject, not because they are from a general area. So in college, you can get a mix of people, many of whom may have been bullied in Secondary school. They are more likely to say "God that girl is a dick". I think you'll be ok.

Ann22

You poor thing, I totally understand how you must feel. There was a girl in my class all through secondary who picked on me constantly. It's hard to explain to people what an effect it has on you. This girl used to sit behind me in first year and every time i'd answer a question she'd mimic me, she'd sneer at me in front of others and kick my back if I so much as opened my mouth. She was put sitting next to me in french class so I could help her, which I did, hoping she'd change but it didn't. I went to my french teacher who was lovely...she moved the girl from me for french class but nothing else changed. One day our religion teacher got us all to write her an anonymous letter putting down all our fears and worries. I wrote all about this girl,what she'd been putting me through giving her name too. When the teacher read the letters it seems a few girls had written about this particular girl, she gave a speech to the class talking about bullying and one girl was the main culprit. However to my knowledge nothing was done.
Through the first 3yrs in secondary school I withdrew into a shell, barely speaking to anyone noting that the more I drew attention to myself the more she'd pick on me. Things improved slightly when we got to 5th and 6th yr as we had a few separate classes. I don't know what I would've done if we'd been going to the same college, but if I'd really, really wanted to do the course I probably would've went and prayed I wouldn't have much interaction with her. I still see her about and I can't bear the sight of her. I was in a londis shop a while back and to my horror she appeared behind the counter to serve me. I just dropped the money into her hand,without looking at her and didn't speak a word.
I really hope college will be different for you to what you've gone through at school. You'll both be mixing with strangers and making new friends and everyone else will be that bit more mature even if she's not. She may not continue her horrible behaviour when she's not getting any encouragement. Best of Luck.

The_Minister

How big is the course? I've been in lectures of about 500 people.

Handsome Bob

I suggest that you have a word with her and be as blunt as possible; that assuming you both get into the course, you won't take any crap and will report her to the relevant authorities if she attempts to bully you. Since the gardai were previously involved, I'm sure the University will take the appropiate action. There will be plenty of witness's if she tries to humiliate you so having to 'prove' that she's bullying you won't be an issue.

AngryBadger

OP I notice this is one of several threads started by you and they have very similar content, usually involving you being mis-treated by someone.

I have to be blunt and consider that you may be more at fault than you're letting on here. In all fairness there's only so many times you can find yourself in this position with people before you have to ask the question "Am I doing something to facilitate these situations?". There are plenty of jerks/bitches in the world, but in the main they can only really cause you any trouble if you keep putting yourself in the way of it.

As the saying goes, there's no smoke without fire.

00_katie_00

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP I notice this is one of several threads started by you and they have very similar content, usually involving you being mis-treated by someone.

I have to be blunt and consider that you may be more at fault than you're letting on here. In all fairness there's only so many times you can find yourself in this position with people before you have to ask the question "Am I doing something to facilitate these situations?". There are plenty of jerks/bitches in the world, but in the main they can only really cause you any trouble if you keep putting yourself in the way of it.

As the saying goes, there's no smoke without fire.

AMEN to that, couldnt have said it better myself AngryBadger!:)

nkay1985

I don't often post in PI but, to this, I will.

It's certainly serious enough to be in here anyway so don't worry about it. It's an issue that's troubling you greatly!


My input on all of this is that there's very little chance of it continuing in college. I did four years in UL and my class was small - maximum of 30. There were one or two people in that class who I know for a fact would have been bullied if they went to my secondary school, so maybe had gone through some in their secondary education. But, not once did anyone do or say anything to them. One of them was one of those people who kind of used to tag along with groups that weren't exactly his friends but I always thought people were really nice to, and accepting of, him.

And the people who go to college don't go in for bullying. Even if some of them were bad when they were young, they'll generally have matured. The only situation I could see where this may continue is if some of that girl's gronies attended the same college and retained a lot of contact with her, and just never grew up because they kept each other immature.

You'll be fine.

Hopefully you'll get the course you want and, when you do, put all this bad stuff behind you and start afresh in college!

von Neumann

College is total different from school,

You get to start again, with a whole new bunch of people.

Usual a much more diverse and interesting bunch than you find in schools.

So be friendly an confident and you be grand.

So forget all the crap that happen in school and enjoy college.

