In relationship and need to talk to this new girl I discovered!

LegacyUser

Title says it all. I am in a happy relationship and have been for the past 2 years. But today in my gym, I saw a girl who just kept checking me out and I kept checking her out. Seriously, it's the biggest crush I have had on a girl since I met my girlfriend I think. Won't bother describing her but I can categorically say on a general wide scale on behalf of all men, very few guys would not think she is hot but that is neither here nor there. I'm well away this could be a dose of grass is greener etc but I still want to talk to her and suss her out.

Knowing me, I'm going to start talking to her at some stage or I might just hand her a note with my number on it. I absolutely won't cheat so don't worry. I just want to talk to her and see what she is like. Hopefully she will be a cock and I won't like her. But has anyone done something like this before? Hopefully she will tell me to **** off or something and then I can deny I ever gave her a note. Either way, I think I've developed a huge crush! And do you want to know what the sad thing is? I'm in my early twenties!!! NOT A TEEN!

Victor

Wait till tomorrow and realise what might happen if you do something.

Dudess

That's not remotely sad. I can't understand how people think instant attraction to an unknown person is a crush and therefore "teenage".

Wtf? That can happen at any age! In fact I'm kinda experiencing something similar myself OP - and I'm 30!

Don't give her a note - that would be plain weird. And why do you say you've no intentions of cheating? The note thing leads me to suspect otherwise...

flogen

So you don't plan on cheating on your current girlfriend, so what do you want to find about this girl?

My assumption is that you want to see if she's a decent person which, coupled with her (apparent) good looks would make her a more appealing partner than the one you currently have. If she isn't, you stick with your current bit. If she is, you trade up.

Right?

If that is the case* then you obviously need to examine your current relationship. Are you just in it until something better comes along? Or are you just getting cold feet / commitment-phobia? If it's no to both of those, why are you looking to find out more about this girl, rather than just taking the nice ego-rub that comes from being checked out by a hot chick and carrying on with your supposedly happy life?

* And I can't see what other motivation you might have.

BroomBurner

It's fine to have crushes! Just do not, under ANY circumstances give her a note or start something unless you are planning on dumping your girlfriend. If you have a crush on her, and get talking, it won't matter what she's like, she will be perfect to you because you're already infatuated.

Chalk it up to experience and keep your m!ckey in your pants.

Beruthiel

InstantCrush wrote: »

I still want to talk to her and suss her out.

To what end?

I absolutely won't cheat so don't worry. I just want to talk to her and see what she is like.

If you have no intention of cheating then what is the point of trying to get to know this girl?
Trying to fool us is one thing, fooling yourself is quite another.
We all fancy other people now and again, the fact that you wish to take it further is something you should question. If you are not happy in your current relationship, finish it before you start hitting on someone else. Your g/f deserves that much.

Oryx

InstantCrush wrote: »

Title says it all. I am in a safe but dull relationship and have been for the past 2 years. But today in my gym, I saw a girl who I flirted with like mad, cos Im not tied down yet, like!! Seriously, it's the biggest crush I have had on a girl since I met my girlfriend, and you know, its not like I ever stopped looking. Won't bother describing her but I can categorically say shes sex on legs and I so would. I'm well away this could be a dose of grass is greener etc but I still want to talk to her and see if Im in with a chance before I go and dump my current squeeze for her.

Just wanted you to see how your post read to me.:)

I mean, who are you trying to fool here? If you are sniffing around her at all, it spells trouble with your existing relationship. If everything was rosy there, you wouldnt be quietly handing out your phone number to a hot girl from the gym. And if Im not to worry, you wont cheat, well, will you tell your girlfriend all about her? No?

Trust me, people get crushes all the time. But they dont act on them in the way youre talking about here.

Karen_*

InstantCrush wrote: »

And do you want to know what the sad thing is? I'm in my early twenties!!! NOT A TEEN!

Well you had me fooled!