Best of luck with the application

HouseHippo

Smallish 200 in the year but it depends then what we specialise in

kmick

Use college as a place to re-invent yourself. Its full of open minded people eager to meet new friends and enjoy themselves.

When you hit college imagine this girl is a blank slate. Take a deep breath and talk to her. Explain the past is the past (and really believe it when you say it)...you are now young adults and if she continues with the kind of attitude she had in school you will deal with her in an adult way (don't specify what that will be).

If she responds cordially then treat her with caution and keep your distance. If it seems her behaviour is unlikely to change then you have to start fighting back like an adult. If she puts you down you have to deal with it - there are plenty of approaches to dealing with bullies which you can find on Google. Use them and start to get an upper hand or at least a level playing field.

I was never bullied but had a friend who was its pretty ugly.

RossFixxxed

College is very different and you can move a lot freer and people will less likely tolerate that kind of rubbish.

HOWEVER, Badger just posted what I was going to say. I hate to be blunt but EVERYONE seems to have it in for you in your life. What provokes this reaction? Surely the whole world aren't bad people.

HH you've a lot of posts like this and it's getting frustrating, every single person you meet seems to be out to kill you.

There has to be more to this. It just isn't right and it's making me wonder.

Please fill us in.
Ross

Dudess

Don't view things as bigger than they are either, HouseHippo. I know the guards got involved where this girl is concerned so things must be serious, but it's not the "worst possible situation" - ok it may be to you, but take responsibility for yourself and take control of things rather than being so defeatist.

HouseHippo

Dudess wrote: »

Don't view things as bigger than they are either, HouseHippo. I know the guards got involved where this girl is concerned so things must be serious, but it's not the "worst possible situation" - ok it may be to you, but take responsibility for yourself and take control of things rather than being so defeatist.

Yeah I know it's not that bad. It was just the immediate shock of finding out, now that I have talked to my bf, my grnadparents and a few of my school friends who witnessed the bullying along with a few of my friends who are in college I have realised that I should do what i want and not let her win by ruining my life. Plus I heard her saying she isn't even sure she'll go to the college.

HouseHippo

RossFixxxed wrote: »

College is very different and you can move a lot freer and people will less likely tolerate that kind of rubbish.

HOWEVER, Badger just posted what I was going to say. I hate to be blunt but EVERYONE seems to have it in for you in your life. What provokes this reaction? Surely the whole world aren't bad people.

HH you've a lot of posts like this and it's getting frustrating, every single person you meet seems to be out to kill you.

There has to be more to this. It just isn't right and it's making me wonder.

Please fill us in.
Ross

Sorry you have it wrong, first nobody has killed me, i'm still alive.
Second of all I have a great bf and some amazing friends esp the ones I have met this year.
i wasn't bullied in early primary school in fact i'm still friends with some of them.It all satrted when I moved to my current school in 6th class, this girl just hated me for nooo reason and as she already had her bitchy little clique they made me a target, spreading rumours about me etc, and everyone thought oh well no smoke with out fire.However when some of the rumours she spread inc. me and my whole family have A.I.D.S I masturbate in class, My bro died of A.I.D.S which was passsed on from my mother at childbirth(he actually died of fluid retention on the brain)i don't think it was my fault


I wasn't the only girl she did this too, (i don't know if you remember the story in the news about the mobile phone girl who showed her vagina in a pic and it got sent around, ) well she made a girl in the year above us a target telling everyone it was her in the pic, the girl ended up leaving the school. So i'm not the only one.

Karen_*

HH your threads all have the same theme and that's that you are bullied. Which may very well be the case. You are a very vulnerable person and that can make you a target for bullies. The repeated HH being bullied and picked on threads are losing their credibility with me however and I'm having difficulty believing them.

And just say everyone IS bullying you. Why not then take the advice given in the first thread you started about bullying?

I really think that you should do an assertiveness or a personal development course and build up your people skills and also it would help you to be assertive without being agressive.

Dudess

The girl seems like a **** but lose the victim mentality and start to take responsibility for yourself. I'm not forgetting you've had a sh1t time but there comes a point when this can be an excuse - hold your head up high and believe in yourself. You're not worthless.

HouseHippo

Karen_* wrote: »

HH your threads all have the same theme and that's that you are bullied. Which may very well be the case. You are a very vulnerable person and that can make you a target for bullies. The repeated HH being bullied and picked on threads are losing their credibility with me however and I'm having difficulty believing them.

And just say everyone IS bullying you. Why not then take the advice given in the first thread you started about bullying?

I really think that you should do an assertiveness or a personal development course and build up your people skills and also it would help you to be assertive without being agressive.

What are you talking about everyne isn bullying me, this is one person. You have psted the same thing in the thread twice that all the imput thats needed from you thanks

HouseHippo

Hey guys thanks for all the support,
Mods you can close the thread now, I have decided just to carry on as if I never found out she was going as my friends have adviced me,as people said I'm gonna do the best damn portfolio I can. Get into college and ignore her!!!

Karen_*

There IS a theme of you being bullied running through more than one of your threads. And there's also a theme of you losing it and becoming aggressive when you don't like the responses. That's the chance you take when you post a thread: that you won't like the responses.

Would you genuinely like to tackle your problems or do you just want a 'poor you' answer? Because when everything goes wrong in your life or you have a problem with everyone (or vice versa) then the best place to start looking at tackling the problem is with yourself. And something like a course on assertiveness can really help. Loads of people find that developing their confidence and interacting in a different way with people can make all the difference. It can help with fear too from which alot of aggression and negative behaviour stems.

RossFixxxed

HH you DO post a LOT like this. Have you considered going to the GP about your own issues, ignoring the bullying for a moment? There may be something there.

Oh and do the course. Ignore your one and start living. College can be fantastic!

nacho libre

please don't give her the satisfaction of letting her dictate to you anymore. i was bullied in school and one day i decided to stand up for myself i knew i'd take a beating but i decided i wasn't going to be a victim anymore. i'm not advocating you beat her up but just show some mental strength here. the best revenge you can have on her is getting on with your life and showing her she is irrevelant. so take that course.

Overheal

Lookit, if she decides to pull any of that crap in college, it is a much easier thing in 3rd level to report these incidents and have them taken seriously - the rules that govern 3rd level != the rules that govern primary and secondary. Colleges maintain a great level of professionalism when dealing with students and student issues. And when it goes bad I found the counsellor option at my own IT to be a good helping hand.

Still a year away though, right? Chin up.

The best defense against bullying is showing you are no longer one to be pushed around. Look, if that many people in your school are aware this girl is a bitch than stand up to her the next time there is a confrontation: win/lose, those around you will be glad of it.

John Mason

HH, you need to get some professional help to build your self-esteem and if you dont do, are you are going to bullied by life.

Everyone of your threads is about people bullying you, rather its your grandparents or the girl down the road.

You need to stop playing the victim card and learn to ignore the people who dont like you.

you said you have wonderful friends and boyfriend, why are you letting one person get to you?

You need to grow a backbone

RossFixxxed

I have to agree with bunny, sooner or later you have to take responsibility and stop with the victimisation. You're grown up now. Get on with you life and igonre these people.

HouseHippo

nacho libre wrote: »

please don't give her the satisfaction of letting her dictate to you anymore. i was bullied in school and one day i decided to stand up for myself i knew i'd take a beating but i decided i wasn't going to be a victim anymore. i'm not advocating you beat her up but just show some mental strength here. the best revenge you can have on her is getting on with your life and showing her she is irrevelant. so take that course.

I've stood up to her loads of times, I'm always the one who gets suspended etc cause i'm never smart enough not to get caught. I've kicked the absolute **** out of ehr do ya know what she did she laughed in my ****ing face

Ainekav

havent read the entire thread but i have a strange feeling i know what college your on about, not that it makes much difference. well i can say that theres no reason to let this one make any decisions for you. do what you wanna do fcuk the rest of them. try and let go of the anger if you can, itll help you a lot in the long run, in dealing with her (and people like her) and just dealing with stuff in general. trust me. in college, yes, you might see her. you might see her a lot. but things are a lot more mature in college and stuff like that wont be tolerated by other people, IF she decides to annoy you again. people will just think shes a knob tbh. trust me on that one too...
youll find your feet and your friends and then she wont matter as much. sometimes i wish i could take my own advice!!

hope that helps

A

Overheal

HouseHippo wrote: »

I've stood up to her loads of times, I'm always the one who gets suspended etc cause i'm never smart enough not to get caught. I've kicked the absolute **** out of ehr do ya know what she did she laughed in my ****ing face