And who says teens lack the self control that you do? Get some, its not difficult. Don't wait for someone else to have it for you.

dudara

Crushes happen. Fact of life, even when you're in a happy committed relationship. It's what you do about it that truly shows how adult you are.

Don't have any contact with this girl if you truly care about the relationship that you are currently in.

funky15_2

your in a happy relationship 2 years? stop foolin yourself, obviously your not if you sniffin around some girl you dont know.. Maybe its the fact she showed you some attention in you, wow!! a girl was lookin at you in the gym, soooo what!

How do you know she wasnt thinkin, The state of him!! grow up, get over yourself.. and if you have a pair of balls end you current relationship and do it properly..

Dudess

funky15_2 wrote: »

your in a happy relationship 2 years? stop foolin yourself, obviously your not if you sniffin around some girl you dont know.. Maybe its the fact she showed you some attention in you

I disagree. I think it's perfectly normal to be in a happy relationship and still feel attraction to others. It's wishful thinking to be of the view that that doesn't happen.

LegacyUser

No I promise to you and to myself that I am in a very happy and good relationship. It's like this; the girl I saw today is basically the same as my own girlfriend except with different colour hair and eyes which is why I think this crush is so bad!!!! I mean, if you took 20 guys, lined up my girlfriend and this new one from the gym, you would have an even split I reckon, I suppose I'm fascinated because she reminds of my girlfriend so much looks wise but she has different hair and different colour eyes, same features though etc. It's really unusual to describe. I suppose I am secretly thinking in my head, who is a better catch which is really mean. Aw man, I don't know! I'll not talk to her! I promise!

LegacyUser

I can understand where you are coming from.. I am in a relationship with nearly five years now...

Recently i was at a big social occasion and noticed a very good looking man at the bar. I could not keep my eyes off him.. to be honest I never really look at men anymore, i am not someone looking to leave my current relationship.. there was just something about this man and i don't know what.

After about three hours at the occasion he asked me to dance.. i had a dance with him ..

that was two weeks ago.. i don't know where he is from only his first name but i can't stop thinking about him!!!..

I wouldn't go giving her your number though- thats seriously treading in dangerous waters!!!!

LegacyUser

I would like to apologise to the teens who come here as I am sure a lot of you could probably deal with it a bit better than me right now! I'm acting like a kid about it and keep telling people I'm with about her! So apologies!

Dolbert

You are seriously wondering who is a better 'catch', despite not knowing this girl from Adam? Do you even value your girlfriend of 2 years for anything other than her looks? If you really intend to give out your number to hot girls, then you don't intend to be faithful imo.

RedXIV

*shrug* if your worried about cheating then easy solution here. Insult the new girl. then she'll never want to be with you so you can't cheat. But if you resort to that kind of tactics my friend, then you need to spend less time in the gym and more time having fun at home

flogen

InstantCrush wrote: »

No I promise to you and to myself that I am in a very happy and good relationship. It's like this; the girl I saw today is basically the same as my own girlfriend except with different colour hair and eyes which is why I think this crush is so bad!!!! I mean, if you took 20 guys, lined up my girlfriend and this new one from the gym, you would have an even split I reckon, I suppose I'm fascinated because she reminds of my girlfriend so much looks wise but she has different hair and different colour eyes, same features though etc. It's really unusual to describe. I suppose I am secretly thinking in my head, who is a better catch which is really mean. Aw man, I don't know! I'll not talk to her! I promise!

People who assume you should not find others attractive once you're in a relationship are immature.

People who pursue a passing attraction to others when they're in a relationship are equally immature.

There's nothing wrong with feeling an interest or even temptation - don't be confused into thinking temptation itself makes you a bad person. Equally you'd be a moron if you never considered what life would be like if you were single or with someone else. However it's what you do on the basis of that urge and thought process that defines you.

If you are truly happy in your relationship you won't jeopardise it by giving in to your immature curiosity. If you find you are not truly happy after all there's nothing wrong with that either - but just don't allow yourself to reach that conclusion based on your lust for a bit of meat, reach it based on the dynamic of the relationship itself.

bug

InstantCrush wrote: »

No I promise to you and to myself that I am in a very happy and good relationship. It's like this; the girl I saw today is basically the same as my own girlfriend except with different colour hair and eyes which is why I think this crush is so bad!!!! I mean, if you took 20 guys, lined up my girlfriend and this new one from the gym, you would have an even split I reckon, I suppose I'm fascinated because she reminds of my girlfriend so much looks wise but she has different hair and different colour eyes, same features though etc. It's really unusual to describe. I suppose I am secretly thinking in my head, who is a better catch which is really mean. Aw man, I don't know! I'll not talk to her! I promise!

Someone's needs for a bit of attention methinks.

So "knowing you" you'll end up talking to her and passing her your number...

But sure you won't cheat.

What are you looking for a lifelong pal?

Would you get real.

There's a recession on.
The grass is no longer be greener on the other side.

Tell your girlfriend you need more attention because you're getting random crushes on women who look like her photo negatives.

Talliesin

Look (do not stare) at her when you see her and enjoy that you find her attractive.

If she continues to look at you in such manner then enjoy the ego-boo of someone finding you attractive.

That's it. You can take simple pleasures in life without turning everything into an episode of a bad twenty-something sit-com.

Kirnsy

bring your girlfriend to the gym next time you go....

Dudess

bug wrote: »

Someone's needs for a bit of attention methinks.

Why? The OP finds this other girl attractive - that doesn't mean anything's lacking in his relationship. It's naive to think a relationship is gonna be so perfect that there'll be "blindness" when it comes to attractive people on the outside. Maybe in the early stages, but rarely two years down the line...

marti101

Maybe hes that in love with himself that his gf doesnt get the timwe she needs.Everybody gets crushes and looks at other people i knw i do and im with my oh 17 years its normal,its not normal to hand out your phone number thats asking for trouble.Say you give this girl your number and she rings when your with your gf what are you going to say or your gf comes across a text.Its not as id youve told her about the other girl so she doesnt feel threatened but if she finds out your balls will be on a piece of string.OP what if this was your gf giving out her number to a random guy would you be alright with that after all its not as if shes going to cheat right

Dudess

marti101 wrote: »

Maybe hes that in love with himself that his gf doesnt get the timwe she needs.

Why?

marti101

Dudess wrote: »

Why?

Cause hes in the gym mooching somebody else obviously his first thoughts are not his gf.

Dudess

He's in the gym to get fit and he happened to spot a girl he fancies... like you said, crushes are normal.

Oryx

Dudess wrote: »

He's in the gym to get fit and he happened to spot a girl he fancies... like you said, crushes are normal.

Its the giving out your phone number while with someone else part of this crush that Id take issue with.

Of course we get crushes. People you see and think 'jaysis if I was single...' But generally thats as far as it gets. Thats normal.

metamorphic

Chris Rock said it best: "A man is basically as faithful as his options."

but seriously, for a man to receive attention is rare in comparison to how much attention ladies get. Clearly it gets some of us men in an awful state

Dudess

Oryx wrote: »

Its the giving out your phone number while with someone else part of this crush that Id take issue with.

I agree with you absolutely Oryx. But to spot someone and fancy them rather than being "blind" to all others besides one's partner and to stop thinking about one's partner occasionally... a bad person or a farcical relationship these do not make.

RossFixxxed

It's not cheating because she looks like his gf.... Sigh.

If you NEED to talk to this girl, something is wrong. If you're going to slip her your phone number, something is wrong.

You want to cheat, you can see the hormones oozing off the post.

r

Dudess

Being attracted to someone to the point of wanting to cheat doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong.

LegacyUser

you might be in your twenties but your acting like your 5. What the heck is wrong with you? if your gf started acting like your acting now what would you think? she was checking you out? did you ever think she might be looking at the bogey hanging from your nose? cop onto yourself good man.

Karen_*

InstantCrush wrote: »

Knowing me, I'm going to start talking to her at some stage or I might just hand her a note with my number on it.