Have you tried taking the high horse yet? It won't gain you much street credit but if you can document and prove some of the **** she puts you through you can take your case to the headmaster, or if its exceptionally bad, solicitors. Suffice to say thats how I dealt with bullying. It didn't win me many friends but it didn't take long for people to learn I took **** from nobody.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Overheal wrote: »

Have you tried taking the high horse yet? It won't gain you much street credit but if you can document and prove some of the **** she puts you through you can take your case to the headmaster, or if its exceptionally bad, solicitors. Suffice to say thats how I dealt with bullying. It didn't win me many friends but it didn't take long for people to learn I took **** from nobody.

Just ignore her, end of. Keep reconrds of bullying events in the case a court case does come up, but concentrating on one's own life is the more important goal here.

Then, on the last day, tell her you forgive her. Piss her off no end!

Lorrs33

Love your enemies, it will drive them nuts

John Mason

HouseHippo wrote: »

I've stood up to her loads of times, I'm always the one who gets suspended etc cause i'm never smart enough not to get caught. I've kicked the absolute **** out of ehr do ya know what she did she laughed in my ****ing face

Of course she laughed at you, you made yourself look like a complete muppet. Seriously, get some profession help. violence is NEVER the answer

Sugar Drunk

Do your portfolio, go to college and ignore her if shes there.
while she may have bullied you in the past you are now preparing yourself to play the role of the victim again so there are two of you in it. As soon as you heard she might be going there you expected her to be the bully again and you to be the victim so you need to get out of this mentality! when you stop seeing yourself as a victim it becomes harder for other people to make you into one

HouseHippo

Overheal wrote: »

Have you tried taking the high horse yet? It won't gain you much street credit but if you can document and prove some of the **** she puts you through you can take your case to the headmaster, or if its exceptionally bad, solicitors. Suffice to say thats how I dealt with bullying. It didn't win me many friends but it didn't take long for people to learn I took **** from nobody.

How do you think the police got involved.

St Bill

QUOTE : Not sure if this is serious enough for PI feel free to move or close.

So ever since I was 12 I have wanted to go to this particular college. I am ready with a portfolio prepared and all...

However today I found out that a girl who since 6th class has made my life a living hell has applied to the same college.
Ever since I met her she has had a problem with me, I don't know where it stems for but she has done and said unspeakable things to and about me, her bullying caused me to have a breakdown at 14. I was sent to a John of God's for 2 weeks. Of course I retalliated to her rumours etc I am big enough to admit that, but I was 12, 13,14

I have never been popular at school, I was a bit of a wierdo but now I have matured and am a totally diff person. I always thought College would be a new start for me as all my friends are college students anyway and I seem to fit in with that crowd, however I have no doubt this girl will go out of her way to ruin college for me like she ruined school. I can't even be in the same room as her without feeling sick.

Now I feel I must change alll my plans and give up my dream. What can I do???

HouseHippo wrote: »

I've stood up to her loads of times, I'm always the one who gets suspended etc cause i'm never smart enough not to get caught. I've kicked the absolute **** out of ehr do ya know what she did she laughed in my ****ing face

It looks like the above posts were posted by two different people. One playing the victim, the other playing the bully.

I'm sorry OP, but it looks from your second post above that you're well able to handle yourself (too well able)

Karen_*

The OP can oftenhandle things with aggression and this is probably how she alienates people and hence gets bullied. But the aggression is coming from fear, a defence mechanism. That sometimes is used even when not necessary and that will and does cause big problems.

Aggression isn't being well able to handle yourself. And I think if it was toned down then life would be alot easier for the OP. And probably the bullying would seem to go away too. Because if alot of people who don't know each other treat you a certain way then its usually something you're doing or signals you give off. And don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean people have licence to be rotten to you and have every right to treat you badly. They don't. But they being human too will usually respond negatively to negative behaviour.

St Bill

I agree, using aggression to get your point across doesn't mean that you're 'well able to handle yourself', I was just highlighting the difference between the two posts. If the OP's initial post had been that he/she kicked the **** out of a person, I doubt he/she would've gotten a sympathetic response

Overheal

HouseHippo wrote: »

How do you think the police got involved.

I was thinking of your one that got urinated on.