You're going out with someone and happy in the relationship so why would you do this?

I absolutely won't cheat so don't worry!

Phew! Can sleep easier now!

Hopefully she will tell me to **** off or something and then I can deny I ever gave her a note.

Or show her this thread and she definately will. Show your girlfriend too and so will she. Hopefully.

I suppose I am secretly thinking in my head, who is a better catch which is really mean. Aw man, I don't know! I'll not talk to her! I promise!

Its hard to know who's the better catch. Its defo not you though.

Dudess

Pollyp wrote: »

you might be in your twenties but your acting like your 5.

What the heck is wrong with you?

He saw someone he found really attractive. It happens - even to those in long-term relationships.

if your gf started acting like your acting now what would you think?

Acting how? Looking at a guy whom she finds attractive? There's a good chance his girlfriend has done so.

she was checking you out? did you ever think she might be looking at the bogey hanging from your nose?

Or maybe she WAS checking him out...

Christ, the people who think it's such a sin to check out someone who's attractive when you're in a relationship... well I'd be surprised if they've been in relationships themselves.

The OP hasn't done anything wrong - passing his number to her would be wrong but he hasn't done so (to the best of our knowledge anyway). Thinking thoughts of cheating on his girlfriend with this woman is unfortunate, but not wrong. Doing something about it would be.

marti101

Dudess nobody is saying looking is wrong we all like a bit of window shopping but giving somebody your number when you are going out is wrong.I think thats what annoying.Im all for a bit of eye candy but i wouldnt give my number and i hope my op woouldnt do the same.So Dudees if your bf gave his phone number to a hot girl thats allright with you is it.Hes looking for somebody to say its alright to cheat and make it ok with himself.

Dudess

marti101 wrote: »

So Dudees if your bf gave his phone number to a hot girl thats allright with you is it.

- where did you get that from?

Dudess wrote: »

Don't give her a note - that would be plain weird. And why do you say you've no intentions of cheating? The note thing leads me to suspect otherwise...

Dudess wrote: »

passing his number to her would be wrong

Hes looking for somebody to say its alright to cheat and make it ok with himself.

Yes, I agree you could have a point there. People aren't zoning in on that though, they're reprimanding him for being so monstrous as to check out an attractive girl who seems to be checking him out...

Oryx

Dudess wrote: »

- where did you get that from?



Yes, I agree you could have a point there. People aren't zoning in on that though, they're reprimanding him for being so monstrous as to check out an attractive girl who seems to be checking him out...

Actually, in my initial post, I was trying to make the point of how he came across. In fairness, if this was just an issue of wayhayyy Im being checked out by a hot bird, he would have posted in AH for a pat on the back at being so irresistable. Or he would have told his gf about how chuffed he felt, and not us. He didnt. He posted in PI, to me, it seemed asking should he or shouldnt he pursue this woman.

marti101

As i said before not about looking its about his intention to do something other than look,hes being unfair to either girl.About the gf i said he wouldnt be too chuffed if he found out she was going to the gym to ogle men and give them her phone number,all this thinking bout the other girl could be spent on the gf.

Karen_*

marti101 wrote: »

As i said before not about looking its about his intention to do something other than look,hes being unfair to either girl.About the gf i said he wouldnt be too chuffed if he found out she was going to the gym to ogle men and give them her phone number,all this thinking bout the other girl could be spent on the gf.

Indeed. Would he even be posting if he were to imagine how he would feel if the situation were reversed?

He thinks agirl was checking him out. She might not have been but even if she were then what an OTT reaction that he'd just toss someone he loves to the side for his ego. Unreal!

Dudess

Why just his ego? It's not simply a case of her checking him out (he thinks), it's a case of him also finding her very attractive. I admire his honesty actually and his willingness to diss himself for it.

marti101 wrote: »

As i said before not about looking its about his intention to do something other than look

Yep, just as I said.

About the gf i said he wouldnt be too chuffed if he found out she was going to the gym to ogle men and give them her phone number

Why are you saying stuff that's not even relevant? He goes to the gym to keep fit and he happened to catch the eye of one girl and now he's having thoughts of being unfaithful but at least he's not doing anything about them - he hasn't given his phone number either. He thought of doing so, that does not mean he did it.
How does that mean he "goes to the gym to ogle women and give them his phone number"? You're talking about something entirely different.

all this thinking bout the other girl could be spent on the gf.

Liam Byrne

InstantCrush wrote: »

Hopefully she will tell me to **** off or something and then I can deny I ever gave her a note.

1) You will STILL have given her a note, and you'll be adding to the deceit by lying about it

2) You are gambling that she will tell you to **** off. If she does, you've gained nothing but a reason to lie to your g/f.

And what if she doesn't ? What then ? If you were hoping to get with her at least there'd be a point, but you said "hopefully she will tell me to **** off"; therefore there's nothing to be gained by acting on this.

Be a man, respect your g/f, make a choice (either way) and stick with it.

the_syco

InstantCrush wrote: »

Knowing me, I'm going to start talking to her at some stage or I might just hand her a note with my number on it. I absolutely won't cheat so don't worry. I just want to talk to her and see what she is like. Hopefully she will be a cock and I won't like her.

You hoping that in case you like her, and want to f**k her? Play with fire, prepare to be burnt.

LegacyUser

Hello people,

I go to the gym and when I go, the only thing I focus on is myself and doing what I have to do and leaving. This is what I did yesterday and this is what I always do. I walked into the gym and was drawn towards this person. It was like someone just came and punched me in the chin or something, I was a bit dazed. Why was I a bit dazed? Because I don't get affected by things like this, it doesn't happen to me but it did and now I have a crush on this person and it is wrecking my head! The giving out my phone number thing was when I was still dazed; I wasn't thinking straight, I won't do that.

I know some people here are thinking "Jesus this guy must never get checked out, he is practically obsessed with her" but this is untrue. I'd actually consider myself out of all my friends, the least person to give a **** if someone is checking me out or not. As for me having an ego, of course I have an ego. I'm a guy; every guy has a ego, some bigger than others but still. As for me weighing up the options in my head and it being selfish, rude, mean to my girlfriend etc, I'm 24 and I probably am. Asking me how I would feel if my girlfriend was in the gym checking out other guys and giving her number out, I'd feel pretty annoyed/upset/deflated ego if i found out but as far as I know that's not happening so no point in thinking about it. Of course I am having thoughts of this girl in the gym seducing me, I'm a guy. It's going to be ****ing torture in the gym if she is there again "looking at the bogey from my nose" *roll eyes* but I'll be strong, I'll try not talk to her because if I do talk to her, I have no idea what I could do!

funky15_2

What is this chap on about!!

ok so obviously theres goin to be better looking girls and boys out there than you current partner and according to you were supposed to run around handing out are numbers to them everytime we see them?!! despite what you claim to be your happy relationship!

me thinks your pulling our legs.. or a complete attention seeker, anyway i just feelin sorry for your current girlfriend...

you have never spoken to this girl so how can you claim to have a genuine attraction to her.. she's goodlookin... so what?!!!!

rant over!

dudara

pollyp wrote: »

dudess i know your a moderator but seriously other people have opionions and have the right to express them.

Dudess is not a moderator in this forum and has the same right to express her views here as any other poster. If you have a problem with a post or a poster, use the "Report Post" function to report it.

dudara

Dudess

InstantCrush wrote: »

Hello people,

I go to the gym and when I go, the only thing I focus on is myself and doing what I have to do and leaving. This is what I did yesterday and this is what I always do. I walked into the gym and was drawn towards this person. It was like someone just came and punched me in the chin or something, I was a bit dazed. Why was I a bit dazed? Because I don't get affected by things like this, it doesn't happen to me but it did and now I have a crush on this person and it is wrecking my head! The giving out my phone number thing was when I was still dazed; I wasn't thinking straight, I won't do that.

I know some people here are thinking "Jesus this guy must never get checked out, he is practically obsessed with her" but this is untrue. I'd actually consider myself out of all my friends, the least person to give a **** if someone is checking me out or not. As for me having an ego, of course I have an ego. I'm a guy; every guy has a ego, some bigger than others but still. As for me weighing up the options in my head and it being selfish, rude, mean to my girlfriend etc, I'm 24 and I probably am. Asking me how I would feel if my girlfriend was in the gym checking out other guys and giving her number out, I'd feel pretty annoyed/upset/deflated ego if i found out but as far as I know that's not happening so no point in thinking about it. Of course I am having thoughts of this girl in the gym seducing me, I'm a guy. It's going to be ****ing torture in the gym if she is there again "looking at the bogey from my nose" *roll eyes* but I'll be strong, I'll try not talk to her because if I do talk to her, I have no idea what I could do!

What you're feeling is perfectly normal and you can't help how you feel. I understand you posting it up here because it's probably wrecking your head and sometimes it's good to merely let off steam. Lambasting you for having feelings - as if you've bloody well cheated on your girlfriend - is ridiculous.
You can help what you do about it though. Do you want to give up what you have with your girlfriend for a person you barely know?

pollyp wrote:

dudess i know your a moderator but seriously other people have opionions and have the right to express them.

Again I'm gonna use the symbol.

How have I stopped people from expressing their opinions? By disagreeing with them? People have the right to express their opinions if they disagree with the majority too you know...

And moderators, even on the forums they moderate, don't have the right to prevent others from expressing (sufficiently backed up) opinions.

dudara

That's enough now people. Stop clogging up the thread.

dudara

all the stars

"you can get your apetite anywhere, just be sure to go home for your dinner"


old but true.
no harm in having a look.

Pyr0

Gving out the number straight away would be a bit weird and would come across as having other intentions, strike up a conversation with her sometime, but keep it in the gym for awhile as you "suss her out". You wouldn't wanna go back to your Gf and she asks you" Who is it your texting ?".."Oh its just this girl from the gym I got talking to today" That'd be real bad ! Rather, it should be "just talking to this girl I've been chatting to the past few weeks, nothing serious obviously" would be a bit better in my eyes ! Keep her at strictly friends distance if it ever gets to that point. No point getting your girlfriend worried because you have a crush and "no intentions to cheat" as you say.

Dixie Chick

you want to speak to her to see if she is a cock and therefore you wont like her. tbh, you sound like the cock here. you have no reason to suss her out. how would you like if your gf was sussing soemone out?

LegacyUser

Thanks Dudess.

I hope I don't offend people here, but what is wrong with looking around? I'm not saying my girlfriend is not up to scratch, I love my girlfriend and am still hugely attracted to her every time I see her. I brought a friend down with me today who told me I was nuts and that my girlfriend is better looking and he doesn't bull****. But that is besides the point, what I mean is, if I want to weigh up my options, what is wrong with that? And don't think I'm just talking about looks, I'd genuinely like to get to know her better and see if what she is like. Sleazy? Maybe. So sorry but is that such a crime?

So I went to the gym today as per usual and she was there again. I ended up going down a bit earlier than yesterday and she arrived the same time I arrived yesterday and kind of followed me in between her workouts around looking in mirrors at the "bogey in my nose" etc. If I was a betting man, I think she likes me too. But that will probably come across as arrogant so I apologise. It's ****ing torture for me. I'm going down tomorrow again and I'm going to ask her a question to do with the gym and I'll know pretty much straight away if she is a cock or not, hopefully she will ignore me or tell me not to distract her and then I can put it all to bed!

And yes, I do realise I may be coming across as slightly immature here.

LegacyUser

There is no point in you asking me what would I do if this was my girlfriend doing this etc. The fact of the matter is, it's not. And if it was, I suppose I'd just have to get over it really.

PS: This does not mean I don't love my girlfriend, I do. Maybe it's just my age or something. Ah whatever man.